Tag: storytelling

Bumperpodcast #465 – Season 3 – Tomato Soup Can

Natty Bumpercar discusses his frequent distractions, likening himself to a squirrel chasing shiny objects. Rufus T. Rufus humorously corrects him and shares nostalgic stories about using tomato soup cans, contrasting with modern conveniences. The producer mentions technical issues with new equipment. They debate the timing of holiday-themed episodes, with Rufus criticizing early Christmas displays. Natty suggests making their Thanksgiving episode late, mimicking stores’ early holiday promotions. The conversation meanders into a humorous tale about a classmate named Artie Doyle, who aspired to be an author, and the absurdity of his nickname “Tomato Soup Can.”

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In episode 465 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar admits he's been distracted again, leading to another delayed episode. Aloysious J. Pig calls out Natty for trying to do a Thanksgiving episode a week after the holiday, just like their belated Halloween episode. Meanwhile, Rufus T. Rufus launches into an increasingly absurd story about tomato soup cans from "back in the day," claiming they contained just one whole tomato and required opening with a goat's horn. The rambling tale somehow connects to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, whom Rufus claims to have known as "Artie Tomato Soup Can" in school. Producer struggles with the new podcasting equipment while the characters debate holiday timing and question whether any of Rufus's stories are remotely based in reality.

Memorable Quotes

“What is the bumper podcast about? It's about me being distracted, it's about me forgetting I have a podcast, it's about me seeing a shiny object and running over to that shining object.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“We're gonna be the podcast that does the holiday episodes a week after the holiday. It's the opposite of stores when you go in and it's November and they got July 4th stuff out.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“We would take a can, tomato soup, because that's the only kind of soup we had at that time. We would use the goat and his horn and pop that can of soup open.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #distraction #thanksgiving #halloween #nostalgia #tomatosoup #storytelling #holidays #podcasting

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Producer, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so i've been distracted and that's something that happens pretty often i think you know sometimes people say well what is your podcast about what is the bumper podcast about and i say it's about me being distracted it's about me forgetting i have a podcast it's about me uh seeing a shiny object and running over to that shining object and picking it up and then dropping it because look over there is another shiny object there's a lot of shiny objects out there and and they all require me to uh you know at least give them some of my attention which then does take away from everything else in my life and and that's fine right that's how life it's

Aloysious J. Pig: how the life of a squirrel works bro bro bro bro hey it's me aloysius jpeg uh you're not a squirrel okay you're like a uh i'm gonna guess middle age probably past middle age uh person who uh talks into a microphone and uh it's a squirrel thing you know like let the squirrels be the squirrels let you do you sorry my voice is a little off today i might i might have caught a cold or something i noticed that um hey everyone it's

Producer: me i'm producer uh so i think part of the problem this week is it's my fault because we have this really fancy um do that uh technical term that we have on the board we have a new board we've had for a year so it's not really all that new but it has a lot of buttons and has a lot of lights and it has a lot of knobs so many knobs and it has um uh slide slidey do's you know the slidey do's and um a screen and uh well i keep on trying to plug it all in and and see what will happen with the podcast and it keeps on uh not not working not working at all

Aloysious J. Pig: now wouldn't you hear everybody this is uh myself rufus to rufus aloysius i think whatever you got i might have caught as well oh that's what happens in the winter time everybody says oh it's too hot oh it's look at i'm sweating all the time it's too hot i wish it was colder and then it gets colder and everybody gets a cold anyway so uh you said that this new system it's got some slidey do's now and i told you you know that was extra money to buy them slidey do's and we don't we don't we don't we don't we excuse me we do not need it all right all we when i was originally doing podcasts back in the day uh i don't you know i don't i know you youngins don't like to hear when i say you know like back in my day but back in my day when we were in podcast what we would do is we would we would uh we would take a can uh tomato soup because that's the only kind of soup we had at that time uh chicken didn't come chicken noodle didn't come until much later so we had our tomato soup and and and we would eat it you know for supper uh one can per family per week and uh we would save up our cans and uh clean them out all good uh and here's the thing when i when i was when i was growing up the cans they didn't they didn't have these little pop tops like y'all have with y'all soup cans now you can just open them up anywhere you can just walk around town open up a can of soup pop and then drink it on up nice delicious lukewarm maybe cold soup in a can oh man the life the life of riley is what we're living we actually had to take a a rock or maybe a a knife sometimes we could take if if if the goat would let us we take the the goat and we'd use his his horn and we pop that little pop you know that can of soup on open pop like that and then but the edges it'd be very jagged right so we couldn't use them for our projects until you're on okay sorry you're on a real roll right now and i think all of us are on a roll right now and i think all of us are on a roll right now all of us are on the edge of our seats trying to figure out what you what's going on and i do want to come back i want to circle back i want to circle back to whatever you're talking about with the soup with the cans the tomatoes the the goat all these things sounds very interesting i'm sure it's gonna really draw in the uh the listenership but uh let's focus back over here real quick on on on natty yeah what what has been so distracting to you that you uh have have uh yet again

Natty Bumpercar: forgotten what you're supposed to be doing i um well i i also i i want to i think the soup thing might be more interesting but you know uh i was thinking about it and you know we had i think the last time we recorded was a big we had a big halloween episode and that was kind of fun and we should make this the uh we should make this our thanksgiving episode and no uh producer i don't know if you're ever able to get in touch with turkey or not but i um

Aloysious J. Pig: producer don't answer that so listen up natty the the halloween episode that we did was fun but it was also a week after at least a week after halloween and now we are again a week after thanksgiving and you're over here like oh so are we gonna be the podcast that does the holiday episodes a week after the holiday you know because in a way i was gonna knock it but it's kind of brilliant because you know people might be like oh i kind of had fun on halloween i kind of miss it oh wait we're still talking about halloween great great great great it's the opposite of like stores when you go in and it's november and they got july 4th stuff out that's too early okay that's why that's i don't want to say what's wrong with the world today because there's a couple of things but i think one of the things is putting out christmas stuff um on february okay that's way it's too early it's thrown everyone's holiday rhythm off so we don't know when we're supposed to oh wait i was supposed to buy the the pool for outdoors in november oh well i i should have thought of that you know no that's not how you put the pool out in in april in may right when we're gonna need the pool not we can't be living in the future or living it sometimes it feels like we're living in the past because you don't know when the holidays are happening and the it's all it's all messed up yeah now now you're talking about it start living in the past you know we just was kind of back in my day uh so we had these cans of soup tomato soup and it wasn't the way it worked but we didn't even it wasn't even soup it was just one tomato sometimes you know inside of a can it wasn't cut up it wasn't i still had the green thing on top right the core i guess it's called they say it says on the can it says uh uh there's tomato soup ready to make or something like i forgot what it was but it was you know right now they used to have these pre-planned meals people get on these uh plans and then and then the box will come over to the house and i guess sometimes it's recipes and sometimes it's just like uh almost like uh what do they call television dinners where the meals already made and put in the little container that's what it was but it was way before and all it was and it said something like just add water just like that right and so you had your tomato and your can for your tomato soup and you would you would get that tomato out and you'd put it in some water and you'd cook it up and and that was the meal that

Producer: we had yeah yeah hold on rufus so i think we're going to we're trying to this year's again we might do a whole episode on this maybe a whole season but i think we're still trying to fuck but i think we should oh okay no we're gonna stick with the soup yeah perfect perfect perfect

Natty Bumpercar: okay my bad i'm sorry no not your fault at all that that was we had talked about getting off the soup but now the soup has become a tomato in a can um so the precursor to these uh home delivered homemade meals or whatever they're called so wait so rufus tomato got it in a can one tomato any specific kind of tomato did it have like uh like a season packet like anything like that you know like sometimes when you get ramen soup it'll have like the the flavorings are actually there in a packet uh in in the can in the well it's like wrapping cellophane or whatever no um no no was that was that in there no no it was it was nothing

Aloysious J. Pig: in the can except for the for the tomato right and here's the funniest thing that we that was like a philosophical question we always had y'all y'all heard about the chicken and the egg i assume right which came first nobody cares but what we want in school we were trying to figure out is how did that tomato get into that can that's okay you're following me that's what you were trying to figure out sorry natty uh i mean the the tomato was put into the can before the can was closed and then the can was closed i mean that's how much how much time we spent in school trying to figure out this big mystery out uh uh oh sir off the conan doyle i am assuming you guys were not what you just made a

Natty Bumpercar: okay uh for anyone who doesn't know that's a weird pull aloysius i didn't know that you sir arthur wait sir r arthur arthur that's a hard word to say sir arthur author author arthur wait no i can't do it sir conan doyle sir

Aloysious J. Pig: jc doyle what is that so his his name so you can cut off the sir right because when i when i when i grew up with him his name was arty so a r t i don't know a r t y r t i e arty arty doyle uh he you know before he got all fancy and hoity-toity but he he stood up one day in class and it was it was not the day that we were discussing the tomato in the can but i remember arty he said you know one day when i grow up when i grows up that's what he said when i grows up because that's how we talked back then we added s's on things you know like we say like look at all those sheeps which we didn't have to do because it's just one sheep anyway arty stood up one day in front of the whole class and he said listen up y'all my name's arty doyle when i grow up i'm gonna be an author and i remember somebody in the back classroom they yelled out you're gonna call yourself arthur and he got so flustered so so red in the face that believe now it comes back oh everything comes back somebody said hey look at old uh look at old arty tomato soup can red in the face that stuck with him his whole life arty tomato here he comes here comes arty tomato soup can oh man the way i look back i can't wait to see him at the reunion no arty it's just tomato soup can whatever happened to him anyway he's you're talking about him over there it is anything that you say based in any kind of reality that you have ever talked about real in any form, in any fashion, in any way? You're telling us that you went to school with Arthur Conan Doyle, who was a very famous Arthur. Wait, now I messed it up too. Arthur. Arthur was an author. Okay. Yeah, got it. You went to school with Artie Doyle. Somebody named Artie Doyle. I can give you that. That part I can accept. But now you're telling me that he stood up, this Artie Doyle, in front of the class, completely separated from the fact that there's a famous Arthur who made up Sherlock Holmes, and he said that he was going to be an Arthur? No. Yeah, it's Artie Tomato Soup Can Head Feast. I forgot. Artie Tomato Coop Sam Mace Place. I got confused.

Robot: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Unknown: Bye.

December 2, 2025
Bumperpodcast #457 – Season 3 – Story Time

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty decides to tell a story that he is very excited about. Then there are bulls. Then horses.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar recounts the awkward experience of telling a story that completely kills the vibe at a social gathering. The conversation spirals into an absurd discussion about bulls in china shops, with Aloysious J. Pig dissecting the various hazards of carpeted versus hardwood floors. Rufus T. Rufus shares his retail experience involving an actual horse wandering into a store, while Doodle Poodle relates his own pond-side storytelling disaster where all the other frogs literally slid into the water from boredom. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational comedy as the characters get hilariously sidetracked before Natty can finish his original story.

Memorable Quotes

“You look around you go oh no did i do this did i make did i ruin did i end the whole restaurant for right now is that what i've done socially?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Sometimes frogs when they're very uncomfortable what they'll do is they just kind of tilt the lily pad so they'll just kind of slide into the water and everyone had just disappeared.”
— Doodle Poodle

“All of a sudden you got an equine specimen coming into the shop and you're like whoa what is that? That's not fair it's not right it's not for you to judge bumper car.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #storytelling #socialawkwardness #retailwork #bullsinchinashops #friendship #frogs #improvisation

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: no no because to me that was no without that was the craziest part of the story was nobody believed it like i was i was several minutes into the story and i and i kind of looked around and i could see that not a single person who was looking at me was like nodding their head like oh yeah we're here with you like we get it like trying to you know pipe in or anything that none of them and i i said i was just like but do you you guys do you know what i'm right talking about well right nothing no and silence yep which is just a very uncomfortable situation to be in well it's

Aloysious J. Pig: also it feels like a lot of what happens here on the on the bumper podcast where you come in you know a bull in a china shop and you're just you're burst in the doors which also they're made a glass not china but it's one of those glasses that these uh it doesn't shatter it's shatterproof glass right then you come in but then the the shelves are all around and that you know the shelves are also glass really it in the china shop it's not one of these things where it's just a china that you're worried about right it's the china obviously if you're trying to shop it's the biggest thing that you're going to worry about getting broken but you know you got your displays you got your doors whatnot uh there's just a lot of investment like what is it a carpet floor uh you know you're gonna be like a bull and on a carpeted floor that's gonna get destroyed is it a wood floor again scuffed up probably have some real just you know just issues i try to think like just just

Rufus T. Rufus: just something dragged across a wooden floor so you can't it's destroyed yeah well i don't wish i actually hello everybody this is me rufus tear rufus i worked in uh nobody knows this i don't think but i did work retail coming up through law school i actually worked in uh now it wasn't a china shop particularly but we did sell some some some some some pieces but the wood floor now what we had there is you could have issues where uh if you the displays if somebody if you didn't uh move them around properly uh they would gouge i think is the word you're looking for they would gouge the wood floors put real just uh just not even a scrape but this actual like you you know you're gonna have to

Natty Bumpercar: refinish it to fix that and i remember one time i was rufus rufus i'm sorry um okay well all right well yeah so thank you um i don't think i i don't know why we're fixating on the the china shop part here or working retail what i was i was talking to like you group of people and everyone's talking and everyone's having fun and then you jump in with a story and you're like this is it this story this is really it's moving the conversation forward it ties into everything that we're talking about it makes sense that i would bring it up uh and then you know a little bit into the story you realize that the room has become silent like not even like if you're at a restaurant it's not even just your table that's become silent there are the the workers are standing around just looking not even at you because they're too uncomfortable to look at you other tables you know maybe they were about to pay their checks they've they've just sat back down put their hands on top of each other on the table and they're kind of looking at their hands uh just just nerves uh and you you look around you go oh no did i do this did i make did i did i did i make wow did i did i ruin did i end the whole restaurant for right now is that what i've done socially am i that socially awkward that i have managed to shut down an entire uh business so i uh so not

Doodle Poodle: i know exactly what you're talking about because it has situation that's happened to me more than one time where i was you know i was i was i was i was in the lily pads we started the the pond was the lily pad and you know sometimes after we have the dinner of like we eat some flies and some you know like little little that's really what we eat is the bugs it's delicious if you cook them properly which is to say you don't cook them at all because once you cook them they don't they don't taste good but i'm a frog so everyone needs to understand that my palate might be a little bit different than your palate but anyway after we eat we you know like to say and look at the moon and maybe there's a dragonfly like just kind of buzzing by and you know and one time i remember that i was telling a story and you know nighttime on the pond can be a pretty loud place there's a lot of good stuff going on where you go you know the rear bit the rear bit whatever and then there's over here you have the little skeezes little noises every there's noise a lot of noises around the pond they're beautiful calming noises but you know they're it can be a bit cacophonous in the in the nicest way and i i was telling a story and then i looked around because i noticed it was getting very quiet and sometimes frogs when they're very uncomfortable what they'll do is they're just like they don't even jump off the lily pad they just kind of tilt the lily pad so they'll just kind of slide into the water and i was that is yeah everyone had just disappeared just me there no dragonflies no the moon was even behind the clouds because i guess my story was was that i don't know if it was boring or if it was just kept going on and on or if it was no one was interested or i don't really know what happened but it was and i didn't feel so good so i know kind of what there's no china shop there's no glass none of this stuff the uh but we don't really do that in the pond but just a lot of uh nobody around type of thing and i was like oh my

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah i can kind of see just from listening to your story uh listen it was a fine story it's a great story you know uh but then at a point it seemed like you kind of um just lost the thread a little bit you know you kind of started it's almost like you got sleepy it's like you're telling a story and you know it's a there's a restaurant and you have flies you're eating and lily pads and dragonflies and the moon like you know nice stuff really painting a picture of the moon and then you picture for me and then kind of towards the end when you start talking about the people who kind of just uh sliding into the water uh yeah i was looking around trying to find myself a little bit of water to slide into myself and that's you know no nothing on you you did a great job but you just kind of yeah you just ran out of steam like if you were a train if you were a steam engine you you just you just stopped going and that's okay you know that that's station it was right over there the people can get out and they can walk or we can send over a horse and buggy whatever it is to you know get the luggage and so you were close you're very close

Rufus T. Rufus: now when i was talking about i was working retail uh in the the the bull we're back to the bull now the bull in the china shop uh now that recollection came to me when you just mentioned a horse and a because there's one time in the shop that we had left the doors open for ventilation because it was a little bit stuffy inside and well uh uh lo and behold uh a horse just wandered right into the store right and you understand horses are much uh more calm than and then and then them bulls you know that isn't to say that horses can't get excited and whatever they're back on their haunches and they're being all big whore whatever but just in general the horse was fine walking around the different displays uh if his feet were clean so the carpet was not an issue and then when it got over to uh the uh the hardwood floor now you know it did get a little bit scuffed up no gouges but uh you know i think if i if i had to expound upon the the the the saying i'd say something wrong lines or you know you're like a bull don't be like a bull in a china shop uh be more like a horse who just happened to walk in because uh uh the people had work in there had opened the door to to let it just air out a little bit i guess that's too wordy i mean i'm not i'm not being paid by the word here that's

Natty Bumpercar: for sure yeah um okay well so yeah i like i do like the bull in the china shop more like a horse i don't really feel like a horse should go into a china shop either uh just you know it's what if it's busy what if uh what if there's like a shop cat and it freaks the horse out what if uh you know there's just a lot of variables there's a lot of things that could go wrong you know what if there's like an a clothing section you know and the horse is just like i'm gonna i'm gonna munch on this uh on this uh i was gonna say camisole but i don't know what that is on this cami no on the you know what i'm just gonna i'm just gonna eat these linens because they they look and they smell delicious i don't know how hungry this horse is whose horse is it anyway why is there just a horse wandering around the street walking into shops uh why is this chaos that we're living in brah you're sitting here

Aloysious J. Pig: walking to a frog and to a pig and to a lawyer so whatever you know the animal that is but why are we uh getting all held up on uh there being a horse walking into a store i was i walked into like seven stores yesterday you know what any anybody said to me they said hello that's what they said they no one was just like hey pig what you doing in here right like one of them was even like that because it's a store that i've been in before but that's not the point my point is sometimes a horse is gonna have to go into a store and that's just the way it is and if you have carpets or if you have hardwood that's on you okay you know people come in with their with their steel toe boots or their their stiletto heels and nobody's grabbing them what is that doing to the hardwood gouging i would assume right but all of a sudden you know they're you got a uh an equine specimen coming into the shop and you're like whoa what is like just that's not fair it's not right it's not for you to judge bumper car yeah i don't i don't you know pig i can

Doodle Poodle: tell you're getting a little bit excited like you know it was very good reason and i just i don't know you know if there was judging going on necessarily or if it was more just kind of like you know talking about the situation just like whoa how did this situation happen and then you know kind of trying to deconstruct it a little bit uh but again i'm i was fine with it so i don't want to you know i just think we went from a bull and then i was a frog and then the horse and then uh the aloe she's you had a pig um i've i've been i don't go into stores as much as i used to really um just a few stores that i just i won't go into because i don't agree with you know some of the things that i do not going to name any names but i think you know i think you know uh but so i don't online shop either because that's not good for the environment so what i've started doing is really just not buying anything ever which is great for my economy i just have all of this money just stuffed into my mattress my wet wet frog mattress yeah hold on you got you got a mattress

Rufus T. Rufus: you got a mattress full of money hold on a second where's that where's that frog sleep at anyway

Aloysious J. Pig: okay anyway bumper guy didn't you have some story at the beginning you want to tell maybe you should get to it finally you know we went through the whole thing what were you wanting to talk about

Natty Bumpercar: thank you aloe it's just i really appreciate that so it's not a big deal but this story that i was telling which i thought was going to be a great story that i thought everyone was going to love um it was about this time very recently when i went through it was kind of a traumatic but also kind of a hilarious scenario that i set myself up for but i was like everyone's gonna love this story because it's about me doing dumb stuff

Producer: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

July 15, 2025
Bumperpodcast #411 – Season 2 – Watch out

Natty gets attacked by falling things. Will he ever survive?!

The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

Another story about saving baby animals!

A feel good story!

Previous episode!

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Natty Bumpercar 0:04
Hey there jumbo Elia it’s me Natty Bumpercar. And I am so beyond excited. I don’t I’d say today is sunny, whatever that means, whatever for the day that means, but who cares? Who cares? Who cares? Let’s get right into it so much going on. Wherever then don’t worry about it. Am I here? I’m here, Maxie. I’m recording two episodes today. One for you. And then one for something called Radio Free Montclair. And I don’t know maybe that one will end up in the feed as well. Who knows I don’t know how these things work. In theory, we were going to be recording an episode of pig and pals with the the kids and all the different characters from that show. But it hasn’t happened but that’s okay. You know, we were looking at income

Producer 0:51
not not your Your. Your what just happened to you? Yeah, do you do your word cut off and then you did a bit of coughing but you’re you’re not sick?

Natty Bumpercar 1:01
Or you know, I just had something too much. I honestly I haven’t been speaking as or talking as much as I was before for some reason. And so I’m trying to get used to talking again, which is strange. It’s a strange thing to try to get used to but I can hear my voice is all is all. Looky loo did you just say it? We did. It was looky loo because I feel like we have set a precedent in the last 5000 episodes of this park.

Rufus T. Rufus 1:27
Hi, everyone. I’m Rufus. Rufus. The lawyer. Oh, no,

Natty Bumpercar 1:33
you are you

Rufus T. Rufus 1:34
what is going on?

Natty Bumpercar 1:35
Roof is roofers. Are you okay? That was a no you’re coughing first. I was golfing. No, you’re coughing produce you sounded fine. But I don’t. I don’t know. Hey, Aloysius, can you get over here for a second? I want to I want to test something out. I want to see what’s going on what’s

Aloysius J. Pig 1:49
going on? Bumpercar How you doing? It’s me. I’ll always just J pig hanging out with you as I always do. You know, sometimes it’s something Yeah, something something that Lou I working on Iran. You know, yeah, you

Natty Bumpercar 2:02
need to work harder. You sound fine, too. I was. So I was coughing and then Rufus was coughing produce your sound fine. And you sound fine. Anyway, hi, everybody. Well, I’m glad you guys are all here. We can talk about some fun stuff. And yeah,

Producer 2:16
can you just get to it though, because you’re telling too many teenagers with you know, got limited time here. So you, you can’t like, oh, I record the podcast. It’s a weekly podcast. Don’t put it out for a month. And then when I do and eat up all the time, be willing and verbally I am I don’t. Am I babbling and babbling,

Rufus T. Rufus 2:34
my friend. You’re basically the king of Babylon and Babylon at this point. I’m going to start telling you, Brooke because you babble so much. Can anybody think of a joke with bibble? Again, but babble? I was like a babbling brook but Liberland I don’t know. I don’t know. But you’re building and battling yet as what you do.

Aloysius J. Pig 2:53
Yeah, I can’t take a bibble either. It’s bibble its people an actual way. I don’t think so. I’ve heard I’ve heard down. People know, and I don’t think so. But anyway, Papa Coco.

Natty Bumpercar 3:05
Well, here’s the story I’m going to tell you today. I have this is a few weeks ago at this point, but I was in a big store giant store. And I was in an aisle it was 815 in the morning, and I had to get two gallons of paint so big can two cans of paint, not the little little ones is weird. So you can get a pint of pain which is tiny, you can get a quart of paint which is a little bit bigger, I think get a gallon or you can get a five gallon five gallons is too big, but I was getting two gallon cans. And they were they were just above my head. And I I gone to the paint desk before Hey, where’s this specific kind of paint because I was painting ceilings and roofs because we’re still working on the barn. But it’s coming along so well. The walls are in the electric is in everything has been painted, there’s just now some touch up that needs to happen. It’s so exciting. So I had to get this paint. And so I pulled one gallon of paint off the shelf. And then I put it down next to me. And then as I went to grab another gallon of paint, the craziest thing happened I got it off and then out of nowhere, a third gallon. This is number three which I would I did not want I did not ask for but it just flipped off the shelf it like fell off the shelf. And I mean missed me my face by mere inches. But it did luckily land and hit my leg and hit my foot and explode everywhere. Now when a gallon fan explodes, it’s serious business and it all over the shoes all over the pants a little bit on the sweatshirt. And I was standing there and I don’t know if you should continue with this podcast. You might not want to say anything else because you might. We might have a case here a court case, maybe a libel case. Maybe terney What I could handle for you now well just hold on here the whole story first because I think it’s it to me it was kind of funny ish, I guess funny light. So I was standing there and I went, Oh, no. And I looked down the aisle there was there was a worker and I said, Hi help this, this thing has happened. And he was very scowled, and he said, Go to the paint department. Now. He’s like, Okay, go to the paint department. So I walked a few feet over to the paint department, where the gentlemen who had helped me find the the king the Kent paint. Yeah, I can’t, I can’t do it. The paint was, and I said, I am so sorry. And then that’s when he looked up at me. And he went, Oh, come on. And he just turned and walked away. I don’t know where he went. I never saw that guy again. No, come on. And so I’m standing there covered in pain. And I didn’t know what to do. It was just like, pain. So I walked it to the front. And there was a nice woman there cashier, she was working at the registers. And she was the first one, he was actually kind of human with the whole situation. And she said, Oh, no, what happened to you? And I was just like, campaign fell, hit explode. And she was like, oh, and she ran, and she got some paper towels, and she got a trashcan for me. You know, I’m cleaning up as best I can. But when you’re covered in paint, yeah, there’s not a lot of cleaning up you can do. So, you know, and I’m throwing stuff away. And I’m trying to wipe the floor because I’ve gotten paint everywhere. And she she said, Oh, Baby, don’t you don’t have to do that. Don’t worry about the floor. And I said, Okay. Okay. And so I finished wiping up my shoes, and pants and jacket, everything. And then I started to finish shopping. And so I went over and I got the stuff that I had gotten previous to getting the paint, and there was still no one there that the you know, the, the the pool of paint was still there. And it was expanding, it was getting bigger. And so I was just like, alright, I don’t know what to I don’t know what to do. So I went around the store, and I just kind of finished my shop. And

Aloysius J. Pig 7:22
so I don’t I mean, I guess he’s not really important to this job where you get another staff? Or was it because you said you had other stuff? It was a decision? Did you have like a shopping cart? Or did you just we just kind of login everything around? Like because I know you do that sometimes you like to go into stores and you’re like, I’m going to get one or two things and you end up getting 15 things. And you still try to carry him without a basket. Without a card. We have nothing. And so I mean, I just was wondering,

Natty Bumpercar 7:51
yeah, so I did not have a basket or car. I think I’d gotten like four small things. And then the two gallons of paint. So would have been six things. But yeah, so nothing, nothing too big. I mean, the paint cans are the biggest heaviest things. But you know, so no, I didn’t have any of that stuff. But I did. So I went around the store. And I kind of went down and all the way around like a little loop because you can kind of get to all the different places from the loop that goes around the interior of the store. And it took me over to like they have a, I guess kind of like a mat not a management desk, but like a I don’t know a desk with people, professional people. And I said, Oh, I’m so sorry, this thing happened. And I recounted the story. And they they there were three, two or three guys, and they looked over at me and they went okay, like that. That was their reaction to the gentleman that’s me covered in pain right in front of their desk. Okay, well, yeah, that was all it was it and I went okay, and so I I went to lead I even said that, you know, there’s a big puddle of paint there. It says it’s a danger. But I you know, and I forgot like, so when I had already cleaned myself off, and I was I went over to grab my stuff. There was an older gentleman who was about to go down the aisle, and I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re gonna want to watch out for that big puddle of pain. It’s gonna get you. And he said, Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, young boy. And he gave me a penny candy which is I really appreciate it because I do love penny candy. So I ended up you know, I bought my stuff. We took a couple of extra bags, and went out to the parking lot put my stuff in the car and then I had to take off my pants, my shoes and my sweatshirt and put them into the bags, the extra bags so that I didn’t get paint all over my car. It was a I guess it could have been a humbling experience, but I just I didn’t care. I didn’t care You know, I was standing there in my boxer shorts and a T shirt. I was like, I was so disgruntled by the by the entire thing. I

Rufus T. Rufus 10:07
don’t blame you, I would have been beside myself with anger.

Natty Bumpercar 10:12
Yes, it was very frustrating. But I, you know, whatever, I got home, I put all the stuff away. And I was telling my wife about it. And she was just like, what if it wouldn’t hit your head? Would they have cared then? And I was like, I had no doubt. So I did what any, you know, fine, upstanding person does in this digital age. I went on Twitter, and I tweet a little joke about it. But then I tweeted directly to the company. Hey, here’s this thing that happened. Here’s a picture of everything. And nothing got no response. I was like, Wow, all right. So then I, the next day, when I I called the customer service number. I was just like, This just seems weird that no one cared about this situation. And the woman was wonderful that I spoke to and she kept calling me baby. She’s like, Oh, baby, oh, baby. I’m so sorry. And I was just like, yeah, as fun. And she she sent it to somebody. And then within 30 minutes, somebody from the store called me and get this. When I was telling him about it. He’s like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had to clean up all the pain. I was like, Yeah, well, I didn’t know what to do. And he’s like, yeah, the guys yesterday, they said, the guy that did this, he just ran out of the store. And I was like, that’s not true at all. I was there for another 15 minutes. I talked to several employees. And he was saying this is unacceptable. But he’s like, are you okay? And I was like, Yeah, I just, you know, my, my clothes are ruined, but whatever. It’s kind of frustrating. But yeah. And I thought that was it. I thought we were done. But then I got this call from some random in their insurance company. And they said, really? Oh, you have to go through the whole story. So I went through the whole story again, I’ve gotten very good at telling this story at this point. And, you know, the moon was in the, the East and the sky and the clouds, precipitation, whatever. And so I told the whole story. And he’s like, Well, what can we do to make this better? And I was like, I’d love new shoes and pants. Those are in my sweatshirt. And we tried to figure out how much they were. And they were like, Oh, the system says it’s worth 100 bucks. And I was like, Oh, that’s cool. We call adding insult injury that hurts why?

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial notary but it’s licensed please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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March 18, 2022
Bumperpodcast #403 – Season 2 – Golfing

Natty and, really everyone, talks about a ridiculous situation that Natty recently got himself into. Listen. You’ll LOVE it! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-kufn2ohn’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-kufn2n0c’ sc_version=’1.0′] Producer 0:05 Hello it’s me producer Eric and then here in the banter podcast, and today we’re going to play a new game. We’re gonna clean this right? Natty Bumpercar 0:14 Hey, hey, hey producer What’s going on? This is some wacky little music because there’s no I think all right, whatever. Hey everybody thanks producer I’m just gonna take it from here if you don’t mind Producer 0:26 totally, totally fine it’s your show and I’m just sharing just a frog over here in the pushing the buttons and doing the things and you know Rufus T. Rufus 0:39 now it’s it’s it’s it hold on one second. I got a little slow take on it. It Yeah. Night is Rufus my sound okay. All right. It is Rufus T. Rufus here and, producer. If you have a need to work on your contract, then of course, you know, who really who is to work with contact to in practice and who to interact with jack that would be all right. Natty Bumpercar 1:10 Hey, Rufus. So anyway, now it’s me Natty Bumpercar. And we’ve had a weird couple of weeks last week we talked about sad stuff the week before that was kind of sad when so now we’ve got this weird dude who did doo dee doo dee doo doo doo doo doo music that is I guess supposed to be happy. I don’t know who made this. Doodle Poodle 1:33 Hi, Natty, it’s me. Doodle Poodle. make music I like to make things. And sometimes people say that music notes look like drawings on pages. Aloysius J. Pig 1:56 Like, yeah, Natty. I don’t know. Like, what you’re two minutes into the episode. Who’s here so far? We got that. Rufus t roll fish over there. I think doodle portal we just heard produce show at yummy. I heard your talk for a second now. I’ll be Halloween. Yes. Well, what’s this episode about? anyway? That’s Natty Bumpercar 2:18 a great question. So this episode, so I haven’t been catching you guys up. I had three comedy shows last week, three night after night after night. And it was so much fun. But here’s the craziest thing that happened at one of them. It was an hour away. And I was so stressed out because there was a lot of traffic and I was supposed to get there at 645 No, wait. 630 I don’t know. But I was getting there at seven. And I was really nervous. And it was at a country club which is like a big golf course like a big fancy rich people golf course. And the way my map took me it took me past the main entrance which I didn’t even notice because I was so insanely late. You’re like my brain was like, Nah, and I wasn’t literally in through the back. I’ll wait to the back. Who am I was just gonna say oh, you bright? Well Aloysius J. Pig 3:15 you looped yellow. Rufus T. Rufus 3:16 Now hold on a second. If someone’s going to be looping looping today. I need to know about that. Because I’m gonna have to get the human resources department up and yeah, and and actuate some, some external Sam systems. No, I don’t even but I know it’s gonna be a situation. Natty Bumpercar 3:37 Great to know, no one was loop de loop. Everyone was fine. I was just, I was I was in such a rush. I wasn’t super paying attention. And then when it took me into the back, like there was a giant barn. And this big, big, big, big, big mountain of what it is that’s mulch and stuff. And I was like this and tractors were tractors, too. And I was like, well, this, this doesn’t seem this is this is weird. This isn’t a normal entrance to a big ritzy golf course. But you know, it makes if this is the way the blue line is pointing me then I guess this is the way I go. So I came in when behind or pass the barn around the hill of mulch. And then there were two roads, one to the left one to the right. The one to the left was overgrown and gravel. The one to the right, looked like it was kind of more of a road. And so I was like, Oh, well, clearly it’s the one to the right. And I started going that way and then the map was like, This isn’t the way you want to go. You want to go down this scary gravel road. And so I pulled back and I started going down that road. Now Rufus T. Rufus 4:43 I’m wondering as a lawyer of the law of the ball system, if I am going to have to recuse myself from the rest of this podcast as I don’t want to be implicated or infatuated. Or a regulated by whatever information you’re going to put out if I have to represent you Natty Bumpercar in a court of law then I don’t want to have let’s say split different Natty Bumpercar 5:16 split I don’t think you’re gonna have split differences from this situation but maybe you will Producer 5:25 I don’t know Natalie one time I went to a family reunion and the swamp inland we had several split differences that we still had to go to the doctor to diet and diet family frog family therapy to talk about with these split differences it’s been very difficult around the swamp I’ve taken to look at people I can talk to people I can do anything you know, and normally as frogs are very close in the family voted to recursively split rooms is very very difficult. Aloysius J. Pig 6:01 I’m pretty sure that split differences isn’t even a thing and it’s one of the one of the things that rolfers shows and we don’t as we talked about in the meeting for the podcast. Whenever robots or any of us you mostly say these ridiculous things. We don’t then have to respond to them as if they’re true or real. Okay, so if if Rufus is like are you gonna pay me in putting this week we don’t you don’t have to respond to that did they say I’m gonna pay you or I just to smile and walk away you could just smile that’s fine. Because what happens is we start to to simulate these things split differences in the bad case people listening they’re driving that do whatever they’re doing, they’re on their walks, maybe eating a scone I’m so hungry right now. But they hear these things and then they hear us continue to talk about them for a long time and they’re like Oh, do I do I need to learn about split differs? No, you don’t because? jibberish So anyway, yeah, I Natty Bumpercar 7:06 agree. Bumpercar Yeah, Aloysius J. Pig 7:07 were you trespassing I think that’s one of the fears Yeah, I Natty Bumpercar 7:10 don’t think I was I mean like because the map I mean, this isn’t my defense but like the map took me to this road and it took me behind the barn and so once I couldn’t go down the the seemingly more rodie Road is how I’m going to describe it and I had to go down this scary road right and it was like there was an overgrown like but like there were bushes like really close in and it was basically the width of the car like it was a tiny little road and I was again my brain was just like red flag doesn’t seem right. But I kept going and about a minute and a half in as I’m driving and it’s dark like really dark headlight it’s night everything I start looking around and I’m like well okay, I’m on this little road I’m just gonna go really slow and huh I’m right in the middle of the the golf course. Right in the middle of Zetas sand trap is this a hill like I’m in the Oh gosh, I think I might be on a golf cart path I think I might be driving on the golf golf car path in my car to this show to this benefit oh my gosh, what am I going to get and then Rufus T. Rufus 8:23 you’re going to get in big trouble because I’m looking over your insurance paperwork here and for the vehicle and nowhere does it state that you are allowed to be operating machinery upon the the links the golf course the greens the the the driving range though you know all these things. The front peg the back I don’t the whole the flag I don’t know a lot of stuff about golf courses. I’m just kind of rattling some stuff off You understand? But yeah, you clearly were against the grain this Natty Bumpercar 9:02 time I was against the grain I don’t care but like I was so nervous like I was freaking out because like I was at a point where I couldn’t back out because the road was just too tiny and I was I was like looking I put it in reverse and you have a little camera and the camera was just like I don’t I don’t think you should do it man. And I was like okay, so I’m just gonna keep going forward. And then out of nowhere this golf cart was on the garden it was flying at me like coming very fast. Aloysius J. Pig 9:34 Was it like a police golf cart? Do they have those didn’t have like lights? Was it like this is a golf cart police. Were gonna talk to you. I don’t know it wasn’t like that. Natty Bumpercar 9:46 I know it wasn’t like that. But I do appreciate the care as one reference there. So now but it was it was just a guy in a golf cart and coming at me real fast and my window was still Cuz he kind of appeared and came over to me quickly and he was yelling at me and I threw the glass in the car still running. And it wasn’t driving, but it was and I was just like, Hmm, I put up the hold on a second sign the with the finger like, excuse me, one second. I’m, I’m working on Producer 10:18 this. And by working on this, you mean you were working on making the window go down, it doesn’t really work and you push a button and goes down. It’s automatic. Natty Bumpercar 10:28 Yeah, fine. But I was just I was kind of freaked out. And it took me a second to push the button and it went down. And the guy was in mid yell, but the gist of what he was saying was, what are you doing here? You’re driving on the golf course. And I was like, oh, but a guy was me being nauseous. And I was like, I didn’t the road. And I pointed started pointing at the screen, you know, in my car. And I was like map, blue the line. Because here’s the thing. Google Maps, like, they drive cars around. I wasn’t supposed to say which map it was it was Google Maps. But they they have cars to drive around with sensors and cameras and whatnot, that map the roads. But the golf cart, lead lane, I’ll call it that little road was was mapped. So how is that even possible? That I’m I’m on a mapped road, but it’s a golf cart road. And I was trying to explain and he didn’t he didn’t really want to care for me. He didn’t really care. He was just like, follow me, you know, okay. And so I very slowly, like he got in front of me, and he’s driving, and I’m following. And then we get to a fork in the road left or right. And he kind of pulls off and I pull next to him. And he was like, go that way and now he’s just like, okay, and he’s like, why are you even here? I was like, this is it. This is my least favorite thing. I just like I’m I’m the I’m a comedian. I mean, no, you never want to own the comedian. I’m here to make people laugh. And he was like, home park right there. Like he’s yelling at me. And I don’t blame him. If he if it’s his golf course. And I’m driving on it. I would be upset too. But tonight I parked and then I made my way in and I was late to so that freaked me out. And then I got inside and I was setting everything up my microphone and everything. And yeah, and then the show happened. Rufus T. Rufus 12:35 The show happened did they lead you off after the show in handcuffs? Were you in country club? the brig the jail and whatever you under the staff Natty Bumpercar 12:49 know that. I mean, actually, honestly, they fed me. I did the show. It went fine. It wasn’t the best show, but it was fine. And I even told him this story thinking like, Oh, you guys are not gonna believe what happened to me tonight. And they were like, tell your jokes, silly man. And it was fine. It was great. It was fun. And then so I had that show. And I think that’s probably one of my favorite comedy memories that I can remember certainly because it was just so silly. I was just like this is such a me thing. That has just happened I’m on a golf course. Why Why does this happen to me? Aloysius J. Pig 13:28 You think it’s because the universe is out to get you Natty Bumpercar 13:31 know like Is that a thing is that is that real Producer 13:33 route doing frog if I’m brand friendly there are some rules about such things and you know so it’s possible that mandanna things yes the dots to get to but you know it’s you do what you do man you could just can’t okay, right? Okay, Rufus T. Rufus 13:53 I know why y’all make fun of me sometimes because I’m livid and bla bla and talk a little bit of gibberish but that frog today and lick assume I agree Aloysius J. Pig 14:02 wholeheartedly. He does he’s why he’s more of a like behind the scenes behind the board. He’s a button pusher and that’s fine. There’s no prominent there’s no issue really your great producer at what you do, which is produce unicorn. Yeah, well, hey, Natty Bumpercar 14:18 listen, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. My silly golf course story. I’m so happy that the bumper podcast is back to being silly. Maybe next week, I’ll tell you about how I got in a fight with the town council of my town and had to start an arts organization and arts Alliance if you will, or I can give you a progress report on the studio build out we’re hopefully we’re going to have some soundproofing so I don’t have to listen to banjo barking and big motorcycles going by anyway, bumper, Bond casket tears, you know what you are? Of course you do. You’re the bass Outro 15:05 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com. forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar we also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar comm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts See you soon. NonPro 16:25 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

October 6, 2021
Bumperpodcast #399 – Season 2 – Camps

Natty has been to three camps in the last week to tell the jokes. It has been quite an adventure. Quite an adventure! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ hover_colors=” hover_background_color=” hover_font_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=” sc_version=’1.0′] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=” sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:03 Hey everybody, it’s me Natty Bumpercar. And and and I want to let you know that we’re only three episodes away from our 400th episode, wait, including today, it might be 297 9899 and then 400 Whoa. And so we want to do something super special for the 400th episode. So what I’ve done is I’ve written a an intro, and it’s like a song type of thing. And I sent it out to a bunch of people. And I was just like, hey, just you can read this or you can sing it or whatever. And here’s the thing. I was wondering if you would want to be part of the intro to if you do, just find me at Natty Bumpercar on Twitter and send me a message. And then I’ll send you the script for the intro. And then I’ll put it all together. And then maybe you can be part of something that’s pretty cool. At least I think it’s pretty cool. I think it’s pretty special. Pretty super special. Just like you. Come on. Let’s do it. What’s going on everybody? It’s me. Natty. Natty. Natty. He is Natty Bumpercar. And I’m thrilled to be with you here today because I’ve got an amazing story. A phenomenal story. Something that same Aloysius J. Pig 1:23 Natty, What’s your story? Well, you can get to it soon, I’m sure. But before you get to it, I had a pretty cool story is well, Natty Bumpercar 1:31 that’s great pig. But this like, I really want to share this story. And I kind of thought this was just going to be one of those like Bumpercar tells a story kind of episode. Rufus T. Rufus 1:40 That would be unfortunate and indiscriminate as I also have a couple I actually have several 123 if you have two now that’s a couple. Right? And three, what is that several as several stories that I wanted to impart upon two days. Okay, my podcast. Natty Bumpercar 2:00 I don’t think that I really don’t think we have time because I wanted to help my I have one story and I was super excited about telling it and so maybe can we can I can I just tell my story? Aloysius J. Pig 2:13 Yes. So wait. So now you’re saying that nobody else gets to tell a story. It’s gonna be all you the whole time. Rufus T. Rufus 2:20 You know, I had three scores, and I wanted to tell it as all the truth, truth and if so facto. Okay, think of the word. Natty Bumpercar 2:34 But guys, you’re just speaking gibberish. I just, we’re already, like, almost three minutes in and I want to tell my story. And so how about I’ll tell my story, then pig, you can tell your story. And then Rufus, if we can, you can tell as many stories as you want with the time that we have left. Aloysius J. Pig 2:51 I mean, that seems okay to me is whatever I don’t want even I don’t even want to fire energy. Rufus T. Rufus 2:56 I’m gaining the fuel gauge. Okay, so let’s, let’s proceed. Natty Bumpercar 3:00 Okay, great. So in taking care of time, we had a yard sale last weekend. In the morning, I got up and I moved the car around the corner so that there’ll be more room in the driveway for the stuff. And when I moved the car was like 730 in the morning. There was a mama duck. And she was gray. And she had this bright blue stripe on her. And she was standing there with with with five little ducklings, right right on the corner. And so I got out, but Lily said it was a mother’s a duck. She’s like a mom. There was a mama and five little ducklings and they were standing on the corner. Aloysius J. Pig 3:39 And so your story’s about ducks. Natty Bumpercar 3:41 Yeah, why I don’t like that’s the name of the episode is lucky ducks and so yeah. Aloysius J. Pig 3:47 Okay, whatever I don’t care about and I’ve never read the title. But the thing is, my story is also about ducks. Natty Bumpercar 3:54 Really? Okay, what is yours? Aloysius J. Pig 3:56 Yeah. So I’m walking down by Dr. stream. And there’s some ducks around doing duck things. quacking swimming, whatnot. And all of a sudden this mama doc runs over. She’s got some little baby ducks winner. Right. And she’s freaked out. Okay. Natty Bumpercar 4:16 Oh, okay. Well, this is interesting, because I think I know why she was Rufus T. Rufus 4:20 now hold on one second as your legal representation here not a Rufus T. Rufus and telling you not to say another word. I believe that this is being recorded somehow, somewhere some ways somehow. I did that twice. But so I would say do not implicate yourself if you if you consider yourself happy as a free man, Natty Bumpercar 4:43 obviously happy as a free man. But I’m not going to implicate myself because I didn’t do anything wrong. So pig. I think what happened was, so I saw the ducks, I took their picture, and I was gonna show it to the kids. And then she wandered off right and the little ducklings followed Her but then I still heard this like, all around me. It was baby ducks. And I was looking around everywhere. And, Aloysius J. Pig 5:13 and I know and they had fallen into the sewer great Is this what is this true? This is what she was saying she was saying to all the ducks, she was like, ducks, ducks, we gotta go save my babies they fell down into. She didn’t say super great because she said metal hole is what she said. Natty Bumpercar 5:31 Yeah, so that’s exactly what happened. I looked down. And there were I think I counted like six baby tiny little ducklings. And they were stuck down in the sewer. And then I lay down. And I saw I tried to see if I could get my arm in there to get them but there wasn’t enough space. And so then I Rufus T. Rufus 5:48 hold on one second because this was right around when I would have received a phone call woke me up out of my slumber, my beauty sleep. And it was a mama duck and she was honking and squawking about the greats, the metal holes. She said, this town, my babies, I need help. I need representation. And I said, Ma’am, I will be there. Sweet. Aloysius J. Pig 6:15 So I saw her on the phone. When she was she was talking all the ducks to get them to help but nobody could help because you know, where’s it gonna go? And then she said she was on the telephone. And so she must have been talking to you because then she scooped up all her babies. And she ran off. She said, I gotta I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. Natty Bumpercar 6:34 Don’t go. No, I’m just kidding. So here’s the thing. I called home because I was about a block and a half away. And I was like, here’s a situation. It’s a very serious situation, get over here with the kids. And then while they were coming over, actually called the police. And they sent over three cars to help. Rufus T. Rufus 6:58 That’s interesting to me because I actually met mama duck at the police station and there were no cars there. There wasn’t there was no one that to help us. They said they also said they are often very important business and they would not tell me what was going on. Aloysius J. Pig 7:14 So in and I’m still over by the string with the ducks. And we actually got out some we were going to we were drawn up on paper some plans to see how we could figure out how to get the dogs out and there was we thought your ducks are not great planets. Okay, don’t I’m not besmirching. But from my experience my own personal experience, ducks. Not so great. Natty Bumpercar 7:37 Okay, well, so what I said the police came, and I had, I was able to lift the great, like, maybe a half an inch up, but it was really heavy. And so these guys, they were giant, they were really big. And they came and they, you know, they’re looking at it, they’re like, oh, we’re gonna call the town that you know, they’re gonna have to bring over a tractor to lift this and also and I was just like, Guys, I’m scrawny, I was able to lift it a bit, I think that you can do it. And they got these tools out. And we figured out the physics of where the fulcrum where you should put the thing to pull the things you can get down in there. And it was like a 45 minute ordeal. And the thing was, there were two pipes under the street. There’s one under the whole street, and then one smaller one. And what they would do is they would run back and forth so we had to take off two grades, and they would just ppppp in there would you get him get quieter as they were going under the street. And you’re like oh the ran over that way. And and we even like that we put like a something into the great to kind of like make them make the decision to come closer towards and they finally did. And while we were getting the ducks, we realized, wait, we gotta have somewhere to put these ducks. So I ran home and I got a little container. And it was so funny because my kid he grabbed like, like, a little sauce pot like small and I was like what do you that’s, that’s big enough for one duck. We got 767 ducks over there. Rufus T. Rufus 9:09 I want to make sure he was not grabbing a sauce bought for any other reason. I’m just gonna make a notation here. Okay, Aloysius J. Pig 9:17 real fancy doing okay, your voice got a little grizzled. Rufus T. Rufus 9:20 I’m just worried about the duck lenses all you understand. Natty Bumpercar 9:25 He wasn’t gonna do anything the ducks. But we brought a bigger container. We put them in there. I brought a towel because they kept hopping out Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. And we eventually got all the ducklings Hooray. It was a big deal. In the process, one of the ducklings had jumped out and run under a bush. And so that was a big deal. And I thought that they had gotten that duck. So then I carried all of them over. The police and I we made a parade across the street. And I went to where I had seen the mama duck kind of go early exit down by the Double string riveting, huh? Yeah, yeah. And so we went there was this house that someone had bought and they were doing work on it so there was no one there. So we went down that driveway and at the end of the driveway It was like this crazy hedge that someone had cut a an entrance into it but it was all it wasn’t like a nice It was like all the draggled and scary and like Narnia and bad times and then we got back there and there’s this like dilapidated shed house and a tree and fall and there was a bridge over the steel was a lot to take this Rufus T. Rufus 10:34 and there was a tree that had fallen. I wonder if I can litigate that situation for them. Did you get the no address for me? Sir? Natty Bumpercar 10:42 Of course I didn’t. I didn’t. That’s not the first thing that I think of it’s not even like the fifth thing I think of if I’m gonna be completely Aloysius J. Pig 10:48 alright settled down bump a guy that’s you don’t need to be mean. All right, just tell you that story. Natty Bumpercar 10:52 Yeah. So all ducks saved. And we I walked over the bridge around ended up getting poison ivy Ray, and went to the edge of the of the little stream. And to the right of us into the leftover series. There was a lot of ducks, I would say about 2030 ducks. And my my family were worried they were like, well, I don’t see the mom do you? And I was like, Listen, I’m sure one of these ducks knows mama duck. And she’s gonna relay the information to where they are to her that you know the babies are here. So we just kind of took the container over and all the ducklings they just hopped out. And it was the cute like it was so and then here’s the fun thing. Like they could walk right? But they also they just hopped right in the water and they started swimming. And it was like, just like, I was like, look at you guys with your swimming. Aloysius J. Pig 11:49 All right. So any Did you have any other like, debts your whole story? Natty Bumpercar 11:54 You know? No. So then later in the day after the yard sale, our neighbor had somebody who bought something from us was a blender and she didn’t know how to use a blender and she was asking me how to use the blender. And so I went over and I was trying to show her Now bear in mind she had bought this blender for $3 which in my mind at a yard sale. If you buy something for $3 and you take it away, the transaction is done. I’m not I’m not your tech support. I’m not I don’t have to explain how the blender works. It’s a blender, but I went over to show her. I’m standing on the stairs and I looked down I heard PPP. I looked down and went Oh, and then she looked down and screamed. It was one it was a baby duckling. And when she yelled he ran around the house to move and baby ducklings gonna run really quick and the dogs barking Can you contain them? Rufus T. Rufus 12:43 I am not on doggy duty I cannot those dogs, they are more than I can handle back to you Bumpercar Natty Bumpercar 12:51 So I ran around he kind of fell into this little hole like some stairs so I was able to wrangle him and then I held them close to my heart and he calmed down and then we walked back over across the street through the same place and and I just kind of gently had put him down on the ground and he went PPP down some rocks and then he hopped into the stream and then he just swam away. It was the cutest seller. Aloysius J. Pig 13:20 I think in between those times duck save in one and duck save the dough. I was no longer down at the creek I go 100 take a nap if I’m to be completely honest. And huh so odds are two stories were the same story just from different perspectives Rufus T. Rufus 13:36 here now and and sounds like one of my stores was also tied up as mama duck. And just so you know, we did come back she and I to the correct and we found no babies so she was reunited and I but she was still missing that one. So I hope that he got back to you because that’s that’s that sounds like a beautiful story. Natty Bumpercar 14:00 See, at the beginning of the episode, we were all fighting over who’s gonna tell our stories and it sounds like my story and pig story and Rufus. His story. were all the same. So they were all tied together. Aloysius J. Pig 14:09 I think he had three stories. Natty Bumpercar 14:12 Yeah, yep. Yep. Yep. I was kind of hoping that we managed to avoid that. But sure. Rufus. Do you have other stories? Rufus T. Rufus 14:18 I do. I do. I do. Both of my other stories they really rely on circumnavigate around the grocery store where I went and I was looking for some peanut butter. But I have since discovered that I’ve got a bit of a peanut butter allergy. And then but I do miss very much peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And then I cannot tell you that they have invented a peanut free peanut butter is what it’s called, is it could just be called butter I suppose. But I got it and it’s delicious and just thrilled to be here. back in the saddle back in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich said all right, Natty Bumpercar 15:04 well, I’m thrilled at you. Good job. Um, that makes me happy. So that’s two stories. We’re already running late. So what’s your last story? Rufus T. Rufus 15:13 Well, it all began when I was a child growing up in the woods Aloysius J. Pig 15:19 now the mount can’t do it. Nope, nope. Nope. Any story that starts off when I when I was a kid, I am out maybe other episodes. Yeah, kid. Natty Bumpercar 15:28 We can’t sorry. Rufus That’s weird. Yeah, maybe maybe you can have your own episode coming up at some point, but probably not. We’ll see. Alright, everybody. I hope the little ducklings are listening. We save your lives. Yay. Outro 15:56 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous things a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar we also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar comm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. NonPro 17:19 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

July 17, 2021