Tag: parenting

Bumperpodcast #425 – Season 3 – Gramps

“Gramps” is an episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, the show introduces a new character, Gramps, who adds a new layer of humor and craziness to the already lively town. Gramps, with his wild stories and unique personality, quickly becomes a fan favorite.

The episode also features the return of familiar characters such as Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysius J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, and the always reliable Producer. As they all come together, the town of Coffee-Can Alley becomes a hub of comedic chaos as they engage in a series of improvised sketches and scenes. From witty banter to off-the-wall jokes, this episode is sure to have you in stitches. The Bumperpodcast is a celebration of the unexpected, where anything can happen and no two episodes are ever the same.

(I have started using AI to write my show descriptions. They are marvelous!)

Links:

We have started adding the podcast to Youtube with ridiculous background videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzha2MH5Rf6T89JtRPNqbC0UOxRXxyU0v. Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar. Email us at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Cute old stuff:

Another story about saving baby animals!

A feel good story!

Previous episode!

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Gramps 0:05
bother. I ain’t got time for nothing. I checked my calendar and schedule is awful up. I don’t have any, any even I don’t even I don’t. I don’t have even any time to even think about doing anything. And hey, girl, Hello,

Natty Bumpercar 0:28
how you doing? What’s

going on? What do you do?

Gramps 0:31
I saw this telephone set up and I was trying to make a phone call to the doctor, because I have to have to go to the doctor. Yeah, well, oh, you have to go to

Natty Bumpercar 0:43
the doctor. Well, that seems like something that we should figure out. Definitely. But we’re not going to do it with that stuff. Because that’s the equipment that we use for the podcast here at

Gramps 0:58
lot is called please hand corner.

Anyway, the kind of headquarters is it?

What are you doing here that you’re like, Oh, I flew. You know, you were raised to be high flow. But looking at your own. I got all my quick man.

Y’all got a headquarters.

I don’t even understand half the words that you even say. What’s up?

Like, toe cat? Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar 1:30
Yeah, so we I don’t know. We started calling it headquarters a long time ago, when we were you know, we’re in coffee. Ken alley here and the adjusters superhero team. The zooper Yeah, the superhero team. They have their headquarters and and so they used to a long time ago actually hanging out here and so I guess now that I think about it, they must have named it headquarters and we just kind of moved in. And as far as Bobcat it’s a podcast, podcast podcast. Oh, it’s just like an old radio show basically kind of year you’re talking to people and you have a show and you talk and you say things and say what kind of thing are you saying?

Gramps 2:14
Are you giving out your your banking information your social security number or recipes? You got some good like maybe for cornbread biscuits? Or are you tired like doing reviews? Like you know, I want cedar in my fire and not pine because Pon

Aloysius J. Pig 2:37
a cramps? What’s going on? What are you doing it? I never seen you in the podcast studio. Pig. Sherry is little ham himself. Yeah. Oh, yes. coming in and talking and talking pig again. Yeah. Good to see you. Yeah, anyway, sorry that I had Bumpercar I’m gonna probably just leave you guys to this today. But there’s a little bug going around the house. So if anybody cook a

Gramps 3:09
cockroach,

Aloysius J. Pig 3:10
no, not like a kaka wrote? Like a upper respiratory sickness. You know, it’s a little bit. Everybody’s a little gunked up right now. So I just want you to watch out for it. Wash your hands. You should probably put a mask on. Oh, look those masks at all? Yes, of course. Cramps of course. But you should be should just take care. Okay. Okay. I’m out. Go back to your star. Yeah.

Gramps 3:37
Back to the star.

Aloysius J. Pig 3:39
One Gramps. Good one. Thanks.

Gramps 3:41
Oh, Natty I don’t know why you hang out with that little man with me. He’s fun everything but he’s a pig. You know, you cannot Yeah, you should like oh, he’s my best friend and he’s a beast pig. You know are people people talk is all I’m saying. You can’t go into town and people are like, Oh, I wonder if he’s gonna issue Granger gonna bring that pig out. I’m like, I don’t I can’t control him. He’s up there in his headquarters, you know, loop de loop

Rufus T. Rufus 4:14
raps what’s going on? It’s me. Rufus tearoom. The lawyer you want to stay now I heard you say looped in with somebody here. Let’s act in a little loop. delu that seems a little loop to Lou to you. Because you know what happens if anyone isn’t familiar loopty loop is the term around here and it’s in the contract course that I drew up because I am a lawyer that states and definitive and to that. If you live too low, then you’re out of the show. Basically Bumpercar was looped to glue at some point and he no longer had control of his faculties we sell say and I had to turn over the keys to the to the show to the bumper podcast. It was a time of growth a time of now.

Gramps 4:58
You owe me money.

Rufus T. Rufus 5:00
What what is that gramps?

Gramps 5:02
Remember, I gave it you alone. And I feel like you owe me so a lot of you owe you a you owe me some money and I would appreciate it if you would. Rate you know,

Rufus T. Rufus 5:19
as they say, give me Well, as I always say natty grams is great to see now I’m busy right now Oh, triple quadruple booked and, and also reading triple books. So I gotta scoot on out of here but always good to see you grabs and we’ll be

Gramps 5:40
watching. You come back. I’m gonna allow

somebody stop. Okay, this is incorrigible. I can’t even believe I’m being treated today. I’m home grown song.

Room studio,

y’all quit mass think and I don’t appreciate none of this. Oh,

Natty Bumpercar 6:06
I’m happy that you stopped by and that you’re here. You know, but this is we’re making a podcast and so I it’s kind of it says, you know, I’m sorry about Rufus owing you money. I wish you were nicer to pig. But

Producer 6:28
naughty, it’s me, our producer. And I noticed that we have the grand the grand man here. And I don’t Is Is he on the podcast today as he levels? Are we should we just I don’t what are we doing? And he stopped the outline for the show. Or anything? Yeah,

Natty Bumpercar 6:49
I I didn’t see the outline.

Gramps 6:53
Tell me that this thing is is recording right now. You’ve had this whole conversation for the last 10 minutes. And it’s being recorded. That’s what I talk about this. There’s cameras everywhere. There’s microphones everywhere there. You’re, you’re out to get us your your generation, your younger generation is out to get us and I don’t appreciate it. I didn’t sign anything. And I don’t want to be recorded.

Producer 7:24
I was wondering if Rufus maybe could help with

Gramps 7:30
roofers, your

Producer 7:32
car seat, sir. Yeah, of course. I know. He does. Take your money from time to time for me that’s been the back No. Well, anyway, I’m so sorry that they confusion I. Normally when people come in, I just start recording because I don’t know when we’re going to, you know, make the podcast or when we’re not. And so I say okay, this looks like my chance. And then I hit the bathroom. And I’m very, you know, apologetic. But I think we’ve done a wonderful job so far. If I’m to be honest,

Gramps 8:07
I am sorry to pop my head back in here. So I don’t mean to interrupt twice now. But did I hit something about scripts? Like our outlines? I didn’t know we were starting to do that kind of stuff. Are we going to start having scripts? Because that actually seems like it might be work. And I don’t know if I’m into that is what I’m trying to. I have my hands up and I’m rolling them out. I’m saying I am pointing at myself. I don’t know both hands pointing at you. If I both again, it may am into that. And that’s me putting my hands up like whoa, I don’t that’s if this is just me showing up and saying jibber jabber up on it. You know this. If this is me, having to sit down with you guys at a writers table

Aloysius J. Pig 8:51
who’s you don’t know about

Gramps 8:53
me like

maybe friend is just a layabout. He doesn’t even want to work for anything. He just expects the world to come to him and I say that’s not how it works. In my day, if I wanted to eat, I had to walk up a mountain, cross a river and then into a valley and then wrestle a bear and then get the map to where the food was from the bear and then go to the frozen tundra because the food was there because that’s where it was kept cold it makes sense and I put it in my satchel and then we’ll go all the way back okay give a little bit to the bear because I feel bad that’s wrestling with a very nice and then heated up it would I would go three weeks in between my meal three weeks, really three four times a year I would eat.

Natty Bumpercar 9:54
I I don’t want to question you, but I don’t know think that that the stories that I’ve heard this aren’t, this isn’t true, maybe I mean, like, you can’t go three weeks without eating. I don’t know what you would do you wouldn’t do well, and then just say you only ate three or four times a year, even four times a year that would that would say at that three weeks a clip that’s 12 weeks. So that’s that’s that’s only full. Let’s do the math. Three months. I I again, I’m not questioning you. You have you. i Oh, I don’t

Gramps 10:38
that eats me doodle total. Time. Who makes drawings? Hey, doodle. Hey, Grant was

talking dog. You’re talking frog? Talking ping? It

is played? It’s like the Berenstein No,

I can’t remember what it’s called.

Natty Bumpercar 11:03
The Bremen Town Musicians, which was a favorite book of mine growing up and there was Davis chicken and there’s cat and there was a dog and maybe trying to think a goat. Maybe a horse. I don’t remember. But yeah, I know what you’re talking about. But there was a lot of animals in that good catch. Hey, Judo poodle. Thanks so much for stopping by. That’s very weirdly well timed for you. Could you maybe do me a favor and see if gramps wants to go with you to your studio to maybe you could show him some of your some of your doodles some of your artwork

Doodle Poodle 11:38
just sounds like the best idea that I’ve ever heard in my life. Would you be interested in baby going away studio checking out some of my amazing

Gramps 11:57
genius gonna send me away with this talk and dog high pitched voice to his art studio.

Sees doodles.

Natty Bumpercar 12:09
I think that’d be nice.

Gramps 12:11
I don’t know about this. Well, I

Natty Bumpercar 12:13
just I want you to if you’re gonna be hanging around, I want you to meet some of the other people here at headquarters. And I mean, it’s not like you have a lot on your schedule. Anyway, isn’t.

Gramps 12:23
That reminds me my schedule is so JAM PACKED again do anything.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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February 10, 2023
Bumperpodcast #423 – Season 3 – Transparancy

We are back for a whole new year and a whole new season of ridiculousness! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=’faq_markup’ initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” size-toggle=” av-desktop-font-size-toggle=” av-medium-font-size-toggle=” av-small-font-size-toggle=” av-mini-font-size-toggle=” size-content=” av-desktop-font-size-content=” av-medium-font-size-content=” av-small-font-size-content=” av-mini-font-size-content=” heading_tag=” heading_class=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-lcqgrzvu’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-lcqgrwmr’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:00 I can eat Check, check, check any check, check. Hi everybody. It’s me Natty Bumpercar. And well, I guess it’s a new season. Well, I guess it’s a new year. New Me. I don’t know. I Rufus T. Rufus 0:16 think it should be an entirely new podcast given the fact Hi everyone. This is me. Rufus. T. Rufus. Given the fact that you’ve been disappeared for quite some time. Do you have any kind of explanations for the audience? You can’t just leave them hanging like Producer 0:32 everyone needs me producer and not that you don’t have to actually say anything. You’re just you are a very busy man. And not everyone knows. You’re doing lots of things and sometimes you get bogged down which is funny coming from a frog bug go good frog only log in a bog it’s funny to me. It’s a frog joke. Anyway. You don’t have to tell Rufus anything. Okay, Aloysius J. Pig 0:54 Natty, I have you want to see me? I always just J pig heart coming in here. Hot. I’m coming in here hot. And I am bothered by this whole situation. Because here’s the thing. I think you don’t need it. I give an explanation. Everybody Bumpercar Because the last time you put out an episode was a the I don’t know. I don’t even I honestly, I don’t even know my calendar doesn’t go far that far back. Okay. So I appreciate when I think everybody would appreciate it as you maybe just a little bit of transparency. That’s, you know, kind of one of those words these days. Oh, again, good, a little bit of transparency and let us know what’s going on. Which is Natty Bumpercar 1:32 fine. Yeah, well, full transparency. I just went through 15 minutes with my computer with a giant spinning rainbow ball that was saying to me, Hey, we just everything just got lost, but evidently it didn’t. So we’re back. And that makes me happy. That’s my transparency for you for right now. Santa 1:52 Now Natty, as your lawyer, I’m going to come out and tell you that that’s not the kind of transparency that we are talking about. That’s more like a translucency that’s more like a or pigness or something like that what the people are looking for. They’re looking for a clear window in which they can look through and see what you’re talking about. Okay, and I don’t feel like that’s quite enough for you understand? Natty Bumpercar 2:21 Yeah. Okay, cool. What? What is happening right now? Is that do we? Do we get a telephone? I’ve always wanted to be a call in show. Somebody, answer quick. Aloysius J. Pig 2:38 Ha, ha allow this bump. I don’t have high who who’s? Natty Bumpercar 2:45 It’s turkey in Turkey. Oh. Good point. Okay, thanks, Turkey. Wow, that was great. But thing I think maybe you hung up on him a little bit too fast. Like he was still talking or clicking are gobbling. I don’t know. What is doesn’t i Does anyone know Turkey talk? What is the gobble so God like you still got to be fair. Aloysius J. Pig 3:10 I was caught unawares. I was caught off guard. I didn’t know that I was gonna be unfound duty. I kind of feel like maybe that’s producers kind of kind of jam. And I I did I kind of I kind of freaked out a little bit and I just hung up. I didn’t I didn’t. Natty Bumpercar 3:28 Another one. Oh, producer get this good. This one producer. Producer 3:36 Oh, hello, this is the show’s producer. We’re not going to the Natty Bumpercar bumper podcast site. today. Her name who’s calling? Rufus T. Rufus 3:49 Well, I’m quite sure that you understand who’s calling. I know you’re having a call caller ID are Natty Bumpercar 3:58 we Hi, Santa Claus. We don’t have any kind of caller ID but because this is our first time having a telephone on the show. But I recognize your voice. And it’s super cool that you’re calling in and I’m so happy to hear from you. And I Rufus T. Rufus 4:09 don’t think you’ll think so in a second. Oh, yes. You see not to you didn’t record your podcast for the last bit of the year. And that is upset a lot of people. For instance, I believe Turkey called earlier. You never had him on the show last year. I am calling you again. Because you did not have me on the show. This is a traditional thing that we do every single year where Thanksgiving comes around Turkey comes on the show. December comes around and then I’m on the show as well. Do you have any thing to say not to well now as Natty’s Santa 4:54 Ruffus? Oh yeah, I’m not asking you to stand in front of Mr. Bumpercar. Oh, I’m just asking for a little bit of transparency is Natty Bumpercar 5:05 fine. Okay, here’s what happened last year. This is late November and December. In late November, I was out in the bumper barn and I was trying to get some Christmas decorations down off of the loft loft is about 10 feet up in the air, and I was getting a giant storage crate full of decorations down. And I was using the ladder kind of to guide the big box down. And then the ladder shifted, and then the box fell and it whacked me in the head. Aloysius J. Pig 5:41 This is all true. I was there. I witnessed the whole thing. It was it was quite the wallop that he taught. Santa 5:47 I understand. Keep talking, please. Yeah, Natty Bumpercar 5:49 absolutely. So it hit me and I kind of went down on one knee. And I don’t think I passed out. But people were asking that but Oliver was out here with me. And he was like, are you okay? And I was like, ah, yeah, I was like, Is there any, any blood? And he looked, and he’s like, no blood. And I was like, Ah, all right. And then I proceeded to get down for more giant boxes, because I’m silly that way. Now. I put my hand on the back of my head. And when I pulled it back blood, there was a lot of blood. Sorry, I don’t want to freak you out. But it was true. This this actually happened. And Oliver said, I think we should go find mommy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. Good. Good call. Sweet Child. And so I stumbled back into the house. Dear, I think I have a concussion. What should I What should I do? And it was hilarious, because I said, Can you look at my eyes, I need to see if my eyes are dilated? I Producer 6:56 don’t understand what exactly died or die. You die. You later. What is What are you talking? What does that mean? I don’t I’m not a medical professional. I’m there. So fraud, who is good at producing a bandit. Natty Bumpercar 7:08 Very good at it. Yes. So dilated, it just basically means so there’s in the center of your eye, there’s something called a pupil. It’s like the little circle black part. And that’s actually how the light gets into your eyes. And that’s the whole thing. But sometimes, if they’re really big or really small, then you can kind of see that there’s stuff going on with them. And she said, and so and when you have a concussion, that’s one of the things that they check. They’re like, let’s look at your eyes and see if your pupils are dilated. And so she looked at my eyes and she said, I don’t know, I think that one is bigger than that one talking about my eyes. And I was and she’s like, but I don’t know if that’s just because of where you are in relation to the the light in the room. And, like, I don’t think that’s how it works. But you know, and then I said, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go take a shower. So I did that I went, I took a shower. And definitely was feeling pretty pretty off. Now. Rufus T. Rufus 8:10 I’m feeling pretty off. It’s just something that is it. Can we sue this box? I mean, I don’t want to be litigious this early in the new year, but I am the lawyer. So I just think I could probably look into it. And there’s a there’s a box have any kind of assets that we can go and Aloysius J. Pig 8:27 settle down roof is I keep telling story bumper, Natty Bumpercar 8:29 okay. So my whole life, I’ve been told, if you have a concussion, don’t go to sleep. But then I went on the internet and they said, Hey, you can go to sleep. And I was like, okay, and I fully am aware and know that I could have gotten any answer that I wanted. And I was very tired. It was like at 930 at night, and I went to sleep. And I slept all day. The next day. It was a Saturday. And I really I felt like I couldn’t move. I was just on the couch. And Saturday night, a friend of mine, Dave from Cedar beans coffee joint where I host the Thursday open mic, the caffeinated open mic. It was their four year anniversary, and I was I got up and I was like I am gonna go to this thing. And my wife was like, I don’t want you to go to that thing. And I was like, I have to go to this thing. And she’s like, again, I would rather you not go to the thing. So I went to the thing. And I took all of her with me. And I got there and within like a minute and a half all the noise and the people in the lights. I was like this was a mistake. I’ve made a terrible mistake. And I found a mom like a friend of Oliver’s mom and I said can I give him to you? And they’re like, yeah, what are you doing? I was like, I wanted to go to the emergency room. And so I did that. And they ran me through all kinds of tests and they were like, Yeah, you you have got a concussion and I was like I yeah, I know, I know. And that’s really all they did. They were like, alright, you just got to take it easy for might take a couple of weeks and good luck to you. Now I was like, Ah, all right. And so so that was the that was in November. That was the week before Thanksgiving. And then Thanksgiving happened. And we had all kinds of people at our house and I overextended myself. And so I made it worse, because that’s what I tend to do. So, Santa, if you could tell Turkey that that’s why he wasn’t on the podcast in November, Santa 10:33 all of a sudden, Santa I’m being your messenger. That’s fine. Well, I’m terribly sorry about your head. And I hope that you’re doing things to reconcile that situation and that you’re going to take better care of yourself and live here. Natty Bumpercar 10:48 I absolutely will. I promise steps have been taken. I got smaller containers. So I don’t have these monstrous containers to get down. And yes, I’m definitely going to try. It’s funny, every single doctor that I ever talked to, they’re like, are you taking care of yourself? And I’m like, no. So much, not so much. It’s not really what I do. I don’t take care of myself a lot. And they were like, You should probably start. And I’m like, okay, like I do it. But grudgingly I don’t know if you if you do that when you go to the doctor, but I’m like, fine. I’ll take care of myself. Blah, blah, you know? Santa 11:25 Yes. And that’s yeah, I do appreciate that. Very much. I do. I tend to overextend myself as well, especially at towards the end of the year where there’s a lot going on and I have to go around all the places and this elves in the building things and the rain do you have to take care of them and so I understand what about Pat what happened in December because I also was not on the podcast. Producer 11:53 All right, actually. Sorry to interrupt. Natty and Mr. Claus. i This is producer. We only have 30 seconds to go on the show. So maybe we can you can test it. Can you I know you’re busy man. You made it back next week. Oh man, figure it out. Are Rufus T. Rufus 12:10 you seriously asking sam I’m so cool back on the show. I’m Natty Bumpercar 12:14 terribly sorry Santa, but we I don’t know what to do I Aloysius J. Pig 12:17 and scene Natty Bumpercar 12:20 did you just hang up on Santa Claus. Aloysius J. Pig 12:23 shows gonna end shows Natty Bumpercar 12:26 do not answer that no one answered the phone just run. Outro 12:42 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon. NonPro 14:01 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container] [av_postslider link=’category,1881′ wc_prod_visible=” wc_prod_hidden=’hide’ wc_prod_featured=” prod_order_by=” prod_order=” date_filter=” date_filter_start=” date_filter_end=” date_filter_format=’yy/mm/dd’ period_filter_unit_1=’1′ period_filter_unit_2=’year’ items=’10’ offset=’0′ contents=’excerpt’ columns=’3′ preview_mode=’auto’ image_size=’portfolio’ control_layout=’av-control-default’ slider_navigation=’av-navigate-arrows’ nav_visibility_desktop=” autoplay=’yes’ interval=’5′ img_scrset=” lazy_loading=’disabled’ alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-lcqg1s7q’ sc_version=’1.0′]

January 10, 2023
Bumperpodcast #421 – Season 2 – Doldrums

Have you ever heard of the doldrums? Have you ever even seen the doldrums? Well, you’re about to! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=’faq_markup’ initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” size-toggle=” av-desktop-font-size-toggle=” av-medium-font-size-toggle=” av-small-font-size-toggle=” av-mini-font-size-toggle=” size-content=” av-desktop-font-size-content=” av-medium-font-size-content=” av-small-font-size-content=” av-mini-font-size-content=” heading_tag=” heading_class=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-l8k9brqu’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-l8k9bqdc’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:09 We haven’t had a beat like this in a while oh let’s just take this out all right here we go Aloysius J. Pig 0:19 what a call me Allah wishes and I am a piggy I moved from the farm to the big city they will call my name but it ain’t no pity they call me I say hey pretty big he Natty Bumpercar 0:27 asleep on the stream see asleep on the train? I know it sounds silly or noisy. But I worry where we weren’t going where I’m stressed why we were worried to the boiler room bro Aloysius J. Pig 0:36 don’t worry just know that I got this Producer 0:40 man forcing your life or seeing your nose driving because I thought I’m a mental frog who would do this? Because everybody everybody who’s with me now everybody everybody who’s with me now no raise your hand up to this guy and turn Aloysius J. Pig 1:26 my car on see people call me your highness. Don’t get it twisted, bro. I’m just worried about I’m allergic to shyness which is Producer 1:35 priceless. Price hurt. Everybody knows us priceless. Aloysius J. Pig 1:39 egg sack to mouth Dow Producer 1:43 soaring in Europe in the car because I can think this year my addicted to sugar. That’s why I’m so sweet. I love fruits and veggies. I never eat meat. On the sidewalks. The bikes go on street they stopped any snow. They covered stuff. When I’m rocking the mic, you know rock beats Aloysius J. Pig 1:56 actually impressed? I’m very impressed. Very impressed. Very impressed with you. And all the rides and the music stuff you do. You’re given an array can take no more. Okay, better stick around for what we have in store. Oh, oh, oh. Natty Bumpercar 2:29 1234 Holy, that was such a great way to kick the summer doldrums out. Thank you, ah, normally, every year that I’ve been doing this, which is over a decade now, August into September is brutal. And we only record like, a half an episode, if even that, and this year, you know, I think we did miss a couple of weeks because we were at the beach and whatever. But like, it’s I think, you know, we made up for it with this amazing song. I don’t, I don’t know if that’s like, just the podcast, or just everything, you know, like, you grow up, and you have your seasons, and you have your summer, which comes around and it’s ingrained on us as kids that summer is this magical time and you’re not in school, and you get to go and have all these adventures and you’re going on vacation and you’re hanging out with your friends, and you’re in the pool. And then the summer comes to a close, the summer comes to an end and you get sad. And things start to slow down and you kind of start to get a little nostalgic, and you start to look back on the things you did this summer. And, and maybe the things you missed out on and the things you used to do during the summer. And you know the things that you you miss from from from the past. And then maybe you get a little bubble of nerves that you’re going to be going back to school. And and you don’t know who’s going to be in your class and who’s who’s who’s going to be your teacher? And What room are you going to be in and what are you going to wear and what are you going to learn and what if you can’t learn it and then it becomes like this big well of anxiety and, and nerves. And it’s so different from the summer where everything is is easy, and fun and light knits you’re going back to structure. And some people do pretty well with structure. I sometimes do. But a lot of the times I don’t my brain just doesn’t seem to be able to make sense of structure, mostly because it’s a structure that someone else has invented for their minds. Does that make sense? The people who make structure, for the most part, are making structure that makes sense to them. And a lot of the times that structure makes sense for a lot of other people, but then there’s a lot of other other people that it doesn’t make sense for. And so, if you’re on the outside of the structure that’s been created, then you’re gonna be confused, and maybe even bemused. And several other used uses, probably, and, you know, for those other other people, then you have to find your way. And sometimes society isn’t super awesome at making roads or paths or ways for the other other people to pick up or figure out how to interact or to deal or to live within or just to be in in the structure. And unless you have on understanding helpful stewards to help you through all of that, then it becomes very difficult. And you spend a lot of time seemingly fighting against the structure. That’s what people sometimes think they go, Oh, why is this person fighting against the structure? Why can’t they just be normal? Oh, why can’t they just be part of the, of what everyone else is doing getting step getting in line? Is they don’t understand that. to that person, that line doesn’t make sense. to that person. What you have written up there on the board? Doesn’t make sense. I mean, that person is looking at it, that person is trying to make sense of it. But it just doesn’t work. It’s not seeming to make any sense to, to to their brain. And by they I am I mean, me, but a lot of other people too. And that’s okay. Man, my opinion. Everyone is everyone, everyone’s individual, right? Everyone comes from things from different directions. Everyone has different experiences in their life. Everyone has different perspectives. And that’s what makes the world awesome. If everyone saw things in the exact same way, and everyone did things in the exact same way, well, then where were the fun in that be? Going to mix it up a little bit every every so often. But here’s the thing. Sometimes when you mix it up, the people who are used to the structure who liked the structure, get upset. They’re like, hey, stop rocking the boat. Hey, stop doing what you’re doing. Because what you’re doing is antithetical to what I’m doing near like, I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be antithetical. I was just doing what I thought was the right thing. What I thought was what I was supposed to do. Well, it’s not. Do you ever get that to ever feel like you’re doing what you think is supposed to be done? What you think is supposed to be right. And then out of nowhere, you get walloped. ballyhooed knocked about, hey, what are you doing? And then you’re like, Oh, no. And then you kind of stopped and you’re like, oh, maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. What do I do? What do I do? And then you hear the phrase you like a deer caught in the headlights. All the other days. I heard somebody say, oh, it’s like a squirrel caught in the headlights. And I was like the squirrels also get going down lights. And I was like, why did we settle on deer? Like, are there a lot of animals that get stuck in headlights? If I were to be honest, I’ve seen people humans that are on the road that get you stuck in the headlights. I really think a lot of animals if there’s a vehicle coming towards them, and there’s headlights that are very bright and that are flashing at them. I think that the people are going to get caught in those headlights is all I’m saying. All I’m saying I don’t know why we had to put it on the deer. They did. I mean, you know, I’m not gonna and maybe there’s some deer who are fine with lights. You know, I’m not I’m not going to just put all deer into one bucket has always been a funny thing. Going back to the conversation we’re having before buckets pigeonhole. People love to put people in buckets because buckets makes sense. Oh, you’re this type of person. Oh, you’re that kind of person. Oh, you go over there. That’s what you fit into that bucket. But sometimes, and most times, I would say, people are made up of several buckets. You know, and otherwise, life wouldn’t be very fulfilling, I wouldn’t think I don’t know. And sometimes the people with the buckets go, Whoa, you’re I said, you’re in that bucket. Why? What are you doing over here in these other buckets? And you’re like, I don’t know. I like to be in several buckets at once. And they go, Oh, no, my friend. No. Go get in your bucket. You know, and then sometimes, depending, you’ll go and you’ll get in that bucket for a while. You realize, ah, this bucket isn’t as fulfilling as I want it to be this book is it’s just not what I want. And then, you know, as you grow and you have more experiences, then you start finding your ways into other buckets, and exploring different buckets. And then you kind of get to do Do you I guess, as people say, I don’t know. Aloysius J. Pig 11:29 Yeah, yes, Natty Bumpercar have in the jam of the summer the biggest Song of the Year. And then he turns that and he goes into some medical metaphysical talk about buckets. They should call you natty bucket calm No, like Natty Bumpercar 11:49 I mean it’s funny but I don’t think I like natty bucket car but I don’t know you know, we’re having fun with the song and then I was just I just started thinking like I do sometimes my brain starts sometimes my brain starts thinking not all the time but sometimes Rufus T. Rufus 12:04 now I just check the URL for not at bucket con someone has already purchased that and actually a selling wonderful little buckets here so I think we can just move along from the bucket idea. I think that’s not gonna stand I think you know, it was a good idea pig, but I don’t think we’re gonna fly with that Aloysius J. Pig 12:20 one. Oh, well, well, at least we’re you know, we’re not going to have natty bucket QA, but at least we got that that hip hip jam from Ireland Natty Bumpercar 12:29 jam. Outro 12:42 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon. NonPro 14:01 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

September 27, 2022
Bumperpodcast #10 – Season 2 – Not Complaining

We are definitely not complaining in this episode — but, we may mention a few things that we might consider worthy of being complained about. Maybe? The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-kzmx7qu0′ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-kzmx7nks’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:03 Now, I’m not a complainer a complainer, son, as we say in my house. Because complaining, it doesn’t do you any good. It doesn’t help anything. It doesn’t make anything better, right? It just letting off steam. What complaining? What I like to do is to point out things that I could complain about, but I’m not actually complaining because I, again doesn’t do anything. I don’t have a microphone. So if this sounds weird, I apologize. I’m in a basement. It’s a case of the sometimes. Be careful what you ask for. I don’t know if you know this, but in the last couple of episodes. Last couple. That was a weird West couple. Wait, whoa, whilst what was a couple of episodes? That’s a lot. I was saying like, Oh, I want to be in my barn in record. And the people haven’t come to work on the barn. Well, well, now my hair there. They’re there. And they’re working. And it’s been two weeks. And why don’t I have a microphone? Well, because I had to take everything out of the barn. And I put it on a tarp on the on the ground. And then I covered it with one tarp that only covered some of it. And then they got another tarp and they covered the rest of it. But that’s where everything is. And here’s the fun thing. I it’s, it’s it rained, it’s been raining and snowing ever since I put everything outside. So and every so often I’ll go out and one of the tarps is across the yard. And everything’s just out in the world exposed. Look at me, get me what destroying me. Know. And so I have a lot of nerves about that a lot of agita. Right, that’s like, Okay, so now the barn is going to be finished at some point. And, and then I’m going to have to bring everything back in and figure out what’s working and what’s broken. Why does it always have to be something? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Well, they also it was they said this, this job here is gonna take us about three days, we’re looking at this. And it’s going to take us about three days. And I was like, alright, alright, alright. Well, that’s not that much time. Well, we’re two weeks, two weeks now, and still going. And the only consistent thing in this whole process has been the guy showing up to ask for more money. Like, Hey, we got the step one a done, so we’re gonna need some money. And I’m like, Alright, here’s a check. I’ve already the guy checks. I don’t even I don’t have to go find checks to give the guy a check. Here’s a check. In a write it all out write things on it. You know, I don’t know if you know what a check is. But it’s like a piece of paper. It’s good to do you have to give to people sometimes and it counts as money, I guess. And they take it out of your account, they rip it out of your account. But you have to, let’s see, the first thing you do is you write who it’s to. So you write to the building company. And then you and you have to ask them, Who do I make this out to? Because sometimes it might be different. And they say Oh, you got to make it out to bla bla bla bla bla and you’re like, Alright, okay, you got to spell it right. You got to make sure it’s legible. And, and then the next thing is the date of the so you put down the date on the top, and some but you could do it in all kinds of ways. There’s no can, super consistent like, you can write, I write oh two dot and one O dot two two, or you can just go to slash 10 slash 2022 2020. What is rolling my mouth words maker or you can write out February 10 comma 2020 20. Again talk and then when you do that, you have to go and look up how to spell February because it’s actually spelled February February from Oh, whoa, whoa, February. And so that’s going to be right. And then so next to the who, who the pay who this goes to is a box. And it says some is like, total or something like that. I don’t know what it is. Amount, I think it says amount. And so then you write down and there with numbers, you go like 17.0, if it’s $17, and then the next line, and this is where it gets wacky, like it, who knows. But you’re supposed to write out in words, what you wrote in the Amount box in numbers. And so if it’s seven teen, then you have to write seven teen dollars. And, and then after the end, you do like a little fraction thing. So if it’s if it’s if it’s $17.41, then you write the $17.41, slash, like over 100, and then a line for the rest of it. That’s how I do it. But I’ve seen other people do it other ways. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just say, Hey, can’t Can I just tap my phone onto your phone and be done with it? No. Can’t do that. Sorry. So I so I’m writing them, and then you have to sign it at the bottom. Right. And then on the bottom, that’s on the bottom right. On the bottom left, there’s a line another line? That’s like, a what is this full type of thing. And you could just write anything in there, it doesn’t even matter. You could be like, duck food. And it’s fine. No one cares. I don’t even know if anybody reads that. That’s for your records. So that when the check goes into the bank, then you know, oh, yeah, that $17.41 that I spent on February 10 2020 2020 2020 2022. Was for duck food. And so you can put that in your ledger? I don’t know. It’s just it’s archaic. I don’t, I don’t I like to just not have to do things like that. But I did. And it keeps showing up, hey, we had to pay for scaffolding. It’s gonna cost this much. And like, here, because if you ever get into a construction project, here’s what happens. If you’re hiring someone, then in theory, you really want this project to be done. You’re like, I have a thing that I need to be done, I’m going to hire somebody, they’re going to come and do it. And I’m going to be happy when it’s done. And they say, Alright, here’s an estimate as to how much it’s going to cost. And you’re like, okay, and, and we’re going to be here on this day. And this is how many days it’s going to take. And this is your payment schedule, you know, you’re going to pay on when we finish this thing, that thing, and then also the the thing you’re like, alright, that makes sense. But then the time gets all thrown out, and the materials, and there’s like, oh, there’s always a hiccup. Oh, well, we didn’t know there was this. We’re gonna have to charge you more. And you’re just always like, okay, because you’re deep into the project. And you can’t say no, you can’t be like, nah. Oh, you know what? You just finished it halfway, and I’ll pay you and it’ll never get done. No, you have to keep going. It’s terrible. But it’s fine. I keep telling myself it’s fine, then that it’ll be done. And then I can, I can go and then I’m going to paint. And then I’m going to just move in all my stuff. I’m very excited. And, you know, it’s fun too, because I have to leave the doors that lenders open, not open but unlocked. So the person can get in because they just show up at random times. And I don’t even know they’re there. And then I get a text a Natty. I mean, I’m in I’m in the barn, and I’m like, Oh, I had no idea. The other day my kid was like that. The lights are on in the barn. I think somebody is in there. I was like, Ah, it’s either the workers or family of raccoons and have decided to move in. And he’s like, Wait, we have raccoons. And I was like I was it was a joke. And my kid said something to me that I’ve heard many times from comedy producers. And he goes, Dad Don’t you know, like, come on. Jokes are supposed to be funny and I’m like Outro 10:20 the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com. Forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs in hearts See you soon. NonPro 11:39 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

February 14, 2022
Bumperpodcast #385 – Car talk

Natty is stuck in a car – hiding from probably nothing at all. It’s a nutty time in a car. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 385 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records from his car while on the run from headquarters, lamenting his lack of proper podcasting equipment. He shares tales of exhausting daily drives to his child's new school, performing live outdoor comedy shows during the pandemic (including an awkward handshake encounter), and the chaos of multiple car and tractor breakdowns. Natty discusses the booming success of Yum-Yah sales, including a massive 35-unit catering order, and reflects on maintaining a positive attitude despite life's mounting challenges. The episode showcases Natty's characteristic humor while dealing with the absurdities of pandemic life and family responsibilities.

Memorable Quotes

“I have things to do I have naps to take by and look at and wish that I could go into them. I have snacks to scout and terrible fast food options to think about.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why are you touching me? Why are you grabbing my head right now? Who shakes hands? Who does that anymore? There should be no handshaking.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I want to have a strict lack of doom in my diet, in my daily diet. I want to look for silver clouds… or silver linings in the clouds? I'm not sure.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #pandemiclife #parenting #comedyshows #cartroubles #yum-yah #positiveattitude #work-lifebalance

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: okay so here's the deal i'm sitting in my car because this is what i do now i'm on the run i'm on the lam i'm i'm a i'm a real scalawag i'm a real ne'er-do-well and so i had to i had to get out had to escape headquarters and and now i just sit i hang out in my car all the time and the problem with that is i don't have my podcasting studio but the bumper podcast studio the lab is out of my reach i can't get to it and so that means i don't have my proper microphones i don't have my my proper headphones and my i don't have my swivels chair you just have this car seat i mean not like a car seat like a baby car seat but like a car like i'm sitting in a car in a seat okay i mean it don't make no sense it's nutty going on here why am i in my car why am i on the run those are great questions bumper podcast kateers why have i not been recording much lately another great question you're like oh it's a quarantine you've got all the time in the world you should be recording every single day first off no one wants to hear me talk that much and secondly i don't really have that much time if i'm to be completely honest one of the bumper children is going to have to go to a new school he was accepted into a new school hooray problem being this new school is like 35 minutes from my house which means i have to get up in the morning and leave at 7 0 5 to get him to school on time and then they're trying to acclimate him to the school they're trying to get him used to the school and so they let him out at 11 45 and then they let him go and they tell him he has to go before the school starts and he has to be on time to drive 35 minutes down drive 35 minutes back that's an hour and 10 minutes and then turn around and drive all the way back down and then drive all the way back home that's two hours and 20 minutes of driving before noon i can't do that i have i have things to do i have naps to take by and look at and wish that I could go into them. I have snacks to scout and terrible fast food options to think about. Everything's gone really haywire is what I'm telling you. And so like right now, I can see on the little sound thing that little sound doodles are moving. So I know something's being recorded, but I don't even know how this sounds. Remember when life was so much easier a while ago, that guy, uh, Sal, I forgot his first Sal came in and he was going to take everything over and he was kind of scary. And we, he got rid of Rufus T. Rufus. That's a few episodes ago, probably. I don't even remember, but all these things definitely happen. And, and I was at the time I was like, Whoa, this is really hard. This is really difficult. How am I going to continue to podcast? I had no idea. I had zero idea how difficult life was going to get. Now here I am. I missed you. And I wanted to catch up a few things. I've been doing some live comedy shows. What live? What are you thinking? It's a pandemic, a global pandemic. Well, these are, these are out outdoor shows. So we're not indoors. Uh, I bring my own microphone. I have my mask and everything. And so I feel pretty okay and safe about it. It is scary though. For instance, the other day, this is very large man. He was giant. And after the show, uh, and I had had a little bit of a back and forth fun time, jokey with him during the show. And he came up to me and I was just like, Oh no. And he grabs my hand and starts shaking it. Hey, that was really funny. You did very good. Ha ha ha. And I was just like, my whole stomach went into a knot because I was like, why are you touching me? Why are you grabbing my head right now? And then I just, I had, uh, I carry a, a squeezy thing of hand sanitizer in my pocket. And I was just like, ah, just putting it all over my hands because like, you don't, who shakes hands? Who does that anymore? There will, there should be no handshaking. How do we seal the deal? I don't know. Do you remember bumper podcast? When it was an accepted thing, I think probably in the old west, when people are making a big deal, I'm going to buy your farm and I'm going to buy all of your man. Well, that's never happened before. You see, this is what I'm talking about. I'm sitting in a car. There's phones ringing. That was like six phones. And why? Because I put my phone on my phone and it was like, would you like to make phone calls on your phone? And I was just like, sure. I do make phone calls on my phone. Well, how about your computer? And I was like, okay. And how about your watch? And I was like, this seems very excessive. How about your tablet? And I was like, holy cow, that's a lot of places to get phone calls. But sure. I said, sure. And then now anytime somebody calls me, there's like 18 things ringing and they all ring with different, like, it's like, you heard it. It was like, and then and then my vibrate, vibrate. There's just too much going on. Anyway, I apologize for that. This time is just for you and me, bumper podcast. I don't need people horning in on our time. And here's, you might, well, why did, what was the call? It seemed very important. You had to go to take it. Yes. One of our, so one of our cars, uh, went to the shop last week, the car that I'm in right now. And then it came back and they had fixed one thing, but not fixed the other thing. And there were all these lights on the dash and they were like, Oh, that's no good. You got to bring it right back in right now. And I was just like, okay. And I was going to take it over last night. And so my family was going to follow me in our other car and I was going to drop this car for the shop. Now, but, uh, my, uh, the other little car we have, we had to pop the hood cause I had to look at something. And then when I went to close the hood, the hood wouldn't close. And it was just like, what's happening? Why, why world? And, uh, you know, so we ended up dropping at the other car off because the hood wouldn't close and we didn't want it to fly open on the road and, you know, turn into some crazy comical shenanigans. Cause you know, that the road is not a place for crazy comical shenanigans or the road is a place to keep your hands on the wheel, your eyes straight focused and, uh, paying attention to the road around you anyway. So now he was calling me to let me know that our little rabbit, his little hood is, is better. Oh boy. Isn't it fun when, not just when things break, but when multiple things break. So the big car kind of sick, the little car, a little bit sick. Then I was, I was, I was working on our tractor. We have a tractor and it's, it's not doing well either is, is the, is the moon and retrograde. I don't even know what that means. I don't really do that stuff anyway. Oh, although I did see someone that I know on Facebook offering to do, I don't know what it's called. It's like a reading or a card reading or a Tara Tara, maybe it's a tarot card reading. And I was just like, I don't really believe in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am sitting in a car doing absolutely nothing for hours a day. Why not? So I'll let you know if that happens and how it goes. I can't wait. They're going to be like, how are you feeling? And then I, here's my theory. They're going to, you know, like you can read my Facebook posts and they're going to be like, let's see. The card says that your child is being difficult. And I'm like, how did you know that, ah, the card says that the dog pushed you out of bed the other night. Do this like, oh my goodness. How do you know all this about me? Oh, you read my Facebook posts. Okay, now this makes a lot more sense. So here I am. I've been doing comedy shows. People are grabbing my hands. Yum-Yah selling off the shelves. We just made a new batch last night. We had an order for, what's it called? When people, like a catering order. They were having an event and they bought, they ended up buying 35 Yum-Yahs. That's more than I've had, that's so much. And it was just like I was making it. It was like, time to make the Yum-Yah, time to make, and I was just like, wow, this is, taking this is, this is less fun. This feels like an actual job all of a sudden. But that's okay because we're bringing the joy of Yum-Yah to the world. Ah. So anyway, I'm trying to think of what else is going on. Oh, I know something big that's going on. But I can't talk about it yet. Because every time I talk about something big happening, it doesn't happen. So I'm going to settle on that one. That one's on the shelf, okay? Remember to tell me to go to the shelf and get this in about a month. You're not going to remember because I'm not going to remember. And that's fine too. What else? We have a few other shows coming up, outdoors, obviously. But then it's going to get cold. And what do we do when it gets cold? We can't keep being in a tent. It's going to be too chilly. And people don't like to laugh when they're chilly. They like to be at home, snuggled up in their blankies and whatnot. That's what I want to do. We haven't turned the heat on in our house because the heat, the temperature has become so confusing. And sometimes it's frosty, chilly, yucky, cold, rainy, foggy. Did I already say foggy? Misty. You know, very October. Like, oh, the mists are rolling in off the hill. The hills of the quagmire or whatever. But then like right now, it's full on hot. I'm sitting in this car sweating. And so that's the other thing. Remember, when I was growing up, car seats, you would just pull a lever and you could like lay the seat back and relax or rest or whatever. This is like one of those electronic seats. So it's like, it's like all these buttons that you have to push just to get the seat to move back. And it takes so long. Which I feel like I'm complaining about. But I think I'm just complaining about everything because I don't know what to do anymore. Might as well complain. I had a doctor the other day say, they were like, how do you keep such a upbeat spirit, such a happy attitude? And I was like, I don't. It's all a facade. It's all a ruse. No, I'm just, I, the thing is, man, you got to just accept that you've got a good life. Right? And you've got food in your belly, I hope, and a roof over your head, I hope. And hopefully there's love in your house. And, you know, and, and, and maybe if things aren't all going super duper spectacularly well, what I like to do is try to find a couple of things that are going pretty well and focus on those. Because if I just focus on all the terrible stuff, I'm not, I'm doomed. And I don't want to be doomed. I want to be undoomed. Right?

Unknown: Right.

Natty Bumpercar: Less doomed. What's the opposite of doomed? Saved? No. If you're doomed, then you're doomed. And if you're, hmm, yeah, undoomed. I want to be undoomed. I want to have a strict lack of doom in my diet, in my daily diet. I want to look for silver clouds. Is it silver clouds or silver linings? Or silver linings in the clouds? I'm not sure. But I know that's what I want to look for. And I thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening and I miss you desperately and I miss my studio and I can't wait for the world to be better.

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive Producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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October 15, 2020