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[av_toggle_container faq_markup=’faq_markup’ initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” size-toggle=” av-desktop-font-size-toggle=” av-medium-font-size-toggle=” av-small-font-size-toggle=” av-mini-font-size-toggle=” size-content=” av-desktop-font-size-content=” av-medium-font-size-content=” av-small-font-size-content=” av-mini-font-size-content=” heading_tag=” heading_class=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-lcqgrzvu’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-lcqgrwmr’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:00 I can eat Check, check, check any check, check. Hi everybody. It’s me Natty Bumpercar. And well, I guess it’s a new season. Well, I guess it’s a new year. New Me. I don’t know. I Rufus T. Rufus 0:16 think it should be an entirely new podcast given the fact Hi everyone. This is me. Rufus. T. Rufus. Given the fact that you’ve been disappeared for quite some time. Do you have any kind of explanations for the audience? You can’t just leave them hanging like Producer 0:32 everyone needs me producer and not that you don’t have to actually say anything. You’re just you are a very busy man. And not everyone knows. You’re doing lots of things and sometimes you get bogged down which is funny coming from a frog bug go good frog only log in a bog it’s funny to me. It’s a frog joke. Anyway. You don’t have to tell Rufus anything. Okay, Aloysius J. Pig 0:54 Natty, I have you want to see me? I always just J pig heart coming in here. Hot. I’m coming in here hot. And I am bothered by this whole situation. Because here’s the thing. I think you don’t need it. I give an explanation. Everybody Bumpercar Because the last time you put out an episode was a the I don’t know. I don’t even I honestly, I don’t even know my calendar doesn’t go far that far back. Okay. So I appreciate when I think everybody would appreciate it as you maybe just a little bit of transparency. That’s, you know, kind of one of those words these days. Oh, again, good, a little bit of transparency and let us know what’s going on. Which is Natty Bumpercar 1:32 fine. Yeah, well, full transparency. I just went through 15 minutes with my computer with a giant spinning rainbow ball that was saying to me, Hey, we just everything just got lost, but evidently it didn’t. So we’re back. And that makes me happy. That’s my transparency for you for right now. Santa 1:52 Now Natty, as your lawyer, I’m going to come out and tell you that that’s not the kind of transparency that we are talking about. That’s more like a translucency that’s more like a or pigness or something like that what the people are looking for. They’re looking for a clear window in which they can look through and see what you’re talking about. Okay, and I don’t feel like that’s quite enough for you understand? Natty Bumpercar 2:21 Yeah. Okay, cool. What? What is happening right now? Is that do we? Do we get a telephone? I’ve always wanted to be a call in show. Somebody, answer quick. Aloysius J. Pig 2:38 Ha, ha allow this bump. I don’t have high who who’s? Natty Bumpercar 2:45 It’s turkey in Turkey. Oh. Good point. Okay, thanks, Turkey. Wow, that was great. But thing I think maybe you hung up on him a little bit too fast. Like he was still talking or clicking are gobbling. I don’t know. What is doesn’t i Does anyone know Turkey talk? What is the gobble so God like you still got to be fair. Aloysius J. Pig 3:10 I was caught unawares. I was caught off guard. I didn’t know that I was gonna be unfound duty. I kind of feel like maybe that’s producers kind of kind of jam. And I I did I kind of I kind of freaked out a little bit and I just hung up. I didn’t I didn’t. Natty Bumpercar 3:28 Another one. Oh, producer get this good. This one producer. Producer 3:36 Oh, hello, this is the show’s producer. We’re not going to the Natty Bumpercar bumper podcast site. today. Her name who’s calling? Rufus T. Rufus 3:49 Well, I’m quite sure that you understand who’s calling. I know you’re having a call caller ID are Natty Bumpercar 3:58 we Hi, Santa Claus. We don’t have any kind of caller ID but because this is our first time having a telephone on the show. But I recognize your voice. And it’s super cool that you’re calling in and I’m so happy to hear from you. And I Rufus T. Rufus 4:09 don’t think you’ll think so in a second. Oh, yes. You see not to you didn’t record your podcast for the last bit of the year. And that is upset a lot of people. For instance, I believe Turkey called earlier. You never had him on the show last year. I am calling you again. Because you did not have me on the show. This is a traditional thing that we do every single year where Thanksgiving comes around Turkey comes on the show. December comes around and then I’m on the show as well. Do you have any thing to say not to well now as Natty’s Santa 4:54 Ruffus? Oh yeah, I’m not asking you to stand in front of Mr. Bumpercar. Oh, I’m just asking for a little bit of transparency is Natty Bumpercar 5:05 fine. Okay, here’s what happened last year. This is late November and December. In late November, I was out in the bumper barn and I was trying to get some Christmas decorations down off of the loft loft is about 10 feet up in the air, and I was getting a giant storage crate full of decorations down. And I was using the ladder kind of to guide the big box down. And then the ladder shifted, and then the box fell and it whacked me in the head. Aloysius J. Pig 5:41 This is all true. I was there. I witnessed the whole thing. It was it was quite the wallop that he taught. Santa 5:47 I understand. Keep talking, please. Yeah, Natty Bumpercar 5:49 absolutely. So it hit me and I kind of went down on one knee. And I don’t think I passed out. But people were asking that but Oliver was out here with me. And he was like, are you okay? And I was like, ah, yeah, I was like, Is there any, any blood? And he looked, and he’s like, no blood. And I was like, Ah, all right. And then I proceeded to get down for more giant boxes, because I’m silly that way. Now. I put my hand on the back of my head. And when I pulled it back blood, there was a lot of blood. Sorry, I don’t want to freak you out. But it was true. This this actually happened. And Oliver said, I think we should go find mommy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. Good. Good call. Sweet Child. And so I stumbled back into the house. Dear, I think I have a concussion. What should I What should I do? And it was hilarious, because I said, Can you look at my eyes, I need to see if my eyes are dilated? I Producer 6:56 don’t understand what exactly died or die. You die. You later. What is What are you talking? What does that mean? I don’t I’m not a medical professional. I’m there. So fraud, who is good at producing a bandit. Natty Bumpercar 7:08 Very good at it. Yes. So dilated, it just basically means so there’s in the center of your eye, there’s something called a pupil. It’s like the little circle black part. And that’s actually how the light gets into your eyes. And that’s the whole thing. But sometimes, if they’re really big or really small, then you can kind of see that there’s stuff going on with them. And she said, and so and when you have a concussion, that’s one of the things that they check. They’re like, let’s look at your eyes and see if your pupils are dilated. And so she looked at my eyes and she said, I don’t know, I think that one is bigger than that one talking about my eyes. And I was and she’s like, but I don’t know if that’s just because of where you are in relation to the the light in the room. And, like, I don’t think that’s how it works. But you know, and then I said, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go take a shower. So I did that I went, I took a shower. And definitely was feeling pretty pretty off. Now. Rufus T. Rufus 8:10 I’m feeling pretty off. It’s just something that is it. Can we sue this box? I mean, I don’t want to be litigious this early in the new year, but I am the lawyer. So I just think I could probably look into it. And there’s a there’s a box have any kind of assets that we can go and Aloysius J. Pig 8:27 settle down roof is I keep telling story bumper, Natty Bumpercar 8:29 okay. So my whole life, I’ve been told, if you have a concussion, don’t go to sleep. But then I went on the internet and they said, Hey, you can go to sleep. And I was like, okay, and I fully am aware and know that I could have gotten any answer that I wanted. And I was very tired. It was like at 930 at night, and I went to sleep. And I slept all day. The next day. It was a Saturday. And I really I felt like I couldn’t move. I was just on the couch. And Saturday night, a friend of mine, Dave from Cedar beans coffee joint where I host the Thursday open mic, the caffeinated open mic. It was their four year anniversary, and I was I got up and I was like I am gonna go to this thing. And my wife was like, I don’t want you to go to that thing. And I was like, I have to go to this thing. And she’s like, again, I would rather you not go to the thing. So I went to the thing. And I took all of her with me. And I got there and within like a minute and a half all the noise and the people in the lights. I was like this was a mistake. I’ve made a terrible mistake. And I found a mom like a friend of Oliver’s mom and I said can I give him to you? And they’re like, yeah, what are you doing? I was like, I wanted to go to the emergency room. And so I did that. And they ran me through all kinds of tests and they were like, Yeah, you you have got a concussion and I was like I yeah, I know, I know. And that’s really all they did. They were like, alright, you just got to take it easy for might take a couple of weeks and good luck to you. Now I was like, Ah, all right. And so so that was the that was in November. That was the week before Thanksgiving. And then Thanksgiving happened. And we had all kinds of people at our house and I overextended myself. And so I made it worse, because that’s what I tend to do. So, Santa, if you could tell Turkey that that’s why he wasn’t on the podcast in November, Santa 10:33 all of a sudden, Santa I’m being your messenger. That’s fine. Well, I’m terribly sorry about your head. And I hope that you’re doing things to reconcile that situation and that you’re going to take better care of yourself and live here. Natty Bumpercar 10:48 I absolutely will. I promise steps have been taken. I got smaller containers. So I don’t have these monstrous containers to get down. And yes, I’m definitely going to try. It’s funny, every single doctor that I ever talked to, they’re like, are you taking care of yourself? And I’m like, no. So much, not so much. It’s not really what I do. I don’t take care of myself a lot. And they were like, You should probably start. And I’m like, okay, like I do it. But grudgingly I don’t know if you if you do that when you go to the doctor, but I’m like, fine. I’ll take care of myself. Blah, blah, you know? Santa 11:25 Yes. And that’s yeah, I do appreciate that. Very much. I do. I tend to overextend myself as well, especially at towards the end of the year where there’s a lot going on and I have to go around all the places and this elves in the building things and the rain do you have to take care of them and so I understand what about Pat what happened in December because I also was not on the podcast. Producer 11:53 All right, actually. Sorry to interrupt. Natty and Mr. Claus. i This is producer. We only have 30 seconds to go on the show. So maybe we can you can test it. Can you I know you’re busy man. You made it back next week. Oh man, figure it out. Are Rufus T. Rufus 12:10 you seriously asking sam I’m so cool back on the show. I’m Natty Bumpercar 12:14 terribly sorry Santa, but we I don’t know what to do I Aloysius J. Pig 12:17 and scene Natty Bumpercar 12:20 did you just hang up on Santa Claus. Aloysius J. Pig 12:23 shows gonna end shows Natty Bumpercar 12:26 do not answer that no one answered the phone just run. Outro 12:42 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon. NonPro 14:01 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container] [av_postslider link=’category,1881′ wc_prod_visible=” wc_prod_hidden=’hide’ wc_prod_featured=” prod_order_by=” prod_order=” date_filter=” date_filter_start=” date_filter_end=” date_filter_format=’yy/mm/dd’ period_filter_unit_1=’1′ period_filter_unit_2=’year’ items=’10’ offset=’0′ contents=’excerpt’ columns=’3′ preview_mode=’auto’ image_size=’portfolio’ control_layout=’av-control-default’ slider_navigation=’av-navigate-arrows’ nav_visibility_desktop=” autoplay=’yes’ interval=’5′ img_scrset=” lazy_loading=’disabled’ alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-lcqg1s7q’ sc_version=’1.0′]Tag: kids
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Bumperpodcast #423 – Season 3 – Transparancy
We are back for a whole new year and a whole new season of ridiculousness! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar -

Bumperpodcast #399 – Season 2 – Camps
Natty has been to three camps in the last week to tell the jokes. It has been quite an adventure. Quite an adventure! The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ hover_colors=” hover_background_color=” hover_font_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=” sc_version=’1.0′] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=” sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:03 Hey everybody, it’s me Natty Bumpercar. And and and I want to let you know that we’re only three episodes away from our 400th episode, wait, including today, it might be 297 9899 and then 400 Whoa. And so we want to do something super special for the 400th episode. So what I’ve done is I’ve written a an intro, and it’s like a song type of thing. And I sent it out to a bunch of people. And I was just like, hey, just you can read this or you can sing it or whatever. And here’s the thing. I was wondering if you would want to be part of the intro to if you do, just find me at Natty Bumpercar on Twitter and send me a message. And then I’ll send you the script for the intro. And then I’ll put it all together. And then maybe you can be part of something that’s pretty cool. At least I think it’s pretty cool. I think it’s pretty special. Pretty super special. Just like you. Come on. Let’s do it. What’s going on everybody? It’s me. Natty. Natty. Natty. He is Natty Bumpercar. And I’m thrilled to be with you here today because I’ve got an amazing story. A phenomenal story. Something that same Aloysius J. Pig 1:23 Natty, What’s your story? Well, you can get to it soon, I’m sure. But before you get to it, I had a pretty cool story is well, Natty Bumpercar 1:31 that’s great pig. But this like, I really want to share this story. And I kind of thought this was just going to be one of those like Bumpercar tells a story kind of episode. Rufus T. Rufus 1:40 That would be unfortunate and indiscriminate as I also have a couple I actually have several 123 if you have two now that’s a couple. Right? And three, what is that several as several stories that I wanted to impart upon two days. Okay, my podcast. Natty Bumpercar 2:00 I don’t think that I really don’t think we have time because I wanted to help my I have one story and I was super excited about telling it and so maybe can we can I can I just tell my story? Aloysius J. Pig 2:13 Yes. So wait. So now you’re saying that nobody else gets to tell a story. It’s gonna be all you the whole time. Rufus T. Rufus 2:20 You know, I had three scores, and I wanted to tell it as all the truth, truth and if so facto. Okay, think of the word. Natty Bumpercar 2:34 But guys, you’re just speaking gibberish. I just, we’re already, like, almost three minutes in and I want to tell my story. And so how about I’ll tell my story, then pig, you can tell your story. And then Rufus, if we can, you can tell as many stories as you want with the time that we have left. Aloysius J. Pig 2:51 I mean, that seems okay to me is whatever I don’t want even I don’t even want to fire energy. Rufus T. Rufus 2:56 I’m gaining the fuel gauge. Okay, so let’s, let’s proceed. Natty Bumpercar 3:00 Okay, great. So in taking care of time, we had a yard sale last weekend. In the morning, I got up and I moved the car around the corner so that there’ll be more room in the driveway for the stuff. And when I moved the car was like 730 in the morning. There was a mama duck. And she was gray. And she had this bright blue stripe on her. And she was standing there with with with five little ducklings, right right on the corner. And so I got out, but Lily said it was a mother’s a duck. She’s like a mom. There was a mama and five little ducklings and they were standing on the corner. Aloysius J. Pig 3:39 And so your story’s about ducks. Natty Bumpercar 3:41 Yeah, why I don’t like that’s the name of the episode is lucky ducks and so yeah. Aloysius J. Pig 3:47 Okay, whatever I don’t care about and I’ve never read the title. But the thing is, my story is also about ducks. Natty Bumpercar 3:54 Really? Okay, what is yours? Aloysius J. Pig 3:56 Yeah. So I’m walking down by Dr. stream. And there’s some ducks around doing duck things. quacking swimming, whatnot. And all of a sudden this mama doc runs over. She’s got some little baby ducks winner. Right. And she’s freaked out. Okay. Natty Bumpercar 4:16 Oh, okay. Well, this is interesting, because I think I know why she was Rufus T. Rufus 4:20 now hold on one second as your legal representation here not a Rufus T. Rufus and telling you not to say another word. I believe that this is being recorded somehow, somewhere some ways somehow. I did that twice. But so I would say do not implicate yourself if you if you consider yourself happy as a free man, Natty Bumpercar 4:43 obviously happy as a free man. But I’m not going to implicate myself because I didn’t do anything wrong. So pig. I think what happened was, so I saw the ducks, I took their picture, and I was gonna show it to the kids. And then she wandered off right and the little ducklings followed Her but then I still heard this like, all around me. It was baby ducks. And I was looking around everywhere. And, Aloysius J. Pig 5:13 and I know and they had fallen into the sewer great Is this what is this true? This is what she was saying she was saying to all the ducks, she was like, ducks, ducks, we gotta go save my babies they fell down into. She didn’t say super great because she said metal hole is what she said. Natty Bumpercar 5:31 Yeah, so that’s exactly what happened. I looked down. And there were I think I counted like six baby tiny little ducklings. And they were stuck down in the sewer. And then I lay down. And I saw I tried to see if I could get my arm in there to get them but there wasn’t enough space. And so then I Rufus T. Rufus 5:48 hold on one second because this was right around when I would have received a phone call woke me up out of my slumber, my beauty sleep. And it was a mama duck and she was honking and squawking about the greats, the metal holes. She said, this town, my babies, I need help. I need representation. And I said, Ma’am, I will be there. Sweet. Aloysius J. Pig 6:15 So I saw her on the phone. When she was she was talking all the ducks to get them to help but nobody could help because you know, where’s it gonna go? And then she said she was on the telephone. And so she must have been talking to you because then she scooped up all her babies. And she ran off. She said, I gotta I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. Natty Bumpercar 6:34 Don’t go. No, I’m just kidding. So here’s the thing. I called home because I was about a block and a half away. And I was like, here’s a situation. It’s a very serious situation, get over here with the kids. And then while they were coming over, actually called the police. And they sent over three cars to help. Rufus T. Rufus 6:58 That’s interesting to me because I actually met mama duck at the police station and there were no cars there. There wasn’t there was no one that to help us. They said they also said they are often very important business and they would not tell me what was going on. Aloysius J. Pig 7:14 So in and I’m still over by the string with the ducks. And we actually got out some we were going to we were drawn up on paper some plans to see how we could figure out how to get the dogs out and there was we thought your ducks are not great planets. Okay, don’t I’m not besmirching. But from my experience my own personal experience, ducks. Not so great. Natty Bumpercar 7:37 Okay, well, so what I said the police came, and I had, I was able to lift the great, like, maybe a half an inch up, but it was really heavy. And so these guys, they were giant, they were really big. And they came and they, you know, they’re looking at it, they’re like, oh, we’re gonna call the town that you know, they’re gonna have to bring over a tractor to lift this and also and I was just like, Guys, I’m scrawny, I was able to lift it a bit, I think that you can do it. And they got these tools out. And we figured out the physics of where the fulcrum where you should put the thing to pull the things you can get down in there. And it was like a 45 minute ordeal. And the thing was, there were two pipes under the street. There’s one under the whole street, and then one smaller one. And what they would do is they would run back and forth so we had to take off two grades, and they would just ppppp in there would you get him get quieter as they were going under the street. And you’re like oh the ran over that way. And and we even like that we put like a something into the great to kind of like make them make the decision to come closer towards and they finally did. And while we were getting the ducks, we realized, wait, we gotta have somewhere to put these ducks. So I ran home and I got a little container. And it was so funny because my kid he grabbed like, like, a little sauce pot like small and I was like what do you that’s, that’s big enough for one duck. We got 767 ducks over there. Rufus T. Rufus 9:09 I want to make sure he was not grabbing a sauce bought for any other reason. I’m just gonna make a notation here. Okay, Aloysius J. Pig 9:17 real fancy doing okay, your voice got a little grizzled. Rufus T. Rufus 9:20 I’m just worried about the duck lenses all you understand. Natty Bumpercar 9:25 He wasn’t gonna do anything the ducks. But we brought a bigger container. We put them in there. I brought a towel because they kept hopping out Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. And we eventually got all the ducklings Hooray. It was a big deal. In the process, one of the ducklings had jumped out and run under a bush. And so that was a big deal. And I thought that they had gotten that duck. So then I carried all of them over. The police and I we made a parade across the street. And I went to where I had seen the mama duck kind of go early exit down by the Double string riveting, huh? Yeah, yeah. And so we went there was this house that someone had bought and they were doing work on it so there was no one there. So we went down that driveway and at the end of the driveway It was like this crazy hedge that someone had cut a an entrance into it but it was all it wasn’t like a nice It was like all the draggled and scary and like Narnia and bad times and then we got back there and there’s this like dilapidated shed house and a tree and fall and there was a bridge over the steel was a lot to take this Rufus T. Rufus 10:34 and there was a tree that had fallen. I wonder if I can litigate that situation for them. Did you get the no address for me? Sir? Natty Bumpercar 10:42 Of course I didn’t. I didn’t. That’s not the first thing that I think of it’s not even like the fifth thing I think of if I’m gonna be completely Aloysius J. Pig 10:48 alright settled down bump a guy that’s you don’t need to be mean. All right, just tell you that story. Natty Bumpercar 10:52 Yeah. So all ducks saved. And we I walked over the bridge around ended up getting poison ivy Ray, and went to the edge of the of the little stream. And to the right of us into the leftover series. There was a lot of ducks, I would say about 2030 ducks. And my my family were worried they were like, well, I don’t see the mom do you? And I was like, Listen, I’m sure one of these ducks knows mama duck. And she’s gonna relay the information to where they are to her that you know the babies are here. So we just kind of took the container over and all the ducklings they just hopped out. And it was the cute like it was so and then here’s the fun thing. Like they could walk right? But they also they just hopped right in the water and they started swimming. And it was like, just like, I was like, look at you guys with your swimming. Aloysius J. Pig 11:49 All right. So any Did you have any other like, debts your whole story? Natty Bumpercar 11:54 You know? No. So then later in the day after the yard sale, our neighbor had somebody who bought something from us was a blender and she didn’t know how to use a blender and she was asking me how to use the blender. And so I went over and I was trying to show her Now bear in mind she had bought this blender for $3 which in my mind at a yard sale. If you buy something for $3 and you take it away, the transaction is done. I’m not I’m not your tech support. I’m not I don’t have to explain how the blender works. It’s a blender, but I went over to show her. I’m standing on the stairs and I looked down I heard PPP. I looked down and went Oh, and then she looked down and screamed. It was one it was a baby duckling. And when she yelled he ran around the house to move and baby ducklings gonna run really quick and the dogs barking Can you contain them? Rufus T. Rufus 12:43 I am not on doggy duty I cannot those dogs, they are more than I can handle back to you Bumpercar Natty Bumpercar 12:51 So I ran around he kind of fell into this little hole like some stairs so I was able to wrangle him and then I held them close to my heart and he calmed down and then we walked back over across the street through the same place and and I just kind of gently had put him down on the ground and he went PPP down some rocks and then he hopped into the stream and then he just swam away. It was the cutest seller. Aloysius J. Pig 13:20 I think in between those times duck save in one and duck save the dough. I was no longer down at the creek I go 100 take a nap if I’m to be completely honest. And huh so odds are two stories were the same story just from different perspectives Rufus T. Rufus 13:36 here now and and sounds like one of my stores was also tied up as mama duck. And just so you know, we did come back she and I to the correct and we found no babies so she was reunited and I but she was still missing that one. So I hope that he got back to you because that’s that’s that sounds like a beautiful story. Natty Bumpercar 14:00 See, at the beginning of the episode, we were all fighting over who’s gonna tell our stories and it sounds like my story and pig story and Rufus. His story. were all the same. So they were all tied together. Aloysius J. Pig 14:09 I think he had three stories. Natty Bumpercar 14:12 Yeah, yep. Yep. Yep. I was kind of hoping that we managed to avoid that. But sure. Rufus. Do you have other stories? Rufus T. Rufus 14:18 I do. I do. I do. Both of my other stories they really rely on circumnavigate around the grocery store where I went and I was looking for some peanut butter. But I have since discovered that I’ve got a bit of a peanut butter allergy. And then but I do miss very much peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And then I cannot tell you that they have invented a peanut free peanut butter is what it’s called, is it could just be called butter I suppose. But I got it and it’s delicious and just thrilled to be here. back in the saddle back in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich said all right, Natty Bumpercar 15:04 well, I’m thrilled at you. Good job. Um, that makes me happy. So that’s two stories. We’re already running late. So what’s your last story? Rufus T. Rufus 15:13 Well, it all began when I was a child growing up in the woods Aloysius J. Pig 15:19 now the mount can’t do it. Nope, nope. Nope. Any story that starts off when I when I was a kid, I am out maybe other episodes. Yeah, kid. Natty Bumpercar 15:28 We can’t sorry. Rufus That’s weird. Yeah, maybe maybe you can have your own episode coming up at some point, but probably not. We’ll see. Alright, everybody. I hope the little ducklings are listening. We save your lives. Yay. Outro 15:56 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous things a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar we also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar comm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. NonPro 17:19 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container] -

Bumperpodcast #365 – Holiday Season
Yay! The boys are back in town, and they are excited to talk – and sometimes scream – about the holidays!
The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!
You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!
Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!
About This Episode
In this special holiday episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by two young guests, Emerson and Oliver, for a delightful conversation about Christmas traditions. The trio discusses their family's Elf on the Shelf named "Elfie the Abominable Snow Monster," debates whether Christmas trees grow pine cones, and shares their holiday wish lists. Emerson reveals a preference for LEGOs while Oliver humorously asks for a kitty cat (despite allergies). Rufus T. Rufus makes a brief chaotic appearance when someone mentions "loop." The conversation meanders through topics like chimney cleaning costs, school delays due to ice, and the proper way to say holiday greetings, creating a charming and authentic glimpse into a family's Christmas preparations.
Memorable Quotes
“A baby sister? NO!”
— Oliver“You can't touch him because he's… the magic is gone and then you no longer have an elf.”
— Emerson“Did you know the plural form of lego is lego? You don't have to put an s on it. Just lego. It's like if you see one sheep, five sheep.”
— Natty BumpercarTopics: #christmas #elfontheshelf #holidaytraditions #family #legos #gifts #santaclaus #kids
Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus
Full Transcript
Natty Bumpercar: well well well boys and girls ladies and gentlemen it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast but i can't do this episode by myself because it's a very special episode where i have my very special friends who i helped create in the headquarters studio with me let's introduce them hello there what is your name emerson your name is emerson that's fun what is your name oliver your name is oliver what are you guys here for do you think for the podcast well yes yes you are here for the podcast but what do you think we're gonna that's right it's a christmas podcast it's a christmas miracle and we're talking about our elfer stuff and our yeah you think okay so let's see we'll start off with the christmas stuff because that's what we were talking about for what emerson what's your favorite thing about christmas spending spending getting present oh that's a good answer i'm gonna look over this way um oliver same question what is your favorite thing about christmas like you got talking to the microphone can you say that again family and hanging up my stocking you like hanging up your stuff we haven't done that yet have we have do we even have a christmas tree yes do we we name our christmas no wait what i thought everybody named their christmas tree no it's not i'll say hi piney it's a pine tree yeah i get it hi uh i think i get it um what are they what it's called oh pine cone hi coney like pine cones i don't think i grow them they don't grow pine cones oh christmas trees don't grow pine cones nope man this and so we have
Unknown: our elf so wait what's our elf's name elfi the snow monster elfi the snow monster elfi the
Natty Bumpercar: abominable wait really and you've now we've had him for 10 years he's been around with us his name just changed elfi the abominable yes that's what you named him i didn't name him you did yeah okay how does the elf work what's the deal with that um so we good in our last day wow and does he come every day no oh no what happens oh no oh no oh no and then what happened he didn't come so do you think he goes back to the north pole and talks to santa claus and he's probably heading what no he's no i don't think our elf goes to the sewers it's not town hall town hall that's similar to the
Unknown: sewer maybe maybe he goes maybe he goes back to the sewers
Natty Bumpercar: to the pole yeah i think he goes to the north pole and like to the elf spa and gets like an elf pedicure and manic and like relaxes let's not do that with the trash can um so he brings you guys little presents every day which is very very nice oh you got when did you get that today oh that's cute uh cardinal is a bird oh um and so that's fun so christmas elf and our elf is currently so wait does he is he on the christmas tree every day where does he usually go like a yeah it's hard to keep up with this elf he moves around a lot um and so what else do we oh he got a little cough has he really i wonder what's drawing him no oh you i can't touch him because he's what happens to the elf he's gone magic the magic is gone and then you no longer have an elf you never longer have uh elfie the snowman what do you guys oh sorry elfie the abominable snow monster can't jinx me we're doing a podcast i had to think about it for a second and i'm like oh my god i'm a second but i'm not allowed to talk if you jinx me and this is a pod it's an audio medium yep that means talking talking yeah no one's gonna no one's gonna listen to a podcast if everyone's jinxed and not talking it sounds terrible it sounds better uh emerson what do you want for no i guess you don't uh but do you have stuff in mind for legos oh but now you are telling did you know the plural form of lego is so you don't have to put an s on it no just just lego it's like uh if you see uh one c five yeah so lego is singular and plural it's the same lego logo if you see one logo it's a logo see a lot of logos plural no it's l-o-g-o-s um ollie what do you think you want for a baby sister no oh my goodness that was a big yell uh a kitty cat a family he's allergic oh that's true wow i want i only want eight stuff oh did you really so i guess i wow i think we all win in the end now do you guys feel like have you been good enough this year for yes okay and do you have uh is the chimney been cleaned out nope i think it did get clean we had some gentlemen come out and uh clean our chimney so maybe that'll that's what the new pipe is oh yeah that's the the chimney pipe yeah we got a new pipe for santa claus it's crazy wrong it cost way too um yeah to fix all this stuff that's broken around here whoa a hundred dollars he wants a stack of cash wow that's just stacks on cash and what is it uh we're making money the pyramid mummy oh i got hit in the face that's not nice uh why are we still home guys why is there a delayed opening all the time but there's no snow ice ice ice baby baby ice ice ice baby uh so um yeah there's a lot there but not enough to delay the school opening uh and so we're we're doing this to occupy our time a little bit right yes and uh they are not a sponsor of this podcast so yeah we could just we could just say we're going right and actually i think they changed their name i think that their name is now duncan i don't know if it still has donuts yeah because yeah i don't know i thought i read um so what else is exciting for about the holiday it's the holiday songs and the loop what
Unknown: did somebody say loop over here
Rufus T. Rufus: rufus d rufus that is my name and i heard someone say i'm not gonna have to steal anything that i already own child this is my podcast this is my house and you are my children no and you also cannot yell into the microphone and it did because that's gonna cause legal issues where it was eardrums explode and i had to pay for it can't afford to do these disney fucking people this is excellent oh god this is awkward it looks had to arms to God I just hope he gets the best night out of me this morning I have to go to the martiness stage ouu ok が o ov that's
Natty Bumpercar: so hey no no he didn't did you say loopy loop oh i think i might have been singing a song and i think it might have come um so wait emerson i'm curious that's interesting so you don't say happy holidays what do you say oh merry holidays and you said merry christmas so do you know something really oh well it's merry christmas but i i usually just say i go happy holidays because there's a lot of different holidays that are happening around this and so i want to make sure everybody feels there's uh it's christmas wanza there's hanukkah it is uh a holiday i don't really i don't know a lot about it but well here's a good thing i think i'm going to uh do some research and come back and tell you guys about all the holidays the next time there's also tuesday that's a good holiday
Unknown: yeah isn't it a holiday taco tuesday christmas oh is that day and christmas eve is on that's true
Natty Bumpercar: and what happens on christmas eve yeah it goes away right i know i know what's going on well guys thank you so much that's true thank you so much for being on this show did you have fun today uh are you guys hungry let's go get some food in your belly but listen just throw the food in your belly i'm not gonna do that no way um all right bumper god bumper podcast this is natty bumper car with my little pals emerson and oliver and you guys are amazing
Unknown: you you
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Bumperpodcast #328 – The Kids
Natty woke up in the middle of the night, sad about the state of the world, and emotional that his kids are growing up in record time. There aren’t a lot of laughs in this episode, just a lot of talky-talk. Be nice to one another.
The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!
You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!
Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!
About This Episode
In this introspective episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his emotional reflections as his youngest son Ollie prepares for pre-K graduation after eight years at the same daycare. Natty discusses the importance of celebrating children's achievements, defending participation trophies and letting kids feel special during milestone moments. He recounts a touching moment with his older son Emerson on his last day of school, emphasizing how crucial it is to tell loved ones they're appreciated. While grappling with difficult world events, Natty advocates for kindness, compassion, and remembering that everyone deserves respect—even when perspectives differ. This rare solo episode showcases a more vulnerable side of the usually comedic puppet host.
Memorable Quotes
“People get trophies for participating that's cool that's awesome you guess what you did something you participated and now you get to feel good about it.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“I need you to look at me… buddy, I want you to know how proud we are of you, that you made it through this year and you did such an amazing job.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“When you do nice things, it'll make you feel better, too. You're doing the nice thing because it'll make you feel better.”
— Natty Bumpercar
Topics: #graduation #parenting #childhoodmilestones #kindness #compassion #perspective #family #growingup
Featuring: Natty Bumpercar
Full Transcript
Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and I am in a bit of a mood today I guess a lot of there's a lot of things happening right there's a lot of stuff going on in the world this could be i'm super excited about that and i'm giving a speech at the graduation and when i gave i gave a little talk at emerson's graduation a few years ago and and i cried like i've never cried before in my life in front of a an auditorium full of people i was on the microphone and i was hyperventilating and uh i was it was it was quite the scene and and now for ollie's this is my last little kid and this is i've been at this this pre-k this daycare for eight years and and and i'm giving a little talk i've got it all nice and written out i have to i still have to print it and i i like to go what i do is i type it and then i print it and then i go through and i kind of mark it up and then i retype it with those uh the markup edits and um and then that's my final copy and uh so i got a tiny bit of work to do and um today i went in and uh and they've started like they took the uh by the hooks where you hang the bags every morning uh they took down the little name plates they took down a little the little stickers and uh so it's just wild wild west there's bags everywhere it's it's crazy um and it's it's it's it's an interesting hard thing uh where you know people like oh pre-k graduation why are we even celebrating this why does everybody get a trophy and it's just it's like stop just stop it like we don't have we're better than you're better than that i would assume like people get trophies for participating that's cool that's awesome you guess what you did something you participated and now you get to feel good about it we don't have to be like uh you know A seven-year-old's like, hey, you didn't win the tournament, so you don't get a trophy. What's the point of that? Oh, yeah, okay, I guess you could say, oh, well, it's going to make them stronger people. It's going to make them strive to do better next time. They're kids. Just let them have fun and let them get their trophy and let them go home feeling great. Right? Because there's going to be a lot of points in their life when they don't feel great. So let's let them feel great as much as they can whenever they can is my way of thinking. And so a pre-K graduation, you know, the kids don't really know what's going on, but they know that it's exciting. And they know the spotlight is on them. They know that it's their special day, that they're turning a chapter in their lives, in the little book of their lives. They're very short lives at this point. And but this is like a momentous thing where from when they're babies, they're with these people. And then after this day, they're going to go off to new schools and they're not all going to be together. And the ramifications, they don't know about all that stuff. They don't care about that. Like, oh, I might I might not see you, you know, whatever. But they they know, like, hey, this is a big deal. Like we did it. And in it, what did we do? We turned five and we became the legal age to go to kindergarten. But that was good for you. You got to a point where now you're going to move on to the next step. And that's great. And so hurray for kids, hurray for for them. And so we're going through all this stuff with with Ali. You know, there's field trips. There's like I think there were three field trips, which is a lot of field trips. There's his graduation. And then Emerson, you know, he's getting bigger, too. Like I took a picture of today. It's his last day of school and he's at the top of the stairs. And he's such a big guy. And I'm just like, who who are you people in my house, in my life? You're like my little pals, my little buddies. Like, I can go see movies with Emerson. I can go see The Incredibles, whatever. I can I can hang out. Neither of us can have popcorn because I've got my Invisalign and he's got his orthodontist. Sure. So, you know. We're going through that at the same time, too. It's nice. And then you look around at the rest of the world. Right. And what's going on? And I'm not going to get into things because that's not what this show is. And I don't know if there's kids listening. Hey, kids, are you out there? Are you listening? You're awesome. Good for you. I had to go back for a second. Today was Emerson's last day of school and we were late because I was putting together. I made these pictures. For in frames for his teachers. We were wrapping them. So we got there a couple of minutes late, but he was he was desperate to run in the school. He wanted to get in the school. He wanted to be there for morning care so that he could hang out with his friends for the last day of the school year. But we were late, which he was kind of upset about. You wanted to run in and I had to grab him before he ran in. And I got this right into his little face and I said, I need you to look at me. And he was like, OK, and he doesn't like he gets rude. He's really embarrassed with this kind of stuff because we're out in public. But I looked at him, I was holding his little face and I said, buddy, I want you to know how proud we are of you, that you you made it through this year and you did such an amazing job. You're such a wonderful kid and everyone loves you and everyone's so, so amazed at how well you're doing and and we're all excited for everything that you're going to do. Now, get in there and have a great day. Have a great day. And his little eyes like blinked, like blink, blink, blink. And he said, OK, dad. And he ran in. And I don't think people tell kids this type of stuff often enough. Like you go through your day to day. You're you got to. Oh, I got to go get gas. Oh, then I got to go return this box and then I got to go get this other box. And then, you know, I got to take this thing out of this box. I got to put this thing together. Oh, then I got to do this. There's just so much. There's so much stuff like minutiae in life, especially these days from when you wake up until when you go to bed. You can even pretend that like, oh, I got to put up, you know, five tweets today and I got to make sure that my social media metrics are good, whatever that is. Or, you know, you're staring at your phone and that you feel like you're almost accomplishing something because you're staring at your phone. On top of all, like, oh, I've actually got to go to the grocery store. I've got to make this food. I've got whatever. I've got to feed the dog. I've got. But there's so much minutiae that you can mask the rest of your life with that. I think it's important to people used to say, hey, stop and smell the roses. Yes, stop to stop and, you know, grab people that are important to you and tell them that they're important to you and tell them why they're important to you and say something to make them feel better. I am. On a daily basis, an embarrassment to my family because I like to talk to people. I talk to people in line at checkout. I talk to people at the restaurant, people I don't know, strangers. And I try to say nice things to them. Right. Just to make this random nice thing to say to people. Right. Because what you'll see is when you say nice things to people, if you do nice things for people. A lot of times they'll recognize it. They'll internalize it and they feel better. And then that's great. Sometimes they don't acknowledge it. They just kind of go about their life because they're in their own headspace. And that's fine, too, because it's not it's not about you're not doing the thing, the nice thing to get recognition for it. You're doing the nice thing because when you do nice things, it'll make you feel better, too. And. I don't want to. I'm not going to get into again because there's I think there's there's probably kids listening, but there's scary, bad things happening in the world around us. And when I look at my kids and I look at the privilege that they have and how lucky they are with their lives and where they are right now. And then I think about where other people are in the world. And it's it's heartbreaking and it's it's it's soul wrenching and it's just I don't know what to do. And I don't I don't feel sometimes I don't feel good about feeling good because there's these other people that are going through really bad stuff. And this is a comedy podcast. Right. Yeah. Pigs usually here. Rufus T. Rufus. Robot. Everybody. But I we had an episode a while ago about when I was sad. It was for different stuff. It was for different reasons. But I think it's important to realize that there's other people in different positions in life and it's all your perspective and how you see them. But you got to understand that every single person is a person and they deserve rights. They deserve respect. They deserve compassion and love. And, you know, if their political bent doesn't rhyme with yours or their religious affiliation or whatever their views are. They're still people. And. I think for the world to continue to work. We have to help people. And it's like I'm I'm I'm kind of I'm stammering. I'm laboring because I don't know the answers. I don't know how to make this better, but I just know that I don't feel good about what's happening in the world right now. And I don't know how you could feel good about what's happening in the world right now. And I made a comment the other day on some post and someone's like, oh, Natty Bumpergar is getting political. And it's like all I can do these days not to climb to the highest mountain and just scream like anguish scream because I don't understand how we are, where we are right now, how we got to this place.
Unknown: And.
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Bumperpodcast #324 – Physiology
Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!
It’s a very loud episode of the Bumperpodcast as we fight with the raucous party in the washing machine, the dryer, and the dehumidifier to tell you stories about spoiled children and how they are potentially wrecking me – bit-by-bit. Please listen. Please enjoy!
You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!
Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!
About This Episode
In this hilariously chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records amidst washing machines, dryers, and dehumidifiers while sipping sweet tea. He shares a wild story about his son's elaborate school trading scheme involving smelly markers, a pencil case, and ten dollars that goes completely sideways. Natty also dives into waves of nostalgia while sorting through old boxes of baseball cards and photos from his art school days. Between dodging health concerns (including a mysteriously tingly face) and preparing for a rare double date at an Ethiopian restaurant, Natty reflects on parenting chaos, stress, and why his kids are basically plotting his departure. It's vintage Bumperpodcast: rambling, relatable, and ridiculously entertaining.
Memorable Quotes
“He traded it to a kid for ten dollars and I was like wait what is this none of this makes sense. That's some serious gumption to be able to turn that deal around.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“They're like, wait, you're not gonna be here? Perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone. That's all we want in life too!”
— Natty Bumpercar
“If I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?”
— Natty Bumpercar
Topics: #parenting #nostalgia #health #trading #kids #stress #dating #baseballcards
Featuring: Natty Bumpercar
Full Transcript
Natty Bumpercar: right off the bat i'm going to apologize for the audio quality of this episode i'm holding a glass of sweet tea that i made so that's kind of loud and then to my left there is a dryer that's drying clothes and then to its left there is a washer that is doing a deep wash deep clean of some bedding some bedding that i found in a box and then on the other side over there there's a uh there's a dehumidifier that's running now most of the time this stuff isn't running when i'm doing the podcast because i have some sort of you know idea on how to make decent sound recordings but today uh i can't avoid it because i was supposed to record yesterday but i didn't get a chance because there was a spring concert so now we're in full-on weekend mode which means crazy noisy very sorry but i didn't want to miss out on a week i didn't want to miss you i mean i miss you every day that i'm not recording so i didn't want to miss you even more if you get my drift if you catch what i'm saying if you know what i know what i know um so wait the bedding that's an important story in the garage we have boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff that was in a storage facility in georgia this is where my comic books were this is where my baseball cards were and but more importantly there's boxes of ephemera there's boxes of stuff what kind of stuff like old photo albums old newspaper clippings of me old art show stuff like stuff from a million years ago that i didn't even know i still had but uh one of my kids is obsessed because he can see baseball cards i don't care about baseball cards i just worked in the store and they would sometimes pay me with baseball cards but he sees these cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he just wants to be able to take them to school to trade them here's a tangent last week he was at school a girl gave him a uh a pencil case like a zip up pencil bag it was green clear full of stuff he then took that pencil bag and i and he traded it to a kid for ten dollars and then i was like wait what is this none of this makes sense how did you get the pencil case and he was like well i gave her two smelly markers one watermelon one licorice and i was like okay so the impetus is two smelly markers for which you then got pencil case full of stuff no no no i then put my stuff in there okay so you you took a pencil case that you would swap for two markers put your stuff in it and then sold that to a kid for ten dollars all right i mean like in my head i'm like that's amazing like that's some serious something gumption i guess to to be able to turn that deal around but then you know i was like i can't let you keep this kid's ten dollars like this i i can't what what do we know and it's like a kid a friend of his and i'm like it's kind of taking advantage of because i'm what do you take so i had to go to the parent and i was like hey explain the story and she's like i'm not going to okay i was asking him about that ten dollars because that was his change from the plant sale and i was like okay gave her the ten dollars back and i was like hey while we're at it maybe you can give me the pencil case back so that i can give it back to person number one oh we don't know where the pencil case is what what what what are we doing so now my kid's losing his mind because he had brokered this deal and i swoop in take his ten bucks and he doesn't get the pencil case back so he's he's out he doesn't have anything he's like that was all my stuff in the pencil case and i was just like ah ah and then i had to find the kid's dad with the pencil case and i was like hey situation here's what it is and he was like oh weird the way i heard it was there was an elephant pencil holder that uh your kid gave to my kid i didn't know about any pencil case i was just like this is this bonkers this makes no sense at all anyway so he likes to take stuff to school and trade it or at least show it off look what i got yeah well i got this now and he's been obsessed with these he doesn't the boxes of baseball cards i don't even know what's in there their things are 20 30 years old i don't care i just know i don't want him messing with them just in case you know they're gonna pay for his college that's not gonna happen i understand that they're worthless pieces of paper but who knows there's no it's whatever so i was like all right because he's been on me on me on me baseball cards baseball cards baseball cards so we went to the garage this week and i took some boxes of baseball cards out and i'm like here you can look through this stuff and as he's looking through that stuff i'm going through old pictures and then i i mean i haven't even fully recovered from the nostalgia the wave of nostalgia that that overwhelmed me and it was just like oh my god look at all these people that i used to know look at you know like look at these people look at that guy i used to you know hang out with all these people and like pictures of my uh graduating my art show that was i i can't remember the name of it but i just saw it but it made me so happy and all the art the paintings and the drawings and i look so different so at some point uh i'm gonna i had to put everything back because he kind of lost his mind because i wasn't just letting him have every single thing in the box uh but i'm gonna go through and i'm gonna post them around so you'll get to see what i looked like 100 years ago which is very exciting for everyone um on a side note so nostalgia right recovering from that uh i i have had this weird thing that's been happening to me and um i don't i don't want hey i can see how you're looking at me i don't want you to be worried i want you to calm down it's okay it's gonna be okay so you know i do it happens that's fine uh you know especially the weird weather changes if it's raining outside there's mold if there's pollen whatever you know i get i get uh allergies and then allergies turn into a little cold and a little cold turns into bronchitis what's up asthma so good for me so this week has been that but on a side note i've been getting this other weird thing this is physiology physiology not virology that is different this is physiology the left side of my face so from nose over to the left uh not all the way to the ear it's just uh cheek and into mouth and in the jaw it gets tingly fuzzy and i can't feel it what i know scary a little bit don't go on the internet and ask why your face is tingly you don't want to know what things could be happening and you don't want to know what's going on and i've had a lot of situations where i've had a lot of your physiological progression, I don't even know if I'm saying the right word, I'm gonna feel like I am, and when I went to the doctor the other day, because I couldn't breathe, like I just couldn't breathe, and she gave me this doodad that I had to breathe into, and so you put your mouth on it, and she's like, all right, take a deep breath, and blow, and I was like, I can't take a deep breath, I can barely stand without passing out, but I scored a 300, and she was like, okay, and then she made me do it three times, second time I got a 340, and she's like, oh, wait a minute, 340, that's not bad, meanwhile, I'm gonna hold on to the wall, because this is now a competition, and I want to give it my best blow, third time, back right under 300, because I had spent myself, I had, so all I had, I had given to get that 340, and she's like, all right, so normal people, normally, you're gonna be up in the like 500, 550 range, maybe even 600, and I was just like, so on. I'm half of normal, breathe-wise, and she's like, basically, basically, and then I start going over all this, this litany of other things that are going on, weird stuff with the old body, and I was like, my face, can't feel it, the left side, tingling, should I be worried, but I don't even know if she took a note on it, because she was so overwhelmed by all the other ridiculousness, and so now I'm like, all right, body, I'm gonna draw a line in the sand, and, and, and, um, if, if not better by this date, then I have to go back to the doctor, which I don't want to do, I don't want to be like a, you know, every time I walk in the doctor's office, they're like, bumper car, and I'm like, hey, everybody, I'm broken, I don't want that, I don't need that, I've got friends in other places, like sandwich shops, and donut parlors, and whatnot, all right, I'll keep you posted, because it's weird, it's a weird thing, it's not a comfortable thing, I'm not, happy about it, uh, I've been told that there's too much stress in the life, too much stress with a kid, too much stress with a job, slow it down, calm down, I'm not good at that, in fact, when you tell me to slow it down, to calm it down, you know what I do, I double down, I do more, it's a bad way to do, if people say slow down, you know what you should do, maybe slow down, maybe just slow down, I don't know, so that's what's going on with me, tonight though, uh, Mrs. Bumper Car, is it Ms. Bumper Car, Mrs. Bumper Car, I don't know what her name is, um, we'll call her Mrs. Bumper Car, and I, uh, we're going out, we're going out on a, on a, on a double date, on a hot double date, we're gonna get Ethiopian food, and, and, and it's very exciting, because you know what we don't do, and we're going out with people we've never gone out with before, people who might, in fact, be listening to this podcast, I don't even know, very exciting times, and one of them is a comedian, so this is, this is weird, I don't go out with people, I don't, we don't go out, we don't go out, you know, we don't see people, we don't do things, so this is a big evening for us, who knows how it's going to turn out, it's close to the house though, so, you know, if we need to, we're gonna, we have a sign, we'll throw the sign, and then if we have to split up, then we know we can meet back at the house, so, you know, and the kids, the kids are gonna have a babysitter, that's all they care about, they're like, wait, you're not gonna be here, no, they're like, perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone, and we're like, weird, that's all we want in life too, is for you to leave us alone, but they won't do it, I, today, it's, so it's a rainy day, we've had a lot of rainy days around, and we decided, we were like, what are we gonna do with these kids, we can't just sit at home, because they go crazy if you just sit at home, so we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we're like, all right, guys, you hang out in the play area, run around, we'll grab some lunch, boom, you're eating out, you'll love to do that, and then after that, I was like, hey, maybe we'll go get ice cream, I don't want, one of them said, I don't think I want any sugar right now, I was like, what, okay, so we went to some junk store, gave each of them five bucks, I'll go buy some junk, you know, and you're like, oh, man, your kids are spoiled, and I'm like, yes, they are, but 10 bucks is not a lot to pay. To hang out with you, like, if you go to a movie, you're talking $800, if you go to a, whatever, arcade place, you're talking $400, everything costs so much money, so $10, nothing, nothing, and meanwhile, you know, we get back to the car, and then they're, like, haggling with each other, like, oh, I wish you would have gotten me $8 worth of stuff, I'm like, you didn't have to get anything, and then, and then the other one was like, you know what, I think I want some sugar now, and I'm like, come on, all you guys just do is take and take and take and take, can't leave me alone, you guys are stressing me out, can't even feel the left side of my face, what's going to happen next, I'm going to lose the right side of my face, that's my favorite side of my face, guys, don't worry, though, if I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?
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