Tag: Bumperpodcast

  • Bumperpodcast #439 – Season 3 – Come On, Turkey

    Bumperpodcast #439 – Season 3 – Come On, Turkey

    In this uproarious episode, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and the hilariously unexpected Turkey—dive headfirst into the world of podcast management. As they engage in side-splitting conversations with a mysterious someone, listeners are treated to a delightful blend of quick-witted banter and comedic genius.

    The episode unfolds with the gang navigating the challenges of running their unconventional podcast, providing a unique behind-the-scenes peek into the hilarious happenings in Coffee-Can Alley. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer, the Bumperpodcast guarantees a comedy adventure like no other. Join Rufus, Producer, Aloysius, and Turkey in this episode that promises laughs, surprises, and an unforgettable glimpse into the whimsical world of podcast management in Coffee-Can Alley. Don’t miss the fun—hit play and let the laughter begin!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page

    Bumperpodcast Turkey Episode Cover
    Transcription

    Aloysius J. Pig 0:04
    Yeah, so everybody is gonna come on in, watch your step. Try not to knock anything over. You. Come on in, come on in, come on in. We’ll get we can get more there’s more room in here in the studio. And we can look around a little bit.

    Rufus T. Rufus 0:18
    Now,

    everybody Aloysius J pig here, he’s given us a tour, and

    I Rufus T roof isn’t just here, you know, just as for more managerial perspective, and I just kinda, you know, just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this next phase of our project. Yes. And just make sure you avoid the wires. There’s a lot of wires everywhere, but you can see the part that stood here in the things the plugs in everything’s just, you know, just what we were saying. Just be very careful as you come into this space, this studio here, where we do make the recordings for the band

    Turkey, I admit it, but you do have a good point. Yeah, yeah, he

    Aloysius J. Pig 1:12
    does have a good point, you know, with the bumper podcast thing that we’re kind of moving on from that against, but for right now, it’s fine. You know, it doesn’t confuse anybody. This is a studio where we record a bumper podcast, we’re recording a podcast and we’re just trying to figure out what we’re doing here moving forward

    Manager 1:36
    maybe be your manager.

    Rufus T. Rufus 1:39
    Now hold on one second. Because I’m, I mean, I’m the lawyer but I’m also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole headquarters here. Just

    Aloysius J. Pig 1:50
    let him Let him talk. Alright, this Hold on

    Rufus T. Rufus 2:03
    No, apologies. You just started to be over here, I suppose taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, I

    Aloysius J. Pig 2:17
    think everybody knows what you’re saying. All right. So back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio we used to record a bumper podcast here. I’m Aloysius jpg gets full press T Rufus over there is produced and obviously missing from the equation. He’s Natty Bumpercar We haven’t seen him in a long time. So that’s why we’ve reached out to you

    Manager 2:41
    because it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad that you called me and I’m looking around here and I can see

    Aloysius J. Pig 2:52
    all right that I mean that sounds good and a lot a lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean that makes sense to me. We want to get me well we do when we get started as soon as possible because we’ve been kind of languishing I think is the proper time

    Rufus T. Rufus 3:13
    again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us even consider it well said Turkana Aloysius What do you think about that? That that that point there that took it just me When

    Aloysius J. Pig 3:28
    did you intend to become such good pals? This is a nice relationship friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey yet. That does make sense. We don’t want to just like trash everything. Throw everything away. Maybe we can get some storage boxes, we can put things you know, I think there’s probably some room over in the shed.

    Producer 3:48
    Which which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about the the big shade or the or the Play Stick shade? Or this is a lot of shade around? You know,

    Rufus T. Rufus 3:58
    I mean, it could be you’re seeing the blue shed that’s out back? It could be the green shed, it’s out front?

    Producer 4:07
    I mean,

    Rufus T. Rufus 4:08
    I don’t understand what natty was doing. How do you collect shapes like it sheds is something that you’re going to store stuff in? So why would you just keep getting more and more sheds like we it looks if I look around at corners up there. It looks like we’re like a Mr. Shit like we’re gonna be selling shit at some point. You know? Like, come on down to guess bumper cars crazy shit Emporium. Where you can buy the best stop pointing

    Manager 4:49
    gonna stick around we’re not gonna do bird we’re not gonna do none of those. Well,

    Aloysius J. Pig 4:58
    no. Okay, well gonna know tangents that’s Wow, that is gonna be quite different because normally this show exists to just just to tangent like so like we look like instead of a road like uncooked spaghetti which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around the dike that’s kind of you guys think of pasta for lunch? Maybe? Yeah,

    Rufus T. Rufus 5:29
    I could certainly go over some pasta. You know, this weekend, we got a big game. And so I want to Cabo row.

    Producer 5:37
    Right, exactly. She’s kind of loud. What do you what is he talking about?

    Rufus T. Rufus 5:45
    Turkey, you know, so? Yeah.

    So listen, so what we do before the big game, is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes it better have more energy mix was much more, you know, just more of a spark, you know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make moves and do what we do whatever them. So that’s what is carbo loading.

    And then you’re ready to go. Yeah.

    Aloysius J. Pig 6:18
    So I think producing is a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you’re playing? And who is playing in it? And what where is it? I don’t know. Just explain a little bit this this whole game thing that you’re talking about?

    Producer 6:37
    No, no, we didn’t get the email, I guess. I guess, maybe just you and the roof is we’re talking about these intramural sports that you’re doing between different podcasts. And I said, and I checked my email all the time. And I said, I’m looking now there’s no mercy from you. 30. I’m looking in my spam. Sorry, Emily. She’s looking out through everything and they don’t see any messages from any of you.

    Manager 7:12
    Red Line over there on the red line. Even me

    Aloysius J. Pig 7:15
    not a red light this mean check Tia, I think it means that the power is on. And I still with that? I

    Producer 7:22
    think that we’re recording I would think yes, yes, the red light. It doesn’t mean the powder is on it just means that we are recording the things that are transpiring here in the studio

    Manager 7:39
    recording on the podcast, everything you

    Rufus T. Rufus 7:48
    know, we got to do here is anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording and the light The light is read over the you know, and that just means that we are recording the podcast and or recording something that you know, I guess well

    Aloysius J. Pig 8:12
    is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule. And you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live there, like hey, we want to know the day and the time that your pod gates is going to come out every single week and we don’t have that capability. And so what we do, a lot of the time is if we’re gonna have a conversation, it’s like hold on, let’s just go talk into studio producer came you know, turn on record and then bang, bang, boom, we got another podcast

    Manager 8:49
    this is going to be a podcast I don’t even know what kind of a situation I’ve gotten myself into. was gonna come in a few walls. And then be with

    Rufus T. Rufus 9:08
    I mean, I thought we were just hanging out lollygag and a bit just, you know, just talking to talk a little pod cast, team to podcast, Matt and Mr. We’re gonna knock down walls. I don’t doesn’t make no sense to me. Where’s the budget for that?

    Producer 9:30
    Yes. So ever reaches the budget is we don’t have any money right now. But what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers, or the podcast, you know, like, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash,

    Aloysius J. Pig 9:47
    I will not be washing cars. Do you get me for no sir. I will not be doing that. Duly noted.

    Producer 9:56
    Then we were also thinking you No going around and sending cookies didn’t even like boxes of cookies, people love cookies.

    Rufus T. Rufus 10:08
    I do think to be honest, I love cookies and all that. And I think everyone here understands the legal ramifications. So the girls that don’t go around and they sell the cookies every year and we can’t begin that that tour tour is taken, we can’t jump in there, we’re gonna they’re very tough group we’re not gonna I don’t not want to tussle with looking at cookie girls. So I think that’s not a good idea either.

    Aloysius J. Pig 10:36
    I don’t want to fit. This is an EN tz no tassel endzone. Also, this is an I’m starvin zone because earlier we’re talking about pasta. And then now we’re talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it’s just like that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal and kind of where my mind is now I’ve kind of given up on this whole room thing this is this podcast managed to help or whatever and I think we should probably break for lunch or whatever what time is it whatever it was so whatever meal people eat at at 330 I don’t know

    Manager 11:28
    talk about you guys are just gonna go to 330 meals.

    Rufus T. Rufus 11:36
    I’m not concerned about what the meal is. But I don’t know if everybody else is here.

    I always don’t like to detract from people who are here especially people who are trying to help us but you’ll your voice is grading it. It’s I don’t know what it is about it. But I do feel like Allah which is if we’re gonna start having people on the show. Let’s talk to him a little bit before we come in the studio. We can tell producer like hey, do not record this. This is not gonna sound good, be pleasing to people

    Manager 12:16
    and you ain’t even one being I got a podcast and you want to stay

    Aloysius J. Pig 12:27
    turnkey come on

    Outro 12:42
    the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

    NonPro 14:01
    This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com


    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and Rufus T. Rufus give a tour of their studio to potential new manager Doodle Poodle. With host Natty Bumpercar still missing, the crew discusses the future of the podcast while navigating cluttered wires, multiple storage sheds, and Turkey's confusing interjections. Doodle Poodle quickly becomes frustrated with the show's tangent-heavy format and questions why they're even recording. The conversation spirals through topics like carbo-loading for mysterious sports games, cookie fundraisers, and whether 3:30 is an appropriate meal time. Rufus eventually admits that Doodle Poodle's grating voice might not be suitable for podcasting, leading to an awkward confrontation.

    Memorable Quotes

    “When I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this. We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. We're going to stick to it. We're not going to diverge.”

    — Doodle Poodle

    “We look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “Your voice is so loud. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like we should talk to people before we come in the studio so we can tell producer, do not record this.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #podcastmanagement #studiotour #food #tangents #missinghost #friendshipconflicts #fundraising

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Turkey, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so everybody just come on in watch your step try not to knock anything over come on in come on in come on in uh we can get more there's more room in here in uh the studio and then we can look around a little bit yeah now uh so everybody

    Rufus T. Rufus: al oish is jay pig here he's giving us a tour and uh i rufus t rufus i'm just here you know just as from a more managerial uh perspective and i just kind of you know just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this uh next phase of our project yes and so just

    Turkey: make sure you avoid the wires there's a lot of wires everywhere but you know because he the studio and the things the plugs and everything so just you know i just what we were saying just be very careful as you come into the space the studio here where we do make the recordings for the

    Rufus T. Rufus: bumper podcast yeah turkey i hate to admit it but you do have a good point there yeah yeah he does

    Aloysious J. Pig: have a good point you know with the bumper podcast thing that we're kind of moving on from that i guess but for right now it's fine you know it doesn't confuse anybody this is a studio you where we record the bumper podcast recording the podcast you know we're just trying to figure out

    Doodle Poodle: what we're doing here moving forward yep yep yep well don't you mind me i'm on my way around the podcast studio you know that's why you guys called me in to maybe be your manager

    Rufus T. Rufus: well now hold on one second there because i'm i mean i'm the lawyer but i'm i'm also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole uh headquarters here rufus just let him let

    Aloysious J. Pig: Let him talk, all right? Just hold on. Do I need to leave? Everything's going to be all right, all right?

    Doodle Poodle: Okay, because I can just go. If you guys don't know what you're doing, then I can just head on out right now. I don't mind doing it now.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I'll apologize. I'll just be over here, I suppose, taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I'm saying?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think everybody knows what you're saying. All right, so back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio. We used to record the Bumper Podcast here. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. That's Rufus T. Rufus over there as producer. And obviously, missing from the equation, he's Natty Bumpercar. We haven't seen him in a long time. So that's why we reached out to you.

    Doodle Poodle: Well, all I know is it's nice to meet you, and I'm glad that you called me. And I'm just looking around this room here, and I can see a lot of improvements that we can make as soon as possible.

    Aloysious J. Pig: All right, I mean, that sounds good. A lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean, that makes sense to me. I mean, we do want to get started as soon as possible, because we've been kind of languishing, I think is the proper term.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us are even considering. Well said, Turkey. Now, Aloysius, what do you think about that point there that Turkey just made?

    Aloysious J. Pig: When did you and Turkey become such good pals? This is a nice relationship, friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey, yeah, that does make sense. We don't want to just, like, trash everything, throw everything away. Maybe we could get some storage boxes. We could put things, you know, I think there's probably some room over in the shed.

    Turkey: Now, which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about? The big shed, or the plastic shed, or there's a lot of sheds around, you know?

    Rufus T. Rufus: I mean, it could be, like you're saying, the blue shed that's out back. It could be the green shed that's out front. I mean, I don't understand what Natty was doing. How do you collect sheds? Like, sheds are something that you're going to store stuff in, so why would you just keep getting more and more sheds? It's like, it looks… If I look around headquarters out there, it looks like we're, like, a Mr. Shed. Like, we're going to be selling sheds at some point, you know? Like, come on down to, I guess, Bumper Car's Crazy Shed Emporium, where you can buy the best…

    Doodle Poodle: No, hold on a second. You've got to stop talking.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Point taken, point taken.

    Doodle Poodle: Yeah, because when I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this, okay? We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. And we're going to… Stick to it, all right? We're not going to diverge. We're not going to have tangents. We're not going to do none of that stuff, okay?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, no… Okay. We're going to… No tangents? That's… Wow. That is going to be quite the difference, because normally this show exists just to tangent. Like, we look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me. Like, that's kind of… Oh. You guys thinking of pasta for lunch, maybe?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I could certainly go for some pasta. You know, this weekend we've got a big game, and so I want a carbo-road.

    Turkey: Not exactly. It's just carbo-road. What is he talking about?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, turkey and turkey, you know. So, listen. So, what we… What we do before the big game is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes our body have more energy. It makes us have much more, you know, just more of a spark. You know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make our moves and do what we do and everything. So, that's just carbo-loading. You eat a lot of pasta, and then you're ready to go.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So, I think… Producer and I are a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you're playing, and who is playing in it, and what… Where is it being… I don't know. Just explain a little bit this whole game thing that you're talking about.

    Doodle Poodle: Huh. No.

    Turkey: Yeah, no. We didn't get the email, I guess. I guess maybe just you and Rufus were talking about these intramural sports that you're doing between different podcasts, and I said, and I checked my email. All the time, and I said, I'm looking now. There's no message from you, Turkey. I'm looking in my spam. Sorry, Aloysius. I'm looking all through everything, and I don't see any messages from any of you.

    Doodle Poodle: Okay, so I just need all of y'all to stop talking, because here's what's happening. You're wasting my time, and why is that red light over there on? What does that red light even mean?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Ah, the red light just means that the, uh, I think it means that the power is on. And that, I guess, I think that we're recording, I would think.

    Turkey: Yes, yes. The red light, it doesn't mean the power is on. It just means that, uh, we are recording, uh, the things that are transpiring here in the, um, uh, studio.

    Doodle Poodle: Well, I don't understand even one thing. Why would you be recording this? You can't put this out. This isn't a podcast. You're just wasting power and wasting everything. You're wasting my time, and you're wasting your time. No.

    Rufus T. Rufus: See it? What we kind of do here is, uh, anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording, and the light, the light is red over there, you know, and that just means that, uh, that we are recording the podcast, and, uh, we're recording something, you know, I guess.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, here's the thing, is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule, and, uh, you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live their life. Hey, we want to know the day and the time that your podcast is going to come out every single week, and we don't have that capability. And so what we do a lot of the time is, if we're going to have a conversation, uh, it's like, hold on, let's just go talk in the studio, producer can, you know, turn on record, and then, bing, bang, boom, we got another podcast.

    Doodle Poodle: So you're telling me that this is going to be a podcast? Yes, or this, that doesn't make any sense, this is just, I don't even know what kind of a situation I've gotten myself into. I thought I was going to come in here, knock down a few walls, put up a new sign, and then be ready to go, but that does not seem to be what we're doing here.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I don't, I, I mean, I thought we were just here hanging out, just lollygagging a bit, just, uh, you know, just talking the talk, a little podcaster team. Wait, a podcaster, ma, mister, uh, wait, I didn't, we're gonna knock down walls, I don't, that doesn't make no sense to me, I, where's the budget for that?

    Turkey: Yes, so, uh, Aloysius, the budget is, uh, we don't have any money right now, but what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers for the podcast, you know, like, uh, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash? I.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Will. Not. A. Mission. Cause. Do you get me, producer? I will not be doing that.

    Turkey: Duly noted. Um, then we were also thinking of, you know, uh, uh, going around and selling, uh, cookies to people, like boxes of cookies, people love boxes of cookies.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I, I, I do think that the, I, I love cookies, I know that, and I, I think everyone here, uh, understands, uh, the legal ramifications, uh, the, the, the, the, the girls, they don't go around and they sell the cookies every year, and then we can't, we can't, that, that tour-a-tour is taken. We can't jump in there, we're gonna, they're a very tough group, we're not gonna, I don't not wanna tussle with the cookie, cookie girls, so, uh, I think that's not a good idea either.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I don't wanna, this is an NTZ, uh, no tussling zone. Also, this is a, an I'm starving zone, because earlier we was talking about pasta, and then now we're talking about cookies. We're talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it's just like, that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal, and, uh, kind of where my mind is now, I've kind of given up on this whole, uh, room thing, this, this, this, this podcast manager help or whatever, and, uh, I think we should probably, uh, break for, for lunch, or whatever, what time is it? It's like three, three thirty? Okay, whatever, whatever. Three thirty? Yeah. So, what time do you think, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time should meal people eat at, at, at three thirty? I, I don't know.

    Doodle Poodle: So, are you telling me that I came all the way down here to have a meal and, you know, talk about a new podcast, and now all of a sudden you guys are just gonna go and have lunch or whatever. Three thirty meal, well. Yeah. I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I, I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us. But your, your voice is so loud. Oh, you're so loud. I, I'm sorry. for a 3.30 meal.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us, but your voice is grating. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like Aloysius, if we're going to start having people on the show, let's talk to them a little bit before we come in the studio so that we can tell producer, like, hey, do not record this. This is not going to sound good. He's pleasing to people's ears.

    Doodle Poodle: I know. I've got more podcasting experience and skill and talent in my pinkie toe than you have. I'm going to all gather together. I don't appreciate what y'all are saying. I've got awards for podcasting. You understand?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Turkey, come on!

    Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash WTPS.com. www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodlepoole, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

    Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com

    Doodle Poodle: … …

    Unknown: … …

  • Bumperpodcast #402 – Season 2 – Story about 20 Years Ago

    Bumperpodcast #402 – Season 2 – Story about 20 Years Ago

    There is a little warning at the beginning of the episode this week, as Natty answers a listener question about where he was on 9/11. Nothing horrible is said, but — I wanted to let you know the topic, as it can be upsetting. ❤️

    The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!

    [av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-ku733er2′ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-ku733cro’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:00 Today’s episode comes with a little bit of a trigger warning. I’m going to talk about 911 September 11 2001 somebody asked me about my experience and I thought it’d be easier for me just to talk through it then to type everything out because it was an eventful day not just for me but for the world obviously. But just so you know. So, I lived in Brooklyn, in a place called the East Williamsburg industrial park. Nowadays everybody you’ve heard of Williamsburg probably it’s like hipster capital central central capital whatever. You take the the El train over from you get over there and we’re in Williamsburg and but at the time I lived in East Williamsburg which was factories and stuff the building I lived in it was an illegal loft, which is fun. Across the street was that where they put all the dump trucks for the night that’s where they slept the dump trucks, the garbage trucks I want to be specific because dump trucks they don’t smell that bad garbage trucks smell horrific and bring along a lot of vermin a lot of rats also in my neighborhood, and maybe I’ll go more into depth about this another time but there were packs of wild dogs that would just roam the streets and it was and and people would go to this neighborhood to set cars on fire it was it was a wasteland It was a terrifying place but it was also kind of magical the the apartment that we had but just an old building, it was raw and we built our space out and I had your two stories because that I built because the ceilings are so high and my office was on the second and I had a slide a spiral slide that that came down from the top to the bottom and it was deep but that’s where I was I was in East Williamsburg and the morning that it happened my roommate kind of came and grabbed me and he’s like hey, come up to the roof something something weirds happening. And so I ran up and you know, the first tower was was already smoking and everything and it was just like oh, this is this is weird. I’m gonna run back downstairs and we turn the TV on and I grabbed my camcorder and I ran back upstairs and we were all standing up there and there’s a crowd of people on the roof at that point we’re all watching and I’m filming and because at the time I worked at the New York Times and in the the photos and graphics division, and I was like and I really honestly I didn’t think anything crazy. Like I don’t even know if I knew what happened to the first hour that’s that point I saw there’s a fire in the World Trade Center This is That’s crazy. Look at this look at that smoke Wow. And didn’t even really think about people being hurt and everything because it was just like, you know fires happen in New York City and skyscrapers it’s certainly scary and precarious but I think it’s gonna be Oh my god. Just sec second tower. There isn’t there’s got just got hit. And I was filming. And so then at that point, that’s when Yeah, your whole body just kind of it’s a shutter. It was just a chill like a gut feeling. my now wife, then girlfriend worked in the city in Manhattan on Spring Street, and that’s if you need a location, it’s kind of it’s Southern Manhattan. So it’s it’s not very far from all the shenanigans, all the badness. And so first thought was, how do I get in touch with her? I start calling and calling and calling and I can’t get her. At the time we had two very close friends living in the city very near to me, and I had a truck that I would zoom around and his name is Gomez, gogo Gomez and silver truck. And so I called the friend and I was like are you seeing this? Do you see what I’m coming over and drove over and his his girlfriend also worked in Manhattan. So now it’s the two of us and we’re trying to get in touch with to find these people. These close people of ours that are in the city. You’re it’s it’s, it was a real moment of like, you know, you have to think about what’s happening you have to process what’s happening, but you also have to like, figure out how to get your people safe. The people you love safe. And I don’t really and cell phones were basically non existent. Like it was the the system was down. The traffic was everywhere. There’s cars, gridlock, there’s people just in the streets. And eventually, we found his girlfriend and I don’t remember how that happened. But we found her and we got her in the car. And then we went to the Manhattan Bridge, I think it was the Manhattan and not the Brooklyn I think was a Manhattan Bridge. But there were just just droves of people coming across the bridge. And you know, we kept trying to text and call and everything. And this was I had a Nokia we did have a I have a razor is crazy old phones. No, I think it was it was this Nokia and it was called like it was like a candy bar. And it was this little plastic phone. And it was bright yellow. And I think the back had fallen off. And it was it was it was great because it just kept going and kept doing it. But it was it was it was a little bit of a wreck that phone. But I think I finally managed to text her. You know, like, have friends in truck. base of bridge, we’ll wait we’ll find you whatever. And it was a tense few hours, you know, and so we finally found her and then we’re all in the truck. And we were all starving because it was later in the day at that point and we ate I feel like we ate at McDonald’s and it was a weird thing because that’s not really someplace we ate. But it was it felt very, for lack of a better term jingoistic like we it made us feel like America like Uh huh, what’s happening? Oh, eat at McDonald’s. That’ll make things it didn’t make it better, but, and then you’re glued to the television, really? And trying to take it all in and contacting relatives who aren’t in the city and know you are in this city. That was another mad rush of people calling or texting. Are you okay? Is everything okay? No, it’s not. I as I said, I saw I worked at the New York Times. And I couldn’t get into the city that day, because they closed off all the bridges and everything in the trains and everything shut down. But when I finally was, I think it was the next day that I was able to get into the city. And I was talking to somebody about this recently, that I worked something like 35 straight days, like every single day. And these were long shifts too, because it just the amount of information, the amount of images and just everything that were coming through our pipeline to get out to other papers across the world was was massive. And I feel like the way I got into the city if my brain is right, is I rode my bike up over the Queen’s was a 50/51 Street Bridge 54th Street, 57th Street, there’s a bridge up there that I went across. Yeah, it’s the 59th Street Bridge, the Queensboro Bridge, kind of near Long Island City kind of over I don’t know it, but I that’s what it is. So I was able to ride across on my bike and get to the times building and basically to stay there. And my experience is slightly different from a lot of people. Everyone’s experience is different, obviously. But being in that building and being so tied to the news and all the images that are coming in. And many images that couldn’t be published or couldn’t be sent out for print or anything was intense, and it really kind of mess my brain up because I’m seeing things that are truly horrific. And then also doing it every single day it meant you didn’t have a second to really kind of take a breath or bounce back or anything like that. And yeah, it was just constantly being exposed to these things. Speaking of exposed and this is is a really terrible thing in the city and this was for a while there was it I mean it was basically smoke but it felt like you know just smog or whatever but it was just this pervasive ever present just white ish cloudy I don’t know bro that was there for a while but much worse than that even was the smell the burning you know like the electrical burning just the building burning metal and glass and whatever and at that hung in the air for a long time and it’s weird I think it was like a week or two ago there was a fire and it was probably like 10 miles from my house 810 miles but it was an industrial fire and it was I was I was walking to get the kid at school or something like that and I got hit by this smell and you know they always say that smell is one of the most powerful triggers of memory or whatever but man that smell hit me and I was I was right back and that it was it was I don’t know it’s I don’t know how you do but the way i i i like to experience things and sometimes I’ll take a step back and I’ll look at how long the experience things and I’ll try to figure out how I’m experiencing them and why I’m experiencing them in that way and maybe why my brain is thinking of x y and z and why banjo loves to bark every time I’m doing a podcast like these are just things that I think of and that’s okay but yeah, it was 20 years ago and it it still weighs heavily on my heart and on my mind and every so often depends like you know if I am thinking about something or whatever like I can definitely still like it a little early and get upset by the whole thing oh you know as I should. It was a terrible day. It was a it was a day that I think a lot of stuff changed the world and not not for the better certainly. But that’s for another day. Speaking of another day, really quick I want to address the last podcast I had a song and some people got very worried about me. They were like are you okay? It sounds very sad. It sounds very ominous. And it was not my intention. I always I was kind of trying to I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the Willy Wonka movie The first one the original one but there’s a there’s a scene where Wonka is on a boat kind of thing in the chocolate river with all the kids and he’s singing this song and it also is pretty ominous also if I’m if I’m To be honest, but that was kind of like I was trying to try to capture that in a way and and I made the song up on the spot so there was no intentionality behind it. There was no like, I’m gonna sit down and write out this sad, you know, skit wherever I was. So I apologize if if I made anyone upset or worried. And now we’re doing this episode. Maybe next I think next episode, let’s get back to the fun. What do you think of that? I think that would be amazing. I would love that it’s October it’s rocktober. Let’s kick out the jams. Let’s raise the roof. I mean, is this the bumper podcast? Or is this the bumper podcast? It is the bumper podcast. And you guys have my bumper podcast, cut tears. And I want you all to take a minute today. Take a deep breath. Look at the sky, right? Or look at the mirror, look at yourself, and just give yourself a hug. Because the world is a lot and you need to take care of yourself. That’s important, you’re important. And you need to take care of yourself. Okay? And if you ever get you know, a little too if things are too bunu then, you know, send me an email and well I know I’ll try like helping people that’s what I do. And, and you guys helped me everyday by listening to this and I appreciate it. And now I’m gonna go drink some tea because that’s what I do. That’s what I do. Outro 15:26 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com. forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar calm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. NonPro 16:45 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

  • Bumperpodcast #401 – Season 2 – Singy

    Bumperpodcast #401 – Season 2 – Singy

    Natty sings an odd song. A really odd song. The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
    [av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-ktn7f46s’ sc_version=’1.0′] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-ktn7f343′ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:00 I sometimes feel like maybe I’m not obvious I sometimes feel like maybe I’m a blog obvious oblivious. oblivious to all the things and all this stuff. I wonder if all like two will ever be and yeah, Aloysius J. Pig 0:33 it probably won’t. Unknown Speaker 0:37 I said and making do and think in everything everything though I even though I even though I don’t even know sometimes what I mean probably sleepy, tired grumpy out of steam probably woke up on the bed wrong. I guess. Tomorrow’s another day? I think so let’s hold out hope for brighter things. And better days. Don’t let the goose’s weigh you down. How heavy can Natty Bumpercar 1:35 crowd crying inside outside turn that smile around a frown flowers in the ground are bright bird up in the air I think I can I think I might around in circles. Tonight I’m fine. Okay. Fine. I’m okay. Fine, okay. here more than five more than okay. Over under the stars much too close. And much too far. More brains a spongy one g fuzzy. Unknown Speaker 3:01 Few fuse. tangental paradox. I go high lately since bid up to a smidge of dread. That’s okay. We just move forward Porsche so we can do everything and every day wake up and go on and on about your day. I mentioned this to you my friends. My podcast pounds in hopes you’re good in hopes you’re well in hopes you smile. Rufus T. Rufus 3:59 Now, Aloysius, what’s the word here? Was it what would what just happened? Was that the episode or was he okay once I mean what’s happened is I don’t understand that was very different from anything that we have produced in the past so this is this is new territory. Aloysius J. Pig 4:15 Yeah, so I don’t know that was pre recorded. And he’s he’s sleeping right now. It seems fine to me. Are you sleeping I could be any better than that. My take on it is he’s okay. However, the he’s a little bit upset with himself because he recorded the 400th episode big episode big planes and then kind of took a month off so now I didn’t get happening sorry. Got a little popcorn seat up but my teeth Rufus T. Rufus 4:15 popcorn I know what it told me there’s gonna be popcorn is as any as any I left now just read it. Aloysius J. Pig 4:53 Oh, yeah, no, I you know, you got to put food in front of it. What am I gonna do? I’m gonna finish it. That’s what I do. Yeah, But anyway, I’ll talk to him. We’ll see what happens and he’s good. We’ll see. We’ll talk to him. Hopefully we’ll do another episode next week we can pick out get back on track. You know how it is. So it’s always that that August slump and then when there’s a big episode sometimes then there’s a lag so we’re fine. Everything’s good Bumperpodcastketeers I’ll say hi. Hello. wacky funny jokes and everything. I’ll always just JPG here with Rufus T. Rufus. And I don’t know man I that song though. Oh, wow. He Rufus T. Rufus 5:35 is that what we’re calling the song that’s the title of it off off Eve? Because I need to you know if we’re gonna be putting that out I don’t know if we are but I do need a title. So right now I’m going to pin cillian off Aloysius J. Pig 5:49 off so perfect. Oh, lately I had to go Oh, he or not something is a different song. But he I get the I get the drift. I mean, like the bad guy, but he was just like a drone. I don’t want to I don’t want to upset him and I’ll feel Listen to this. But Wow. Wow. Give that kid some milk. Right. So energy. I don’t know what a nice piece of cheese Maybe? Maybe a pretzel. Oh, I would know a pretzel Rufus T. Rufus 6:22 with a pretzel now you’re gonna go a classical with the salt on top of salted pretzels. Are you gonna go with the new kid on the block? But I feel like a strong contender the cinnamon and sugar? Aloysius J. Pig 6:36 That’s an excellent question. Um, for me, you know, it’s the classic that I want savory, or do I want sweet? That’s going to depend on the time of the day. It’s going to be in you know, depending on my my, just my mood in general, what am I having to drink with it? some sort of a beverage. I do know that the cinnamon and sugar is going to wear me out because I’m going to have a sugar rush, obviously. So there’s a lot of bits and pieces variables to consider. But I you know, I think they all have their merits. They have the pros so and they have their cons obviously or not. Rufus T. Rufus 7:10 Here’s my plan. I think we should get together and discuss this. But what we’re going to do is we’re going to have a pretzel meal. We’re also going to start off with the salt pretzle. So big salt in pretzel, you know, you get your meal there. And then for dessert now for dessert, I’m thinking we’re gonna have the cinnamon and sugar pretzel, how about that? Why don’t they promote it this way? Hey, you you want to prep so you can’t decide between this one or that one? We’re gonna give it to you half and a half. We’re gonna give you the salted and then later on, you’re going to come back with the cinnamon and sugar. We’re going to call it a pret a duo of pretzels. duet of breads do i do Aloysius J. Pig 7:52 Oh, do what do what? pretzel two ways? Yeah, I don’t know. But yeah, okay. I was gonna stay here and hang out with Bumpercar because it was kind of worried or whatever. But like now Yeah, let’s let’s pretzel. Rufus T. Rufus 8:04 It is pretzel time. Outro 8:20 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar we also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar comm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hudson hearts See you soon This NonPro 9:42 has been a non productive media presentation executive producer Franco blaue this program and many others like it on the nonproductive now network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dashboard diff.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]
  • Bumperpodcast #394 – Season 2 – Moondoggie and Monster

    Bumperpodcast #394 – Season 2 – Moondoggie and Monster

    The show is taken over by Moondoggie and Monster in the Morning! Wait who in the beans are ‘Moondoggie and Monster’ — and what’s a ‘morning’?!?

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

    Show Transcript:

    (more…)

  • Bumperpodcast #382 – Sal Salesman

    Who is Sal Salesman – and what plans does he have for Natty and the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

    About This Episode

    In episode 382 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar's recording session takes a dark turn when the aggressive salesman Sal Salesman bursts in and criticizes everything about the podcast. Sal demands Natty hire a full staff, implement SEO strategies, and completely overhaul the show's operations. When Rufus T. Rufus attempts to defend Natty, he's tricked into signing a contract that gives Sal control of the podcast. The episode ends with a shocking twist: Aloysius J. Pig reveals he invited Sal Salesman and has worked with him before, leading to chaos as Rufus storms off and the future of the Bumperpodcast hangs in the balance.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You come to a locked door and you start to cry. I come to doors and they're locked and I kick those doors open and I give myself super excellent opportunities.”

    — Sal Salesman

    “This podcast is just about friends getting together and hanging out. If it takes off one day, great. But if it doesn't, totally fine.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “This is a tiny pond and there's only room for one shark here. And that shark's name is Sal Salesman.”

    — Sal Salesman

    Topics: #podcasting #business #betrayal #contracts #seo #friendship #takeover #comedy

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysius J. Pig, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Bumper podcast it's me not a bumper car and I'm so happy to be here I'm so thrilled because I don't know that feels like the podcast is going in the right direction like people are listening and you know we're on we're on the nonproductive.com like their network now and and and I'm this is my second week in a row recording thanks life for letting me do my podcast and it's just everything feels like your podcast is garbage yes who are you why are you here why are you being mean to me

    Aloysius J. Pig: just look around yourself you see this is not even a studio it's just a basement and your podcast

    Natty Bumpercar: no one listens to it do you even have any s-t-o s-t-o what is s-t-o s-e-o oh I don't know if I have any s-t-o I just know that I come down here and yeah it is a basement but it's also my studio and I record my podcast every week and it's the bumper podcast and I don't know oh yeah exactly you don't know you don't know anything all you do is come down here

    Aloysius J. Pig: yeah with all your little friends every week and this is what you have nothing to show for

    Natty Bumpercar: that's not true I have a lot to show for this is my 382nd episode and people seem to like my show and they seem to listen to it and yeah my little friend my little friend my little friend my little friend Say hello to my little friends I was having a good day I was having a good day Anyway You're going to stop doing this podcast Until you figure out exactly what you're doing What your five year goal is And what your angle is And what your perspective is And what your niche is None of these things exist On your show That's not, well, it's the Bumper Podcast It's all about Coffee Can Alley And all the shenanigans that happen here at Headquarters With me, Natty Bumpercar Everyone's favorite comedian And his friends Aloysius J. Pig Rufus T. Rufus shows up Doodle Poodle Robot is even I don't know where Robot is right now, honestly But what do we It's just a fun show We don't have to have Perspective and niche And all these Who are you anyway? You haven't even told me Oh my My name is Salesman Sal And I'm here to offer you A deal of a lifetime A deal of the century A deal that will make your podcast Pop in ways that it currently Does not Okay, you're a salesman? You're the worst salesman I've ever talked to in my entire life Salesmen aren't supposed to be mean I don't, why did Why did you come in mean? You're supposed to like, if you want to sell me Something, it seems like you would come in nicely You don't know anything about the magic Of sales Do you, do you Look at me in the eyes and tell me That you do because you can't Because you don't What? You're now hiring Hiring? You're hiring No Put the ad out Go on the web and hire someone I'm not gonna hire anyone I don't make any money from doing the podcast Why do I need to start hiring people? Why do I need a staff? You need to go hire someone But you're gonna start taking notes And you're going to publish them With every episode And you're going to do SEO So do we know what that stands for At this point? It stands for super Excellent Opportunities I'm pretty sure it doesn't stand for that At all, but keep going With your sales bitch Now that you're here and you have me Hostage, you might as well just get it All out By the way How did you get here? How did you get here? How did you get in here? I come to doors I come to doors and they're closed I come to doors and they're locked And I kick those doors open And I give myself Super excellent opportunities Because I am made of S-E-O Something that you clearly don't understand You come to a locked door And you start to cry I don't start to cry When I come to a locked door I might get my keys out I might knock I might push the door about me But I don't cry Unless you're talking about that one time That I went to the ice cream shop And it clearly said that it was open And that the doors were locked And I could see people inside And they wouldn't let me in to eat ice cream Is that what you're talking about? That is not what I am talking about You're going to hire someone to also Along with your notes Along with your S-E-O To make new graphics New images For your videos For every single show You're going to have to hire people To distribute your podcast Around the world To all the ears that will listen to it An ad salesman will be hired as well What? You're going to need an office manager How many people are you expecting me to hire? I can't afford this I can't even afford one person Let alone like the five or six people That you just mentioned This podcast is just about friends Getting together and hanging out Alright? If it takes off one day, great But if it doesn't, totally fine Alright? I mean, I can't I'm not going to hire like a whole So you're saying I need To make show notes Which, okay, all these things are actually I've read are good ideas But show notes New graphics for every episode Get into podcast directorates That was something that you mentioned Kind of, I guess Yes And then the office manager Which I don't really I don't really know how that helps Or what that's for Do you even have a contest, Maven? Who does all your contests? Do you even do contests? Do you have merch? Do you do any of these things? How do you expect people to find you And listen to your podcast If you haven't even done any? Do you have a social Engineering team? A development arm Of your podcast? An application? You have nothing You don't even have a cleaning crew Down here, do you? I don't have a cleaning crew And your voice just kind of changed To European somehow I don't I was all happy at the beginning of the day And now I'm finding out all these things That I don't have And I was happy before I realized I didn't have them But now I'm like, oh, jeez I need to have all these things To make my podcast the best podcast it can possibly be You still haven't told me your name My name is on my business card Which I have put in front of you ten minutes ago Before you even started yammering on I put it on top of the pile of papers Which are your contract Now hold on, hold on, hold on One second here Did I hear the word contract bump a car? Yeah, Rufus, help Uh-huh Yeah Now who is this gentleman here on this, uh I don't know his name Dom suit suit That he's wearing in my establishment Until here You listen here to me, sir You have no idea Who you are You have no idea Who you are messing with I am podcasts I am the one I am the person Who is going to take this podcast To the stars And I am also going to take it away If he doesn't listen So, Rufus, really quickly Just to catch you up This guy just came in while I was about to record the podcast And he started making all these threats And saying I was doing everything wrong with the podcast He wants me to hire a whole team of people Which you know I can't do Because you have all my friends And all my money in your back pocket And I need help, please You're not allowed to carry your money around Because you get it stuck to the bubble gum And then it's all stuck together And we can't use it anymore Do you remember that? How much money we've lost over the years, Bumpercar? A lot of it A lot of it Exactly So, anyway, sir Again, let me just look at your car Your name is Sal Salesman? That's your name? Huh Well, I'm Rufus T. Rufus And I am the legal counsel for the Bumpercar Club Bumper podcast and headquarters And Coffee Can Alley Impromptu, impromptu And so I would appreciate if you'd stop harassing and haranguing my client It's inappropriate It's uncalled for And it's unnecessary We've got this podcast under wraps and under control And so I'm gonna ask you Not once, not twice But zero times To please exsort the room Get out with yourself It's very interesting that you've looked at my car Because what you don't understand is that Common new business practices are It's a trap Just by lifting my card up You have signed the contract, Rufus T. Rufus And so now I am the lawyer I am the SEO maven I am the contract contractual I, Sal Salesman Own this account and everything involved with it And so moving forward my lawyer friend You are the one who will be leaving You are the one who no longer belongs here No Good day, sir Rufus I say, good day No, Rufus, what are you just walking away for? Don't worry, Bumpercar I got this I've been down before I've been down before I've been down before But I am not out I will figure this out And I will be back I promise you This Sal Salesman, he's no lawyer He doesn't understand the law What he understands is money And taking money away from people And that's not what I'm about Rufus I will return Oh Natty, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig What are you crying about? Why, like, this time? I mean, is that why they're all Hey! Sal Salesman, you came Good to see you Yes, I came and I saw And I took over I now run this show, Aloysius So thank you for the invitation I very much appreciate it It'll be good working with you again Wait a minute Big twist Aloysius, you're the one who brought this Sal Salesman into the show And you've worked with him before? I thought you and I And especially I thought you and Rufus, T. Rufus, were friends How could you do this to Rufus? Hold on, we're good Everything's fine, everything's okay Sal, I think you're just gonna work in concert with Rufus, right? No, Sal, this is a tiny pond And there's only room for one shark here And that shark's name is Sal Salesman And so, no more room

    Aloysius J. Pig: What have I done? Oh, no, Rufus! Rufus, I gotta go catch him Bumper car, you gotta figure this out Rufus!

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, um, I'm so confused right now But you listen to me, Sal Salesman Other people have come into this show and tried to take it over And they've failed every single time And I don't really know who you are or what you're about Well, wait a minute The one that really tried to take it over was Rufus, T. Rufus And he did have a lot of control in the end Huh I mean We're gonna fight you the whole way But I can't promise you that we're gonna win And that this isn't your show now And, ah, I'm not really good at these speeches But next week we're gonna figure this out I promise you, Sal Salesman Indeed we shall Indeed we shall Oh Oh Oh

    Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation Executive producer, Frank Hablawi This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network Is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No-Derivatives License Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it For more information, visit non-productive.com

    Aloysius J. Pig: For more information, visit non-productive.com For more information, visit non-productive.com