“News” is a side-splitting episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the wacky town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig engage in a series of humorous tangents as they attempt to discuss some exciting news. As they get sidetracked by everything from current events to bizarre hypothetical scenarios, the gang’s banter becomes increasingly absurd and comical.
Despite the numerous distractions, the gang eventually receives the exciting news they were waiting for, leading to even more hilarity and unpredictable twists. With its quick wit, playful banter, and unexpected punchlines, “News” is a prime example of the Bumperpodcast’s ability to create unforgettable improvised comedy. The show celebrates the art of improvisation, and this episode is a testament to the cast’s comedic talent.
Listeners will be entertained from beginning to end, as the gang navigates their way through the absurdity of Coffee-Can Alley with humor and grace. “News” is a must-listen for anyone looking for a good laugh and a break from the mundane.
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Natty Bumpercar 0:00
For you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys. You guys. You guys. You guys.
Aloysius J. Pig 0:07
What is it Bumpercar What’s so excited about what you’ve seen he came in really hot, you seem very excited I am I’m super excited. But I’m also
really bothered just nippy, I didn’t do what you are super excited about. But maybe you want to tell us because your team very happy
Natty Bumpercar 0:23
I am producer but the house will have a problem I have I have something that I’m super excited about. But then I also have something that I’m kind of frustrated and bothered about. So which one do you want first?
Rufus T. Rufus 0:33
Well, not here as your lawyer. I recommend that we’re gonna get the bad news out of the way first, and then we can end on the high note. Because you know, that’s what I think it’s a better way to do business.
Aloysius J. Pig 0:49
You know, Rufus has a point because I always said you’re just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down into that same way that CRD it opposite roofers, that when you get the good news fires, and then it softens the blow of the of the of the bad nose. So I don’t know, I guess we’re of two minds,
or two seems like a lot of sugar that you’re taking a whole spoonful, it’s going to definitely go over your daily requirements of sugar. So yeah, that seems like it’s a bad equation. You know, if you’ve got to take your medicine, you just kind of let it go medicine, you don’t have to be taking all of it. Sugar as well. And you know, they say if you’re sick, you don’t want to be taking a lot of sugar.
Natty Bumpercar 1:31
Okay, yeah. Well, that’s, that’s that’s a good point. I you know, I Rufus, I see what you’re saying, you know, bad news, get it out of the way. Good news. And on a high note, pig, I see what you’re saying. Also, the good news is going to ease you into the bad news. And, and and producer, I think you’re right. I think that probably too much sugar isn’t really going to help if someone is sick. And you know, what kind of medicine is it that we’re taking that you’re going to need a spoonful of sugar? And is it just a spoonful of sugar? And then is it a spoonful of medicine? Because that one to one ratio is just not going to be good? I’m gonna have to reach like, if you ever tried to eat a spoonful of sugar, it is not easy
Rufus T. Rufus 2:16
at all. Now not as your lawyer it’s me. Hi, everyone. It’s Rufus here. We are not a medical advice. No. And so I’m hesitant for you to be out here with your equations and your representations. And your I don’t know you’re just kind of spewing some medical advice and I don’t think we’re comfortable and number one be telling you Okay, so watch ourselves a little bit here. i So, what we will do is everyone please ignore nine, the sugar medicine that was that was previously discussed on this bar now. Okay. And I think we may not it will just move forward with whatever your big news is or whatever. Okay, okay.
Natty Bumpercar 3:08
Okay. Totally makes sense. Totally agree. Yeah, I don’t really think we were giving medical advice, but you are the lawyer so I will listen to you. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I have two numbers. In my head. Pig. I’m gonna let you count the numbers that
Aloysius J. Pig 3:24
are between 711 Seven left seven.
Natty Bumpercar 3:27
You went a little too fast there. I didn’t tell you what they were in between. So pickle is in a pickle. No, that’s also that’s actually not even a number. That’s it’s yeah,
Aloysius J. Pig 3:37
it’s delicious. Are you gonna agree that pickles are wonderful. You get sweet pickles? You got sour pickles? You could sometimes I spicy pickle. I mean pickles. Really? They could they run the gamut of different kinds of I don’t know if they what are they called? They’re not condiments are not side items. What does it pick up? Exactly?
Rufus T. Rufus 3:54
I think that the word you’re looking for as a contract ma I think what you’re looking for is kind of a flourish you know on a plate. I think a pickle is one of those things. It’s an add on the just elevates your meal a little bit. Let’s say I’m having a butter sandwich which is of course delicious. You take your bread and you put your butter on and then you sprinkle a little a little sugar and the
sugar there. Yeah. A lot of sugar.
Rufus T. Rufus 4:27
We’ve been sponsored by big sugar this week. Nothing sugar. Did they call him
Natty Bumpercar 4:31
no no excuse. No one called in and watch the microphone. You just ran into it? No, but first off I’ve never had a butter sandwich. That sounds great. It sounds really great. But so it’s it’s it’s it’s bread and butter and then sugar and then more bread. Yeah, that just I I don’t see any nutritional value coming Any any of that? Really? Yeah. And
Aloysius J. Pig 5:01
I’m wondering, what is real fish with a woody giving you this butter sandwich with the sugar before they were giving you some sort of medicine? Just a sandwich and helps that. And with I don’t know what I was doing there Yeah,
Rufus T. Rufus 5:23
you will you would be ruining the whole day we were here we were talking about butter sandwiches. It’s a delicious treat. And we were talking about pickles, and I finally figured out what they are the Okay, just don’t worry.
Natty Bumpercar 5:39
Don’t worry about it. Cool. I don’t want to talk about pickles anymore.
Hold on one second that they pickled is actually a cucumber then. So it’s like you magically you take the cucumber, and you just have to do some I don’t know things to it, and then it becomes a little bit of a pickle.
Aloysius J. Pig 5:57
Everybody knows what a pickle is?
Not a yes or no, no.
Aloysius J. Pig 6:03
Why don’t produce Why don’t you go back behind the board. You’ve done a lot of talking done today’s episode. And you just handle the buttons and knobs and the tubes and the wires and everything back there. And oh, come on pump like I was you know, yeah, we’re like 17 minutes into we’re not we’re not and I finally I’m ready. I’m actually what it is, is I’m not ready for the news. But I’m just done with this whole thing. Whoa. And so I’m ready to be done. Okay, if that’s okay, yeah, that’s
Natty Bumpercar 6:30
totally fine and totally understandable and totally acceptable. So, here’s the news. The good news, and it’s pretty phenomenal, I think, is that the bumper podcast just past 80,000 listens in the time that 80,000 listeners to this podcast since we started.
Rufus T. Rufus 6:54
A lawyer here. Let me just get some papers out here are 80,000 I feel like we have reached some sort of out here. We have a contract threshold here and the contract. Yeah. Yeah. At 8000 and every 20,004. After that. We are on to receive a PayPal.
Aloysius J. Pig 7:19
So we get paid.
Rufus T. Rufus 7:23
A percentage, I think. I suppose I can circle up and I’m gonna come back on this if you don’t mind, because my list is wonderful news. Congratulations to everyone. Yeah, good job. We should have some sort of a party, maybe get some sandwiches and put some pickles.
Aloysius J. Pig 7:43
Don’t come Don’t do that to him rule for you. Wow, good job. Bomberger. Everyone is super thrilled at the bumper podcast, it’s been listened to over 80,000 times. That’s amazing. And we’re why like 430 episodes in 12 years, can somebody do the math and tell me like, What is that like eight listens per episode? Like two, two lessons per year? Like what is it a good number I don’t even know allergies.
I know, I’m not supposed to talk, but I respect her crunching some numbers and I came up with this. So 430 episodes, it means divided by, well, you have 280 1000 divided by 430. And it comes up to like 187 episodes. Okay. And then if you think there’ll be deeper
Rufus T. Rufus 8:34
now, it was a one second I don’t I don’t mean to interrupt, because these wonderful numbers you’ve come up with. But I was wondering, can you make some sort of spreadsheet with some sort of shot? Maybe a bar chart? Maybe it’s a good idea? I don’t know. Maybe it’s some sort of a pie chart or something.
Natty Bumpercar 8:51
Now you now you’re talking I did not enjoy the reference to the pickle party. But I very much enjoy the reference to a pie chart because I think you all know I love a good pie. Yeah, I
Aloysius J. Pig 9:03
mean, how could you not pie pie pies? Pies. Good. Because you can have a sweet pie. You can do like an apple. Or like Apple rhubarb or strawberry rhubarb. A little berry is another good pie.
Rufus T. Rufus 9:19
I mean, you can do a Marang also, you can do like lemon Marang you can I mean there’s so many options for pie.
You know, was one of the talks about the numbers but nothing we’re talking about bias. You can have sweet pies you can have savory pies, which are just delicious. You know, you can have like a good dumpling kind of pie. Or you can have a minced pie I don’t know really what that is. You can have a Thanksgiving pie
Natty Bumpercar 9:49
weird Turkey you didn’t show up for the Thanksgiving episode you forgot to come I guess. But now you just appear when when when when producer mentioned A Thanksgiving pie I
completely understand and you know, I was not going to be in tentative, I was just going to go over the numbers, and we were talking about pies. And then I got a little bit over my skis. But really quickly, I just wanted to tell everybody, so if you take the numbers or 800,000, I think we’ve been doing this or something like 12 years, and you divide the 8000 by 12 years, you come up with how many episodes are no Debbie, listen to? You don’t think of that.
Natty Bumpercar 10:39
Yeah, that sounds like yes, I would very much like to hear that. I mean, it’s not going to be super representative, because I’m sure as less listens in the beginning that maybe it is now but yeah, tell us what, how what that number breaks down.
Okay, with everyone from freaking the one out but if you divide 1000 by 12, you know, the year, it comes up to 6,666.66666?
Rufus T. Rufus 11:05
Nope, you’re gonna we’re gonna either than we we’ve been doing it shorter or longer, because that number is not acceptable. And that is the good news was the 80,000. That’s the bad news. And is that we just does this doesn’t seem acceptable to me at all. Bad luck home in Canada
Natty Bumpercar 11:20
number. No, it has nothing to do with the bad news that I think that that number is totally random. And you know, we’d have to go back and look at see when we actually started and everything because I don’t really no, but no, don’t let, let’s let’s not freak out about that. We’ll just say it was around 6500 per year, roughly. And then that feels a lot better. I agree. But no, no, no, no, that’s this is all great news. This is all the good news. Good news. 80,000 listens way to go. Bumper podcast. Thank you so much bumper podcast, good tears. You know, we’ve been on the non pro network. We’ve been on the shining wizards. Podcast Network. We’re currently on Radio Free Montclair. So it’s great. We’re doing things. I appreciate it. But we also have some bad news. I think we have time that I should probably talk about
Aloysius J. Pig 12:11
that. Yeah, you should probably get to it. What is the what is the bad news?
Natty Bumpercar 12:14
Well, the bad news is I don’t know if you listen to the last week’s episode, but that guy still has all of our equipment and so we haven’t even been recording this. I’ve this is just a brick that I put in front of you all and this isn’t really an episode. This was we didn’t have an episode this week, right.
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Every week, Natty Bumpercar presents a few ounces of ridiculousness with a dash or two of stupefaction. It's totes banoo!