There is nothing more rewarding or more likely to make me bananas than having the opportunity to coach my kid’s teams.

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Natty Bumpercar 0:04
Let’s talk about coaching. Let’s talk about being a coach and the expectations of being a coach. Hi, everybody, it’s me Natty Bumpercar. The bumper podcast. And I have been honored to I was the coach of my kids basketball team. And I had never played basketball. So that one was a little bit challenging. But I know enough about basketball that I could kind of, you know, wing it a little bit. But then the opportunity came up to coach his soccer team. And I played soccer, most of my life from growing up up until I think, junior year of high school or so. And loved it, loved it to pieces. And so when I found out they were looking for soccer coaches, I was like, Yeah, sign me up, you know. And it’s funny, because, you know, the organization, I wasn’t given any information, it was just like, sure your coach, show up. And I was like, okay, I can do that. And so I show I showed up the first day, and I got my team. There, the great team, great ghosts, was what is when I call them, I made a little I was like, You guys are the great ghosts. And they were like, okay, and then one kid was like, I want to be a great goose. And I was like, fine, I don’t, whatever, that’s great. And I had to learn all of their names, I made him stand in a line. And I because I think it’s important, right? That these are these are you want them to feel, you know, like, they’re part of the team, like they belong, like they have their own identity. And so they went through their names. And and whenever anyone would say their name, I would say, All right, everybody say hello to Tom, there’s no tom, but I’m not gonna give you the kids names, because that would be untoward. But you know, and so then they would all introduce themselves. And then we kind of found out, you know, who was in third grade? Who’s in fourth grade? And do you go to this school? Do you go to that school, just to kind of, you know, establish who everyone was, and try to build a tiny report. And the time that I had. Now, the first week was was was bananas, because we had two practices and three games within the span of seven days. So it was like, Hey, you’re not playing soccer. And then all of a sudden, it was like, hey, guess what, you’re doing soccer every single day of your life. And it was hard because the kids were getting very frustrated and tired. You know, because they’re running around, they’re playing hard. And, and when it’s almost every day, there’s just no break. So they don’t get a chance to, to kind of come up, come back, relax, whatever. But the thing is, is we’ve, it’s great. It’s great fun. And I the reason I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice, but it’s a little bit raspy is because I basically scream, and from the time the game has started, maybe even a little bit before until the game has ended. And it’s not because I’m angry. It’s I am out there. And I, I really take a lot on like, I feel a real responsibility to, to get these kids to learn and to motivate them and to try to get them into spots where they can best, you know, have the chance for success. And it’s difficult. I’m not I’m not gonna lie, like, it’s I last night, I was like, Oh, this is like herding kittens, because it’s always a fun phrase. I’ve always enjoyed that phrase, herding kittens. And I always like when someone’s like, Why are you hurting kittens? And I’m like, no, no one’s hurting kittens. I’m hurting them hurting hurting them. What do you mean by that? You know, like, trying to get big herd of kittens through the Valley into the into the pasture, the gated pasture. So they can they can I don’t know play with butterflies or whatever. Ah, so are the kittens being hurt then? Oh, no. We’re gonna play with butterflies relax.

But, you know, because I’ll be on the sideline. And I’m like, you know, I have to give them all their position positions. Oh, I have a weird thing that just happened. I give them all their positions. You know, you’re gonna be my striker, you’re gonna be my, my stopper which is what I call the, the the middle defense person. You’re my left fullback, you’re my rightful way which which which way is which way is left coach, this is well this is this is your left and and so you’re just gonna go back there to the where I’m pointing where I go coach, again, I want you to go back to that corner right where I’m pointing. Why aren’t you going? Hey, could you please just go? Yes, no you Why are you coming off the field? Why why failed, I need you to go back to your spot coats my shoes untied get over here, let’s tie your shoe real quick like this is it’s a real constant flow of, of me trying to get them to stay focused on the game, get into their spots and and do what they’re supposed to do, but also to try to learn and have fun. So it’s a real, real balancing act that I’m going through. And it’s also difficult because, you know, there’s there’s some kids that are more advanced, and they kind of want to take over the game. But this is a recreation league. And so this is a developmental league. And so I’m constantly, I’m like, hey, you know, let that kid take the kick, or let that kid take the throw in? Because, you know, you’re Yes, you are really good at it. But I need other I need everybody to learn how to be good at it because we’re a team. And, you know, a lot. So a couple of games ago, we were playing it was actually on a on a on a baseball field. And so you know, part of it is, is dirt like that baseball field, dirt, whatever that stuff is. And then grass. And I’m looking down at one end of the field, we’re we’re our we have our offense as the ball, and they’re getting it, they’re gonna go oh, wait, no, the ball is coming back our way. So I have to turn. And I have to get my defense ready. And so I was like Dave, and then I stopped because one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into the making like a little funnel with his other hand, and then trying to catch it. The dirt as it was coming through the funnel on the bottom. And he was doing this back and forth. And I was like, like podcasts stand up. And then I looked at the other side of the field and there was a kid picking grass off in us. And so there’s there’s a lot of me of me yelling. And the fun thing is, is when I’m yelling, what are you doing, please stand up. Here comes the ball. It usually doesn’t register until I’ve I’ve yelled the person’s name four or 567 times. And the difficult thing with that is that there are kids who are very competitive and who take the games very seriously a lot more seriously. Than, you know, the the grass pickers or there’s we have kids who dance on the field, which is wonderful. But you know, maybe not the exact right time. And the kids who are taking a lot more seriously. You know, they’ll start yelling at their teammates. And I’m like, no, no, no, no. So then I have to pull them off. And I’m like, Listen, I’m the coach. That’s my job. I’ll do the yelling. You I need you to focus on playing the game. It’s it’s really it’s it’s a lot I we had a game recently. And we didn’t have enough for substitutions, we only had eight people. And so we have a we have our striker, and then our three mids and then our three, defense and then our goalie right so everybody that I had was on the field playing and the ball was again, the offense had the ball there, they’re making a move on the other side of the field. They’re going to oh wait, here comes the ball is coming back quick defense. And so this time, it wasn’t people picking grass and scooping dirt. My goalie was just sitting in the goal. Like he was just and so I yelled his name. I was like saying what a stand up state. And I kept yelling his name. And for like 15 seconds I’m screaming his name and um, and he finally looks over he goes my shoes untied. And I was like, ah carried by you’re, like I told I said you’re my goalie. The ball is right, come on. And I’m just like screaming like this child, too. You know, because when I

listen, I’m a coach. These are kids. They’re learning. They’re far away from me. So I have to yell. But I think it’s what’s important is the context and how I’m yelling. I’m not saying like, you’re a bad person, because you’re not doing what I’m asking. I’m just saying like, hey, I need you to lie side. Right. And, you know, I’ve really noticed as the season has gone on that, it seems to motivate them. Now this John, I was like I said, I don’t care about your shows. You’re my goalie. I care about my goal, right? I because I really wanted to impress upon him how much I was worried about the ball going in the in the goal. And so then I had to run around after the ball was back down the other side of the field. And I went, I was like, Hey, Are your shoes, okay? Everything, okay? He’s like, Yeah, and I was like, Hey, I wasn’t yelling at you. I just wanted you to stand up. Because you’re my, you’re my goalie. You’re my goalie, you know? And he was like, Yeah, I know, Coach. I know. I was like, you’re good, right? He’s like, Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. I was like, okay, cool. Cool. Cool. And then, later in the game, we had a different goalie. And he made a nice save, he stopped the ball from going into the net. Phenomenal. i Yeah, good save. And I say I’m clapping, you know. And then he’s got the ball in his hand. And then he just starts throwing it up in the air. Like, he was so happy that he ended, he was like, I’m gonna just throw this ball up in the air. And I was like, Stop throwing shot, there was a ball. Like, you can’t just he’s like just tossing with himself, like, Hey, I’m, I’m throwing the ball here. And after the game was when I finally got a chance to talk to him, I was like, Hey, you did a great job and go, but please don’t ever, like throw the ball up in the air like that again. And he was like, why? And I was like, well, think of it this way. It’s raining out. It’s wet. Just imagine I said, and who knows, it might never happen. But maybe if it does, just imagine that you’re throwing the ball, and it bounces off your hand, it slips, whatever happens. And it rolls into the goal, what would happen? He’s like, Oh, they would they would get a goal. And I was like, yeah, and how would that make you feel? And he’s like, terrible. And I was like, yes. I’m trying to avoid you feeling terrible, because I want everyone to be happy all the time. Because that’s, you know, we’re always gonna have fun. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. But I feel like it’s my job as a as a coach, to make it as enjoyable as possible so that if these kids want to move on with this, that they’ll do it.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

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The Natty Bumpercar Bumperpodcast
The Natty Bumpercar Bumperpodcast
Natty Bumpercar

Every week, Natty Bumpercar presents a few ounces of ridiculousness with a dash or two of stupefaction. It's totes banoo!