Misery is my mistress and she has a hold on my heart.

I have been giddy about the iphone since I got a first generation ipod and decided in my head that it would one day make a nifty phone. When the actual device was announced a year and a half ago – my giddiness grew exponentially. I even made a cartoon about it . . .

Being the wizard of finance that I am – I decided to hoard apple gift cards until my cell phone contract had expired. This was a move that pushed me directly into the “wait for the second generation” window.

When the 3g model was announced – which came out on my birthday no less – I knew that it had to be mine. I had waited all that time – I had the gift cards – and the whole birthday thing . . . it was a match made in retail heaven.

I couldn’t even really sleep the night before and am not in the least bit ashamed to tell you that anytime that I did fall asleep – I was greeted with dreams starring iphones in various guises. In one dream – the iphones were dancing about. They seemed very well practiced. I can’t remember a more sleepless night for the sake of buying something – or christmas morning – or whatever in my life – and am happy that I still have the capacity for such reckless dorkiness.

When I got to the mall at 6:45 am – I was amazed at how many people were there – but didn’t mind as I had a book, a blueberry scone and a chai tea latte. The day took it hard to the nose at 7:15 am when a little bird called alarmed that she had been locked in her cage. I had to leave the line – drive home – unlock the cage – walk around the world with Socks – and then get back to the line as quick as a flash of light in a tin can – which by-the-by is pretty quick.

I got back to the mall at 8:30 am and almost did an immediate about face when I saw that there were a couple of hundred more people in the line. Then – I saw the woman that was sitting behind me – and I decided that I was going to do something that I have tried to get better at not doing . . . I would have a conversation. Here is how it went.
“Excuse me miss.”
“Yes”
“Do you – by any chance remember me? I was sitting in front of you earlier.”
“No. I’m sorry I don’t.”
“We were sitting over there. You got here at about 6:55 am or so.”
“No. I don’t think that I have ever seen you . . .”
“Alright.” (and this is where I got weird) “Your daughter (who was gone at this point) was wearing green shorts, had curly hair and you had a conversation with her about how she should text you because your cell phone battery was running out . . .”
Stunned (and probably horrified) – she looked at me and said that I needed to ask the kid behind her if it was okay. The kid could care less – and I was back in my place in line with only the tiniest bit of awkwardness extended.

I got the phones one for me and one for the little bird (we are a family) and everything went pretty well. Here is where the heartbreak comes into play. I get no reception. I drop calls all over the place. If I turn the 3g part of the phone on – I get no bars. If I turn the 3g off – I get up to 3 bars that mock me – because I know that if I trust them and try to take a call – then they will just pull the rug out from under me and waggle the “No Service” sign under my nose.

I love the phone. I love how it syncs up to my computer with my calendars and photos and music. The app store is a jolly good time – and now that I have figured out the ins and outs of the battery life – that isn’t even a terrible issue. But what is the point of having a phone if it isn’t even a phone?!

I have joined forums talking about the problem – and tried the little tricks that people swear by (“toggle off airplane mode!”) and have even swapped out my sim card, restored the phone and had at&t run a diagnostic test on the little bugger. All to no avail. My next step is to go to the apple store tomorrow – switch this one out – in hopes that something will change – and go from their.

Oh pancakes (my iphones name) you are indeed a cruel lover . . .