Tag: mystery

Bumperpodcast #434 – Season 3 – Believe

Step into the comedic chaos of Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, an uproarious improvised comedy podcast that keeps listeners in stitches. In this ridiculous episode, the gang, including Santa, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle, finds themselves in a rib-tickling predicament—Natty is nowhere to be found! The episode unfolds with unexpected twists and turns, showcasing the cast’s penchant for tomfoolery.

Listeners are in for a treat as the search for Natty takes the gang through the whimsical landscapes of Coffee-Can Alley, filled with laughter and merriment. Whether you’re a long-time fan or a newcomer, this episode of the Bumperpodcast is a delightful journey into the world of improvised comedy, where every moment is as unpredictable as it is uproarious. Don’t miss out on the laughter; tune in to discover the comedic magic that unfolds when Santa and the gang wonder, “Where is Natty?” in this entertaining installment of the Bumperpodcast.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

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About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, the gang discovers that host Natty Bumpercar has been mysteriously absent for months. Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Santa Claus, Aloysius J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle gather to figure out where Natty has gone, as his usual August vacation has extended far longer than expected. The episode features chaotic moments including Doodle Poodle's persistent doodle pitches, an obscene phone call that terrifies Santa, Turkey's brief unwelcome appearance, and Producer accidentally calling the show the "Pump Cast." Just when the group seems stumped, Natty finally arrives with promises of a crazy story to explain his absence.

Memorable Quotes

“Every year it seems to be the same thing, he goes on vacation around August and then he just disappears and this year it's particularly long.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I like to listen to podcasts and this happens to be one that is in my feed and I can't seem to delete.”
— Santa Claus

“I was trying to say bumper podcast but for some reason it just came out the perkard cast… the pump cast.”
— Producer

Topics: #missinghost #mystery #chaos #phonecalls #friendship #podcasting #comedy #reunion

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Turkey, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: you know that's that is what i am saying is every year it seems to be the same thing he he around august he goes on vacation and then he just disappears and this year it's particularly long and you know i've got people saying well where's natty natty bumper car who where did he go you know and i don't know what to tell them so yeah i don't know but that's the thing is you see saying uh i we ain't seen him in like a few months and and so it becomes difficult for us too because normally producer won't turn on the podcast equipment without bumper car here because i don't know i guess he got in trouble or whatever no no that's not what it is i didn't get in trouble it's just we have a sign-up sheet it's been there for years and no one ever puts their name on it if you put your name on the sign-up sheet then you can come in and you can record the bump cast you did you just say pump cast what is what is the pump cast is that a new thing that i haven't heard of hello everybody it's me uh rufus to rufus now if i'm hearing proper we have a new show it's title the pump cast now i don't know what it's about necessarily santa how you doing it's good to see you aloysius as always i just know i was trying to say bumper podcast but for some reason it just came out the perkard cast i don't know whatever you say i say i don't know you know i'm behind the scenes i'm just a producer so sometimes it's hard for me to you know get on the mic and talk especially when we haven't done it in so long all right all right relax producer all right you know we were it's fine whatever you said we were just we were just having a little fun all right we're in a little bit of an uncomfortable weird situation here and i think we're all just trying to uh figure out what our

Doodle Poodle: next step is you know hi everybody it's me doodle poodle i think i have a great idea for maybe something that we can do no all right that's fine but you're missing out on all the fun anyone want to take i guess

Rufus T. Rufus: i'll handle this one everybody you're gonna doodle all right that's what you say every time your name is doodle poodle and you come in and you say hey everybody let's make a doodle or like i just made a doodle and then you bark a little bit and then you kind of just disappear you know we all we get it all right doodle poodle but we let we're talking right now we're trying to figure a few things out okay so just you go and do your thing all right i was just gonna say that i was gonna doodle all right everyone don't worry i've turned the microphone off to the poodle boy man over there and we can now get back through the business square one we're going to blue sky a few things maybe you know just uh chitter chatter just kind of see what sticks to the board whatever you know what this real business type stuff really gonna be really serious about everything yes well as i was saying you know i i flew down from the north pole just to check in because you know i go around the world all the time and i i like to listen to podcasts and this happens to be one that you know is in my feed and i can't seem to delete and so i just listen to it all the time but it's it's been empty it hasn't been no updates there's been nothing at all and you know i i i i know natty and i felt like it was important for me just to come and check in and evidently none of you know where he is either yeah i mean when you came in i was like oh this is gonna solve it this is gonna we're gonna solve it and i'm gonna solve it and i'm gonna solve it and to figure it out i mean because usually okay like you said august bumper guy he goes away on vacation he comes back he's all like loosey-goosey look at me i got some sun and you know he takes a couple of weeks off fine fine we've been doing that for a decade now but usually september bing bang boom he's back in but i i what are we in now well now as i understand it i don't have a calendar on me but i think we're right in the middle of rocktober what did he say he said rocktober you know that that's not even a month is it no it's not i'm sorry no i don't know if i blame natty for leaving here wait a minute oh you know we we make a little fun sometimes we say the wrong month but we're pretty okay nice okay people so okay you know sometimes speak for yourself uh so let's let's reset here let's i listen to a podcast and they kept every episode they're like okay point a point b point c and then the next episode they're like well you remember we talked about point a point b and point c and in the next episode they're like we're gonna do a deeper dive on point a and if we get a chance talk a little bit about point b and in every single and it's just like could this have been just one episode like yeah could you dad why are you doing a 10 episode episode podcast when you're saying the same thing over and over and over like and sometimes they say the same thing but they just change a word or two and you're just like what are we doing you know i got i got other things i can be doing i can i could be doing a saduko or a crossword well you know whatever but you know if you only got a couple episodes in you then do that make those two episodes phenomenal okay oh i got off track yes we're trying to do something here we're i came in haven't heard the podcast in a long time and i i look around no natchy bumper car anywhere that i can find and then you all start traipsing in and none of you seem to know where he is either it's been months since we've heard a a fresh brand new podcast and so that's where we are right now now i gotta say santa that was a mighty fine recap that you just did there you know somebody just tuned in and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry at minute six uh six and a half uh then they're gonna understand exactly where we are in this podcast they're gonna know that uh you came in and then uh you saw that natty bumper car wasn't here and there was no podcast and uh yeah okay i can't remember the rest honestly but i was just having a little fun i'm just having a little fun you just ran out of steam there i mean i you know i gotta say i gotta give you credit that was pretty good but if anyone does the same joke now you're out i can't do it again but very funny rufus i'm i'm i'm dare i say a little bit impressed what whoa who's that answer the phone answer the phone that could be him i don't see where's the telephone at i can hear the ring but i can't see the telephone where is it at exactly everybody calm down i've got it i've got it uh hello bumper podcast let me try again hello bumper podcast there we go you've got the producer here how may i help you um one second i'm going to put you on hold for just a just one moment um yeah so guys i don't know if you heard that in the speakerphone but it's definitely not natty i don't i don't think you know if i was a betting frog i would say all of my money is gone i'm out of here that is not the natty over there any advice what should i ask questions i don't know who this is maybe you should ask who it is does does that make any sense yeah okay sure does to me all right good call good call hold on hold on uh yes uh sorry to have you on hold um thank you again for calling the bumper podcast this is producer and i have the pleasure of knowing who i am speaking to teacher i can't speak to this person this person maybe is, oh, you know, I should, Santa, you should talk to these persons, because you know all the languages, and you know all this stuff, and you're going to have a good conversation, a good rapport, and you're going to be able to talk. Okay. Hold on. I'm going to put it over to you, and. If you could not, I'd appreciate it. Yes, I understand. Yes. Which I don't want. No, I think you'll do fine. I don't want. Okay, one second. Okay, yes, Bumper Podcast again, producer. Sorry for having you on hold twice in one call. I'm just going to patch you through over to someone who will be able to help you. Yes, hello there. It's me, Santa Claus. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for giving us a call right in the middle of some very important. Oh, I didn't know it was going to be that kind of a show. Is this still a children's show, isn't it? My word. Just hold. What's that? I just have to put you on hold for just one second. Thank you so much for. Yes. Oh, my word. That was absolutely obscene. That was too much for me. I'm sweating a little bit. Can producer have a good idea? If you want to, perhaps you just. Just hang up the phone. That's what you do. I didn't want to say it, but yes. Just go ahead and hang it up. And next. We'll let it go to voicemail. Next time. Okay. I think this is a very good plan that we have. All right. Now, I feel like I can breathe again. As a lawyer, I didn't want to say anything untoward. You were scared, huh? Yes, you are correct. I was terrified of that phone call. I'm not going to lie, Aloysius. You know, on that note, and this is just for everybody else in the room, because I'm fine now, obviously. Can you just maybe just pick up the line? Let's just make sure it's clear. Let's just make sure we get a good dial tone. Okay. It's here. Clean line. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Turkey: Hey everybody. It's me.

Rufus T. Rufus: Ah boy.

Turkey: Hi, Aloysius. Wait, are we all gathered here? To figure out where the bumper podcast has been? Where do all these bumper cars sit? Get out, get out.

Rufus T. Rufus: Get out, get out, get out. Well, try, try again. You don't open it. What if it's Mr. Phone Call? Hello? No, open the door quickly. I believe that to be Natty.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, hey, everybody. I'm so glad you're all here, all together. I'm so sorry that I've been gone for so long and we haven't had any podcast episodes, but holy cow, do I ever have a crazy story to tell you? The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded on the podcast's YouTube channel, and is supported, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial no-derivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

Doodle Poodle: Thank you for listening to the Non-Productive Network.

November 27, 2023
Bumperpodcast #407 – Season 2 – Mystery

Natty is thrilled to be in the studio — and is even more thrilled when a couple of his old pals show up!

The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar.

And – and – and — Natty Bumpercar is now an Ambassador for the Improv channel on Vurbl!! Here is a link to that page: https://vurbl.com/browse/comedy/improv/ go hang out — it’ll be fun!!

Another story about saving baby animals!

A feel good story!

Previous episode!

Podcast: Download | Embed
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Natty Bumpercar 0:03
Well, well. Well, well, well, if it isn’t the bumper broadcast. There’s sirens outside. They’re coming to get me. For what? For not recording a podcast the last couple of weeks I’ve been busy. The holiday season, it’s holiday season it cetera, et cetera.

Rufus T. Rufus 0:28
Is that just gonna? Are you just gonna? You seem like you’re in good spirits, Natalie, but well, you know, what is holiday season? Sorry. It’s already Yeah, I

Natty Bumpercar 0:41
understand. No, Rufus. It’s I’m just happy to be here. And I’m thrilled. And I’m in the bumper barn. And you know what, we’ve made a lot of progress. I would say that we are about six 70% Done with the insulation, which means I can be in here. Well, it’s really I can be in here because it’s like 62 degrees, which in December is weird and scary. And but we’re just gonna roll with it and try to make lemons out of lemonade. Well, that’s not something we can do. Is that so? Is it. A big Do we have a recipe to turn lemons into lemonade? Lemonade? Lemonade in the lemon?

Producer 1:24
No, I don’t I don’t we she’s not here yet for these shots, right? But I don’t know if you need recipe bursting here in the lab where we make the bumper pad case. Okay, here and get quieter. Yep, sorry. I’m not really entirely sure if we have those.

Natty Bumpercar 1:40
You know what, you’re probably right. I usually they’re probably in the kitchen or maybe in the library, but it makes sense that they are not here in the studio because we don’t cook here. So why would we need

Peanut Lou 1:52
to hire me Pina loo? I haven’t been on the podcast. Yo. Yeah, I forgot what I’m supposed to do here. Anybody please tell me what I’m supposed to do on the

Natty Bumpercar 2:05
piano below. knows what’s going on kitty cat man

Spot Elliot 2:16
is going on. It’s me.

Natty Bumpercar 2:22
Yeah, what’s going on? For anyone who doesn’t know because they have not been on the show in a long time. Spot Elliot and peanut Lou. Were cats that I rescued a long time ago and they’re best friends. And they’re so sweet. And I love them to pieces.

Peanut Lou 2:39
So so so so so buttons we I keep wanting to find who I see you.

Rufus T. Rufus 2:49
You know it? I love talking to new people who has it? Who is it? I’m so excited. Why are you why are you so you’re very amped on this episode. Now there were two almost three minutes in it if your energy is F is too much if I’m to be honest, let’s Can we just tamp it down a little bit fine.

Producer 3:06
I was going to say something but you know cuz I’m producing the whole show. So my name is on the credit in so yeah, this it really impacts me if you are acting the little looky loo and you’re going out and people are like our producers on that chair. I don’t know if I want to hire him. And I’m like, oh, please hire me because just don’t ignore the horse. If you could just focus on the engineering but the producing

Unknown Speaker 3:32
anyway, so he special guest Okay, hold on. Here we go.

Santa 3:37
Well, Lou, it’s wonderful to see. I’m so happy to be here on this. DREW. Is everyone been nice to show I’ve been a bit naughty.

Rufus T. Rufus 3:51
I’d like to know you’re saying I don’t like you. And it’s nice to be here. Obviously everyone loves it when Santa Claus comes into town. However, you can’t just come in and immediately start asking people if they have been naughty or they have been nice it’s it’s they have the rights you understand as citizens of the United States of America. And so for you to start implying and infer and that maybe they haven’t been on the ice is a little bit too much

Santa 4:21
Now Rufus ervice it’s wonderful for you to be here. First and foremost, I have a couple of issues or a couple of bones to pick with you if you if you don’t mind. I have been keeping my eye on everyone but you in particular have have certainly caught my eye over the course of a year. What

Natty Bumpercar 4:44
did you do? What did you do? What did you do? Why are you sad? Oh, you’re in trouble. Oh,

Rufus T. Rufus 4:53
no, I will not have the spotlight of injustice turned upon me. As the light is so bright that when you shine it upon me, you will see that I have done nothing incorrect. Nothing, introspect, nothing that you would ever reject. I say to you that I’ve been wonderful this year, everybody knows that you can look at my Yelp reviews, up to a 3.5 star rating. That’s three and a half out of five. So I feel like this year I’ve really turned things around.

Santa 5:31
Of course, you’ve turned things around reviews, but it’s not all about the star ratings and star reviews you understand. It’s about did you help anyone? Were you kind to anyone? Did you give of yourself? Did you did you go out of your way to try to make someone feel better? Did you notice that someone was down and think to yourself, I couldn’t pick them up? I can help them out. Right? Did you do any of these?

Producer 6:02
I didn’t know that this one time that I was in the hallway. And I was working on some wiring systems and Rufus was trying to get through and he did he picked me Oh, okay, so he picked you up. So that’s what you’re talking about? Yes. But then he just moved me to design I don’t know if he’s the type of peeking you’re talking about you actually physically oh boy picked up and kind of he was really tossed to me didn’t really display down he could have just very busy lifted me and then we’re talking about

Santa 6:40
No No, obviously this is not the type of pick me up that we’re talking about when talking about emotionally picking people up when they’re down in despair when they’re in the dumps when they’re sad. This however, this feels like borderline assault if I’m to be completely honest, Rufus. For the moment I feel like you’re not on the nice list. You’re not on any list at all. You’re kind of in between lists if you will. I know most people don’t even realize that but I do have those the naughty list and there’s a nice list but there’s also kind of this in between list that will that we’re gonna sit you upon right now you’re on. You’re on the fence as it were.

Unknown Speaker 7:24
So I’m noticing something kind of strange. Yeah, I’m dying Santa Claus. Santa Wilbur like Well, first

Natty Bumpercar 7:31
off, I noticed that too. Peanut Lou and I it’s kind of strange. Because every time Santa comes in the room, Rufus leaves the room and every time Rufus is in the rooms, waiting, every time Sam is in the room, Rufus leaves the room and every time Rufus is in the room, Santa leaves. Yeah, you guys aren’t ever in the room at the same time right now. No roof is it’s just you what’s going

Rufus T. Rufus 7:55
on? You’re being a bit conspiratorial, and there’s nothing to see. I think you know, Sam is obviously a very busy man. I’m a very busy man myself. We’re in the time of year right now. People need lawyers more than they need. I don’t know fishing the sea or whatever that the phrase is. People need lawyers more than they need a honey bee now that just rhymed. It didn’t make any more sense. I did it people need lawyers more than wool socks. I use the phrase good No, you’re usually better off usually I am. But yeah, no, I’m not.

Natty Bumpercar 8:34
Are you a little You seem like you’re a little bit flustered. Maybe a little bit freaked out is that is what’s going on.

Santa 8:41
Now. Rufus has had to leave the room as he had a lot of things. He had other engagements to take care of. But now I sent him here to talk to everybody. Now, Rufus, I feel like again, you’re on the fence, but I know that you can probably pull it all together. I believe in you and you should also believe in yourself.

Aloysius J. Pig 9:03
Hi, everybody. It’s me Aloysius. JPEGs really weird energy in the room right now. I Santa’s I guess is here. Wow. Spawn le and Vina Lu What’s up kids? You guy What are you doing? Are you bad seniors so long. We’re

Spot Elliot 9:21
just hanging out here. So I used to do I do talk he does sing now what’s right and you give me honest, your voice seems to be a lot deeper.

Peanut Lou 9:32
Yes. He’s got some sort of a Trojan going on how it’s happening. Really? Yeah, he’s your wife. Oh, I do a lot deeper. Yeah, you’re right.

Aloysius J. Pig 9:42
But you sound just like you normally did so I but it’s anyway, it’s splendid to see you guys with an agenda room. Has anybody seen real fast?

Natty Bumpercar 9:50

No, but it’s weird because every time Rufus talks san is not here, and every time Santa talks, Rufus isn’t here. I think there’s something strange going on with your hours

Producer 9:59
so far. Just To say that it totes banoo because you say that this whole situation is taught.

Natty Bumpercar 10:04
Not only what I say it’s totes banoo, but I would say it’s a total mystery

Outro 10:20
the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs in hearts See you soon.

NonPro 11:39
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com
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December 18, 2021
Bumperpodcast #406 – Season 2 – People in the house

Something odd is happening at Headquarters. There are people that no one knows — IN THE HOUSE. The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe
[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-kw54nusa’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-kw54nt8g’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:03 There are people in my house and I don’t know who they are. There are people in my house and I don’t know who they are. There are people in my house and I don’t know who they are. There are people in my house and I don’t know who they are. Rufus T. Rufus 0:25 Oh, no, excuse me, that is just a new song you’re singing? Are there actually people in the domicile that we are not familiar with that we are not have not been properly identified and, you know, checked out and whatnot. And there Natty Bumpercar 0:40 there are people in my house. And I don’t know who they are. Producer 0:45 Okay, hold on one second here, because I’m trying to look over the schedule here to see how you’re supposed to be in the house and the don’t know, there’s no one listed in SA what I’m going to say also don’t mean, I’m not trying to be facetious is that I think that there are some people in the house and maybe we don’t know who they are. Exactly. All Unknown Speaker 1:05 right. Well, now as as a lawyer, I am the closest to a law enforcement officer here. And so I think that means courses that I’m gonna have to go inside and now they they launch people there and I shouldn’t be intimidated. I’m a little bit nervous if I’m to be on. Natty Bumpercar 1:24 There are people in the house and I don’t I don’t know who they are. All right. People in the house. And I don’t know who they are. Producer 1:33 Yes, sir. I’m hearing from you. Nadine, you’re doing a very good job of I think trying to illustrate the situation and to really let us know what’s going on. He said there are so people who are inside of the house right now. And you don’t exactly Rufus T. Rufus 1:50 I’m catching the same drift over here, producer. anybody’s seen piggy Lu ello issues. Maybe he has some insight into the situation. There’s some people in my house and I don’t know who they are. Natty Bumpercar 2:05 There’s people in my house and I don’t know who they are. Producer 2:27 So I’m looking at this is it? I mean, it does look like a parrot. I mean, hmm. This is more of a sketch. I think it’s a doodle. You don’t he didn’t really mean you captured some things on it. But I can’t really tell from your drawing who it is. People might be many information you got maybe names, anything. Doodle Poodle 2:49 I don’t usually draw names. I just kinda like to draw pictures. So no. Rufus T. Rufus 3:03 Yeah, well, yeah, I’m so glad that your name isn’t God dog. Boom, I guess I wouldn’t work as well God because you’re not very good guard dog is what I’m saying. You’re really instincts do not lean towards protecting the house. The moves, look at these drawings. So is everybody here? Alright, it looks like we got two or three. Okay. And it looks like where you have drawn them. This seems to be in the near the foyer. Doodle Poodle 3:37 Say for you Rufus T. Rufus 3:40 know, it’s just you know, as learning different language, different accents, or whatever I say for you. Well, yeah, I understand. You Producer 3:48 know, when I was growing up, we used to say the five years well, he sounded more fancy. He’s like we say, are you going to go through the fire? Yay. You’re going to see the surfer. Read the chaise lounge. You’re going to go past that. Some people say Oh, I go into the Foreo and I got to pass the couch is like come on, man. This is nicer stuff. This is just lounge and this for a year. So Natty Bumpercar 4:16 there’s people in the house right and and and and and and I don’t know who they are. Okay, there’s people Ah, yeah. Inside the house. And and I don’t know I don’t know where they are. No, no. Rufus T. Rufus 4:32 I hesitate to ask this of course. But it’s a sensitive situation but now you’re going a little bit looky loo right now. It does seem and feel a little bit like a little a little loop de loop. People Producer 4:51 they are dry. You know, we all kind of live here in all of our house that kind of nervous about the people you In the currently done, you don’t really even know Rufus T. Rufus 5:04 taking control of the situation the next person or dog or frog anyone who says that phrase is going to be out on the sidewalk taking a break because we understand the whole thing we understand the situation that we’re in. We don’t need to keep repetitively repeating it and one up and repeating the one up and too often, because that’s just too much All right, everybody calm down. We’re gonna figure this situation out. Hey, everybody, it’s me. Aloysius jpg coming in. And why is everybody so freaked out about I can see it on your faces. Holy cow. What did I just walk into? Well, Natty Bumpercar 5:43 so there’s some people who are inside of the house. Right? Who we and we don’t know who they are. Yeah, Rufus T. Rufus 5:50 I’m gonna let that one slide because he elevations did just as exactly what you saw. I understand what just happened there. Oh, yeah. Like, seriously, you guys are freaked out about you don’t know what that is. This is hilarious. I didn’t even realize we were doing a podcast. Like I thought we were done doing it. I mean, I looked at the schedule and it was just like a Halloween we did a show and it’s been like a long time and so I thought that we maybe you guys had just moved on to something else. Like maybe you’re just making NF TS or whatever. I don’t know the bump of pod can NF T’s i don’t i don’t know maybe crypto coins? I don’t know whatever you kids do these days. No but so we’re recording an episode right now Producer 6:31 if you’ve recovered the light over there says on the air that we need to be recording we’re not actually on the air as we’re doing a bad case so we’re on the computer but they didn’t have a light that said on computer you understand I also I thought it’d be very confusing if we did you said on computer because he realized what are we doing on the computer I don’t understand your your recording you’re gone gone computer and it is still a red light or is it just for on air? And so you just really a lot of variables and things to look into for me you know, I’m very busy too. Yeah, so Rufus T. Rufus 7:06 so it has been a long time we’ve been very busy and it’s been chilly. In fact, we’ve been chilly out here in the old bumper barn and we’re still working on getting it insulated and people are not responding to calls and you know hopefully we’ll be able to get in here soon and record or we’re gonna have to move all the equipment back over the into the house with the people on we don’t know Aloysius J. Pig 7:30 ah okay, I guess that makes sense. So anyway the people who already own the house or who you guys don’t know but I think you actually don’t own them. They were just dropping somebody off Doodle Poodle 7:43 three people said I’m curious cuz I made a drawing. And who are they dropping? Rufus T. Rufus 7:49 Let me see that. Drew No no, you missed it totally if you didn’t look down the person they were dropping off I mean I really a person it’s a one he only ladies in case char Natty Bumpercar 7:59 gay Wait a minute, so there were some people inside my house and I didn’t know who they are and the whole time they were just dropping you off Turkey I haven’t seen you in a year this isn’t Sam so happy to see you. Rufus T. Rufus 8:20 Good. So now evidently he can see other things perfect and now this episode can take off for only eight and a half minutes in so now I guess we can just pretend like nothing happened Aloysius J. Pig 8:37 yeah, exactly. It’s a beautiful song that you just saying. It’s a turkey is here of course it’s his yearly tradition to come into our house be on the podcast to well, you know to hide from all the people because it is Thanksgiving and we give him safe refuge. And it’s good good thing we toe every year right and every year you come back you spread the turkey word you let people know about Turkey issues Turkey dealings Turkey whatnot etc Producer 9:15 Oh yeah, yeah, no, he’s not kidding around. I know I’ve read the articles as well if you’ve been really prolific in the last year with your writing and everything it’s it’s it’s almost like poetry you’re not you’re the way you write about these issues is it’s gripping in it really yeah did did pulls on my heartstrings. Yeah, we Natty Bumpercar 9:33 actually we subscribed to all the magazines and everything Turkey because we wanted them and we put up an alert a turkey alert so that we could make sure that anytime you published anything that we could read it because it’s it’s you’re great and we love having you around. I’m so sorry. This episode got off to a strange start and it’s not just because we haven’t been recording a lot lady. It’s just it’s just it’s been a lot Rufus T. Rufus 9:53 not to freak anyone out but I just looked through the window and I saw some people walking around the house and I’m just I’m blown nervous because I don’t know who they are. Oh wait what Natty Bumpercar 10:04 is people asked me know who they are Outro 10:20 the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs in hearts See you soon. NonPro 11:39 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

November 18, 2021
Bumperpodcast #389 – Season 2 – What Happened?

Natty wakes up and is very confused. Then, he offends a ‘not a rock’, then a little dude plays a song. It’s all so confusing. He doesn’t even have a toothbrush …

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this surreal episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds himself mysteriously transported to a strange, post-apocalyptic world with red skies, no familiar landmarks, and dust everywhere. He encounters a cryptic character named Houdet (Doodle Poodle) who warns him to run while singing a catchy but incomprehensible song. Natty also meets Rocky, a sentient being he mistakenly picks up thinking it's a rock, leading to an awkward conversation about identity and survival. As warnings about the ominous "Mr. Mayonnaise" grow more urgent and people apparently hide underground, Natty must decide whether to stay put or search for safety in this bizarre new reality.

Memorable Quotes

“I don't have a jacket I don't have a toothbrush which is very important dental hygiene is very important I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I ain't no rock I'm a living being a living creature you on the other hand are a mythical beast”
— Rocky

“I know less now than I did earlier when I didn't know anything. I know less than anything right now.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #sciencefiction #paralleluniverse #survival #mystery #confusion #post-apocalyptic #mr.mayonnaise

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: I don't even where am I what is happening what year is it why is nothing look familiar I hey everybody I mean I'm talking to myself here this is Natty bumper car and I I don't know where I am this is very weird there's dust everywhere a lot of broken stuff I was going to record a podcast but there's no studio there's no headquarters there's no pig there's no Aloysius oh that's that's a pig there's no Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle there's nobody hello hello all right man I was gonna have a podcast and catch everybody up on on on everything that's been going on but there's no everybody so there's no everything going on like who are you

Doodle Poodle: everybody gotta run before the moon pops before the night comes and if you ever

Natty Bumpercar: um I don't I don't know what just happened um I know I just over modulated which freaks me out um I was here confused and then this little dude thing I don't know creature ran up and then that music started and I'm trying to think what he was saying I heard him say run everybody everybody's got a run I don't know what if there's something I should be afraid of I'm looking around he also trying to remember it's something something story to tell and then things didn't go well and I don't know what the middle words were mysterious turn tyrannical like a terrain tyrannicus tyrannical sores wrecked no okay and then run and then get away and then he ran so I don't even I don't I don't know what's happening hi everybody we're three minutes or so into me being very confused there was a big blue light and now I'm here and there's nobody else except for that little guy I think I don't even I don't even know if it was a guy it was like a kind of robot ish I don't know I guess there's still no comedy shows in the in wherever I am doesn't look like there's any food ha no shelter huh very strange I've got a lot of strange things happening on the bumper podcast and I have to say this is one of the stranger ones looking up at the sky it's kind of red not blue looking around not seeing any real plant life this is not good not good at all I don't have a jacket I don't have a toothbrush which is very important dental hygiene is very important I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today or I was gonna record a podcast and then I was gonna have a dentist appointment but I'm assuming that I missed that because there's no dentist around here a little guy had a really catchy beat like I loved it I hope that I can hear that song again at some point said something about the moon moon pops when the moon pops when Sun I don't know anyway I I'm just standing here talking into a rock at this point hey mister yes hey hey mister can you put me down I'm sorry talking rock that I picked you up because I thought you were a rock I ain't no rock I'm a living being a living creature you on the other hand are a mythical beast what a beast a beast I tell you okay stop saying beast I'm just a person I'm just a bumper car a natty bumper car no maybe you've heard of have not you haven't heard of me heard of you at all but I know that you can't just walk around and pick people up sorry okay true well very rude sorry I guess I am being kind of rude what what is your people call me lucky that's hardly fair people call you Rocky I thought you were a rock my name does not determine what or who I am that's valid okay I mean I'm not a bumper car so you're not a rock rocky cool but you said that people call you Rocky where are these people and there's other people are hiding they're hiding everything that is everything happened and they had to go underground as it work they might come back come back like here like they might come back here like something Sal�� here i i don't think i belong here i think i'm from somewhere else and i don't know how i got here but there was this other little dude who was here who sang a song and something about he said to run i mean he he was who did something something do who day you met who day his name is who day and his name is who day you gotta be listening to him because he knows things that are happening well everywhere that's good to know uh i'll definitely listen to him if he ever comes back his uh song was very catchy uh the words were kind of hard to hear if i'm to be completely honest i'm not being a critic here um but you know maybe easier ways to deliver information write me a note stick a sticky whatever an email that doesn't exist probably uh none just talk you could just talk to me like you're doing we're having a conversation you're having a conversation i'm still mad because you picked me up and you call me a rot but not a rot okay i'm sorry again and i did apologize quite profusely i'm i don't know where i am i don't know anything that's happening the sky is red there's no buildings there's no grass there's no again toothbrush i missed a dentist appointment which means i'm gonna have to pay because i didn't cancel it so they still right they're gonna make me pay which i don't like to pay extra and i don't know where i am and i'm scared i'm honestly i'm pretty scared here comes who day oh oh he's back he's getting closer okay i'm gonna try to figure out what he's saying who's mr mayonnaise oh please mr mayonnaise okay you're saying his name oh story okay he's scared

Doodle Poodle: oh okay

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I heard him say Mr. Mayonnaise. Like, oh, please, oh, please. Okay, so now I'm even more scared, and we should, can we hide? Do you know of a place we can hide? You said there were other people somewhere underground. I'm gone. I'm leaving. Zip. Rocky? He just ran away. He just zipped, and then he was gone. Oh, boy. Okay, so Rocky, Houdet. Mr. Mayonnaise. People underground. Um, I'm, I don't, I know less, I feel, now than I did earlier when I didn't know anything. I know less than anything right now. Huh. Um, what are you supposed to do when you're lost? What are you supposed to, oh, I'm going to sit down right here because I've always been told, that if you get lost somewhere, that you're supposed to just sit in that spot. Like, and maybe the people that you got lost from are going to come and find you in that spot. I guess. Or, you know, I could also walk around and look for someplace safe and someplace where I can hide, and maybe that's a good idea, too, because I don't really want to meet someone named Mr. Mayonnaise. Not today. Not today! Not today!

Producer: Please, share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com. Thanks for listening. If you're interested in learning more, visit us at www.nondashproductive.com. Thank you so much for listening.

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February 11, 2021
Bumperpodcast #388 – Season 2

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A future version of Natty appears and sends the crew into a real mystery. What is the ‘everything that happened before everything happened’? Is Doodle Poodle a seer of the future? And – what is that odd smell?? Stay tuned as we dig in to the what not!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

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Bumperpodcast #388 Season 2

Well we would. What year is this place. What decade. I don’t i don’t. I’m very confused right now. Don’t understand what’s happening very leery. Everything is going very blurry who hi. I’m Aloysius j. pig who you haven’t seen you in a lifetime. It’s been so very very long. Wait a minute. I you Natty bubbas. It’s me. I don osteen yelich show show old in your voice. Sounds on your friend and you kind of smell ovid funding and what. I always just. I was sitting in a cave. The bright lad flashed. I was here. i don’t recognize this place. I recognized you. Of course. But i don’t know when i am old. Okay so when you is is twenty. Twenty twenty twenty one twenty. What twenty twenty one. Twenty two hundred twenty one years you. You’re we’re still in age or accounting the us in one by one. Yeah ervin’s of course we were gonna count the as i don’t mean no same. Come from we count. The is based on quadra dramatic equation variable relations still understand with that we sell a bunch of gibberish and it sounded like you took the biggest words pop the squish them altogether to nine. Now you count us one by one. It’s like twenty twenty twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three tetra. I twenty five twenty four. I don’t know but you know what i’m saying. Like one zero one two one two one. That’s one two one two one two. Guess you talking in code now. Have we every crossed that rubicon talking in code. Now now i ain’t never cross no rubicon that is I always just counted awaited. I count one two one toe. One two set a fine foods. Twenty twenty one. Do you want some water. You have water stills his grasp we got one oh tweet from to sink from the test refrigerator still refrigeration and water in this time wonderful wonderful. I think i’ve i’ve made it back to where. I’m supposed to be back to where i can fix everything before. Everything happens. everything everything happened in. I ain’t understand skew them everybody. It’s myself and myself and myself. Mr rufus t rufus in charge and large and in the room. And say hello to you real soon. So i’m wondering Aloysius j. pig lou. Who just man is right over here. Who is he and why is he in here. What is he talking about fixing any way in any who and how rufus it’s me it’s not a bumper the future. I suppose i’ve been told. I was in a cave cave. There was a very bright light. And i can’t breathe just talking to me. You have your own lawyer representation. Your lawyer from the future of hasn’t were because he can’t just come in here and start spouting and giving me words and spinning yong’s and tell them stories because all of this can be used as a court of law. You understand sir after understand that you all my lawyer you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. you understand. You guided me up until you’re very very end. What are you saying. Rufus rufus t rufus went to someway. I heard that as well. And i’m back in a way little bit here because i sounded a little bit like a threat that sounded a little bit aggressive. If you will. And i of course don’t appreciate a man such a jew telling me anything about all as it were and i think it’s all rufus you know. It’s it’s wonderful to hear your jibber-jabber. It’s been so long it’s been so lonely. I’ve been by myself for a long time with nothing. No one to speak to know under speak of.

It’s been very difficult like it was very difficult. So when you say no one does that. Include like no peixe. What are we talking about. Pig pig to be found neria pig to be heard. It was the worst times now does sound pretty to church it. I’m getting a little uncomfortable. Telling me a little bit more about this cave in which you were was. It’s a regulated caves. Should you have been with. A handrails. Was at slipper. It’s all was the any kind of batson thing and vermins. When i’m asking any kind of dangerous issue because we might be able to build this up into aches against the caves it’d be not a bumper gop Guided by rufus st rufus versus caves. A cave. money goes real sand could be a real windfall for us. My friend rufus i understand and i appreciate your trying to toe the line in and find your loyally lawyer loyally in this as you do. You’re an expert at all of these things i declared. The players is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened. And then everything that food house on a confusion. A lot of talk about kiva. If maybe i could make some drawings piece of your shins and then we could figure out exactly what happened. Maybe some hampshire’s nice okay. yes. I don’t know how to pursue i’m flummoxed i i’m fading i need some rest. I haven’t talked many many many times. Okay so i mean we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out of course but i think you’re gonna wanna take a shower because you also it’s i’m this is coming from a pig. I am pig aloe issues. Of course i’m going to say it’s it smells like you. Also having bathed in many a time time at times as potentially possible. We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink rehab at all. So there’s the only way we are able to bay this much like a baby where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder all cells down with it and so if just hopes to keep the flies off. There’s a lot of flies or i come from. And it helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there now. This is a lot of vagaries. You’re putting out the everything that happened with everything. The things that out there. That has a cave blue line. We don’t know anything about anything. Big wiz Natty Bumpercar again. My friend alex com name. I have not heard in a long time spoken allow. Yeah we understand. Grandpa the whatever we’re gonna say future bumper car or whatever dystopia in bumper car bumper car from the in time i dunno Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That’s we got it. I think roe v is asking way than Natty familiar with is is currently aims precisely correct alloway says thank you sir for stepping in good clarifying and quantifying and explaining what i was trying to think if we can get natty over here maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does and can we can introduce track to can bring him on understand. The space time continuum willocks for in the same room together. We can’t see we can’t be near each other. It’s just a possible. Can you talk on the phone to send a letter what we’re trying to. We’re playing this by all right. Adorable little pig is and we’re trying to figure it out and you’re not super helping on if i’m to be honest from the be real. I saw harry.

Why you’re talking. Nice look looks like you did an excellent. this is a wonderful i. i wasn’t bad but to me. I expert as it. Tears looked like a cave to me. Blue light right. That’s one of this dog drool. This out wasn’t there. He’s he’s captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a into the future. I’ve come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out. We have to solve this mystery and ladies and gentlemen. I think that’s why it makes sense to call this. The official start of season to- of the bumper pod cased three hundred eighty eight episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened. After everything happened what is future pump whereas regular bumper doro portal into the future and win. Am i going to get some lunch very very hunger right now. I would also like some lingerie. I haven’t eaten and yeah in a time. That’s what time we get it. We understand it’s a rough place. Came from someone is going gonna stay here and to pick me up an you know i’d love. This has been a nonproductive presentation executive producer. Frank qablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial notary but its license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit. Non dash productive dot com.
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About This Episode

In episode 388, the Bumperpodcast launches Season 2 with a mysterious twist as a confused, older version of Natty Bumpercar emerges from a cave claiming to be from the future. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig struggle to understand this disheveled time traveler who speaks of 'everything that happened' and warns that the space-time continuum will explode if he meets his present-day self. Doodle Poodle mysteriously draws an accurate picture of the cave despite never having been there, suggesting he might be a seer. The episode ends with our heroes deciding to solve this mystery while the dystopian Bumpercar desperately needs a shower and lunch.

Memorable Quotes

“We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations.”
— Rufus T. Rufus (Future Natty)

“It smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. And this is coming from a pig. I am a pig.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Cave money goes deep. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #timetravel #sciencefiction #mystery #seasonpremiere #alternatetimeline #caves #friendship #comedy

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't understand. Where are we? What year is it? Where is this place? What decade? I don't understand. I'm very confused right now. I don't understand what's happening. It's very bleary. Everything has gone very bleary.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey there. Who? Hi. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. Who are you?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, Aloysius J. Pig. I haven't seen you in a lifetime. It's been so very, very long.

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute. Are you Natty Bubbica? Yes. It is me. I don't understand. You look so old, and your voice sounds all different, and you kind of smell a little bit funny.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know what's going on. Aloysius, I was sitting in a cave, and then a bright light flashed, and then all of a sudden I was here. I don't recognize this place. I recognize… You, of course, but I don't know when I am or where I am.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, when you is, is it 2020, 2021, 2021, 2021?

Rufus T. Rufus: 2021. So we're still in an age where we're counting the years one by one.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Of course we are. How else are we going to count the years? I don't mean no sense.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I come from… We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations. I do understand what that means.

Aloysious J. Pig: That was all a bunch of gibberish. It sounded like you took the biggest words that popped into your head, and you squished them all together. No, no. You count years one by one. It's like 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, etc. That's just 25. 25. 24. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying. No. It's just like one-two, one-two, one-two, one-two.

Rufus T. Rufus: It's one-two, one-two, one-two, and you're talking in code now. Have we crossed that Rubicon, and we're all talking in code now?

Aloysious J. Pig: No. No. I ain't never crossed no Rubicon. I don't know what that is, even. I was just counting the way that I count. One-two, one-two, one-two, etc.

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, okay. Oh, fine, fine. So it's 2021.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Do you want some, uh, water? Oh! What? You have water still in this time. You sounded raspy. I was… I'm very… Yeah, of course we got water. No! We got it from the sink, from the tap. The sink?

Rufus T. Rufus: Or from the refrigerator. You still have refrigeration and water in this time. Wonderful. Wonderful. I think I've made it back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I was. Back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I can fix everything before… What do you mean?

Aloysious J. Pig: Everything happens. What is everything and everything happening? I… I ain't understand.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, excuse me, everybody. Uh, it's, uh, myself and myself and myself, Mr. Rufus T. Rufus in charge and large and in the room and saying hello to you real soon. Hello. So, I'm wondering, Aloysius J. Pigaloo, who this man is right over here. Rufus. Who is he and why is he in here and what is he talking about fixing anyway and any who and any how? Rufus, it's, it's, it's, it's me. It's Natty Bumpercar from the future, I suppose, is what I've been told. I was in a cave. You see, I was in a cave and there was a very bright light and I… He can't be just talking to me. Do you have your own lawyer representation? Your lawyer from the future, as it were? Because he can't just come in here and start… Spouting off and giving me words and spinning yarns and telling stories because all of this can be used in a court of law, you understand, sir? You have to understand that you are my lawyer. You, you, you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. You understand? You guided me up until your very end.

Aloysious J. Pig: His very end? What are you saying? Rufus. Rufus, Rufus T. Rufus went away somewhere?

Rufus T. Rufus: No, I heard that as well, Aloysius, and I'm backing away a little bit here because I sounded a little bit like a threat. It sounded a little bit aggressive, if you will, and I, of course, don't appreciate a man such as you telling me anything about anything or, as it were, anything at all. Rufus, you, you don't know, it's, it's wonderful to hear your jibber-jerk. It's been so long. I've been so lonely. I've been by myself for a long time with nothing, no one to speak to, no one to speak of. It's been very difficult.

Aloysious J. Pig: Sounds like it was very difficult. So when you say no one, does that include, like, no pigs? No. What are we talking about here?

Rufus T. Rufus: Nary a pig to be seen. Nary a pig to be found. Nary a pig to be heard. It was the worst of times. Now, it does sound pretty tragic, and I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable, so tell me a little bit more about this cave in which you were. Was it a regulated cave? Should you have been with the handrails? Was it slippery at all? Was there any kind of bats or anything, any vermin is what I'm asking, any kind of dangerous issue? Because we might be able to build this up into a cave. We might be able to build this up into a case against the caves. It'd be Natty Bumper Cop, guided by Rufus T. Rufus, versus caves. No. Cave money goes deep. Rufus. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend. Rufus, I understand and I appreciate you trying to toe the line and find your loyally, loyally, loyally angle in this as you do. You're an expert at all of these things. I declare, I do declare. Of course. This is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened and then everything that happened.

Doodle Poodle: Um, hey everybody, it's me, Doodle Poodle. Hello. I was hearing a lot of confusion and a lot of talk about caves. And I was wondering if maybe I could make some drawings based off of your descriptions. And then we could figure out exactly what happened. And then maybe that could give us some answers.

Rufus T. Rufus: And then I… Doodle Poodle, you're still here?

Doodle Poodle: Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: Okay. Yes. I don't know how to proceed. I'm flummoxed. I'm fading. I need some rest. I haven't slept in many, many, many times. Okay. So, I mean, we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out, of course. But I think first you're going to want to take a shower because you also, it's, and I'm, this is coming from a pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: I am a pig. Aloysius, of course. I'm going to say it's, it's, it smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. Is this, is this potentially possible? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is this possibly possible?

Rufus T. Rufus: We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink. We have no water at all. So there is the only way we are able to bathe is much like a baby bird where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder ourselves down with it. And so it just helps to keep the flies off. There's a lot of flies where I come from. And it helps. It helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there. Now this is a lot of vagaries that you're putting out. Everything that happened with the everything, the things that are out there. There's a cave. There's a blue light. We don't know anything about anything. Pig, where's Natty Bumpercar? Again, my friend, I am Natty Bumpercar. It's a name I have not heard before. I have not heard in a long time spoken aloud, though.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, we understand, Grandpa, that you're whatever. We're going to say future Bumpercar or whatever, dystopian Bumpercar, Bumpercar from the end time. I don't know. Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That's, we got it. I think Rufus is asking where the Natty that we're more familiar with is currently at.

Rufus T. Rufus: Precisely correct, Aloysius. Thank you, sir, for stepping in. Thank you. And clarifying and quantifying and, you know, explaining what I was trying to do. I think if we could get Natty over here, maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does. And Natty can, we can introduce him. No. And we can try to. You can't bring him here. Don't you understand? The space time continuum will explode if we're in the same room together. We can't see each other. We can't be near each other. But. It's just impossible.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Can you talk on the phone or send a letter? I don't know. I mean, we're trying to figure, we're playing this by ear. All right. Adorable little pig ears. And we're trying to figure it out. And you're not super helping on, if I'm to be honest, if I'm to be real. So. Hey, everybody.

Doodle Poodle: While you're all talking, I drew this nice little doodle of what maybe the cave looks like. And I don't know. Did I do a good job?

Rufus T. Rufus: You did an excellent, this is a wonderful cave drawing. I mean, I wasn't there, but to me, to my eye, expert as it tears, it looked like a cave to me. So with the blue, I see the blue light right there. That's wonderful. How did this dog draw this? It's, he wasn't there. He's, he's captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a seer into the future where I've come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out.

Aloysious J. Pig: We have to solve this mystery. And ladies and gentlemen, I think that's why it makes sense to call this the official start of season two of the bumper podcast, 388 episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened after everything happened? What is future bumper car? And where's our regular bumper car?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is doodle poodle really a seer into the future? And when am I going to get some lunch? I'm very, very hungry right now.

Aloysious J. Pig: I would also like some lunch. I haven't eaten in. Yeah. In a time that for a time that we get it. We understand. It's a rough place where you came from. We'll get you some lunch.

Doodle Poodle: I'm just going to stay here and doodle. But if you're going to pick me up a banana, you know, I'd love one.

Unknown: Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

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January 21, 2021