Tag: music

  • Bumperpodcast #463 – Season 3 – Best Episode

    Bumperpodcast #463 – Season 3 – Best Episode

    The Bumperpodcast episode opens with an apology from Natty Bumpercar for last week’s episode, which had no audio but was voted the favorite by listeners. Aloysius J. Pig reveals the episode’s popularity, leading to a humorous discussion about the podcast’s cast, including Rufus T. Rufus, the producer, and various recurring characters like Doodle Poodle. The conversation meanders through personal anecdotes, name jokes, and a brief discussion about improving escalators with LED lights and music.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!


    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar and the gang open with an apology for last week's audio-less episode, which Aloysious J. Pig hilariously claims was voted the best episode ever. The crew discusses the convenient naming conventions on the show, with Producer revealing his name isn't a nickname but his actual birth name. Rufus T. Rufus boasts about his many fabricated superlatives, while the gang debates whether they're a work family. The conversation takes a wild turn when they propose giving escalators a glow-up with LED lights and music, leading to Producer's panic about potentially dangerous suggestions. This episode showcases the Bumperpodcast's signature improvisational comedy and character dynamics.

    Memorable Quotes

    “That evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever… they said it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to… because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know”

    — Producer

    “You took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it… not whatever elevator music”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #podcasting #apologies #names #family #escalators #music #workplacehumor #technology

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Doodle Poodle

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: no but it's what i hold because what i'm saying is it was we made a mistake and i oh hey uh bumper podcast kateers it's me natty bumper car this is the bumper podcast yada yada yada thank you for listening um we're starting the episode off this week with an apology evidently last week we recorded an episode that's not the evidently part but it went out with no audio which for a podcast is um what i have read a very important piece uh hey actually hey natty it's me always just jpeg um and i was looking over the numbers with producer and uh i didn't know that they even had this but that evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever like out of all the episodes out of all the listings everything that one top of the peak the number one it's not even like uh what do they call it recency bias or nothing like that they just just the words they were saying about this thing they said it's it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to of this podcast really of any podcast uh make more like this but there was no audio there was nothing nobody there was no oh now i get what you're doing okay no now i see i see what you're doing and it makes sense that was their favorite episode of the podcast because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans the uh hold on there natty uh you know you can't just go throwing around words like uh rigmarole shenanigans you know you yep yep what you're doing there is you're pointing the finger at everybody else here on the bumper podcast myself included hello everybody my name is rufus t rufus i'm the i was going to say the legal lawyer around here but i'm the local legal lawyer and and uh i just want to make sure that i keep natty that i keep you in line and i keep you in check all right because we want to make sure that you ain't just out there willy-nilly talking about whatever stuff

    Producer: you were saying before yeah no so listen i don't care about what wherever words is he saying the thing i think that it's hurting me everybody hello my name is producer i'm the producer of the podcast and it's not a nickname it's like i was born and my name was producer and i'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know i don't have any plans really and then lo and behold the way life went i ended up being here as a producer which is fine it's a you know it's okay i guess you're okay business if you can get into it but then you know you release one episode with no audio and everybody's all of a sudden like they are they're the producers at home and they're like oh you know you didn't push the button that makes the thing out there over there that with the audio in the wav files and mp3s and you know all these technical terms that i know a lot about but everybody knows yeah settle down there uh that producer also i didn't know that

    Natty Bumpercar: i was i didn't honestly i didn't know that was your actual name i thought your name was something like fred or something uh uh delores i don't i don't i don't uh uh i don't know i was going to think of a name with an r at the beginning but i can't eat roger that's a name that begins with an r uh w name winfred willifred i thought your name could have been willifred um but evidently your name is actually producer which is very convenient and helpful for us i gotta say that this podcast is never helpful okay um usually it's very convoluted and confusing and uh people are like what's happening what am i listening to what is going on but with you breath of fresh air uh they're like oh wait okay so that one's name is producer and uh and then they produce okay good perfect where where's host host hosty to make some hosts hosty that's no it's just there's it's not like his name is producery or anything like that it's just producer and so if you're asking where the host is i that's me natty bumper car um and your name is aloe jay pig you see how that worked out uh there sometimes there's a robot on the show every his name is is robot so that's very very um you know smart naming uh that we're doing there uh yeah producer you're just you're okay that's that's that's cool rufus t rufus you're that's your name um of course there's i'm trying to think of other people who sometimes come on the show there's uh there's there's doodle poodle

    Doodle Poodle: hi natty that's me doodle poodle i'm of course a dog a poodle who likes to doodle

    Unknown: oh

    Doodle Poodle: what's up does anybody want to do some drawings with me or anything

    Natty Bumpercar: we're good doodle poodle thanks for stopping by natty listen he's not like on the movie where you got to say his name three times the the second you get into the fourth syllable of this you know the second syllable of the second word so the fourth syllable he's already running down the hall thinking you know this is his big shot um yes okay i get it pig uh poodle um uh but your name's not like natty host your name's natty bumper car which makes no i don't even listen people come up to me in the street and they go so is that actually his real name and i say yeah his name is rufus t rufus it's you know it's the same forward and back i guess i don't know and they're like no no no no no no no the other one yeah i'm i'm i don't i don't appreciate you bringing my name into this uh but i do kind of like that uh people do bring me up for i'm what you would call consider a uh fan favorite at this point uh voted most likely to be succeeding from the bumper podcast uh king i was a king of prom at the bumper podcast that one year uh i brought in the most donations at one time president of the class of the the bumper the bumper podcast i have a lot of uh superlatives that i like you know that i i've earned over the years and i'm proud of it you know and i just want people to know about yeah of course so i i am not just rufus t rufus i am so much more than that

    Producer: all right i agree and oh my goodness i am so sorry i am yawning it has nothing to do

    Natty Bumpercar: with you going on and on uh listing everything that was in no way made up all the superlatives that you have earned um anyway yeah so uh yes that is sure it's my real name pig why did you don't have to engage with these people they uh it was actually my family like um you know cousins yeah and my kids okay grandpa's a family reunion okay gotcha yeah so i felt like i had to understood thank you all right i'm not i'm not gonna go to a family reunion where they're like we're kind of worried about you are you sure that this is the right career path for you and i'm like yeah it's going well then they're like but his name uh is it bumper car seems to be a strange name is all i'm saying yeah and again i okay i totally agree uh but i think what i had to ask in that situation is you can just you can take it you know listen to them and you know i don't know just kind of agree and uh walk away or something i don't know i thought we were pals we're not even if y'all pals the the blood uh the family family reunion is thicker than any kind of water or substance uh or whatever it is you know that we have going on here we're kind of like a work family right you know we come in i assume i'm like uh i don't know uh i'm the funny uncle uh uh let's see here uh uh uh natty you're like that the uncle that gave up a long time ago um aloe vicious you know i'm gonna you're gonna be like the den leader i assume yeah that's perfect that's what i've always

    Producer: aimed to be for this group the den leader yeah and so let's see here we have the funny cousin her uncles the cut the the for the day i don't i forgot all the things you just said but what is what does that leave open for me like what did i possibly be in this whole scenario oh producer anytime i hear the word

    Natty Bumpercar: scenario i get excited here we here we go here we go no how does it here we go y'all yo here we go yo say something something scenario you guys know that song what song i'm talking about out of all the terrible things that you haven't done on this podcast that was by far the worst one i've ever heard you took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it it's you know it's got a flow it's supposed to have a flow like here we go yo here we go yo yeah it's boom bap boom bap not whatever elevator music now hold on there's elevator music right but what is the escalator music did that was that ever a thing can we invent that little speakers oh you know what i'm talking about we do escalators of the future right when you go to get your car washed you go in and there's rainbow lights everywhere and it's this big exciting adventure oh it's rainbows and it's cool let's do that with escalators so you're going down and and it's got like uh led lights won't be bomb lights you know cool lights and uh i don't know some sort of a like a soundtrack right you know and it can become like that movie with a dude stepping on the piano and uh and you know so everyone's kind of playing with each other and it's it just seems like it'll bring the community together all right well i i i'm gonna admit i i hold on i don't not like that i do like that i think it's a nice idea especially like the led lights and i don't know i think but before we make uh escalators like fun and you know like an adventure we should probably make escalators that don't try to murder people because i um that's the thing you know if people don't people they and they have children they really start to freak out about it they're like whoa the escalator's gonna get you you better tie that shoe you better not sit on that step what are you doing putting that bag on there it's gonna grab that get your hands and hair away from that escalator come on you can't play with it like that it's dangerous and then now we got a whole society of people terrified of an escalator go to places with multiple levels you look around all them escalators just empty just nobody on them just a couple tumbleweeds just tumbling down the stairs you know i i know what well well hold on i i i agree i don't i can't believe that i do but i actually do agree um escalators we're kind of like uh quicksand uh you're terrified of quicksand growing up they're kind of like uh bees how my children treat bees like uh every bee is out to get them and if the bee does get them then that's the end of all things uh and now and in escalators yeah they're telling you you're gonna you're gonna lose limbs on this thing right so maybe uh pig you're right maybe we need to do what the kids are calling a glow up on the uh on the escalators

    Producer: and uh hold on a second we're not gonna blow up any anything no blowing up escalators we have to cut this okay everybody take the equipment we're gonna go and hide we can't say stuff like that on

    Natty Bumpercar: on the air yo god chill out we're not first off we're not even on the air we're a podcast but also he i think he said glow glow yeah like you said yeah it's like you're supposed to glow glow it up i don't i don't really know what it means but glow it up the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloysius j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

    Unknown: you

  • Bumperpodcast #453 – Season 3 – Oil & Water

    Bumperpodcast #453 – Season 3 – Oil & Water

    In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty and the crew try a song and realize why they haven’t been recording as much Tune in for laughs, lessons, and lots of laughs as they navigate the paperwork jungle!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page


    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar reunites with Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Producer after a long hiatus from recording the Bumperpodcast. The gang struggles with technical issues including microphone popping sounds and missing equipment, leading to humorous discussions about "paschetti" pronunciation and cooking oils. Aloysius attempts an impromptu rap song that goes hilariously wrong, prompting the crew to question whether they still have chemistry together. The episode devolves into playful arguments about offensive language, workplace safety, and whether they're like "oil and water" as a team. Despite the chaos and rust from their time away, the characters' signature banter and absurd humor shine through.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Everything's good. Everything's fine. We made a terrible song. And that's gonna happen. We haven't made a song in a long time, and the one we just did was terrible.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I'm starting to wonder if this is why we hadn't recorded a bumper podcast in a long time. Maybe we just don't gel anymore. Maybe we're like oil and water.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “Is there such a thing as soy oil? Can we start soil? What'd you cook your food in? I cooked it in soil! Million dollar plan!”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #podcasting #music #friendship #comedy #cooking #workplacehumor #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so i have an idea i have several ideas but only one idea that really pertains to you guys at this moment and so what i've been doing is listen i've been listening to so many podcasts like upwards of four five podcasts and um not all the way through i have to say that just partially um because who has the time honestly uh i would understand it if you if you are about to turn this one off you ever no one has time no one has time to listen to things to bibble babble to jibber jabber no so i i had i had an idea and my idea was um i just before you say your idea

    Aloysious J. Pig: uh i just wanted you to know that the uh listening numbers have come in and uh it won't Don't be an issue because it looks like everybody gave up on this podcast because you stopped making it. So it kind of makes a little bit of sense. So right now you're just talking into the void. You're talking into the ether. You're talking into, I don't know, like somewhere where no one is. The, the, the, Mari, Marin, what is it? Marinara? I think it's Marinara. Mariana, right? Not Marin, yeah. No. Mariana Trench.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Is it, did we decide here? No, this is Rufus. T. Rufus. And did we actually decide on if it's Marinara Trench? Now, hold on a second. I believe the Marinara Trench is when you make a pot of spaghetti and you just family style, you put it down the middle of the table. Oh. Hold that paschetti. And then you come along.

    Natty Bumpercar: Rufus, are you saying paschetti? Because I, the first time I think you actually said spaghetti, which I appreciate. But then the second time you, you just went on with paschetti. Paschetti.

    Producer: Yeah. Right? Yes. Paschetti. But Natalie, it's me, producer, and ye, I heard it as well. I was going to, you know, I, I like to mark things on notepads so that at the end of the episode, if I'm, you know, if I have to go back in and, you know, edit anything or whatever, but I, I wrote in there this exact time stamp that these men said, a paschetti like that, you know?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much, producer. Wow. You, your accent got a little bit, what's happening today? This is, this is very strange. You got, you got, you got very, I would say Italian, but I don't really know. I don't, you know, accents are weird to me. Everything kind of sounds dissimilar. Oh.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, you Sophie. Fancy. Yo, look at me. I'm Natty Bumpercar. I got so much wit. I got so much, uh, like whatever, but, uh, I gotta say, paschetti, Rufus, you sound like, you know, like you're a three-year-old or seven, uh, three-year-old or seven. Not, not four, not five, not six. You're either a three-year-old or you're seven. And, and that's who I understand is it's in their, their language. It's in what they say. They say paschetti, like that.

    Producer: I wanted to thank you, Aloysius, for, because everybody who is saying the paschetti, they're really going into the microphone and they're saying it very loud. So they're getting that, that, that, that noise, that pop noise that you get because we don't have a pop, uh, uh, uh, barrier anymore, like a pop screen. And so I do appreciate, uh, if everyone else could follow Aloysius. Aloysius. Aloysius, hey, sample, and then we, it'll make everybody happy because, you know, I agree that no one is probably listening at this point anymore, but if they were, uh, we just want to give them a high quality, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, product to, did I just do it? Yeah. Oh, man. Okay. This is very difficult. It's very difficult.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I was listening to my, my headphones here. Do you know we used to call headphones cans? Like that. We said, what? I can't hear you through the cans. That's when we were back on the radio long time ago, long, long time ago for you, uh, Piggy Lou before you even born. Now here's the thing. I think what we got to do until we get ourselves a, uh, a pop God is, uh, just avoid any words that might be, uh, associated or, uh, integrated or, uh, reverberated, uh, through the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. the microphone with the issues that are associated with not having a pop filter.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Yeah, that works for me. It's going to be very difficult because we don't have a script like some of these odd casts. I mean, that has a P at the beginning but I didn't want to say it. So now, that's all I'm thinking about now. Hold on. You're good.

    Unknown: Do you hear this? Pig, I think that there's some music happening. Do you think there's going to be a song?

    Producer: There could be. Drop the beat, pretty please. Oh. Okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Sounds like we're doing something. Let's go. Ready? I'm rolling. Riding. Sitting. Poseidon. Looking for Poseidon. Okay, that's rhymed. I'm chasing. You're hiding. I'm barely even trying. So clean off your face. You're in last place. The geese. The gaggle. The geese will never haggle. A wiggle. A waggle. Alright, I'm

    Rufus T. Rufus: jumping in here. I don't know if you're just like, out of practice. If you forgot how to do this. Or what the problem is right now. Can you cut that music? Can you cut it off, please?

    Producer: Producer, I'm talking to you. Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't know if you were like, doing part of this song. You know, like a spoken word kind of thing where you come in and you're like, Mr. Top Guy or whatever. You know, I noticed that you were not paying attention to the music or the beat or anything that was said before, so I was guessing that you weren't doing that, but… Yes, yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wow. I mean, you just cut it. It wasn't even like, we're gonna fade it out or anything. It was just like, and gone. Music just gone. It's fine. I'm sorry. It's fine.

    Producer: I just thought I was supposed to do it. The lawyer man here, Rufus D. Rufus, says, you got to get rid of the music. You're not doing a great job. I just pushed the button and it's gone. It's fine. It's just my job. It's just my life. It's just my dream.

    Aloysious J. Pig: But that's fine. That's fine. Listen, producer, it is okay. I don't want anybody to get worried. I don't want anybody to get worked up. Alright? Everything's good. Everything's fine. We made a terrible song. And that's gonna happen. We haven't made a song in a long time, and the one we just did was terrible. And that's, again, it's okay. We're gonna move on. Probably. Do we have anything else planned for this episode? Was that it? I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, we didn't even plan for that. Come on. It's okay. Everybody calm down.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Now, I'm starting to wonder if this is why we hadn't recorded a bumper podcast in a long time. Maybe we just don't gel anymore. Maybe we're like oil and water. There's several. Now, you can be the water, and then we can be different kinds of oil. Myself, I think I'm gonna be an avocado oil. Uh, Aloysius, what are you thinking over there? What are your thoughts?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's a good point. Oil and water. Yeah, he is absolutely water over there. Uh, your avocado. I'm gonna, you know, I wanna stay away from seed oils, because as I understand, those are out of uh, out of vogue at the moment. Is there anything like a… I know they do milk, but is there like a an almond oil? Or a soil? Oh, soy oil? Soil! Let's start that business! Is there such a thing as soy oil? Can we start soil? What'd you cook your food in? I cooked it in soil! There we go! Ho-ho! Million dollar plan!

    Producer: Yeah, I don't really want to be, uh, oil, necessarily, but, here's a thing I could be, is, um, I could be uh, butter, maybe? You know, just, it tastes good, you can still cook in it, it doesn't have as high of a um, burned temperature, as the other ones, and especially the avocado oil, you know, you can really get that pan hot. Uh, soil, I don't, I'm not too overly familiar with, um… We? Yeah, we're gonna… Are we determining if that's a real thing, or… Yeah, I think

    Natty Bumpercar: we should get an intern for the podcast, because a lot of the shows that I was watching or listening to, whatever you do, um, they had people off to the side who were actually like, um, they would say stuff, and then the people over on the side would look it up, and so, like, you know, they're sitting here like how you're just talking about soy oil, soil, they would be able to just, like, put it up in front of you, so you would know right then if, if it was actually a real thing or something that could be done, as opposed to how we seem to do it, which is, something is mentioned, we have no idea if it's valid or if it's real, and then we're supposed to remember the next week, uh, what we said, and to have actually looked it up, and how many times has that actually happened, and do you think we can count it on one hand?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go, count it on one hand, very, very, very, very insensitive, Natty, I don't have hands, I've got little hooves, look, look, look at me, look at me, little hooves, alright, and, and producer, why don't you jump in here? Oh, hey, come on, man, I didn't mean

    Producer: that. Yeah, but it wasn't necessary, you're like, you could have said anything really, but now you're just like, oh, hey, frog, why don't you jump into the conversation, I mean, like, what are we doing, are we just going around the room now, and and, and, and, and

    Rufus T. Rufus: picking things out, I guess? Oh, so now you, so I don't, I'm not trying to, uh, I don't want to say P-I-L-E, pile on, but you, uh, producer just did the, the, the P, the pop thing, so I guess it's, it's gotten everybody, and I also wanted to point out that, uh, Aloysius, if you, and, uh, if you, producer, want to have a meeting after, uh, this session, um, then we could maybe come up, uh, draw up some diagrams, draw up some, uh, I don't know, little, you know, good old-fashioned litigation to, uh, address the situation which I myself just saw, I myself was hurt by, I myself was quite offended by. I'm not sure, if I actually feel safe

    Natty Bumpercar: in this place of work. What? Really? You don't feel safe? Okay. You know what? I don't even remember who it was at this point who said, like, oh, maybe we all, it's oil and, it was you, wasn't it, Rufus? Oil and water. Yeah, that's it. I'm water. Maybe this is why we haven't recorded the podcast in a long time because, because it's, it's hard. It's walking on eggshells. It's walking on, walking on broken glass.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, that was, actually, that was a pretty good pull in the middle of everything. That was good. Good job to

    Rufus T. Rufus: your brain, one point bumper car's brain. Now, yeah, I can see why you're giving them compliments. You know, I understand the creative process, but now I gotta deal with the legal paper probably from that. I got, I got, I got people breathing down my necks. I got letters in my mailbox filling up. I can't even close my mailbox, which means all of my catalogs are getting wet and musty and moldy. And I, you know, I can't even look at that. I don't even, what is the summer fair this year? I don't know, because I can't look at it. All right? So, now Natty, that's what you got me in. You got me in the situation where you're talking about hands, and we're talking about jump right in. And now, I gotta deal with the legalese of this whole, this whole, this whole, conflagration.

    Producer: I'm actually okay with the whole thing, now that I think about it. It was a, it was a, it was an accident. I'm good. Oh, I'm glad you're good. Pig, are you good? No! Oil and water! The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at nattybumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

  • Bumperpodcast #452 – Season 3 – Invoices

    Bumperpodcast #452 – Season 3 – Invoices

    Join Natty Bumpercar, Pig, Rufus, and Producer in this hilarious Bumperpodcast episode all about invoices! From chaotic billing to quirky misunderstandings, the gang tackles the world of invoices in their signature absurd style. Tune in for laughs, lessons, and lots of laughs as they navigate the paperwork jungle!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page


    About This Episode

    In episode 452 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and his puppet friends attempt their first musical episode in ages with hilariously chaotic results. Producer kicks things off with a song about bees, but Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to keep the rhythm. What starts as an improvised musical number quickly derails into a discussion about libraries, with Rufus T. Rufus sharing his love of reading and the stacks. The episode takes an unexpected turn when the gang discovers a shocking financial reality: none of them have been sending invoices or getting paid for their work on the show for the past 15-20 years. The revelation leads to comedic accusations and stammering explanations as everyone realizes they've been working for free.

    Memorable Quotes

    “if i could be a bee i don't really know let's see what kind of bee would i be would i be an a b or c or d or e what all these letters they all rhyme”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “gonna learn gonna learn gonna learn in a library gonna learn gonna learn i love to read books”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “you hear him stammering everybody's getting nervous you hear him stammering he doesn't even know what he's saying at this point yeah nobody stammers quite like a guilty man”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #music #improvisation #libraries #books #business #money #workplacecomedy #miscommunication

    Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

    Full Transcript

    Producer: if you could be a bee what kind of bee would you be if you could be a bee what kind of bee would

    Aloysious J. Pig: you be i guess if i could be a bee i don't really know let's see what kind of bee would i be would i be an a b or c or d or e what all these letters they all rhyme i could just be like e d g c e whatever t m doesn't rhyme though no okay hold on i'll get back okay yeah uh weird

    Natty Bumpercar: uh we haven't had music like a music bed a music background in so long and evidently we've forgotten how to do it because that we started off pretty rough off beat uh we went with producer i thought was a pretty brilliant because it was nice and simple um rhyme scheme um and and really i thought kind of a nice idea for a song and then leave me out of this okay i couldn't figure it out i was close yeah yes you and i know normally you you don't like feedback and you don't want to hear this no i don't i don't yeah you we oh that was not great i listen i how was i supposed to know that we were going to jump

    Aloysious J. Pig: right into a song we haven't had a song in in a long time and so you know you hear this the the podcast start it's got the squeak squeak squeak squeak and then all of a sudden boom bang we're in a song with producers starting yeah i don't know if that's ever happened producer never starts a show

    Producer: yeah i'm sure that at some point in the show that i've probably started it but i i can't recall i don't keep notes or anything but it's nice to have a song it's nice to have a beat so i can dance along and i can sing along let's go let's go let's all party down let's go let's go let's party

    Aloysious J. Pig: all around so you start you you listen i like that you're committed to the bit and you're like you're like we're gonna have music we're gonna i'm gonna sing a song and i hope that everybody just ignores uh how everything started that's great that's listen you're you are committed you are all in and i appreciate that and i appreciate you producer this is a fat beat i love to listen to this beat as i'm sitting on my seat no no you know it's

    Natty Bumpercar: i remember yeah i don't know that was i i don't i think we could probably you we don't have to sing i mean it's nice to have a music bed underneath this um i feel like it adds a little layer of texture and fun but um i don't think that it it forces us into a position where we actually you know have to have to have to sing yeah hey nutty it's me

    Aloysious J. Pig: rufus t rufus and i listen to that we ain't had music in a long time i guess the court paper the filings went through and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna sing a song and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna in the office and all the wheels that were greased and everything so that we can lift the embargo and put on a track or two of of of rapitude drum drum drums i got some drums i don't say no this is why i don't really usually take over here drum drum drum drum i i yeah again i tried it again and i and i failed again but that's okay that's okay we're learning we're learning we're learning yeah we're learning oh everybody's learning here we go over here and here we go over there okay to do what i don't learn to do what to learn in a book in a book i love libraries

    Natty Bumpercar: i'm listen everyone i think that rufus who never comes in and sings might have had the best singing part so far the gonna learn gonna learn gonna learn in a library gonna learn gonna learn i love to read books gonna learn but yeah yeah no that was that's a catchy one and i think it's it's very much needed at this point um that we lift up uh our our local public libraries and um you know tell people tell people what's up i love the library i like to just walk into a library and all the books they're called they're called the stacks because there's their shelves and they're back in the stacks okay i'm gonna go back in the stacks and and but you second you walk into a library it just has a feeling about it i i always think it just like it it's it feels like you're in a different world almost in a different time and and the smell of the books has always been so intoxicating to me and just wandering around and and looking at all the different titles and all the different sizes of the books and all the different colors of the book like the the spines and everything

    Aloysious J. Pig: is is is is wonderful yeah um did are we is this all just library stuff now because i i mean i can i can do that i uh went to a library once and they said that they they wanted a show and they hired me and uh they stuck me in a room with what i don't know it must have been two three hundred kids and uh i was like okay what do we what do we have a plan and they're like well we hired you you have the plan and i was like okay uh how long how long do i need to stay in here for and they they they said forever and then they shut the door kind of in a menacing way and uh the second the door shut all the kids their heads just turned slowly and locked on to me and then then and hold on a second don't say anything don't say anything all right good point good point good point yeah i i feel like the litigation on that whole situation is still uh pending it might you know still we're just awaiting a decision um did you ever get a uh uh paid for that for that event uh no i don't know hey uh i don't usually do the money stuff hey natty do you know if uh if i got any checks coming in anything you know a pig needs new shoes

    Natty Bumpercar: all right well first off you i've never seen you wear shoes um so that's important uh secondly no i don't see any checks do you know um did you send in like the invoice after the show did you email it or mail it or drop it off

    Aloysious J. Pig: or anything what do you what i don't know what's that uh what's that word in a voice like an inside like an inside voice what i don't know how does that how does that pertain let me take this and that is sir aloysius uh the invoice um now that's where you're going to uh line item uh put everything on it that your time you know you had to buy some uh crops maybe some water uh you know uh as the case and i can't get into it but you know higher security um because of uh people getting a little bit too uh interested in our business you know there's a few different uh but you put all that on the invoice give them a total and then they know what to pay you wait what is this why i've never been paid is this why i've never seen it in i thought that you you just had some sort of a savings account for me so that i could one day i don't know go to college uh get my own place or you know start my life with with a with a so never we've never never gotten paid

    Natty Bumpercar: anything no i this is a bad miscommunication i thought that you guys were handling a like rufus you usually handle the invoices so now hold on a second hold on a second before you start

    Aloysious J. Pig: shining the light on me i i i'd appreciate if you if you kept me in the dark if it's as it were now listen i invoice you uh constantly still haven't seen a lick of cash from that yeah but i don't i don't invoice for everything else for everybody else so

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah you definitely invoice me constantly i have a stack of papers that just seems to keep growing constantly like all the time all the time those papers they grow all the time um okay wow so if aloysius if you're not sending out invoices i haven't been sending out invoices for stuff either um has anyone gotten paid for anything well so what i do is i've been keeping a tally

    Producer: of all the hours that i've worked and then i went on the internet and i said um you know what is a reasonable amount of salary for for for my position and so i'm just kind of keeping track and i was hoping to settle up with you at some point you know when when we can maybe we sell the bumper podcast and we're just rolling in all the money wait so i guess you're playing like the really

    Aloysious J. Pig: long game we've been doing this for like i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't know i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't i don't you know what you cut you keep on with your notebook and your tally and keeping track you do that you do that uh uh producer i think it's all gonna work out for you oh boy no let's see here hold on uh i i know i've been paid for some outside services i outvoiced those but the insert internal invoices i don't believe uh i've ever uh collected on on anything uh i have to think about i you know what i'm gonna go talk to my financier and and finance see if i have any finances yeah i hope i do yep it's gonna be a bad day if it if if there's not i'll tell you that okay so it's gonna be a bad

    Natty Bumpercar: day but a bad day for who like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know are we saying a bad day for me i so we're all in the same boat i've never gotten paid for anything sounds like none of you have ever gotten paid for anything how do we get paid all right sir

    Aloysious J. Pig: who's supposed to be paying us well i don't want to uh you know single anybody out um but your name is on on on the shingle your name is it's the bumper podcast naughty bumper car you live in headquarters coffee can alley all that you know there's a lot of stuff there so uh i'll take it over here uh so ipso facto i believe that means that all all all of the funds need to be coming out of out of your wallet natty so i guess when can we expect this situation to be rectified i wait i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know

    Natty Bumpercar: i'm rectified i'm just now finding about this the same time you are right so how i not a good topic for the podcast but something that we should definitely figure out and something that we should definitely look into because i think we all just thought that something was happening that wasn't happening and so now we have to get to the root of that the of the problem

    Aloysious J. Pig: and i um you're stammering you hear him stammering everybody's getting nervous you hear him stammering he doesn't even know what he's saying at this point yeah nobody stammers quite like a

    Natty Bumpercar: guilty man natty are you a guilty man what no i'm not guilty i'm i feel like i'm a victim in this whole thing too how am i guilty what did i didn't do anything except maybe mismanage all the money for the last 15 years so wait a minute

    Producer: am i ever going to be able to buy a lily pad in paradise or am i just stuck here pushing knobs and buttons for the rest of my life

    Robot: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and fun to watch and i'm so excited to be here with you and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced by natty bumper car and is produced by natty bumper car at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow us on social media at natty bumper car dot com follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

  • Bumperpodcast #432 – Season 3 – Birthday

    Bumperpodcast #432 – Season 3 – Birthday

    The Bumperpodcast is an uproarious improvised comedy podcast set in the zany town of Coffee-Can Alley. In the episode titled “Birthday,” the gang, including Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig, gathers to forget Natty’s birthday with a delightful twist: they break into song! Prepare to be entertained as the characters belt out a medley of catchy tunes that will have you tapping your feet and laughing along.

    In addition to the musical festivities, listeners also get an intriguing update from the enigmatic Private Eye. With their signature blend of humor and mystery, the gang unravels the latest developments in Private Eye’s adventures. This episode of the Bumperpodcast promises a rollicking good time as you join in the birthday celebration and uncover the secrets that unfold in Coffee-Can Alley. Tune in for a hilarious and melodious journey that will leave you wanting more!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar


    About This Episode

    In this musical episode of the Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and Rufus T. Rufus attempt to rap and freestyle over beats with hilariously awkward results. The pig lawyer worries about "killing the beat" affecting his legal career, while the duo creates the nonsensical song "Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah." Meanwhile, host Natty Bumpercar has been stuck in a corner the whole time, crying because it's his birthday and he still doesn't have the podcast equipment back. The gang discovers their private investigator has been pretending to be a voicemail system and has actually had their equipment for weeks. Will they finally get their podcasting gear back and throw Natty a proper birthday celebration?

    Memorable Quotes

    “I'm pretty sure somebody's going to sue you for killing this beat.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “I don't need that on my record because I don't want to get in trouble, you know, as a lawyer. If I start killing things, I'm not going to be able to be a lawyer no more.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “It's my birthday. And I was hoping to have the podcast equipment back, because I'm sick of this whole not having a podcast thing.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #music #rapping #birthday #privateinvestigator #podcastequipment #dancing #friendship #comedy

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh! Fun music! I like this a lot. Great job, producer. I skip to my loop cause that's what I like to do. I'm up and down and all around. I move over here and I move over there and I do a little dance. Do a little dance. I do a little dance. I'm singing this song. Okay. I'm singing along. No. No. Please stop. It's not good. Come on. You know I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm a lawyer. Well, it's a good thing you're a lawyer because I'm pretty sure somebody's

    Rufus T. Rufus: going to sue you for killing this beat. Sorry, everybody. Should I keep recording or should I stop the music? What are we trying to do here? Because we started out pretty good, I thought, but then we didn't. A couple of seconds. This probably wasn't so great. I'm not pointing any fingers because everybody's trying, but…

    Aloysious J. Pig: Now, hold on. Can you cut that music? Can you cut it? Is that something? That's what they say. Can you cut it? Cut that music? Because I need to have a question or something. Can you please cut the music?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Okay. Here you go. The music has been cut. What do you want to say?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, first of all, I want to say, thank you very much, producer, for doing such great producing, cutting that music. You know, I took your second, but, you know, I understand there's a lot of buttons and knobs you got over there behind the board, but also, I wanted to bring it back to a little something that Aloysius just said. What was it? The up and down and all around dance, whatever thing like that? Nope. That's not it. Actually, I don't go. I don't go up or down. I just kind of stand there and I bob and I weave, but I make it look like I'm going up and down. You know, you're an excellent dancer. Everybody, I think everybody would agree. Now, but what I wanted to actually refer to is there's a point back there where you said that I killed the beat. Now, I don't need that on my record because I don't want to get in trouble, you know, as a lawyer. If I start killing things, I'm not going to be able to be a lawyer no more. This is my career. This is my calling. This is my path in life. And so if I am, you need to tell me if I've done something wrong because I need to abdicate it. All right. Got the music back. Let's see if we can do it this way. One, two, one, two, three. Hello, interest. Hey, Rufus, just listen. If you step on a beat, you don't, you just shoo. I messed it up. I don't know what you're trying to do. This is harder than I thought you were. You should try again. Explain things to a beat. Yeah. But I guess I'll try again. Here we go. You did not kill the beat. The beat is the music. Yeah. Everything is okay. Yeah. You just move it or use it or do it. All of these things rhyme up and down all of the time. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Do you understand what I'm putting down? I do. I'm not actually putting anything down. Okay. I'm just saying words to the back beat. But not all of it is going to make a lot of sense. That's true. For instance. Excuse me. Yeah, I said. Oh, no. What is this? No. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know what that means. This song should be called buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Good. All times I say buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. I'm in the park, it's in the dark, and I am saying buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Hello. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Are you? Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. I didn't even know that I was meant to be in this song. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, I feel like I finally understand. All I gotta do is stand up here and listen to the music and see if I can make things that go with the drums. Okay. Let's see. Ho hum diddly dum. That's all I got. Okay. Down the street. What rhymes with street? Feet. Feet. Feet. My feet. There you go. There we go. I got it. I'm cutting the groove. Okay. But I'm not really cutting the groove. You're not cutting nothing. Because it's a musical term. Yeah. That was, you know, I'm not gonna, that was much better. That was honestly for not much, from where we were. All right, producer, you can go ahead and I think we're gonna drop the beat right here.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Go. Okay. So the beat has been dropped, but it's a little bit too quiet for me. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna put it a little back around the music on. There you go. It's a little bit calmer. We can, you know, figure this whole thing out, all right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, that's a good idea, producer. I don't like it when there's no backing music, because I kind of, at that point, I'm just sitting there with my, uh, thoughts. And that's the last thing I want to do, if I'm to be honest. Like, the music, at least let it distracts me a little bit, you know? I feel like people should just have a little, some sort of music that they can just walk around the world with. I don't know how we would accomplish that or how we would manage it, but let's say I'm walking through the flea market or wherever I am, and I'm looking at things, and it's just too much noise. People are talking to me. And maybe I just want to have a little something where I can listen to, you know, I can cut out the rest of the noise, and I can just bop along to this and look at, oh, what do we have here? Is this an old robot? How much you want for it, you know? Oh, hold on. What's this? Is that a, is that a jar full of buttons? All right. All right. What are we doing? What's happening? You know, it's just a much more pleasant experience, in my opinion. Rufus? I am H.O. I, in my humble opinion. I got it. I got it. Um. Oh. What is, what is that noise? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. De Willis. Did someone step on a goose or something? Hold on a second.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I think I found, let me look, let me look around here and see, OK. It's Natty. It's Natty. He's seems like he's caught up in the corner, here.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Wait. Natty? Bumper car? I thought. Wait a minute. He wasn't here the whole time? I, I was kind of wondering why everything seemed to be going so smoothly. Like every, everything seemed, everything was, uh, very en bloi.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I'm not going to agree or disagree, but I totally agree that everything seemed They go pretty easily today. Hey, Natty. What? Natty, come on. I don't want it. Come on. I don't want it. Come on, little Nat. Get over here. Let's see what's going on, okay?

    Natty Bumpercar: It's my birthday. Okay. And I was hoping to have the podcast equipment back, because I'm sick of this whole not having a podcast thing. And I can't help my queer mood.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, you can stop talking. Just take a few breaths. Quick huddle over here, guys. Yeah, I thought we'd kind of given up on the podcast at this point. I mean, I never saw us getting that equipment back from whatever Sir Reginald, I guess his name was. You know, I thought we were just going to start hanging out and being conversationalists with ourselves and not having to put it out in the world like, oh, listen to us. We have a podcast. Everybody's got a podcast. Come on.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Well, yeah, well, I kind of do agree with that. I am a producer, and so I kind of, like, I really, like, you're a lawyer. I'm a producer and kind of like to do the podcast, if we could do the podcast, possibly.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, you guys are both making excellent points. Here's what I'm going to do. Really quick, I'm going to call up the private eye, see if I can get any information on this whole thing, okay? All right, let's see here. Why is it not dialing? Does anybody know how to dial? How does anyone know how to use this thing? You've got to dial. I'm going crazy. I'm actually going crazy right now. You have to dial the number. Fix it, fix it, fix it. Dial the number. You're born in a barn. No, you're born in the same hospital as you. Just how do I? Okay. All right. And let's see here. Ahem. Ready to talk. Let's go. Hi, yes, I'm trying to reach the private eye.

    Unknown: You have reached the voice message system of the private eye. I'm in a voicemail. If you would like to receive a…

    Aloysious J. Pig: I heard somebody answer.

    Unknown: …email newsletter, please press 1. This is ridiculous.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I'm on speaker. Hey, say, did you say newsletter?

    Unknown: If you are trying to pay your bill, please press 2. If you are trying to hide from the private eye, please press 3.

    Aloysious J. Pig: You guys. Those are the only options? Yes. So, I mean, like, what about find out the status of my case? No, I've been calling and calling. That should be 1-2, right?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, but I've been calling this. I've heard that recording so many times. Sometimes it changes a little bit. Sometimes it doesn't. But it never gives you, like, the option to talk to anybody or the option to… Like, find out where… How my case is doing that we've paid a lot of money for. We can't still… Guys, did you not even hear me?

    Rufus T. Rufus: It's my birthday. I actually did hear, but I thought kind of that this getting in touch with the private eye for the whole podcast thing, which is the thing that seemed to be making you cry, was going to be a little bit more important. But, you know…

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, Nelly, I also heard, but I also agree. I mean… You're a grown man. And you're celebrating. You're crying about your birthday or something. And it made me feel, like, uncomfortable. You know, you have your emotions. You live in them. But I was just like, all right. I see he's crying. I'm just going to see if I can rectify the situation. Yeah, Nelly, happy birthday. Seriously. Super duper happy birthday. Sorry we didn't even realize that you weren't on the show. But I'm just going to call. I'm just going to call that number again to see if I can… Maybe I didn't do it right. Hold on. Okay. Like I could at this.

    Unknown: Hmm.

    Aloysious J. Pig: All right. It's ringing.

    Unknown: Okay. See? Right to the voicemail. I don't know. Same thing. The box is totally full.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, it's totally full. No, no, that was fishy. That was fishy. Hold on. Private eye. Is this actually you pretending to be a voice service? Uh-huh. You have caught me. Caught me in my own snare.

    Unknown: Ha-ha.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Always a smart one, Aloysius. Are you kidding me? I have been calling for weeks. And it's my birthday. And where do you… Did you find our stuff? Did you find our equipment? Calm down, Natty. I found your equipment weeks ago. What? It's been in a box in the corner. That's what? I talked to Sir Reginald and he looked through it. Sorry. He said, this is a bunch of junk. He doesn't even want it. You should have called.

    Natty Bumpercar: I… I put a… But I did call. I've called several times. And evidently, that was… I was talking to you, but you were doing a silly voice, like an answering machine service. Can you please drop our equipment off or can I come and get it? Because I'm really annoyed and… Here's the thing.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I'm really annoyed, too, because you haven't paid your bill. All right. Now, that's going to be my territory, Natty. I will handle this. I will go and I will injuncture this private eye and we will get our equipment back. We are going to go the podcast next week.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it's a birthday miracle. Oh! The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with… Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias. Or leave… A rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at… Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

    Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it. Change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

    Unknown: The Bumper Podcast is a production of the Non-Productive Network.

  • Bumperpodcast #422 – Season 2 – Coaching

    Bumperpodcast #422 – Season 2 – Coaching

    There is nothing more rewarding or more likely to make me bananas than having the opportunity to coach my kid’s teams.

    The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!

    [av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” size-toggle=” av-desktop-font-size-toggle=” av-medium-font-size-toggle=” av-small-font-size-toggle=” av-mini-font-size-toggle=” size-content=” av-desktop-font-size-content=” av-medium-font-size-content=” av-small-font-size-content=” av-mini-font-size-content=” heading_tag=” heading_class=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-l9ikt3t4′ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-l9ikt0v5′ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:04 Let’s talk about coaching. Let’s talk about being a coach and the expectations of being a coach. Hi, everybody, it’s me Natty Bumpercar. The bumper podcast. And I have been honored to I was the coach of my kids basketball team. And I had never played basketball. So that one was a little bit challenging. But I know enough about basketball that I could kind of, you know, wing it a little bit. But then the opportunity came up to coach his soccer team. And I played soccer, most of my life from growing up up until I think, junior year of high school or so. And loved it, loved it to pieces. And so when I found out they were looking for soccer coaches, I was like, Yeah, sign me up, you know. And it’s funny, because, you know, the organization, I wasn’t given any information, it was just like, sure your coach, show up. And I was like, okay, I can do that. And so I show I showed up the first day, and I got my team. There, the great team, great ghosts, was what is when I call them, I made a little I was like, You guys are the great ghosts. And they were like, okay, and then one kid was like, I want to be a great goose. And I was like, fine, I don’t, whatever, that’s great. And I had to learn all of their names, I made him stand in a line. And I because I think it’s important, right? That these are these are you want them to feel, you know, like, they’re part of the team, like they belong, like they have their own identity. And so they went through their names. And and whenever anyone would say their name, I would say, All right, everybody say hello to Tom, there’s no tom, but I’m not gonna give you the kids names, because that would be untoward. But you know, and so then they would all introduce themselves. And then we kind of found out, you know, who was in third grade? Who’s in fourth grade? And do you go to this school? Do you go to that school, just to kind of, you know, establish who everyone was, and try to build a tiny report. And the time that I had. Now, the first week was was was bananas, because we had two practices and three games within the span of seven days. So it was like, Hey, you’re not playing soccer. And then all of a sudden, it was like, hey, guess what, you’re doing soccer every single day of your life. And it was hard because the kids were getting very frustrated and tired. You know, because they’re running around, they’re playing hard. And, and when it’s almost every day, there’s just no break. So they don’t get a chance to, to kind of come up, come back, relax, whatever. But the thing is, is we’ve, it’s great. It’s great fun. And I the reason I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice, but it’s a little bit raspy is because I basically scream, and from the time the game has started, maybe even a little bit before until the game has ended. And it’s not because I’m angry. It’s I am out there. And I, I really take a lot on like, I feel a real responsibility to, to get these kids to learn and to motivate them and to try to get them into spots where they can best, you know, have the chance for success. And it’s difficult. I’m not I’m not gonna lie, like, it’s I last night, I was like, Oh, this is like herding kittens, because it’s always a fun phrase. I’ve always enjoyed that phrase, herding kittens. And I always like when someone’s like, Why are you hurting kittens? And I’m like, no, no one’s hurting kittens. I’m hurting them hurting hurting them. What do you mean by that? You know, like, trying to get big herd of kittens through the Valley into the into the pasture, the gated pasture. So they can they can I don’t know play with butterflies or whatever. Ah, so are the kittens being hurt then? Oh, no. We’re gonna play with butterflies relax. But, you know, because I’ll be on the sideline. And I’m like, you know, I have to give them all their position positions. Oh, I have a weird thing that just happened. I give them all their positions. You know, you’re gonna be my striker, you’re gonna be my, my stopper which is what I call the, the the middle defense person. You’re my left fullback, you’re my rightful way which which which way is which way is left coach, this is well this is this is your left and and so you’re just gonna go back there to the where I’m pointing where I go coach, again, I want you to go back to that corner right where I’m pointing. Why aren’t you going? Hey, could you please just go? Yes, no you Why are you coming off the field? Why why failed, I need you to go back to your spot coats my shoes untied get over here, let’s tie your shoe real quick like this is it’s a real constant flow of, of me trying to get them to stay focused on the game, get into their spots and and do what they’re supposed to do, but also to try to learn and have fun. So it’s a real, real balancing act that I’m going through. And it’s also difficult because, you know, there’s there’s some kids that are more advanced, and they kind of want to take over the game. But this is a recreation league. And so this is a developmental league. And so I’m constantly, I’m like, hey, you know, let that kid take the kick, or let that kid take the throw in? Because, you know, you’re Yes, you are really good at it. But I need other I need everybody to learn how to be good at it because we’re a team. And, you know, a lot. So a couple of games ago, we were playing it was actually on a on a on a baseball field. And so you know, part of it is, is dirt like that baseball field, dirt, whatever that stuff is. And then grass. And I’m looking down at one end of the field, we’re we’re our we have our offense as the ball, and they’re getting it, they’re gonna go oh, wait, no, the ball is coming back our way. So I have to turn. And I have to get my defense ready. And so I was like Dave, and then I stopped because one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into the making like a little funnel with his other hand, and then trying to catch it. The dirt as it was coming through the funnel on the bottom. And he was doing this back and forth. And I was like, like podcasts stand up. And then I looked at the other side of the field and there was a kid picking grass off in us. And so there’s there’s a lot of me of me yelling. And the fun thing is, is when I’m yelling, what are you doing, please stand up. Here comes the ball. It usually doesn’t register until I’ve I’ve yelled the person’s name four or 567 times. And the difficult thing with that is that there are kids who are very competitive and who take the games very seriously a lot more seriously. Than, you know, the the grass pickers or there’s we have kids who dance on the field, which is wonderful. But you know, maybe not the exact right time. And the kids who are taking a lot more seriously. You know, they’ll start yelling at their teammates. And I’m like, no, no, no, no. So then I have to pull them off. And I’m like, Listen, I’m the coach. That’s my job. I’ll do the yelling. You I need you to focus on playing the game. It’s it’s really it’s it’s a lot I we had a game recently. And we didn’t have enough for substitutions, we only had eight people. And so we have a we have our striker, and then our three mids and then our three, defense and then our goalie right so everybody that I had was on the field playing and the ball was again, the offense had the ball there, they’re making a move on the other side of the field. They’re going to oh wait, here comes the ball is coming back quick defense. And so this time, it wasn’t people picking grass and scooping dirt. My goalie was just sitting in the goal. Like he was just and so I yelled his name. I was like saying what a stand up state. And I kept yelling his name. And for like 15 seconds I’m screaming his name and um, and he finally looks over he goes my shoes untied. And I was like, ah carried by you’re, like I told I said you’re my goalie. The ball is right, come on. And I’m just like screaming like this child, too. You know, because when I listen, I’m a coach. These are kids. They’re learning. They’re far away from me. So I have to yell. But I think it’s what’s important is the context and how I’m yelling. I’m not saying like, you’re a bad person, because you’re not doing what I’m asking. I’m just saying like, hey, I need you to lie side. Right. And, you know, I’ve really noticed as the season has gone on that, it seems to motivate them. Now this John, I was like I said, I don’t care about your shows. You’re my goalie. I care about my goal, right? I because I really wanted to impress upon him how much I was worried about the ball going in the in the goal. And so then I had to run around after the ball was back down the other side of the field. And I went, I was like, Hey, Are your shoes, okay? Everything, okay? He’s like, Yeah, and I was like, Hey, I wasn’t yelling at you. I just wanted you to stand up. Because you’re my, you’re my goalie. You’re my goalie, you know? And he was like, Yeah, I know, Coach. I know. I was like, you’re good, right? He’s like, Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. I was like, okay, cool. Cool. Cool. And then, later in the game, we had a different goalie. And he made a nice save, he stopped the ball from going into the net. Phenomenal. i Yeah, good save. And I say I’m clapping, you know. And then he’s got the ball in his hand. And then he just starts throwing it up in the air. Like, he was so happy that he ended, he was like, I’m gonna just throw this ball up in the air. And I was like, Stop throwing shot, there was a ball. Like, you can’t just he’s like just tossing with himself, like, Hey, I’m, I’m throwing the ball here. And after the game was when I finally got a chance to talk to him, I was like, Hey, you did a great job and go, but please don’t ever, like throw the ball up in the air like that again. And he was like, why? And I was like, well, think of it this way. It’s raining out. It’s wet. Just imagine I said, and who knows, it might never happen. But maybe if it does, just imagine that you’re throwing the ball, and it bounces off your hand, it slips, whatever happens. And it rolls into the goal, what would happen? He’s like, Oh, they would they would get a goal. And I was like, yeah, and how would that make you feel? And he’s like, terrible. And I was like, yes. I’m trying to avoid you feeling terrible, because I want everyone to be happy all the time. Because that’s, you know, we’re always gonna have fun. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. But I feel like it’s my job as a as a coach, to make it as enjoyable as possible so that if these kids want to move on with this, that they’ll do it. Outro 12:42 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon. NonPro 14:01 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]