Tag: Food

Bumperpodcast #442 – Season 3 – The Future

Get ready for a laughter-packed adventure in Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, the ultimate improvised comedy podcast that promises non-stop hilarity. Join the beloved characters Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig as they tackle the daunting task of managing their podcast. In this uproarious episode, the gang finds themselves grappling with the excitement of new equipment that promises to revolutionize their show, only to discover that no one knows how to use it. Chaos ensues as calamity befalls the crew, and just when things couldn’t get any crazier, Robot makes a surprise appearance, adding to the comedic mayhem. Don’t miss out on the fun—tune in for an unforgettable ride filled with laughter, mishaps, and unexpected twists and turns.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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Transcription

Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to figure out their brand new recording equipment. Producer becomes increasingly flustered as the gang demands he master the shiny new machine on the fly, complete with moving lines, touch screens, and mysterious buttons. Robot makes a surprise return, announcing an upgrade that allows him to charge wirelessly and produce his own power. The conversation spirals into talk about The Court Sandwich Shop and whether they should order lunch during recording. With uneven audio levels, missing pop shields, and everyone getting hungry, this episode captures the hilarious dysfunction of learning new technology while trying to produce a podcast.

Memorable Quotes

“It was super crazy quiet. Did you push a button to make that happen? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Is this torturous to the people listening?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. Why do we do this? Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.”
— Producer

“I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. I guess you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.”
— Robot

Topics: #technology #newequipment #chaos #sandwiches #food #robots #recording #behindthescenes

Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Producer: Oh!

Aloysious J. Pig: Listen to that! Yeah! We have new music! Finally! Makes me happy. Not much makes me happy these days, but that makes me very happy. And also what makes me happy is that you're here and that I'm here. And I have new equipment! Yeah, just… Oh, you told him about the new equipment. Oh, it's like… It's new, it's shiny, it's got all these colors on it, it's got a touch screen, I don't know what we're doing with it, we don't really deserve it, but it's neat, and it's there, and I'm staring at it, and I can't stop staring at it, because there's lines that are moving, there's lines that are going this way, and that way. I mean, this machine, it's got lines that are going this way and that way. Who knew? I never knew, I never thought we'd ever be quite this advanced, you know? I'm looking at… I'm looking at the machine across the way there, and I don't really, I don't trust it so much, but normally we was recording in sort of, I don't know, it seemed like a shoebox that we would just kind of talk at, and I don't know how it worked either, but, you know, I was more comfortable with the kind of, you know, cardboard look of it all, kind of a wood grain, if you will, and now this thing is all shiny and plastic, and I just, I don't know about it. One thing, I just, I don't… Producer, what do you all think about it?

Producer: Yeah, well, you know, I really like it a lot, but there's, you know, when we don't… I don't know how to work it entirely, and so I can see that I can hear the voices are coming through, and so that it's good, but then I can… I've been listening back, and I can't really… The levels are different, you know, and so I'm trying to, on the fly, learn a little bit, like, on the job, and I'm also trying to kind of, you know, I don't figure this thing out. Like, there's buttons and everything, and it's just a little bit more than I was ready for, you know? Like, yes, like that, for instance. I was not ready for that even a little bit, but then, you know, sound effects, that's great. It's great for me, okay? Yeah, there it is again. There it is again. Perfect, perfect.

Aloysious J. Pig: I heard the sound effect, but it was super crazy quiet. Like, it was definitely there. I don't know where it came from. Did you push a button to make that happen, or how did it happen exactly? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Now, I mean, like, I know that we're just trying to learn this thing, but is this torturous to the people listening? Oh, yeah, it's like, oh, cool, we got new equipment, and it's just like, well, this is unlistenable. Yeah, now… Aloysius, I think you can agree with me that unlistenable is a very hurtful term. I think it's, you know, very listenable. I mean, you can put it in your ear, ear pods, ear buds, whatever the ear things are, headphones, I'm gonna guess. But, you know, and you can listen to it. It just maybe not sounds so good, but it's still, by the letter of the law, listenable, I would think. I'm not sure if it is listenable, because it's like, I… I can, in my headphones, when I talk, I can hear myself, and I sound great, and I'm like, whoa, this is gonna sound like the greatest thing ever. But then whenever you guys talk, it sounds like you're in a pipe that's in a tunnel that's under a whale. Like, you're very far away, but… But I can hear myself when I talk, so can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, I can hear me,

Producer: but everything's just very… You know, guys, this is Producer, by the way. It's a very difficult situation for you to put me into. You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and then you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. I don't even know what it's gonna do. It's got the cords coming in, it's got the lights going, it's got the little lines going, and it's plugged into the main thing over there, and I see this thing is doing that, and I'm trying to do this thing over there, and it's completely different from anything that I've ever… You know, we don't… This is… Why do we do this? We could have done this so long ago. We could have done it a week ago, two weeks. I don't know. Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.

Aloysious J. Pig: Listen, yeah, I agree with Producer. I mean, it is kind of fun to see him kind of freak out, because I've never really seen that before. He normally produces over there behind, you know, the buttons and the knobs and everything, and he's, like, making everything do whatever it's supposed to do, and now today, all of a sudden, I think we've finally… We've pushed him over the edge, and I feel a little bit guilty. Not entirely, because, uh, Bumperguy, you were the one who brought this thing in, and, uh, you know, it's kind of your fault, but, uh… Still, I mean, it's got sound effects, so what are we gonna do? Exactly. I think you just made that one work, so good job, Producer. Is there anybody in here that we could ask that would maybe know how this new technology works?

Robot: Ooh, hi, everybody. It's me, Robot. I heard that there's some new technology. I'm so excited.

Aloysious J. Pig: No, wait. Who? I thought… Hi… Mm, let's see. Hi, Robot. It's nice to see you. You actually sound like yourself again for the first time in a few years, and that's my first thing. My second thing. Hi, Robot. How did you get here? I was told that you were unplugged. Uh, Producer? Is it… Can we have a sidebar conversation? Can you do that with the new equipment, where maybe just you and I are having a conversation? Is that possible? You know, if you're gonna start talking about sidebar conversations, Natty, that's more of a legal roya type of thing. You know, we have sidebars with the judge. We have sidebars with the prosecution or the defense. You know, whoever it is, a bailiff. I've had a sidebar with a bailiff. One time, I actually went to a sandwich shop to get a sandwich, and, uh… I said, Can y'all put some pickles on my sandwich? And they said, That's over there on the sidebar. And I said, Excuse me? And they said, You know, the fixin's bar. And I said, Wait, before you just said sidebar. And then I looked up, and the sandwich place was actually called The Court. And The Court Sandwich Shop, and the people making the sandwiches, you know, sometimes the sandwich artists, well, these… They said, We'll be the judge of that. That's what the little thing said. How's your sandwich? And I said, Oh, I like… And they said, Hold on a second. We'll be the judge of that. You love your sandwich. And I was just like… I object. It was a whole thing. You know, we gotta go back to that. You ever been down to The Court Sandwich Shop? Yeah, no. I've been there. But I think Natty was trying to… Yes, it's good. I agree. It's fun. It's a great concept. But I think Natty was trying to figure out how to… Why robots here? And he was gonna talk to producer. But it's good to see that even with this new equipment, we can still spiral. We can still spiral into nonsense and not making any sense and lunchtime talk. Because, you know, it's lunchtime somewhere in the universe, I'm assuming. And I am definitely here for it. I'm… We should… Can we call in? Is that something we can do? Can we, like, order first? Order online? Is that something… Producer, can you get the website up?

Producer: No, I can't. No, I actually cannot get the website up because I'm struggling with this new equipment that you have dropped onto me. No, not… Not literally dropped on me, but just, you know, it's on my desk here. And you said, okay, new equipment, now go. And so I can't do the equipment and also do the website for the sandwich place. And, you know, and also nothing to go back to it. I don't know how robot is here, okay? The plug, I don't even know where the plug is. So it can't be plugged in because I lost the plug a long time ago, okay? This is a lot of my blood right now, you guys. You're really pressuring me a lot, okay?

Robot: Yeah. So there's no power cord anymore because I got an upgrade. And I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. It just cut the power. It just froze into me. And the more that I walk and I move and I talk, it produces more power. So I'm using energy right now, but I'm also producing power. So I guess, you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.

Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, robot. I get it. You can make power somehow. I don't really actually understand that, but it's great to see you. Maybe producer is the producer. I get it. You're making power. Good for you. I guess we don't have a pop shield anymore because I'm hearing a lot of puh, puh, puh, puh, puh is happening. But I think that's the least of our problems. I think the main problem right now is what we're going to have for lunch. That's always really the top of the problem. And then also, did this episode even record? Like, do you know, producer?

Producer: I don't know. Not you. Producer, producer. No, he's talking to me, robot. So you are still robot. I am still producer. That is still Natty. That is Aloysius J. Pig over there. And then I think we have Rufus T. Rufus. Rufus, that is Natty. You can't get to our website from that. That's just a newspaper. Oh, my goodness. This is just really all falling apart. I think maybe everyone's getting a little hungry. We should have the food delivered, I think, before the show, but then it would be a distraction, maybe just during or after, because during they would ring the bell and it would be very confusing for everyone. We just have a lot of stuff to figure out, I think.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I agree, because… Well, the problem is I think everybody's a little hungry, so maybe everyone should have a nice little snack before we come into the studio, before we start recording the Bumper Podcast. That should be the first thing. Have a little snack. You know, whatever it is. An apple, that's a great snack. An orange? No, I can't. I don't know if you heard, Robot, but I can't eat oranges anymore, or else I will explode.

Robot: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you worry that you're going to get scurvy?

Aloysious J. Pig: Natty, am I allowed to quit this show? Is that something I can do, just walk away? Believe me, Aloysius, I've been trying for years and it's in the contract. We're locked in forever.

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Unknown: Bye-bye.

May 9, 2024
Bumperpodcast #439 – Season 3 – Come On, Turkey

In this uproarious episode, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and the hilariously unexpected Turkey—dive headfirst into the world of podcast management. As they engage in side-splitting conversations with a mysterious someone, listeners are treated to a delightful blend of quick-witted banter and comedic genius.

The episode unfolds with the gang navigating the challenges of running their unconventional podcast, providing a unique behind-the-scenes peek into the hilarious happenings in Coffee-Can Alley. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer, the Bumperpodcast guarantees a comedy adventure like no other. Join Rufus, Producer, Aloysius, and Turkey in this episode that promises laughs, surprises, and an unforgettable glimpse into the whimsical world of podcast management in Coffee-Can Alley. Don’t miss the fun—hit play and let the laughter begin!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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Transcription

Aloysius J. Pig 0:04
Yeah, so everybody is gonna come on in, watch your step. Try not to knock anything over. You. Come on in, come on in, come on in. We’ll get we can get more there’s more room in here in the studio. And we can look around a little bit.

Rufus T. Rufus 0:18
Now,

everybody Aloysius J pig here, he’s given us a tour, and

I Rufus T roof isn’t just here, you know, just as for more managerial perspective, and I just kinda, you know, just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this next phase of our project. Yes. And just make sure you avoid the wires. There’s a lot of wires everywhere, but you can see the part that stood here in the things the plugs in everything’s just, you know, just what we were saying. Just be very careful as you come into this space, this studio here, where we do make the recordings for the band

Turkey, I admit it, but you do have a good point. Yeah, yeah, he

Aloysius J. Pig 1:12
does have a good point, you know, with the bumper podcast thing that we’re kind of moving on from that against, but for right now, it’s fine. You know, it doesn’t confuse anybody. This is a studio where we record a bumper podcast, we’re recording a podcast and we’re just trying to figure out what we’re doing here moving forward

Manager 1:36
maybe be your manager.

Rufus T. Rufus 1:39
Now hold on one second. Because I’m, I mean, I’m the lawyer but I’m also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole headquarters here. Just

Aloysius J. Pig 1:50
let him Let him talk. Alright, this Hold on

Rufus T. Rufus 2:03
No, apologies. You just started to be over here, I suppose taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, I

Aloysius J. Pig 2:17
think everybody knows what you’re saying. All right. So back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio we used to record a bumper podcast here. I’m Aloysius jpg gets full press T Rufus over there is produced and obviously missing from the equation. He’s Natty Bumpercar We haven’t seen him in a long time. So that’s why we’ve reached out to you

Manager 2:41
because it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad that you called me and I’m looking around here and I can see

Aloysius J. Pig 2:52
all right that I mean that sounds good and a lot a lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean that makes sense to me. We want to get me well we do when we get started as soon as possible because we’ve been kind of languishing I think is the proper time

Rufus T. Rufus 3:13
again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us even consider it well said Turkana Aloysius What do you think about that? That that that point there that took it just me When

Aloysius J. Pig 3:28
did you intend to become such good pals? This is a nice relationship friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey yet. That does make sense. We don’t want to just like trash everything. Throw everything away. Maybe we can get some storage boxes, we can put things you know, I think there’s probably some room over in the shed.

Producer 3:48
Which which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about the the big shade or the or the Play Stick shade? Or this is a lot of shade around? You know,

Rufus T. Rufus 3:58
I mean, it could be you’re seeing the blue shed that’s out back? It could be the green shed, it’s out front?

Producer 4:07
I mean,

Rufus T. Rufus 4:08
I don’t understand what natty was doing. How do you collect shapes like it sheds is something that you’re going to store stuff in? So why would you just keep getting more and more sheds like we it looks if I look around at corners up there. It looks like we’re like a Mr. Shit like we’re gonna be selling shit at some point. You know? Like, come on down to guess bumper cars crazy shit Emporium. Where you can buy the best stop pointing

Manager 4:49
gonna stick around we’re not gonna do bird we’re not gonna do none of those. Well,

Aloysius J. Pig 4:58
no. Okay, well gonna know tangents that’s Wow, that is gonna be quite different because normally this show exists to just just to tangent like so like we look like instead of a road like uncooked spaghetti which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around the dike that’s kind of you guys think of pasta for lunch? Maybe? Yeah,

Rufus T. Rufus 5:29
I could certainly go over some pasta. You know, this weekend, we got a big game. And so I want to Cabo row.

Producer 5:37
Right, exactly. She’s kind of loud. What do you what is he talking about?

Rufus T. Rufus 5:45
Turkey, you know, so? Yeah.

So listen, so what we do before the big game, is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes it better have more energy mix was much more, you know, just more of a spark, you know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make moves and do what we do whatever them. So that’s what is carbo loading.

And then you’re ready to go. Yeah.

Aloysius J. Pig 6:18
So I think producing is a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you’re playing? And who is playing in it? And what where is it? I don’t know. Just explain a little bit this this whole game thing that you’re talking about?

Producer 6:37
No, no, we didn’t get the email, I guess. I guess, maybe just you and the roof is we’re talking about these intramural sports that you’re doing between different podcasts. And I said, and I checked my email all the time. And I said, I’m looking now there’s no mercy from you. 30. I’m looking in my spam. Sorry, Emily. She’s looking out through everything and they don’t see any messages from any of you.

Manager 7:12
Red Line over there on the red line. Even me

Aloysius J. Pig 7:15
not a red light this mean check Tia, I think it means that the power is on. And I still with that? I

Producer 7:22
think that we’re recording I would think yes, yes, the red light. It doesn’t mean the powder is on it just means that we are recording the things that are transpiring here in the studio

Manager 7:39
recording on the podcast, everything you

Rufus T. Rufus 7:48
know, we got to do here is anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording and the light The light is read over the you know, and that just means that we are recording the podcast and or recording something that you know, I guess well

Aloysius J. Pig 8:12
is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule. And you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live there, like hey, we want to know the day and the time that your pod gates is going to come out every single week and we don’t have that capability. And so what we do, a lot of the time is if we’re gonna have a conversation, it’s like hold on, let’s just go talk into studio producer came you know, turn on record and then bang, bang, boom, we got another podcast

Manager 8:49
this is going to be a podcast I don’t even know what kind of a situation I’ve gotten myself into. was gonna come in a few walls. And then be with

Rufus T. Rufus 9:08
I mean, I thought we were just hanging out lollygag and a bit just, you know, just talking to talk a little pod cast, team to podcast, Matt and Mr. We’re gonna knock down walls. I don’t doesn’t make no sense to me. Where’s the budget for that?

Producer 9:30
Yes. So ever reaches the budget is we don’t have any money right now. But what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers, or the podcast, you know, like, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash,

Aloysius J. Pig 9:47
I will not be washing cars. Do you get me for no sir. I will not be doing that. Duly noted.

Producer 9:56
Then we were also thinking you No going around and sending cookies didn’t even like boxes of cookies, people love cookies.

Rufus T. Rufus 10:08
I do think to be honest, I love cookies and all that. And I think everyone here understands the legal ramifications. So the girls that don’t go around and they sell the cookies every year and we can’t begin that that tour tour is taken, we can’t jump in there, we’re gonna they’re very tough group we’re not gonna I don’t not want to tussle with looking at cookie girls. So I think that’s not a good idea either.

Aloysius J. Pig 10:36
I don’t want to fit. This is an EN tz no tassel endzone. Also, this is an I’m starvin zone because earlier we’re talking about pasta. And then now we’re talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it’s just like that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal and kind of where my mind is now I’ve kind of given up on this whole room thing this is this podcast managed to help or whatever and I think we should probably break for lunch or whatever what time is it whatever it was so whatever meal people eat at at 330 I don’t know

Manager 11:28
talk about you guys are just gonna go to 330 meals.

Rufus T. Rufus 11:36
I’m not concerned about what the meal is. But I don’t know if everybody else is here.

I always don’t like to detract from people who are here especially people who are trying to help us but you’ll your voice is grading it. It’s I don’t know what it is about it. But I do feel like Allah which is if we’re gonna start having people on the show. Let’s talk to him a little bit before we come in the studio. We can tell producer like hey, do not record this. This is not gonna sound good, be pleasing to people

Manager 12:16
and you ain’t even one being I got a podcast and you want to stay

Aloysius J. Pig 12:27
turnkey come on

Outro 12:42
the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and Rufus T. Rufus give a tour of their studio to potential new manager Doodle Poodle. With host Natty Bumpercar still missing, the crew discusses the future of the podcast while navigating cluttered wires, multiple storage sheds, and Turkey's confusing interjections. Doodle Poodle quickly becomes frustrated with the show's tangent-heavy format and questions why they're even recording. The conversation spirals through topics like carbo-loading for mysterious sports games, cookie fundraisers, and whether 3:30 is an appropriate meal time. Rufus eventually admits that Doodle Poodle's grating voice might not be suitable for podcasting, leading to an awkward confrontation.

Memorable Quotes

“When I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this. We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. We're going to stick to it. We're not going to diverge.”
— Doodle Poodle

“We look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Your voice is so loud. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like we should talk to people before we come in the studio so we can tell producer, do not record this.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #podcastmanagement #studiotour #food #tangents #missinghost #friendshipconflicts #fundraising

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Turkey, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so everybody just come on in watch your step try not to knock anything over come on in come on in come on in uh we can get more there's more room in here in uh the studio and then we can look around a little bit yeah now uh so everybody

Rufus T. Rufus: al oish is jay pig here he's giving us a tour and uh i rufus t rufus i'm just here you know just as from a more managerial uh perspective and i just kind of you know just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this uh next phase of our project yes and so just

Turkey: make sure you avoid the wires there's a lot of wires everywhere but you know because he the studio and the things the plugs and everything so just you know i just what we were saying just be very careful as you come into the space the studio here where we do make the recordings for the

Rufus T. Rufus: bumper podcast yeah turkey i hate to admit it but you do have a good point there yeah yeah he does

Aloysious J. Pig: have a good point you know with the bumper podcast thing that we're kind of moving on from that i guess but for right now it's fine you know it doesn't confuse anybody this is a studio you where we record the bumper podcast recording the podcast you know we're just trying to figure out

Doodle Poodle: what we're doing here moving forward yep yep yep well don't you mind me i'm on my way around the podcast studio you know that's why you guys called me in to maybe be your manager

Rufus T. Rufus: well now hold on one second there because i'm i mean i'm the lawyer but i'm i'm also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole uh headquarters here rufus just let him let

Aloysious J. Pig: Let him talk, all right? Just hold on. Do I need to leave? Everything's going to be all right, all right?

Doodle Poodle: Okay, because I can just go. If you guys don't know what you're doing, then I can just head on out right now. I don't mind doing it now.

Rufus T. Rufus: I'll apologize. I'll just be over here, I suppose, taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I'm saying?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think everybody knows what you're saying. All right, so back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio. We used to record the Bumper Podcast here. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. That's Rufus T. Rufus over there as producer. And obviously, missing from the equation, he's Natty Bumpercar. We haven't seen him in a long time. So that's why we reached out to you.

Doodle Poodle: Well, all I know is it's nice to meet you, and I'm glad that you called me. And I'm just looking around this room here, and I can see a lot of improvements that we can make as soon as possible.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right, I mean, that sounds good. A lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean, that makes sense to me. I mean, we do want to get started as soon as possible, because we've been kind of languishing, I think is the proper term.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us are even considering. Well said, Turkey. Now, Aloysius, what do you think about that point there that Turkey just made?

Aloysious J. Pig: When did you and Turkey become such good pals? This is a nice relationship, friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey, yeah, that does make sense. We don't want to just, like, trash everything, throw everything away. Maybe we could get some storage boxes. We could put things, you know, I think there's probably some room over in the shed.

Turkey: Now, which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about? The big shed, or the plastic shed, or there's a lot of sheds around, you know?

Rufus T. Rufus: I mean, it could be, like you're saying, the blue shed that's out back. It could be the green shed that's out front. I mean, I don't understand what Natty was doing. How do you collect sheds? Like, sheds are something that you're going to store stuff in, so why would you just keep getting more and more sheds? It's like, it looks… If I look around headquarters out there, it looks like we're, like, a Mr. Shed. Like, we're going to be selling sheds at some point, you know? Like, come on down to, I guess, Bumper Car's Crazy Shed Emporium, where you can buy the best…

Doodle Poodle: No, hold on a second. You've got to stop talking.

Rufus T. Rufus: Point taken, point taken.

Doodle Poodle: Yeah, because when I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this, okay? We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. And we're going to… Stick to it, all right? We're not going to diverge. We're not going to have tangents. We're not going to do none of that stuff, okay?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, no… Okay. We're going to… No tangents? That's… Wow. That is going to be quite the difference, because normally this show exists just to tangent. Like, we look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me. Like, that's kind of… Oh. You guys thinking of pasta for lunch, maybe?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I could certainly go for some pasta. You know, this weekend we've got a big game, and so I want a carbo-road.

Turkey: Not exactly. It's just carbo-road. What is he talking about?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, turkey and turkey, you know. So, listen. So, what we… What we do before the big game is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes our body have more energy. It makes us have much more, you know, just more of a spark. You know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make our moves and do what we do and everything. So, that's just carbo-loading. You eat a lot of pasta, and then you're ready to go.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So, I think… Producer and I are a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you're playing, and who is playing in it, and what… Where is it being… I don't know. Just explain a little bit this whole game thing that you're talking about.

Doodle Poodle: Huh. No.

Turkey: Yeah, no. We didn't get the email, I guess. I guess maybe just you and Rufus were talking about these intramural sports that you're doing between different podcasts, and I said, and I checked my email. All the time, and I said, I'm looking now. There's no message from you, Turkey. I'm looking in my spam. Sorry, Aloysius. I'm looking all through everything, and I don't see any messages from any of you.

Doodle Poodle: Okay, so I just need all of y'all to stop talking, because here's what's happening. You're wasting my time, and why is that red light over there on? What does that red light even mean?

Aloysious J. Pig: Ah, the red light just means that the, uh, I think it means that the power is on. And that, I guess, I think that we're recording, I would think.

Turkey: Yes, yes. The red light, it doesn't mean the power is on. It just means that, uh, we are recording, uh, the things that are transpiring here in the, um, uh, studio.

Doodle Poodle: Well, I don't understand even one thing. Why would you be recording this? You can't put this out. This isn't a podcast. You're just wasting power and wasting everything. You're wasting my time, and you're wasting your time. No.

Rufus T. Rufus: See it? What we kind of do here is, uh, anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording, and the light, the light is red over there, you know, and that just means that, uh, that we are recording the podcast, and, uh, we're recording something, you know, I guess.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, here's the thing, is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule, and, uh, you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live their life. Hey, we want to know the day and the time that your podcast is going to come out every single week, and we don't have that capability. And so what we do a lot of the time is, if we're going to have a conversation, uh, it's like, hold on, let's just go talk in the studio, producer can, you know, turn on record, and then, bing, bang, boom, we got another podcast.

Doodle Poodle: So you're telling me that this is going to be a podcast? Yes, or this, that doesn't make any sense, this is just, I don't even know what kind of a situation I've gotten myself into. I thought I was going to come in here, knock down a few walls, put up a new sign, and then be ready to go, but that does not seem to be what we're doing here.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't, I, I mean, I thought we were just here hanging out, just lollygagging a bit, just, uh, you know, just talking the talk, a little podcaster team. Wait, a podcaster, ma, mister, uh, wait, I didn't, we're gonna knock down walls, I don't, that doesn't make no sense to me, I, where's the budget for that?

Turkey: Yes, so, uh, Aloysius, the budget is, uh, we don't have any money right now, but what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers for the podcast, you know, like, uh, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash? I.

Aloysious J. Pig: Will. Not. A. Mission. Cause. Do you get me, producer? I will not be doing that.

Turkey: Duly noted. Um, then we were also thinking of, you know, uh, uh, going around and selling, uh, cookies to people, like boxes of cookies, people love boxes of cookies.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I, I, I do think that the, I, I love cookies, I know that, and I, I think everyone here, uh, understands, uh, the legal ramifications, uh, the, the, the, the, the girls, they don't go around and they sell the cookies every year, and then we can't, we can't, that, that tour-a-tour is taken. We can't jump in there, we're gonna, they're a very tough group, we're not gonna, I don't not wanna tussle with the cookie, cookie girls, so, uh, I think that's not a good idea either.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I don't wanna, this is an NTZ, uh, no tussling zone. Also, this is a, an I'm starving zone, because earlier we was talking about pasta, and then now we're talking about cookies. We're talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it's just like, that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal, and, uh, kind of where my mind is now, I've kind of given up on this whole, uh, room thing, this, this, this, this podcast manager help or whatever, and, uh, I think we should probably, uh, break for, for lunch, or whatever, what time is it? It's like three, three thirty? Okay, whatever, whatever. Three thirty? Yeah. So, what time do you think, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time should meal people eat at, at, at three thirty? I, I don't know.

Doodle Poodle: So, are you telling me that I came all the way down here to have a meal and, you know, talk about a new podcast, and now all of a sudden you guys are just gonna go and have lunch or whatever. Three thirty meal, well. Yeah. I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I, I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us. But your, your voice is so loud. Oh, you're so loud. I, I'm sorry. for a 3.30 meal.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us, but your voice is grating. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like Aloysius, if we're going to start having people on the show, let's talk to them a little bit before we come in the studio so that we can tell producer, like, hey, do not record this. This is not going to sound good. He's pleasing to people's ears.

Doodle Poodle: I know. I've got more podcasting experience and skill and talent in my pinkie toe than you have. I'm going to all gather together. I don't appreciate what y'all are saying. I've got awards for podcasting. You understand?

Aloysious J. Pig: Turkey, come on!

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash WTPS.com. www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodlepoole, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com

Doodle Poodle: … …

Unknown: … …

March 8, 2024
Bumperpodcast #437 – Season 3 – Help

Welcome to Coffee Can Alley! Welcome to the Bumperpodcast, your go-to destination for uproariously silly improvised comedy. In this episode, Pig tries to get to the bottom of some things while Producer and Rufus T. Rufus do anything but figure anything out!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this hilariously chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to address an important issue but gets completely derailed by Rufus T. Rufus's nostalgic tale about Jack's Snack Shack down by the creek. The conversation spirals into debates about double negatives, food preferences, and whether Rufus might actually be a horse based on his love of oats and carrots. Producer joins in with confusing grading systems and his sensitivity about eating flies, while Aloysious struggles to keep everyone on track. The episode showcases the show's trademark improvisational comedy as the characters bicker, joke, and ultimately forget what they were even trying to discuss in the first place.

Memorable Quotes

“Jack's Snack Shack way out back is a hack, all right?”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I don't want to get personal, but are you a horse? Because what you just described is basically the snack of a horse.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Jack's Snack from way out back does not have any kind of a lack for giving smacks, in fact, he has a knack for giving stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon smacks.”
— Producer

Topics: #food #snacks #nostalgia #communication #jack'ssnackshack #workplacecomedy #grammar

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Producer, Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: now yes so all i'm saying is he's a problem right so if he's gonna be a problem and then we gotta change the name of the show or something yeah well so you know it's not

Producer: like i don't not disagree hold on don't not disagree don't not this yes it's like i don't

Rufus T. Rufus: not disagree however you know yeah now so i this is rufus t rufus now as a lawyer around here once we start throwing out double negatives and triple negatives as it were you understand with uh don't being the first one there not being the second one there so the don't and the not are going to cancel each other out and then the disagree i would i think is going to be your third negative so that's your triple negative which i think is going to bring it back into the fold of

Aloysious J. Pig: being negative and um now i just think we gotta stick to the matter at hand no i understand i'm

Rufus T. Rufus: just trying to keep it straight from a legalese point of view yeah well nobody really cares about

Aloysious J. Pig: the legalese point of view at the moment because i think what we're trying to figure out is a bigger

Producer: issue here all right yes so i totally don't not agree with you oh come on

Aloysious J. Pig: I don't get paid unless I make the podcast, so I'm around, right? And I need to eat. I'm a pig who likes to eat food, okay? Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, it's interesting, Aloysius. I'm not a pig, you understand, but I am someone who does enjoy the food, enjoys eating, you know? And I have been reminiscing a little bit about when I was young, before I was ever a lawyer, you understand, when I was just in short pants and I was walking around by the creek, you understand? And there was a little shack there, and it was a snack shack, they called it. And I would go on up to the snack shack, and to the manager's name was Jack. I think it was called Jack's Snack Shack. And I would go in, and I would… Peruse the aisles. There's really only one aisle, but I would peruse it up and down, left and right, and I would pick out my favorite food in the whole wide world.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right, you got me hooked. I want to know what your favorite food in the whole wide world is, but then we got to get back to the real thing, but I'm intrigued by the whole creek and whatever you got going on there. Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, well, okay, wow. Well, what I would find is that Jack's Snack Shack, Jack's Snack Shack is they had, it was dry rolled oats, and they would come in a little packet, and a little sack there, and then I'd get a little apple juice, so some oats and some apple juice, and sometimes I might eat a carrot or two as well.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, Rufus, I don't want to get personal, I don't want to get into your business, but are you a horse? Because what you just described is basically the snack, of a horse, like you're going to go in, horse love, they love eating oats, they love eating carrots, and they love apples, so that's who, I don't know if they drink apple juice, or if they're those things, it's like, oh, I'll eat an apple, but I won't eat apple sauce,

Rufus T. Rufus: or they won't eat apple juice, but I will eat apples, and you're like, buddy, it's the same thing. All right, it's just in a different package, all right?

Producer: So, hold on a second, so I'm looking it up on all of the, all of the internets, every single one, and I am not finding Jack's Snack Shack, done by the creek, but I am finding a Jack's Snack Shack that's way out back, you understand, I don't, that's this other part of town, I think, and it's got wonderful reviews, maybe we should take a field trip out there one day.

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, now, you know, not to burst your bubble there, producer, and I do appreciate you doing research on the fly like that.

Producer: Oh, how do I love eating flies, they're our mice, my favorite food, you know, if we're talking about it.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, we're not talking about it, we just want to figure out whatever Rufus is talking about, but, okay, thanks for the info.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, now, as I was saying, now, the Jack's Snack Shack that they have listed there that's way out back, that is not actually affiliated with Jack's Snack Shack that's done by the creek, that, so that one is closer to the tracks, you understand, so it's Jack's Snack Shack that's done by the tracks, and what had happened was Jack, the proprietor, had opened up his Snack Shack down by the tracks near the creek, and that's the one that everybody went to, that's the one everybody knows, that's where the reputation was built, and lo and behold, Jack had a cousin, also, watch this, he named John, but they called himself Jack, so Jack, number two, moves into town, sees how well Jack's Snack Shack is doing, and he's like, oh, well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what the hell Jack's Snack Shack is doing, and the good reputation it has, and proceeds to go out back and open himself up his own Snack Shack, so what I'm saying is that Jack's Snack Shack way out back is a hack, all right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't want to detract from Jack's Snack Shack way out back, or else he might come on over here and give you a smack, is what I've heard about that guy, okay?

Producer: Yeah, no, I've heard the same thing, where Jack's Snack, Jack's Snack from way out back does not have any kind of a lack for giving smacks, in fact, he has a knack for giving stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon smacks, and you might have to get out of town on your, um, Jack?

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, yeah, this took a terrible turn, there's everything since doing this podcast, but, you know, we're just chitin', chattin', and having a little bit of fun, and then out of nowhere, everything goes loop-de-loo, and I, I, producer, I just felt like you were forcing there, you were, you know, just pushing a little bit harder than you needed to, I thought we had a good, uh, uh, uh, premise, and we, you know, we could have ridden it home, but, and you start, I don't know, I don't even know what you were doing.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, I agree that it was terrible, but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give producer an A for effort, or is it E for effort? Is E even a, that's not a letter, Greg? Is it E for effort, and T for nice try? E for effort? How does that, and T's not, I don't know what we're doing, because that's, these aren't letter grades, it's A, B, C, D, E, F. Wait, but E's not in there. A, B, C, I got a D, oh, no, I got an F on my test. What's in E? Is that in between, I'm like, where does, how do I get an E? I would like to get an E, I think it's better than an F. It's one better than an F. One letter. That's better than a D.

Producer: Yeah, so when I was in frog school, we didn't have all of those letters, the A's and the B's or whatever. We had an S, which was for satisfactory, and we have an N, which was for needs to be more satisfactory, I think. Needs improvement. What are we talking about that needs improvement? The sound, can you not hear? What are you talking about?

Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, I think he was saying your S was better than a D. S was satisfactory, and then your N, it was an N, was for needs improvement, as opposed to needs more, you know, I don't, can we not, this has got my head all in a jumble here. I got this dude over here, who's eating like a horse lunch, oats and carrots and applesauce, juice, sorry, but he had not, I know, you don't like applesauce.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, no, but that's fine. Well, what was it, you had some sort of a bug in your bonnet before when we first started talking, when we all came into the room, and I don't have, I don't remember, that was minutes ago, and I don't have any idea what we was talking about initially, and so if anybody wants to refresh my memory, if I'm to be honest, my blood sugar's a little bit low because I hadn't had a chance to have a snack or even really a little bit of a lunch today. I'm feeling a little bit peckish, which, if you know, if you know what that means.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, I'm worried because when you said peckish, that you were like, I think chickens, they peck, right? They peck, peck, peck, peck, peck their food, so does peckish have anything to do with, do you want to eat some bird seed? Do you want, I don't know what else birds eat. Do birds eat other things? Oh, yes, absolutely. Birds eat bugs and worms. Really? Yeah, worms. Two. I had no idea. It's a lot. I find that to be unsettling. Huh?

Producer: Rather disgusting. I mean, I don't know why, you know, you don't have to eat it. If the bird says that he wants to eat it, if that's the meal that the bird wants to have, then the bird should be able to have that, I think, you know? What does it even impact you, what the bird is eating? Why don't you just eat whatever you want to eat? I assume it's trash or slop or whatever it is, you know, because you're a pig. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I, I, I don't eat. I don't eat trash. Uh, thank you, though, for, for falling into that pig stereotype. Uh, I, I eat, uh, you know, delicious things is what I, I'm going to say, and I don't want to get into it. I don't want to go any deeper, but I eat delicious things. Thank you very much.

Rufus T. Rufus: You know, now I'm feeling like this is a little bit strange, Aloysius, because you're over there making fun of my snack, which is a very healthy snack, my doctor. Uh, agrees and approves. He says, uh, this, he's never seen anyone eat quite as, as healthy a food as I do. And, and, and, and, yeah, we're making fun of a little bit of, uh, the frog over here, uh, producer for eating flies. I mean, what else is he going to eat, you know? And then, uh, me saying I'm peckish, and then you're saying, oh, what are you, some sort of bird or something? Come on now, Aloysius. Now you're not even going to tell us what you eat? Like, how is that supposed to make us feel? This isn't a team. This isn't us coming together and learning about each other. This is just you making fun of everybody and making us feel bad about ourselves, which just doesn't feel, uh, appropriate. Or, or, or right, you know, you see?

Producer: Yeah, I don't want to, you know, jump onto Rufus's curtails or anything, but, you know, this whole time, it's like I, I don't not disagree with him about him saying these things about the food, and about the making fun of, and about all these, uh, you know, stuff. So, because I'm sensitive about the flies, I am. You know, people look at me, and they're like, oh, bro, he eats flies? And I'm like, I'm a frog. What am I supposed to do, okay? So, hold on.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, nobody cares. Okay, thank you, producer. I apologize if I made fun of anybody, made anybody feel bad. I feel terrible. Um, but I remember when you said the don't not thing, that brought me all the way back to the beginning of the episode when we were, oh, don't not, not, whatever. And I had a whole point. I had a whole point that I was trying to bring up with this episode. And, um, we got sidetracked, as we often do. So, here's what I actually wanted to talk about, okay?

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced by The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can find us on Twitter at Natty Bumpercar.com. And follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

February 9, 2024
Bumperpodcast #428 – Season 3 – News

“News” is a side-splitting episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the wacky town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig engage in a series of humorous tangents as they attempt to discuss some exciting news. As they get sidetracked by everything from current events to bizarre hypothetical scenarios, the gang’s banter becomes increasingly absurd and comical.

Despite the numerous distractions, the gang eventually receives the exciting news they were waiting for, leading to even more hilarity and unpredictable twists. With its quick wit, playful banter, and unexpected punchlines, “News” is a prime example of the Bumperpodcast’s ability to create unforgettable improvised comedy. The show celebrates the art of improvisation, and this episode is a testament to the cast’s comedic talent.

Listeners will be entertained from beginning to end, as the gang navigates their way through the absurdity of Coffee-Can Alley with humor and grace. “News” is a must-listen for anyone looking for a good laugh and a break from the mundane.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

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Natty Bumpercar 0:00
For you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys. You guys. You guys. You guys.

Aloysius J. Pig 0:07
What is it Bumpercar What’s so excited about what you’ve seen he came in really hot, you seem very excited I am I’m super excited. But I’m also

Producer 0:15
really bothered just nippy, I didn’t do what you are super excited about. But maybe you want to tell us because your team very happy

Natty Bumpercar 0:23
I am producer but the house will have a problem I have I have something that I’m super excited about. But then I also have something that I’m kind of frustrated and bothered about. So which one do you want first?

Rufus T. Rufus 0:33
Well, not here as your lawyer. I recommend that we’re gonna get the bad news out of the way first, and then we can end on the high note. Because you know, that’s what I think it’s a better way to do business.

Aloysius J. Pig 0:49
You know, Rufus has a point because I always said you’re just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down into that same way that CRD it opposite roofers, that when you get the good news fires, and then it softens the blow of the of the of the bad nose. So I don’t know, I guess we’re of two minds,

Producer 1:08
or two seems like a lot of sugar that you’re taking a whole spoonful, it’s going to definitely go over your daily requirements of sugar. So yeah, that seems like it’s a bad equation. You know, if you’ve got to take your medicine, you just kind of let it go medicine, you don’t have to be taking all of it. Sugar as well. And you know, they say if you’re sick, you don’t want to be taking a lot of sugar.

Natty Bumpercar 1:31
Okay, yeah. Well, that’s, that’s that’s a good point. I you know, I Rufus, I see what you’re saying, you know, bad news, get it out of the way. Good news. And on a high note, pig, I see what you’re saying. Also, the good news is going to ease you into the bad news. And, and and producer, I think you’re right. I think that probably too much sugar isn’t really going to help if someone is sick. And you know, what kind of medicine is it that we’re taking that you’re going to need a spoonful of sugar? And is it just a spoonful of sugar? And then is it a spoonful of medicine? Because that one to one ratio is just not going to be good? I’m gonna have to reach like, if you ever tried to eat a spoonful of sugar, it is not easy

Rufus T. Rufus 2:16
at all. Now not as your lawyer it’s me. Hi, everyone. It’s Rufus here. We are not a medical advice. No. And so I’m hesitant for you to be out here with your equations and your representations. And your I don’t know you’re just kind of spewing some medical advice and I don’t think we’re comfortable and number one be telling you Okay, so watch ourselves a little bit here. i So, what we will do is everyone please ignore nine, the sugar medicine that was that was previously discussed on this bar now. Okay. And I think we may not it will just move forward with whatever your big news is or whatever. Okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar 3:08
Okay. Totally makes sense. Totally agree. Yeah, I don’t really think we were giving medical advice, but you are the lawyer so I will listen to you. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I have two numbers. In my head. Pig. I’m gonna let you count the numbers that

Aloysius J. Pig 3:24
are between 711 Seven left seven.

Natty Bumpercar 3:27
You went a little too fast there. I didn’t tell you what they were in between. So pickle is in a pickle. No, that’s also that’s actually not even a number. That’s it’s yeah,

Aloysius J. Pig 3:37
it’s delicious. Are you gonna agree that pickles are wonderful. You get sweet pickles? You got sour pickles? You could sometimes I spicy pickle. I mean pickles. Really? They could they run the gamut of different kinds of I don’t know if they what are they called? They’re not condiments are not side items. What does it pick up? Exactly?

Rufus T. Rufus 3:54
I think that the word you’re looking for as a contract ma I think what you’re looking for is kind of a flourish you know on a plate. I think a pickle is one of those things. It’s an add on the just elevates your meal a little bit. Let’s say I’m having a butter sandwich which is of course delicious. You take your bread and you put your butter on and then you sprinkle a little a little sugar and the

Producer 4:24
sugar there. Yeah. A lot of sugar.

Rufus T. Rufus 4:27
We’ve been sponsored by big sugar this week. Nothing sugar. Did they call him

Natty Bumpercar 4:31
no no excuse. No one called in and watch the microphone. You just ran into it? No, but first off I’ve never had a butter sandwich. That sounds great. It sounds really great. But so it’s it’s it’s it’s bread and butter and then sugar and then more bread. Yeah, that just I I don’t see any nutritional value coming Any any of that? Really? Yeah. And

Aloysius J. Pig 5:01
I’m wondering, what is real fish with a woody giving you this butter sandwich with the sugar before they were giving you some sort of medicine? Just a sandwich and helps that. And with I don’t know what I was doing there Yeah,

Rufus T. Rufus 5:23
you will you would be ruining the whole day we were here we were talking about butter sandwiches. It’s a delicious treat. And we were talking about pickles, and I finally figured out what they are the Okay, just don’t worry.

Natty Bumpercar 5:39
Don’t worry about it. Cool. I don’t want to talk about pickles anymore.

Producer 5:43
Hold on one second that they pickled is actually a cucumber then. So it’s like you magically you take the cucumber, and you just have to do some I don’t know things to it, and then it becomes a little bit of a pickle.

Aloysius J. Pig 5:57
Everybody knows what a pickle is?

Producer 6:01
Not a yes or no, no.

Aloysius J. Pig 6:03
Why don’t produce Why don’t you go back behind the board. You’ve done a lot of talking done today’s episode. And you just handle the buttons and knobs and the tubes and the wires and everything back there. And oh, come on pump like I was you know, yeah, we’re like 17 minutes into we’re not we’re not and I finally I’m ready. I’m actually what it is, is I’m not ready for the news. But I’m just done with this whole thing. Whoa. And so I’m ready to be done. Okay, if that’s okay, yeah, that’s

Natty Bumpercar 6:30
totally fine and totally understandable and totally acceptable. So, here’s the news. The good news, and it’s pretty phenomenal, I think, is that the bumper podcast just past 80,000 listens in the time that 80,000 listeners to this podcast since we started.

Rufus T. Rufus 6:54
A lawyer here. Let me just get some papers out here are 80,000 I feel like we have reached some sort of out here. We have a contract threshold here and the contract. Yeah. Yeah. At 8000 and every 20,004. After that. We are on to receive a PayPal.

Aloysius J. Pig 7:19
So we get paid.

Rufus T. Rufus 7:23
A percentage, I think. I suppose I can circle up and I’m gonna come back on this if you don’t mind, because my list is wonderful news. Congratulations to everyone. Yeah, good job. We should have some sort of a party, maybe get some sandwiches and put some pickles.

Aloysius J. Pig 7:43
Don’t come Don’t do that to him rule for you. Wow, good job. Bomberger. Everyone is super thrilled at the bumper podcast, it’s been listened to over 80,000 times. That’s amazing. And we’re why like 430 episodes in 12 years, can somebody do the math and tell me like, What is that like eight listens per episode? Like two, two lessons per year? Like what is it a good number I don’t even know allergies.

Producer 8:10
I know, I’m not supposed to talk, but I respect her crunching some numbers and I came up with this. So 430 episodes, it means divided by, well, you have 280 1000 divided by 430. And it comes up to like 187 episodes. Okay. And then if you think there’ll be deeper

Rufus T. Rufus 8:34
now, it was a one second I don’t I don’t mean to interrupt, because these wonderful numbers you’ve come up with. But I was wondering, can you make some sort of spreadsheet with some sort of shot? Maybe a bar chart? Maybe it’s a good idea? I don’t know. Maybe it’s some sort of a pie chart or something.

Natty Bumpercar 8:51
Now you now you’re talking I did not enjoy the reference to the pickle party. But I very much enjoy the reference to a pie chart because I think you all know I love a good pie. Yeah, I

Aloysius J. Pig 9:03
mean, how could you not pie pie pies? Pies. Good. Because you can have a sweet pie. You can do like an apple. Or like Apple rhubarb or strawberry rhubarb. A little berry is another good pie.

Rufus T. Rufus 9:19
I mean, you can do a Marang also, you can do like lemon Marang you can I mean there’s so many options for pie.

Producer 9:26
You know, was one of the talks about the numbers but nothing we’re talking about bias. You can have sweet pies you can have savory pies, which are just delicious. You know, you can have like a good dumpling kind of pie. Or you can have a minced pie I don’t know really what that is. You can have a Thanksgiving pie

Natty Bumpercar 9:49
weird Turkey you didn’t show up for the Thanksgiving episode you forgot to come I guess. But now you just appear when when when when producer mentioned A Thanksgiving pie I

Producer 10:09
completely understand and you know, I was not going to be in tentative, I was just going to go over the numbers, and we were talking about pies. And then I got a little bit over my skis. But really quickly, I just wanted to tell everybody, so if you take the numbers or 800,000, I think we’ve been doing this or something like 12 years, and you divide the 8000 by 12 years, you come up with how many episodes are no Debbie, listen to? You don’t think of that.

Natty Bumpercar 10:39
Yeah, that sounds like yes, I would very much like to hear that. I mean, it’s not going to be super representative, because I’m sure as less listens in the beginning that maybe it is now but yeah, tell us what, how what that number breaks down.

Producer 10:50
Okay, with everyone from freaking the one out but if you divide 1000 by 12, you know, the year, it comes up to 6,666.66666?

Rufus T. Rufus 11:05
Nope, you’re gonna we’re gonna either than we we’ve been doing it shorter or longer, because that number is not acceptable. And that is the good news was the 80,000. That’s the bad news. And is that we just does this doesn’t seem acceptable to me at all. Bad luck home in Canada

Natty Bumpercar 11:20
number. No, it has nothing to do with the bad news that I think that that number is totally random. And you know, we’d have to go back and look at see when we actually started and everything because I don’t really no, but no, don’t let, let’s let’s not freak out about that. We’ll just say it was around 6500 per year, roughly. And then that feels a lot better. I agree. But no, no, no, no, that’s this is all great news. This is all the good news. Good news. 80,000 listens way to go. Bumper podcast. Thank you so much bumper podcast, good tears. You know, we’ve been on the non pro network. We’ve been on the shining wizards. Podcast Network. We’re currently on Radio Free Montclair. So it’s great. We’re doing things. I appreciate it. But we also have some bad news. I think we have time that I should probably talk about

Aloysius J. Pig 12:11
that. Yeah, you should probably get to it. What is the what is the bad news?

Natty Bumpercar 12:14
Well, the bad news is I don’t know if you listen to the last week’s episode, but that guy still has all of our equipment and so we haven’t even been recording this. I’ve this is just a brick that I put in front of you all and this isn’t really an episode. This was we didn’t have an episode this week, right.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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April 28, 2023
Bumperpodcast #386 – A new microphone

Natty is still stuck in a car – but, now he has a new microphone. He also has no lunch …. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar and Aloysious J. Pig discuss the podcast's irregular recording schedule in this hilariously chaotic episode. Pig discovers he's been getting paid while Natty works for mere 'exposure,' leading to a debate about artist compensation featuring negotiated payment in tacos and quesadillas. Rufus T. Rufus weighs in on contracts and accounting while managing to mangle the names of Pig's other show's characters. The gang touches on missed episodes, Halloween stories that are now too old to tell, and lost computers before wrapping up with detailed nacho orders and pandemic safety reminders.

Memorable Quotes

“Exposure doesn't buy me any tacos”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“We're paying you with experience. This is a high profile gig, which means you're getting a lot of eyeballs, a lot of ears on your product.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“You gotta pay the talent and everybody knows that I'm the talent. I can make a little song, I could do a little dance, I could tell a couple jokes.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #comedy #podcasting #artistcompensation #contracts #food #recordingschedules #friendship

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast the uh once every uh three or four weeks uh podcast that happens sometimes exciting news uh we got a little microphone that plugs into the computer so that as i'm sitting in the car i don't know if you listened to the last episode it was so long ago i barely remember it myself but i can i can sit in the car and and try to record these things because uh the issue being uh i'm sitting in my car a lot i don't have access to uh the studio back at headquarters and uh so i um hey bumper car what's going on everybody everybody it's my friend pig aloesius jay pig what's going on aloesius jay pig that's a great song and everything uh i was wondering about this new recording schedule do i still get paid the same amount wait wait what you get paid to do the bumper i didn't know that who's signing those checks well as you can imagine netty uh it's our rufus t rufus actually comes in and signs the ledger the signs the does the accounting that does the uh balance into the books as it were and i haven't charge of uh human resources well we have human resources accounting uh-huh let's see the legal department yeah that makes sense as i do that as well and uh got my i got my uh fingers in a lot of pies as as as it were oh cool so i mean i guess that begs the question if if pig is getting does that mean that like i get paid as well well that's that's a terrific question uh for you to ask uh i don't know if you've looked at your contract lately but uh what we're paying you with is experience we're paying you this is a high profile uh gig uh as as they say and that means you're getting a lot of eyeballs a lot of ears on your product which means you get to promote yourself you understand so are you getting paid yes insofacto you are getting paid long term this is a long game of getting your uh name out there uh for people to go and then purchase whatever products you have or whatever it is i honestly natty it's you you got the best of both worlds you get to come on the bubba podcast you get to do your thing and then people everybody out there everybody in the world did like oh natty bumper car i gotta go get me some of that bumper car whatever you know your uh what is it your uh yogurt whatever yum yum sure sure yeah uh yeah so it's really getting getting your name out there and that's that's worth more than any money you could ever buy you i would think i i i kind of disagree i mean i kind of see what you guys are saying um that seems to happen a lot with uh artists and uh comedian whatever kind of you know like entrepreneur like not opportune uh entertainers where people are like hey you want to come do my show and you're like yeah sure uh you know what's what does it pay and they say oh this is a non-paying gig but just think of all the exposure you're gonna get and you're like exposure doesn't buy me any tacos now hold on a second as i just heard you say if you'd like to be paid in tacos then we can certainly cut back on some of the exposure because you know we do promote this and uh maybe work that out with a chimichanga a chalupa something like that a little taco action a burrito uh maybe a i don't know a chalupa a quesadilla i know we could do that as well i know we had a uh a uh an entertainer uh that we used to pay in uh in in in in in quesadilla and he was very happy with the deal uh and my uh contract that uh lunch is actually provided and you're talking about all this food if i could get just a plate of nachos today wait i would very much appreciate it are you kidding me you have you get lunch and you get paid this is how how who who is who did your contract this doesn't make any sense to me like i it's the bumper podcast i am natty bumper car and so it's named after me me and here we go always comes back to the name listen natty you gotta pay the talent and everybody knows that i'm the talent i can make a little song i could do a little dance i could tell a couple jokes okay i do jokes everybody's here for pig well yeah but um i mean i guess a lot of people are here for me too probably i mean like for instance we've been recording so infrequently that i have all kinds of cool fun stories like i could talk about halloween yeah so halloween already happened and uh some people aren't gonna be interested because it was a while it was you know it's last week so it's like that's old news so you gotta maybe uh think of something else um what about oh ah what about i don't think i told anybody about when we lost the computer and what a big you know deal that turned into and and and how crazy that was for a few days right i uh again it was like it was it feels like that was like a year ago and maybe more i don't know it was a long time ago i think we can agree on that right i don't well i don't think it was it was quite that long ago but i mean i guess it was a little while ago but it was such a crazy story that i thought that people might want to hear it or i don't know i could talk about like the outdoor comedy shows that you know i've done a few i don't want to step on your toes but it's kind of like a whatever floats your boat type of situation uh bumper car uh me you know i like uh to take every opportunity every show to kind of uh you know i i call it i say kick out the jams raise the roof i don't like to rehash i don't like to go back in time i like to look forward in time if you understand okay a little bit of time i don't like to go back in time i like to look forward in time little pig progress is what i'm all about okay um yeah you really have deflated you've deflated me taking the wind out of my sails here aloysius um oh i forgot to tell you too there are some people who have missed you uh and or are asking me how you have been doing uh yeah who's somebody's asking you about me yeah i hope you're not telling you don't talk to you what do you say because i know i'm interested in in that which we're in a whole new world right now who exactly is asking you about me i mean based on your current reaction i don't think i feel like giving out any names but just people who are concerned they haven't seen you you you just abruptly stopped doing uh hanging out with pig and pals and you know because we haven't been recording the podcast as often like people are just kind of just like where's where's pig haven't seen pig and uh that's really all they asked me that it's not anything beyond that it's just like where is pig is pig okay we miss pig now i believe i can step in here uh pig is currently under contract contractual uh re-mitigation for hanging out with pig and pals and we're trying to figure out how to bring the show back because we understand that it was beloved as in the community in the whole world somebody once said it brings a light to the day in the darkness and especially now that you know it's dark when you wake up and it's dark when you go to bed we need more light we need more aloes we need more uh i don't know all the other little friends that come along there's i don't know uh timmy maybe uh zippy phil i don't know the names necessarily but you know there's like a horse a frog whoever it is but uh a lot of dinosaurs i remember that but anyway we're we're we're working behind the scenes to see what we can get done okay i i love uh rufus the names i don't think you even got one right you're like oh you know we got marshmallow we got uh an animal cracker we got uh um uh shampoo random things i love shampoo i like i like zippy and skippy no it's a good one i think uh oh well okay well then that makes me happy and i think maybe that and also people missed you because you were doing the uh open mic you were sneaking in at the end of the open mic when it was virtual and to the cedar beans show and and that hasn't been happening virtually lately and so uh people have been missing you there too so i mean i you know you were really out there and you were there for a while pig and uh feels like you've kind of pulled back a little bit which is totally understandable you got a lot on your plate yes she's like an eating thing like you say i eat too much food no that's not what it was at all i was just saying you you have a lot that you're responsible for maybe i guess that's what i'm trying to say um anyway cool uh yeah so listen bumper car i'm glad you're here i'm glad you got this this cool new microphone that we can try to do shows with so hopefully you'll be able to hear me you can start doing more shows then people will get more pig which will make more people happy um and again uh i don't know who's responsible for getting my lunch today rufus but nachos would be nice with some black olives some cheese i don't no sour cream please it makes the chips kind of yucky uh guacamole do it like that a couple of onions you know uh and uh tomatoes some uh uh uh what's that it called picante no it's uh it's uh it's salsa picante what am i thinking what's picante i don't know i don't know you know how i like it just my my normal order so i'm uh i guess if we're doing lunch orders that i'm actually pretty hungry as well so i would love to get in on this pig it was great talking to you and i uh no no so natty you actually remember you don't get lunch on your contract you don't get nothing you get no zero okay zilch okay nada all right all right so you maybe you can share off a pig's plate or get something else okay so i guess no lunch for me but i'm glad we just recorded an episode i hope you're doing well we've missed you tremendously please stay safe um keep social distancing keep wearing masks wash your paws wash your claws wash your hands woman and man we got to get through this and the only way we're going to get through this is together bumper podcast this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank

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November 5, 2020