Get ready for a laughter-packed adventure in Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, the ultimate improvised comedy podcast that promises non-stop hilarity. Join the beloved characters Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig as they tackle the daunting task of managing their podcast. In this uproarious episode, the gang finds themselves grappling with the excitement of new equipment that promises to revolutionize their show, only to discover that no one knows how to use it. Chaos ensues as calamity befalls the crew, and just when things couldn’t get any crazier, Robot makes a surprise appearance, adding to the comedic mayhem. Don’t miss out on the fun—tune in for an unforgettable ride filled with laughter, mishaps, and unexpected twists and turns.
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Transcription
Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.
And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.
Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.
NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com
About This Episode
In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to figure out their brand new recording equipment. Producer becomes increasingly flustered as the gang demands he master the shiny new machine on the fly, complete with moving lines, touch screens, and mysterious buttons. Robot makes a surprise return, announcing an upgrade that allows him to charge wirelessly and produce his own power. The conversation spirals into talk about The Court Sandwich Shop and whether they should order lunch during recording. With uneven audio levels, missing pop shields, and everyone getting hungry, this episode captures the hilarious dysfunction of learning new technology while trying to produce a podcast.
Memorable Quotes
“It was super crazy quiet. Did you push a button to make that happen? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Is this torturous to the people listening?”
— Aloysious J. Pig
“You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. Why do we do this? Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.”
— Producer
“I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. I guess you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.”
— Robot
Topics: #technology #newequipment #chaos #sandwiches #food #robots #recording #behindthescenes
Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar
Full Transcript
Producer: Oh!
Aloysious J. Pig: Listen to that! Yeah! We have new music! Finally! Makes me happy. Not much makes me happy these days, but that makes me very happy. And also what makes me happy is that you're here and that I'm here. And I have new equipment! Yeah, just… Oh, you told him about the new equipment. Oh, it's like… It's new, it's shiny, it's got all these colors on it, it's got a touch screen, I don't know what we're doing with it, we don't really deserve it, but it's neat, and it's there, and I'm staring at it, and I can't stop staring at it, because there's lines that are moving, there's lines that are going this way, and that way. I mean, this machine, it's got lines that are going this way and that way. Who knew? I never knew, I never thought we'd ever be quite this advanced, you know? I'm looking at… I'm looking at the machine across the way there, and I don't really, I don't trust it so much, but normally we was recording in sort of, I don't know, it seemed like a shoebox that we would just kind of talk at, and I don't know how it worked either, but, you know, I was more comfortable with the kind of, you know, cardboard look of it all, kind of a wood grain, if you will, and now this thing is all shiny and plastic, and I just, I don't know about it. One thing, I just, I don't… Producer, what do you all think about it?
Producer: Yeah, well, you know, I really like it a lot, but there's, you know, when we don't… I don't know how to work it entirely, and so I can see that I can hear the voices are coming through, and so that it's good, but then I can… I've been listening back, and I can't really… The levels are different, you know, and so I'm trying to, on the fly, learn a little bit, like, on the job, and I'm also trying to kind of, you know, I don't figure this thing out. Like, there's buttons and everything, and it's just a little bit more than I was ready for, you know? Like, yes, like that, for instance. I was not ready for that even a little bit, but then, you know, sound effects, that's great. It's great for me, okay? Yeah, there it is again. There it is again. Perfect, perfect.
Aloysious J. Pig: I heard the sound effect, but it was super crazy quiet. Like, it was definitely there. I don't know where it came from. Did you push a button to make that happen, or how did it happen exactly? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Now, I mean, like, I know that we're just trying to learn this thing, but is this torturous to the people listening? Oh, yeah, it's like, oh, cool, we got new equipment, and it's just like, well, this is unlistenable. Yeah, now… Aloysius, I think you can agree with me that unlistenable is a very hurtful term. I think it's, you know, very listenable. I mean, you can put it in your ear, ear pods, ear buds, whatever the ear things are, headphones, I'm gonna guess. But, you know, and you can listen to it. It just maybe not sounds so good, but it's still, by the letter of the law, listenable, I would think. I'm not sure if it is listenable, because it's like, I… I can, in my headphones, when I talk, I can hear myself, and I sound great, and I'm like, whoa, this is gonna sound like the greatest thing ever. But then whenever you guys talk, it sounds like you're in a pipe that's in a tunnel that's under a whale. Like, you're very far away, but… But I can hear myself when I talk, so can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, I can hear me,
Producer: but everything's just very… You know, guys, this is Producer, by the way. It's a very difficult situation for you to put me into. You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and then you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. I don't even know what it's gonna do. It's got the cords coming in, it's got the lights going, it's got the little lines going, and it's plugged into the main thing over there, and I see this thing is doing that, and I'm trying to do this thing over there, and it's completely different from anything that I've ever… You know, we don't… This is… Why do we do this? We could have done this so long ago. We could have done it a week ago, two weeks. I don't know. Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.
Aloysious J. Pig: Listen, yeah, I agree with Producer. I mean, it is kind of fun to see him kind of freak out, because I've never really seen that before. He normally produces over there behind, you know, the buttons and the knobs and everything, and he's, like, making everything do whatever it's supposed to do, and now today, all of a sudden, I think we've finally… We've pushed him over the edge, and I feel a little bit guilty. Not entirely, because, uh, Bumperguy, you were the one who brought this thing in, and, uh, you know, it's kind of your fault, but, uh… Still, I mean, it's got sound effects, so what are we gonna do? Exactly. I think you just made that one work, so good job, Producer. Is there anybody in here that we could ask that would maybe know how this new technology works?
Robot: Ooh, hi, everybody. It's me, Robot. I heard that there's some new technology. I'm so excited.
Aloysious J. Pig: No, wait. Who? I thought… Hi… Mm, let's see. Hi, Robot. It's nice to see you. You actually sound like yourself again for the first time in a few years, and that's my first thing. My second thing. Hi, Robot. How did you get here? I was told that you were unplugged. Uh, Producer? Is it… Can we have a sidebar conversation? Can you do that with the new equipment, where maybe just you and I are having a conversation? Is that possible? You know, if you're gonna start talking about sidebar conversations, Natty, that's more of a legal roya type of thing. You know, we have sidebars with the judge. We have sidebars with the prosecution or the defense. You know, whoever it is, a bailiff. I've had a sidebar with a bailiff. One time, I actually went to a sandwich shop to get a sandwich, and, uh… I said, Can y'all put some pickles on my sandwich? And they said, That's over there on the sidebar. And I said, Excuse me? And they said, You know, the fixin's bar. And I said, Wait, before you just said sidebar. And then I looked up, and the sandwich place was actually called The Court. And The Court Sandwich Shop, and the people making the sandwiches, you know, sometimes the sandwich artists, well, these… They said, We'll be the judge of that. That's what the little thing said. How's your sandwich? And I said, Oh, I like… And they said, Hold on a second. We'll be the judge of that. You love your sandwich. And I was just like… I object. It was a whole thing. You know, we gotta go back to that. You ever been down to The Court Sandwich Shop? Yeah, no. I've been there. But I think Natty was trying to… Yes, it's good. I agree. It's fun. It's a great concept. But I think Natty was trying to figure out how to… Why robots here? And he was gonna talk to producer. But it's good to see that even with this new equipment, we can still spiral. We can still spiral into nonsense and not making any sense and lunchtime talk. Because, you know, it's lunchtime somewhere in the universe, I'm assuming. And I am definitely here for it. I'm… We should… Can we call in? Is that something we can do? Can we, like, order first? Order online? Is that something… Producer, can you get the website up?
Producer: No, I can't. No, I actually cannot get the website up because I'm struggling with this new equipment that you have dropped onto me. No, not… Not literally dropped on me, but just, you know, it's on my desk here. And you said, okay, new equipment, now go. And so I can't do the equipment and also do the website for the sandwich place. And, you know, and also nothing to go back to it. I don't know how robot is here, okay? The plug, I don't even know where the plug is. So it can't be plugged in because I lost the plug a long time ago, okay? This is a lot of my blood right now, you guys. You're really pressuring me a lot, okay?
Robot: Yeah. So there's no power cord anymore because I got an upgrade. And I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. It just cut the power. It just froze into me. And the more that I walk and I move and I talk, it produces more power. So I'm using energy right now, but I'm also producing power. So I guess, you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.
Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, robot. I get it. You can make power somehow. I don't really actually understand that, but it's great to see you. Maybe producer is the producer. I get it. You're making power. Good for you. I guess we don't have a pop shield anymore because I'm hearing a lot of puh, puh, puh, puh, puh is happening. But I think that's the least of our problems. I think the main problem right now is what we're going to have for lunch. That's always really the top of the problem. And then also, did this episode even record? Like, do you know, producer?
Producer: I don't know. Not you. Producer, producer. No, he's talking to me, robot. So you are still robot. I am still producer. That is still Natty. That is Aloysius J. Pig over there. And then I think we have Rufus T. Rufus. Rufus, that is Natty. You can't get to our website from that. That's just a newspaper. Oh, my goodness. This is just really all falling apart. I think maybe everyone's getting a little hungry. We should have the food delivered, I think, before the show, but then it would be a distraction, maybe just during or after, because during they would ring the bell and it would be very confusing for everyone. We just have a lot of stuff to figure out, I think.
Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I agree, because… Well, the problem is I think everybody's a little hungry, so maybe everyone should have a nice little snack before we come into the studio, before we start recording the Bumper Podcast. That should be the first thing. Have a little snack. You know, whatever it is. An apple, that's a great snack. An orange? No, I can't. I don't know if you heard, Robot, but I can't eat oranges anymore, or else I will explode.
Robot: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you worry that you're going to get scurvy?
Aloysious J. Pig: Natty, am I allowed to quit this show? Is that something I can do, just walk away? Believe me, Aloysius, I've been trying for years and it's in the contract. We're locked in forever.
Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.
Unknown: Bye-bye.
