Tag: anxiety

Bumperpodcast #458 – Season 3 – Dusty Diversion

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty tries to explain where he has been and what he has been doing, and why he hasn’t been recording – and no one is having any of his malarky!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar returns to the Bumperpodcast after months away, only to face harsh criticism from Aloysious J. Pig about the show's inconsistent recording schedule. In this comeback episode, Natty explains what he's been up to since losing his job, including an anxiety-fueled weekend spent creating an entire comedy festival from scratch. Producer emerges from layers of studio dust to share his concerns, while the trio gets sidetracked discussing laurels, plant care, and the ancient origins of common phrases. Despite the rocky reunion and dust-covered studio, the gang promises to return with more episodes soon—though Aloysious skeptically predicts it'll be another three months.

Memorable Quotes

“No one cares anymore okay it's been like a year or something since you've just been like oh i guess i'll record this episode and now i'm gonna wait six years or whatever it is you're doing”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I think that it's one of those things that normally people which you're supposed to do is like hide under the covers and be sad and i instead i did all this research bought the domain name and all the socials and trademarked the name”
— Natty Bumpercar

“If we're gonna do the podcast i'd love to do the podcast if you're just gonna come on once a month and say the same everybody wants to know where you've been i don't know i might have other things to do with my life”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #comedy #podcasting #unemployment #anxiety #comedyfestival #friendship #plantcare #etymology

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Producer, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so i'm imagining and i'm guessing and i don't know that everyone has probably been wondering

Aloysious J. Pig: where i am like what no no actually no natty i just want to jump in before you get all on your whole thing oh everybody wants to know where they've been everybody wants to know why you haven't been recording everybody wants they don't no one cares anymore okay it's been like a year or something since you've just been like oh i guess i'll record this episode and now i'm gonna wait six years or whatever it is you're doing yeah i don't know if anybody cares anymore if

Natty Bumpercar: i'm to be honest okay well that's harsh but i do appreciate your um being forth right forthwith forth i don't i appreciate you being forth with me so now you're making little jokes because

Aloysious J. Pig: you're uncomfortable or whatever i get it all right it's forthright you know this and i except somebody's got to tell it to you straight somebody's got to give it to you okay so you have a podcast you're doing well you got numbers you're growing and then all of a sudden what i don't know what happened to you but you're just yeah you'll yeah you just oh okay well

Natty Bumpercar: there's a little bit of success i'm gonna run away from from that i don't think i did that but maybe i don't know is that something i subconsciously did oh that's definitely something i'm gonna bring up with my therapist right because maybe yeah okay i'll i'll take that because i know that every so often i'm doing great with the podcast and then i just there's a shiny object and i run over to it and and and maybe that's the case here i'm gonna

Aloysious J. Pig: look really quick to see when the last yeah oh wow july july like 19th or something like that and then before that one it was like in june okay so it's you didn't do two in june good for you two in may but like it's just this is this is untenable so what i'm saying is if we're gonna do the podcast i'd love to do the podcast if you're just gonna come on once a month and say the same everybody wants to know where you've been i don't know i might have other things to do with my life i know you know i'm sure i don't even see rufus ain't here he's probably off fishing or whatever he does taking his summer break and and uh excuse me there's a lot of sawdust in here producer yeah produce are you awake i'm awake

Producer: sorry i was there's been a lot of i thought it was construction dust but he's actually just because we don't come in here anymore so it's just layers and piles of dust you know we could do like one of those core samples like they do on trees and we can actually dig down into the dust and we could see like when it was i don't know raining or maybe it was an ice age or i don't know how it works or anything but anyway nappy i agree with uh the uh the with aloysius that um you know this is what i do i've just been sitting in this room i actually had a layer of dust over myself as well and i would appreciate let's just record some shots okay yeah i okay i'm yes i agree

Natty Bumpercar: i'm sorry and i agree wait i agree with both of you and i'm sorry that i haven't been recording and i agree that i'm sorry i think that covers everything but here i'm just going to explain what i've been doing what's been going on okay because it's kind of important to me that i'm um i don't even know if i told you i lost my job yeah everybody knows okay you're basic i mean

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah i guess you didn't put up uh uh like a sky writing but you you did you really put it out there oh woe is me woe is natty i lost my job and then you had you wrote something you was on some show and you got voted off kicked off i don't know what that was but yeah so we are all up to

Natty Bumpercar: date on that okay well cool so that weekend that was on a show on a show on a show on a show on a show on a thursday that that happened then the friday saturday sunday for some reason i um had this just anxiety uh of stuff that was inside my brain and i i anxiety created uh a comedy festival which is not something that i think normal people do i don't understand that you do what do you you

Producer: say you you you just you just oh like you say i made a festival it doesn't seem like you know just like anybody can like oh bing i just waited willie mammoth okay or did you what exactly i don't understand what you mean you did yeah did

Aloysious J. Pig: you hear they actually are working on the willie mammoth okay i don't know if maybe the people doing that got laid off from their jobs and then they were all of a sudden they were like you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna make a big furry elephant thing or or or or what but uh yeah i said it's were you reading the news or something while we were gone there's a lot of news about this willie mammoth thing going i don't know if i agree with it but uh i don't know if i disagree with it i probably disagree with it but who knows okay i i have opinions i just don't

Natty Bumpercar: have this opinion evidently yeah i don't i don't yeah i don't know if i have opinion i do have opinions on this but i don't i haven't fully formulated what they would sound like so i'm gonna stick to so what what happened producer is i think that it's one of those things that it was and then the second the opportunity came the like all of the stress and the anxiety of being laid off normally i think people which you're supposed to do is like hide under the covers and and be sad and i instead um i i i did all this research does this thing exist didn't find anything so i bought the uh domain name and all the socials and uh then i went and i trademarked the name all this stuff boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom right and it was all in this weekend all this stuff just kind of flowed out of me and i think monday or tuesday i talked to my sweet and sour uh comedy producing partner suzanne and i was like hey hey hey hey because then that's when i did start crying and i was like guy think i want to do i want to do this festival and she was like what and i was just like festival where you can do it it's a montclair comedy festival you know i we did mont we did comedy in montclair for a million years so many shows and uh and we just produced this jaws the musical that was in the the fringe festival like that's a big thing that we did so let's not we i don't want to rest on uh

Aloysious J. Pig: on my on my laurels what what exactly is uh the or laurels does that does that is that something you got from like a swedish design

Producer: store or is that some condition that you have or i think that a laurel might be like a type of a shrub or a type of a bush i don't know um did we get some some laurels planted and if so how did we afford them i think you know you don't have a job and laurels are pretty expensive not only to to put to get but then to put in the ground and then their upkeep and and everything and uh and then you know it's same why you're going to go in the store and you're going to go in the store and sit on them okay because like i said they're pretty expensive and then what i know about plants isn't a lot but i do know that plants do not like to be you know just like sat upon and they do not appreciate it yeah and they will they will wilt is what will happen to them

Natty Bumpercar: so okay yes those are you're actually right skip laurels uh and we do not have any we did look at some a few times uh because we do like to buy plants uh bring them home plant them do all the stuff you're supposed to do for them and watch as they just uh die for no reason uh we've actually we've had people come to our yard and look at our at our yard and and and scratch their chins and shake their heads and and ask questions did you did you did you water it yes did you dig the hole twice as big as the root ball yes i did now a long time ago one of the mistakes that we made when we bought the root ball was that we didn't have the root ball some plants was we dug this big hole and then when the uh with this the uh the dirt that we put in there right top soil type stuff uh we actually put uh fertilizer in thinking well these plants are going to be happy look at they've got all they've got everything they need we're watering them they've got their nutrients and and somebody said oh no you don't put the fertilizer in with the plant uh because what that plant does then is it doesn't uh search out into the world for its own nutrients it just hangs out in that area that you already fertilized and and it doesn't see the need to go out any further and then the uh the root ball like where you know what's it just doesn't grow and so then it ends up just dying and uh well that that was a lot to take in and that was kind of like a too much love situation we loved these plants to actual death and we didn't want to let them die and we didn't want to let them die and we didn't want to let them die and so um it's it can happen okay but no i was i was resting on my laurels which is a phrase it's a phrase i just looked it up it's like

Aloysious J. Pig: a greek and roman times and and uh when somebody did something good or whatever i don't really know why but they would be given a little crown made of ready for this laurels just like the plants you're talking about so producer you were sort of right there right and then the whole phrase means all right great just so you did something big just because you did something good you got your little crown now don't just put that crown down on the ground and and and do nothing just sit on it right don't rest on it because that you know what's going to happen that crown's going to wilt it's going to go away so when you get your crown you know what you're supposed to do you're supposed to keep on going keep pushing right and who knows uh maybe you're going to get another crown i don't want to promise you anything okay i don't i don't even know who's voting i don't even know what the uh the metrics are but what i'm telling you is that you just don't want to rest on them now i don't know if you're allowed to uh rest next to them if maybe there was some laurel hangers around in in in ancient times where you could you know do a good job hey here's your laurels crown and then you uh you say oh wow i am i am tired oh wait ready you say oh man i am bushed which is another word for saying tired and uh and then you take off your your laurel which is a bush crown and you can just hang it up so that you're then you're resting right which is good and important to take breaks every so often but you're not resting on your laurels you're you're just kind of hanging out there maybe maybe eating uh a sandwich i don't even i don't know if they had sandwiches back i don't know yeah but uh yeah at least you're not resting on that was a lot excuse me on on your laurels what was that

Natty Bumpercar: oh no i think it's okay it's the dust that's what's happening right now i understand um okay i think what we should do is um work on cleaning out the studio i'm so thrilled to be back i'm thrilled that i have thrown my entire brain into the montclair comedy festival and uh maybe we'll talk about it more i don't know maybe or maybe i don't know what we're gonna do we're certainly not gonna talk about laurel care anymore because there has to be other shows that are out there that are much more expert and that are talking uh much more eloquently about um about hedges you know uh box boxwoods um shrubbery kind of all of those things and i don't feel like that's where we really want to go but um you know who knows it's a fresh start so maybe maybe that is exactly

Producer: where we want to go i feel like um sorry i just feel sorry about that i didn't mean to cut you off but i feel like we should all um acknowledge that we were talking about the the laurels and we're all kind of right that doesn't happen very often normally you know we're all up on different things different tangents different whatevers and and this time i feel like you know things really came together pretty well so congratulations to the whole team and i'm gonna go find uh do we have like a duster or something maybe a vacuum or whatever because we really got to clean this

Natty Bumpercar: place up okay yeah yeah absolutely um all right well so we'll be back soon because we have a lot of stuff to talk about that wasn't even we didn't even scratch the surface there okay

Aloysious J. Pig: there's more there's more yep i suppose we'll see you in three months or so

Robot: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

August 11, 2025
Bumperpodcast #446 – Season 3 – Knives

Tune in to the latest episode of the Bumperpodcast, the beloved improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar goes on and on about a bundle of things – until his brain seems to get stuck on the subject of knives. Don’t miss this fun-filled episode that captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast’s unique humor and charm.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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Transcription

natty bumpercar 0:00
He’s always so busy,

never not busy, never not moving, never slowing down going over here going over there. Never stop moving moving all around. Do I even sleep? I don’t even know. Do I even eat? Yeah, my stomach says yes, it says it actually says stop eating as much. Hi everyone. This is Natty bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast. And it is summer. It is so summer it hurts. It is so summer that you can’t even believe how summer it is. And what do I mean by that? I mean, it’s hot. And it has been hot for it feels like forever. Every time I go out of my house, no, I just I melt into a puddle. This book right there. My kids, they want to go to the pool, they want to go to camp, they want to go to a movie, whatever they want to go to. They’re like, Come on, Dad, let’s go. And I go. Alright, just hold on a second. And then I walk out of the door, but it turned into a puddle. And so now what the kids do they know they travel with a bucket so that anytime we have to go someplace, one of them goes out starts the car turns the air conditioning on, the other one goes and gets the bucket and the scoop. And then they know that to tell me that we have to leave a lot earlier than you would think that we would have to leave because they are factoring in the amount of time that it will take for me to walk out the door melt be scooped up, be put into the air conditioned car and reconstitute recompose. I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I guess I’m becoming becoming less gooey. Less gelatinous, more solid? I’m not sure. Now I don’t even know. Right? They figured it out. It wasn’t me. It was up to me. I just want to stay in a puddle for the rest of my days. And then the nights I would probably unpossible because it would be cooler. And then the morning I guess I would just be a puddle again. That’s not going to be good for the resale of the house because I’m right in front of the front door. Usually when this happens. And you know, I don’t know a lot about real estate. Some would say barely anything. But I do. I’m guessing this is me guessing I’m going out on a limb. And I’m saying that having a puddle of goo right in front of the front door. Probably not going to help with resale value. I mean, I again, I can’t promise that. I don’t know what 100% For sure. But that’s what my instincts my chest Ray razor sharp. Business instincts are telling me I don’t have razor sharp instincts you guys I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I didn’t. I don’t have razor sharp anything at this point. My fingernails not razor sharp, my wit not razor sharp. My sword. It’s not even razor sharp. My knives, all of my knives. I was told I have to take my knives to a place to get them sharpened. And I don’t know. I’m nervous about it because I don’t really know what it means. I mean, I understand the concept. You have a knife, you take it to a place the people there. Make it sharp somehow I’m guessing AI robots. Maybe they have I don’t know badger in the back working in the back who has skills. I don’t know how it works, but I’m just freaked out because I’m gonna take all my knives someplace. Then they’re going to take my knives, they’re going to do some sort of alchemy some sort of magic to to the knives and or you’re they’re gonna do first good take the knives and they’re gonna judge me they’re gonna look at the knives and they’re gonna judge me on the lack of sharpness, the just lack of upkeep on my knives. And so I have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for that part. Like I’m now getting over the hump of gathering up all the knives. And then you know, finding the place going to the place getting out of the car, not melting going into the place, and then they’re just going to judge they’re going to look at the night Just to kind of kind of probably spread them out on the table or whatever, and they’re gonna look at him, they will, you know, they’ll start picking him up, maybe they’ll even put him in order, like size order or something, they’re gonna start picking them up by the handle, and kind of holding him straight up and looking at him, twisting them in their hand, twisting them back, kind of angling them more. So they’re getting a little bit of a different light. And as they’re doing this, you know, and they keep shifting it around in their hand, they’re going to make these big size

you know, like that. Not like, oh, well, okay, these will look at things. And I know it’s gonna be judgey MC judge person, MC mean, MC knife sharpeners. And then they’re gonna take my knives. And I’m gonna forget to ask how much it all costs. And then in two weeks, or whatever, when they when they say, Hey, we got your knives back. I’m gonna go. And they’re gonna say, we really had to do a lot of work on those knives. And I’d be like, cool, I got it. Thanks, you already made me feel awesome. And they’re gonna go in the back. And they might even give me a ticket when I leave. So they might take my ticket, when I get there, look at the ticket, then make fun of me, then go back to the back and bring out a bag or whatever, of tray maybe of my knives. And they’re gonna put them on the table. And they’ll say, you know, take a look. Maybe, maybe they’ll maybe they’ll even give me like a carrot to cut. Just to prove how sharp these knives now are. Be careful with those. All right, those are very sharp now. much sharper than they were when you like, get it, buddy? Or like, Would you like to cut a carrot? Like you will? Yeah, who wouldn’t want to cut a carrot? You want to cut? We also have, I don’t you probably don’t know this, you don’t remember. But there used to be commercials on the television, where they were selling knives. And they would be they would take a can like a can of soup canopy. I don’t know what some other metal can. And they go like this knife can cut through anything. And they cut through a knife, the can with a knife, which in your mind, you’re like, well, that’s destroyed that knife, that knife is never coming back from that. And then they would go and they’d bring in a tomato. And they would just rush right through it. Like like the like the, the knife was a razor blade, like the knife was a laser razor blade. And they would just cut right through that tomato. And then they’d go back and they would start hacking at I don’t remember what it was a block of ice or something hard. Me Yeah. And then they’d go back. And they they’d say they take a strawberry, a sweet, delicious little strawberry. And they would just so gently cut the strawberry and you just go well, these knives, what are they? How do I how do I get them and then they would tell you how much they were, how to get them who to call how long it was probably going to take for them to get to you. And then you know what, you can also get a second set of knives that are also magic that do the same magical things as the first set of knives that we showed you. Which to me is weird. Because if you’re showing me these on Double Magic blades that I will have I will pass down in my family for eternity. Then why you’re going to I don’t need two sets. I don’t need two sets of knives. That’s a lot of knives. I would go so far as to say it’s it’s an unhealthy, unsafe amount of knives. Like if I’m going to go into a house and I see you know people have like a block on their countertop and it’s a knife block. And I walk in and they go oh look at those knives. Cool. But if I walk in nice see two knife blocks. I’m turning around and leaving. Because you’re someone who has too many knives. I don’t need to be around that many sharp surfaces. And if they’re these magic knives, then they’re very sharp. Very, very sharp. Anyway, back to my knife story. I’m their guy. Oh, you want to cut a carrot, whatever you did. I don’t think they’d bring out a can although, that’d be pretty amazing. And you’re like, Okay, these seem good because what do you mean? They’re knives you’re gonna be like Okay, cut a carrot. Awesome. And then they’ll survive. Yeah, we know we also did this to it. We also upgraded Due to this, you know, we really felt like and you’re like, I just want my knives I want I just, I just want to go home and not have to think about knives anymore. For right now, maybe ever. And then you’re like, Okay, well, what’s, what’s the damage? What’s the bill? How much is this gonna cost forever, and then they they throw out some number. That’s so exorbitant so insanely expensive that you could have gone out and taken, you could have gone to Norway and taken classes on craft knife building. And so you’ve flown, you’re staying there for the two weeks, you are buying the materials. You’re paying for the class, and you’re flying back. And that would have been less money than what they are now charging you to sharpen your knives. And so you’re in a real conundrum. Because there’s the knives. You’ve done everything. You took the mocking you got them sharpened. And now you’re looking at a bill and you you know they have you the work has been done. There’s nothing you can do. Putting indeed it’s gonna throw your hands up. I you know what, I don’t want these knives anymore, but you do because they’re your knives. Way. What are you going to what are you going to do when you get home? People are going to people are going to ask, because you know what people in houses like to do? They like to cut things. They like to cut vegetables. They like to cut fruit. They like to cut meat. They don’t like to cut cans. They don’t? Well, they should. Alright, I’m gonna give a little secret here. I’ve discovered that my child one of my children, we won’t say which one has a tendency to take cans of soda cans of seltzer, whatever it is cans of beverage will say. And he sneaks mountain to the yard. You’re like, Oh, come on. Just let the kid have a Canvas right now. No, he takes the cans and he takes knives like sharp things. And he cuts into the cans. And then he comes in either covered in sugar water or maybe bleeding. What happened? Yeah, I fell off the slide. What? You fell off the side.

Are you okay?

Oh baby. Then you go outside and you see a massacre can and you’re like this kid does not need any more knives at all.

Outro 12:50
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty bumpercar Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

About This Episode

In this hilarious summer episode, Natty Bumpercar describes the intense heat wave that literally melts him into a puddle every time he steps outside. His kids have adapted by traveling with a bucket and scoop to collect their liquefied father and reconstitute him in the air-conditioned car. Natty then goes on an extended comedic rant about his anxiety over taking his dull knives to be professionally sharpened, imagining the judgment he'll face from the knife sharpener and the exorbitant bill that will follow. He reminisces about old TV knife infomercials and reveals that one of his children has been secretly taking cans outside to slice them open with sharp objects, coming back either covered in soda or bleeding.

Memorable Quotes

“Every time I go out of my house, I melt into a puddle. My kids travel with a bucket and scoop because they know I'm going to liquefy the moment I step outside.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“They're going to judge me on the lack of sharpness, the lack of upkeep on my knives. They're gonna be judgy mcjudgerson mcmean mcknife sharpeners.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“He takes the cans and he takes knives and he cuts into them. Then he comes in either covered in sugar water or maybe bleeding.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #summer #heatwave #knives #parenting #anxiety #infomercials #householdchores

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: always so busy never not busy never not moving never slowing down going over here going over there never stop moving moving all around do i even sleep i don't even know do i even eat yeah my stomach says yes it says it actually says stop eating as much uh hi everyone this is natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and it is summer it is so summer it hurts it is so summer that you can't even believe how summer it is and what do i mean by that i mean it's hot and it has been hot for it feels like forever every time i go out of my house you know what i just uh i melt into a puddle just right there my kids they want to go to the pool they want to go to camp they want to go to a move whatever they want to go to they're like come on dad let's go and i go all right just hold on a second and then i walk out of the door i turn into a puddle and so now what the kids do they know they travel with a bucket so that anytime we have to go someplace one of them goes out starts the car turns the air conditioning on the other one goes and gets the bucket and the scoop and then uh they know that the we have to leave a lot earlier than you would think that we would have to leave because they are factoring in the amount of time that it will take for me to walk out the door melt be scooped up be put into the air-conditioned car and uh reconstitute recompose i'm not really sure what i'm doing i guess i'm becoming becoming less gooey less gelatinous more solid i'm not sure now i don't even know they figured it out it wasn't me if it was up to me i would i just would have stayed a puddle for the rest of my days and then the nights i would probably un-puddle because it would be cooler um and then in the morning i guess i would just be a puddle again that's not going to be good for the resale of the house because i'm right in front of the front door usually when this happens and you know i don't know a lot about real estate some would say barely anything uh but i do i'm guessing this is me guessing i'm going out on a limb and i'm saying that having a puddle of goo right in front of the front door probably not going to help with resale value i mean i again i can't promise that i don't know what 100% for sure but that's what my instincts my just uh razor sharp business instincts are telling me i don't have razor sharp instincts you guys i just wanted to make sure that you knew that i i don't have razor sharp anything at this point my uh fingernails not razor sharp my wit not razor sharp um my sword it's not even razor sharp uh my knives all of my knives i was told i have to take my knives to a place to get them sharpened and i don't know i'm nervous about it because i don't really know what it means i mean i understand the concept you have a knife you take it to a place the the people there uh make it sharp somehow i'm guessing uh ai robots maybe they have uh i don't know badger in the back working in the back who has skills i don't know how it works but i'm just freaked out because i'm going to take all my knives someplace and they're going to take my knives they're going to do some sort of alchemy some sort of magic uh to to the knives and or you know what they're going to do first you're going to take the knives and you're going to take the knives and you're going to take the and they're going to judge me they're going to look at the knives and they're going to judge me on uh the lack of sharpness the um just lack of upkeep on my knives and so i have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for that part like i'm now getting over the hump of uh gathering up all the knives and and then you know finding the place going to the place getting out of the car not melting going into the place uh and then they're just going to judge they're going to look at the knives they're going to kind of probably spread them out on the table or whatever and they're going to look at them and you know they'll start picking them up maybe they'll even put them in order like size order or something they're going to start picking them up by the handle and kind of holding them straight up and looking at them twisting them in their hand twisting them back kind of uh angling them more so they're getting a little bit of a different light and as they're getting more and more they're doing this you know and they keep shifting it around in their hand they're going to make these big sighs like you know like that not like oh well okay these won't look at these knives no it's gonna be judgy mcjudgerson mcmean mcknife sharpeners and then they're gonna take my knives and i'm gonna forget to ask how much it all costs and i'm gonna forget to ask how much it all costs and i'm gonna forget to ask how much it all costs and i'm gonna forget to ask how much it all costs and then in two weeks or whatever costs and then in two weeks or whatever when they when they hey we got your knives back i'm gonna go and and they're gonna say we really had to do a lot of work on those knives and i'll be like cool i got it thanks you already made me feel awesome and um they're gonna go in the back and they might even give me a ticket when i leave so they might take my ticket when i get there look at the ticket then make fun of me then go back to the back and and and bring out a uh a bag or whatever uh a tray maybe of of my knives and they're gonna put them on the table and uh they'll say you know take a look maybe maybe they'll maybe they'll even give me like a carrot to cut just to prove how sharp these knives now are be careful with those all right those are very sharp now much sharper than they were when you br i'm like i get it buddy they're like would you like to cut a carrot i'm like yeah well yeah who wouldn't want to cut a carrot you want to cut we also have i don't you probably don't know this you don't remember but there used to be commercials on uh the television where they would sell knives and and they would be they would take a a can like a can of soup can of pea what i don't know some other metal can and uh they go like this knife can cut through anything and they cut through a knife uh the can with a knife which in your mind you're like well that's destroyed that knife that knife is never coming back from that and then they would go and they'd bring in a tomato and they would just right through it like like the like the the knife was a razor blade like the knife was a laser razor blade and they would just cut right through that tomato and then they'd go back and they would start hacking at uh i don't remember what it was a block of ice or something hard um yeah and then they'd go back and they'd say they'd take a strawberry a sweet delicious little strawberry and they would just so gently cut the strawberry and you'd just go well these knives what are they how do i how do i get them and then they would tell you how much they were how to get them who to call how long it was probably going to take for them to get to you and then you know what i'm like okay i'm not going to do this or anything like that so i just stick with you guys i'm putting this again and what i really like is that cuitlla and with them i do a bunch of this type of thai things i use actually hopefully you'll see it when i do it when i do this in my videos when i use them and i'm just really interested in what this actually looks like but i think what i'd like to make you know is i think about it related to cortical vibrancy like you know my weaponry recipe i thought it was fantastic and i spent so much time different things every time that i made something new because i thought it was better by women than coming back to stuart That's a lot of knives. I would go so far as to say it's an unhealthy, unsafe amount of knives. Like if I'm going to go into a house and I see, you know, people have like a block on their countertop and it's a knife block. And I walk in and I go, oh, look at those knives, cool. But if I walk in and I see two knife blocks, I'm turning around and leaving because you're someone who has too many knives. I don't need to be around that many sharp surfaces. And if there are these magic knives, then they're very sharp, very, very sharp. Anyway, back to my knife story. I'm there. Guy, you want to cut a carrot, whatever. I don't think they'd bring out a can, although that'd be pretty amazing. And you're like, OK, these seem good because what do you I mean, they're knives. You're going to be like, OK, cut a carrot. Awesome. And. And then they'll sort of be like, yeah, well, you know, we also did this to it. We also upgraded you to this. You know, we really felt like and you're like, I just want my knives. I want I just I just want to go home and not have to think about knives anymore for right now. Maybe ever. And then you're like, OK, well, what's what's the damage? What's the bill? How much is this going to cost? Whatever. And then they they. They throw out some number that's so exorbitant, so insanely expensive that you could have gone out and taken. You could have gone to Norway and taken classes on craft knife building. And so you've flown. You're staying there for the two weeks. You are buying the materials. You're paying for the class and you're flying back. And that would have been less money than what they are. Now charging you to sharpen your knives. And so you're in a real conundrum because there's the knives. You've done everything. You took the mocking. You got them sharpened. And now you're looking at a bill and you know, they have you. The work has been done. There's nothing you can do. What are you going to do? You're just going to throw your hands up. You know what? I don't want these knives anymore. But you do because they're your knives. What are you going to what are you going to do when you get home? And people are going to people are going to ask, because you know what people in houses like to do? They like to cut things. They like to cut vegetables. They like to cut fruit. They like to cut meat. They don't like to cut cans. They don't. Well, they should. All right. I'm gonna give you a little secret here. I've discovered that my child, one of my children, we won't say which one, has a tendency to take cans of soda. Cans of seltzer, whatever it is, cans of beverage, say, and he sneaks them out into the yard. You're like, oh, come on, just let the kid have a can of Sprite. No, no, no. He takes the cans and he takes knives like sharp things and he cuts into the cans and then he comes in either covered in sugar water or maybe bleeding. What happened? Oh, yeah. I fell off the slide. What? You fell off the slide? Are you OK? Oh, baby. Then you go outside and you see a massacred can and you're like, this kid does not need any more knives at all.

Producer: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper comments. It is family friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating. And review the Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably natty bumper car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at natty bumper. Car. Dot com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at natty bumper car. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

July 29, 2024
Bumperpodcast #422 – Season 2 – Coaching

There is nothing more rewarding or more likely to make me bananas than having the opportunity to coach my kid’s teams.
The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
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[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” size-toggle=” av-desktop-font-size-toggle=” av-medium-font-size-toggle=” av-small-font-size-toggle=” av-mini-font-size-toggle=” size-content=” av-desktop-font-size-content=” av-medium-font-size-content=” av-small-font-size-content=” av-mini-font-size-content=” heading_tag=” heading_class=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-l9ikt3t4′ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-l9ikt0v5′ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:04 Let’s talk about coaching. Let’s talk about being a coach and the expectations of being a coach. Hi, everybody, it’s me Natty Bumpercar. The bumper podcast. And I have been honored to I was the coach of my kids basketball team. And I had never played basketball. So that one was a little bit challenging. But I know enough about basketball that I could kind of, you know, wing it a little bit. But then the opportunity came up to coach his soccer team. And I played soccer, most of my life from growing up up until I think, junior year of high school or so. And loved it, loved it to pieces. And so when I found out they were looking for soccer coaches, I was like, Yeah, sign me up, you know. And it’s funny, because, you know, the organization, I wasn’t given any information, it was just like, sure your coach, show up. And I was like, okay, I can do that. And so I show I showed up the first day, and I got my team. There, the great team, great ghosts, was what is when I call them, I made a little I was like, You guys are the great ghosts. And they were like, okay, and then one kid was like, I want to be a great goose. And I was like, fine, I don’t, whatever, that’s great. And I had to learn all of their names, I made him stand in a line. And I because I think it’s important, right? That these are these are you want them to feel, you know, like, they’re part of the team, like they belong, like they have their own identity. And so they went through their names. And and whenever anyone would say their name, I would say, All right, everybody say hello to Tom, there’s no tom, but I’m not gonna give you the kids names, because that would be untoward. But you know, and so then they would all introduce themselves. And then we kind of found out, you know, who was in third grade? Who’s in fourth grade? And do you go to this school? Do you go to that school, just to kind of, you know, establish who everyone was, and try to build a tiny report. And the time that I had. Now, the first week was was was bananas, because we had two practices and three games within the span of seven days. So it was like, Hey, you’re not playing soccer. And then all of a sudden, it was like, hey, guess what, you’re doing soccer every single day of your life. And it was hard because the kids were getting very frustrated and tired. You know, because they’re running around, they’re playing hard. And, and when it’s almost every day, there’s just no break. So they don’t get a chance to, to kind of come up, come back, relax, whatever. But the thing is, is we’ve, it’s great. It’s great fun. And I the reason I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice, but it’s a little bit raspy is because I basically scream, and from the time the game has started, maybe even a little bit before until the game has ended. And it’s not because I’m angry. It’s I am out there. And I, I really take a lot on like, I feel a real responsibility to, to get these kids to learn and to motivate them and to try to get them into spots where they can best, you know, have the chance for success. And it’s difficult. I’m not I’m not gonna lie, like, it’s I last night, I was like, Oh, this is like herding kittens, because it’s always a fun phrase. I’ve always enjoyed that phrase, herding kittens. And I always like when someone’s like, Why are you hurting kittens? And I’m like, no, no one’s hurting kittens. I’m hurting them hurting hurting them. What do you mean by that? You know, like, trying to get big herd of kittens through the Valley into the into the pasture, the gated pasture. So they can they can I don’t know play with butterflies or whatever. Ah, so are the kittens being hurt then? Oh, no. We’re gonna play with butterflies relax. But, you know, because I’ll be on the sideline. And I’m like, you know, I have to give them all their position positions. Oh, I have a weird thing that just happened. I give them all their positions. You know, you’re gonna be my striker, you’re gonna be my, my stopper which is what I call the, the the middle defense person. You’re my left fullback, you’re my rightful way which which which way is which way is left coach, this is well this is this is your left and and so you’re just gonna go back there to the where I’m pointing where I go coach, again, I want you to go back to that corner right where I’m pointing. Why aren’t you going? Hey, could you please just go? Yes, no you Why are you coming off the field? Why why failed, I need you to go back to your spot coats my shoes untied get over here, let’s tie your shoe real quick like this is it’s a real constant flow of, of me trying to get them to stay focused on the game, get into their spots and and do what they’re supposed to do, but also to try to learn and have fun. So it’s a real, real balancing act that I’m going through. And it’s also difficult because, you know, there’s there’s some kids that are more advanced, and they kind of want to take over the game. But this is a recreation league. And so this is a developmental league. And so I’m constantly, I’m like, hey, you know, let that kid take the kick, or let that kid take the throw in? Because, you know, you’re Yes, you are really good at it. But I need other I need everybody to learn how to be good at it because we’re a team. And, you know, a lot. So a couple of games ago, we were playing it was actually on a on a on a baseball field. And so you know, part of it is, is dirt like that baseball field, dirt, whatever that stuff is. And then grass. And I’m looking down at one end of the field, we’re we’re our we have our offense as the ball, and they’re getting it, they’re gonna go oh, wait, no, the ball is coming back our way. So I have to turn. And I have to get my defense ready. And so I was like Dave, and then I stopped because one of the kids was grabbing scoops of sand in his hand and dumping it into the making like a little funnel with his other hand, and then trying to catch it. The dirt as it was coming through the funnel on the bottom. And he was doing this back and forth. And I was like, like podcasts stand up. And then I looked at the other side of the field and there was a kid picking grass off in us. And so there’s there’s a lot of me of me yelling. And the fun thing is, is when I’m yelling, what are you doing, please stand up. Here comes the ball. It usually doesn’t register until I’ve I’ve yelled the person’s name four or 567 times. And the difficult thing with that is that there are kids who are very competitive and who take the games very seriously a lot more seriously. Than, you know, the the grass pickers or there’s we have kids who dance on the field, which is wonderful. But you know, maybe not the exact right time. And the kids who are taking a lot more seriously. You know, they’ll start yelling at their teammates. And I’m like, no, no, no, no. So then I have to pull them off. And I’m like, Listen, I’m the coach. That’s my job. I’ll do the yelling. You I need you to focus on playing the game. It’s it’s really it’s it’s a lot I we had a game recently. And we didn’t have enough for substitutions, we only had eight people. And so we have a we have our striker, and then our three mids and then our three, defense and then our goalie right so everybody that I had was on the field playing and the ball was again, the offense had the ball there, they’re making a move on the other side of the field. They’re going to oh wait, here comes the ball is coming back quick defense. And so this time, it wasn’t people picking grass and scooping dirt. My goalie was just sitting in the goal. Like he was just and so I yelled his name. I was like saying what a stand up state. And I kept yelling his name. And for like 15 seconds I’m screaming his name and um, and he finally looks over he goes my shoes untied. And I was like, ah carried by you’re, like I told I said you’re my goalie. The ball is right, come on. And I’m just like screaming like this child, too. You know, because when I listen, I’m a coach. These are kids. They’re learning. They’re far away from me. So I have to yell. But I think it’s what’s important is the context and how I’m yelling. I’m not saying like, you’re a bad person, because you’re not doing what I’m asking. I’m just saying like, hey, I need you to lie side. Right. And, you know, I’ve really noticed as the season has gone on that, it seems to motivate them. Now this John, I was like I said, I don’t care about your shows. You’re my goalie. I care about my goal, right? I because I really wanted to impress upon him how much I was worried about the ball going in the in the goal. And so then I had to run around after the ball was back down the other side of the field. And I went, I was like, Hey, Are your shoes, okay? Everything, okay? He’s like, Yeah, and I was like, Hey, I wasn’t yelling at you. I just wanted you to stand up. Because you’re my, you’re my goalie. You’re my goalie, you know? And he was like, Yeah, I know, Coach. I know. I was like, you’re good, right? He’s like, Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. I was like, okay, cool. Cool. Cool. And then, later in the game, we had a different goalie. And he made a nice save, he stopped the ball from going into the net. Phenomenal. i Yeah, good save. And I say I’m clapping, you know. And then he’s got the ball in his hand. And then he just starts throwing it up in the air. Like, he was so happy that he ended, he was like, I’m gonna just throw this ball up in the air. And I was like, Stop throwing shot, there was a ball. Like, you can’t just he’s like just tossing with himself, like, Hey, I’m, I’m throwing the ball here. And after the game was when I finally got a chance to talk to him, I was like, Hey, you did a great job and go, but please don’t ever, like throw the ball up in the air like that again. And he was like, why? And I was like, well, think of it this way. It’s raining out. It’s wet. Just imagine I said, and who knows, it might never happen. But maybe if it does, just imagine that you’re throwing the ball, and it bounces off your hand, it slips, whatever happens. And it rolls into the goal, what would happen? He’s like, Oh, they would they would get a goal. And I was like, yeah, and how would that make you feel? And he’s like, terrible. And I was like, yes. I’m trying to avoid you feeling terrible, because I want everyone to be happy all the time. Because that’s, you know, we’re always gonna have fun. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. But I feel like it’s my job as a as a coach, to make it as enjoyable as possible so that if these kids want to move on with this, that they’ll do it. Outro 12:42 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon. NonPro 14:01 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com Transcribed by https://otter.ai [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

October 21, 2022
Bumperpodcast #374 – Nighttime crew

On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty talks about how nightmares happen because of a lack of a labeling system in your brain. What?!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 374, Natty Bumpercar gets candid about exhaustion after one of his four children experiences three nightmares in one night. Drawing from his middle-of-the-night comforting duties at 2:33 AM, Natty develops an elaborate theory about how the brain processes stress through a "day crew" and "night crew" filing system. He proposes that unlabeled emotional folders lead to nightmares, suggesting a color-coded organizational system for feelings to help the night shift brain workers process daily anxieties more effectively. Natty also shares his thoughts on creating helpful daily routines and structures for children while maintaining flexibility for spontaneous fun. This sleepy but thoughtful episode balances humor with genuine parenting wisdom about managing childhood stress and emotions.

Memorable Quotes

“I went to a grocery store and we walked around and we ate samples. I had a little flaky pastry with some cheese in it. They gave me a piece of steak at the sample booth. What kind of magical dreamlike store is this?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“The night crew opens it and they're like whoa whoa whoa we didn't deal with any of that stuff today. Let's just throw it all against the board and see what happens. The dream board as it were.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“You want to have it so it can bend a little bit. Be spontaneous. Go have some fun, loosen up, live a little bit. Within certain boundaries, within certain structures.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #nightmares #sleep #anxiety #mentalhealth #dailyroutines #brainscience #emotions

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper pod casketeers my favorite people in the whole wide world hi there guys how's it going it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and today we're gonna talk about being tired being so very tired one of my four children had three nightmares last night it was like a christmas carol but in the middle of uh march he had he had one one and he but he couldn't remember his his nightmares have you ever had nightmares before man i have and they can be so scary after he had his nightmares and i finally got to sleep um i didn't have a nightmare but i had a fun dream which is it's weird for me to say it's a fun dream but i went to a grocery store and i had a fun dream and i had a fun dream and grocery store with a couple of friends of mine and we walked around and we ate samples i mean it doesn't sound like a lot of fun i understand that but for me at the moment it seemed like the best kind of fun um i had this i had this a little uh a little pastry a little flaky pastry with some kind of cheese in it oh it was so good i had um a piece of steak they gave me a piece of steak at the sample booth i've never i've never had steak at a sample booth what kind of magical dreamlike store is this i don't know but when i was asking him about his dreams he couldn't remember all he remembered is that he was sad and scared and and it made me sad and so i i came into his bed and uh i i laid down so what we do is because he has you know a tiny little bed is his head's on one end then my head's on the other and then our feet are going in the opposite direction and that's just so we have you know a little bit a little bit of room right to to try to get back to sleep and then i take my my left hand and i kind of laid it down over his uh onto his legs and just kind of patted him just saying it'll be okay buddy it'll be okay it'll be okay and he calmed down and you know before we even he came into the room and got us and uh i gave him a big hug big tight bear and i said are you okay what's the matter are you gonna be you're gonna be okay you know daddy's here mommy's here we're we're here everyone is here and he said okay because he was very tired also it was the middle of the night when this happened and like like 2 33 in the morning that's very very early or late i guess it's it's this is a uh is your glass half full or half empty kind of it was very middle of the night we'll say that and so i got him back into bed and uh he actually he wanted a little a cup of water and then he used the restroom and then we got back into bed and i i patted his legs and i said it's going to be okay it's going to be okay now i have a theory and you can tell me what you think about this theory but i have a theory and my theory is if you're in uh if you have some sort of sort of stress some sort of tumult some sort of uh rough times during the day maybe that sometimes your brain doesn't want to deal with that rough stuff that stress at that moment and so your brain stores it all into a folder back in the back of your brain right into the your storage and then when you lay down the night crew comes in and uh takes over from the day shift they said hey see you later and they're like hey night shift we'll see you later and the night shift comes in and they've got this stack of folders you know from the day they're like okay we got to process all this stuff that happened during the day you know they start going through the folders oh look this we played kickball it's a little let's have a little kickball dream even if it's just a tiny dream oh this folder is very heavy and very dark and very oh well let's open it oh my goodness there's a lot of stress this child was worried about something oh what what in the world maybe it's that you have a test coming up maybe it's that somebody said something mean to you maybe your dog ate your ball or something like that you know all that stuff goes into your folder your sad scared worried angry folder whatever and then when this night crew opens it they're like whoa whoa whoa whoa we didn't deal with any of that stuff today you know what let's just throw it all against the board and see what happens what happens the dream board as it were and then you get to deal with whatever i guess comes from there so your brain hasn't dealt with whatever issues you had during the day you've internalized everything you've taken all your emotions and you've squished them squished them squished them squished them squished them squished them down into you and then at night they're like oh i gotta get out of here and then and then maybe you might you might have little nightmares which is sad right but understandable also you have a lot going on everybody's got a lot going on in their day in their minds not just like the normal stuff but maybe your schedule has been uh shifted around maybe things are a little bit different than they used to be and even just different can be enough to to to make you worried about things or uh to get you anxious or to get you angry and and you know if if you're too tired or whatever to or you're too busy to deal with uh that anxiety that that anxiousness that anger then you it all goes into that folder the night crew doesn't know what to do with it they just open it up and then boom bam boom whatever happens happens right i think that maybe a better way for the day crew to deal with this stuff is to label the folders right and so then the night crew's not coming into this blind the maybe we're gonna have uh you can even color code it right maybe blue for happy uh red for angry yellow for sad uh uh green maybe for worry i don't know purple you know like purple for silly makes sense right uh and then so then you can put all your your thoughts from the day into these folders and so then when they're done they're going to be in the folder the night crew comes along they can they can look at it and they can go okay you know what let's let's this looks like this uh angry folder sad folder is pretty thick tonight let's how about let's work through these other ones we're gonna leave this one here for the uh for the day crew or maybe we'll just take a little bit out of of that one and we can spread it in with the other stuff just to try to minimize the impact of the bad stuff because you know if the folders aren't labeled they don't have any idea what's in them and they're just gonna open it up and then wham bam you got a crazy dream man right which it it's bad because then if you have crazy dreams that keep you up at night then the next day you're tired right and that just means you're almost set up for more rough stuff to happen which is just going to keep filling up that bad folder which is just going to keep on making you anxious and making you worried and making you upset and without some sort of labeling system i'm telling you it's just going to become a spiral it's just going to keep happening it's going to come around going to keep coming around it's like a trolley car here it comes boom here it comes boom here it comes so we need to talk to the manager whoever is managing your brain i'm assuming it's you and we need to figure out uh a way to set up a good system for your uh daily activities your thoughts your feelings your emotions to be more properly labeled so that the night crew isn't coming in blind um and then from there i i can only see good things happening i can only imagine that uh things are gonna get better and better maybe not here's the thing too if we're going to transition to a whole new um system then there's going to be some bumps in the road there's gonna be some confusion there might even be some mislabeling which could lead to just oh who knows like let's let's say you have uh you're really really really really really really really angry about something and that ends up in the pink folder and they open up the pink folder expecting you know what i don't know bubble gum and rainbows and good times and then all of a sudden this angry thing in the oh it's just gonna that's gonna be we're gonna have to write up a report for that okay that's gonna have to be looked at we're gonna have to figure out where where where in the chain of command and here no one's gonna get into trouble because this is a brand new system and we're not the kind of company that's gonna you know point at people and say you did this but we are going to try to figure out how to make it better and how to not have that happen again okay so let's work on that i think it's become very important in my day trying to establish uh structures trying to establish uh a good foundation so like when i we've been putting up uh lists in the house so um when you wake up and there's like a nice piece of paper and it says um uh go potty brush your teeth make your bed right and then you know then go downstairs have some breakfast relax and then we'll start the day right and that even just like adding little things like that little constants are good for your brain because if your brain knows where it has to go it doesn't have to wake up and then think like what am i gonna do now it's like oh i'm just gonna go potty i'm gonna brush my teeth i'm gonna make my bed boom boom boom boom boom and then every day you get into a rhythm and the rhythm and the rhythm and it's gonna make you feel a little bit better i think that's my theory now there's variables right let's say you have uh lunch time on there and then you have go outside and play and it's raining well then we're gonna have to shift gears gotta be flexible too that's the thing when you have a system you don't want it to be a rigid system right a rigid system means it's not flexible you want to have it so that it can bend a little bit so it can so you can do other things too and and that allows you for the freedom to to move around a little bit right to be spontaneous it's spontaneous you know what that means it it means uh hey you're supposed to do this thing hey but do you want to do this thing and you're like yeah i'd love to do that thing you know if it was a rigid system you wouldn't be able to you'd be stuck doing the first thing but if we're a little bit flexible hey be spontaneous go do this other thing that's okay do you do what you want that's go have some fun loosen up live a little bit right within certain boundaries within certain you know structures it's all about structures um what i like about structures is kind of what i was saying it helps me to know what i'm supposed to do and then i can choose if i want to do it or not which is what i think you should do because you're awesome okay

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March 27, 2020
Bumperpodcast #310 – Turkey is back

Turkey is back – and he is bananas.

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 310 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a Thanksgiving crisis when Turkey shows up at headquarters in a state of panic. Joined by Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus (acting as Turkey's lawyer), and Robot with his universal Turkey decoder, the gang attempts to calm the anxious bird who fears he'll end up as dinner. Through a chaotic series of misunderstandings and Turkey's rapid-fire gobbling, the team works to communicate and reassure their feathered friend. The episode wraps with a heartfelt message from Natty about gratitude and making it through tough times, while Turkey finally settles down for a nap.

Memorable Quotes

“Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

“He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You should wake up every day and look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for making it through the day.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #thanksgiving #turkey #anxiety #friendship #gratitude #communication #holidaystress #kindness

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast and it's me it's natty bumper car and it's that time of year it's that time of year where it's almost thanksgiving and i oh no look who it is

Producer: hey buddy how are you you're freaking out you're freaking me out there's a lot of freaking out

Natty Bumpercar: okay you talk

Aloysious J. Pig: i don't i don't i don't know what i don't know what you're seeing i'm very sorry i'm very i'm

Natty Bumpercar: very sorry hey hey that's me uh allosius jay pig so anyway so i think what the tardy doodle is trying to say is that he's nervous because you're talking about Thanksgiving. Yeah. And always around this time of year, you know, the turkey comes in, and you're like, gobble, gobble, and you're like, who's this? And turkey, turkey, and blah, blah, blah. I think he just wants to make sure that everything is on the up and up. Oh. That everything is copacetic. Of course. You know what I'm talking about. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. Exactly. Turkey, calm it down. He's freaking out. Take it down two notches. He's freaking out. Turkey, turkey, turkey. You need to settle. Settle. Settle. Turkey. Settle. Somebody got to settle the turkey, I guess. Do we have any turkey whispers in the house? No, there's no turkey whispers in the house.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, just kidding. Oh. Uh-huh.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you seem so sad, turkey. Listen, it's going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. We're just going to hang out. We're here at headquarters. It's me, you, and Pig, and we, I, he does, I guess, he kind of, Pig, do you speak turkey? It seems like a little bit. I mean, I, I do dabble a bit. Okay, but not really. No, no, no. Okay, so we, I think that we maybe just need to find somebody who does speak a good turkey, and then we can kind of, kind of go from there. Maybe, does that make sense? I don't know what to do. You still freak it out. Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, turkey. Settle down. Stop it. You're on a, you're on a hot microphone, turkey. Don't say anything you'll regret in the future. Okay, well, calm down. I, uh,

Aloysious J. Pig: oh. I see. I understand exactly. That's exactly what the turkey is trying to

Natty Bumpercar: say to everybody.

Doodle Poodle: Hi, everybody. It's me. It's

Aloysious J. Pig: a little poodle.

Doodle Poodle: And I think that I can solve this case. Okay, it's not a case. Perhaps, perchance, probably.

Natty Bumpercar: He's trying to figure out what he's saying.

Doodle Poodle: Um, what I'm gonna do is get out some paper. Okay. And make some doodles of what the turkey who is trying to say so that you guys can get a visual representation of exactly what the turkey is trying to tell us. Is that the best idea ever?

Natty Bumpercar: I'm gonna weigh in on this and say that no, it's actually not the best idea ever. It's not, it's not the worst idea ever. Uh, but, I mean, I guess maybe we could give it a shot. But the thing is, this turkey talks very quickly. And, um, I don't know that you're gonna be able to draw what he's saying fast enough that we'll be able to convey exactly what he's trying to say.

Doodle Poodle: Oh, look, I drew this unicorn right here. That fast unicorn.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. I stand corrected. We are gonna give it a shot. We're gonna give it a shot. Okay. That's kind of amazing that you drew that that fast. Okay. I'm very fast

Doodle Poodle: doodler. I can draw very quickly if I want to. Sometimes I draw slow. But sometimes I draw really fast, too. This is just how it depends. Oh, what the, you know, this is tough. Oh, he's saddled.

Aloysious J. Pig: Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled.

Rufus T. Rufus: Turkey lawyer T. Rufus. Wait a minute, I did that wrong. Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion on exactly what he wants to do and what he deserves to do and the life that all Turkies in this great country, in this great world, are allowed to pursue and enjoy. If you do get my drift, and I believe you do by the look on your eye, on your face, above your nose, you see what I'm saying? Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, coming in, swooping in, just like I do, to protect you. To protect you, okay? Okay. Call me up. We're going to settle this out of court, lawyer style.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. All right. Are you being paid by the minute? Because that was quite the soliloquy, I think that was, the monologue. That was a monologue. That was definitely a more monologue than we needed to have at this moment.

Rufus T. Rufus: It was more of a soliloquy, I believe. It was more of a, you know. Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: But we're just trying to figure out what the Turkey is doing. What the Turkey wants, and what the Turkey needs, and what will make the Turkey happy. So, I appreciate everyone being here, but I don't appreciate you.

Robot: Hey, but I think you should appreciate me, because I think that I have a solution. I have a universal Turkey decoder inside of my programming.

Producer: Wait, do you really? That might help. Yeah. Yeah. See? Okay.

Robot: I am good for something, and so, if the Turkey would just come here and wait, where's the Turkey going? I don't understand.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. So, what do we… Bro, the robot's completely freaking the Turkey out. Okay. He's afraid of the robot. He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in. Yeah. So, we're going to get the Turkey out of the robot's oven, and then we're going to get the Turkey back in. And, of course, we're going to get the Turkey in the robot oven, and then Turkey dinner, which I have told him is not true. We're not doing that. No. He's a rusty bucket of bolts. He's not a cooking utensil item. So, just go on down. All right. Talk to the, you know, the bones. The robot. No, the bones. The bolts over there. Yeah. And, we can get to the bottom. We can settle. Turkey, settle down. Settle down. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey bro. Seriously. Why is he freaking… I can't even imagine the Turkey. He's still freaking out. I was having a nice relaxing day. You're ruining my day. I don't want to say he's ruining it. Hey, turkey. There he goes. He finally went to sleep, everybody. I think all the activity might have worked him up and got him super anxious. Oh, he's so sleepy. I've never seen a sleeping turkey before.

Producer: He's so cute when he sleeps.

Natty Bumpercar: Is he purring? I didn't know turkeys purred. This is very strange. Wow, all right. Well, now that the crisis is averted with turkey, I wanted to say thank you so much to everybody for listening to the Bumper Podcast and for being so awesome. And sometimes the world is a big, mean, scary place, but hopefully you listen here and you feel a little bit better. Or you see how crazy my world is and it makes you feel like your world isn't, you know, all that crazy. You're pretty cool. You're pretty nice. You're pretty fun. Definitely pretty funny. And thank you. And thank you and thank you and thank you. And you should wake up every day and you should look in the mirror and you should brush your teeth and then you should wash your face and then you should look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for, you know, making it through the day, making it through the night, because it's not always that easy. And the world's a big, scary place and there's a lot of big, scary things happening. I mean, as turkey evidences. So, hooray for you. Hooray for me. Hooray for every single body. Right? Right. Anybody else want to say anything? Anybody else on the podcast want to say thank you for anything? Or…

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November 22, 2017