Oh My Stars and Burgers . . .

A new burger place by the name of “Five Guys” which touts “Famous Burgers and Fries” recently opened up over in the Edgewood shopping community thing. I decided that there was probably no better way to use my time than to eat there and eat there and possibly eat there before you even did so that I could be in a greater position to give you the low down.

I had heard of this – okay I have to take a quick pause here – I was going to call this a “mini-chain” because I thought they were the little guys sticking their burger making heads into new and exciting markets – but then I went to their locations page and found that there are actually 134 (one hundred and thirty four) stores all the way from New York to Florida – oh well – I guess that gives me liberty to skip any history that I had with the place and jump right into how it was.

Oh – how I do enjoy the tasty taste of the tasty treats that I have had both times that I have been there. When you walk in, the company colors of white and red are everywhere – including on the large menu that hangs over the two cash (money) registers which are flanked (ha – a meat joke!) by an open kitchen. The menu is pretty simple – there are burgers, hot dogs, fries (cooked in yummy peanut oil), drinks and evidently the “veggie or grilled cheese” for all of those out there.

On my first visit I ordered a bacon cheeseburger with mayo, relish, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, sauteed mushrooms and ketchup – a couple of things to know – the regular burger is 1/2 (one half) pound – all of the toppings (including the fried onions and sauteed mushrooms – but not the bacon or cheese) are free – and if you have to wait in line awhile – there is a bin full of free peanuts ready to be shelled and eaten on the spot. Both times I also got a drink (the coke is so good and perfect – for my tastes – heavy on the syrup but with enough bubbles to tickle my fancy – if you don’t mind me saying) and an order of the fries (the cajun version – which just adds a sprinkle of flavor magic – hooray). I felt like I was going to pass out from all of the eating – in fact – it is highly possible that I did nod off a couple of times before “finishing” the burger and taking home a bag of fries.

And by putting “finishing” in quotes – I should point out that I in no way actually finished the burger – my stomach is tiny . . . like the stomach of a baby bird.

The second time I got the “little” version of the same burger – which was only 1/4 (one quarter) pound of perfect. Everything was as great as the first time – it was no fluke at all . . . I will do it again – but not before I go and get another Ghetto Burger from my pal “Miss Ann” so that I can better judge who will be the burger champ of my heart – and by heart – I may mean the one that eventually stops it from eating too much red meat – and bacon and cheese and fried onions and sauteed mushrooms and flavor magic – hooray!

My stomach may just end up turning into a battlefield for true burger supremacy . . . a gastrointestinal battle the likes of which hasn’t been seen in these parts in some umpteenth times . . . but I am willing to sacrifice myself for that very cause – and see it through to the bitter end. Onward – my trusty stomach. Onward and with my complete lack of exercise – surely – outward . . . we ride.

8 replies
  1. Ape
    Ape says:

    Comedy wins forever. Aside: I’ve been wanting to eat at this eatery since first my eyes ett that red and white sign. Fine reporting, sir.

  2. bumpercar
    bumpercar says:

    I'm actually still kind of full from eating there last night – but just thinking about it makes the hunger rise . . . you get back down hunger . . . you just get.

  3. Ape
    Ape says:

    I had lunch there, today. After reading this. They all laughed when I ordered the li'l one. "Li'l!" they said, laughing as they set about the cooking detail. I stayed the course, though, and walked away satisfied. Very satisfied. What a meal, indeed. End dispatch.

  4. mary k
    mary k says:

    I heard about one opening up in like Rome, or Acworth or something. Very glad to hear about the veggie option. I am going! I am going to go! I go!

  5. mary k
    mary k says:

    i literally just went! it's not a veggie burger, but just any of the 'veggie' toppings on a bun. messy! but still good. goood. i feel ill.

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