Today I was feeling a little bit ‘snacky’ and so I decided to go with what looked to be a healthy purchase. The Zachee “Almond & Blueberry Raw Fruit & Nut Bar” ended up being my two dollar choice. The package had a nice inviting blue color with green text and a leafy looking transparent cut-out that told me all kinds of lies about what I was about to eat.

The first and worst lie of the bunch (yes – there were probably a bunch of lies – but we are focusing on this main one) was that the product that I had just purchased would – indeed – be edible. It was not. Unless you count things like sticky cardboard, rotten egg shells or liquefied garbage rinds as being edible – which – I guess – they kind of are . . . because realistically – you can eat them . . . but – ew – right?!

Inside of the package was a brown extrusion with almond bits sticking around here and there. There was no smell to note. There was a definite tingle of magic potential hanging in the air.

When I took a bite – I immediately had to put my hand to my mouth in order to keep my tongue from forcibly ejecting my expensive little morsel of yuck. I had many more unbearable bites to go . . . it was like some sort of twisted penance that I was making myself go through to make up for some bad thing that I had done in the world – or something.

I suppose that my big last word on my experience with the Zachee bar is to run out to the store and buy up all that you see – and then throw them into a dumpster before anyone else has the unfortunate enough luck to unknowingly unleash the “ugh” that is inside.