Tag: technology

  • Bumperpodcast #463 – Season 3 – Best Episode

    Bumperpodcast #463 – Season 3 – Best Episode

    The Bumperpodcast episode opens with an apology from Natty Bumpercar for last week’s episode, which had no audio but was voted the favorite by listeners. Aloysius J. Pig reveals the episode’s popularity, leading to a humorous discussion about the podcast’s cast, including Rufus T. Rufus, the producer, and various recurring characters like Doodle Poodle. The conversation meanders through personal anecdotes, name jokes, and a brief discussion about improving escalators with LED lights and music.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar and the gang open with an apology for last week's audio-less episode, which Aloysious J. Pig hilariously claims was voted the best episode ever. The crew discusses the convenient naming conventions on the show, with Producer revealing his name isn't a nickname but his actual birth name. Rufus T. Rufus boasts about his many fabricated superlatives, while the gang debates whether they're a work family. The conversation takes a wild turn when they propose giving escalators a glow-up with LED lights and music, leading to Producer's panic about potentially dangerous suggestions. This episode showcases the Bumperpodcast's signature improvisational comedy and character dynamics.

    Memorable Quotes

    “That evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever… they said it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to… because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know”

    — Producer

    “You took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it… not whatever elevator music”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #podcasting #apologies #names #family #escalators #music #workplacehumor #technology

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Doodle Poodle

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: no but it's what i hold because what i'm saying is it was we made a mistake and i oh hey uh bumper podcast kateers it's me natty bumper car this is the bumper podcast yada yada yada thank you for listening um we're starting the episode off this week with an apology evidently last week we recorded an episode that's not the evidently part but it went out with no audio which for a podcast is um what i have read a very important piece uh hey actually hey natty it's me always just jpeg um and i was looking over the numbers with producer and uh i didn't know that they even had this but that evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever like out of all the episodes out of all the listings everything that one top of the peak the number one it's not even like uh what do they call it recency bias or nothing like that they just just the words they were saying about this thing they said it's it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to of this podcast really of any podcast uh make more like this but there was no audio there was nothing nobody there was no oh now i get what you're doing okay no now i see i see what you're doing and it makes sense that was their favorite episode of the podcast because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans the uh hold on there natty uh you know you can't just go throwing around words like uh rigmarole shenanigans you know you yep yep what you're doing there is you're pointing the finger at everybody else here on the bumper podcast myself included hello everybody my name is rufus t rufus i'm the i was going to say the legal lawyer around here but i'm the local legal lawyer and and uh i just want to make sure that i keep natty that i keep you in line and i keep you in check all right because we want to make sure that you ain't just out there willy-nilly talking about whatever stuff

    Producer: you were saying before yeah no so listen i don't care about what wherever words is he saying the thing i think that it's hurting me everybody hello my name is producer i'm the producer of the podcast and it's not a nickname it's like i was born and my name was producer and i'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know i don't have any plans really and then lo and behold the way life went i ended up being here as a producer which is fine it's a you know it's okay i guess you're okay business if you can get into it but then you know you release one episode with no audio and everybody's all of a sudden like they are they're the producers at home and they're like oh you know you didn't push the button that makes the thing out there over there that with the audio in the wav files and mp3s and you know all these technical terms that i know a lot about but everybody knows yeah settle down there uh that producer also i didn't know that

    Natty Bumpercar: i was i didn't honestly i didn't know that was your actual name i thought your name was something like fred or something uh uh delores i don't i don't i don't uh uh i don't know i was going to think of a name with an r at the beginning but i can't eat roger that's a name that begins with an r uh w name winfred willifred i thought your name could have been willifred um but evidently your name is actually producer which is very convenient and helpful for us i gotta say that this podcast is never helpful okay um usually it's very convoluted and confusing and uh people are like what's happening what am i listening to what is going on but with you breath of fresh air uh they're like oh wait okay so that one's name is producer and uh and then they produce okay good perfect where where's host host hosty to make some hosts hosty that's no it's just there's it's not like his name is producery or anything like that it's just producer and so if you're asking where the host is i that's me natty bumper car um and your name is aloe jay pig you see how that worked out uh there sometimes there's a robot on the show every his name is is robot so that's very very um you know smart naming uh that we're doing there uh yeah producer you're just you're okay that's that's that's cool rufus t rufus you're that's your name um of course there's i'm trying to think of other people who sometimes come on the show there's uh there's there's doodle poodle

    Doodle Poodle: hi natty that's me doodle poodle i'm of course a dog a poodle who likes to doodle

    Unknown: oh

    Doodle Poodle: what's up does anybody want to do some drawings with me or anything

    Natty Bumpercar: we're good doodle poodle thanks for stopping by natty listen he's not like on the movie where you got to say his name three times the the second you get into the fourth syllable of this you know the second syllable of the second word so the fourth syllable he's already running down the hall thinking you know this is his big shot um yes okay i get it pig uh poodle um uh but your name's not like natty host your name's natty bumper car which makes no i don't even listen people come up to me in the street and they go so is that actually his real name and i say yeah his name is rufus t rufus it's you know it's the same forward and back i guess i don't know and they're like no no no no no no no the other one yeah i'm i'm i don't i don't appreciate you bringing my name into this uh but i do kind of like that uh people do bring me up for i'm what you would call consider a uh fan favorite at this point uh voted most likely to be succeeding from the bumper podcast uh king i was a king of prom at the bumper podcast that one year uh i brought in the most donations at one time president of the class of the the bumper the bumper podcast i have a lot of uh superlatives that i like you know that i i've earned over the years and i'm proud of it you know and i just want people to know about yeah of course so i i am not just rufus t rufus i am so much more than that

    Producer: all right i agree and oh my goodness i am so sorry i am yawning it has nothing to do

    Natty Bumpercar: with you going on and on uh listing everything that was in no way made up all the superlatives that you have earned um anyway yeah so uh yes that is sure it's my real name pig why did you don't have to engage with these people they uh it was actually my family like um you know cousins yeah and my kids okay grandpa's a family reunion okay gotcha yeah so i felt like i had to understood thank you all right i'm not i'm not gonna go to a family reunion where they're like we're kind of worried about you are you sure that this is the right career path for you and i'm like yeah it's going well then they're like but his name uh is it bumper car seems to be a strange name is all i'm saying yeah and again i okay i totally agree uh but i think what i had to ask in that situation is you can just you can take it you know listen to them and you know i don't know just kind of agree and uh walk away or something i don't know i thought we were pals we're not even if y'all pals the the blood uh the family family reunion is thicker than any kind of water or substance uh or whatever it is you know that we have going on here we're kind of like a work family right you know we come in i assume i'm like uh i don't know uh i'm the funny uncle uh uh let's see here uh uh uh natty you're like that the uncle that gave up a long time ago um aloe vicious you know i'm gonna you're gonna be like the den leader i assume yeah that's perfect that's what i've always

    Producer: aimed to be for this group the den leader yeah and so let's see here we have the funny cousin her uncles the cut the the for the day i don't i forgot all the things you just said but what is what does that leave open for me like what did i possibly be in this whole scenario oh producer anytime i hear the word

    Natty Bumpercar: scenario i get excited here we here we go here we go no how does it here we go y'all yo here we go yo say something something scenario you guys know that song what song i'm talking about out of all the terrible things that you haven't done on this podcast that was by far the worst one i've ever heard you took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it it's you know it's got a flow it's supposed to have a flow like here we go yo here we go yo yeah it's boom bap boom bap not whatever elevator music now hold on there's elevator music right but what is the escalator music did that was that ever a thing can we invent that little speakers oh you know what i'm talking about we do escalators of the future right when you go to get your car washed you go in and there's rainbow lights everywhere and it's this big exciting adventure oh it's rainbows and it's cool let's do that with escalators so you're going down and and it's got like uh led lights won't be bomb lights you know cool lights and uh i don't know some sort of a like a soundtrack right you know and it can become like that movie with a dude stepping on the piano and uh and you know so everyone's kind of playing with each other and it's it just seems like it'll bring the community together all right well i i i'm gonna admit i i hold on i don't not like that i do like that i think it's a nice idea especially like the led lights and i don't know i think but before we make uh escalators like fun and you know like an adventure we should probably make escalators that don't try to murder people because i um that's the thing you know if people don't people they and they have children they really start to freak out about it they're like whoa the escalator's gonna get you you better tie that shoe you better not sit on that step what are you doing putting that bag on there it's gonna grab that get your hands and hair away from that escalator come on you can't play with it like that it's dangerous and then now we got a whole society of people terrified of an escalator go to places with multiple levels you look around all them escalators just empty just nobody on them just a couple tumbleweeds just tumbling down the stairs you know i i know what well well hold on i i i agree i don't i can't believe that i do but i actually do agree um escalators we're kind of like uh quicksand uh you're terrified of quicksand growing up they're kind of like uh bees how my children treat bees like uh every bee is out to get them and if the bee does get them then that's the end of all things uh and now and in escalators yeah they're telling you you're gonna you're gonna lose limbs on this thing right so maybe uh pig you're right maybe we need to do what the kids are calling a glow up on the uh on the escalators

    Producer: and uh hold on a second we're not gonna blow up any anything no blowing up escalators we have to cut this okay everybody take the equipment we're gonna go and hide we can't say stuff like that on

    Natty Bumpercar: on the air yo god chill out we're not first off we're not even on the air we're a podcast but also he i think he said glow glow yeah like you said yeah it's like you're supposed to glow glow it up i don't i don't really know what it means but glow it up the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloysius j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

    Unknown: you

  • Bumperpodcast #442 – Season 3 – The Future

    Bumperpodcast #442 – Season 3 – The Future

    Get ready for a laughter-packed adventure in Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, the ultimate improvised comedy podcast that promises non-stop hilarity. Join the beloved characters Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig as they tackle the daunting task of managing their podcast. In this uproarious episode, the gang finds themselves grappling with the excitement of new equipment that promises to revolutionize their show, only to discover that no one knows how to use it. Chaos ensues as calamity befalls the crew, and just when things couldn’t get any crazier, Robot makes a surprise appearance, adding to the comedic mayhem. Don’t miss out on the fun—tune in for an unforgettable ride filled with laughter, mishaps, and unexpected twists and turns.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page

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    Transcription

    Natty Bumpercar 0:00
    I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

    And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

    Outro 12:42
    The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

    NonPro 14:01
    This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to figure out their brand new recording equipment. Producer becomes increasingly flustered as the gang demands he master the shiny new machine on the fly, complete with moving lines, touch screens, and mysterious buttons. Robot makes a surprise return, announcing an upgrade that allows him to charge wirelessly and produce his own power. The conversation spirals into talk about The Court Sandwich Shop and whether they should order lunch during recording. With uneven audio levels, missing pop shields, and everyone getting hungry, this episode captures the hilarious dysfunction of learning new technology while trying to produce a podcast.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It was super crazy quiet. Did you push a button to make that happen? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Is this torturous to the people listening?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. Why do we do this? Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.”

    — Producer

    “I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. I guess you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.”

    — Robot

    Topics: #technology #newequipment #chaos #sandwiches #food #robots #recording #behindthescenes

    Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Producer: Oh!

    Aloysious J. Pig: Listen to that! Yeah! We have new music! Finally! Makes me happy. Not much makes me happy these days, but that makes me very happy. And also what makes me happy is that you're here and that I'm here. And I have new equipment! Yeah, just… Oh, you told him about the new equipment. Oh, it's like… It's new, it's shiny, it's got all these colors on it, it's got a touch screen, I don't know what we're doing with it, we don't really deserve it, but it's neat, and it's there, and I'm staring at it, and I can't stop staring at it, because there's lines that are moving, there's lines that are going this way, and that way. I mean, this machine, it's got lines that are going this way and that way. Who knew? I never knew, I never thought we'd ever be quite this advanced, you know? I'm looking at… I'm looking at the machine across the way there, and I don't really, I don't trust it so much, but normally we was recording in sort of, I don't know, it seemed like a shoebox that we would just kind of talk at, and I don't know how it worked either, but, you know, I was more comfortable with the kind of, you know, cardboard look of it all, kind of a wood grain, if you will, and now this thing is all shiny and plastic, and I just, I don't know about it. One thing, I just, I don't… Producer, what do you all think about it?

    Producer: Yeah, well, you know, I really like it a lot, but there's, you know, when we don't… I don't know how to work it entirely, and so I can see that I can hear the voices are coming through, and so that it's good, but then I can… I've been listening back, and I can't really… The levels are different, you know, and so I'm trying to, on the fly, learn a little bit, like, on the job, and I'm also trying to kind of, you know, I don't figure this thing out. Like, there's buttons and everything, and it's just a little bit more than I was ready for, you know? Like, yes, like that, for instance. I was not ready for that even a little bit, but then, you know, sound effects, that's great. It's great for me, okay? Yeah, there it is again. There it is again. Perfect, perfect.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I heard the sound effect, but it was super crazy quiet. Like, it was definitely there. I don't know where it came from. Did you push a button to make that happen, or how did it happen exactly? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Now, I mean, like, I know that we're just trying to learn this thing, but is this torturous to the people listening? Oh, yeah, it's like, oh, cool, we got new equipment, and it's just like, well, this is unlistenable. Yeah, now… Aloysius, I think you can agree with me that unlistenable is a very hurtful term. I think it's, you know, very listenable. I mean, you can put it in your ear, ear pods, ear buds, whatever the ear things are, headphones, I'm gonna guess. But, you know, and you can listen to it. It just maybe not sounds so good, but it's still, by the letter of the law, listenable, I would think. I'm not sure if it is listenable, because it's like, I… I can, in my headphones, when I talk, I can hear myself, and I sound great, and I'm like, whoa, this is gonna sound like the greatest thing ever. But then whenever you guys talk, it sounds like you're in a pipe that's in a tunnel that's under a whale. Like, you're very far away, but… But I can hear myself when I talk, so can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, I can hear me,

    Producer: but everything's just very… You know, guys, this is Producer, by the way. It's a very difficult situation for you to put me into. You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and then you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. I don't even know what it's gonna do. It's got the cords coming in, it's got the lights going, it's got the little lines going, and it's plugged into the main thing over there, and I see this thing is doing that, and I'm trying to do this thing over there, and it's completely different from anything that I've ever… You know, we don't… This is… Why do we do this? We could have done this so long ago. We could have done it a week ago, two weeks. I don't know. Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Listen, yeah, I agree with Producer. I mean, it is kind of fun to see him kind of freak out, because I've never really seen that before. He normally produces over there behind, you know, the buttons and the knobs and everything, and he's, like, making everything do whatever it's supposed to do, and now today, all of a sudden, I think we've finally… We've pushed him over the edge, and I feel a little bit guilty. Not entirely, because, uh, Bumperguy, you were the one who brought this thing in, and, uh, you know, it's kind of your fault, but, uh… Still, I mean, it's got sound effects, so what are we gonna do? Exactly. I think you just made that one work, so good job, Producer. Is there anybody in here that we could ask that would maybe know how this new technology works?

    Robot: Ooh, hi, everybody. It's me, Robot. I heard that there's some new technology. I'm so excited.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, wait. Who? I thought… Hi… Mm, let's see. Hi, Robot. It's nice to see you. You actually sound like yourself again for the first time in a few years, and that's my first thing. My second thing. Hi, Robot. How did you get here? I was told that you were unplugged. Uh, Producer? Is it… Can we have a sidebar conversation? Can you do that with the new equipment, where maybe just you and I are having a conversation? Is that possible? You know, if you're gonna start talking about sidebar conversations, Natty, that's more of a legal roya type of thing. You know, we have sidebars with the judge. We have sidebars with the prosecution or the defense. You know, whoever it is, a bailiff. I've had a sidebar with a bailiff. One time, I actually went to a sandwich shop to get a sandwich, and, uh… I said, Can y'all put some pickles on my sandwich? And they said, That's over there on the sidebar. And I said, Excuse me? And they said, You know, the fixin's bar. And I said, Wait, before you just said sidebar. And then I looked up, and the sandwich place was actually called The Court. And The Court Sandwich Shop, and the people making the sandwiches, you know, sometimes the sandwich artists, well, these… They said, We'll be the judge of that. That's what the little thing said. How's your sandwich? And I said, Oh, I like… And they said, Hold on a second. We'll be the judge of that. You love your sandwich. And I was just like… I object. It was a whole thing. You know, we gotta go back to that. You ever been down to The Court Sandwich Shop? Yeah, no. I've been there. But I think Natty was trying to… Yes, it's good. I agree. It's fun. It's a great concept. But I think Natty was trying to figure out how to… Why robots here? And he was gonna talk to producer. But it's good to see that even with this new equipment, we can still spiral. We can still spiral into nonsense and not making any sense and lunchtime talk. Because, you know, it's lunchtime somewhere in the universe, I'm assuming. And I am definitely here for it. I'm… We should… Can we call in? Is that something we can do? Can we, like, order first? Order online? Is that something… Producer, can you get the website up?

    Producer: No, I can't. No, I actually cannot get the website up because I'm struggling with this new equipment that you have dropped onto me. No, not… Not literally dropped on me, but just, you know, it's on my desk here. And you said, okay, new equipment, now go. And so I can't do the equipment and also do the website for the sandwich place. And, you know, and also nothing to go back to it. I don't know how robot is here, okay? The plug, I don't even know where the plug is. So it can't be plugged in because I lost the plug a long time ago, okay? This is a lot of my blood right now, you guys. You're really pressuring me a lot, okay?

    Robot: Yeah. So there's no power cord anymore because I got an upgrade. And I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. It just cut the power. It just froze into me. And the more that I walk and I move and I talk, it produces more power. So I'm using energy right now, but I'm also producing power. So I guess, you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, robot. I get it. You can make power somehow. I don't really actually understand that, but it's great to see you. Maybe producer is the producer. I get it. You're making power. Good for you. I guess we don't have a pop shield anymore because I'm hearing a lot of puh, puh, puh, puh, puh is happening. But I think that's the least of our problems. I think the main problem right now is what we're going to have for lunch. That's always really the top of the problem. And then also, did this episode even record? Like, do you know, producer?

    Producer: I don't know. Not you. Producer, producer. No, he's talking to me, robot. So you are still robot. I am still producer. That is still Natty. That is Aloysius J. Pig over there. And then I think we have Rufus T. Rufus. Rufus, that is Natty. You can't get to our website from that. That's just a newspaper. Oh, my goodness. This is just really all falling apart. I think maybe everyone's getting a little hungry. We should have the food delivered, I think, before the show, but then it would be a distraction, maybe just during or after, because during they would ring the bell and it would be very confusing for everyone. We just have a lot of stuff to figure out, I think.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I agree, because… Well, the problem is I think everybody's a little hungry, so maybe everyone should have a nice little snack before we come into the studio, before we start recording the Bumper Podcast. That should be the first thing. Have a little snack. You know, whatever it is. An apple, that's a great snack. An orange? No, I can't. I don't know if you heard, Robot, but I can't eat oranges anymore, or else I will explode.

    Robot: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you worry that you're going to get scurvy?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Natty, am I allowed to quit this show? Is that something I can do, just walk away? Believe me, Aloysius, I've been trying for years and it's in the contract. We're locked in forever.

    Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

    Unknown: Bye-bye.

  • Bumperpodcast #433 – Season 3 – Bagel

    Bumperpodcast #433 – Season 3 – Bagel

    Welcome to the Bumperpodcast, the uproarious improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical world of Coffee-Can Alley! In this hilarious episode, beloved characters Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle are in for a wild ride as they welcome the quirky and tech-savvy cousin of Producer, Engineer. Brace yourself for laughter as Robot makes a memorable return, adding to the comedic chaos that unfolds.

    Just when you think things can’t get any wackier, the confusion reaches a new level when Natty unexpectedly stops by at the end of the episode. As the gang navigates through a series of unpredictable and humorous situations, you’re in for an entertaining rollercoaster of laughter and confusion. Don’t miss out on the fun and adventure in this unscripted and laugh-out-loud episode of the Bumperpodcast!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Producer brings in his cousin Engineer to help fix the podcast equipment that hasn't worked since being recovered. Things get hilariously complicated when Aloysious J. Pig demands to understand the bizarre frog naming convention system in Producer's swamp, leading to an absurd argument about bagels. Engineer accidentally plugs in Robot, who had been intentionally unplugged, and Rufus T. Rufus inadvertently makes Robot cry when explaining the situation. Meanwhile, Doodle Poodle tries to make sense of everyone's strange behavior, and Pig keeps threatening to call Rufus "Mr. Bagel" despite his heated protests. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational chaos and character dynamics.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer.”

    — Producer

    “You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.”

    — Robot

    Topics: #equipmentmalfunction #family #namingconventions #bagels #workplacecomedy #technology #miscommunication #frogs

    Featuring: Producer, Doodle Poodle, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Producer: so you know i don't want to talk about it too much but we do have a bit of a situation here you know it's kind of serious and i feel you know it's kind of uh hey producer it's me doodle poodle

    Doodle Poodle: i just wanted to talk to you let's see what's going on because everybody's acting kind of weird

    Producer: yeah i guess i do agree with everybody's second first round you know what is going on and how everybody's acting and it's it's i don't i don't really have much of the background but you know it's kind of a little bit yeah what do you do producer you know you can't say that word you

    Aloysious J. Pig: know it's gonna oh come on a second oh it's like it's like bees to honey somebody you okay so just forget forget you heard forget you heard anything okay we're just trying to i don't know we're getting the equipment back set up we're trying to figure these things out because all the you know the the plugs and the dials and the bells and the the the the the the belts there's bells and there's belts and uh nothing's working it seems yeah so ever since we got the equipment back

    Producer: nothing is a is a has been uh working and so i actually uh if you don't mind i apologize but i brought my cousin in and he's gonna i think maybe do a little bit of help with us

    Aloysious J. Pig: we're getting everything i said well now i hope we don't do we have a contract with this cousin of yours do we have to pay any kind of uh anything you know because i don't know if we have uh any money in the coffers and not to be uh hiring outside help is what i'm trying to say yeah you

    Doodle Poodle: know i don't think we're supposed to hire any because we don't nobody does anybody get paid here nobody gets paid here do they please to please tell me nobody gets paid i i've never gotten paid

    Producer: hi everybody it's me i am a engineer i am a producer's cousin it's wonderful to meet all of

    Aloysious J. Pig: you what in the world is going on in that swamp is everybody just like uh you're a producer so you're gonna be a producer you're an engineer so you're gonna be an engineer and how does that because it seems like it gets confusing because somebody says oh hey hey it's you your name is engineer and then you don't get confused are you gonna be like uh a choo-choo uh on the train engineer are you going to be you know how does this all work well you know these a lot of frogs

    Producer: you know the ted pose and every season there's a there's really a big number of us frogs that they're kind of coming to the world and so the only way they figured out how to make it make any scenes at all was if they were like okay you know what this this one's going to be a baker so we're going to call him baker and then this one over here is going to be um really good at the drums and so we're going to call him drum drummer drummer i guess drummer yeah and so you know just to kind of keep everything up okay okay hell what what producer said is true um so i um was was born and was called producer wait a minute and uh it didn't work out because my cousin yeah he was already producing and so then they changed me over to be an engineer what can i help you with uh

    Aloysious J. Pig: wow your your speech patterns have they are they're very interesting now uh what i'm trying to figure out here so if i was a little tadpole and i was a frog and i was i was i was i was born i sit Y'all are born, is that how it works?

    Producer: Yeah, of course we're born, of course, yes. You know, that works, okay?

    Aloysious J. Pig: So if I'm born, do I already have my hat on? Do I already know all the legalese? Are they just going to call, you know, Frog Rufus? Are they just going to call me a lawyer or something like that?

    Producer: Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer. So what we do is, you know, if you were born and there's no lawyer, then, you know, you could be the lawyer. But if there's a lawyer, then you're not the lawyer, okay? You could become, I don't know, like Mr. Bagel. You make the bagel. They go, I love bagel. You go, okay, I guess I'm going to make the bagel.

    Aloysious J. Pig: That don't make no sense. I don't even, I don't even, I don't even, I don't understand bagels. I don't like bagels and I just, I refuse. I don't want to be bagel. You ain't going to call me bagel. You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk. Settle down, big guy. Settle down, okay? Nobody's calling you bagel. And that was just a scenario that producer was trying to explain to you that if there was already a lawyer, then he just kind of came up with a random thing. Also, what is your problem with bagels? I don't understand. What's your beef, huh? What's your damage, huh? What's getting your blood hot, huh? I can't think of any other answer.

    Producer: That's all I got. I was just looking. I was looking because I was communicating and evidently we don't currently have a bagel man. So, you know, if you do want to be a bagel, then you can be a bagel, I suppose.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I don't, why are we even still talking about that? I was told that that was a scenario that was made up just to expose, a situation, structure that is inevitable and equitable in frog land. And I'm not a frog. And I am, I'm Rufus, T. Rufus. I'm a lawyer, clearly, a man of the law. I am a book learned and ready to go into a courtroom and assert myself. But I, again, I do not like bagels. Oh, come on. And I would not appreciate. Y'all calling me a bagel. All right. And I just do not do it. All right. Cool. So I guess we're not going to call you bagel. Okay. But what I don't, what I've never heard anyone get so agitated, so angry about a bagel. Like, what is your problem? Bagels are delicious. Do you know how many flavors they come in and how much stuff you can put on those flavors? I mean, it's, it's, it's limitless is what I'm saying. And, oh, whoa. There's like crisps. They're kind of, you know, hot on the outside where they boil them. And then on the inside, they're just so warm and just delicious. And are you kidding me?

    Robot: Hey, everybody. It's me, Robot. I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.

    Producer: Wait, wait. No, no. Stop. Somebody likes a bagel. You're a specialist. You're supposed to be unplugged, Robot. Who, who, who, who de-unplugged you? Who plugged you in and who, why, who, who woke the robot up is what I'm saying. Now, I may have, might have, could have been the one to plug him back in, you know? But why would, you can't just go, you're, why you can't just go around plugging robots in and all this random stuff. You know, we have a set list of things. We have a set list of things that we do need help with, all the podcast equipment. But I, why are you, you can't just plug in all this, like a robot, and you don't even know anything about these robots, right? All I know is that I'm an engineer, and I saw a piece of machinery right over there, and it was evidently not working. And so I said, you know, I think I see how to fix this. And then I just plugged it in, and look at this, all of a sudden. We have ourselves a little robot now, don't we?

    Robot: Oh, we sure do. Thank you so much, engineer. I wish you were here the whole time. Because then, I would have been working this whole time, and I would have been on the podcast.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Now listen, I'm not saying we're, like, on a strike system, or demerit, or whatever. But that has to be one strike. Against your cousin, producer, because… Well, I, hold on, I can, uh… With all due respect, robot, uh, we, I don't, I can't even say it. No, that's not a, that's not an issue, that's not a problem for me, because I can say it. As the steward of this headquarters here in Coffee Can Alley, as the, uh, the lawyer here at Bumper Podcast, you know, I'm… Here to tell you, robot, that, uh, well, um, you were unplugged intentionally, and, uh, you know, without this engineer frog coming in, I don't know if you would have been plugged back in. I, I don't even understand.

    Robot: Why, why would you do that? I thought everybody liked me. I thought that the Bumper Podcast was a nice place where everybody…

    Aloysious J. Pig: Great job, Rufus. Great, great, great, great, great job. That's like six greats. You made the robot cry. And you know what happens when robots cry? Now I gotta go get the oil can so it doesn't rust up. So, I, I'll be back, but this is… Okay. You know what? It is what it is. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Um, what's going on? Pig? Where, where are you headed? It's a long story. Robot's back. Uh, this is engineer, producer's cousin or something, and, uh, Rufus made robot cry, and then there's tears, which means… That you have to go get the oil can. I totally understand.

    Unknown: Hi, daddy.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Hi, robot. How's it going?

    Doodle Poodle: Oh, if we're saying hi, it's, hi, daddy. It's me, the little fool. I haven't seen you in a long time. What'd you like for me to make you… Hi, doodle poodle.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Wow, we have, uh, everyone here, huh? We've got doodle poodle. We've got robot there. Hi, Rufus. Yeah, I don't think it's in my best interest to say hello, to say anything anymore in this, this particular hanging out episode, whatever we're doing, because, uh, you know, uh, oh, the robot's crying. Oh, Rufus is, you know, he's a, he's a, he's a Mr. Bagel. What? I don't even want to be part of nothing, okay? Wow. Oh, well, okay. Um, wait. We're, we're calling you Mr. Bagel now?

    Producer: No, you know, under frog law, you know, he is, he's already a lawyer, and so, you know, we're gonna be, he's gonna officially be Mr. Bagel. Who are, who are you again? Ah, nothing. This is my, uh, cousin. He's an engineer. He's going to help me with some of his equipment and whatnot.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Now, did somebody say something about frog law? I don't know nothing about no frog law. Well, great. It looks like we're in another predicament, and all this talk about bagels has me starving.

    Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded. Mixed and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. And hearts. See you soon.

    Unknown: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

    Robot: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Bumper Podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe to our channel, like us on Facebook, and leave a comment. And if you want to see more of our past episodes, visit our website, nattybumpercar.com.

    Unknown: We'll see you next time. Bye for now.

  • Bumperpodcast #430 – Season 3 – Private Eye

    Bumperpodcast #430 – Season 3 – Private Eye

    “Private Eye” is a thrilling and hilarious episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the colorful world of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar and Aloysius J. Pig encounter a Private Eye who is grappling with their own identity struggles. However, despite their personal challenges, the Private Eye agrees to lend a hand and help the duo track down the elusive Sir Reginald to retrieve the equipment needed for their podcast.

    “Private Eye” captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast, showcasing its ability to blend comedy and adventure in a whimsical setting. This episode will have you on the edge of your seat, eagerly awaiting each hilarious revelation and unpredictable turn of events. So buckle up and join Natty Bumpercar, Aloysius J. Pig, and the enigmatic Private Eye on their quest to recover their podcasting equipment and bring laughter back to the airwaves of Coffee-Can Alley.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

    About This Episode

    In episode 430 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar introduces a peculiar new character to help recover the show's stolen equipment. After Sir Reginald absconded with all their podcasting gear, Natty hires a Private Eye (or "Pie") found through an old yellow pages directory. Aloysious J. Pig is bewildered by the Private Eye's bizarre vocal affectations, ranging from pizza delivery man to questionable accents to an unsettlingly soft normal voice. The episode features hilarious discussions about technology, phone books, and the Private Eye's various character personas. Despite the Private Eye's off-putting demeanor and confused identity crisis, he agrees to take on the case to find Sir Reginald and restore the Bumperpodcast to its former glory.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I live in magic world, magic land, if you will. I'm basically a pig wizard.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “The voice is like the ghost of a marshmallow that fell into a vat of honey that was eaten by a sloth.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “You've really confused me, I don't know how I'm supposed to talk anymore. My whole career is ruined.”

    — Private Eye

    Topics: #privatedetective #stolenequipment #sirreginald #comedy #voiceacting #technology #yellowpages #disguises

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Private Eye, Natty Bumpercar, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: I'm feeling mighty aimless like your stoats too. I'm feeling pretty shameless like a prototoo. Uh, don't think I am blameless. Nah, man. Less, less, less. Yep. All of this is making me feel stressed, stressed, stressed. Who's that? Oh, no. This is where things usually go off the rails. Um, hello? Hey, who'd order some pizza pie, huh? What in the huckleberry hound? Who are you? I'd order the pizza pie. Who'd order the pizza pie? You called me up the pizza pie. I brought you the pizza pie. I, I, I don't know what's happening right now. I, no one here ordered any pizza pie and I don't recognize you and- Oh, you don't recognize me, huh? It's me, the private eye. Natty, I swear to you, if I could get to the door, I would leave right now. I do not understand what is happening. There are usually a lot of shenanigans here at the Bumper Podcast headquarters, wherever we are. Yeah. Yeah. But this is a little bit overboard. I agree. Who is this dude? I, I did, I don't know. I think, did you say you were a private, private eye? Yes, I did say that. I am not the private guy. I am the private guy. I'm a private, I'm the, the private eye. Okay. Okay. I, okay. Okay. I see what's happening here. Um, would you care to do a little splaining? Cause I don't, I don't know what, I don't know. You can, maybe, uh, tell me, tell me cause I'm in the room. Well, I've been feeling terrible that we haven't had a podcast forever because Sir Reginald stole everything. And I've been, and last week you guys seemed really sad. And so I was like, I got to get everything back. I gotta, I gotta fix this and I gotta make it right. And I didn't know what to do. And so I actually went, I found a yellow pages. What are yellow pages? What are you talking about? I, yeah, I forget you're young. So yellow pages before there was, uh, phones, iPhones and computers and Google and all, this stuff. If we wanted to find someone, if we wanted to like find anything, you had to go into a telephone book. What do you mean? It was like a book in the shape of a telephone or is it like, is it look like an, like a, like one of my mobile phones? Like, like this? No, no, no, no, no. Hey, uh, wait. And where did you get a mobile? Whose plan are you on? Are you on? We need to figure that out. Don't worry about it. Don't worry. No, it was just a book like a regular book that you would, uh, look through with words and it was all in alphabetical order. I don't, and there were, uh, people with their names and their telephone numbers and addresses and then it was also, uh, there was a section called the yellow pages where they would have, uh, businesses and stuff so you could find them. Oh, no, this sounds torturous. This has, it's just, how did anybody get anything done? I mean, at this point I have a hard time going from the couch to the refrigerator to, uh, to get a nice beverage. You know, that's a lot of effort for me. What I like to do is I look at my phone. And I say, hey, telephone. And then it, you know, and it's like, what can I do for you, pig? And then, uh, oh, no, I'm not doing it now, telephone, stop, it's okay. Your phone's doing it. But I say that phrase and, and, and then I say, please deliver me a nice, uh, delicious beverage, uh, uh, to the couch. And it does. Really? It's magic. It's basically, I live in, I live in magic world, magic land, if you will. I guess so, right? You're basically a pig wizard, uh, pig, pig, pig wizard. I've been standing here long enough, and I feel like you're ignoring me, so I'm going to say, hello. Wait, that dude's voice has changed. I didn't, is this your real voice? Can you, what is, what, what is your name? What is your business? What are you doing here? Well, people call me the Private Eye, but you can call me Pie. Wait, we're going to call you Pie? Like, like, P-I-E-E. What, why? I don't, I, Private Eye, I get. Pie, I do not understand. So, Pie is basically, I mean, it's just, you take, uh, whatever you want. You can have a savory pie, uh, or you can have, like, a, uh, a delicious fruit pie. I, I was talking about him. I was talking about him. Oh, you were talking about him. Yeah, not about actual pies, but, yeah. Yeah, okay, I get it. All right. I got confused. I'm hungry, if I'm to be honest. Yeah, okay, okay, ready? As you are. Okay, thank you. So, um, what is, P-I-E, Private Eye, what does the I stand for? You got it. You got the private, you got the I. The I stands for incredulous, incredible, intubatable. No, no, no, no. Intelligent. No, this doesn't. All the I words. I mean, it feels like you haven't fully fleshed out your character, and that's fine, but the I, I'm just, I'll call you Pie. Yeah. Or Private, I'm just gonna call you Private Eye. It's kind of ridiculous. So, my, my other question, uh, uh, Private Eye is, uh, um, your voice is very strange. Is that your real voice? Is that, is it some sort of an act? Hold on while I take off my costume! Oh! Look at me. No, now you look like the person in the picture. Now I recognize, yeah, okay, yeah, Aloysius, uh, this is the guy that I called, um. Okay, now I'm getting somewhere. So, um, he comes very well, um, reviewed. What's that, what's that noise? So, you know, I, I, I guess I'm gonna have to trust you. So, he, um. Okay. So, my other question, fine, now we know who he is, but the voice, it just seems, it, I don't know. Well, you are talking about my voice. That's because I am a master of all language arts. I, I guess I could see how that comes in handy in your line of work, especially with the whole costumes thing, um. Eh. I, I, would you like to hear my, uh, Russian voice? It's really embarrassing, Natty. I'm from the mother, I'm from Russia. Oh, no, no. You know, okay, let me help you out, okay? That's terrible. Like, that's really not good. You know, it's a dialect, but now you want to, you're going to hear my, uh, French, uh, my French, my French. Your French voice. Hold on one second. I just have to get ready. Ah, ah, ah. I'm French. No, you're not. No. One day, two day, Wednesday. No, no. This is a Thursday. Why are you doing the days of the week? What is that? Listen, Pi, can you, I, these voices are terrible and, and, and, and borderline problematic. Can you please just, what is your, can you talk to us in your normal, whatever, whatever your normal voice is, just, you know, like, we're just three, uh, people hanging out. Hey, in a room, and then you're going to just talk to us, okay? Okay. Are you sure that you want me to do that? Absolutely. A hundred percent. One thousand million. A hundred percent. We're sure. Please just talk to us in your…

    Private Eye: Oh, hi. Hi, everybody. Oh, no. Yeah, this is my normal voice. No.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It's just… No.

    Private Eye: It's just… This is… So, yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, this is, that was, I actually, that made my skin, like, I, skin is crawling. Like, I feel like… Ooh. Somebody just threw cold water on me or something.

    Private Eye: Yeah, I get that a lot. You know, a lot of people, they say that, uh, my voice is off-putting. Okay. And I can't disagree with them.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I, um, am hesitant to do this, but I also, I have goosebumps. And, you know, you talk how you talk, and that's totally fine. You should be proud of how you, who you are and how you talk. Um, but maybe… Ah. Could we just do, like, a toned-down version of the pizza man that when you first came in, I think that would be maybe okay with, with, with me. Oh, you've had a shot. Here we go. Okay, thanks, thanks, thanks. Tell me if this is okay. I, it seems better, but just, you don't have to do, like, the, the affectations, like the tell, uh, me. You can just say tell me, and I think we'll be okay with that. I will work on it. It's difficult to… I… Pull my characters down. I've spent a lifetime building them. Okay, you sound, you sound like… Like what? A little bit like a robot in Sicily, which is okay. Look at, you know, Sicily, look at you. So, Natty, what did… Yeah, sorry. What did you, what did you hire this private eye for? So, huh, um, when we were at our storage unit, and Sir Reginald came, and he claimed all of our podcasting equipment, that was, like, a while ago. And we haven't been able to do the Bumper Podcast, and in theory, I have exciting news that's coming up, um, but it's not gonna happen if I don't have, if we don't have podcasting equipment. Um, so we need to, we need somebody to help us, because I've looked, I don't know how to find Sir Reginald. You know, there's, I looked through the phone book. That you looked through the phone book from, like, 20 years ago, and you didn't, you didn't come up? Did you, didn't he set his alphabet, alphabetical, did you look under Sir, or Reginald, Sir Reg, like, what do you… That, um, yeah, it's not gonna work. Yeah, the phone book is a good idea to… You, you're, you've become a real amalgam. I feel like you've gotten lost in, in your characters. You've, you've, you, you're maybe embarrassed of how you talk, and, and so you've created all these other characters to, uh, express yourself through? That's, that's, that's rough. It is, um, also a part of… Oh, no, I, hmm, I can't, like, it's…

    Private Eye: You've really confused me, I don't know how I'm supposed to talk anymore, how I didn't feel like… My whole career is ruined.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, you know what, a lot of people who come on this podcast say the exact same thing. They're like, oh, I was doing so good in my career, and then I got booked on the Bumper Podcast, and then all of a sudden, uh, the phones, uh, stopped ringing, the doors stopped knocking, the people stopped coming, and everything. No. Went away. Come on. And so it's, we, I get it. I get it. That's not fair. There, there's, there's so many people who have been on the podcast who, who have just, you know, exploded into fame, into the stratosphere, into the universe. They've just gone on to be… Could you name, uh, one? Yes. One, maybe. Okay, um, one. Um, uh, uh, Peanut Lou, uh, was, uh, he was in a commercial for one of those, those beds that can lit… That can, like, lift up from the back. Remember that? It was like a cat bed, and it would lift, and it would get hot and cold and everything. Are they the Purrty Beds? Yes. See, Pig? He, he knows Purrty Beds. I totally forgot about Purrty Beds. What was their tagline? No. They'll have, oh, they'll have you feelin'. Feline. Feline. Fine. Yeah. It's just, I don't know, right? Fine. You got one. Purrty Beds. Feline. Fine. It, it was a lot of wordplay. A lot of puns. He did great in that commercial. Anyway, back to the task at hand. We need our podcast equipment. Private Eye over here is obviously a master of disguise and different characters, and hopefully has the detective skills to do exactly what we need so that we can get the show back on the road. You, you sounded like you were doing the build to the end of the podcast so it would end right at road, but you did, you missed it by like 40 seconds. Just, all right. Yeah. So. Try harder. Look at the clock. Um, yes. So Private Eye. You gonna, are you gonna do this for us? You gonna find Sir Reginald? Are you gonna help us get the bumper podcast back together?

    Private Eye: You're incredibly lucky that I'm gonna take this case on and we are gonna get things done. Okay. As I'm the best Private Eye than the whole of Coffee Cane Alley.

    Aloysious J. Pig: The voice is like the ghost of a marshmallow. That fell into a vat of honey. That, that would, that was eaten by a sloth.

    Natty Bumpercar: The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty bumper car and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, we're here to help. If you want to support our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty bumper car. Also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Cane Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by us. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty bumper car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumper car dot com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty bumper car. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

    Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

    Private Eye: This has been a non-productive media presentation.

  • Bumperpodcast #405 – Season 2 – Halloween

    It’s a scarifying (scary and terrifying) Halloween episode where all of the calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!

    The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

    [av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-kve16v7s’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-kve16tl4′ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:04 What’s that? You said the calls coming from inside the house but doesn’t even make sense. It’s not how phones work. I mean, we don’t even have a landline so if there’s a phone call that’s happening and I’m inside the house and then the people have their cell phones and I guess the call can be coming from inside the house, but I don’t know if they can pinpoint it. That exact do they know where exactly where phone calls are coming from and so they can see on some sort of a map or something that the calls are coming from inside the house. Hmm, ah, is it an intercom maybe Is that what’s happening? No, Rufus T. Rufus 0:41 no, no, no, no, I believe we had signed some sort of paperwork and we got a telephone utensils that Sam but we would have to disclose and just quantify exactly where we were located. When we were making the telephone call. I’m looking around I don’t know if you can hear me I’m but I am looking around. I did hear the phone ring. And I heard the call. But I mean, could it possibly be coming from inside of the house? Producer 1:11 Hey, everybody, it’s me producer. I do normally know how the television works is you make a telephone call with the buttons in the Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing and if them the numbers is Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing and you can make the phone calling and your thing allow you have the conversation and everything but I don’t know exactly the technically speaking. Natty Bumpercar 1:33 Pretty. Producer, producer. Stop. Do you? No, no. What are you talking? Yeah, no. Producer 1:37 Okay. Yeah, no, I don’t I am saying I don’t know. Natty Bumpercar 1:41 Yeah, you went through all of that to say you don’t know. You’ll be like that’s that’s not even how people dial phones because no one knows any numbers are just like search for and then they push one it’s like beep and then they call the person call producer beep like it’s not Beep beep beep beep beep i don’t know phone number. I don’t even know my phone number. I had to fill out a form the other day and it said what’s your phone number? And I said no, I wish you would tell me is what I said to that form. And you know what that form said to me Aloysius J. Pig 2:12 and Bing nothing is that what the exactly Yeah, nothing makes sense because it’s a form forms don’t talk forms I like buckets that we take our information too. And we bring it to the bucket the bucket says name I’m going to bring my name to that bucket phone number I’m going to bring my phone number to that bucket you understand show if we can set it it forms I like buckets and we know that bucket actually do not talk then we know that forms will then not talk Am I Am I right Rufus T. Rufus 2:54 now when I had to take all the quizzes or tests whatever they offer to get into law school now there was one in particular that would say something like go banana is to a red panda as a lemonade is to eliminate stand and so you see that they’re making comparisons a con contrast and compare yeah contrast and compare Okay, Natty Bumpercar 3:30 do you understand no I mean I don’t I mean a banana to a What was it again? Producer 3:40 There’s a rat Natty Bumpercar 3:42 All right, it was a red panda got it wow you guys are both you guys both get your good listener badges today Rufus T. Rufus 3:50 Hold on a second I didn’t realize that we were still doing the badges I had donated those done some police buy was a box it said insert your badges and leave them tomorrow and the whole box it was a crate really a badges Natty Bumpercar 4:05 we had those in storage those huh? All right, guys. So you’re not going to get badges and I apologize. Because we don’t have me I’m not gonna order badges just for this. I don’t have any badges. I was supposed to incentivize you guys if I don’t have any badges. Rufus T. Rufus 4:21 I do apologize. However, I will point out that we did have a meeting whereby we were told to purge the extras the extra stuff because it were and we’ll let you know what let’s always I thought we talked about that. That bucket thing again. That was that was really interesting to me with the bucket Aloysius J. Pig 4:46 and I don’t want to talk about the bucket thing because I think I totally forgot that we were all obsessed and freaking out at the beginning of the episode. Yeah, it was a phone call. Yeah, it was coming from and cy da how good call Natty Bumpercar 4:58 pig because We never really figured that out. We got off track a few. We got off on several different tracks. And yeah, there was a phone call that is coming from inside the house, everybody. And I think it’s very serious because you know, what, to what tomorrow is? Does anybody do you know, what Has anyone had looked at the calendar? I Producer 5:17 haven’t looked at the calendar. But I know it’s not garbage dial recycling, because it’s a weekend that we don’t they don’t don’t pick up on the it’s not easy, like a leaf kind of day. You’re gonna put pick up some some ground ground. Ground three, nothing. Still sitting the bundle round. No, no. Okay. No, that, Rufus T. Rufus 5:39 let’s see, I believe the post office is closed on the weekend. I don’t really know where it is no court open on the weekend. I’m PHARMAC. Those are really the places that I go to. I like to go to the post office sometimes. And then some other days. I’ll go to the court of law, obviously, fallen papers, mail and paid ticket papers up now. It’s not I can’t I can’t wrap my mind around what it might be Bumpercar I Aloysius J. Pig 6:10 don’t know why you let them on the microphone. Obviously. It’s Halloween tomorrow, everybody. It’s Halloween. That’s why we’re freaking out. Because there’s a scary phone call that came from inside the house. It’s a it’s a thing that happens in Halloween type movies, scary movies. And people are like, Oh my god. Yep. There’s a phone call. Yep. And it’s coming from inside of the house. Yeah. Natty Bumpercar 6:31 So thank you, pig for getting us back on track and letting everyone know how serious his situation is. Because we’re all sitting in this room together. So we’re not calling each other. So that means that somebody else some random person is calling us and it’s right next to Halloween, which makes it extra scary because we don’t know who it is. And it could just be could be anyone in there if they’re already inside the house. Like why are they calling us? Why aren’t they just coming in? Or I don’t know what Rufus T. Rufus 7:02 movie? Am I telling him to start drinking? I don’t know we answer none. Aloysius J. Pig 7:05 Now you shouldn’t you know, whoever answers the phone is usually the one who goes so you should I don’t think you should. My phone is ringing Producer 7:14 our phones are ringing back same time. Even possible. who’s calling us from you? Natty Bumpercar 7:20 Guys, I want everyone to put your phone down right now. I’m I’m going to answer the phone. This is the bumper podcast. This is the I’m I’m this is my responsibility. And I’m going to answer the phone. Take a deep breath. Wish me luck. Hello. Oh, okay. I am so sorry. I am I know. I am so sorry. Yeah, pick. Pickle. Pickle come and get you I am Yes, I know. It. Okay. I everyone I know you call. Yeah, you were caught. Okay. This is a I’m a pig. Yeah. Monster was stuck in the bathroom. The door got jammed. He was stuck. We all evidently forgot that he was here. Record a Halloween episode with us. Oh, you could? Aloysius J. Pig 8:21 Yeah, well Oh, Natty Bumpercar 8:23 he is really mad. Aloysius J. Pig 8:25 I don’t blame us this whole time. Okay, I’m gonna go I’m gonna scoot over and see oh man, it is hilarious. Rufus T. Rufus 8:33 Now you might think it’s funny I’ll always just pick a loo but there could be some serious troubles here we could be under some some scrutiny and some some some some eyes people that we don’t want looking at us because we did just unintentionally or intentionally I do not know lock someone in the restroom for an extended period of time. And they claim that we did that on purpose and that we was playing I don’t know what but we could this is kind of funny. Natty Bumpercar 9:12 I am so incredibly sorry. We that bathroom door has been have it’s been a problem for a while and we had somebody come in and work on it. And now it’s actually worse than it was before we had come out Aloysius J. Pig 9:32 all right. There’s no need to threaten anybody was a mistake. It was an accident. All right. We apologize. We as he said we had somebody come and look at the door. We know that he was going to be stalking Rufus T. Rufus 9:49 you well he does have a good point that we did know he was here. We all let him in the house. So we probably checked on that might have been a good thing to do as a host Natty Bumpercar 10:00 Call I agree. And again, I’m terribly sorry. And I’m even more sorry because we’re out of time on the episode so we don’t even get a chance to talk to. Outro 10:20 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs in hearts See you soon. NonPro 11:39 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]