Tag: spring

Bumperpodcast #438 – Season 3 – Dogs and Cheese

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Transcription

Natty Bumpercar 0:08
All right. Hey, how does work for the podcast like in normal life? If you’re near someone and then they yawn, then for some reason, I don’t know what you but you yawn as well. I do. I don’t know if you do. I think you do. Do you? Why is that? It’s like a yawn response. Like, why are we why are we triggered? I’m just I’m glad doesn’t happen when we sneeze, like one person sneezes, and then the whole table sneezing? That’d be terrible. But yawning, that’s weird to like, why? Anyway, I apologize. I didn’t mean to yawn. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is a bumper podcast I I had been out and about and I, you know, I’m, I’m working on the show here. Go into the different the different countries where the bumper podcast is on the charts. It’s actually we were we’ve made it to the charts. And, you know, talking to people, oh, they said, you need a theme song. Gotta go get a theme song. I was just like, ah, we okay, we’ll get a theme song. And then they’re like, you know, you got to do everybody don’t have an opinion, you know what you got to do? And I was just like, I don’t know, what’s, what am I supposed to do? And then they tell me all these things. And I, at some point, while they’re speaking, my eyes kind of glaze over. And my brain goes to another place. And if I’m to be completely honest, I don’t know what they’ve said to me. But I’m sure they’ve given me great advice. And then I feel guilty, because these people have given their time to try to tell me, you know, get to help me to tell me what to do. And then I don’t even listen. How ungrateful is that? Tremendously ungrateful? Huh? Well, else is going on. I’ve been working on the railroad, like, Oh, my live long days. But mostly, I’ve been working on the railroad, just just to pass the time away. Because I’m not busy enough. I I like to I like to I have a therapist, I was talking to my therapist about. She said, You seem overwhelmed. seem like you’re taking too much stuff on I was just like, Yeah. And she’s like, but you I know you like to do that. And you told me that, you know, as long as you’re feeling okay, then that’s okay. Are you feeling okay? And I was like, No. And so then she was like, well, then you need to take some stuff off of your plate, and stop doing as much stuff. And I was just like, Okay, that sounds good. And practice, those are good words, have no idea how to actually make that happen. And then she said, Well, your session is over, and come back in a couple of weeks. And by that time, either, you will have figured it out. Or we can work on it then, or knowing you, you’re probably gonna start three more companies and take on 16 more impossible tasks. And I was just like, all right, that sounds like a challenge. That’s your it seems like you’re saying, Can you do these things? And I’m going to tell you right now, yes, I can. I can. I can do all those things. And I’m here to tell you a bumper podcast I’ve I’ve succeeded in doing that. I am quite proud of myself. And I feel like you should be quite proud of me as well. Because I have managed to, not only not complete, not finish any projects, but I have managed to actually take more projects on. It’s very impressive. It’s my superpower. Really, if I had to, you know, figure that I have a superpower I think it’s going to be that I just continually add on to the pile it’s almost like a weighted blanket. It’s not you know, it’s like oh, the world is so nice and calm it’s not but you know, just for the sake of this relaxing the world of this world. Oh spring its spring again. It’s not Oh, look out. The weather’s beautiful and my I’ve had a nice meal again. You don’t haven’t really eaten today, but that’s my fault. There’s not any reason other than me. Okay, Oh, perfect. Everything great. Oh, Ah, you know, and then you go, you know what I’m going to do? I’m not going to take on all a lot of projects, I’m going to take on the appropriate amount of projects, which is not because life itself is a project, taking care of the kids having the job taking care of the dogs, these are all projects, making sure that the car is working properly, making sure that you know, there’s just there’s in life, there’s this massive list, it seems of things you can’t get away from. And you know, those are big responsibility. And make sure the kids brush their teeth. Did they? Do they floss their teeth? Oh, I don’t know. Look, that one’s already asleep. How do I get him to brush his teeth when he’s already asleep? So then, why in the world? Would I go and look for more things, more responsibilities to add on to the file? Now? I don’t know. I don’t know. I mean, I’m, I’m, I’m asking you a question. Because I don’t know the answer. And I wish I did. Sometimes, I think that what I do, and maybe we’ve talked about this before, I honestly don’t remember, and I apologize for that. But what I like to do is if I just keep adding more stuff on to my weighted blanket of life, then well, I don’t know what I think is gonna happen with what ends up happening is the weighted blanket gets so heavy with all the responsibilities that I can’t move. And then you know what I do? I sleep under the weighted blanket, it’s very warm. I must say. The dogs love it, because I’m not moving so they can just curl right up to me. I had no idea like, I’ve had dogs before, but I had no idea how much the dogs that they’d like to sleep. Like, that’s all they do really asleep. All right, come for podcast. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in the middle of recording a really great episode of your podcast, which I understand is not what we were doing a second ago there. But let’s say that I was recording a really good episode of the podcast. And you know, you’re just really moving and you’re talking and you’re saying things and you’re like, Yeah, this feels great. And then your kid bursts in and says, Hey, stop talking to your computer. And I’m just like, oh, that really, really boils it down, doesn’t it? That really hurts. Stop talking to your computer, dad. Ouch. Ha. Because I mean, I mean, in essence, that’s all I’m doing really is I’m talking. I mean, I’m looking at a computer. I’m talking into a microphone. And, you know, I have I have headphones on so that, you know, there’s there’s, you know, there’s a few things that are going on. But I felt like he had gotten me good enough that there was no reason for me to, to try to retort to try to try to come back. He had beaten me down as only your children can. What was I talking about? It is that’s the thing. This was yesterday. And now it’s today. And I I don’t know. I? I wasn’t ready to you know, I yesterday, I ate oatmeal for breakfast. And today, I ate grits. grits are just little tiny bits of corn. And there were some cheese in it and some pepper and a little bit of garlic salt. If I’m to be completely honest, maybe maybe some cheese, maybe maybe more cheese than I intended. But you know, that’s how cheese works. And they say how much cheese would you like on this year, like, keep going and then it’s always just a little bit more than you anticipated or wanted. And that’s fine. It’s a good problem to have. It’s different than like gasoline in your car. Right with cheese. They say how much do you get like, fill it up? Keep going. Let’s go. And they’re like, What does fill it up mean with cheese? And you’re like, I don’t know, but we’re on this journey together. Let’s see what happens. So you know, if you do that at a gas station, you’re filling your car up and we’re like, what did you What do you want? You’re like, fill it up and they’re like, Okay, no problem and then they do and then you know the little gas handle thing goes click one because that means it’s full. It’s registered that the car is full and gas and you’re like, you know what, let’s keep going there. You can’t because then the gas spills everywhere and And then you know, it’s a fire hazard. Cheese, not so much. The only hazard that Jesus is a fun hazard

for maj hazard. I don’t know what it is. So anyway, you know, I think I was saying something about the dogs being lazy. I don’t know why I think that but I, this is kind of always on my mind how lazy the dogs are, the only time the dogs get up. And this is nice of them is when they have to use the restroom, which is what we call our back yard now because that’s, you know, what happens back there. It’s it’s, and they get up when they when they’re hungry. And they get up to, to bark, sometimes to shake, you know, a lot of shaking going on. Little ear scratching, that’s gonna it’s gonna happen probably two or three in the morning. Which is I think why they sleep all the time. I think the dogs sleep all the time, because they don’t just sleep through the night. And they don’t let me sleep through the night. And I think that the message they’re trying to tell me is, hey, you know what, why don’t you just hop on our schedule here and curl up into a ball, find one ray of sunshine, curl up in that little ray of sunshine, and pretend that it’s really warming you up? It’s not, but you can pretend it is. My assumption is that my dogs have very good imagination, and that they can really, you’re like, Yep, this is it’s woof, the sun is really giving it to me here. It’s kind of like when the door opens. And there’s a couple of birds in the backyard. And they run over to what I can only assume is to talk to the birds. Let them know hey, what’s going on? I haven’t seen in a while ah, spring is coming up. But then do the birds always fly off because they don’t want any part of that conversation. Right? I don’t know. I would love to have that conversation. I would love for spring to be here. Because you know what happens when when spring rolls around? Well, I get to sleep better because the time change is nice. There’s sun and there’s vitamins. And the most important thing of all, and I think you’re gonna agree with me then this thing here but Bob louder is that there’s a lot of cheese

Outro 12:42
the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar reflects on the contagious nature of yawning and shares updates from his travels promoting the show, which has made it onto the charts in multiple countries. Natty hilariously recounts a therapy session about his habit of taking on too many projects and responsibilities, only to admit he's done the opposite of his therapist's advice. He muses about weighted blankets as a metaphor for life's mounting responsibilities, gets interrupted by his kid telling him to "stop talking to your computer," and contemplates the important differences between cheese and gasoline. The episode meanders through observations about lazy dogs, sleep schedules, and the promise of spring, all delivered in Natty's signature rambling, stream-of-consciousness style.

Memorable Quotes

“Your kid bursts in and says, Hey, stop talking to your computer. And I'm just like, Oh, that really, that really boils it down. Doesn't it? That really hurts.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“My superpower really if I had to figure that I have a superpower I think it's going to be that I just continually add on to my life.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“With cheese, they say, how much do you get? Like, fill it up, keep going, let's go. And they're like, what does fill it up mean with cheese?”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #therapy #productivity #dogs #parenting #spring #cheese #sleep #self-reflection

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: all right i just keep on yawning i wonder how this works with a podcast like in normal life if you're near someone and then they yawn then for some reason i don't know what but you you yawn as well i do i don't know if you do i think you do do you why is that it's like a yawn response like why are we why are we triggered i'm just i'm glad it doesn't happen when we sneeze like one person sneezes and then the whole table sneezing that'd be terrible but yawning that's weird too like why anyway i apologize i didn't mean to yawn this is natty bumper car and uh this is bumper podcast i uh i've been out and about and i uh you know i'm i'm working on the show here uh going to the different uh the uh different countries uh where the bumper podcast is he's on the charts it's actually we we've made it to the charts and uh you know talking to people oh they said you need a theme song gotta go get a theme song and i was just like ah we okay we'll get a theme song and then they're like you know what you got to do and everybody they all have an opinion you know what you got to do and i was just like i don't know what what what am i supposed to do and then they tell me all these things and i i at some point while they're speaking my my eyes kind of glaze over and my brain goes to another place and uh if i'm to be completely honest i don't know what they've said to me uh but i'm sure they've given me great advice and and then i feel guilty because these people have given their time to try to tell me you know get to help me to tell me what to do and then i i don't even listen how how ungrateful is that tremendously ungrateful oh what else is going on i've been working on uh the railroad like all my live long days uh but mostly i've been working on the railroad uh just just to pass the time away um because i'm not busy enough i um i i like to i like to i have a therapist i was talking to my therapist about uh she said you seem overwhelmed seem like you're taking too much stuff on i was just like yeah and she's like but you i know you like to do that and you told me that you know as long as you're feeling okay then that's okay are you feeling okay and i was just like no and uh so then she was like well then you need to take some stuff off of your plate and stop doing as much stuff and i'm like well i'm just like i'm just like i'm just like i'm just i was just like okay that sounds good in practice those are good words i have no idea how to actually make that happen and um then she said uh well your session is over and come back in a couple weeks and uh by that time either you will have figured it out or we can work on it then or knowing you you're probably gonna start three more companies and take on 16 more uh impossible tasks and i was just like all right that sounds like a challenge that's it seems like you're saying can you do these things and i'm gonna tell you right now yes i can i can i can do all those things um and uh i'm here to tell you bumper podcast i've i've succeeded in doing that i am quite proud of myself and i feel like you should be quite proud of me as well because uh i have managed to uh not only not complete not finish uh any projects but i have managed to actually take more projects on it's very impressive uh it's my superpower really if i had to you know figure that i have a superpower i think it's going to be um that i just continually add on to my life and i'm going to keep doing it and i'm going to keep more projects uh i'm going to be able to continue to work heavy and reflect and improve more on myself and and i think that's probably what inspired me to want to remain open um and me with uh this نیس كلمن g wa无 سال i think generally vaccinations have the same implications as you as a entrepreneur although this is my trick so if i were to just do a cost on profit i could get a little low so let's get down to business from me so i'm going to say yes i garden for this all right i'm talking about residual 쓰기 all right Uh, oh, okay. Oh, look how perfect everything. Great. Ah, you know, and then you go, you know what I'm going to do? I'm not going to take on a lot of projects. I'm going to take on the appropriate amount of projects, which, uh, is none because life itself is a project. Taking care of the kids, having the job, taking care of the dogs. These are all projects. Making sure that the car is working properly, making sure that, you know, there's just, there's in life, there's this massive list. It seems of things that you can't get away from. And, and, you know, those are a big responsibility. And, uh, do I make sure the kids brush their teeth? Did they, did they floss their teeth? Oh, I don't know. Look, that one's already asleep. How do I get him to brush his teeth when he's already asleep? So then why in the world would I go and look for more things, more responsibilities to add onto the pile? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm asking you a question because I don't know the answer. And, uh, I wish I did. Sometimes I think that what I do, and maybe we've talked about this before. I honestly don't remember. And I apologize for that. But what I like to do is, uh, if I just keep adding more stuff onto my weighted blanket, of life, uh, then, uh, well, I don't know what I think is going to happen, but what ends up happening is the weighted blanket gets so heavy with all the responsibilities that I can't move. And then, you know what I do? Uh, I sleep under the weighted blanket. It's very warm. I must say, um, the dogs love it because I'm not moving so they can just curl right up to me. Uh, I had no idea. Like I've had, you know, dogs before, but, uh, I had no idea how much the dogs, they like to sleep. Like that's all they do really is sleep. All right. Bumper podcast. I don't know if you've ever been in the middle of recording a really great episode of your podcast, which I understand is not what we were doing, uh, a second ago there, but let's say that I was recording a really, really good episode of the podcast. And, uh, you know, you're just really moving and you're talking and you're saying things and you're like, yeah, this feels great. And then your, uh, kid bursts in and says, Hey, stop talking to your computer. And I'm just like, Oh, that really, that really boils it down. Doesn't it? That really hurts. Stop talking to your computer, dad. Ouch. Huh? Cause I mean, I mean, in essence, all I'm doing really is I'm talking, I mean, I'm looking at a computer, I'm talking into a microphone and, uh, you know, I have, I have headphones on so that, you know, there's, there's, uh, you know, there's a few things that are going on, but, uh, I felt like he had, um, gotten me good enough that there was no reason for me to, uh, to try to retort, to try to, to try to come back. Uh, he, he had beaten me down as, as only your children can. Uh, what was I talking about? It is. That's the thing. This was yesterday and now it's today. And I, uh, I don't know. I, I wasn't ready to, you know, I, yesterday I ate oatmeal for breakfast and, and today I ate grits. Grits are just little tiny bits of corn and there was some cheese in it and some pepper and a little bit of garlic salt. If I'm to be completely honest, uh, maybe, maybe some cheese, maybe, maybe more cheese than I intended, but you know, that's how cheese works. And they say, how much cheese would you like on this? And you're like, keep going. And then it's always just a little bit more than you anticipated or wanted. And that's fine. That's a good problem to have. Uh, it's different than like a gasoline in your car, right? With cheese, they say, how much do you get? Like, fill it up, keep going, let's go. And they're like, what does fill it up mean with cheese? And you're like, I don't know, but we're on this journey together. Let's see what happens. So, you know, if you do that at a gas station, you're filling your car up and they're like, what did you, what do you want? And you're like, ah, fill it up. And they're like, okay, no problem. And then they do. And then, you know, the little gas handle thing goes click because that means it's full. It's registered that the car is full of gas. And you're like, you know what? Let's keep going there. You can't because then the gas spills, uh, everywhere. And, and you know, it's a fire hazard cheese. Not so much. The only hazard that cheese is, is a fun hazard, uh, fromage hazard. I don't know what it is. Uh, so anyway, you know, I think I was saying something about the dogs being lazy. I don't know why I think that, but I, uh, this is kind of always, on my mind, how, how, how lazy the dogs, the only time the dogs get up, uh, and this is nice of them is when they have to use the, uh, the restroom, which is what we call our backyard now, because that's, you know, what happens back there. It's in, it's, and they, uh, get up when they, uh, when they're hungry and, uh, they get up to, uh, to bark sometimes to, to shake, you know, a lot of shaking going on, uh, a little, ear scratching. That's going to, that's going to happen probably at two or three in the morning. Um, which is, I think why they sleep all the time. I think the dogs sleep all the time because they don't just sleep through the night and they don't let me sleep through the night. And I think that the message they're trying to tell me is, Hey, you know what? Why don't you just hop onto our schedule here and, uh, curl up into a ball, find one ray of sunshine, curl up in that little ray of sunshine and, uh, pretend that it's really warming you up. It's not, but you can pretend it is. My assumption is that my dogs have very good, uh, imagination and that they can really, you're like, yep, this is, it's woof. The sun is really giving it to me here. It's kind of like when, uh, the door opens and there's a couple of birds in the backyard and they, they run over. What I can only assume is to talk to the birds, uh, let them know, Hey, what's going on? I haven't seen you in a while. Oh, spring is coming, huh? But the birds always fly off because they don't want any part of that conversation, right? I don't know. I, I would love to have that conversation. I would love for spring to be here because you know what happens, uh, when, when spring rolls around, well, uh, I get to sleep better because the time change is nice. There's sun and there's vitamins. And the most important thing of all, uh, is that the birds don't want to be in the And I think you're going to agree with me than this thing here is, is that there's a lot of cheese.

Producer: The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty bumper car and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for watching. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty bumper car. Also pretty, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley. It's recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig, Rufus T Rufus, doodle poodle, robot trunks, and a gag, all of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty bumper car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumper car.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty bumper car. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Natty Bumpercar: Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

February 22, 2024
Bumperpodcast #351 – Owly

Our house has turned into a zoo! There are so many animals around that I have to call upon help to tell you all about them. One guest gets a bit out of control. That guest

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record with some very unconventional guests – including Owly the Owl, Brownie the Rabbit, and special appearance by Emerson. What starts as a discussion about crazy happenings at Natty's house quickly devolves into delightful mayhem as the animals peck at microphones, chase snowballs, and interrupt constantly. Between the interruptions, Natty manages to share stories about the amazing wildlife visiting their backyard, including a baby deer with its mother, a three-foot garden snake dubbed "Snacky Snake," groundhogs, chipmunks, squirrels, and a protective mama robin guarding her nest of blue eggs. It's a hilariously out-of-control episode that proves why people say "never work with kids or animals."

Memorable Quotes

“Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I eat squirrels and bird seed… We should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed.”
— Owly

Topics: #animals #nature #wildlife #backyard #chaos #spring #family

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh well well well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have been gone for a little while because there's been crazy stuff happening here no not a lazy river like the last episode would make you think but extra super duper crazy stuff but i don't feel like i could tell you all about it myself i need somebody to help me tell you about it um oh hi owl how are you good you're good it's so sweet to see you are you enjoying the spring weather yes oh that's so nice what have you been doing all day sleeping you've been sleeping all day wait do you sleep during the day isn't that when people

Unknown: get stuff done yes but i kind of wake up when it's 10 o'clock at 10 o'clock in the morning or

Natty Bumpercar: 10 o'clock at night um

Unknown: um um

Natty Bumpercar: eight o'clock eight eight o'clock all right all right so you are awake during the day see i had always heard and you can tell me if i'm wrong because you would know that owls are nocturnal is that true but i am not nocturnal you're on not you're de-nocturnal yeah you're oh oh un-nocturnal well so do you sleep at night then yes oh that's cool um where do you sleep you sleep with who who's oliver i'm oliver dad oh oh you're oliver yeah and who's the uh who's the owl his name is owie owly the owl he's a very sweet little owl i wasn't expecting him to be here today are you pecking at the microphone owie yes that's not appropriate at all this is very expensive equipment this is going to come out of your money owlie go get your wallet i don't have any you don't you don't have a wallet well then you're in big trouble you know what i am not taking bird seed to pay for this stuff hey what what owls eat anyway i eat bird seeds oh you do eat bird seed okay well it's good that what was it two weeks ago or last week we we put the bird feeders out and we started putting a lot of stop eating the cord that's gonna wreck the whole pot you are not good guest owlie oh my goodness what are you looking at what are you doing over there you stop looking over there that's not your stuff oh my goodness you're worse than the kids are anyway owlie i'm so glad that you're here because it's a good um way for us to talk about some other crazy things that have been happening around our house for instance have we had some guests at the house recently yes like in the backyard yes who did we see in the backyard uh a baby deer

Unknown: with his mom and the groundhog oh he saw a groundhog today i only i only saw a squirrel

Natty Bumpercar: oh you didn't see you didn't what did you see a squirrel oh you saw a squirrel i wanted to get out and eat you wanted to eat the squirrel owlie relax slow your roll buddy i eat squirrels and bird seed squirrels and bird seed all day we should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed and then when people walk in we'll be like welcome to squirrels and birdseed come um so we had a baby deer and it was maybe like two days old it was a brand new baby deer and uh remember it was laying down in the grass and it couldn't even stand up where are you going you stay over here you don't have to fly away for owlie um and but then we were worried but then its mommy showed up and what did his mommy do um take care yeah she took care of that little baby it was the sweetest thing i've ever seen oh owlie would you stop it focus on the microphone we're only here for a few minutes um and then oh what did we see what was it three days after the baby deer it was long it was skinny it was terrifying remember mommy saw it in the back by the wall oh and then emerson's oh hey emerson's here too emmer well actually what did we see in the backyard a garden snake so i looked it up and i didn't know if it was a garter snake or a garden snake

Unknown: garden snake

Natty Bumpercar: listen evidently there's the same there's the same ones there's a gartner g-a-t-n-e-r gart gardener garter i don't know and a garden snake gardener snake i don't know i don't know what kind of snake it was But it was long, and it was brown, and it had little yellow stripes. And I'm originally from Georgia. Don't you turn that off, Allie. I need that on. We have dirty, dirty clothes. Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day. Would you stop pecking? That's Mommy's sweater. Allie, you're not a moth. Good gravy. So we had, Emerson, come talk about the snake, because I feel like you can talk about that.

Unknown: The snake was skinny and long.

Natty Bumpercar: But how big was it, do you think?

Unknown: It was, like, probably three feet.

Natty Bumpercar: You think it was that big? Yeah. What are you? Oh, hi, bunny rabbit. Let's not stand on the computer.

Unknown: My name is Brownie.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, your name is Brownie? Hi, Brownie. How are you? Good. You know what? We've seen bunny rabbits in our backyard, too, haven't we? 50 million. 50 million bunny rabbits?

Unknown: No, 2,000.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. So where did the snake end up going?

Unknown: In our shed.

Natty Bumpercar: In the shed. It was very scary. So what did Daddy do to get rid of the snake? Cut the weeds so it can hide. Yep, I got rid of all of the weeds, all of the…

Unknown: And, hey, there's something where you can, like, just kill them.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, but, see, I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill the snake, because I've read that snakes eat bad pests. Of course, it's this weird thing where, like, it's good to leave, you know, this stuff in the backyard to make a little ecological system.

Unknown: Does he eat chipmunks?

Natty Bumpercar: Does he eat chipmunks?

Unknown: Well, no. No.

Natty Bumpercar: Who? Who are you talking about, Owly or the snake? I feel like you're talking about Owly. Nah. The snack? Snake! You said snack. Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, there is a chipmunk in that. Hey.

Unknown: Owly is going to stay roundy because he's falling.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Brownie the rabbit is falling, and Owly the owl is racing down to catch him right now. Wonderful of you. So we saw a baby deer. We saw a mama deer. We saw bunny rabbits. We saw a groundhog. We saw chipmunks, squirrels, a snake. We have all kinds. We have robins, blue jays. Cardinals. Cardinals, yeah. Woodpeckers. Those little ones. I don't know what the little good.

Unknown: Ooh, something's happening to them. Oh, that's a good one. It just turned off.

Natty Bumpercar: No, it's doing good. Owly's keeping track of the washing machine that's going on right now. We also, in the front of the house, there's a bush, and we have, and I was kind of trimming the bush, trying to make it look nice, and a robin flew out at me, rah, really aggressively. And I looked in the bush, and there was, hold on, let me finish this quick. There was a bird's nest inside. There was a bird's nest inside the bush, and I looked in, and there were three baby blue robin's eggs. So, she was just protecting her nest, which I totally understand, and there were like two or three of them that were flying around. They were angry at me. They were going, squawk, squawk, squawk. Oh, Ollie, can you, what did the baby deer sound like? Because this is so important to me. Can you do it? It's very good. I thought it sounded like this. Ready? Like that? Like that?

Unknown: Like that? Like that? Like that?

Natty Bumpercar: It sounds like a steer. It sounds kind of like a steer, doesn't it? I don't know anything about his stairs, though. Uh-oh, what is the, uh, Ollie is now chasing a, uh, so Ollie was attacking a snowball and paused the podcast. You know what? I think, are we done for today? Because this owl is driving me crazy. This owl is driving me bananas. I don't think I can handle this. Would you stop trying to kiss me? you, Owl. I would not like to be kissed by… Are you eating my arm? Jeez, relax, bro.

Unknown: I'm not a snowball.

Natty Bumpercar: No, we don't have to throw any snowballs. Okay, well, a snowball was still thrown. Hey, this has been the Bumper Podcast, Talking Baby Animals. Emerson, go upstairs. She's here. It's like we live in a zoo. Would you stop it, Owl? You're disgusting. I was pooping you. Okay, end of story. Say goodbye, Owly. Oh my goodness. Okay.

Unknown: …

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May 21, 2019
Bumperpodcast #323 – Mama Bird

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Whoa! It’s a first. Cartoon Natty shows up to talk about Spring. Regular Natty is around as well to talk about a bunch of cool happenings – including birds, and grocery store lectures!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 323, host Natty Bumpercar has a rare on-air conversation with his cartoon counterpart, described as a heart with a crown. The episode takes unexpected turns as Natty shares a remarkable Mother's Day story about a red-tailed hawk in his backyard being harassed by blue jays, which leads to a memorable interaction with local police. Later, Aloysious J. Pig makes a brief appearance to voice his frustrations about Natty's rambling style. The episode concludes with Natty offering earnest life advice to a grocery store cashier about the pragmatic realities of art school and student debt, drawing from his own experiences.

Memorable Quotes

“My kid used to call it the aller jesus. He'd wake up and his little face would be puffy and he'd be snuffling and sniffling and sneezing.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“That day I was like that mama hawk. I was trying to protect her nest, and the birds were coming in.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I don't know why you even bother to come in if you don't schedule the time. He's gonna talk over every single thing you try to do.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #spring #mother'sday #wildlife #artschool #studentdebt #lifeadvice #allergies #hawks

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um uh hello uh hello there this is uh me natty bumper car checking in to say to you hi there oh hello there hey it's my little cartoon friend i suppose with the heart and the crown well i'm not sure that's you that's you that's me yeah so hey everybody it's me natty bumper car the real world comedian that you hang out with that you love your best pal in the whole wide world and it's uh also it's it's me natty bumper car a little as you call me heart with a crown king of the elephants the artful otter the doer of stuff and the maker of things but you don't those uh superlatives those aren't all just for you i think that some of those are mine too i'm not entirely sure yeah like the the doer of stuff and the maker of things i think that might be me there might be both of us okay it gets a little confusing well i don't think anybody really cares so anyway natty i'm here to talk about what are you here to talk about spring oh and how spring is finally sprung and here we are and it's time to have some fun okay well I just want to interject real quick because this is i think the first time that you and i have talked on the podcast so this is a momentous occasion episode 323 mark it in your calendars mark it in your books put it in your dream journal because this is a big moment in bumper podcast history i don't have you even been on the bumper podcast well i'm not entirely sure but if i were on the bumper podcast it's been a mighty long time back to can i talk about what you want to talk about spring spring yes spring yeah of course i just wanted to mention because you know it's sometimes it's hard to stay on topic and focus here on the bumper podcast there's a lot of stuff going on that um for me i just wanted to tell my thing yeah i'm gonna let you talk about it too i swear but i just wanted to can i interject well yes but i would like to finish thank you okay spring for me is allergy season my kid used to call it it was very funny he would call it aller jesus dad i've got the aller jesus and he would wake up and his little face would be puffy and his eyes would be watery and he'd be snuffling and sniffling and and sneezing uh and i i man this year it's like being hit with a pollen hammer a hammer full of pollen my nose is gunked my throat is junked my eyes are sore can i say more it's a wonderful rhyme but i was hoping that i could talk about the beauty of spring and the blossoming of the flowers and baby birds oh and baby birds baby birds baby birds i have an amazing story to tell about baby birds you reminded me okay you know what you go ahead and talk okay it's your show i'll be back another time okay well thanks for stopping by to visit it was so cool to see a little heart guy with a crown some people think you look like a strawberry but i know you're a heart anyway this morning out on our fence there was a hawk and he was standing on the fence and he was um he looked disheveled and we were like is there something wrong with the hawk why is there a hawk on our fence what is he doing and then all these blue jays were standing around him on trees and they were yelling at him they were like hey hawk hey hawk hey hawk and then they would dive they would hit him they would dive down from the trees and they would hit him in the head and the hawk would just kind of look at him but he didn't do anything it was actually she she didn't do anything it was a red-tailed hawk and so i didn't know what to do and i let him sit there for like a half an hour and then i finally i called the police because i didn't know what i didn't call 9-1-1 because it was not an emergency ladies and gentlemen here's your public service announcement for the day if you need your police for something if you have a question do not call 9-1-1 because that is the emergency line and that will tie up their systems instead find the phone number for just the police desk you can google it whatever but have that number handy for situations such as this so i called the police desk and he was like uh okay we'll be right over and so he comes over and it was me this dude and we were just looking at the hawk and we were like he keeps walking closer and closer and i was just like i don't know if it should be that close to the hawk because it's a hawk like a big probably i'm gonna say a foot and a half almost two feet tall hawk giant hawk giant bird a raptor basically a dinosaur with wings and feathers which i think they might have had i don't know but i said to him i was just like you understand that if that bird wanted to get us it would be on us before we got there and i was like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if we could even move and he's like you know that's a good point and he back he's like we should back away and we did and the animal control people called and evidently the mama hawk sometimes she was she put herself over in this fence where she could be a distraction to the blue jays so to take them away from her nest is what the uh the wildlife protection person said she was like giving up her little body so that the on mother's day this is a mother's day hawk story happy mother's day to all of ye all the yens all of y'all uh and and maybe uh so four or five minutes later she just her wings went out and whoosh she exploded past us it was magnificent it was so cool to see this hawk um and it's funny because he was in our backyard and i was making weird jokes because that's what i do when i'm nervous and he goes look you got two deer and i'm like oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited over there and you got this hawk over here and i was like yeah and there's a fox that lives in that bush and then there's a bunny that lives in my backyard and he was just like that was it i was like we're like a zoo and he was just like all right enough of this so hawk story phenomenal really cool here's my other public service announcement for the day i was in line at a grocery store i was at the checkout uh the register and i was like oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited and uh they they said well do you have a card do you have a uh hey i figured i would check no i went to another store can i do my thing now or not related okay can i just bring okay i'm just you

Aloysious J. Pig: know what we're gonna try this another day yeah i don't know why you even bother to come in if you don't schedule the time he's gonna i'm not gonna talk over you see what i'm saying he's gonna talk over every single thing you try to do that's what he does he's like oh it's the bumping bike it's weird the whole thing is confusing it's all messed up just you gotta go with it schedule the time and then you can do your own show with me if you want oh me aloe is just jpeg yeah and let's go

Natty Bumpercar: let's go get a sea spirilla i'm more of a root beer kind of guy but sure i'd love to go get a toasty tasty beverage with you all right i'm checking out that i guess you toast toast cheers like that so anyway thanks guys i was in the grocery store and i was like oh my god i'm so in line and uh the girl said you have a card like a store card and i was like of course i do because i love saving cash and uh so she she asked for the number it was 404 that's my the the first three numbers of my phone number 404 now you can find me and she's like 404 where's that i was like atlanta she's like atlanta i love georgia i was like why why would you love georgia that's so far away you're in new jersey and she was just like oh i want to go to school there and i was like all right what where do you want to go to school and she's like down in savannah now savannah is a cool part of georgia it's down in the south it's uh there's a savannah river it's right near the uh the coast it's a nice old town nice old town and uh i was like oh no where do you want to go to school because i had an inkling she said scad now scad savannah college of art and design you may not know this about me but i went to art school i think i've talked to you about it and i was just like oh art school all right what uh what do you want to go to art school for and she was like i want to go for i don't know i don't even know yet i don't know what i want to do maybe i'm gonna do some sculpture who knows and i was just like oh no no no warning signs like bells going off like flags flares because here's the thing and i was just like listen that's great you want to be an artist that's cool but you want to be an artist i was like i went to art school too i have a bachelor's in art and painting i have a master's in art and painting i was like but here's the thing you have dreams and this girl is just kind of staring at me at this point like intently staring like i had a captive audience i said you have dreams and you bumper podcast people i'm assuming you have dreams too and i said listen dreams are amazing you're young you gotta have dreams that's what gets you through the day that's what picks you up when you're down and that's what you work for your entire life your dreams so dreams are important and you should have dreams however i threw in a very important however i got very adult on her i said however while dreams are important i want you to be as pragmatic about getting to those dreams as you can and she's like what does pragmatic mean i was like ah good pragmatic means think it through be logical make sure that what your dreams are don't wreck the rest of your life now what does that mean i went to art school and i explained this to her and i said listen and she told her well real quick she it was going to be sixty thousand dollars a year to go to this school sixty thousand dollars a year to go to a school where she's not entirely sure what she wants to do and i said listen i'm not going to do where she's not entirely sure if she wants to maybe be is some sculpture which is cool it's awesome if you have two hundred and forty thousand dollars roughly laying around to go to school do it do it me i wasn't in that situation and i had to take on a lot of student debt a lot of student loans and i wish that someone in a grocery store line had said to me maybe you should think about this before you do it here's how it can affect you and so what i said to her is i've got this kid here right she's like yeah i see him and i was just like i'm gonna be paying for my school probably for the rest of my life i'm gonna be paying for my school well beyond the time that he starts school and she was just like blink blink blink blink blink and i was like yes start blinking because i could tell by blinking that she was taking some of this in and it's an important lesson and i said i wish i wish i wish that someone had told me this when i was growing up that maybe you don't have to go get a master's in painting maybe that's not going to help you out if you want to move to new york city which i did maybe just move to new york city right maybe don't uh uh tie your horse hitch your horse up to a bar where they're gonna extort you for all the money in the world so that someone so the professors maybe won't even show up and if they do they're like why are you even here and i'm like you let me in the school brah anyway i wish that someone would have said let's think this through kiddo let's think how this is going to affect the rest of your life because i didn't really have a lot of that growing up and and and if i could be the voice of reason for this one random person even just to make her blink blink blink then that's great i'm that day i was like that mama hawk i was i was trying to protect her nest right and i the the birds were coming in

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May 11, 2018
Bumperpodcast #321 – Establishment

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Natty is thrilled to tell you all about the show where he got to perform for a hundred people for over an hour. But, Producer, Pig, and Rufus T. Rufus have other ideas…. Enjoy the thrills!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar excitedly recounts his recent stand-up comedy performance for about 100 people, where he performed for 45 minutes to an hour. Before the show, Natty experiences an uncanny "Dairy Queen intuition" and grabs a Blizzard for dinner. His comedy set features improvised material about the quirky town, including bird houses in the middle of a lake, confusing ice warning signs in April, and a wizard-like house with a giant gargoyle. Producer the frog keeps interrupting to announce his new ice cream establishment, while lawyer Rufus T. Rufus threatens legal action over unauthorized business name mentions. Despite the chaos and not getting through his entire set list, Natty expresses his joy at performing and his desire to do more shows like this one.

Memorable Quotes

“what kind of diet are you on uh me i'm on an off-putting diet that means i i can't eat no pudding”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“my stomach just out of nowhere it kind of raised its hand and it was like i feel like there's a dairy queen around here and i was like really stomach”

— Natty Bumpercar

“i'm going to ask you natty not to keep repeating the name of this ice cream establishment because they have not paid a fee”

— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #stand-upcomedy #icecream #performance #spring #smalltowns #improvisation #dairyqueen

Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Producer: oh hello it's me producer and i'm here to give you a taste of a podcast today so

Aloysious J. Pig: what are you doing producer oh you can't no you're not talking on the microphone yeah you stop stop talking on the microphone all right you go okay perfect thank you okay

Producer: it's been me producer and i'm going to go back behind the board food today okay okay thank you

Aloysious J. Pig: uh wow sorry about that everybody that was really off-putting off-putting hey what kind of your what kind of diet are you on uh me i'm on an off-putting diet that means i i can't eat no pudding uh again i apologize for that uh that was producer he's a little frog normally he ain't gonna come and talk on the microphone because it freaks people out it scares people his voice again it's off-putting his voice it doesn't eat pudding okay so it's spring around here i saw a bird i saw a bird and it was all like twiddly twit twit twit twit twit twit twit and then it coughed like that because it's been such a long winter and i guess it had a little

Natty Bumpercar: thanks i was i was struggling here yeah you were talking about so yeah it is almost spring around here we have nice spring showers we have nice spring weather and it's the sun comes out and sometimes there's no clouds but right now there are clouds and that's fine though but because you know what you know those clouds don't have in them they don't have snow finally no snow producer

Aloysious J. Pig: was in here earlier he was yeah what was he doing he was talking on a microphone come on producer what are you doing that's what i said i was just like brow you know you're more behind the scenes kind of a kind of a dude right you're not like me aloysius j pig soon to be on all the billboards soon to be on all the bumper stickers soon to be on all the postcards and all the push pins and all the button tops and all the flip flops here we go okay yeah i mean good point

Natty Bumpercar: yeah what you were doing i i enjoyed it if i'm to be honest that was a good song that you just came up with uh so yeah uh pig world famous producer awesome awesome guy uh but yeah yeah we don't yeah you know he can do periscope whenever he wants to uh but not the bumper podcast so hey everyone it's me natty bumper car natty bumper car natty bumper car n-a-t-t-y-b-u-m percar n-a-t-t-y-b-u-m percar natty bumper car that's me and um i'm here to talk to you about an amazing show i just did i'm so excited about i i got to perform stand-up comedy tell jokes for about a hundred people about a hundred people they were expecting 40 they got about a hundred that's more than double that's more than duble duble duble duble plus that's duble duble plus and then uh i i got there with the expectation of doing between 45 minutes and an hour that's 45 minutes to 60 minutes of me talking now you guys get to listen to roughly 12 minutes of me talking every week here on the bumper podcast those people got to listen to me talk for 45 minutes to an hour and i found the woman who uh who was organizing it i drove i drove about 45 minutes to some town that was in the middle of the city and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be i don't even remember what it was called at this point oh it's called height high highs heights i don't know i don't know i don't know it's not important story but i got down there and uh 45 minutes and when i got to town it was the weirdest thing my stomach just out of nowhere it kind of raised its hand and it was like i feel like there's a dairy queen around here and i was like really stomach this is something that really happened where my my i had dairy queen intuition if you don't know what dairy queen is it's uh an ice cream place they have like soft serve and they have blizzards and they have all kinds of yummy stuff dilly bars hello i see you uh and so i i i said to my stomach all right well let me check and i pulled out my little phone and i got the map out and i clicky clack it in there bam there it is a dairy queen four minutes away four minutes my brain my brain and my stomach just knew that this was a town this was an area that was going to have a

Rufus T. Rufus: dairy queen and and it was correct excuse me this is me rufus t rufus always on time and always with a rhyme you know i like to introduce myself not for y'all bumper bygasses but just in case anyone wants to look me up to the whole world procure my services for whatever kind of thing ails you in a lawyer kind of fashion in a manager kind of fashion if you want to know what i'm saying so i'm going to ask you natty not to keep repeating the name of this ice cream establishment because they have not paid a fee they have not paid a fare they have not paid nothing to me another rhyme put it on the board okay put it on that clickety clack and there we go so moving on okay i would ask that you simply refer to businesses and establishments by general terms such as i went to an ice cream parlor and done i went to a dog groomer you understand what i'm saying i had some grits at the restaurant no one needs to know the name of it my friend my friend my friend i want to go back on and do my thing it's time to shine it's time to sing so i'm going to say to y'all

Natty Bumpercar: okay thanks rufus t rufus so evidently moving forward i'm not allowed to say the name of businesses because they haven't given me money that's crazy i'll i mean yes no he's he's pointing at me so yes yes i totally agree with everything you just said so i drove over to the ice cream establishment and uh i actually had some time so i took a nap and i'm going to say to y'all and then i got up and i had a delicious ice cream treat a blizzard i had a blizzard with m&ms in it it was amazing and then i went to the show and uh i got there at like oh i got there at like 7 45 and i thought that the dinner was going to start at 8 but the dinner didn't even start until well no what's happening i went on at like 9 0 5 so i had so much fun i had so much fun i had so much time just and i wandered around the town and it was it was so great because i haven't done an hour in a long time and um that's a long time to talk to people when you're in a room and to keep their uh their their attention and to keep them laughing and having a good time and so i wanted to kind of settle my brain probably because i had ice cream for dinner too and um so i wandered around the town and i found all kinds of funny stuff that i was just like oh i'm gonna talk about this oh i'm gonna talk about that oh i'm gonna talk about this and so for the first 25 minutes or so maybe longer i just made fun of their not made fun of but i i brought attention to silly things in their town like there were these there are these bird feeders bird houses and they were in the middle of a lake right so you look at them and they were like out there and i was like why are there bird houses and they're like on poles in the middle of uh of a lake and i was like who is this like a challenge to the birds you're like hey bird you better get in this house because if you don't there's no ground beneath it and they were like this guy's funny and then there was a sign there was a in front of that same lake that said um caution ice too thin to skate and i was just like there's no ice it's april and i told him i went i got my skates and i tried to dip them into the pond and they went right in and they were just like this guy's he's talking about our town there's signs in our town uh i was i was a lot of was about the lake but i was walking around the lake and um what else was there there was a bat house and i so it was i was talking about the bat house and then i i had there was a big cool house it was like had all this uh stained glass and it looked like a wizard lived there and i looked up and there was a giant bronze or copper gargoyle on top of it like huge and and i was like you guys what's going on with that house and they were like he knows about that crazy house so but uh it was it was it was pretty fun and they had fun and i had fun and now i want to do it again and again

Producer: and again and again and again and again and again and again and again i'm so sorry to reintroduce myself hello everyone it's me producer and i just wanted to i remembered why i had come in here earlier it was because i wanted to tell you that i have actually opened my very own ice cream establishment and i would like for you all to come down now no i won't stop talking stop talking never stop you have to stop talking because don't you say something that i like happening

Aloysious J. Pig: don't you say um so anyway sorry about that producer evidently has an ice cream place i didn't even realize that

Natty Bumpercar: when i was talking about the ice cream place that i went to a year back yeah well of course i came

Rufus T. Rufus: back because i thought that we had a thoroughly established that it was no one uh getting the cold and Mommy i don't care and i don't know you said the right wordra the ice cream place the ice cream place the ice cream place was awesome this is a challenge it's a it Economists breathe it's nothing YO tell you i have got to say so that is not gonna be a pleasant day okay producer i would say that

Natty Bumpercar: you should probably run if you can or hop do whatever you got to do but i would get away from the situation as quickly as you can because he's serious whenever he goes to get his um briefcase it's gonna take him a while to go all the way out to his car and come back but i'm saying you should not be here and if he leaves any envelopes for you just avoid them don't don't don't touch them don't pick them up just avoid them um and anyway back to my story because i feel like that was supposed to be the whole focus of the episode because it's a bumper podcast it's not the producer is opening a frog ice cream podcast it's not rufus t rufus jumping down my throat because i was trying to talk about the things it's about me telling you that i had a lot of fun and i want to do bigger and better shows like that and the thing is i got to the end of it when i looked at i made a list i had eight jokes i didn't even get to and i was like how in that much time did i not get to it because i was playing around i was having fun i was making best friends but not best friends like you because you guys are the bumper podcast and i love you to pieces because you know what

Unknown: you

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April 27, 2018
Bumperpodcast #319 – Sprang

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Hooray for chitter-chatter! Pig talks about getting organized, and then Natty pops in, and then Rufus pops in. It’s a regular treat!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 319 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and Aloysious J. Pig discuss the arrival of spring and their shared frustration with winter lasting far too long. Their conversation is interrupted by legal counsel Rufus T. Rufus, who sounds under the weather and launches into a rambling defense of contracts and his privileged position in society. Natty shares updates on his creative projects, including webcomics called Rants and Snowflake, before delivering an earnest message about watching out for predatory people who take advantage of others. The episode blends absurdist humor with unexpectedly sincere advice about protecting yourself and your loved ones from exploitation.

Memorable Quotes

“Here's my thing, I like winter because of christmas so I get some stuff under the tree… but then I don't want to go out in it and I don't want to drive in it.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“I was born on third base, and the ball is in left field, and I'm just gonna walk on home, if you understand.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

“There's people in the world who want to take advantage of you. Don't let them do that. They're gonna try to take your cotton candy. They're gonna try to pop your balloon.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #spring #winter #seasons #contracts #socialcommentary #webcomics #exploitation #friendship

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: now you see so what i was telling them was that you gotta take a little bit from column a and a little bit from column b and then at the bottom of the chart what's gonna happen is you're gonna those are gonna conflagrate you know i don't do a lot of math terms hey pig oh hey bumsy what's going on not much what are you talking about a little bit from column i love it when people say that you take a little bit from column a and a little bit from column b because it just makes it things sound very uh organized and very there's a logic structure that's behind it and things are making sense and you've got columns you might even have rows i don't know but i am not that organized and and and that's not how i live my life but i'm glad that there are people who who are like that so good for them well here's the thing too is like for me uh i'm not organized neither but uh i i'm not we're not doing spring cleaning but we're doing is we're springing forward if you understand so we spring the spring is sprang sprung sprung sprung yeah fine that's fine yeah okay so the spring is sprung oh so you're saying that we're not necessarily doing cleaning around here we're not cleaning house but that uh we were we were coiled up for the winter we were uh burrowed in we were uh hiding under the blankets and now maybe the sun is going to come out and the snow is going to melt away and there's going to be blue skies and then we can finally get on with our lives after this long winter is that is that what you're essentially that's what i'm saying but the winter's been so long it seems like it's been like 18 months of long winter i didn't move to mars all right mars is a terrible place to raise a pig and so i don't want to go there what i like i like seasons not seasoning i like just uh hey guess what it is it's full oh you know what's coming up next a little thing we call winter and then hey after winter uh how about we do some spring and then some summer yeah here's the thing that's four months or four seasons yeah you got it and then it is 12 months calendars no months 12 months and hold on all right now here i think i i i i like what you're screaming over there pig so let me i'm going to take over for just a second here what you're saying is there's four seasons per year uh fall winter spring summer all right cool and then there's 12 months 12 divided by four is going to it should be three i want three months of spring i want three months of fall i want three months of summer and most importantly i want no more than three months of winter yes if i can have it winter is my least favorite why because i get chilly i get chilly cold i have normally i'm walking around during the winter with five to six jackets on that's too many jackets i can't even fit through most doors too many jackets too much it's too much it's too much i can't and the kids are always like hey are we going to the pool now oh the pool's outside we can't go to the pool why not they're like i'd go swimming it's like you would you would you would freeze it would be terrible it'd be the worst thing ever here's my thing uh i i like winter because uh of uh christmas so i get some stuff under the tree we have the tree and it smells nice and i do like if i'm sitting by the window i like it when it snows because it looks really pretty like there's street lights out street lights on the street and um you can see the snowflakes flittering and fluttering through the street lights because the street lights have kind of a lot of light and it's kind of a little bit of an orange orange glow orange yeah orange yeah and it just looks really pretty but then i don't want to go out in it and i don't want to drive in it and i know you don't want to shovel it because you get sick of that it's just too much it's terrible but then you know they're like what's the groundhog he's just like hey bro you got six more weeks of winter and you're like oh okay i guess i can handle that i guess i can deal with it and then you're into week eight you're into nine and it's still winter and you're like bro bro we had a contract like we had an agreement

Rufus T. Rufus: hold on a second here this is rufus t rufus and did i hear someone talk about a contract well my friend my friend my friend i am the one around the bumper podcast headquarters who talks about contracts excuse me i got a little bit of a cold that's why i don't sound quite normal today you understand because winter has not ceased to exist and so i am still feeling a little bit cold and not feeling too well however i can and i will defend your honor in court of law and i will take that contract that that varmint has put together and i will take that contract and i will take that contract and i will take that contract and i will Take it to the magistrate, and we will make it so, so, not good, but great, if you understand what I'm saying, if you understand what I mean.

Natty Bumpercar: How you doing, Rufus? You sound, you sound really kind of sick, like you got a frog in your throat. Rufus, have you been eating frogs again? Because we told you that's not, that's frowned upon. You know, considering that I am an anthropomorphic pig, and we got dogs that talk and everything, we're asking you not to eat too many animals, because you never know. Hold on a second, I just remembered, producer from my Periscope show is a frog, please tell me that producer is not in your throat. Oh no, oh no, this is, speaking of breaking contracts, specifically in his contract, it said, do not eat me, so that's, that's against the law. You're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law!

Rufus T. Rufus: I would never break the law! You understand, I do not break the laws, I make the laws, and every so often I swoop in and I take the laws, because that, you see, you see, you see, you see, my friend, is how it works in our society. Well, we have a bit of a pyramid, and there's people that are working, there's people that are working, and then there's other people like myself that are born into a situation. That are born into a stature, you understand, where I don't have to work if I don't want to. I was born on third base, and the ball is in left field, and I'm just gonna walk on home, if you understand, and I'm going to, I know I did not hit the ball, I was hit by a pitch, which got me on the first base, and then there was a passed ball, which ended me up on second base, and then, lo and behold, one of the infielders, he, he, he, he booted the ball, which moved me on to third base. So I got here by not doing anything in particular other than being a part of the game. I was born, I was put into the game, and now I'm on third base, and I'm walking home, because that is how our society works. I was put here for a reason, and that reason is, I was put here for a reason, and that reason is, to score points, so my friend, my friend, my friend, I'm sorry if it sounds like I have a frog in my throat, but I will not be besmirched by the likes of you or your little pink friend.

Natty Bumpercar: Hey, uh, lip bro, no one's besmirching you, you gotta understand, you come into the kitchen, it's kind of a little bit… it's kind of a little bit warm. We're just recording a podcast, and you slipped in when you heard the whole thing about contracts, which is totally understandable, it makes a whole bunch of sense. However, we just gotta, you know, maybe point out to you, though, relax a little bit, we're having fun. This is a bumper podcast, so it's his show, and he's just gonna bibble, and he's gonna babble, and he's not necessarily gonna talk about anything in particular. But you're gonna listen to it, because you love it, because every week it comes out, and it's so much fun! Right, bro? Yeah, bro, of course, bro, bro, bro. Uh, yeah, so this is the Bumper Podcast, and I am Natty Bumpercar, and that is my friend, I'm turning your mics off just so you know, Aloysius J. Pig, he gave you a wave, and thank you for coming in, as always, Rufus T. Rufus, he is the legal counsel for all of us here at, uh, headquarters for the Bumper Podcast, and everything else that we do, including… We've been making some cool webcomics, uh, drawing some, uh, my little ants, I don't know if you've ever seen them, but they're cute, and they're, but they, sometimes they yell, and so, I think I have to maybe do a little bit more research, but we're calling that webcomic, Rants, now, because, ants, I saw that somebody had taken the name, Ants, for their comic, and I was like, ahhh, but I've been doing this for years, but I just never, I never grabbed it, I guess, and so, uh, I think Rants is kinda cute, because it makes sense. And then, on the sideline, we're, I'm trying to figure out how to, uh, I don't know if you guys ever read Snowflake, it was my comic, and it's so great, it's my, it's one of my favorite things I've ever done. But, I'm trying to figure out how I can make Snowflake, uh, uh, start it up again, but then I think I might also take all of the, uh, the strips, and cut them up so we, they can be on Instagram, and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. right? and I, cause I see, there's these webcomics that are on Instagram, and they're super cool, because, like, you can swipe on them to get the different, uh, the different panels, and I was like, I want, I want my little dudes to do that! I wish I had an intern. Does anyone wanna be an intern? Cause then you can sit around and you can cut up, I think there's roughly, like, 200 or so of these comics that need to be cut up. Uh, I'll pay you handsomely in experience! That's what, that's a funny thing they do in stand-up, uh, comedy, is, uh, people, so there's, I, I've talked about it before, but there's a lot of bad people, and they're like, hey, you wanna come do my show? And you're like, ah, I don't know, what, you know, and you're like, we gotta bring five people, and they gotta, you know, there's a ticket admission at the door, then they gotta buy drinks, and you're like, ah, my friends are gonna be out, like, $70? You know, do I get paid? And they're like, paid? Paid? Yeah, you get paid in exchange. You get paid in experience, and you're like, that's not paid! That's not, no, that's, you're taking advantage. Ladies and gentlemen who listen to the Bumper Podcast, what I want you to take away from this show, if you, if you will, is watch out, because there's people in the world who want to take advantage of you. Don't let them do that. They're predatory, mean people, who will see people coming down the, uh, boardwalk, walking around with their balloon and their, uh, their cotton candy, and they, they're like, that one, I'm gonna take that one for everything they've got. Don't let them. Don't let them. Stand up for yourself, alright? Don't, I'm not saying get in fights or get in a huff, but just be cognizant that sometimes people don't have your best interests at heart. Uh, and you want to go into the world, you don't want to be jaded, you don't want to be like, oh, the world's out to get me, but you've just got to go into the world. You've got to understand that, take care of yourself, and take care of the people around you, and your friends, and your loved ones, because, otherwise, who's gonna do it? Not, not random people. Random people are gonna try to take your cotton candy. They're gonna try to pop your balloon. And that's not acceptable. They're gonna try to take your bumper podcast away, and we just won't let them!

Unknown: We won't let them.

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April 12, 2018