Tag: shopping

  • Bumperpodcast #464 – Season 3 – Halloween

    Bumperpodcast #464 – Season 3 – Halloween

    The Bumperpodcast episode revolves around the hosts’ reflections on missing Halloween due to busy schedules and the subsequent confusion about the current date. Natty Bumpercar expresses his love for Halloween, while Aloysius J Pig and Rufus T. Rufus discuss the logistics of returning Halloween decorations and candy. They reminisce about a group costume theme and the challenges of dealing with return policies. The discussion also touches on the transient nature of seasonal stores and the idea for a podcast exploring the history and disappearance of such stores.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 464, Natty Bumpercar discovers he's completely missed Halloween after getting too caught up in organizing a comedy festival. Rufus T. Rufus reveals that while Natty was busy, the gang went to a Halloween party as a "country breakfast" costume group—with Rufus as a biscuit, Aloysious as orange juice, and someone as eggs and bacon. They even won the costume contest! Now Natty is left with a room full of Halloween decorations, bobbing-for-apples equipment, and no way to return them since the pop-up Halloween store has mysteriously vanished. The episode features hilarious discussions about the ephemeral nature of seasonal Halloween stores, the stress of return desk interactions, and GPS robots with attitudes. Producer suggests they move on to planning the next holiday: Thanksgiving.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was gonna be gravy that's a weird and terrible but amazing thing to be for halloween. I've never been gravy. I've never been a condiment.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “We did a group costume. I was eggs and bacon and Aloysious was orange juice… you were supposed to be gravy but you never showed up to the party.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “I went back to the Halloween store and it was gone. Like tumbleweeds in the store. Gone. They just appear out of night.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #halloween #holidays #costumes #timemanagement #shopping #seasonalstores #comedyfestival #thanksgiving

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well happy halloween it is halloween finally man my favorite holiday of the year bar none i i love everything about it i love the candy i love going out and finding pumpkins and and carving up the pumpkins and turning them into jack-o'-lanterns and and what what how what really how did oh come on hold on sorry hold on natty it's uh actually almost middle of november at this point i i know i yeah i know i know i understand i like halloween a lot too but it was weeks ago it was like a long time ago i don't know if you fell asleep i don't know what happened i know you've been really busy because you're always telling everybody just how busy you are but uh yeah i hope i got the receipts for all these costumes and i'm looking around the room here we got uh uh decorations we got is that a bobbin for apples we got we got to return all this stuff we can't sell if we ain't having a uh what is a halloween episode right now then what am i what why did i go to the store and and purchase all this yeah how is it how is it middle of november we should probably could have somewhere in here have any kind of indication as to what day it is i yeah no i see the calendar on the wall over there that's from 1987 so that that's not helping me right now okay that doesn't do anything good at all man two weeks ago i completely missed everything i missed halloween

    Rufus T. Rufus: yes yes it was a long time ago i um we actually we did a group costume right and um i was um it was i was eggs and bacon and aloesius was um orange juice it was and then uh the rufus what were you a scone or an oh no yes you were a biscuit that's right that's right and so we were like a we called ourselves a country breakfast you were supposed to be gravy but you you never showed up to the party and so we we missed it and it's yeah but we we it was a lot of fun yeah i think that's right well we can't do a halloween episode now okay we gotta move on to the future there's a lot of other holidays that are coming up that we need to acknowledge and represent and you know do everything for so uh yeah we let's just we have a lot of episodes left so let's just put the halloween on the shelf and sorry i hurt my back there for a second uh and then we can uh move on to maybe the types of giving or something we can invite turkey to come

    Natty Bumpercar: and he loves to talk on the podcasts and you hit some story and everything right seven an entire holiday i don't even care that i missed two weeks of life but i did i missed i missed i missed halloween what have i been so busy doing what why have i completely managed to miss and ignore and miss not really ignore but i missed halloween how did that even happen somebody got it in the head that somebody had to have a comedy festival they were like oh look at me out of nowhere i'm just gonna invent it inventicate invent invent them uh invent just invent i think a comedy festival and and and you did that and now it's it's you know coming up really soon and it might have already happened i don't even know because i have completely removed myself from that situation and uh yeah maybe you started to miss a lot of things in life because you're doing such a giant ridiculous thing it's like you know uh hey wait you guys went and played uh putt-putt mini golf without me what where was i you were building a rocket ship you know it's like you got bigger things on your plate right now and we didn't want to bother you so you missed country breakfast halloween kind of amazing won the costume contest that's right everybody high five in the air high five there you go never won it i've never even been like in the rankings of a costume contest and i i was i was gonna be gravy that's a weird and terrible but amazing thing to be for halloween i've never been gravy i've never been a condiment i've just been you know it's whatever i can find but rufus i got i got so wait we have all this stuff around all these like decorations and all this can't like can you i guess if it's if we've missed it and if we're not going to do halloween for this episode if we're going to just move on to something completely different what um can we return the stuff it's like do you have all the stuff is that something that can you yeah i do i do have receipts um however we got

    Rufus T. Rufus: everything you know when there's a uh a building it was maybe a business and maybe it was just like um you know uh just like a lean through with some sticks and then people aren't there anymore and then the second you blink and it's um september and then all of a sudden it's a halloween store you know it's like there was a hospital over there oh my goodness the hospital close the halloween store like that you know hey remember when we used to go to the park and there was that fun little ice cream place down the corner that's a halloween store we went to one of those right but the thing is once you go to the halloween store you buy the things if you ever try to go

    Natty Bumpercar: i was wondering about that because i put it up in my maps on my telephone here and i said uh halloween store and it was trying to send me to sacramento that's far away and i said uh halloween store uh close to me and it didn't understand what that so i said uh halloween store near my location and then the phone had had the gall the guff to say to me uh would you like me to use your current location i said well of course i do i said i what i said was i was looking near my local of course i want you to use my current location i'm not gonna just inventify some place that i'm gonna be in the next hour and 37 minutes like i want to know right now if i wanted to know then then i would i would be asking you then little little map little little map robot i don't even know what his name is but he needs he's got a little bit of an attitude he's got a little bit of an attitude he's got a little bit of an attitude i don't know if you have been driving around with this this little robot and he's always like turn left and i'm like i'm in the right lane i can't turn left right now little robot and he's like you missed just you missed your chance mister your your your new nickname is mr chance because you missed your chance and now you're gonna recalculate why are we still using 2020 whatever this is using the term recalculate you ain't recalculating nothing you just going back into the map and and fixing my flub why don't you call it uh flub refixing or something like that all right because now i'm getting heated i'm getting angry anyway i tried to go back to that halloween store the one where i bought all this stuff because i i forgot i forgot to get the little wax uh vampire teeth that we were gonna have we're gonna have a little game and then i went back it was gone like tumbleweeds in the store gone i think that maybe not this podcast clearly because we can't we can't do this but some podcast needs to do some research do a deep dive maybe one season is where do all these stores go and then where do they come from you know they just appear out of night it's like oh empty shopping center it's a halloween store yeah and then uh whenever i don't know the strike of midnight on november you know i don't know the day because i don't know if they're open like a day after i don't know but where do all these things go where do the employees go are they sucked back down into like some hole in the ground or do they go to like a warehouse in caucasus something like that that is new jersey uh that sounds like a terrible podcast it sounds like it would be maybe one maybe one episode it would couldn't just consist i guess you could pad it out a little bit you know do the when i was growing up we always read a lot of stories and heard a lot of stories and heard a lot of tales about stuff you know and then like you know when i was you could do the everybody meet everybody in town and how they could talk about when i was here this was a lot of stories and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry skippers store we used to go to skippers all the time whatever it is and then uh you know and then like and then and you know like the first episode is just like the build-up to what the town used to be and you know what now i'm seeing it you can make an entire season out of this that's fine you know and then the halloween store came but no one knew you know it's okay i'm gonna give it that but anyway so uh rufus did you went back to get the wax teeth but they weren't there i think it's my understanding that we do have receipts for a lot of this stuff i don't does anybody who's if we're not going to do a halloween episode who's going to be in charge of of returning all i think as long as you understand it's not going to be me because i'm not comfortable uh going to the return desk because i just feel like i'm being judged you know they've got like several different lines but the lines aren't aren't labeled as anything and so you you get in the wrong line and sometimes maybe there's other people in the lines and you go hey you try to clean up buddy up buddy system hey what are you in here for you know what what are you in for and they're like i have an online order to pick up and you're like oh oh oh i'm trying to return something do you know do you know if it matters if i'm standing and they're like i don't i can't say anything i don't want to get in trouble all right i don't want to lose my spot in line because i'm trying to explain to you something that i don't even know the answer to okay so there's that kind of stress then you get to the front of the line and it doesn't even matter if there's nobody else there they'll say what do you want and you say i have a return and they say you're in the wrong line and you look around there's no other lines there's there's places for lines and they just stare at you until you move out this line you go to that line you walk through the thing and then bing bang boom you're up at the front but look at that somehow there's a it's just 16 people in the line where you just were and now you're back in the back of the line and you're in the front of the back of the back and if you ever even make it to the front you know if you're ever lucky enough to make it to the front then they uh why you know they real they really why are you here huh you know and you're like i gotta return all this stuff okay got a receipt i actually don't have a receipt well do you have an account with us i don't know let's try this phone number that didn't work perfect um what do i have the credit card that i used i don't know what credit card i used i don't know let's try this one that didn't work perfect yeah i've got other credit card you know it's just this ordeal to the point where i just keep the stuff okay then i put it all in the yard sale next year and then it's someone else's problem or gift or whatever you will have i do like to keep receipts because those are legally binding uh documents and uh legally binding uh documents that we got legally binding right and so i keep a record of them i keep boxes of them and then i store the box i put the dates on the box and so i got all these receipts i got all these records but you know i i twisted my toe the other day so i can't i'm not as mobile as i once was so i will uh i will have to i can find the the the the paper trail but i'm gonna have to defer to someone else and i assume aloysius if you ain't going to go in then uh i guess it's all right maybe it's up to you natty maybe oh maybe you producer seems like something you might enjoy going to talking to

    Rufus T. Rufus: people and whatnot i'm actually very busy you know uh we're getting ready for the next holiday show's a big holiday coming up uh thanksgiving and everything so yeah i'm gonna give this one over to pass the buck to you natty you can take care of it you're the one who slept through

    Natty Bumpercar: halloween anyway right wait no i will not accept the nickname is gravy that is a terrible nickname and that is not fair and i won't take it but i will take the stuff back because we do yeah we do gravy

    Producer: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for the money listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

  • Bumperpodcast #279 – Late night stores

    Bumperpodcast #279 – Late night stores

    Bumpercar is excited about Christmas, and stores being open late. He also hatches a plan to deal with adulting!

    Did you like adulting? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In episode 279 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar shares his late-night mall adventures just before Christmas. He observes the curious crowd eating fried chicken and pretzels at 10 PM, tries on clothes that don't quite fit his budget or style, and contemplates visiting stores open until 2 AM. Natty reflects on the importance of helping strangers during the stressful holiday season, recounting two good deeds involving baby carriages and shopping carts. The episode takes a thoughtful turn as he discusses how modern life makes it difficult for people to share their struggles and support each other, ultimately realizing that what he's describing is simply friendship.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I feel like people who shop in the middle of the night are a little bit gray, and their eyes were kind of sunken like they're not getting enough vitamin D.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “This time of year it's about being nice to people, helping people, because right now is when people are the most stressed ever.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I was like man wouldn't it be nice if there was a no judgment clearing house where you can just talk it out, and they were like you mean like friends?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #shopping #mall #kindness #friendship #holidaystress #modernlife #helpingothers

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: there is so much excitement here at headquarters right now because christmas is so close i don't know how you feel about christmas but i love christmas and christmas is fun and i went to a mall last night at like 10 o'clock at night and just walked around i didn't buy anything i didn't have really much of an intention to buying anything i just wanted to walk around in a mall at 10 o'clock and look at people look at all these people what are you guys doing here it's it's late it's late night we're walking around a mall there are people eating pretzels at 10 o'clock at night they were pretending like it was just normal time to be there is people eating fried chicken at the mall at 10 o'clock at night and i was like what are you doing to yourself right now dude why would you even why would you even do that to yourself that's a terrible idea fried chicken at 10 o'clock is no man's land that's doing bad things to you your body doesn't it might say it appreciates it but it doesn't appreciate it and you're gonna have crazy fried chicken dreams which in hindsight now that i've said it out loud sounds like it might actually be a fun thing so maybe i'm in the wrong i don't like to say it but i i think i might be wrong here uh tonight midnight i'm having some fried chicken so strap in let's see where we go no i can't i did have i will admit i had a uh what was it mango black tea lemonade oh hi how are you i'm a fancy bumper car i'm gonna have some of this mango black tea uh lemonade oh thank you i know no sugar it's already sweet enough for me thank you i'm finally a guy thank you very much uh but even that was a little too much for me i kind of i think it kept me awake a bit uh says and i walked around and i walked into a few stores and i even i tried a couple of things on uh and uh i don't know i just don't feel like they make clothes for me anymore what does that mean you wear pants you wear shirts i do but i don't know i don't know i mean i like the stuff i have yeah but the stuff you have is falling off of you it's literally rotting off of you that's true i a lot of my clothes are frayed and have holes in them uh but it's it's it's not because i don't love them it's because i do love them some would say i love my clothes too much um so much so that they're irreplaceable i go to the mall and i'm essentially looking for the same thing that i'm wearing to be on the rack and to be roughly seven dollars and it's not there it doesn't exist oh look at this this store this entire store is 60 off that's great wait the pants are still 45 how much were they before i can't do the math but that just seems like they were too expensive i feel like i'm ranting how many stores did i go i went to one two i went like six stores right and i now that i i know this but i forget it sometimes but i think all these stores are owned by the same company and so they're all derivations on the same clothes but just maybe made a little bit cheaper like oh this one's made of thread that will actually dissolve as you wear it oh that's fun no it's not because then your pants fall off i don't want that well that's what you bought if you're buying these clothes that is the experience that you have bought we call that experience naked in a mall well that sounds terrible and i will not have it i will not have it off and i hated being paid for them i was trying to buy that day when i was 5 the within 25 days uh as we were walking i had one of those wallets and was really shocked excited like peppered in the lover and they had this other People the thing I had just media ᵃ ᵃ ᵗᵗᵒᵒᵚᵗ Spígena here but I took it off and it's precisely not camera the thing on the noodles I'm not with me You should have told me if you weren't listening over and over again and what do anybody wants I'll give you a hand but I definitely made it all smushed and crumbly, and I was just like, your presentation is not where it needs to be, my friend. I'm, I'm eating with my eyes right now, and my eyes are saying I am not hungry for that, that garbage. Sorry, you know, but you need to take that back to the drawing board and try again if you want this man to try your macaroons. I did not try a macaroon. I, um, I did, I had other plans. I had big plans last night. I was gonna go to, uh, I was gonna go to the mall, and then I was gonna go to, uh, another, whatever, Target, and then I was gonna go to Toys R Us, because I looked it on the website on all these places. Uh, the mall was open till 12. Uh, Target was open till, I think, 12 also. Toys R Us was open until 2 a.m. Now, that's the only reason that I wanted to go there. Uh, when I was in college, that was right around the time that Walmart decided that they would be 24 hours, and I don't know if they all are still, or I don't know. Uh, but it was just this fascination with going to this place in the middle of the night and seeing who was there, and you would see, it's, it was like, um, and this isn't knocking anyone, because people have different schedules. They, you know, whatever. Okay, fine, it's a little bit knocking, but it was like the mole creatures had come out of the ground, out of their, out of their caves, out of their, their hovels, and, and their eyes were kind of, uh, you know, gray. They looked very good. gray i feel like people who shop in the middle of the night are a little bit gray uh and then their eyes were kind of sunken like they're not getting enough vitamin d not not getting enough light and i worry about these people but i also want to go walk around the store and and see who they are that's it don't want to talk to them don't want to meet them that's too much that's too much human contact i can't deal with that i want to be in my bubble here you be in your bubble over there that's not that's not real i like to meet people i like um when i go to stores i like to uh hey you know like that but not not too much because if you do hate too much of that guy then you're terrible but just a little bit of uh like a little comment like i like what was it the other day i was in the city and there was this woman and she had a baby carriage and it got stuck in the snow with the baby in it on the street and i was like hey you want help with that you know a lot people are just gonna walk by and be like good luck baby good luck you baby see you see you never if you don't make it across that street this is you're done uh but i walked out i was just like can i help you with that and she was like yes thank you so i grabbed the front of the carriage lifted it up got it out of the slush and i said do you need help the rest of the way and she's like no thank you so much i think i've got it from here and i was like all right i did something good later that night i was at a cvs had to run in and grab something there was a an older woman coming out pushing a cart that had probably 15 things of seltzer like a 12 pack a lot of seltzer she was very thirsty and um there was no handicap uh ramp to get off of the of the sidewalk and so she's standing there and she's like trying she's thinking about i can see she's kind of pushing it thinking pulling back thinking going forward and so i was just like hey did you want to did you want to get the cart off the the sidewalk and she's like well i'd like that very much and i was like well here let me help you out so twice in a day i grabbed the cart put it on this on the street and she went off to her car uh twice in a day i was able to help people and really this time of year you know what it's all about it's about being nice to people it's about helping people because right now is when people are the most stressed ever people are freaked out not because you mean there's the world is freaking them out the politics can freak them out uh family dynamics can freak them out uh they got to travel they're they're dealing with work and there's time off and you're at the office and everyone piles everything on you at the end of the year because they're all taking their vacation days oh but i was supposed to take vacation days too too bad you're a little man on the totem pole ah this world is crazy that's what people are going through so what do you do you fight find a way to be nice to them you find a way to uh if you see somebody struggling you lend a helping hand right right that's what you do that's the best move and not just this time of year but all times of the year you see a guy holding a kid and he's got a drink and there's another drink on the counter at mcdonald's and maybe his tray he'd be like buddy you need help getting this to your seat he's gonna you know what he's gonna be he's gonna look at you like you're trying to take his food but then he's gonna be like i can help i can get you and he's gonna be like man thanks i appreciate that or he's gonna say don't touch my food and you're gonna be like cool bro you got it run a good luck i'm gonna guess i'm gonna watch this i'm gonna watch you do this like you're in cirque de soleil um because sometimes people don't like to be helped i was actually talking to somebody about that the other day uh when you get older you get into this weird situation uh where you're people don't talk to each other people don't uh and it's not just a lack of communication but people don't share experiences and it's because people are nervous and scared that uh they're gonna look worse for the situations that they're in or the different variables in their life right but the thing is we've all got variables in our life we've all got uh thing burdens or whatever uh things that we're dealing with and so i was i was talking to a friend and i was talking to this person i was like man wouldn't it be nice if there was like a a clearing house like a no judgment clearing house where you go and you have a group of people uh and you can just talk it out without people being like oh well that guy really is blowing it huh uh and they were like you mean like friends and i was like oh that sounds like friends yes it would be so nice to have friends um but the thing is it's it's you get older and you know you're you're so caught up in everything and running from here to there and trying to do the best just to survive you're running to work oh you got to get the kids ready to school you got oh we got to get their lunches oh he's got to have his school book back in today oh don't forget that one's got funny hat day today does he have uh school lunch today i'm not sure what did they eat for breakfast well this one had some yogurt he refused to eat is that one even wearing shoes oh i forgot shoes how did i manage to forget shoes oh they didn't brush your teeth oh they didn't comb their hair oh this one forgot to do his homework like there's so much going on that it's you can't point the blame at anyone and be like well you guys could figure this out easier if you just crowdsourced and put your heads together and shared your experiences because that that's just too simple right it's just too simple i guess i don't know

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  • Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Pig sings a Christmas song, Bumpercar complains, and then a magical story is shared!

    Did you like magic? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    And now, we’re featured on the http://www.laughable.com/ app. Go get it (laughable.com/download)!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 278 of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to turn over a new leaf by singing a gentle song to the Christmas tree instead of knocking it over. Natty Bumpercar interrupts with an epic tale of Christmas tree shopping woes, involving tiny overpriced trees, pushy salespeople, and hidden fees for basic services. The episode takes a turn when Natty shares a stomach-turning dinner story about his son Oliver nearly choking on broccoli, only to continue eating mid-throw-up while his brother Emerson flees the scene. This hilarious holiday episode combines festive chaos with parenting adventures.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and I was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what I normally do”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “If I'm at a restaurant and I'm sitting there and what would you like some water I just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He wasn't even done throwing up. I don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #parenting #shopping #holiday #family #food #christmastrees #kids

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your lights are really glowing hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your ornaments are showing the presents and the stockings too i really want to repent to you oh christmas tree oh hey hey bumper car how are you

    Natty Bumpercar: doing i'm doing doing anyway huh wow i'm doing great i i liked i heard your song i was over in the corner listening and uh it's pretty creepy huh no not creepy at all come on all right if

    Aloysious J. Pig: you say so i suppose anyway yeah i made up a nice song it's my little holiday songs christmas song whatever song i'm singing to the uh i was singing it to the christmas tree so it's nice you know i was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and i was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what i normally do you know huh yeah uh so that's super awesome

    Natty Bumpercar: and i appreciate that you're trying to take a new tact with the christmas tree this year because it it's brutal having a tree here um this year was especially crazy because we uh we went to one store no and the christmas trees they were all like four feet tall they were tiny and they were trying to tell me that they were between six and seven feet and i was i'm six feet and so i was looking at the tree and i was just like am i a giant did i grow and my my wife is like oh this one it's fine and i was like it's tiny we can't have tiny tree what are you doing and the prices were more and more and more and more and more expensive too so we had to pack the kids back up which when you tell your kids that they're going to get a christmas tree and then you don't get said christmas tree because the store has tiny christmas trees and they're more expensive the kids don't understand any of that stuff and so what do the kids do they freak out what do you mean we're not getting christmas tree we were supposed to get a christmas tree we want a christmas tree like that it's it's bananas it's bedlam so the car we go back to the other place there's three places that we can potentially go there's probably a hundred but really there's three because i can't keep going after that i don't have it in me so we went to place number two last year place number two man you know we get nice pictures of the kids walking around the christmas trees it's nighttime there's little lights it's this beautiful it was kind of during the day there weren't a lot of trees because the kid was like there was just a really big rush sorry there's not a lot left a big rush all right well show me what you got show me show me what you got there's what is there's like a few kinds of christmas trees there's douglas fir there's ball balsam or something i don't know and there's see i don't know the names of the christmas trees oh man hold on what are the kinds of clouds cumulonimbus serious i don't know all the names of the clouds what's happened to my brain what are the names of the different kinds of rocks ah stalactite no i don't know anything oh no i can't remember things rain where did you go so all right anyway we get a specific kind of tree i don't know what kind it's called but i know it when i see it right and uh so we go we go to one tree and the kid's right on us too he's quote unquote helping us but he's right on us it was just like right when you walk into a store and you see a shirt you like or something and you walk over and you're just like oh look at that shirt do you want it do you want that shirt and he's like taking it out and like draping it over you you're like i no i don't know i just met this shirt all right i have no idea okay okay well and then he does this thing where he picks it up and he knocks it on the ground so that it's supposed to make it look better boom and then all the fronds and then he's like oh my god i don't know bro i don't just relax i just walk i just walk in i'm trying to make this an experience all right i'm trying to get in here walk around a bit with my sweet family look at some trees you know debate which kind we like better whatever learn the different types of this is why i don't know the types of trees because you go in and they kick you right out now i know all right the rocks and the clouds i can't explain that as much anyway last year we got a tree right it's like 40 bucks we'll say i don't really know it's kind of pricey and uh at the end they managed they managed to upsell me because i was in such a tizzy because the kids are so crazy do you want your christmas tree package and i was like yeah okay i don't know what is that and they told me they don't even know what it was like a bag and some stuff you put in the water and something i don't remember what else it was 15 what your tree has now gone up exponentially the price of it frustration but you're at that car already your family's there you've and you've already said yes to this thing and you're just like oh well now i'm stuck so this year i was i went in knowing when 10 that was weird how i said that i went in knowing that uh i was not going to be taken in such a way i was not going to be taken by the christmas tree guys so i waited for the christmas tree package thing to happen and i was like no no i'm good and then the guy goes to ring me up and uh it was i think 10 bucks more than price quoted and i was like what what happened and he's like oh yeah well you got the end lopped off and you got it uh you got it wrapped up and i was like what in my head i didn't know because i'm at a christmas tree place you can't really yell at a christmas tree place but i was like what those are things that you just do those are part of the service like if i'm at a restaurant and and i and i'm sitting there and what would you like some water i just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water or or even better oh you you what's this extra charge you're seven dollars well you used the napkin that was on the table but the napkin was there the napkin is something that you use you lop off and you put it in the the stuff the net if you're they didn't even they would have charged me to put it on my car or something or i mean i would have figured it out but like you gotta tell a guy christmas is expensive there's expenses everywhere you can't just go adding stuff in terrible so and then i had to tip the kid because he's like you guys like yeah i'm from shader cove and he was like oh yeah i'm too and then i was i was gonna tip him anyway but i felt obligated because then he knows my town he knows me he knows where i live uh yeah

    Aloysious J. Pig: bubba car crazy uh i just think it's pretty amazing that i was sitting here by myself singing a nice song about the christmas tree and uh hello christmas tree and then all of a sudden you burst in with all your vim and vigor and start yelling about christmas tree buying and uh ruining my holiday my day here i was gonna i had a beautiful story about snowflakes i was gonna talk about penguins probably i was gonna talk about uh hot chocolate like regular chocolate chocolate versus white hot chocolate i don't know if you've even experienced that but they'll put marshmallows in it sometimes and your mind is just like blown what did i just drink is this sugar milk because it's delicious i'll be having two more cups of the sugar milk please especially if you got snowflake shaped marshmallows boom give it to me give it to me now give it to me give it to me wow give it to me give it to me uh-uh give it to me one time who said what oh sorry i don't know i'm just liking this thing song today i ain't complaining like you right well fine yeah i understand yeah i got oh yeah no no no okay tell the story tell that story that's a good story all right that's a crazy story do it do it do it so uh last night we're

    Natty Bumpercar: dinner and we're eating uh the kids are eating pizza bagels like mini pizza bagels uh one's got cheese on it one's got pepperoni on it and then uh ollie had uh little uh broccoli florets florets and uh some ranch dip to dip those in dip dip and uh i don't know applesauce or something anyway so i was helping to feed him and he's cramming the pizza bagels in in in in in in and then uh he was taking care of that so it's really my job to handle the broccoli because he's not gonna put he's not gonna eat that by himself he ain't gonna do it so i thought he had sufficiently uh eaten his pizza bagel but i guess he still had some in there and so i dipped a broccoli floret into some ranch dressing and uh i kind of popped into his mouth pop and knowing full well that maybe it was a little bit too big of a broccoli floret it wasn't huge i'm not gonna it wasn't enormous ginormous but it was maybe just a little too big and so chewing and uh and my wife goes ollie you okay and he's just looking at her she's like just keep chewing and he chews and he chews and uh then like oh we're gonna say 20 seconds later he gets this look at his face and she's like do you need to are you gonna throw up and he just kind of nods his head and then he leans over his plate and just kind of spits out the broccoli oh crisis averted everything is okay right no because then everything that he had just eaten oh onto the plate it was horrifying to see emerson lost his mind ran out of the room screaming right without even taking a break with his right hand oliver reaches around to the other side of the plate and this is a small plate people to the pizza bagel that was still intact that he had not lost yet and he grabs it and goes to pick it up and goes to start eating it he wasn't even done throwing up i don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people

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  • Bumperpodcast 132 – Mobile Choo-Choo

    Bumperpodcast 132 – Mobile Choo-Choo

    Natty Bumpercar is stranded by the railroad tracks with his computer – just waiting for the choo-choo to come rolling around the bend.

    Then we talk about cheese and flowers and other pertinent stuff … Yes, we do!Do you ever talk about pertinent stuff? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and then we can all be relevant!

    I want to be popular!!

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  • Bumperpodcast 131 – Whispers

    Bumperpodcast 131 – Whispers

    Ooh! It’s one of those whispering shows where secrets are being told … You should definitely listen in to find out which secrets are being discussed.

    But – someone – or something – try to shut us down because of what we are talking about ….

    Then – Bumpercar gets agitated and starts going on about trashcans running all around the neighborhood …

    Do you have awesome secrets that you want to unload? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and everything will be ice cream and cake!

    I love ice cream!!

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