Tag: Nose

  • Bumperpodcast #146 – Brains

    Bumperpodcast #146 – Brains

    Bumpercar loses his brain … Then – he tries to have a conversation with it – and – the eventualities skeeve everyone out.

    Have you ever talked to your brain? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – because – brains are good!

    Hooray for brains!!!

    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar returns to the Bumperpodcast after a two-week absence due to computer problems, and immediately launches into a hilariously absurd monologue about his brain leaving his head. In this solo episode, Natty contemplates the logistics of how his brain would return to his skull, becoming increasingly grossed out by his own imagination. The stream-of-consciousness storytelling takes listeners on a wild ride through Natty's bizarre thought processes, complete with sound effects and self-commentary. By the end, he's contemplating labeling the episode "too yuck for comfort" and asking listeners how they handle situations with "too much yuck."

    Memorable Quotes

    “I need a technical genius this is what i was trying to say but i don't know what i was i don't know where my brain went right there”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm gonna have to ask you to climb back up into my head like through my nose i guess i don't know how it's gonna work out”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I might as well just put a label on this thing that says like too gross for comfort too yuck for comfort too yuck for you for me too yuck too much yuck”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #streamofconsciousness #imagination #absurdisthumor #technicaldifficulties #brain #self-awareness #comedy #monologue

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: all right well if it's the bumper podcast she be looking for then it's the bumper podcast that she have found welcome one and all it's me natty bumper car and i'm coming at you live and in person am i yelling a little bit i feel like i am why i'm gonna blame it on the humidity is that something you can even do i don't know is this like why is grandma yelling all the time well there's a lot of clouds in the sky so you know no i don't know i think i'm just yelling because i'm so excited i haven't seen you guys in a couple of weeks seriously computer problems again i need some sort of technical technical genius i need a technical genius this is what i was trying to say but i don't know what i was i don't know where my brain went right there and if you do please draw me a map so that i can go and look because i want to wait there for the next time my brain goes there so i could be waiting and i can hide and i can sneak out and i can be all like boo what up brain and it can be all like bumper car you know you were coming over here and i could be like brain what are you doing here man and i'll be like man brain you talk really interestingly i mean i'm not gonna say like weird or bad or whatever but like you know like get with the program i'm not gonna be able to sit and hang out and have a proper conversation with you brain if all you can do is make like weird squishy noises and be all like it's too much it's too much to ask i appreciate you hanging out with me but now i'm gonna have to ask you to climb to climb back up into my head like through my nose i guess i don't know how it's gonna work out i don't even want to think about it i'm probably going to throw this episode away because i'm so skeeved out at the thought of my brain getting back into my head which is weird because i'm not going to be able to do that because i'm not going to be able to do that because I never even thought it strange for a moment that my brain had left my head to go somewhere else like that made perfect sense to me like oh well yeah of course my brain's gonna leave my head every so often why wouldn't it isn't that something that brains do well hey bumper car let's take this logic full circle and see what we come around with oh the brain's got to get back in your head at some point and then what happens oogie oogie ucky yucky thank you very much I apologize if I have totally ruined everyone's day with an oogie ucky yucky story I might as well just put a label on this thing that says like too gross for comfort too yuck for you for me too yuck too much yuck ladies and gentlemen have you ever been in a situation where there was too much yuck and I'm asking you as a friend natty bumper car to my bumper podcast pals what did you do in this situation did you run was it fight or flight did you just like walk away or did you just put your hands on your ears and go la la la la la

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  • Bumperpodcast 109 – Plague

    Bumperpodcast 109 – Plague

    Natty Bumpercar returns to Headquarters with the icky-nasty-yucky plague – but – he has missed the Bumperpodcast studios so much – that he decides to give you a little bit of the talky-talk.

    Mostly – he just takes his throat to task for not doing what it’s supposed to do – which is evidently just to sit there and be a pipe. There are firings that are threatened.

    Listen to the Bumperpodcast to see if there is a job opening for a throat …

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    About This Episode

    In episode 109 of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar returns to headquarters feeling under the weather. Suffering from what he calls "the plague," Natty delivers a hilarious rant about his malfunctioning body parts. He breaks down the basic job requirements of a throat—breathing and swallowing—and expresses his frustration that his throat can't even handle these simple tasks. Natty also voices his disappointment with his nose, threatening to fire both body parts if he could continue operating without them. This solo episode showcases Natty's signature comedic style as he turns being sick into an absurd performance review of his own anatomy.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I brought back with me the plague, I brought back with me disease, I brought back with me the funk, I brought back with me the ew, the yucky, the goo.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You're a throat, you're just a tube. You're not really even doing anything, you just have to sit there.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If I could fire my nose and throat and still continue this operation that I'm in right now, you know what I would do it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #beingsick #comedy #illness #bodyparts #rant #soloepisode #health

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me daddy bumper car and the uh wow i am back in headquarters and that is awesome and that is great and you know what i brought back with me i brought back with me the plague i brought back with me disease i brought back with me the funk i brought back with me the ew the yucky the goo i can't breathe i have this nose that doesn't even know how to work i have this throat it doesn't even like me talking about it sometimes if i talk about my throat it decides to just close up and not work at all which to me is inappropriate it's like hey you're a throat how about you work is kind of what i'm thinking you know because really as a throat what do you have to do you have a few pretty i would say basic tasks uh a throat is uh breathing in and out all right that's you know if we want to say it that could be two things but really it's just kind of airflow so what i'm gonna do i'm i'm gonna be a stickler i'm gonna say airflow that's one in and out you're just a tube you're not really even doing anything you just have to sit there and the other thing you know is is again it's it's you know you can break it up if you want to if you want to give the throat uh you know oh poor throat you know you can say oh you have to drink liquids liquid has to go down oh no you have to uh uh take in food you know like solid stuff so like but really that's just one thing it's just you're taking stuff in so and i'll give you another you so you take stuff in and you know how people say oh cough cough cough that went down the wrong pipe i guess you know like if you take a drink and you can't um and you and they're like cough cough cough and then they're like oh well i know i just said this but that went down the wrong pipe and you're just like whatever jethro i don't care so throat here's what you're supposed to do for me you're supposed to breathe you're supposed to uh in and out that's one and you're supposed to let me uh eat and drink stuff so so food going down and that's all you do just do it don't don't bust don't fuss don't fight just do what you're supposed to do and nose i don't even want to talk about my nose at this point because it's not even it's so far not even trying it's ridiculous if i could fire my nose and throat and still continue this operation that i'm in right now you know what i would do it

  • Bumperpodcast 91 – Baby Attack

    Bumperpodcast 91 – Baby Attack

    Is Headquarters under attack? No … well, kind of. It is under attack from inside of it’s very own walls. Natty Bumpercar, Pig and Robot end up trapped in the Bumperpodcast booth as they try to escape from the rampaging Baby Bumpercar.

    Listen to find out if anyone makes it out in one piece – on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast!

    And – don’t forget to email us with anything … anything at all at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Hooray!

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  • Broken Nose

    Broken Nose

    There I was, on the couch, enjoying a three and a quarter minute respite. When all of a sudden, from out of the blue, I felt a tumultuous little beast approach. In a blur, in a flash, he had scampered up the couch – and I made the mistake of not paying attention.

    The boy was angered (but, really, not so much). I had turned the other cheek. I had pushed him aside for sleep. I had not given him his proper due.

    So, while standing at my knees, he turned and looked away, and then, he stood and started to bounce. He thought about the rest of his day and then he probably started to smile – before he, with a healthy dose of abandon, blindly threw himself backwards.

    The back of his head is made of rock – but – the bridge of my nose is totally not. A lightning of pain and stars exploded in my head.

    I fell off of the couch, rolling around and yowling like a seriously injured cat – and Ma Bumpercar ran into the room to see what all of the commotion was about. I was still on the floor, and my hands were over my face and I said “I tink he brode my node … I tink he brode my node …” I heard her rush over and say “No, Baby Bumpercar … No.” Evidently – he saw his opportunity to finish me off and had perched himself on the edge of the couch – where he was getting ready to pounce on me.

    After some internet research and some staring in the mirror, I took some Tylenol and put an ice pack into the boo-boo bear and sat on the couch. Baby Bumpercar got excited that I was using his boo-boo bear and started dancing around and running up to me to snatch him away while fanatically yelling the word “Bear” over and over.

    I went to a show that night with a puffy face looking moderately like a raccoon and terribly joked that I could either be called Natty Bump-on-nose – or – Puff Natty – both of which actually hurt to type out – because they are that unfunny. I was told over and over that I needed to go to a doctor – that it was so-so broken (or at least fractured) … I was undecided as to what to do. I figured that I would sleep on it.

    I was, honestly, kind of excited about the prospect of having a broken nose … I’ve never broken anything other than an errant toe or two … and think of the story! My 22 month old breaks my nose … how tremendous is that?! Imagine what he’s going to be doing to me when he is 4 … Imagine how great that pain is going to be!

    The next morning, I was super-puffy and the nose still hurt – so I went to the doctor and spent the entire day hanging out, getting looked at and eventually getting x-rayed. My doctor said that he “would be shocked if it wash’t broken” and that he “had a guy” who could fix me right up … He “had a guy”?! How exciting was that? I love it when people have specific people who can do specific situational jobs/things … it reminded me of when I had a truck and lived in Brooklyn … People would be talking about having to move some stuff and, I’m guessing, they would be hit with the phrase “You’re moving? Well – I have got a guy that can definitely help you with that …” – – and then I wondered – – what kind of situation is there that comes up where am I still “the guy” – – and then I got sad.

    When I missed the nurse calling back with the results – they couldn’t have been more underwhelming … “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.” What?! Seriously, what did that even mean? I had to call her back to find out – which seemed to make her angry … as she said, almost verbatim, “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.”

    And that, my friends, is how you end a story with a whimper … The nose wasn’t broken … Just bruised really bad. So – it looks like this round went to my nose, Baby Bumpercar … Better luck next time!

    On a quick side-note … I hope that there isn’t a ‘next time’ … because if not breaking my nose hurt as bad ad it did – then – I can’t even moderately comprehend how much the real deal would hurt. Maybe I’ll just invest in a lot of bubble wrap – or – a face mask – or – a marshmallow nose guard – or – something?!

    Maybe.

  • Puffs with Vicks – Hooray!

    Puffs Review
    I was at the big store walking around the other day – and found myself mulling around the tissue aisle. Needless to say – I was pretty put out by how terrible the box designs were – but one thing did manage to tweak my interest in a moderately positive way. It was a box – sligtly unlike the other boxes . . .  it was almost like there was a slight glow – the glow of health and supremacy – coming from the box. I had to stop and investigate.

    It was a box of Puffs plus . . . with Vicks. “They have gone too far!” I yelled in my head. “How many more things can they possibly add to a tissue?” I needled at myself. I then – while holding a box – looked at a lady – arched my eyebrow and said with measured incredulity “This is simply too much!” as I tossed the box back onto the shelf and went on my merry way. I am pretty sure that she agreed with me.

    The only problem was that the gears, cogs and wheels in my head started spinning – as they often do with new products – and then I came to the conclusion that I needed to try them. So – on my way to the pencil factory – where we make the best pencils in the business – I picked up a box. My world has changed – yet again – this time for the better.

    I love them so much. I just wave them around in the air – smelling the Vicks smell feeling my breathing get a tiny bit less constricted and getting slightly nauseous. Then – when it is actually time to use them – it is confusing bliss. The need to blow my nose gets all twisted up with the desire to breath in deep the aroma of health – and things get goopy. I am still working on the goopy part. I will overcome.

    Next up will be tissues that have all of this stuff – but that are also connected to social networking sites – and that alert your doctor as to if you are sick and how sick you are – and that will call you a car service to go to the airport to get to the drier climates out west – where there are good prospects for hard working folk – and stuff like that. The future is coming – and ain’t she a beaut?!