Tag: gross

  • Bumperpodcast 79 – The flies have it

    Bumperpodcast 79 – The flies have it

    Things aren’t going well in Headquarters … Maybe you can help us with it – or – maybe you know someone who can help us with the situation … A critter has potentially passed away in the attic …

    And the flies – oh dear goodness graciousness – the flies.

    Someone help … please.

    If you think that you can help us – then email us at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

     

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    About This Episode

    In episode 79 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis at headquarters involving an unwelcome wildlife situation. After encountering two fearsome squirrels in the attic and backing away slowly to maintain eye contact, things take a turn for the worse. A deceased squirrel in the backyard leads to an invasion of flies that threatens to take over the entire headquarters. Natty's comedic panic and increasingly frantic descriptions make this a hilariously gross episode about dealing with nature's less pleasant surprises.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I came eye to eye mere feet away from a ferocious furry squirrel. I'm the one who left the attic when I saw them and I didn't even turn around I backed slowly down the stairs never breaking eye contact.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The flies they're everywhere they're huge they're winning they're taking over.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #squirrels #headquarters #wildlife #pests #flies #nature #comedy #panic

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: ladies and gentlemen boys and girls we have a serious problem here in headquarters and i don't even mean a serious problem i mean a super serious problem and i shouldn't even be talking quite as loud as i am because they might hear me it's been overrun there's something terrible happening in headquarters something i think something died in the attic up in the belfry i think some sort of varmint some sort of creature some sort of thing might have happened and by happened i mean something it's gross i don't want to talk about it i'm sorry that i'm telling you guys about it

    Unknown: you

    Natty Bumpercar: hi this is natty bumper car this is the bumper podcast it's dead it's not things aren't going well around here in headquarters today things aren't going well at all um the last few days as a matter of fact so here's the situation maybe you can help me on it maybe you know someone who can help me with it i don't know all i do know is that things are things are getting real real ugly real gross real crazy there's no smell i need you to know that it's not like i live in some sort of hovel headquarters is a very nice place headquarters is very well kept we we vacuum we clean we take care of headquarters but maybe just maybe some type of critter gained access to the attic we're gonna say that happened we know that happened because i can't eye to eye mere feet away from a ferocious furry squirrel yeah i mean it was two squirrels i saw them they saw me i'm just gonna say i'm the one who left the attic when i saw them and i didn't even turn around i backed slowly down the stairs never breaking eye contact until i could get my hand on the door and then i uh burst through the door and i did like a little dance like type of thing but then a couple of weeks later there was a squirrel in the backyard he wasn't doing so well he wasn't with us anymore and i had to he was removed we'll say and then a week after that the fly started and that there ladies and gentlemen bumper cop bumper cod pet i'm so broken up about this the flies they're everywhere they're huge they're winning they're taking over

  • Eeeeewwww . . . A Roach!

    I’m working on a project for a client where I got to draw a roach. I figured that you might like to see it. It is gross. Drawing roaches is gross. I am gross.

    I keep trying to swat my monitor with a rolled up news paper. Yuck!

  • The Ooze

    toe

    My toe has turned into an evil little lump at the end of my foot that points directly to a large portion of the pain in the world.

    The other day – I noticed that my toe really hurt – the big toe on my right foot. I promptly got distracted by something shiny – and forgot.

    The next day it was hurting again – it is possible that it never really stopped – and all of the memories of pain from the day before came rushing up to the front part of my brain.

    I decided that I had endured enough misery – so I grabbed a tiny flat-head screw driver and pressed really hard. That was when goo started oozing out of my toe. Let me repeat that . . . goo started to ooze out of my toe.

    How gross have I become that random ick can find its way out of a part of my body that has absolutely no business excreting any sort of anything?! Pretty darn gross.

    After days of sore toe and calculated attacks with a screw driver, I gave up and started kicking an old framed canvas that I have laying around. I kicked it super-hard several times. Oddly – not only did the toe still hurt – but a slightly different pain had spread to a couple of other toes – possibly brought on by the blunt trauma of repeatedly kicking something – this – however can not be verified.

    When the violent beating of the evil toe didn’t work – I sparked several random toe conversations up at work. “Hey Billy – how are those piggies holding up?!” – “Whoa Sally! Talk to me about your toes.” “Blah – blah – blah – foot fingers – blah – blah.” And I found out two things. The first is that people can get freaked out over a simple toe conversation and the second is that I have evidently been afflicted with a rare and unpleasant condition known as an ingrown toe-nail.

    So – my body has turned against itself – and evidently my big toe – which used to be my absolute favorite toe out of all of my toes – is leading the charge.

    What’s grosser than gross? Evidently . . . me.

    Please excuse me while I screw drive and lemon juice my toe.