Tag: Food

  • Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

    Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

    There is a sickness in the land. A sickness that leads to tangents and rambling! I hope you don’t catch it!

    Do you get sick?

    Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this solo episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his misadventures with viral laryngitis while recording from Bumperpodcast headquarters. With a severely sore throat and raspy voice, Natty rambles through stories about his doctor's visit, taking his kids' homeopathic medicine (complete with melatonin-induced dreams featuring Taylor Swift), and surviving on a diet of apple juice and yogurt. He recounts a recent dinner with a friend at an overwhelming barbecue restaurant and laments having to cancel his Super Bowl party plans. Despite feeling under the weather and admittedly not firing on all cylinders, Natty delivers his characteristic stream-of-consciousness comedy while apologizing for the absence of his usual puppet co-stars like Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Coleman Sparkles.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I sound a little bit rough. It's like if I was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there, yeah you want to go rob that bank with us? That's how I talk now.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The nurse was like oh I'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things, you always make me laugh. And I was in my head just like I say strange things?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Here's fifteen dollars go to the arcade, go to the penny arcade, go get some penny candy. Go out of the town where are you kids?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #doctorvisit #friendship #food #superbowl #dreams #rambling

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so as it happens sometimes uh around here at headquarters i've gotten sick again and this is fine i actually i feel pretty okay if i'm gonna be honest it's my uh my throat hurts really bad uh it's swollen um i tried taking some i had tea with lemon i had uh tea with lemon and honey just lemon and honey um and then i went to i went to the doctor yesterday and uh they said that i have something called viral laryngitis which is like what what's that and actually yesterday i said all right right now i sound a little bit uh rough it's like if i was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there yeah you want to go rob that bank with us because we're gonna go rob it all right that's how i talk now but that i but it actually does it hurts to talk um which is fun i actually had uh a meeting oh yes i went to the doctor and uh hold on and when i when you go to the doctor for the sore throat um you know what's gonna happen is they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna swab they're gonna swab the deck and and the doctor the first the nurse came in and she was just like uh she's very nice and she was she was like oh i'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things you always make me laugh and i was in my head i was just like i say strange things and then i was like oh i make her laugh that makes me happy that's all i want to do in the world is make her laugh um oh boy this hurts uh so then uh she weighed me and here's an i think i've complained about this before although the voice is back a little bit okay uh they um this is higher now that's weird uh she went to weigh me and she got me on the scale and it used to be at the doctor's office you would have like uh your underwear like your boxers and your t-shirt or something on right uh but i had like two shirts on my pants and my pants my pockets are full of have i carry rocks around i don't know why uh no but so you know she weighs me and she was like oh you must have had a good lunch and i was thinking i was like i didn't even have lunch it hurts to it hurts to swallow it hurts to breathe that hurts to swallow i can't put food in there um uh but you know if you take off the weight of the clothes when did the weight of the clothes become part of your weight is my complaint there i guess uh so i um but then i i had i had had dinner with a friend the night before i am rambling today man i'm gonna blame it on i started taking the uh i didn't have any cold medicine or anything that seemed appropriate for uh for a sore throat i'm gonna blame it on i didn't have any cold medicine for this whatever it is um laryngitis c thing um so the kids have this uh it's called zarby's maybe i think it's called zarby's zarby's and it's all like homeopathic stuff and it's like uh there's well there's honey which isn't really homeopathic i guess but i wanted honey on my throat and then there's also uh the stuff melatonin makes you sleep and then there's i guess there's other stuff too it makes you feel better so i took some a couple nights ago i had this crazy dream and it was all these people that i know were in it and uh taylor swift was in it and we all lived in this weird little town and uh i don't remember any of the dream but it was it was it was just like it was like a sitcom like it was like you'd pop into a set and be like hey and then there'd be like funny wacky jokes or whatever and then uh i don't remember it was a weird dream but then last night i took it again and uh and then at night they said it got a little bit better and i was like oh my god i'm gonna get to stay hydrated so i drink water and last night i drank uh i had some uh apples apple juice with water in it and um and uh the uh and i think that made it feel better so i'm taking this kid's medicine and i'm drinking apple juice from now on to make me feel better uh i can't really eat because it hurts so i'm drinking smoothies and eating yogurt which is great because this weekend is a super good weekend and i'm going to be drinking apple juice and i'm going to be drinking and my little my little birds are in it and fingers are crossed and i'm gonna in theory if i feel better please make me feel better uh we were gonna have a super bowl party we're gonna have people over but i just can't do it anymore i can't i don't have i don't have it in me uh so we're just gonna have us as a super bowl party which all right you know that makes sense uh because we're gonna get all this food that just the wife and i are gonna eat and the kids are gonna be like that's disgusting and i'm gonna be like oh why are you here go go out here's here's fifteen dollars go go have fun go out of the town where are you kids go go to the go to the arcade go to the penny arcade go get go get some penny candy fifteen dollars uh so i'm it's fine that i'm on this kind of um diet of uh of uh of what is this stuff i'm i'm using diet of uh man yogurt liquids i am and i gotta go to work today people i left work early yesterday and i gotta go in today and i am i am not operating in all i'm not operating in all cylinders i'm not functioning in all set no firing i'm not firing on all cylinders right now um and the doctor she was she was like do you i don't even know that's not even we're talking about this and she swabbed me there all that tangent was just because i was talking about swabbing and i want to talk about the nurse turns out so i don't have strep throat which i knew because with strep throat you can look into a mirror and if you can open your mouth you can look in the back and you'll see like white spots and uh like rabbititis it's like oh i got rabbititis uh but she's like but we're gonna we're gonna send this off the culture we're gonna send this culture off to have it and i was like all right i don't i don't care i don't know but then there's she's like here's so what here's what you do drink a lot of fluid don't uh exert yourself don't exercise and uh and i was just like i like exercise and uh and good luck basically that was it now i was just like this is this was a waste of 30 all right i could have i could have stayed home and slept for the two hours this doctor's appointment took and would have probably made me feel a little bit better um yeah so that's where i'm at right now i did i got to have dinner with a friend of mine earlier this week who who had moved from new york to minneapolis minnesota and uh he's he's great and i miss him i it's weird thing when you get older you don't have as many friends you know and you're like oh telephone you can stay in touch on facebook that's garbage you know you need to be able to sit across the table from somebody and really to be able to really complain uh it's it's it's essential to be it do it in person uh otherwise you know when they hang up the phone they're just like oh that guy so this is like physically you have to be like oh that guy it was so fun though he went to a barbecue place in the city and uh and uh and uh you had to go in you get it it's called you get a meal ticket and there's all these rules gotta get a meal ticket can't come in without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket your meal ticket meal ticket meal ticket he's like oh my goodness so uh you get in line and there's just so much food and it's overwhelming and the guy behind the counter he was great he was a great salesman he was just like all right here's what you guys want you guys both want this you look like hungry gentlemen you know what you're gonna want you're gonna want this special it comes with two meats it goes with two sides you're also gonna get cornbread with that and i was like that's too much food he was like no man it's not that much food trust me it's gonna be perfect for you so you're gonna and i got turkey turkey at a barbecue place but i gotta tell you man it's delicious i can't eat i can't eat the leftovers because it hurts too bad but man that day it was it was delicious this was a few days ago uh i got turkey and i got uh i got i got uh uh corn casserole who knew it's the best thing ever it was so good choupette white choupette corn green bean casserole too i feel like this is the conversation you're gonna have with me bumper podcast when i put away in an old in an old folks home and you show up on you know the one the day before christmas where you've come into town you're not gonna waste your christmas on me but you're gonna come and visit me because it is the holiday season this is what i feel like this conversation is although i haven't mentioned soup so i'm not gonna waste your christmas on me but uh maybe it's not we're not entirely there but uh if you are still listening to the bumper podcast i appreciate you i love you to to pieces i love doing the bumper podcast my voice actually feels better now than it did before so i appreciate you for that i do feel like i'm gonna pass out uh that's not your fault all right i gotta tell you uh uh and i apologize for the rambling i apologize pig is he's got something he's out he's out he's out like a light he's asleep right now uh rufus t rufus is actually in the south he said he is too cold for him here uh coleman sparkles is in the mine of course because it's his day to to go down to the mine uh pirate i don't know if the pirate has a name i just called the pirate uh anyway you guys are top-notch i am so glad i don't have any shows that was a worrisome thing for me because i can't do shows right now i'm talking now but i gotta be funny clearly i can't be funny

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  • Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Pig sings a Christmas song, Bumpercar complains, and then a magical story is shared!

    Did you like magic? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    And now, we’re featured on the http://www.laughable.com/ app. Go get it (laughable.com/download)!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 278 of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to turn over a new leaf by singing a gentle song to the Christmas tree instead of knocking it over. Natty Bumpercar interrupts with an epic tale of Christmas tree shopping woes, involving tiny overpriced trees, pushy salespeople, and hidden fees for basic services. The episode takes a turn when Natty shares a stomach-turning dinner story about his son Oliver nearly choking on broccoli, only to continue eating mid-throw-up while his brother Emerson flees the scene. This hilarious holiday episode combines festive chaos with parenting adventures.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and I was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what I normally do”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “If I'm at a restaurant and I'm sitting there and what would you like some water I just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He wasn't even done throwing up. I don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #parenting #shopping #holiday #family #food #christmastrees #kids

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your lights are really glowing hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your ornaments are showing the presents and the stockings too i really want to repent to you oh christmas tree oh hey hey bumper car how are you

    Natty Bumpercar: doing i'm doing doing anyway huh wow i'm doing great i i liked i heard your song i was over in the corner listening and uh it's pretty creepy huh no not creepy at all come on all right if

    Aloysious J. Pig: you say so i suppose anyway yeah i made up a nice song it's my little holiday songs christmas song whatever song i'm singing to the uh i was singing it to the christmas tree so it's nice you know i was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and i was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what i normally do you know huh yeah uh so that's super awesome

    Natty Bumpercar: and i appreciate that you're trying to take a new tact with the christmas tree this year because it it's brutal having a tree here um this year was especially crazy because we uh we went to one store no and the christmas trees they were all like four feet tall they were tiny and they were trying to tell me that they were between six and seven feet and i was i'm six feet and so i was looking at the tree and i was just like am i a giant did i grow and my my wife is like oh this one it's fine and i was like it's tiny we can't have tiny tree what are you doing and the prices were more and more and more and more and more expensive too so we had to pack the kids back up which when you tell your kids that they're going to get a christmas tree and then you don't get said christmas tree because the store has tiny christmas trees and they're more expensive the kids don't understand any of that stuff and so what do the kids do they freak out what do you mean we're not getting christmas tree we were supposed to get a christmas tree we want a christmas tree like that it's it's bananas it's bedlam so the car we go back to the other place there's three places that we can potentially go there's probably a hundred but really there's three because i can't keep going after that i don't have it in me so we went to place number two last year place number two man you know we get nice pictures of the kids walking around the christmas trees it's nighttime there's little lights it's this beautiful it was kind of during the day there weren't a lot of trees because the kid was like there was just a really big rush sorry there's not a lot left a big rush all right well show me what you got show me show me what you got there's what is there's like a few kinds of christmas trees there's douglas fir there's ball balsam or something i don't know and there's see i don't know the names of the christmas trees oh man hold on what are the kinds of clouds cumulonimbus serious i don't know all the names of the clouds what's happened to my brain what are the names of the different kinds of rocks ah stalactite no i don't know anything oh no i can't remember things rain where did you go so all right anyway we get a specific kind of tree i don't know what kind it's called but i know it when i see it right and uh so we go we go to one tree and the kid's right on us too he's quote unquote helping us but he's right on us it was just like right when you walk into a store and you see a shirt you like or something and you walk over and you're just like oh look at that shirt do you want it do you want that shirt and he's like taking it out and like draping it over you you're like i no i don't know i just met this shirt all right i have no idea okay okay well and then he does this thing where he picks it up and he knocks it on the ground so that it's supposed to make it look better boom and then all the fronds and then he's like oh my god i don't know bro i don't just relax i just walk i just walk in i'm trying to make this an experience all right i'm trying to get in here walk around a bit with my sweet family look at some trees you know debate which kind we like better whatever learn the different types of this is why i don't know the types of trees because you go in and they kick you right out now i know all right the rocks and the clouds i can't explain that as much anyway last year we got a tree right it's like 40 bucks we'll say i don't really know it's kind of pricey and uh at the end they managed they managed to upsell me because i was in such a tizzy because the kids are so crazy do you want your christmas tree package and i was like yeah okay i don't know what is that and they told me they don't even know what it was like a bag and some stuff you put in the water and something i don't remember what else it was 15 what your tree has now gone up exponentially the price of it frustration but you're at that car already your family's there you've and you've already said yes to this thing and you're just like oh well now i'm stuck so this year i was i went in knowing when 10 that was weird how i said that i went in knowing that uh i was not going to be taken in such a way i was not going to be taken by the christmas tree guys so i waited for the christmas tree package thing to happen and i was like no no i'm good and then the guy goes to ring me up and uh it was i think 10 bucks more than price quoted and i was like what what happened and he's like oh yeah well you got the end lopped off and you got it uh you got it wrapped up and i was like what in my head i didn't know because i'm at a christmas tree place you can't really yell at a christmas tree place but i was like what those are things that you just do those are part of the service like if i'm at a restaurant and and i and i'm sitting there and what would you like some water i just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water or or even better oh you you what's this extra charge you're seven dollars well you used the napkin that was on the table but the napkin was there the napkin is something that you use you lop off and you put it in the the stuff the net if you're they didn't even they would have charged me to put it on my car or something or i mean i would have figured it out but like you gotta tell a guy christmas is expensive there's expenses everywhere you can't just go adding stuff in terrible so and then i had to tip the kid because he's like you guys like yeah i'm from shader cove and he was like oh yeah i'm too and then i was i was gonna tip him anyway but i felt obligated because then he knows my town he knows me he knows where i live uh yeah

    Aloysious J. Pig: bubba car crazy uh i just think it's pretty amazing that i was sitting here by myself singing a nice song about the christmas tree and uh hello christmas tree and then all of a sudden you burst in with all your vim and vigor and start yelling about christmas tree buying and uh ruining my holiday my day here i was gonna i had a beautiful story about snowflakes i was gonna talk about penguins probably i was gonna talk about uh hot chocolate like regular chocolate chocolate versus white hot chocolate i don't know if you've even experienced that but they'll put marshmallows in it sometimes and your mind is just like blown what did i just drink is this sugar milk because it's delicious i'll be having two more cups of the sugar milk please especially if you got snowflake shaped marshmallows boom give it to me give it to me now give it to me give it to me wow give it to me give it to me uh-uh give it to me one time who said what oh sorry i don't know i'm just liking this thing song today i ain't complaining like you right well fine yeah i understand yeah i got oh yeah no no no okay tell the story tell that story that's a good story all right that's a crazy story do it do it do it so uh last night we're

    Natty Bumpercar: dinner and we're eating uh the kids are eating pizza bagels like mini pizza bagels uh one's got cheese on it one's got pepperoni on it and then uh ollie had uh little uh broccoli florets florets and uh some ranch dip to dip those in dip dip and uh i don't know applesauce or something anyway so i was helping to feed him and he's cramming the pizza bagels in in in in in in and then uh he was taking care of that so it's really my job to handle the broccoli because he's not gonna put he's not gonna eat that by himself he ain't gonna do it so i thought he had sufficiently uh eaten his pizza bagel but i guess he still had some in there and so i dipped a broccoli floret into some ranch dressing and uh i kind of popped into his mouth pop and knowing full well that maybe it was a little bit too big of a broccoli floret it wasn't huge i'm not gonna it wasn't enormous ginormous but it was maybe just a little too big and so chewing and uh and my wife goes ollie you okay and he's just looking at her she's like just keep chewing and he chews and he chews and uh then like oh we're gonna say 20 seconds later he gets this look at his face and she's like do you need to are you gonna throw up and he just kind of nods his head and then he leans over his plate and just kind of spits out the broccoli oh crisis averted everything is okay right no because then everything that he had just eaten oh onto the plate it was horrifying to see emerson lost his mind ran out of the room screaming right without even taking a break with his right hand oliver reaches around to the other side of the plate and this is a small plate people to the pizza bagel that was still intact that he had not lost yet and he grabs it and goes to pick it up and goes to start eating it he wasn't even done throwing up i don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people

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  • Bumperpodcast 204: Who pays the bees?

    Bumperpodcast 204: Who pays the bees?

    First there is a donkey – and then – Natty Bumpercar hosts an advice segment – and then there is some talk about bees. Why does it always go back to bees and donkeys?

    Do you be? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this energetic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar opens with a brand new donkey-noise intro and spirals into a hilarious caffeine-fueled monologue about honey peanut butter. What starts as a comedy podcast quickly transforms into an impromptu self-help session complete with breathing exercises and life advice. Natty bounces between topics including Eastern European poetry, bee economics, and the philosophy of excitement. After mentioning some recent technical difficulties, he shares his enthusiasm for behind-the-scenes improvements and wraps up with an oddly profound lesson about when it's appropriate to be excited for others. This stream-of-consciousness episode perfectly captures Natty's trademark rambling charm.

    Memorable Quotes

    “This became like a self-help podcast there we started off with a donkey noise and now 2015 the bumper podcast you know what it's about it's about everything it's about you it's about me it's about them it's about all of it”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm wondering if i should just skip the peanut butter all together and just have straight straight honey just have a spoonful of honey every day”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Always be excited if other people are excited unless those people are excited for something bad happening to you or someone else in the world”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #self-help #food #philosophy #excitement #podcasting #streamofconsciousness #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: that's our new intro i i just wrote it this week i wasn't sure do you how do you guys feel about it do you like it does does it does it is it what you is it the good is it a good thing that you want to listen to every day wow sorry i had uh honey peanut butter this morning peanut butter with honey in it and i feel like things are kind of uh uh off the charts a little bit oh like if the meter is over here in the kind of left hand side then it kind of went up to the very middle and then boom over all the way to the right side it's like buried in the right side um that's kind of funny it's been this is natty bumper car and i think we should all just take some deep breaths through our nose and out of our mouths and through our nose and out of our mouths and everybody exhale wow this became like a self-help podcast there we started off with a donkey noise and now 2015 the bumper podcast you know what it's about it's about everything it's about you it's about me it's about them it's about all of it okay so if we're gonna cover all that ground we're gonna jump around a little bit we're gonna skip around we're gonna do a little a little dance probably maybe even two or three little dances did you hear that i talked so much that i i uh i had to swallow do you ever have you ever been in a conversation hi everybody it's me natty bumper car how are you doing today i'm doing a little dance i'm doing a little dance i'm doing a little dance are you doing this week i missed you so much like really i feel like what we should just do is have a 24 hour seven day a week bumper podcast where uh i can i'm just talking to you and and wondering what you're thinking and what you're saying back to me do you ever talk back to me ever that was a spot there where you could have you could have done it if you hadn't ever done it before i wanted to make sure you had enough time to be like yeah bumper car you know what i do talk back to you sometimes or whatever however you talk you're like oh yeah i'm trying to talk to you as much as i would like to talk to you mr bumper car or uh uh i think that was an eastern european language which i i really i don't dip into as much as i as i should um from what i understand poetry much better when read in eastern european uh dialects and uh numbers also which is you know two things that are kind of opposite spectrum numbers and poetry but both this is rumor that i've heard better eastern european wow i i'm wondering if i should just skip the peanut butter all together and just have straight straight honey just have a spoonful of honey every day and how do what do we pay the bees to to make this honey do they get the honey or do they get the honey some sort of compensation or do the bees just make it and we take it oh they make it we take it you bought it you break it if you break it you make it we take it you bought it if you break it um so this is a bumper podcast and after a few weeks of technical difficulties on the back end that you don't need to know about we've got some things figured out and it's pretty cool i'm gonna say and by saying i mean i'm not gonna say because it's kind of boring because it's behind the scenes but i'm excited and since i'm excited i'm hoping you're excited too because you should always be excited when other people are excited you should not be jealous when other people are excited unless they're excited at something bad that happened to you or somebody else in which case you can in fact be not excited that they're excited i got lost in my train of thought there so the lesson for today is always be excited if other people are excited unless those people are excited for something bad happening to you or someone else in the world it's a good lesson i think that's a good thing to live by i hope that this week there's a lot more excitement in the world and i hope that that you're i mean i feel like what self-help see we're turning it back around we're bringing it back i just hope that we don't go back to the um to the donkey ha

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  • Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    The guests have been booted away from the Bumperpodcast – and given satchels of food for their travels. Natty Bumpercar doesn’t like eating – or – running.

    Do you like to get to the bottom of things? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 190, Natty Bumpercar kicks the children out of headquarters after receiving feedback from listeners. Flying solo, Natty rambles about his complicated relationship with food, from his brief obsession with superfood smoothies to his current dilemma of eating making him feel sluggish. He muses about running marathons, the logistics of exercise, and the unfortunate fact that Bumpercar headquarters sits in a valley where every direction is uphill. The episode showcases Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy as he flip-flops between liking and disliking food, accidentally creates a song about getting up to get down, and admits he'll never be a politician due to his wishy-washy stance on eating.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down you clown.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why I'll never be a politician because I flip-flop back and forth.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #food #eating #health #exercise #running #smoothies #parenting

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car it's the bumper podcast it's whatever day today is and hey look at this no children on this week's episode why natty bumper car oh well because we actually got mail email uh messages where the people were just like no no no no more of that that was not no we can't no no so we kicked the children out and not even just out of the studio out of out of the house out of headquarters they are wandering around i gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and uh some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p they eat persimmons they eat peanuts and of course they will occasionally eat you know uh plum that's another thing that they eat really there's a lot of foods that begin with the letter p and speaking of foods i feel like i'm at a point in my life right now where i don't i don't like food i don't like to eat it doesn't make me feel good it makes me feel sluggish and tired and not so good well maybe that's the kind of food you're eating natty maybe it is i don't know i was on a kick for a few months where i was making these smoothie things with like oh look i'm just gonna throw some kale in here and some carrots and some uh apples and some berries and some yogurt and some uh oatmeal like i'm just making spirulina bee pollen like all this stuff was going into my uh my smoothie thing and i am depressed to admit that i actually felt that way when i was doing this and i don't know why i've stopped all of a sudden um i think my brain was just like got sick of i think i started missing chewing or something like that where i was just like i remember chewing that was fun but then here's the thing i chew i go and i eat that kind of food and uh guess what i don't feel so good like i just want to take a nap i eat and then i want to take a nap that's not how you want to feel you want to eat and feel better and then go run a marathon or whatever it is people do do people do that can you eat and then run a marathon or is it like swimming where you can't run a marathon for like an hour after you eat because you'll get cramps i don't know i don't run marathons i barely run at all because running to me is just it just sounds like so much work like what i'm supposed to do i i gotta put i gotta find my shoes i don't gotta put them on i gotta find my shoes i gotta find some socks i you know i gotta some basically i gotta get dressed if i gotta tie my shoes probably gotta tie them properly there's probably a way that you have to tie your shoes that enables you to run more better i don't know and the thing is everywhere around headquarters is uphill we're in a gully we're in a gulch we're in a valley so if i'm gonna run anywhere it's gonna be running straight up no thanks thank you and you could think to yourself well the run back is gonna be easier you're just gonna you know you could just lay down and roll back to roll back to the headquarters and i'm like well yeah but i gotta get up before i can get down hold on a second did you hear what just happened because i did because you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you clown is not the song i don't know why i said clown at the end there i mean it rhymed sure but i think if you look at linearly at the whole conversation it doesn't make a ton of sense so what have we talked about today no children uh they do eat foods that came with the letter p which turned this into a weird sesame street episode all of a sudden uh i myself natty bumper guard do not like to eat you know i would i might go on a hunger strike i did just have some cereal though it was pretty delicious oh maybe i do like to eat i'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why i'll never be a politician because i flip-flop back and forth so what is it bumper guard do you like to eat do you not like to eat why don't you tell me why don't you make a stand and i'm like i don't know i guess when i'm hungry i like to eat you know i do like to do i like to drink tea but that's not food it's not sustenance it's just caffeine really which is there anything better in the world than caffeine there is why won't you tell me what it is please

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  • Bumperpodcast #164: Leave rain, leave.

    Bumperpodcast #164: Leave rain, leave.

    Rain and rain and rain and rain … So much rain in the world – and – Bumpercar doesn’t seem to believe in umbrellas.

    Do you believe in umbrellas? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Rain is everywhere!

    About This Episode

    In episode 164 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar has to re-record the entire episode after the first take sounds like a tin can inside a mason jar on a ferris wheel rolling on sheet metal with barking puppies. Natty complains about living in a world of constant rain and mugginess, waking up drenched in sweat after Dragon has already gone downstairs to make his legendary poached eggs. Despite everyone saying the trees love the rain, Natty isn't interested in staying perpetually soaked and reveals a deep grudge against umbrellas stemming from a scuffle 15 years ago. This rambling, improvisational episode showcases Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy style.

    Memorable Quotes

    “The sound was horrible. It sounded like I was inside of a tin can inside of a mason jar that was on a ferris wheel that was rolling on a sheet metal with puppies running next to it barking.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Umbrellas and I got into a bit of a scuffle recently, fairly recently, 15 years ago, and I'm not dropping it because those umbrellas know what they did to me.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “When it rains a lot and you go 'god this rain' and somebody says 'well the trees love it,' I wasn't talking to the trees, all right?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #weather #recordingproblems #rain #dragon #food #umbrellas #complaining #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i'm not gonna lie to you i actually just had to record it and then i deleted it and now i'm recording it again why because the sound was horrible it sounded like i was inside of a tin can inside of a mason jar that was on a ferris wheel that was rolling on a sheet metal that uh was also had puppies uh running next to the ferris wheel barking at it as it was rolling uh because clearly that's what would happen there were probably even some snap pops involved throw that snap pops throw that snap pop it was loud it was crummy so now i'm re-recording it and i don't even know what i said before which would have been easier if i had uh any short-term memory whatsoever because then i just would have said the exact same thing instead i'm just winging it that's right we're uh we're a bird on a wire with no net right now i think is a proper analogy but i'm not sure hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and uh i live in the world of rain it rains every i think every day and if it doesn't rain then it's muggy it's it's it's the way it's supposed to be this morning i woke up uh and i was drenched in sweat and it's not here's the thing dragon does sleep in the room sometimes and so it does get a little bit steamy a little bit hot uh but that wasn't why because he had already gone downstairs to poach some eggs and let me tell you ladies and gentlemen one day i'm gonna get dragon's poached egg recipe on the uh on the website because it's phenomenal i don't even like poached eggs but there's some magic that this dragon does to these eggs that just makes them delicious back to the muggy back to the sweat back to the rain because we're gonna stay on point today the trees here's the thing when it rains a lot and you go god this rain and then somebody hears you and then they're like well the trees love it i wasn't talking to the trees all right i was complaining about the fact that i can't leave headquarters without getting soaked or or misted or or whatever i don't need all this this this wet i mean that's what hoses are for right that's what rivers are for groundwater i don't need it all we fall all i don't need it all way falling from this sky i don't need it i mean i don't even have i'm a bumper car who doesn't believe in bumper shoots i believe that they exist i just don't acknowledge their existence so it's a little bit um not tenuous that's not the word i want let's just say that umbrellas and i got into a bit of a scuffle recently fairly recently 15 years ago and i'm not dropping it because those umbrellas know what they did to me they hurt me

    Unknown: not too bad you you you you you um oh you

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