Tag: family

Bumperpodcast #463 – Season 3 – Best Episode

The Bumperpodcast episode opens with an apology from Natty Bumpercar for last week’s episode, which had no audio but was voted the favorite by listeners. Aloysius J. Pig reveals the episode’s popularity, leading to a humorous discussion about the podcast’s cast, including Rufus T. Rufus, the producer, and various recurring characters like Doodle Poodle. The conversation meanders through personal anecdotes, name jokes, and a brief discussion about improving escalators with LED lights and music.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar and the gang open with an apology for last week's audio-less episode, which Aloysious J. Pig hilariously claims was voted the best episode ever. The crew discusses the convenient naming conventions on the show, with Producer revealing his name isn't a nickname but his actual birth name. Rufus T. Rufus boasts about his many fabricated superlatives, while the gang debates whether they're a work family. The conversation takes a wild turn when they propose giving escalators a glow-up with LED lights and music, leading to Producer's panic about potentially dangerous suggestions. This episode showcases the Bumperpodcast's signature improvisational comedy and character dynamics.

Memorable Quotes

“That evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever… they said it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to… because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know”
— Producer

“You took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it… not whatever elevator music”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #podcasting #apologies #names #family #escalators #music #workplacehumor #technology

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Doodle Poodle

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: no but it's what i hold because what i'm saying is it was we made a mistake and i oh hey uh bumper podcast kateers it's me natty bumper car this is the bumper podcast yada yada yada thank you for listening um we're starting the episode off this week with an apology evidently last week we recorded an episode that's not the evidently part but it went out with no audio which for a podcast is um what i have read a very important piece uh hey actually hey natty it's me always just jpeg um and i was looking over the numbers with producer and uh i didn't know that they even had this but that evidently that was voted uh everyone's favorite episode of the bumper podcast ever like out of all the episodes out of all the listings everything that one top of the peak the number one it's not even like uh what do they call it recency bias or nothing like that they just just the words they were saying about this thing they said it's it's perfect it's the best episode we've ever listened to of this podcast really of any podcast uh make more like this but there was no audio there was nothing nobody there was no oh now i get what you're doing okay no now i see i see what you're doing and it makes sense that was their favorite episode of the podcast because there was no audio so they didn't have to listen to all of the rigmarole the shenanigans the uh hold on there natty uh you know you can't just go throwing around words like uh rigmarole shenanigans you know you yep yep what you're doing there is you're pointing the finger at everybody else here on the bumper podcast myself included hello everybody my name is rufus t rufus i'm the i was going to say the legal lawyer around here but i'm the local legal lawyer and and uh i just want to make sure that i keep natty that i keep you in line and i keep you in check all right because we want to make sure that you ain't just out there willy-nilly talking about whatever stuff

Producer: you were saying before yeah no so listen i don't care about what wherever words is he saying the thing i think that it's hurting me everybody hello my name is producer i'm the producer of the podcast and it's not a nickname it's like i was born and my name was producer and i'm a frog and then people are like oh i wonder what you're going to be when you grow up and hop off the lily pad are you going to be a farmer and i was just like i don't know i don't have any plans really and then lo and behold the way life went i ended up being here as a producer which is fine it's a you know it's okay i guess you're okay business if you can get into it but then you know you release one episode with no audio and everybody's all of a sudden like they are they're the producers at home and they're like oh you know you didn't push the button that makes the thing out there over there that with the audio in the wav files and mp3s and you know all these technical terms that i know a lot about but everybody knows yeah settle down there uh that producer also i didn't know that

Natty Bumpercar: i was i didn't honestly i didn't know that was your actual name i thought your name was something like fred or something uh uh delores i don't i don't i don't uh uh i don't know i was going to think of a name with an r at the beginning but i can't eat roger that's a name that begins with an r uh w name winfred willifred i thought your name could have been willifred um but evidently your name is actually producer which is very convenient and helpful for us i gotta say that this podcast is never helpful okay um usually it's very convoluted and confusing and uh people are like what's happening what am i listening to what is going on but with you breath of fresh air uh they're like oh wait okay so that one's name is producer and uh and then they produce okay good perfect where where's host host hosty to make some hosts hosty that's no it's just there's it's not like his name is producery or anything like that it's just producer and so if you're asking where the host is i that's me natty bumper car um and your name is aloe jay pig you see how that worked out uh there sometimes there's a robot on the show every his name is is robot so that's very very um you know smart naming uh that we're doing there uh yeah producer you're just you're okay that's that's that's cool rufus t rufus you're that's your name um of course there's i'm trying to think of other people who sometimes come on the show there's uh there's there's doodle poodle

Doodle Poodle: hi natty that's me doodle poodle i'm of course a dog a poodle who likes to doodle

Unknown: oh

Doodle Poodle: what's up does anybody want to do some drawings with me or anything

Natty Bumpercar: we're good doodle poodle thanks for stopping by natty listen he's not like on the movie where you got to say his name three times the the second you get into the fourth syllable of this you know the second syllable of the second word so the fourth syllable he's already running down the hall thinking you know this is his big shot um yes okay i get it pig uh poodle um uh but your name's not like natty host your name's natty bumper car which makes no i don't even listen people come up to me in the street and they go so is that actually his real name and i say yeah his name is rufus t rufus it's you know it's the same forward and back i guess i don't know and they're like no no no no no no no the other one yeah i'm i'm i don't i don't appreciate you bringing my name into this uh but i do kind of like that uh people do bring me up for i'm what you would call consider a uh fan favorite at this point uh voted most likely to be succeeding from the bumper podcast uh king i was a king of prom at the bumper podcast that one year uh i brought in the most donations at one time president of the class of the the bumper the bumper podcast i have a lot of uh superlatives that i like you know that i i've earned over the years and i'm proud of it you know and i just want people to know about yeah of course so i i am not just rufus t rufus i am so much more than that

Producer: all right i agree and oh my goodness i am so sorry i am yawning it has nothing to do

Natty Bumpercar: with you going on and on uh listing everything that was in no way made up all the superlatives that you have earned um anyway yeah so uh yes that is sure it's my real name pig why did you don't have to engage with these people they uh it was actually my family like um you know cousins yeah and my kids okay grandpa's a family reunion okay gotcha yeah so i felt like i had to understood thank you all right i'm not i'm not gonna go to a family reunion where they're like we're kind of worried about you are you sure that this is the right career path for you and i'm like yeah it's going well then they're like but his name uh is it bumper car seems to be a strange name is all i'm saying yeah and again i okay i totally agree uh but i think what i had to ask in that situation is you can just you can take it you know listen to them and you know i don't know just kind of agree and uh walk away or something i don't know i thought we were pals we're not even if y'all pals the the blood uh the family family reunion is thicker than any kind of water or substance uh or whatever it is you know that we have going on here we're kind of like a work family right you know we come in i assume i'm like uh i don't know uh i'm the funny uncle uh uh let's see here uh uh uh natty you're like that the uncle that gave up a long time ago um aloe vicious you know i'm gonna you're gonna be like the den leader i assume yeah that's perfect that's what i've always

Producer: aimed to be for this group the den leader yeah and so let's see here we have the funny cousin her uncles the cut the the for the day i don't i forgot all the things you just said but what is what does that leave open for me like what did i possibly be in this whole scenario oh producer anytime i hear the word

Natty Bumpercar: scenario i get excited here we here we go here we go no how does it here we go y'all yo here we go yo say something something scenario you guys know that song what song i'm talking about out of all the terrible things that you haven't done on this podcast that was by far the worst one i've ever heard you took a classic song of the uh hip-hop genre and you uh you did that to it it's you know it's got a flow it's supposed to have a flow like here we go yo here we go yo yeah it's boom bap boom bap not whatever elevator music now hold on there's elevator music right but what is the escalator music did that was that ever a thing can we invent that little speakers oh you know what i'm talking about we do escalators of the future right when you go to get your car washed you go in and there's rainbow lights everywhere and it's this big exciting adventure oh it's rainbows and it's cool let's do that with escalators so you're going down and and it's got like uh led lights won't be bomb lights you know cool lights and uh i don't know some sort of a like a soundtrack right you know and it can become like that movie with a dude stepping on the piano and uh and you know so everyone's kind of playing with each other and it's it just seems like it'll bring the community together all right well i i i'm gonna admit i i hold on i don't not like that i do like that i think it's a nice idea especially like the led lights and i don't know i think but before we make uh escalators like fun and you know like an adventure we should probably make escalators that don't try to murder people because i um that's the thing you know if people don't people they and they have children they really start to freak out about it they're like whoa the escalator's gonna get you you better tie that shoe you better not sit on that step what are you doing putting that bag on there it's gonna grab that get your hands and hair away from that escalator come on you can't play with it like that it's dangerous and then now we got a whole society of people terrified of an escalator go to places with multiple levels you look around all them escalators just empty just nobody on them just a couple tumbleweeds just tumbling down the stairs you know i i know what well well hold on i i i agree i don't i can't believe that i do but i actually do agree um escalators we're kind of like uh quicksand uh you're terrified of quicksand growing up they're kind of like uh bees how my children treat bees like uh every bee is out to get them and if the bee does get them then that's the end of all things uh and now and in escalators yeah they're telling you you're gonna you're gonna lose limbs on this thing right so maybe uh pig you're right maybe we need to do what the kids are calling a glow up on the uh on the escalators

Producer: and uh hold on a second we're not gonna blow up any anything no blowing up escalators we have to cut this okay everybody take the equipment we're gonna go and hide we can't say stuff like that on

Natty Bumpercar: on the air yo god chill out we're not first off we're not even on the air we're a podcast but also he i think he said glow glow yeah like you said yeah it's like you're supposed to glow glow it up i don't i don't really know what it means but glow it up the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloysius j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

Unknown: you

October 25, 2025
Bumperpodcast #447 – Season 3 – Raining and Reading

In this episode, Natty Bumpercar is again joined by Oliver. They talk about the rain, if Oliver is allowed to work, and a bundle of things. Don’t miss this fun-filled episode that captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast’s unique humor and charm.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this rainy day episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar is joined by Oliver, who claims to be his 11-year-old son. Oliver discovers he can't legally work as a bodyguard at the podcast due to child labor laws, sparking a hilarious conversation with Natty, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, and Producer. The gang discusses favorite colors (blue seems popular), shapes (circles win the day), and whether a hot dog counts as a cylinder. Pig teases about secret alphabet letters only lawyers know, while Producer the frog gets a bit spicy about children complaining about work. The episode is a delightfully absurd exploration of basic concepts through the lens of puppet logic.

Memorable Quotes

“I don't think that an 11 year old can work at some place”
— Oliver

“If you're out in nature, and you see something that's that shape, what are you going to call it? Oh, it looks like a hot dog.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Legal lawyers know about the secret letters that exist that other people don't even understand or believe in or know for certain. You know, it's how we are able to charge you extra money.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #childhood #education #childlabor #colorsandshapes #rain #family #law #hotdogs

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Oliver, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Producer, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: whoa look at us bumper podcasting right here in the rain yes we are it's raining hard right

Oliver: yeah so it's been raining for days right uh yeah i'm pretty sure it has been raining for a day

Natty Bumpercar: wait how did you weren't here in the last episode who are you i'm oliver i'm your son i'm not so sure about that that seems very strange to me that you would be in here recording

Oliver: a podcast do you have stuff to talk about even uh yeah last time i was here i got hired here

Natty Bumpercar: as a bodyguard you got hired as a bodyguard yes by you in fact um okay okay i don't think i'm

Oliver: actually allowed to because there's why there's a law that's called uh child labor i don't know what that means but it says children under the age of 18 cannot work

Natty Bumpercar: children under the age of 18 cannot work wait you know hold on hey rufus get over here for a second rufus come here come here

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah yeah uh what's going on and oh the boy is back hello there uh how do you do today uh my name's oliver that's what i said i said hello there i don't think legally i'm allowed to work you're not what why why do you think that exactly

Oliver: i don't think that an 11 year old can work at some place

Aloysious J. Pig: ah i see so you you you decided what to do a little searching on the internet and you think you found some sort of a legal loophole which is going to keep you from uh participating in the activities here at the bumper podcast here in in in in in headquarters is that what you're thinking

Oliver: uh no i actually found that in a book i found at your desk about the laws

Aloysious J. Pig: okay now i didn't when did you start reading i didn't know you could read i thought we kept you away from book learning and whatnot uh i started to learn how to read one i think i was like one two three five child hold on that was you natty he said he started learning

Natty Bumpercar: at age of five come on buddy you weren't stop kicking your chair that's uh you started learning when you were like probably two like because i don't remember anything i know but so like five you're already in uh in kindergarten you're going into kindergarten and so like everything they did in uh pre-k or whatever uh that's where they were teaching you like what letters are and what numbers are and what uh colors are do you remember um what are your uh primary colors red blue yellow that's it there's only three of them yeah yeah i think you might be right i think you might be right do you know okay so what is your favorite color blue it is yes that's interesting guess what my favorite color is blue it's also blue yes you are correct uh and so you learned colors you're in shapes rattle off a few shapes for me if you could blue

Oliver: square

Natty Bumpercar: that's a shape that that checks out rectangle um rectangle is also a shape yeah you're two for two

Oliver: pyramid

Natty Bumpercar: pyramid is not a shape i am so sorry yes it is it's a 3d shape oh we're doing 2d we can't go 3d oh my goodness

Aloysious J. Pig: goodness okay what you doing shapes yeah what's your favorite shape circle my favorite shape is uh is uh i can't think of my favorite shape i came in here all excited and ready to go i thought i was gonna i thought i was gonna take over and then all of a sudden i got pressure you know i got nervous like it was a a quiz or a test or something where it's just like what's your favorite shape aloe it's just you know it's like oh boy i am not sure you know who's gonna know though get over here for a second

Oliver: hi who um what are we doing we're talking about shapes and colors oh um , i love shapes and colors

Doodle Poodle: i'm doodle poodle i'm a poodle who loves to doodle do you know what color this is well i'm a dog so i'm colorblind so i'm gonna say it's a light gray uh close enough okay you know what my favorite color is what it's light gray because that's one of the only colors i can see so aloe she said you wanted to know what my favorite shape is yeah well my favorite shape is a circle oh my favorite shape is also a circle oh we long lost brothers

Aloysious J. Pig: oh sorrry maddie oh his favorite color is a circle and uh i loooooove a appropriate number

Doodle Poodle: and his favorite color is blue

Oliver: just calm down we have two dogs we do have two dogs but neither of them are poodles aren't poodles

Natty Bumpercar: Or really know how to draw.

Oliver: Yeah, they do not know how to doodle.

Natty Bumpercar: No, they do not. So, did you figure… I heard your favorite color is blue. Your favorite shape is a circle?

Unknown: Yes.

Natty Bumpercar: How do you feel about cylinders? I know, I think they said we weren't going to do 3D shapes, but… If we're already here, we might as well.

Oliver: They're like circles.

Natty Bumpercar: They are a lot like circles.

Oliver: But long.

Natty Bumpercar: But long. They're long circles. Is a hot dog a cylinder?

Oliver: Yeah?

Natty Bumpercar: Ooh. Or is it? I think if you cut the two ends off, then maybe it would be a cylinder? Because, you know, like at the end, it kind of goes down to a curve? I guess, is it a curve? Then what shape do you say it is? I say it's hot dog shaped. I think that's a legitimate shape.

Oliver: Okay, then.

Natty Bumpercar: If you're out in nature, and you see something that's that shape, what are you going to call it? Oh, it looks like a hot dog.

Unknown: Yes.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay. So, we did colors, and we did shapes. What else is left? Do you have a favorite letter? Wait, real quick. How many letters… How many letters are there? Uh, 26. Hold on. 26?

Doodle Poodle: God, I don't know. I'm looking it up.

Aloysious J. Pig: Is he counting? Hold on. That doesn't count. If he's going to count… Q-Q-L-L-B-P-N-O-O-Z-Z. Uh, Aloysius A-B-C.

Oliver: Yeah, it's 26. 26?

Aloysious J. Pig: 26? Oh, hold on. He's forgetting the secret letters. The secret letters of the alphabet. The letters that we only learned in law school. That's right. Legal lawyers know about the secret letters that exist that other people don't even understand or believe in or know for certain. You know, it's how we are able to charge you extra money. Because they say, why does my lawyer cost me so much money? And it's because of the training that I've received. You understand? The training to understand things you could never understand.

Oliver: Okay, then what are the secret letters?

Aloysious J. Pig: Are you a lawyer?

Unknown: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Doodle Poodle, give me that piece of paper over there. I'm going to show him some of the secret letters.

Doodle Poodle: Okay. Here you go. Bringing you a piece of paper. Here you go.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right. Let's see here. Now, does anybody have a pen? Anybody got a rod and utensil that might work? Rufus, he's not a lawyer. He's an 11-year-old child who started the episode by saying that he couldn't even work here. Because? He's 11. You were part of that conversation. So now, at what point did you lose the thread? Did you get confused and you start thinking?

Oliver: Wait, Pig, how do you know that? You came up to the part where we were talking about shapes and colors.

Aloysious J. Pig: Bro, I'm over there in the studio with Producer. Can you tap in, Producer, to say something?

Producer: Yeah, I was interested in what's going on. I was listening to the episode. In the episode, the child's name was, he said, he just said, your name is Toby? What's your name? Wally, Wally, Willie, Willie, Wally, Toby? I don't know. Anyway, this child, he was talking and Aloysius was sitting next to me so he could hear everything. And he said, like, oh, you know, I'm 11. I can't work here. Meanwhile, I don't know. I'm a frog, man. I'm a frog and I work every day. You know, so it's like, for you to come in and start saying things like, I'm a, I'm just a baby child. It's just kind of, you know, whatever.

Aloysious J. Pig: Producer, be nice to him. Let's bump a guy's kid.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, thanks, Pig. Sorry about that, Ollie. Producer can get a little bit spicy sometimes.

Oliver: Okay. I'm going to go get a pen.

Natty Bumpercar: You're going to go get a pen? Yes. What for? You don't know? I was going to get a pen to write something. Okay. Well, don't walk too far because, you know, you are attached to everything. So I guess Bumper Podcast Couture is what we learned today. We learned that it's raining a lot. We learned, oh, I don't know if we learned this, but if you want to listen to the Bumper Podcast, you can go to Radio Free Montclair, which is a fun nonprofit radio station in the town next to me, and you can listen. And if you want to hire Oliver, I think you're pretty much out of luck because he is taking himself off the job market, and his job is just to be the most adorable sweet child ever.

Robot: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at http://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

August 8, 2024
Bumperpodcast #445 – Season 3 – Boliver

Tune in to the latest episode of the Bumperpodcast, the beloved improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this hilarious installment, Natty Bumpercar is joined by the young and energetic Boliver. As the episode unfolds, familiar faces like Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig make their entrances, turning the chat into a comedic whirlwind. The gang discusses the latest happenings in Coffee-Can Alley, delivering laughs and surprises with their trademark wit and spontaneity. Don’t miss this fun-filled episode that captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast’s unique humor and charm.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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Transcription

Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 445, Natty Bumpercar brings in a fresh face after the chaotic previous week – his son Ollie joins the show as a guest co-host. After a mishap involving a hanging chair accident, the conversation flows from beach adventures and fish poop to the invention of "swim-jamas" – pajamas you can swim in. The duo brainstorm absurd ideas including throwing kids in washing machines to get clean. When Rufus T. Rufus shows up, things take a hilarious turn as Ollie interviews for his first job as the podcast's security guard, despite having zero experience in surveillance. This charming, silly episode showcases the improvised father-son banter that makes Bumperpodcast a delightfully ridiculous family comedy.

Memorable Quotes

“I have practice fighting people… the practice is my brother every time he barges in my room.”
— Ollie

“We would hose you off once a week to get the stink out. And it'd be great.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“What happened to all the people who was talking last week? Well, we had to get rid of them.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #summer #beach #swimming #family #firstjob #inventions #fatherson #interview

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Ollie, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well that was loud huh yes yeah oh wait who are you your son oh that's nice remember you gotta face up that way oh right yeah um well everybody after the terrible episode of last week we have decided to start fresh get rid of all the characters and um we have brought in this new gentleman uh how's it going uh pretty good i fell from what's that thing called again like it's a hammock um yeah okay yeah ollie is in the studio here and i have one of those chairs that hangs from the ceiling and you can sit in it it's like a swing and it's soft and comfy and great and while i was over here getting the wires set up and getting everything um ready he was on the chair i'll let you take it from there i was spinning around in it and then it just fell you were oh wait a minute you were spinning interesting i didn't know that part now i feel like it's operator error nothing okay you know what that means um no i was just trying to say was all your fault what you never learned how to float i did you years of my life trying to teach you the the the magic of floating and you just fell right to the ground well okay then you float i mean i can't right now because the equipment and it would mess everything up but i you know yeah late later later we'll do i'll do i'll show you some and for me it's tough because i can only do it at night when people really can't see so you know i'll but i'll do it tonight

Ollie: interesting

Natty Bumpercar: interesting right now what did you do yesterday uh we went to the beach i love the beach did you have fun yeah what did you do went in the water oh you went into the water yes do you know what what's in the water do you know what happens in the water uh there's fish poop in the water i was i wasn't gonna I wasn't going to go there, but wow. This is a kid's show, Ollie. And you're over here talking about fish. They go into the bathroom. Oh, I don't even know what to think. You are correct. I guess there is probably some fish poop somewhere. But so were there waves?

Ollie: Yes.

Natty Bumpercar: Big waves?

Ollie: Yes.

Natty Bumpercar: And did you, like, play with them, jump at them?

Ollie: Yeah, I jumped at them. Sometimes I jumped over them. Over? Yeah, I jumped through them at least. I don't know how to say it.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, like you would dive through the waves?

Ollie: Yeah, and then a bigger wave would come, and then I would just be under the water.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I saw you get knocked over a few times.

Ollie: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Did it hurt?

Ollie: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Now. What hurt worse? Getting knocked over by the waves or having the chair drop you on the ground?

Ollie: The chair.

Natty Bumpercar: The chair. Yeah, that makes sense. Why are you here today? Shouldn't you be at your job?

Ollie: It was a snow day.

Natty Bumpercar: It's June. It's June, and you were at the beach yesterday? And I'm supposed to believe that it's… It's now a snow day?

Ollie: Uh, because it's summer, maybe?

Natty Bumpercar: Is it summer?

Ollie: Yes, it is summer.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh. Oh. Interesting. So you're not going to go, um, to Australia?

Ollie: Uh, no.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. All right. Uh, you're not going to take that trip to the moon?

Ollie: No.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Uh, what are your big plans for the summer?

Ollie: Um, more swimming.

Natty Bumpercar: More swimming. All right. Do you think you're going to wear pajamas the entire summer?

Ollie: Maybe.

Natty Bumpercar: Um, are there such things as swim-jamas?

Ollie: No.

Natty Bumpercar: And if there's not, should we invent them?

Ollie: Maybe. I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, so then you could…

Ollie: Could we?

Natty Bumpercar: Wake up, you're wearing your swim-jamas, you hop in the pool, and then you get out, and you're still… You're still wearing your swim-jamas?

Ollie: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

Natty Bumpercar: And they're, like, nice and soft, but they also dry really quickly.

Ollie: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. And they could be, like, uh, second skin. You just never take them off.

Ollie: Well, wouldn't they get really stinky and dirty?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I mean, you'd wear them in the shower. We'd hose… We would hose you off once a week to get the stink out. And, uh, it'd be great.

Ollie: I have a better idea for how we could get the stink off.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Okay. I'm open. You know I'm… I love ideas. I'm open to ideas. So what is your idea?

Ollie: Uh… To throw me in the washing machine?

Natty Bumpercar: Wait a minute. That's actually not a bad idea. As long as we don't use the, um, hot water, then I think we'll be okay.

Ollie: Yeah. I think… I think that's a good idea.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, your hair would get clean. I bet your teeth would get clean. Like, everything. It'd be amazing.

Ollie: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Why don't we invent a, um… I don't know. Like, a… A thing that kids can get into that will make them clean. Um… What will we call it?

Ollie: Hmm. Maybe a bath?

Natty Bumpercar: A bath? Okay. I was thinking… Outdoor shower? Hmm.

Ollie: What do you think of that? Maybe. That sounds like a good idea.

Natty Bumpercar: Um…

Ollie: So, let me think. You're…

Natty Bumpercar: Uh… Wait. Hold on. Who's that? Hey, uh… He… Uh…

Rufus T. Rufus: Who's… Who's the kid? Who's the kid? What's he doing here? Hey. I ain't seen you in a long time. What's going on, bud? Uh… Not a lot. Hold on. Hey, pig.

Ollie: Are you…

Natty Bumpercar: Do you see Ollie? He's over here? Yeah. Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: I was just talking to him. He's on a microphone? Why? What happened to all the people who was talking last week? Well, we had to get rid of them. Ollie, did you listen to the episode from last week? Yeah. What did you think?

Natty Bumpercar: Chaos. Well, uh… Hey. This is, uh… Rufus. T. Rufus. The lawyer. And I gotta say, I also, uh… Made an attempt to listen to him.

Ollie: Uh… Uh…

Rufus T. Rufus: Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh… Uh…

Natty Bumpercar: like i would see people and uh very excitedly i would say did you listen to the uh last episode of the bumper podcast and they would be like yeah and i'd be like it was really bad right and they wondered why i was so excited you know i i think we need to improve the security

Rufus T. Rufus: is there is there any security anyway who's gonna be security i don't know do we have anybody

Ollie: that we could what is what was that like siri just activate i don't i was i heard something

Rufus T. Rufus: maybe maybe she wants to be security is that i don't think she'd be very good security yeah um are you do you want to take over the job possibly oh okay okay now if you was secure

Producer: this is your interview all right all right hold on we're gonna start doing interviews okay hold on i just want to make sure i can record all of this um alec can you talking to the microphone okay oh that's perfect it's actually really wonderful okay you can play

Rufus T. Rufus: a scene with your interview um thanks producer so uh what are your qualifications um i have practice fighting people you have practice uh fighting people yeah the practice is my brother every time he barges in my room oh so you're skilled in the arts yeah you're of fighting yeah but it doesn't get into a room often yeah all right so he gets into your room often now do you have any kind of experience with surveillance no okay you know there's no right or wrong answer to any of these questions i'm just kind of making sure we cover every every everything do you have an idea of a salary

Natty Bumpercar: that you would like um hold on pig did ollie do you know what uh salary is uh a type of food ah no that would be celery um yeah so salary is like how much do you get paid in a year oh yeah so do you have any he was asking like how much would you like to get paid a year yeah that's typically how they how they do it uh 200 hold on two hundred dollars yeah

Rufus T. Rufus: did he just say 200 i think we got that in the budget for the whole year yeah it's like this 500 days in the year so he's getting paid like uh what a quarter a day uh yeah hold on rufus is any of this legal well hold on now how old is is is is the boy um that's counting hold on 11 you're 11 years old uh i gotta look into the law baby mom i got a whole table lot

Natty Bumpercar: everything planned out and we gotta take care love don't worry about this breecık uh halfway across the street my love if you want wes a free camera maybe show it to model

Ollie: i'll take care j driver but i'm pretty sure it's uh not gonna be a problem wow ollie it sounds like it you got first uh summer job are you excited yeah uh oh security for the bumper vehicles finally i can't believe you have a future ahead of you what do you think i'm happy you're happy you're happy whoop whoop whoop whoop um might i talk to pigs again we'll talk to pigs someday

Producer: the pig for a second. The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

June 25, 2024
Bumperpodcast #433 – Season 3 – Bagel

Welcome to the Bumperpodcast, the uproarious improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical world of Coffee-Can Alley! In this hilarious episode, beloved characters Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle are in for a wild ride as they welcome the quirky and tech-savvy cousin of Producer, Engineer. Brace yourself for laughter as Robot makes a memorable return, adding to the comedic chaos that unfolds.

Just when you think things can’t get any wackier, the confusion reaches a new level when Natty unexpectedly stops by at the end of the episode. As the gang navigates through a series of unpredictable and humorous situations, you’re in for an entertaining rollercoaster of laughter and confusion. Don’t miss out on the fun and adventure in this unscripted and laugh-out-loud episode of the Bumperpodcast!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

Podcast: Download | Embed
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About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Producer brings in his cousin Engineer to help fix the podcast equipment that hasn't worked since being recovered. Things get hilariously complicated when Aloysious J. Pig demands to understand the bizarre frog naming convention system in Producer's swamp, leading to an absurd argument about bagels. Engineer accidentally plugs in Robot, who had been intentionally unplugged, and Rufus T. Rufus inadvertently makes Robot cry when explaining the situation. Meanwhile, Doodle Poodle tries to make sense of everyone's strange behavior, and Pig keeps threatening to call Rufus "Mr. Bagel" despite his heated protests. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational chaos and character dynamics.

Memorable Quotes

“Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer.”
— Producer

“You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.”
— Robot

Topics: #equipmentmalfunction #family #namingconventions #bagels #workplacecomedy #technology #miscommunication #frogs

Featuring: Producer, Doodle Poodle, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Producer: so you know i don't want to talk about it too much but we do have a bit of a situation here you know it's kind of serious and i feel you know it's kind of uh hey producer it's me doodle poodle

Doodle Poodle: i just wanted to talk to you let's see what's going on because everybody's acting kind of weird

Producer: yeah i guess i do agree with everybody's second first round you know what is going on and how everybody's acting and it's it's i don't i don't really have much of the background but you know it's kind of a little bit yeah what do you do producer you know you can't say that word you

Aloysious J. Pig: know it's gonna oh come on a second oh it's like it's like bees to honey somebody you okay so just forget forget you heard forget you heard anything okay we're just trying to i don't know we're getting the equipment back set up we're trying to figure these things out because all the you know the the plugs and the dials and the bells and the the the the the the belts there's bells and there's belts and uh nothing's working it seems yeah so ever since we got the equipment back

Producer: nothing is a is a has been uh working and so i actually uh if you don't mind i apologize but i brought my cousin in and he's gonna i think maybe do a little bit of help with us

Aloysious J. Pig: we're getting everything i said well now i hope we don't do we have a contract with this cousin of yours do we have to pay any kind of uh anything you know because i don't know if we have uh any money in the coffers and not to be uh hiring outside help is what i'm trying to say yeah you

Doodle Poodle: know i don't think we're supposed to hire any because we don't nobody does anybody get paid here nobody gets paid here do they please to please tell me nobody gets paid i i've never gotten paid

Producer: hi everybody it's me i am a engineer i am a producer's cousin it's wonderful to meet all of

Aloysious J. Pig: you what in the world is going on in that swamp is everybody just like uh you're a producer so you're gonna be a producer you're an engineer so you're gonna be an engineer and how does that because it seems like it gets confusing because somebody says oh hey hey it's you your name is engineer and then you don't get confused are you gonna be like uh a choo-choo uh on the train engineer are you going to be you know how does this all work well you know these a lot of frogs

Producer: you know the ted pose and every season there's a there's really a big number of us frogs that they're kind of coming to the world and so the only way they figured out how to make it make any scenes at all was if they were like okay you know what this this one's going to be a baker so we're going to call him baker and then this one over here is going to be um really good at the drums and so we're going to call him drum drummer drummer i guess drummer yeah and so you know just to kind of keep everything up okay okay hell what what producer said is true um so i um was was born and was called producer wait a minute and uh it didn't work out because my cousin yeah he was already producing and so then they changed me over to be an engineer what can i help you with uh

Aloysious J. Pig: wow your your speech patterns have they are they're very interesting now uh what i'm trying to figure out here so if i was a little tadpole and i was a frog and i was i was i was i was born i sit Y'all are born, is that how it works?

Producer: Yeah, of course we're born, of course, yes. You know, that works, okay?

Aloysious J. Pig: So if I'm born, do I already have my hat on? Do I already know all the legalese? Are they just going to call, you know, Frog Rufus? Are they just going to call me a lawyer or something like that?

Producer: Well, it kind of depends because as an engineer is just telling you, like when he was born, he was called a producer, but then they had to look and they found they'd produced, I was already a producer. So what we do is, you know, if you were born and there's no lawyer, then, you know, you could be the lawyer. But if there's a lawyer, then you're not the lawyer, okay? You could become, I don't know, like Mr. Bagel. You make the bagel. They go, I love bagel. You go, okay, I guess I'm going to make the bagel.

Aloysious J. Pig: That don't make no sense. I don't even, I don't even, I don't even, I don't understand bagels. I don't like bagels and I just, I refuse. I don't want to be bagel. You ain't going to call me bagel. You can call me bagel one more time, producer. I'm going to talk. We're going to have a talk. Settle down, big guy. Settle down, okay? Nobody's calling you bagel. And that was just a scenario that producer was trying to explain to you that if there was already a lawyer, then he just kind of came up with a random thing. Also, what is your problem with bagels? I don't understand. What's your beef, huh? What's your damage, huh? What's getting your blood hot, huh? I can't think of any other answer.

Producer: That's all I got. I was just looking. I was looking because I was communicating and evidently we don't currently have a bagel man. So, you know, if you do want to be a bagel, then you can be a bagel, I suppose.

Aloysious J. Pig: I don't, why are we even still talking about that? I was told that that was a scenario that was made up just to expose, a situation, structure that is inevitable and equitable in frog land. And I'm not a frog. And I am, I'm Rufus, T. Rufus. I'm a lawyer, clearly, a man of the law. I am a book learned and ready to go into a courtroom and assert myself. But I, again, I do not like bagels. Oh, come on. And I would not appreciate. Y'all calling me a bagel. All right. And I just do not do it. All right. Cool. So I guess we're not going to call you bagel. Okay. But what I don't, what I've never heard anyone get so agitated, so angry about a bagel. Like, what is your problem? Bagels are delicious. Do you know how many flavors they come in and how much stuff you can put on those flavors? I mean, it's, it's, it's limitless is what I'm saying. And, oh, whoa. There's like crisps. They're kind of, you know, hot on the outside where they boil them. And then on the inside, they're just so warm and just delicious. And are you kidding me?

Robot: Hey, everybody. It's me, Robot. I haven't been here in a long, long, long time. But I heard you were talking about bagels.

Producer: Wait, wait. No, no. Stop. Somebody likes a bagel. You're a specialist. You're supposed to be unplugged, Robot. Who, who, who, who de-unplugged you? Who plugged you in and who, why, who, who woke the robot up is what I'm saying. Now, I may have, might have, could have been the one to plug him back in, you know? But why would, you can't just go, you're, why you can't just go around plugging robots in and all this random stuff. You know, we have a set list of things. We have a set list of things that we do need help with, all the podcast equipment. But I, why are you, you can't just plug in all this, like a robot, and you don't even know anything about these robots, right? All I know is that I'm an engineer, and I saw a piece of machinery right over there, and it was evidently not working. And so I said, you know, I think I see how to fix this. And then I just plugged it in, and look at this, all of a sudden. We have ourselves a little robot now, don't we?

Robot: Oh, we sure do. Thank you so much, engineer. I wish you were here the whole time. Because then, I would have been working this whole time, and I would have been on the podcast.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now listen, I'm not saying we're, like, on a strike system, or demerit, or whatever. But that has to be one strike. Against your cousin, producer, because… Well, I, hold on, I can, uh… With all due respect, robot, uh, we, I don't, I can't even say it. No, that's not a, that's not an issue, that's not a problem for me, because I can say it. As the steward of this headquarters here in Coffee Can Alley, as the, uh, the lawyer here at Bumper Podcast, you know, I'm… Here to tell you, robot, that, uh, well, um, you were unplugged intentionally, and, uh, you know, without this engineer frog coming in, I don't know if you would have been plugged back in. I, I don't even understand.

Robot: Why, why would you do that? I thought everybody liked me. I thought that the Bumper Podcast was a nice place where everybody…

Aloysious J. Pig: Great job, Rufus. Great, great, great, great, great job. That's like six greats. You made the robot cry. And you know what happens when robots cry? Now I gotta go get the oil can so it doesn't rust up. So, I, I'll be back, but this is… Okay. You know what? It is what it is. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Um, what's going on? Pig? Where, where are you headed? It's a long story. Robot's back. Uh, this is engineer, producer's cousin or something, and, uh, Rufus made robot cry, and then there's tears, which means… That you have to go get the oil can. I totally understand.

Unknown: Hi, daddy.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hi, robot. How's it going?

Doodle Poodle: Oh, if we're saying hi, it's, hi, daddy. It's me, the little fool. I haven't seen you in a long time. What'd you like for me to make you… Hi, doodle poodle.

Aloysious J. Pig: Wow, we have, uh, everyone here, huh? We've got doodle poodle. We've got robot there. Hi, Rufus. Yeah, I don't think it's in my best interest to say hello, to say anything anymore in this, this particular hanging out episode, whatever we're doing, because, uh, you know, uh, oh, the robot's crying. Oh, Rufus is, you know, he's a, he's a, he's a Mr. Bagel. What? I don't even want to be part of nothing, okay? Wow. Oh, well, okay. Um, wait. We're, we're calling you Mr. Bagel now?

Producer: No, you know, under frog law, you know, he is, he's already a lawyer, and so, you know, we're gonna be, he's gonna officially be Mr. Bagel. Who are, who are you again? Ah, nothing. This is my, uh, cousin. He's an engineer. He's going to help me with some of his equipment and whatnot.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, did somebody say something about frog law? I don't know nothing about no frog law. Well, great. It looks like we're in another predicament, and all this talk about bagels has me starving.

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded. Mixed and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. And hearts. See you soon.

Unknown: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

Robot: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Bumper Podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it, please subscribe to our channel, like us on Facebook, and leave a comment. And if you want to see more of our past episodes, visit our website, nattybumpercar.com.

Unknown: We'll see you next time. Bye for now.

July 28, 2023
Bumperpodcast #425 – Season 3 – Gramps

“Gramps” is an episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the whimsical town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, the show introduces a new character, Gramps, who adds a new layer of humor and craziness to the already lively town. Gramps, with his wild stories and unique personality, quickly becomes a fan favorite.

The episode also features the return of familiar characters such as Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysius J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, and the always reliable Producer. As they all come together, the town of Coffee-Can Alley becomes a hub of comedic chaos as they engage in a series of improvised sketches and scenes. From witty banter to off-the-wall jokes, this episode is sure to have you in stitches. The Bumperpodcast is a celebration of the unexpected, where anything can happen and no two episodes are ever the same.

(I have started using AI to write my show descriptions. They are marvelous!)

Links:

We have started adding the podcast to Youtube with ridiculous background videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzha2MH5Rf6T89JtRPNqbC0UOxRXxyU0v. Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar. Email us at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Cute old stuff:

Another story about saving baby animals!

A feel good story!

Previous episode!

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

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Gramps 0:05
bother. I ain’t got time for nothing. I checked my calendar and schedule is awful up. I don’t have any, any even I don’t even I don’t. I don’t have even any time to even think about doing anything. And hey, girl, Hello,

Natty Bumpercar 0:28
how you doing? What’s

going on? What do you do?

Gramps 0:31
I saw this telephone set up and I was trying to make a phone call to the doctor, because I have to have to go to the doctor. Yeah, well, oh, you have to go to

Natty Bumpercar 0:43
the doctor. Well, that seems like something that we should figure out. Definitely. But we’re not going to do it with that stuff. Because that’s the equipment that we use for the podcast here at

Gramps 0:58
lot is called please hand corner.

Anyway, the kind of headquarters is it?

What are you doing here that you’re like, Oh, I flew. You know, you were raised to be high flow. But looking at your own. I got all my quick man.

Y’all got a headquarters.

I don’t even understand half the words that you even say. What’s up?

Like, toe cat? Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar 1:30
Yeah, so we I don’t know. We started calling it headquarters a long time ago, when we were you know, we’re in coffee. Ken alley here and the adjusters superhero team. The zooper Yeah, the superhero team. They have their headquarters and and so they used to a long time ago actually hanging out here and so I guess now that I think about it, they must have named it headquarters and we just kind of moved in. And as far as Bobcat it’s a podcast, podcast podcast. Oh, it’s just like an old radio show basically kind of year you’re talking to people and you have a show and you talk and you say things and say what kind of thing are you saying?

Gramps 2:14
Are you giving out your your banking information your social security number or recipes? You got some good like maybe for cornbread biscuits? Or are you tired like doing reviews? Like you know, I want cedar in my fire and not pine because Pon

Aloysius J. Pig 2:37
a cramps? What’s going on? What are you doing it? I never seen you in the podcast studio. Pig. Sherry is little ham himself. Yeah. Oh, yes. coming in and talking and talking pig again. Yeah. Good to see you. Yeah, anyway, sorry that I had Bumpercar I’m gonna probably just leave you guys to this today. But there’s a little bug going around the house. So if anybody cook a

Gramps 3:09
cockroach,

Aloysius J. Pig 3:10
no, not like a kaka wrote? Like a upper respiratory sickness. You know, it’s a little bit. Everybody’s a little gunked up right now. So I just want you to watch out for it. Wash your hands. You should probably put a mask on. Oh, look those masks at all? Yes, of course. Cramps of course. But you should be should just take care. Okay. Okay. I’m out. Go back to your star. Yeah.

Gramps 3:37
Back to the star.

Aloysius J. Pig 3:39
One Gramps. Good one. Thanks.

Gramps 3:41
Oh, Natty I don’t know why you hang out with that little man with me. He’s fun everything but he’s a pig. You know, you cannot Yeah, you should like oh, he’s my best friend and he’s a beast pig. You know are people people talk is all I’m saying. You can’t go into town and people are like, Oh, I wonder if he’s gonna issue Granger gonna bring that pig out. I’m like, I don’t I can’t control him. He’s up there in his headquarters, you know, loop de loop

Rufus T. Rufus 4:14
raps what’s going on? It’s me. Rufus tearoom. The lawyer you want to stay now I heard you say looped in with somebody here. Let’s act in a little loop. delu that seems a little loop to Lou to you. Because you know what happens if anyone isn’t familiar loopty loop is the term around here and it’s in the contract course that I drew up because I am a lawyer that states and definitive and to that. If you live too low, then you’re out of the show. Basically Bumpercar was looped to glue at some point and he no longer had control of his faculties we sell say and I had to turn over the keys to the to the show to the bumper podcast. It was a time of growth a time of now.

Gramps 4:58
You owe me money.

Rufus T. Rufus 5:00
What what is that gramps?

Gramps 5:02
Remember, I gave it you alone. And I feel like you owe me so a lot of you owe you a you owe me some money and I would appreciate it if you would. Rate you know,

Rufus T. Rufus 5:19
as they say, give me Well, as I always say natty grams is great to see now I’m busy right now Oh, triple quadruple booked and, and also reading triple books. So I gotta scoot on out of here but always good to see you grabs and we’ll be

Gramps 5:40
watching. You come back. I’m gonna allow

somebody stop. Okay, this is incorrigible. I can’t even believe I’m being treated today. I’m home grown song.

Room studio,

y’all quit mass think and I don’t appreciate none of this. Oh,

Natty Bumpercar 6:06
I’m happy that you stopped by and that you’re here. You know, but this is we’re making a podcast and so I it’s kind of it says, you know, I’m sorry about Rufus owing you money. I wish you were nicer to pig. But

Producer 6:28
naughty, it’s me, our producer. And I noticed that we have the grand the grand man here. And I don’t Is Is he on the podcast today as he levels? Are we should we just I don’t what are we doing? And he stopped the outline for the show. Or anything? Yeah,

Natty Bumpercar 6:49
I I didn’t see the outline.

Gramps 6:53
Tell me that this thing is is recording right now. You’ve had this whole conversation for the last 10 minutes. And it’s being recorded. That’s what I talk about this. There’s cameras everywhere. There’s microphones everywhere there. You’re, you’re out to get us your your generation, your younger generation is out to get us and I don’t appreciate it. I didn’t sign anything. And I don’t want to be recorded.

Producer 7:24
I was wondering if Rufus maybe could help with

Gramps 7:30
roofers, your

Producer 7:32
car seat, sir. Yeah, of course. I know. He does. Take your money from time to time for me that’s been the back No. Well, anyway, I’m so sorry that they confusion I. Normally when people come in, I just start recording because I don’t know when we’re going to, you know, make the podcast or when we’re not. And so I say okay, this looks like my chance. And then I hit the bathroom. And I’m very, you know, apologetic. But I think we’ve done a wonderful job so far. If I’m to be honest,

Gramps 8:07
I am sorry to pop my head back in here. So I don’t mean to interrupt twice now. But did I hit something about scripts? Like our outlines? I didn’t know we were starting to do that kind of stuff. Are we going to start having scripts? Because that actually seems like it might be work. And I don’t know if I’m into that is what I’m trying to. I have my hands up and I’m rolling them out. I’m saying I am pointing at myself. I don’t know both hands pointing at you. If I both again, it may am into that. And that’s me putting my hands up like whoa, I don’t that’s if this is just me showing up and saying jibber jabber up on it. You know this. If this is me, having to sit down with you guys at a writers table

Aloysius J. Pig 8:51
who’s you don’t know about

Gramps 8:53
me like

maybe friend is just a layabout. He doesn’t even want to work for anything. He just expects the world to come to him and I say that’s not how it works. In my day, if I wanted to eat, I had to walk up a mountain, cross a river and then into a valley and then wrestle a bear and then get the map to where the food was from the bear and then go to the frozen tundra because the food was there because that’s where it was kept cold it makes sense and I put it in my satchel and then we’ll go all the way back okay give a little bit to the bear because I feel bad that’s wrestling with a very nice and then heated up it would I would go three weeks in between my meal three weeks, really three four times a year I would eat.

Natty Bumpercar 9:54
I I don’t want to question you, but I don’t know think that that the stories that I’ve heard this aren’t, this isn’t true, maybe I mean, like, you can’t go three weeks without eating. I don’t know what you would do you wouldn’t do well, and then just say you only ate three or four times a year, even four times a year that would that would say at that three weeks a clip that’s 12 weeks. So that’s that’s that’s only full. Let’s do the math. Three months. I I again, I’m not questioning you. You have you. i Oh, I don’t

Gramps 10:38
that eats me doodle total. Time. Who makes drawings? Hey, doodle. Hey, Grant was

talking dog. You’re talking frog? Talking ping? It

is played? It’s like the Berenstein No,

I can’t remember what it’s called.

Natty Bumpercar 11:03
The Bremen Town Musicians, which was a favorite book of mine growing up and there was Davis chicken and there’s cat and there was a dog and maybe trying to think a goat. Maybe a horse. I don’t remember. But yeah, I know what you’re talking about. But there was a lot of animals in that good catch. Hey, Judo poodle. Thanks so much for stopping by. That’s very weirdly well timed for you. Could you maybe do me a favor and see if gramps wants to go with you to your studio to maybe you could show him some of your some of your doodles some of your artwork

Doodle Poodle 11:38
just sounds like the best idea that I’ve ever heard in my life. Would you be interested in baby going away studio checking out some of my amazing

Gramps 11:57
genius gonna send me away with this talk and dog high pitched voice to his art studio.

Sees doodles.

Natty Bumpercar 12:09
I think that’d be nice.

Gramps 12:11
I don’t know about this. Well, I

Natty Bumpercar 12:13
just I want you to if you’re gonna be hanging around, I want you to meet some of the other people here at headquarters. And I mean, it’s not like you have a lot on your schedule. Anyway, isn’t.

Gramps 12:23
That reminds me my schedule is so JAM PACKED again do anything.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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February 10, 2023