Tag: communication

Bumperpodcast #459 – Season 3 – Zeitgeist

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Aloysius explains a phenomenal new idea for the podcast – you can’t wait to hear it!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, and Producer spontaneously break into an improvised song that quickly devolves into comedic chaos. The crew discusses trying group therapy to reduce their on-air fighting, but the conversation takes an unexpected turn when Rufus reveals he's gotten caught up in a suspicious mobile game. After accidentally giving away his credit card information to a game about planetary princesses, Rufus has moved on to a communication-based social experiment game where he plays as "Kool Cat" (spelled K-U-L-K-A-T). The episode hilariously escalates as Rufus explains the game's bizarre mechanics—starting with just blinking and sighing, then graduating to simple emotional lines—and concludes with the shocking revelation that he believes he's fallen in love within this strange digital world.

Memorable Quotes

“I think it's okay to have fun and for it not to be perfect. And if it's a little silly, or if you make mistakes, because that's kind of how you learn, is by doing.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I gave up my sandwich for this? I could have stayed over in the kitchen, is what I'm saying.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“The big news here, everybody is in this game, this communication games. Well, I think that I have fallen in love.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #improvisedmusic #friendship #onlinegames #scams #therapy #communication #socialmedia #identity

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Producer, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh no oh is it happening i'm not sure hey aloysius yeah get on over here what is this

Aloysious J. Pig: it sounds like a song yeah i'm rolling rolling rolling everybody knows i'm rolling rolling i'm a ball i'm a ball i'm up on the hill and i'm rolling go hey paul are you a chicken i think

Natty Bumpercar: that you're a chicken everybody knows that i love little chicken hey everybody slow everybody just

Rufus T. Rufus: think this song could be great if you don't say stupid stuff um no you're in my head and i don't

Doodle Poodle: know what to say i love the music and i love the beat but i don't know what to say i agree this was

Natty Bumpercar: fun but then all of a sudden there's rules and stuff and i don't know what i'm supposed to do and i don't know what i'm supposed to say is this dumb i feel like this is dumb am i being dumb right now yeah

Rufus T. Rufus: okay if you gotta ask then you're probably being dumb if you gotta ask this you know the song is done how about that producer shut it down now wow you know that was that was fun we haven't done a little song like that in a long time so i understand we're a little bit out of practice but honestly uh producer that the the the the the the beats the jams the rhythm it was all so much fun i was i was astounded by it great job yeah no i heard uh i was i was a little bit out of my mind I was over in the kitchen, right? I was going to make myself a little sound. And I heard a calamity over here, the ruckus, if you will, the music. And I said to myself, I'm going to hold off on this sandwich and go see what everybody's up to over in the studio. And I came over, and y'all looked so happy, smiling, and your head's bopping to the beat. And then I stopped listening to the words, what you're saying, and I said, I gave up my sandwich for this? This is what I can't, I could have stayed over in the kitchen, is what I'm saying. Yeah, well, again, I was having fun.

Natty Bumpercar: I think it's okay to have fun and for it not to be perfect. And if it's a little silly, or if you make mistakes, because that's kind of how you learn, is by doing. And we haven't done a song in so long.

Rufus T. Rufus: And then right when we came in, I heard the music, and I was like, this, let's, you know, I didn't expect it, and I didn't know it was going to happen, but was I excited? Yes, very. And was I ready? Not so much. I don't even have my rhyme book. You guys, if I'm to be honest, I don't even, I didn't bring it in today. You know, I brought these receipts. I brought, this seems to be a candy wrapper. This is a napkin. I just, I have garbage. I have garbage in my pocket here, but I don't have my rhymes. So, you know, I just kind of went with it, and I don't know. Now, Natty? This is, I hear you. This is all valid. I appreciate you.

Producer: Um. Yeah, it's really, you guys are doing great with the therapy, right? We're doing group therapy, and so sometimes we all get together, and we talk, you know? And so we were trying to figure out how to not fight on the podcast as much, and we, so we, so now what we're going to do is we're going to bring in another person, a third party, and talk to them about it so that we could kind of, you know, stop, again, fighting on the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Wait, you guys actually did that? I thought that was a joke. I thought, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw the message come across, you know, but what happens with me is, on my devices, you know, I'll be there playing the games with the, you know, it's like a, I don't know, some sort of word game, but there's like little animals, and there's like, you have to do, it's a fun game. They say it tests your mind. It brings elasticity to your brain, and so I was sitting there playing, and bloop, there goes a message, right? And it said, uh, uh, uh, schedule group, uh, group therapy bumper podcast. And I, and I said, oh, well, now this is interesting. And I went to click on it, and it had already disappeared. And what happens, I clicked an, an, an advertisement, and, uh, I guess the game, uh, is, you've got these little ads, so you don't got to pay for it necessarily. And, and then all of a sudden, I'm in this space game, and it's like, you got to save the, the princess, the planet, the princess of planets or something, planets of princesses. And I said, oh, my word, you know, and I got into it, because I, I, you know, you throw me into a situation like that, and I'm going to step up, because that's what I do. And, and I, you know, I said, all right, let's go. And then, uh, honestly, uh, it was an ad that you couldn't even, I felt like I was playing, but I, nothing, I wasn't controlling nothing. But what I did was I went in, I played the game, I gave them my credit card information, and, uh, they, they took it very willingly, I'll say. And, uh, now the game has turned into, uh, me, uh, working with my bank and trying to, to, well, they took, they took everything, the, the, the, the princess planets. They took all my, all my money. And, uh. Rufus? What were we talking about? Okay, Rufus, okay. We're going to, we're going to put a pin in that, because we're going to, we have, obviously got to come back to, um, hmm, you giving out your credit card information and now losing all of the, your money. Um, oh, pig, I thought we were supposed to, like, cut him off from the, um, the outside stuff. I thought it was just, you know, the games are fine, but as long as they just are on the phone and they're not, you know, whatever, going around into the world, you're not, you're not, like, talking to anybody on these games, are you? Well, I mean, it's not so much as a, as a, as a talk. Uh, I'm happy to say I didn't cross that line. But what it is, is they make you a, a, a, an avatar. You know, I, you see you sit there and you can design it. And I put, uh, look at me. I'm like a, a, a kitten is what my, I made it. It's orange, got some stripes, you know. I put some fun of glasses on them, fun of hat. And, uh, I named them. Now, hold on. It's Kool Cat, but with all, with all, it's K-U-L-K-A-T. Yeah, Kool, Kool. It looks like it says Kull Cat, but, uh, the regular Kool Cat was taken, and Kool Cat, uh, all the way up to 49 was taken. Kool Cat 1, Kool Cat 2, all the way. And so I said, all right, let's, let's mix this up a little bit. And so what I did was, uh, K-O-O-L Cat, uh, and that was also taken way up into the numbers. And I said, all right, let's kind of mix this up a little bit. And then I figured out, uh, U can sound, if you do it right, if you look at it, you know, kind of to the side, that U, it's going to sound like the, the, uh, ooh, right? So Kool, Kool Cat was my name. Okay, stop, stop. So I think we've, we've, again, we've lost the thread here a little bit. So are you speaking to, are the people, are you talking to people online? Is, is this something where you're communicating with your, uh, Kool Cat? Well, no, so I didn't, I did not, uh, pay for this, this part of it. So I, I did not speak necessarily because you gotta, you know, I gotta, I think you gotta be a level 1700 or whatever it is to unlock the microphone, you know? And that's when I think the communication really starts. But what they allow you to do early on in the game so that you can build a communication, is you take your avatar, again, I'm Kool Cat, and you can type in and you can say like, well, okay, you actually can't even type in at the, at the state, I'm looking forward. Now, what I can do is I can just choose little, little word like bubbles, you understand? And so I can click it and it goes like, yee-haw, right? Yee-haw, like that. And, uh, and you can do one and it just goes, wah-wah. Like a sad thing, right? So right now I'm at, I'm at kind of the base of communication. Yeah. But that's why I know that this is real. Well, so I don't, okay. There's a lot to unpack here. Um, so you are communicating, but it's just through, uh, basic phrases. How many, how many phrases do you have unlocked? Do you unlock more phrases as you go? Yeah, yeah. The higher the levels, or the more you pay, the, the, the more you can communicate. Yeah. This is actually, this whole thing, this game, they built it. It's around, uh, communicating with people all around the world. I have, I have friends. I have a friend in, uh, Bengalidoo. I have a friend in, uh, uh, Washon, I think it is. Uh, uh, there's places just all around. I don't even know if these places are real, but that's just what it says under the name, you understand? So I don't even know if I'm talking to actual people or not. Uh, just, just a quick search. I looked up, uh, Bengalidoo, not a place. There is a place called Washon, but that's as, it's as like a series of restaurants. There's like Washon 1, Washon 17, the real Washon, the original Washon. So I, that, I don't know if it's an actual place, but it is, it is, uh, there are things that come up if I search for that. Uh, so, um, back, is this the person that took your, your, your credit card information and your money and everything? Oh, good job, Pig. Let's, yeah, good. Get him back on track. Uh, so Rufus, um, is, is, is this the game that you put your information in or, or is this a different game? Well, again, this, this one here is not really a game so much as a, as a social experiment is what they say. They say we're going to take communication back to its root, right? You know, cause when you first start, you don't even have these phrases. You just, it's like, uh, there's, there's some lines, right? There's like one that's like bent down and that looks like a sad face. Just, just, just a bent down line. And so you can walk up to people and depending on your day, how you're feeling, you just click that little line. Sometimes it's a happy effect, you know, just a smile looks like, and then sometimes it's, you know, and that's where you start off. Right. And I forgot before that you actually, you get, uh, you just go up to people and blink. That's, that's the, the, the first one is you, you can go up to people. And you can blink or you can sigh. And that's the first step, I believe. I, I don't hate the concept. If I'm to be honest, I kind of like, you know, cause I think communication in society is a little bit broken right now. So maybe this is what we need to do. We need to take it all the way back to where you just, you can, you can walk by people and you can blink and you can throw up a little line. Maybe it's an, you know, maybe a straight up and down is like an exclamation point. Like, whoa, you know, like that. Or maybe, uh, yeah, you got your sad, you got your happy. Cause like, right. I think maybe there's just too much going on and people don't know how to express it. And so we need to take them back to, uh, you know, almost like babies. Just be like, I go, go, you know, whatever you say like that. And, oh, you know, just like take it and have people figure that stuff out before they keep talking to each other. Right. Yeah. I, I mean, I, I, I, from that perspective, I kind of like it, but we have to get back to the credit cards and the money and, and, and everything. The else that's going on. So, um, Rufus, if you could, I guess, just give your phone to producer. Cause he's kind of our technical genius and, and we'll, we'll, we'll sort this out. We'll, we'll call the bank. We'll get that all fixed up. And, oh, what? Well, um, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Uh, and I think it's a good plan to get the phone to produce it. Cause I've actually locked myself out. And the, the big news here, everybody is in this game, this communication games. Well, I think that I have fallen in love.

Robot: The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty bumper car and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show. And you'd like to help support the podcast. Check out our Patreon page at HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty bumper car. Also pretty, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley. It's recorded mixed and produced by producers. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius, J pig, Rufus, T Rufus, doodle poodle, robot trunks, and a gag, all of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty bumper car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumper car.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty bumper car. Hugs and hearts. See you soon. See you soon.

September 18, 2025
Bumperpodcast #456 – Season 3 – Sorry Slope

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty decides that everyone should start being nice to each other which leads to some heartfelt apologies.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Podcast: Download | Embed
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About This Episode

In episode 456 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and the gang attempt something unusual: being nice to each other. After a listener points out they can't remember an episode where the characters were actually nice, Natty decides it's time to change things up. The episode features Natty, Rufus T. Rufus, and Producer navigating the awkward territory of polite conversation and apologies. Rufus explains his theory about the dangerous "sorry slope" and why he refuses to apologize for anything, while the crew attempts to make amends for how they treated Producer and the new microphone in the previous episode. This hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt episode explores the comedy of forced niceness and why saying sorry can be so difficult for some puppets.

Memorable Quotes

“That's what I call the sorry slope. The second you put your foot on the sorry slope you could get stuck, you could get pulled all the way down.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“When you hang out with people all the time you don't ask them how they're doing because you just see them all the time and so you know.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“It's okay to say you're sorry. It doesn't make you less of a person, it actually makes you more of a person.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #friendship #apologies #communication #conflictresolution #awkwardsocialsituations #niceness #microphone

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so today i think we're going to be nice which is different for us because sometimes we're not as nice as we should be and somebody pointed out to me that they don't even remember an episode where we were actually nice to each other and i i take that as a problem you know something to fix so hey guys how's it going no that didn't feel right hey no okay hey pig what what like that

Rufus T. Rufus: sup hey sup with you uh yeah i think it's fine it'll be easy to be nice to each other right the uh the weather is uh dreary outside it's cloudy it's kind of gray uh the ground seems to be marshy uh so that's fun really gets everyone's attention and uh so i think it's fine i think it's fine i think it's fine i think it's in the spirit uh and uh the kids are about to be home from school for the rest of the summer so that's gonna be very pleasant very happy times everybody's thrilled with that uh yeah oh boy so uh i guess i'll ask the question uh natty how are you doing i mean it just sounds so weird when we

Natty Bumpercar: i don't know when we say when we say hi to each other or we like it sounds what is it disingenuous is the word i'm looking for uh which is strange because we hang out all the time but i guess we don't normally just ask i guess when you hang out with people all the time you don't ask them how they're doing because you just you see them all the time and so you know in one way it could be annoying where if i see you several times a day and i'm like how are you doing they're like back off still doing the same but you're actually making me kind of agitated so in that instance you're trying to be nice by asking someone how they're doing and i'm like how are you doing how they're doing but i guess they're just being asked too much is that what it is it's like a there's must there's some social contractor oh okay yeah all right hello rufus yeah hey there

Rufus T. Rufus: now i heard you talking about a social contract and as you know i'm the one around here who loves to to facilitate to uh possibilitate to uh recreate and to uh designate and never deviate from uh the contracts from the from the the letters of the law from the structure of the pen to the paper you understand there's indentations there's bullet points there's the little things that are inside bullet points like hollow bullet points and then sometimes i've seen it where people go bullet point indent hollow bullet point in dent you go back to a bullet point what world is that even i'm gonna get confused i gotta get my glasses on okay so uh i heard everybody talking how is everybody doing it don't feel right it just feels strange for some reason yeah no i i get it um we gotta

Natty Bumpercar: figure that out um you know one thing we could talk about the last episode that we had which i i am so sorry it was a little while ago but if i even bother to tell you how much life has been to me lately um i you would never you would never listen again because you would be too busy being sad um but that's okay because we we we pick ourselves up and we throw ourselves back down the hill once again um it's a grassy hill don't worry so it was hay at the bottom of it so it's okay you just roll and then you're in the hay it's fine uh but the last episode i think that we had um there was a new microphone oh yeah i remember the new microphone right yeah yes and he it i don't remember uh she they they we'll go with they had a lot of problems uh or they caused a lot of problems um i don't remember you know now that i mentioned i don't even remember what it was but i do know that there was a new microphone and that there were issues which is shocking for this show everything normally goes so smoothly and uh goes off without a hitch so you know uh where

Producer: is the new microphone why we're back to the old old stuff yeah so we you know we were really having a problem in the last episode and you know everybody seemed to be having a difficult time and so i was just like

Rufus T. Rufus: hold on i don't even know i apologize i was i didn't keep up with that last part i don't speak frog as fluently as i probably should but it sounded like you said uh or something like that if i got that wrong or right i don't know but i definitely don't even understand what it means or could mean the potential of what it could mean yeah uh producer you i huh we're trying to be nice to everybody in this episode so i'm just gonna stick with that and what what what what did you

Producer: just say well first off i just want to say that i'm all in and behind the um uh the the idea to make this show nice you know when we first started everybody was friends we're all new to each other and we're you know kind of seeing like okay maybe this person can be my friend and then over the years of you know living together and not getting paid and just kind of being around each other all the time and then we went through the the whole thing that we couldn't leave the house for a long time you know it it became very very closed in and yeah you know we maybe don't uh we're not as nice to each other as we as we as we used to to to be um now that's what i was saying about the microphone it was causing a lot of trouble and uh so it's currently in our av closet which is our audio and video closet it's actually a v e audio video equipment so i put it in the description box and i'm going to put it in the description box right now and you know it just i'm trying to test some things out make sure everything is working properly and then you know maybe we'll bring it back in i don't know yeah no that thank

Natty Bumpercar: you producer for uh for doing that as i remember and i don't want to bring up any bad memories but that last episode uh you were really getting it i i don't know who it was from i don't know where it was from but people were seeing this is our episode we're going to be nice not just to each other but we're going to figure out ways that we can be nice to other people which is a crazy concept i know um but i i think i'm going to apologize because i don't remember if i was uh part and parcel part of being mean to you in the last episode and if i was then i uh apologize and i'm gonna see if uh if aloesius if you want uh rufus maybe you guys want to say

Rufus T. Rufus: something to producer yeah sure i also don't really remember the last episode i do remember something about him microphone because it was in the spot where i usually you know put my uh my my cup of water this microphone is hanging from the ceiling that microphone was on the table and so i remember getting very parched and sometimes when i get parched i i lash out a little bit and um you know producer you have a hard job thankless job and i i want to say that i'm also very sorry that uh if and that natty was mean to you in the last episode because you don't deserve that you do a lot of hard work around here right why did you just put

Natty Bumpercar: it back on me like i already did my apology and then you did this big build-up and gave a reason for why you might have been feisty and then you didn't say sorry you just said sorry that i was

Rufus T. Rufus: mean but uh what about you rufus well now in my line of business it's uh it's something it's we don't ever uh start apologizing for nothing because once you say you're sorry now that means you're taking responsibility for something bad that might have happened and you know once you take responsibility the next logical step there is that uh somebody might take advantage of your uh uh having responsibility uh uh having responsibility and the vulnerability that you have then opened up to have to rectify the situation that you were quote end quote sorry about so i will refrain from uh saying those those actual words let me think here but i uh i do feel bad producer at the last episode with the microphone uh again i agree with uh how mean how rude how just unnecessary uh and that it was was to you so i not you know what i will stand up for your rights okay right yeah and maybe he's gonna say he's sorry but i don't know i don't know if he's gonna well i already did i was the first

Natty Bumpercar: one and i actually did say that i was sorry and which fine i'm sorry but i don't know if he's gonna say that i'm sorry but i'm taking responsibility for not being nice that's a good thing okay if you make a mistake or you you are not nice to somebody if you're rude or short it's okay to say you're sorry okay it doesn't make you less of a person it actually makes you more of a person a better person because you then are showing that you have the ability to recognize that you have faults to recognize that you're not always perfect regardless of what you've been told your whole life show the people that you know you empathize with them you know it humanizes you it makes you just i don't know more relatable and easier to make a connection with and more present because you know a lot of times people do bad things and if you say anything they'll actually get mad that you called them out on doing the bad thing and then i've i know i have and then i've been like oh i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry and i'm apologizing just for letting them know that this bad thing has happened that they were involved in does that make any sense no

Rufus T. Rufus: now i'm i'm a little so okay you're saying somebody does something bad right and then they have the option i guess they have a few options they can just walk away right ignore it they can decide to uh apologize maybe try to fix the situation right or and this one's kind of funny i mean not funny haha but funny whoa what's wrong with this world uh they might actually get angry that you noticed that they did something wrong or bad and then they might not only not say they're sorry to you but then cause you to say sorry to them and then they might say sorry to you somehow feel guilt where you're then apologizing for the thing that they did or for i don't understand well now this is what i was talking about and this is a slippery slope this is the dangerous vortex that you can fall into if you're not careful all right and that's what i call the sorry slope didn't just make that up sorry slope where you step on it and the second you put your foot on the sorry slope you could get stuck you could get pulled all the way down to the sorry slope right sometimes like what nat is saying people might even push you down the sorry slope you didn't even have nothing to do with it you were just a bystander innocent just minding your own business and then something bad happens you say oh something bad boom they push you down the sorry slope then where are you you're nowhere huh that's why never in my life will i ever say that word much like uh fonzarella i go i'm does he remember that because i can't even say the word is what i'm saying i'm like that so i almost said it right there almost okay anyway that's that was too close for me i was looking over this right over the edge of that sorry slope

Producer: yeah but uh i guess i appreciate it everyone everyone's close to saying sorry or apologizing for natty there's seen it's It seems like the right thing to do, honestly.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, but I don't understand why I'm now to blame for everything. All I did was apologize. Does that not make me nice? The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can, Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

June 19, 2025
Bumperpodcast #437 – Season 3 – Help

Welcome to Coffee Can Alley! Welcome to the Bumperpodcast, your go-to destination for uproariously silly improvised comedy. In this episode, Pig tries to get to the bottom of some things while Producer and Rufus T. Rufus do anything but figure anything out!

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About This Episode

In this hilariously chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to address an important issue but gets completely derailed by Rufus T. Rufus's nostalgic tale about Jack's Snack Shack down by the creek. The conversation spirals into debates about double negatives, food preferences, and whether Rufus might actually be a horse based on his love of oats and carrots. Producer joins in with confusing grading systems and his sensitivity about eating flies, while Aloysious struggles to keep everyone on track. The episode showcases the show's trademark improvisational comedy as the characters bicker, joke, and ultimately forget what they were even trying to discuss in the first place.

Memorable Quotes

“Jack's Snack Shack way out back is a hack, all right?”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I don't want to get personal, but are you a horse? Because what you just described is basically the snack of a horse.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Jack's Snack from way out back does not have any kind of a lack for giving smacks, in fact, he has a knack for giving stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon smacks.”
— Producer

Topics: #food #snacks #nostalgia #communication #jack'ssnackshack #workplacecomedy #grammar

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Producer, Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: now yes so all i'm saying is he's a problem right so if he's gonna be a problem and then we gotta change the name of the show or something yeah well so you know it's not

Producer: like i don't not disagree hold on don't not disagree don't not this yes it's like i don't

Rufus T. Rufus: not disagree however you know yeah now so i this is rufus t rufus now as a lawyer around here once we start throwing out double negatives and triple negatives as it were you understand with uh don't being the first one there not being the second one there so the don't and the not are going to cancel each other out and then the disagree i would i think is going to be your third negative so that's your triple negative which i think is going to bring it back into the fold of

Aloysious J. Pig: being negative and um now i just think we gotta stick to the matter at hand no i understand i'm

Rufus T. Rufus: just trying to keep it straight from a legalese point of view yeah well nobody really cares about

Aloysious J. Pig: the legalese point of view at the moment because i think what we're trying to figure out is a bigger

Producer: issue here all right yes so i totally don't not agree with you oh come on

Aloysious J. Pig: I don't get paid unless I make the podcast, so I'm around, right? And I need to eat. I'm a pig who likes to eat food, okay? Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, it's interesting, Aloysius. I'm not a pig, you understand, but I am someone who does enjoy the food, enjoys eating, you know? And I have been reminiscing a little bit about when I was young, before I was ever a lawyer, you understand, when I was just in short pants and I was walking around by the creek, you understand? And there was a little shack there, and it was a snack shack, they called it. And I would go on up to the snack shack, and to the manager's name was Jack. I think it was called Jack's Snack Shack. And I would go in, and I would… Peruse the aisles. There's really only one aisle, but I would peruse it up and down, left and right, and I would pick out my favorite food in the whole wide world.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right, you got me hooked. I want to know what your favorite food in the whole wide world is, but then we got to get back to the real thing, but I'm intrigued by the whole creek and whatever you got going on there. Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, well, okay, wow. Well, what I would find is that Jack's Snack Shack, Jack's Snack Shack is they had, it was dry rolled oats, and they would come in a little packet, and a little sack there, and then I'd get a little apple juice, so some oats and some apple juice, and sometimes I might eat a carrot or two as well.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, Rufus, I don't want to get personal, I don't want to get into your business, but are you a horse? Because what you just described is basically the snack, of a horse, like you're going to go in, horse love, they love eating oats, they love eating carrots, and they love apples, so that's who, I don't know if they drink apple juice, or if they're those things, it's like, oh, I'll eat an apple, but I won't eat apple sauce,

Rufus T. Rufus: or they won't eat apple juice, but I will eat apples, and you're like, buddy, it's the same thing. All right, it's just in a different package, all right?

Producer: So, hold on a second, so I'm looking it up on all of the, all of the internets, every single one, and I am not finding Jack's Snack Shack, done by the creek, but I am finding a Jack's Snack Shack that's way out back, you understand, I don't, that's this other part of town, I think, and it's got wonderful reviews, maybe we should take a field trip out there one day.

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, now, you know, not to burst your bubble there, producer, and I do appreciate you doing research on the fly like that.

Producer: Oh, how do I love eating flies, they're our mice, my favorite food, you know, if we're talking about it.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, we're not talking about it, we just want to figure out whatever Rufus is talking about, but, okay, thanks for the info.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, now, as I was saying, now, the Jack's Snack Shack that they have listed there that's way out back, that is not actually affiliated with Jack's Snack Shack that's done by the creek, that, so that one is closer to the tracks, you understand, so it's Jack's Snack Shack that's done by the tracks, and what had happened was Jack, the proprietor, had opened up his Snack Shack down by the tracks near the creek, and that's the one that everybody went to, that's the one everybody knows, that's where the reputation was built, and lo and behold, Jack had a cousin, also, watch this, he named John, but they called himself Jack, so Jack, number two, moves into town, sees how well Jack's Snack Shack is doing, and he's like, oh, well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what the hell Jack's Snack Shack is doing, and the good reputation it has, and proceeds to go out back and open himself up his own Snack Shack, so what I'm saying is that Jack's Snack Shack way out back is a hack, all right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't want to detract from Jack's Snack Shack way out back, or else he might come on over here and give you a smack, is what I've heard about that guy, okay?

Producer: Yeah, no, I've heard the same thing, where Jack's Snack, Jack's Snack from way out back does not have any kind of a lack for giving smacks, in fact, he has a knack for giving stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon smacks, and you might have to get out of town on your, um, Jack?

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, yeah, this took a terrible turn, there's everything since doing this podcast, but, you know, we're just chitin', chattin', and having a little bit of fun, and then out of nowhere, everything goes loop-de-loo, and I, I, producer, I just felt like you were forcing there, you were, you know, just pushing a little bit harder than you needed to, I thought we had a good, uh, uh, uh, premise, and we, you know, we could have ridden it home, but, and you start, I don't know, I don't even know what you were doing.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, I agree that it was terrible, but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give producer an A for effort, or is it E for effort? Is E even a, that's not a letter, Greg? Is it E for effort, and T for nice try? E for effort? How does that, and T's not, I don't know what we're doing, because that's, these aren't letter grades, it's A, B, C, D, E, F. Wait, but E's not in there. A, B, C, I got a D, oh, no, I got an F on my test. What's in E? Is that in between, I'm like, where does, how do I get an E? I would like to get an E, I think it's better than an F. It's one better than an F. One letter. That's better than a D.

Producer: Yeah, so when I was in frog school, we didn't have all of those letters, the A's and the B's or whatever. We had an S, which was for satisfactory, and we have an N, which was for needs to be more satisfactory, I think. Needs improvement. What are we talking about that needs improvement? The sound, can you not hear? What are you talking about?

Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, I think he was saying your S was better than a D. S was satisfactory, and then your N, it was an N, was for needs improvement, as opposed to needs more, you know, I don't, can we not, this has got my head all in a jumble here. I got this dude over here, who's eating like a horse lunch, oats and carrots and applesauce, juice, sorry, but he had not, I know, you don't like applesauce.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, no, but that's fine. Well, what was it, you had some sort of a bug in your bonnet before when we first started talking, when we all came into the room, and I don't have, I don't remember, that was minutes ago, and I don't have any idea what we was talking about initially, and so if anybody wants to refresh my memory, if I'm to be honest, my blood sugar's a little bit low because I hadn't had a chance to have a snack or even really a little bit of a lunch today. I'm feeling a little bit peckish, which, if you know, if you know what that means.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, I'm worried because when you said peckish, that you were like, I think chickens, they peck, right? They peck, peck, peck, peck, peck their food, so does peckish have anything to do with, do you want to eat some bird seed? Do you want, I don't know what else birds eat. Do birds eat other things? Oh, yes, absolutely. Birds eat bugs and worms. Really? Yeah, worms. Two. I had no idea. It's a lot. I find that to be unsettling. Huh?

Producer: Rather disgusting. I mean, I don't know why, you know, you don't have to eat it. If the bird says that he wants to eat it, if that's the meal that the bird wants to have, then the bird should be able to have that, I think, you know? What does it even impact you, what the bird is eating? Why don't you just eat whatever you want to eat? I assume it's trash or slop or whatever it is, you know, because you're a pig. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I, I, I don't eat. I don't eat trash. Uh, thank you, though, for, for falling into that pig stereotype. Uh, I, I eat, uh, you know, delicious things is what I, I'm going to say, and I don't want to get into it. I don't want to go any deeper, but I eat delicious things. Thank you very much.

Rufus T. Rufus: You know, now I'm feeling like this is a little bit strange, Aloysius, because you're over there making fun of my snack, which is a very healthy snack, my doctor. Uh, agrees and approves. He says, uh, this, he's never seen anyone eat quite as, as healthy a food as I do. And, and, and, and, yeah, we're making fun of a little bit of, uh, the frog over here, uh, producer for eating flies. I mean, what else is he going to eat, you know? And then, uh, me saying I'm peckish, and then you're saying, oh, what are you, some sort of bird or something? Come on now, Aloysius. Now you're not even going to tell us what you eat? Like, how is that supposed to make us feel? This isn't a team. This isn't us coming together and learning about each other. This is just you making fun of everybody and making us feel bad about ourselves, which just doesn't feel, uh, appropriate. Or, or, or right, you know, you see?

Producer: Yeah, I don't want to, you know, jump onto Rufus's curtails or anything, but, you know, this whole time, it's like I, I don't not disagree with him about him saying these things about the food, and about the making fun of, and about all these, uh, you know, stuff. So, because I'm sensitive about the flies, I am. You know, people look at me, and they're like, oh, bro, he eats flies? And I'm like, I'm a frog. What am I supposed to do, okay? So, hold on.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, nobody cares. Okay, thank you, producer. I apologize if I made fun of anybody, made anybody feel bad. I feel terrible. Um, but I remember when you said the don't not thing, that brought me all the way back to the beginning of the episode when we were, oh, don't not, not, whatever. And I had a whole point. I had a whole point that I was trying to bring up with this episode. And, um, we got sidetracked, as we often do. So, here's what I actually wanted to talk about, okay?

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced by The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can find us on Twitter at Natty Bumpercar.com. And follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

February 9, 2024
Bumperpodcast #405 – Season 2 – Halloween

It’s a scarifying (scary and terrifying) Halloween episode where all of the calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!
The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
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[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-kve16v7s’ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-kve16tl4′ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:04 What’s that? You said the calls coming from inside the house but doesn’t even make sense. It’s not how phones work. I mean, we don’t even have a landline so if there’s a phone call that’s happening and I’m inside the house and then the people have their cell phones and I guess the call can be coming from inside the house, but I don’t know if they can pinpoint it. That exact do they know where exactly where phone calls are coming from and so they can see on some sort of a map or something that the calls are coming from inside the house. Hmm, ah, is it an intercom maybe Is that what’s happening? No, Rufus T. Rufus 0:41 no, no, no, no, I believe we had signed some sort of paperwork and we got a telephone utensils that Sam but we would have to disclose and just quantify exactly where we were located. When we were making the telephone call. I’m looking around I don’t know if you can hear me I’m but I am looking around. I did hear the phone ring. And I heard the call. But I mean, could it possibly be coming from inside of the house? Producer 1:11 Hey, everybody, it’s me producer. I do normally know how the television works is you make a telephone call with the buttons in the Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing and if them the numbers is Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing and you can make the phone calling and your thing allow you have the conversation and everything but I don’t know exactly the technically speaking. Natty Bumpercar 1:33 Pretty. Producer, producer. Stop. Do you? No, no. What are you talking? Yeah, no. Producer 1:37 Okay. Yeah, no, I don’t I am saying I don’t know. Natty Bumpercar 1:41 Yeah, you went through all of that to say you don’t know. You’ll be like that’s that’s not even how people dial phones because no one knows any numbers are just like search for and then they push one it’s like beep and then they call the person call producer beep like it’s not Beep beep beep beep beep i don’t know phone number. I don’t even know my phone number. I had to fill out a form the other day and it said what’s your phone number? And I said no, I wish you would tell me is what I said to that form. And you know what that form said to me Aloysius J. Pig 2:12 and Bing nothing is that what the exactly Yeah, nothing makes sense because it’s a form forms don’t talk forms I like buckets that we take our information too. And we bring it to the bucket the bucket says name I’m going to bring my name to that bucket phone number I’m going to bring my phone number to that bucket you understand show if we can set it it forms I like buckets and we know that bucket actually do not talk then we know that forms will then not talk Am I Am I right Rufus T. Rufus 2:54 now when I had to take all the quizzes or tests whatever they offer to get into law school now there was one in particular that would say something like go banana is to a red panda as a lemonade is to eliminate stand and so you see that they’re making comparisons a con contrast and compare yeah contrast and compare Okay, Natty Bumpercar 3:30 do you understand no I mean I don’t I mean a banana to a What was it again? Producer 3:40 There’s a rat Natty Bumpercar 3:42 All right, it was a red panda got it wow you guys are both you guys both get your good listener badges today Rufus T. Rufus 3:50 Hold on a second I didn’t realize that we were still doing the badges I had donated those done some police buy was a box it said insert your badges and leave them tomorrow and the whole box it was a crate really a badges Natty Bumpercar 4:05 we had those in storage those huh? All right, guys. So you’re not going to get badges and I apologize. Because we don’t have me I’m not gonna order badges just for this. I don’t have any badges. I was supposed to incentivize you guys if I don’t have any badges. Rufus T. Rufus 4:21 I do apologize. However, I will point out that we did have a meeting whereby we were told to purge the extras the extra stuff because it were and we’ll let you know what let’s always I thought we talked about that. That bucket thing again. That was that was really interesting to me with the bucket Aloysius J. Pig 4:46 and I don’t want to talk about the bucket thing because I think I totally forgot that we were all obsessed and freaking out at the beginning of the episode. Yeah, it was a phone call. Yeah, it was coming from and cy da how good call Natty Bumpercar 4:58 pig because We never really figured that out. We got off track a few. We got off on several different tracks. And yeah, there was a phone call that is coming from inside the house, everybody. And I think it’s very serious because you know, what, to what tomorrow is? Does anybody do you know, what Has anyone had looked at the calendar? I Producer 5:17 haven’t looked at the calendar. But I know it’s not garbage dial recycling, because it’s a weekend that we don’t they don’t don’t pick up on the it’s not easy, like a leaf kind of day. You’re gonna put pick up some some ground ground. Ground three, nothing. Still sitting the bundle round. No, no. Okay. No, that, Rufus T. Rufus 5:39 let’s see, I believe the post office is closed on the weekend. I don’t really know where it is no court open on the weekend. I’m PHARMAC. Those are really the places that I go to. I like to go to the post office sometimes. And then some other days. I’ll go to the court of law, obviously, fallen papers, mail and paid ticket papers up now. It’s not I can’t I can’t wrap my mind around what it might be Bumpercar I Aloysius J. Pig 6:10 don’t know why you let them on the microphone. Obviously. It’s Halloween tomorrow, everybody. It’s Halloween. That’s why we’re freaking out. Because there’s a scary phone call that came from inside the house. It’s a it’s a thing that happens in Halloween type movies, scary movies. And people are like, Oh my god. Yep. There’s a phone call. Yep. And it’s coming from inside of the house. Yeah. Natty Bumpercar 6:31 So thank you, pig for getting us back on track and letting everyone know how serious his situation is. Because we’re all sitting in this room together. So we’re not calling each other. So that means that somebody else some random person is calling us and it’s right next to Halloween, which makes it extra scary because we don’t know who it is. And it could just be could be anyone in there if they’re already inside the house. Like why are they calling us? Why aren’t they just coming in? Or I don’t know what Rufus T. Rufus 7:02 movie? Am I telling him to start drinking? I don’t know we answer none. Aloysius J. Pig 7:05 Now you shouldn’t you know, whoever answers the phone is usually the one who goes so you should I don’t think you should. My phone is ringing Producer 7:14 our phones are ringing back same time. Even possible. who’s calling us from you? Natty Bumpercar 7:20 Guys, I want everyone to put your phone down right now. I’m I’m going to answer the phone. This is the bumper podcast. This is the I’m I’m this is my responsibility. And I’m going to answer the phone. Take a deep breath. Wish me luck. Hello. Oh, okay. I am so sorry. I am I know. I am so sorry. Yeah, pick. Pickle. Pickle come and get you I am Yes, I know. It. Okay. I everyone I know you call. Yeah, you were caught. Okay. This is a I’m a pig. Yeah. Monster was stuck in the bathroom. The door got jammed. He was stuck. We all evidently forgot that he was here. Record a Halloween episode with us. Oh, you could? Aloysius J. Pig 8:21 Yeah, well Oh, Natty Bumpercar 8:23 he is really mad. Aloysius J. Pig 8:25 I don’t blame us this whole time. Okay, I’m gonna go I’m gonna scoot over and see oh man, it is hilarious. Rufus T. Rufus 8:33 Now you might think it’s funny I’ll always just pick a loo but there could be some serious troubles here we could be under some some scrutiny and some some some some eyes people that we don’t want looking at us because we did just unintentionally or intentionally I do not know lock someone in the restroom for an extended period of time. And they claim that we did that on purpose and that we was playing I don’t know what but we could this is kind of funny. Natty Bumpercar 9:12 I am so incredibly sorry. We that bathroom door has been have it’s been a problem for a while and we had somebody come in and work on it. And now it’s actually worse than it was before we had come out Aloysius J. Pig 9:32 all right. There’s no need to threaten anybody was a mistake. It was an accident. All right. We apologize. We as he said we had somebody come and look at the door. We know that he was going to be stalking Rufus T. Rufus 9:49 you well he does have a good point that we did know he was here. We all let him in the house. So we probably checked on that might have been a good thing to do as a host Natty Bumpercar 10:00 Call I agree. And again, I’m terribly sorry. And I’m even more sorry because we’re out of time on the episode so we don’t even get a chance to talk to. Outro 10:20 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius J pig Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs in hearts See you soon. NonPro 11:39 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the non productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license, please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

October 30, 2021
Bumperpodcast #310 – Turkey is back

Turkey is back – and he is bananas.

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 310 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a Thanksgiving crisis when Turkey shows up at headquarters in a state of panic. Joined by Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus (acting as Turkey's lawyer), and Robot with his universal Turkey decoder, the gang attempts to calm the anxious bird who fears he'll end up as dinner. Through a chaotic series of misunderstandings and Turkey's rapid-fire gobbling, the team works to communicate and reassure their feathered friend. The episode wraps with a heartfelt message from Natty about gratitude and making it through tough times, while Turkey finally settles down for a nap.

Memorable Quotes

“Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

“He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You should wake up every day and look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for making it through the day.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #thanksgiving #turkey #anxiety #friendship #gratitude #communication #holidaystress #kindness

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast and it's me it's natty bumper car and it's that time of year it's that time of year where it's almost thanksgiving and i oh no look who it is

Producer: hey buddy how are you you're freaking out you're freaking me out there's a lot of freaking out

Natty Bumpercar: okay you talk

Aloysious J. Pig: i don't i don't i don't know what i don't know what you're seeing i'm very sorry i'm very i'm

Natty Bumpercar: very sorry hey hey that's me uh allosius jay pig so anyway so i think what the tardy doodle is trying to say is that he's nervous because you're talking about Thanksgiving. Yeah. And always around this time of year, you know, the turkey comes in, and you're like, gobble, gobble, and you're like, who's this? And turkey, turkey, and blah, blah, blah. I think he just wants to make sure that everything is on the up and up. Oh. That everything is copacetic. Of course. You know what I'm talking about. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. Exactly. Turkey, calm it down. He's freaking out. Take it down two notches. He's freaking out. Turkey, turkey, turkey. You need to settle. Settle. Settle. Turkey. Settle. Somebody got to settle the turkey, I guess. Do we have any turkey whispers in the house? No, there's no turkey whispers in the house.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, just kidding. Oh. Uh-huh.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you seem so sad, turkey. Listen, it's going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. We're just going to hang out. We're here at headquarters. It's me, you, and Pig, and we, I, he does, I guess, he kind of, Pig, do you speak turkey? It seems like a little bit. I mean, I, I do dabble a bit. Okay, but not really. No, no, no. Okay, so we, I think that we maybe just need to find somebody who does speak a good turkey, and then we can kind of, kind of go from there. Maybe, does that make sense? I don't know what to do. You still freak it out. Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, turkey. Settle down. Stop it. You're on a, you're on a hot microphone, turkey. Don't say anything you'll regret in the future. Okay, well, calm down. I, uh,

Aloysious J. Pig: oh. I see. I understand exactly. That's exactly what the turkey is trying to

Natty Bumpercar: say to everybody.

Doodle Poodle: Hi, everybody. It's me. It's

Aloysious J. Pig: a little poodle.

Doodle Poodle: And I think that I can solve this case. Okay, it's not a case. Perhaps, perchance, probably.

Natty Bumpercar: He's trying to figure out what he's saying.

Doodle Poodle: Um, what I'm gonna do is get out some paper. Okay. And make some doodles of what the turkey who is trying to say so that you guys can get a visual representation of exactly what the turkey is trying to tell us. Is that the best idea ever?

Natty Bumpercar: I'm gonna weigh in on this and say that no, it's actually not the best idea ever. It's not, it's not the worst idea ever. Uh, but, I mean, I guess maybe we could give it a shot. But the thing is, this turkey talks very quickly. And, um, I don't know that you're gonna be able to draw what he's saying fast enough that we'll be able to convey exactly what he's trying to say.

Doodle Poodle: Oh, look, I drew this unicorn right here. That fast unicorn.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. I stand corrected. We are gonna give it a shot. We're gonna give it a shot. Okay. That's kind of amazing that you drew that that fast. Okay. I'm very fast

Doodle Poodle: doodler. I can draw very quickly if I want to. Sometimes I draw slow. But sometimes I draw really fast, too. This is just how it depends. Oh, what the, you know, this is tough. Oh, he's saddled.

Aloysious J. Pig: Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled.

Rufus T. Rufus: Turkey lawyer T. Rufus. Wait a minute, I did that wrong. Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion on exactly what he wants to do and what he deserves to do and the life that all Turkies in this great country, in this great world, are allowed to pursue and enjoy. If you do get my drift, and I believe you do by the look on your eye, on your face, above your nose, you see what I'm saying? Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, coming in, swooping in, just like I do, to protect you. To protect you, okay? Okay. Call me up. We're going to settle this out of court, lawyer style.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. All right. Are you being paid by the minute? Because that was quite the soliloquy, I think that was, the monologue. That was a monologue. That was definitely a more monologue than we needed to have at this moment.

Rufus T. Rufus: It was more of a soliloquy, I believe. It was more of a, you know. Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: But we're just trying to figure out what the Turkey is doing. What the Turkey wants, and what the Turkey needs, and what will make the Turkey happy. So, I appreciate everyone being here, but I don't appreciate you.

Robot: Hey, but I think you should appreciate me, because I think that I have a solution. I have a universal Turkey decoder inside of my programming.

Producer: Wait, do you really? That might help. Yeah. Yeah. See? Okay.

Robot: I am good for something, and so, if the Turkey would just come here and wait, where's the Turkey going? I don't understand.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. So, what do we… Bro, the robot's completely freaking the Turkey out. Okay. He's afraid of the robot. He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in. Yeah. So, we're going to get the Turkey out of the robot's oven, and then we're going to get the Turkey back in. And, of course, we're going to get the Turkey in the robot oven, and then Turkey dinner, which I have told him is not true. We're not doing that. No. He's a rusty bucket of bolts. He's not a cooking utensil item. So, just go on down. All right. Talk to the, you know, the bones. The robot. No, the bones. The bolts over there. Yeah. And, we can get to the bottom. We can settle. Turkey, settle down. Settle down. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey bro. Seriously. Why is he freaking… I can't even imagine the Turkey. He's still freaking out. I was having a nice relaxing day. You're ruining my day. I don't want to say he's ruining it. Hey, turkey. There he goes. He finally went to sleep, everybody. I think all the activity might have worked him up and got him super anxious. Oh, he's so sleepy. I've never seen a sleeping turkey before.

Producer: He's so cute when he sleeps.

Natty Bumpercar: Is he purring? I didn't know turkeys purred. This is very strange. Wow, all right. Well, now that the crisis is averted with turkey, I wanted to say thank you so much to everybody for listening to the Bumper Podcast and for being so awesome. And sometimes the world is a big, mean, scary place, but hopefully you listen here and you feel a little bit better. Or you see how crazy my world is and it makes you feel like your world isn't, you know, all that crazy. You're pretty cool. You're pretty nice. You're pretty fun. Definitely pretty funny. And thank you. And thank you and thank you and thank you. And you should wake up every day and you should look in the mirror and you should brush your teeth and then you should wash your face and then you should look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for, you know, making it through the day, making it through the night, because it's not always that easy. And the world's a big, scary place and there's a lot of big, scary things happening. I mean, as turkey evidences. So, hooray for you. Hooray for me. Hooray for every single body. Right? Right. Anybody else want to say anything? Anybody else on the podcast want to say thank you for anything? Or…

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November 22, 2017