Aloysious J. Pig: Uh, hey everyone, it's me, Aloysius J-Pig, and today, uh, Natty Bumper Guy is off and about and about and around and everywhere but here. So, it's gonna be a pig episode, which means probably a little singing, and obviously we're gonna talk about socio-political economics, because that's what I do now. I don't know if you've heard my new show, Pork Barrel Pig, but here we are, and this is what we do. So, huh, the other day I was looking at the market and I was like, oh, what is this, a bear market or a bull market? And the people were just like, I don't know, pig, why don't you tell us? You're the one who's got the show about. It's global, so I forget what it's about already, so I, alright, the joke's over. We're gonna talk about donuts, we're gonna talk about, talk about donuts, what, what, what, what? Donuts, what kind of donuts, bro? You know the best kind of donuts. Donuts, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, donuts, ha, ha, ha, ha, donuts. Donuts, this morning, I woke up, I went to my local donut-taria, and I said, hello, Miss the Donut, and Mr. Donut was just like, oh, hello there, pig, or whatever, I don't know what he said, and he's like, what can I get you? What do you want? What kind of a donut do you want? And I was like, my friend, my friend, my friend, I'll have one of everything, alright, and two or some of them, alright? So you're gonna need some boxes, you're gonna need some crates, what is the biggest receptacle that we can put the donuts in that they're gonna make it home to my house without getting, like, flustered, because the last thing that I want and you want, obzy, is a flustered donut. He said, okay, let me work on that situation, but while I do that, maybe do you want a donut hole? And I was just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir, I do not wish to have a donut hole. No, that's the leftover. That's the leave-ins. I don't want that. I come here for a donut goodness, and if you can deliver, I will receive a donut hole. However, it's not what I meant to. Anyway, we level set, we figured out our relationship, we understood what everybody wanted, and we moved on from there, I assume. I presume, I don't know. So you wanna know? I feel like I've been teasing. You wanna know what kind of donut I got? Today, I got a Tres Leches donut. That's three milk. Three milk donut. And what are the three milks? I don't know. I'm assuming cow milk is one of them. I'm also assuming that, well, I don't know what other kind of milks there might be. There's that weird milk. There's that weird milk. There's that weird milk that Luke drank in The Last Jedi from that alien cow thing. I'm hoping that that kind of milk was not involved in my donuts. And then one of the milks is whipped cream. So that's cream, so that's milk, so that makes sense. I'm hoping there's no cheese on my donut, because that's made from milk, too. Chocolate, also made from milk. Milk is really in a lot of things, is what I'm coming to find out. To all my cow friends listening, to all my cow friends in the… Pasture. To all my cow friends around the world, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta thank you, girl. Hey, cows, what do you know? Hey, cows, what do you do? Oh, oh, oh, hey, cows, how do you say hello? Oh, are you moo? Perfect. Seriously, though, milk, pretty much in everything. I'm probably in cupcakes, maybe in cookies, maybe in bread. I've heard you can put it on your cereal. I don't know if you eat that. I don't know if you eat that kind of stuff. And, obviously, in my slop pit, sometimes there's milk, just because I am very lactose-tolerant. I would almost go so far as to say I require lactose. Anyway, I bibble and babble enough about the donuts. I don't know what else I'm supposed to talk about. How does he do this for 10 minutes a day? How does he, like, what, 12 minutes? I'm four and a half minutes in, and I've already run out of time. I've already run out. I had, like, two songs. I talked about donuts. Did you want to? Okay, hold on a second. Ladies and gentlemen, our producer says he… Um, hello, everybody. No, that's fine. You just start talking.
Producer: Yeah, I'm going to start talking now. You're talking… Hello? You… Yeah. Okay. Okay. Hi, everyone. This is me, producer. And I am just listening to my friend, which is Jack Pig, and he was having a difficult time with the talking, and so I said, you know what? I've got a pretty funny story to share. So maybe I'm going to hop in to help him out a little bit. And my story involved this yesterday… I don't know when it's yesterday morning. I was leaving my driveway, to go for a little hop around the block, because I'm a frog and I don't run, I hop! So, I was hopping. I was listening to my Bluetooth headset speaker phones, and I had music in them. And the song I was listening to was If you see a penny, pick it up, pick it up… If you see a penny, pick it up, pick it up… it up if you see a nickel pick it up pick it up if you see a dime if you see a quarter
Natty Bumpercar: if you see a 50 cent piece pick it up if you see a dollar pick it up pick it up if you see a two dollar bill pick it up pick it up if you see a five dollar bill or a 10 or a 20 you know what you should do you should pick it up pick it up if you see a 50 bill you should call the police because it's not yours if you see a hundred dollar bill you should just run away there are certain
Producer: denominations there are certain sizes of the bill you should pick it up pick it up if you see a money that are always okay for you to pick it up pick it up and lo and behold as I'm listening to this song it's a number one smash summer hit from 1927 pick it up I was hopping and I looked over and I saw a wad of cash on the sidewalk and I say to myself oh my watch out word what should i do and then i thought about the song words the lyrics in this song and i said i
Natty Bumpercar: know exactly what to do thank you universe and so i called the police and i pointed to it and i said oh would you look at all of this money and they said please put your hands on the car and they knocked my bluetooth headset out of my ears and then i got to ride downtown to the police station where i was interrogated for a long time because they didn't understand why anyone would come across such a pile of money and not uh bro here's the thing it's a great story that you're telling
Aloysious J. Pig: and the whole song thing everybody's love songs on podcasts so that's good thank you and you get kudos for that everyone has noticed from the beginning of your story to the end of your story you no longer sound like yourself i don't understand what do you mean would you care to explain that or is that something where i don't know something that happened while you
Producer: were incarcerated or whatever no i think what happens is i don't usually talk for a long time and so when i had the opportunity to talk for an experience period i um got a little bit too excited and maybe i you know like i sang my song and then the voice got a little uh how do you say uh crazy you just said crazy bro that's how you say it perfect oh no hello
Aloysious J. Pig: what's up um me and uh producer sitting here we're just hanging out doing a little show on our own but we didn't know when you were oh i got the coughs i got the vapors is that a new cologne you wearing oh we didn't know when he was coming back so is that got is that got lavender in it i'm i'm highly alert to lavender i gotta go you i mean you smell nice but you're hurting me i'm so sorry Uh, guys, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for the beginning of the show, but Crazy Bananas Weird Thing, I was running around, I was on the sidewalk, I was running errands, and, uh, do you, do you remember my stack of cash, my wad of cash? I can't find it anywhere. I do not know where it is, and it was in my pocket, and then it just disappeared out of nowhere, and I can't find it, and I'm freaking out, because that's how I gotta pay all the cows for, uh, their milk and everything.
Producer: Um, well, first, first off, uh, that is a very clunky way that you try to tie the beginning of the podcast in with this section.
Aloysious J. Pig: Not, not that, really, come on, yeah.
Producer: But, uh, I happen to have some information about this wad of cash. You do? Can you describe this wad of cash to me, please?
Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it's, well, sure, it's a wad of cash. It's a lot of money, cash, that has subsequently… …subsequently been wadded up into a wad, like a roll, like it's got a rubber band on
Natty Bumpercar: What color is the rubber band? I do not know what color rubber band it is.
Aloysious J. Pig: I'm sorry. What? I do not know. What do you mean? Yeah, it's a… How many… What's your point? Like, did you find a wad of cash? Are you holding out on me for? What, what, what?
Producer: I'm not, I'm not entirely comfortable talking to you about this, uh, in quotation marks wad of cash, because I feel like maybe you don't know. I don't know what you're talking about, and you're trying to get information for me about the wad of cash that I may or may not have found on the sidewalk right outside of the gate of our house.
Aloysious J. Pig: Producer, seriously, this is a big deal. Like, this is, like, rent money, this is every kind of money, this is all of our money. This is our bill money. We, I need that money. So if you found it, what did you do with it? Can you get it for me? Can you go find, like, what, please just give me the money if you found it. It's very important. It's hyper important.
Producer: So I maybe, maybe I found it, and maybe I got taken to jail, and maybe when I got out of jail, I took the money, and I donated it to some other place that maybe said they
Aloysious J. Pig: needed it as well. Well, I need to know the place. I need to know the place, because I need that wad of cash. It's very important. Can you please just tell me where you donated it to? So I, it's just a misunderstanding. I gotta get the money back. I don't know if it's true. Hey, producer. Thanks for that wad of cash. Look at my new shoes. Wait, what?
Producer: Pig? Oh, no.
