Tag: comedy podcast

Bumperpodcast #439 – Season 3 – Come On, Turkey

In this uproarious episode, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Aloysius J. Pig, and the hilariously unexpected Turkey—dive headfirst into the world of podcast management. As they engage in side-splitting conversations with a mysterious someone, listeners are treated to a delightful blend of quick-witted banter and comedic genius.

The episode unfolds with the gang navigating the challenges of running their unconventional podcast, providing a unique behind-the-scenes peek into the hilarious happenings in Coffee-Can Alley. Whether you’re a longtime fan or a newcomer, the Bumperpodcast guarantees a comedy adventure like no other. Join Rufus, Producer, Aloysius, and Turkey in this episode that promises laughs, surprises, and an unforgettable glimpse into the whimsical world of podcast management in Coffee-Can Alley. Don’t miss the fun—hit play and let the laughter begin!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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Transcription

Aloysius J. Pig 0:04
Yeah, so everybody is gonna come on in, watch your step. Try not to knock anything over. You. Come on in, come on in, come on in. We’ll get we can get more there’s more room in here in the studio. And we can look around a little bit.

Rufus T. Rufus 0:18
Now,

everybody Aloysius J pig here, he’s given us a tour, and

I Rufus T roof isn’t just here, you know, just as for more managerial perspective, and I just kinda, you know, just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this next phase of our project. Yes. And just make sure you avoid the wires. There’s a lot of wires everywhere, but you can see the part that stood here in the things the plugs in everything’s just, you know, just what we were saying. Just be very careful as you come into this space, this studio here, where we do make the recordings for the band

Turkey, I admit it, but you do have a good point. Yeah, yeah, he

Aloysius J. Pig 1:12
does have a good point, you know, with the bumper podcast thing that we’re kind of moving on from that against, but for right now, it’s fine. You know, it doesn’t confuse anybody. This is a studio where we record a bumper podcast, we’re recording a podcast and we’re just trying to figure out what we’re doing here moving forward

Manager 1:36
maybe be your manager.

Rufus T. Rufus 1:39
Now hold on one second. Because I’m, I mean, I’m the lawyer but I’m also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole headquarters here. Just

Aloysius J. Pig 1:50
let him Let him talk. Alright, this Hold on

Rufus T. Rufus 2:03
No, apologies. You just started to be over here, I suppose taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, I

Aloysius J. Pig 2:17
think everybody knows what you’re saying. All right. So back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio we used to record a bumper podcast here. I’m Aloysius jpg gets full press T Rufus over there is produced and obviously missing from the equation. He’s Natty Bumpercar We haven’t seen him in a long time. So that’s why we’ve reached out to you

Manager 2:41
because it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad that you called me and I’m looking around here and I can see

Aloysius J. Pig 2:52
all right that I mean that sounds good and a lot a lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean that makes sense to me. We want to get me well we do when we get started as soon as possible because we’ve been kind of languishing I think is the proper time

Rufus T. Rufus 3:13
again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us even consider it well said Turkana Aloysius What do you think about that? That that that point there that took it just me When

Aloysius J. Pig 3:28
did you intend to become such good pals? This is a nice relationship friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey yet. That does make sense. We don’t want to just like trash everything. Throw everything away. Maybe we can get some storage boxes, we can put things you know, I think there’s probably some room over in the shed.

Producer 3:48
Which which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about the the big shade or the or the Play Stick shade? Or this is a lot of shade around? You know,

Rufus T. Rufus 3:58
I mean, it could be you’re seeing the blue shed that’s out back? It could be the green shed, it’s out front?

Producer 4:07
I mean,

Rufus T. Rufus 4:08
I don’t understand what natty was doing. How do you collect shapes like it sheds is something that you’re going to store stuff in? So why would you just keep getting more and more sheds like we it looks if I look around at corners up there. It looks like we’re like a Mr. Shit like we’re gonna be selling shit at some point. You know? Like, come on down to guess bumper cars crazy shit Emporium. Where you can buy the best stop pointing

Manager 4:49
gonna stick around we’re not gonna do bird we’re not gonna do none of those. Well,

Aloysius J. Pig 4:58
no. Okay, well gonna know tangents that’s Wow, that is gonna be quite different because normally this show exists to just just to tangent like so like we look like instead of a road like uncooked spaghetti which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around the dike that’s kind of you guys think of pasta for lunch? Maybe? Yeah,

Rufus T. Rufus 5:29
I could certainly go over some pasta. You know, this weekend, we got a big game. And so I want to Cabo row.

Producer 5:37
Right, exactly. She’s kind of loud. What do you what is he talking about?

Rufus T. Rufus 5:45
Turkey, you know, so? Yeah.

So listen, so what we do before the big game, is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes it better have more energy mix was much more, you know, just more of a spark, you know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make moves and do what we do whatever them. So that’s what is carbo loading.

And then you’re ready to go. Yeah.

Aloysius J. Pig 6:18
So I think producing is a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you’re playing? And who is playing in it? And what where is it? I don’t know. Just explain a little bit this this whole game thing that you’re talking about?

Producer 6:37
No, no, we didn’t get the email, I guess. I guess, maybe just you and the roof is we’re talking about these intramural sports that you’re doing between different podcasts. And I said, and I checked my email all the time. And I said, I’m looking now there’s no mercy from you. 30. I’m looking in my spam. Sorry, Emily. She’s looking out through everything and they don’t see any messages from any of you.

Manager 7:12
Red Line over there on the red line. Even me

Aloysius J. Pig 7:15
not a red light this mean check Tia, I think it means that the power is on. And I still with that? I

Producer 7:22
think that we’re recording I would think yes, yes, the red light. It doesn’t mean the powder is on it just means that we are recording the things that are transpiring here in the studio

Manager 7:39
recording on the podcast, everything you

Rufus T. Rufus 7:48
know, we got to do here is anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording and the light The light is read over the you know, and that just means that we are recording the podcast and or recording something that you know, I guess well

Aloysius J. Pig 8:12
is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule. And you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live there, like hey, we want to know the day and the time that your pod gates is going to come out every single week and we don’t have that capability. And so what we do, a lot of the time is if we’re gonna have a conversation, it’s like hold on, let’s just go talk into studio producer came you know, turn on record and then bang, bang, boom, we got another podcast

Manager 8:49
this is going to be a podcast I don’t even know what kind of a situation I’ve gotten myself into. was gonna come in a few walls. And then be with

Rufus T. Rufus 9:08
I mean, I thought we were just hanging out lollygag and a bit just, you know, just talking to talk a little pod cast, team to podcast, Matt and Mr. We’re gonna knock down walls. I don’t doesn’t make no sense to me. Where’s the budget for that?

Producer 9:30
Yes. So ever reaches the budget is we don’t have any money right now. But what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers, or the podcast, you know, like, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash,

Aloysius J. Pig 9:47
I will not be washing cars. Do you get me for no sir. I will not be doing that. Duly noted.

Producer 9:56
Then we were also thinking you No going around and sending cookies didn’t even like boxes of cookies, people love cookies.

Rufus T. Rufus 10:08
I do think to be honest, I love cookies and all that. And I think everyone here understands the legal ramifications. So the girls that don’t go around and they sell the cookies every year and we can’t begin that that tour tour is taken, we can’t jump in there, we’re gonna they’re very tough group we’re not gonna I don’t not want to tussle with looking at cookie girls. So I think that’s not a good idea either.

Aloysius J. Pig 10:36
I don’t want to fit. This is an EN tz no tassel endzone. Also, this is an I’m starvin zone because earlier we’re talking about pasta. And then now we’re talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it’s just like that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal and kind of where my mind is now I’ve kind of given up on this whole room thing this is this podcast managed to help or whatever and I think we should probably break for lunch or whatever what time is it whatever it was so whatever meal people eat at at 330 I don’t know

Manager 11:28
talk about you guys are just gonna go to 330 meals.

Rufus T. Rufus 11:36
I’m not concerned about what the meal is. But I don’t know if everybody else is here.

I always don’t like to detract from people who are here especially people who are trying to help us but you’ll your voice is grading it. It’s I don’t know what it is about it. But I do feel like Allah which is if we’re gonna start having people on the show. Let’s talk to him a little bit before we come in the studio. We can tell producer like hey, do not record this. This is not gonna sound good, be pleasing to people

Manager 12:16
and you ain’t even one being I got a podcast and you want to stay

Aloysius J. Pig 12:27
turnkey come on

Outro 12:42
the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hire. See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and Rufus T. Rufus give a tour of their studio to potential new manager Doodle Poodle. With host Natty Bumpercar still missing, the crew discusses the future of the podcast while navigating cluttered wires, multiple storage sheds, and Turkey's confusing interjections. Doodle Poodle quickly becomes frustrated with the show's tangent-heavy format and questions why they're even recording. The conversation spirals through topics like carbo-loading for mysterious sports games, cookie fundraisers, and whether 3:30 is an appropriate meal time. Rufus eventually admits that Doodle Poodle's grating voice might not be suitable for podcasting, leading to an awkward confrontation.

Memorable Quotes

“When I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this. We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. We're going to stick to it. We're not going to diverge.”
— Doodle Poodle

“We look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Your voice is so loud. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like we should talk to people before we come in the studio so we can tell producer, do not record this.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #podcastmanagement #studiotour #food #tangents #missinghost #friendshipconflicts #fundraising

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Turkey, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so everybody just come on in watch your step try not to knock anything over come on in come on in come on in uh we can get more there's more room in here in uh the studio and then we can look around a little bit yeah now uh so everybody

Rufus T. Rufus: al oish is jay pig here he's giving us a tour and uh i rufus t rufus i'm just here you know just as from a more managerial uh perspective and i just kind of you know just want to make things go smoothly as we move into this uh next phase of our project yes and so just

Turkey: make sure you avoid the wires there's a lot of wires everywhere but you know because he the studio and the things the plugs and everything so just you know i just what we were saying just be very careful as you come into the space the studio here where we do make the recordings for the

Rufus T. Rufus: bumper podcast yeah turkey i hate to admit it but you do have a good point there yeah yeah he does

Aloysious J. Pig: have a good point you know with the bumper podcast thing that we're kind of moving on from that i guess but for right now it's fine you know it doesn't confuse anybody this is a studio you where we record the bumper podcast recording the podcast you know we're just trying to figure out

Doodle Poodle: what we're doing here moving forward yep yep yep well don't you mind me i'm on my way around the podcast studio you know that's why you guys called me in to maybe be your manager

Rufus T. Rufus: well now hold on one second there because i'm i mean i'm the lawyer but i'm i'm also the manager of the podcast and the whole the whole uh headquarters here rufus just let him let

Aloysious J. Pig: Let him talk, all right? Just hold on. Do I need to leave? Everything's going to be all right, all right?

Doodle Poodle: Okay, because I can just go. If you guys don't know what you're doing, then I can just head on out right now. I don't mind doing it now.

Rufus T. Rufus: I'll apologize. I'll just be over here, I suppose, taking notes and making sure everything stays above the board and that nothing is going to impact the bottom line. You know what I'm saying?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think everybody knows what you're saying. All right, so back to the matter at hand. So this is the studio. We used to record the Bumper Podcast here. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. That's Rufus T. Rufus over there as producer. And obviously, missing from the equation, he's Natty Bumpercar. We haven't seen him in a long time. So that's why we reached out to you.

Doodle Poodle: Well, all I know is it's nice to meet you, and I'm glad that you called me. And I'm just looking around this room here, and I can see a lot of improvements that we can make as soon as possible.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right, I mean, that sounds good. A lot of stuff we can do as soon as we can. I mean, that makes sense to me. I mean, we do want to get started as soon as possible, because we've been kind of languishing, I think is the proper term.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, again, Turkey is seeing things from a perspective that I feel like none of us are even considering. Well said, Turkey. Now, Aloysius, what do you think about that point there that Turkey just made?

Aloysious J. Pig: When did you and Turkey become such good pals? This is a nice relationship, friendship, whatever, that I had no idea. Yeah, Turkey, yeah, that does make sense. We don't want to just, like, trash everything, throw everything away. Maybe we could get some storage boxes. We could put things, you know, I think there's probably some room over in the shed.

Turkey: Now, which shed are we talking about? Are we talking about? The big shed, or the plastic shed, or there's a lot of sheds around, you know?

Rufus T. Rufus: I mean, it could be, like you're saying, the blue shed that's out back. It could be the green shed that's out front. I mean, I don't understand what Natty was doing. How do you collect sheds? Like, sheds are something that you're going to store stuff in, so why would you just keep getting more and more sheds? It's like, it looks… If I look around headquarters out there, it looks like we're, like, a Mr. Shed. Like, we're going to be selling sheds at some point, you know? Like, come on down to, I guess, Bumper Car's Crazy Shed Emporium, where you can buy the best…

Doodle Poodle: No, hold on a second. You've got to stop talking.

Rufus T. Rufus: Point taken, point taken.

Doodle Poodle: Yeah, because when I take over as the manager of this podcast, we can't do all this talking like this, okay? We're going to have a topic. We're going to have maybe a gift or two. And we're going to… Stick to it, all right? We're not going to diverge. We're not going to have tangents. We're not going to do none of that stuff, okay?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, no… Okay. We're going to… No tangents? That's… Wow. That is going to be quite the difference, because normally this show exists just to tangent. Like, we look like, instead of a road, like uncooked spaghetti, which is straight, we look like a bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti all twisted and mixed up and all around me. Like, that's kind of… Oh. You guys thinking of pasta for lunch, maybe?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I could certainly go for some pasta. You know, this weekend we've got a big game, and so I want a carbo-road.

Turkey: Not exactly. It's just carbo-road. What is he talking about?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, turkey and turkey, you know. So, listen. So, what we… What we do before the big game is we eat a lot of carbohydrates, because it makes our body have more energy. It makes us have much more, you know, just more of a spark. You know, it gives us a good bit of fuel for when we can go out on the field and, you know, make our moves and do what we do and everything. So, that's just carbo-loading. You eat a lot of pasta, and then you're ready to go.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So, I think… Producer and I are a little confused. What exactly is this big game that you're playing, and who is playing in it, and what… Where is it being… I don't know. Just explain a little bit this whole game thing that you're talking about.

Doodle Poodle: Huh. No.

Turkey: Yeah, no. We didn't get the email, I guess. I guess maybe just you and Rufus were talking about these intramural sports that you're doing between different podcasts, and I said, and I checked my email. All the time, and I said, I'm looking now. There's no message from you, Turkey. I'm looking in my spam. Sorry, Aloysius. I'm looking all through everything, and I don't see any messages from any of you.

Doodle Poodle: Okay, so I just need all of y'all to stop talking, because here's what's happening. You're wasting my time, and why is that red light over there on? What does that red light even mean?

Aloysious J. Pig: Ah, the red light just means that the, uh, I think it means that the power is on. And that, I guess, I think that we're recording, I would think.

Turkey: Yes, yes. The red light, it doesn't mean the power is on. It just means that, uh, we are recording, uh, the things that are transpiring here in the, um, uh, studio.

Doodle Poodle: Well, I don't understand even one thing. Why would you be recording this? You can't put this out. This isn't a podcast. You're just wasting power and wasting everything. You're wasting my time, and you're wasting your time. No.

Rufus T. Rufus: See it? What we kind of do here is, uh, anytime anybody really goes into the studio, we start recording, and the light, the light is red over there, you know, and that just means that, uh, that we are recording the podcast, and, uh, we're recording something, you know, I guess.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, here's the thing, is we have a difficult time of keeping to a schedule, and, uh, you know, these people out there in the world, they want to live their life. Hey, we want to know the day and the time that your podcast is going to come out every single week, and we don't have that capability. And so what we do a lot of the time is, if we're going to have a conversation, uh, it's like, hold on, let's just go talk in the studio, producer can, you know, turn on record, and then, bing, bang, boom, we got another podcast.

Doodle Poodle: So you're telling me that this is going to be a podcast? Yes, or this, that doesn't make any sense, this is just, I don't even know what kind of a situation I've gotten myself into. I thought I was going to come in here, knock down a few walls, put up a new sign, and then be ready to go, but that does not seem to be what we're doing here.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't, I, I mean, I thought we were just here hanging out, just lollygagging a bit, just, uh, you know, just talking the talk, a little podcaster team. Wait, a podcaster, ma, mister, uh, wait, I didn't, we're gonna knock down walls, I don't, that doesn't make no sense to me, I, where's the budget for that?

Turkey: Yes, so, uh, Aloysius, the budget is, uh, we don't have any money right now, but what we started thinking about was doing some sort of fundraisers for the podcast, you know, like, uh, I think we were thinking of maybe doing a car wash? I.

Aloysious J. Pig: Will. Not. A. Mission. Cause. Do you get me, producer? I will not be doing that.

Turkey: Duly noted. Um, then we were also thinking of, you know, uh, uh, going around and selling, uh, cookies to people, like boxes of cookies, people love boxes of cookies.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I, I, I do think that the, I, I love cookies, I know that, and I, I think everyone here, uh, understands, uh, the legal ramifications, uh, the, the, the, the, the girls, they don't go around and they sell the cookies every year, and then we can't, we can't, that, that tour-a-tour is taken. We can't jump in there, we're gonna, they're a very tough group, we're not gonna, I don't not wanna tussle with the cookie, cookie girls, so, uh, I think that's not a good idea either.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I don't wanna, this is an NTZ, uh, no tussling zone. Also, this is a, an I'm starving zone, because earlier we was talking about pasta, and then now we're talking about cookies. We're talking about cookies all of a sudden, so it's just like, that sounds like an entree and a dessert to me, which is a meal, and, uh, kind of where my mind is now, I've kind of given up on this whole, uh, room thing, this, this, this, this podcast manager help or whatever, and, uh, I think we should probably, uh, break for, for lunch, or whatever, what time is it? It's like three, three thirty? Okay, whatever, whatever. Three thirty? Yeah. So, what time do you think, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time do you think we should, uh, what time should meal people eat at, at, at three thirty? I, I don't know.

Doodle Poodle: So, are you telling me that I came all the way down here to have a meal and, you know, talk about a new podcast, and now all of a sudden you guys are just gonna go and have lunch or whatever. Three thirty meal, well. Yeah. I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I, I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us. But your, your voice is so loud. Oh, you're so loud. I, I'm sorry. for a 3.30 meal.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I'm not concerned about what the meal is, but I don't know if everybody else is here. I always don't like to detract from people who are here, especially people who are trying to help us, but your voice is grating. I don't know what it is about it, but I do feel like Aloysius, if we're going to start having people on the show, let's talk to them a little bit before we come in the studio so that we can tell producer, like, hey, do not record this. This is not going to sound good. He's pleasing to people's ears.

Doodle Poodle: I know. I've got more podcasting experience and skill and talent in my pinkie toe than you have. I'm going to all gather together. I don't appreciate what y'all are saying. I've got awards for podcasting. You understand?

Aloysious J. Pig: Turkey, come on!

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash WTPS.com. www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodlepoole, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Robot: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com

Doodle Poodle: … …

Unknown: … …

March 8, 2024
Bumperpodcast #402 – Season 2 – Story about 20 Years Ago

There is a little warning at the beginning of the episode this week, as Natty answers a listener question about where he was on 9/11. Nothing horrible is said, but — I wanted to let you know the topic, as it can be upsetting. ❤️
The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar Another story about saving baby animals! A feel good story! Previous episode!
Podcast: Download | Embed
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[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” toggle_icon_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” toggle_icon_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_color3=” hover_colors=” hover_font_color=” hover_background_color=” hover_toggle_icon_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” template_class=” av_uid=’av-ku733er2′ sc_version=’1.0′ admin_preview_bg=”] [av_toggle title=’Show Transcript:’ tags=” custom_id=” av_uid=’av-ku733cro’ sc_version=’1.0′] Natty Bumpercar 0:00 Today’s episode comes with a little bit of a trigger warning. I’m going to talk about 911 September 11 2001 somebody asked me about my experience and I thought it’d be easier for me just to talk through it then to type everything out because it was an eventful day not just for me but for the world obviously. But just so you know. So, I lived in Brooklyn, in a place called the East Williamsburg industrial park. Nowadays everybody you’ve heard of Williamsburg probably it’s like hipster capital central central capital whatever. You take the the El train over from you get over there and we’re in Williamsburg and but at the time I lived in East Williamsburg which was factories and stuff the building I lived in it was an illegal loft, which is fun. Across the street was that where they put all the dump trucks for the night that’s where they slept the dump trucks, the garbage trucks I want to be specific because dump trucks they don’t smell that bad garbage trucks smell horrific and bring along a lot of vermin a lot of rats also in my neighborhood, and maybe I’ll go more into depth about this another time but there were packs of wild dogs that would just roam the streets and it was and and people would go to this neighborhood to set cars on fire it was it was a wasteland It was a terrifying place but it was also kind of magical the the apartment that we had but just an old building, it was raw and we built our space out and I had your two stories because that I built because the ceilings are so high and my office was on the second and I had a slide a spiral slide that that came down from the top to the bottom and it was deep but that’s where I was I was in East Williamsburg and the morning that it happened my roommate kind of came and grabbed me and he’s like hey, come up to the roof something something weirds happening. And so I ran up and you know, the first tower was was already smoking and everything and it was just like oh, this is this is weird. I’m gonna run back downstairs and we turn the TV on and I grabbed my camcorder and I ran back upstairs and we were all standing up there and there’s a crowd of people on the roof at that point we’re all watching and I’m filming and because at the time I worked at the New York Times and in the the photos and graphics division, and I was like and I really honestly I didn’t think anything crazy. Like I don’t even know if I knew what happened to the first hour that’s that point I saw there’s a fire in the World Trade Center This is That’s crazy. Look at this look at that smoke Wow. And didn’t even really think about people being hurt and everything because it was just like, you know fires happen in New York City and skyscrapers it’s certainly scary and precarious but I think it’s gonna be Oh my god. Just sec second tower. There isn’t there’s got just got hit. And I was filming. And so then at that point, that’s when Yeah, your whole body just kind of it’s a shutter. It was just a chill like a gut feeling. my now wife, then girlfriend worked in the city in Manhattan on Spring Street, and that’s if you need a location, it’s kind of it’s Southern Manhattan. So it’s it’s not very far from all the shenanigans, all the badness. And so first thought was, how do I get in touch with her? I start calling and calling and calling and I can’t get her. At the time we had two very close friends living in the city very near to me, and I had a truck that I would zoom around and his name is Gomez, gogo Gomez and silver truck. And so I called the friend and I was like are you seeing this? Do you see what I’m coming over and drove over and his his girlfriend also worked in Manhattan. So now it’s the two of us and we’re trying to get in touch with to find these people. These close people of ours that are in the city. You’re it’s it’s, it was a real moment of like, you know, you have to think about what’s happening you have to process what’s happening, but you also have to like, figure out how to get your people safe. The people you love safe. And I don’t really and cell phones were basically non existent. Like it was the the system was down. The traffic was everywhere. There’s cars, gridlock, there’s people just in the streets. And eventually, we found his girlfriend and I don’t remember how that happened. But we found her and we got her in the car. And then we went to the Manhattan Bridge, I think it was the Manhattan and not the Brooklyn I think was a Manhattan Bridge. But there were just just droves of people coming across the bridge. And you know, we kept trying to text and call and everything. And this was I had a Nokia we did have a I have a razor is crazy old phones. No, I think it was it was this Nokia and it was called like it was like a candy bar. And it was this little plastic phone. And it was bright yellow. And I think the back had fallen off. And it was it was it was great because it just kept going and kept doing it. But it was it was it was a little bit of a wreck that phone. But I think I finally managed to text her. You know, like, have friends in truck. base of bridge, we’ll wait we’ll find you whatever. And it was a tense few hours, you know, and so we finally found her and then we’re all in the truck. And we were all starving because it was later in the day at that point and we ate I feel like we ate at McDonald’s and it was a weird thing because that’s not really someplace we ate. But it was it felt very, for lack of a better term jingoistic like we it made us feel like America like Uh huh, what’s happening? Oh, eat at McDonald’s. That’ll make things it didn’t make it better, but, and then you’re glued to the television, really? And trying to take it all in and contacting relatives who aren’t in the city and know you are in this city. That was another mad rush of people calling or texting. Are you okay? Is everything okay? No, it’s not. I as I said, I saw I worked at the New York Times. And I couldn’t get into the city that day, because they closed off all the bridges and everything in the trains and everything shut down. But when I finally was, I think it was the next day that I was able to get into the city. And I was talking to somebody about this recently, that I worked something like 35 straight days, like every single day. And these were long shifts too, because it just the amount of information, the amount of images and just everything that were coming through our pipeline to get out to other papers across the world was was massive. And I feel like the way I got into the city if my brain is right, is I rode my bike up over the Queen’s was a 50/51 Street Bridge 54th Street, 57th Street, there’s a bridge up there that I went across. Yeah, it’s the 59th Street Bridge, the Queensboro Bridge, kind of near Long Island City kind of over I don’t know it, but I that’s what it is. So I was able to ride across on my bike and get to the times building and basically to stay there. And my experience is slightly different from a lot of people. Everyone’s experience is different, obviously. But being in that building and being so tied to the news and all the images that are coming in. And many images that couldn’t be published or couldn’t be sent out for print or anything was intense, and it really kind of mess my brain up because I’m seeing things that are truly horrific. And then also doing it every single day it meant you didn’t have a second to really kind of take a breath or bounce back or anything like that. And yeah, it was just constantly being exposed to these things. Speaking of exposed and this is is a really terrible thing in the city and this was for a while there was it I mean it was basically smoke but it felt like you know just smog or whatever but it was just this pervasive ever present just white ish cloudy I don’t know bro that was there for a while but much worse than that even was the smell the burning you know like the electrical burning just the building burning metal and glass and whatever and at that hung in the air for a long time and it’s weird I think it was like a week or two ago there was a fire and it was probably like 10 miles from my house 810 miles but it was an industrial fire and it was I was I was walking to get the kid at school or something like that and I got hit by this smell and you know they always say that smell is one of the most powerful triggers of memory or whatever but man that smell hit me and I was I was right back and that it was it was I don’t know it’s I don’t know how you do but the way i i i like to experience things and sometimes I’ll take a step back and I’ll look at how long the experience things and I’ll try to figure out how I’m experiencing them and why I’m experiencing them in that way and maybe why my brain is thinking of x y and z and why banjo loves to bark every time I’m doing a podcast like these are just things that I think of and that’s okay but yeah, it was 20 years ago and it it still weighs heavily on my heart and on my mind and every so often depends like you know if I am thinking about something or whatever like I can definitely still like it a little early and get upset by the whole thing oh you know as I should. It was a terrible day. It was a it was a day that I think a lot of stuff changed the world and not not for the better certainly. But that’s for another day. Speaking of another day, really quick I want to address the last podcast I had a song and some people got very worried about me. They were like are you okay? It sounds very sad. It sounds very ominous. And it was not my intention. I always I was kind of trying to I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the Willy Wonka movie The first one the original one but there’s a there’s a scene where Wonka is on a boat kind of thing in the chocolate river with all the kids and he’s singing this song and it also is pretty ominous also if I’m if I’m To be honest, but that was kind of like I was trying to try to capture that in a way and and I made the song up on the spot so there was no intentionality behind it. There was no like, I’m gonna sit down and write out this sad, you know, skit wherever I was. So I apologize if if I made anyone upset or worried. And now we’re doing this episode. Maybe next I think next episode, let’s get back to the fun. What do you think of that? I think that would be amazing. I would love that it’s October it’s rocktober. Let’s kick out the jams. Let’s raise the roof. I mean, is this the bumper podcast? Or is this the bumper podcast? It is the bumper podcast. And you guys have my bumper podcast, cut tears. And I want you all to take a minute today. Take a deep breath. Look at the sky, right? Or look at the mirror, look at yourself, and just give yourself a hug. Because the world is a lot and you need to take care of yourself. That’s important, you’re important. And you need to take care of yourself. Okay? And if you ever get you know, a little too if things are too bunu then, you know, send me an email and well I know I’ll try like helping people that’s what I do. And, and you guys helped me everyday by listening to this and I appreciate it. And now I’m gonna go drink some tea because that’s what I do. That’s what I do. Outro 15:26 The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com. forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius JPG Rufus t Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar calm slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on instagram and twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. NonPro 16:45 This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Frank blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but asked before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com [/av_toggle] [/av_toggle_container]

September 30, 2021
Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

Today, we get a visit from a sick little bug. I love it when we have guests – but, now I’m off to clean my equipment!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this charming episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers a sick bug in his home and decides to help rather than squish it. He has a delightful conversation with Zippy the Bug, a young bed bug who stayed home from bug school due to illness from staying up too late at bug parties. Zippy reveals he can't fly but can climb walls, and has mysteriously forgotten his siblings' names after just two days. After safely releasing Zippy outside, Natty reflects on the season of sickness, shares a story about his son sleeping on the bathroom floor, and teaches listeners about the phrase "cold feet" (or "kolde fader" in Danish). The episode wraps with Natty's ongoing saga of Popcorn the dog eating everything and an expensive vet visit.

Memorable Quotes

“We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't make any sense. We're really good friends because I made you feel bad.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I went to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #bugs #friendship #compassion #idioms #parenting #pets #health

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Zippy the Bug (Guest)

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um what's um hi uh everybody there's a little bug next to me and i don't i don't know if i should squish it or if i should take it outside what do you what do you think little bug you don't know um well what would you rather would you rather be squished or would you rather go outside and live a life on a bush or a tree outside you'd rather go outside what now why is that are you afraid to be squished yes oh well that makes me kind of sad okay well then little bug i'm gonna pick you up uh with this napkin because i don't really want to touch you and i'm gonna just gently take you all the way outside okay now what are you gonna do when you're outside you don't know are you gonna go find your friends maybe yeah what do bugs do with their

Zippy the Bug (Guest): friends i don't really know do you go to like bug parties i don't know i don't guess i don't think

Natty Bumpercar: so do you play bug games yeah i guess wait why are you you seem like a young bug why are you at home today and not at bug school because i'm sick you're sick that's so sad how did you get sick

Zippy the Bug (Guest): i think from like staying up really late

Natty Bumpercar: oh so you were out at a big bug party last night doing bug dances and doing bug prances and doing all the things that all the bugs want to do is that what you're doing yeah i guess oh well i'm sorry you don't feel good did you take some medicine yeah that's good what what is bug medicine like what does it taste like i don't really know kind of yucky yeah i guess are you gonna have to go to the bug doctor no the bug is the bug ambulance gonna come pick you up and take you to the bug hospital no whew thank goodness because i don't think we have bug insurance um so tell me a little bit about your bug life do you how is bug school

Zippy the Bug (Guest): it's good it's good what do you study in bug school

Natty Bumpercar: i don't really know you don't remember yeah oh okay i understand how is your bug teacher she's she's fine well that's nice do you have any bug friends that fly yeah i guess and do you can you fly no do you just kind of can you hop or do you just kind of scurry around i just kind of like scurry around um do you stick to walls or anything or like are your feet sticky can you like climb things yeah whoa that's good you don't bite do you no oh thank goodness oh i didn't even i don't know why i didn't ask that first i don't want to get bit by a bug wait a minute you don't ever go into a bed do you yeah i go in my bed so wait if you're in your bed are you a bed bug yeah no i don't like bed bugs they're the worst oh you're not the worst though are you yeah i'm not the worst you seem like a pretty cool bug to me mm-hmm yeah well thank goodness well listen bug uh i'm just gonna pick you up with this napkin okay so be careful don't don't move around too fast i don't want to hurt you okay all right ready one two all right i scooped you up and we're gonna walk you out side and okay bug we'll see you later okay okay bye feel better all right

Zippy the Bug (Guest): okay

Natty Bumpercar: take your bug medicine and listen to your bug parents right yeah wait real quick before you go do you have any bug brothers or sisters yeah all right what what do you have uh like a brother and sister oh really oh that's nice what are their names

Zippy the Bug (Guest): um well i really remember because like they were i was like super for like two days and

Natty Bumpercar: Two whole days? Yeah. Oh, no. And you forgot your brother and sister's name already?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. What is your name? I just realized I didn't even ask you that. Zippy. Oh, Zippy the bug. That's a great name for a bug. Oh, okay. Well, if I let you out here, do you think you can find your family? Yeah. Okay. Because I don't want you to get lost or anything. Hey, listen. If you ever need anything, you can come back and just ring the doorbell and I'll come and answer, okay?

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Okay. Alright.

Natty Bumpercar: Alright. We'll see you later, Zippy the bug. Feel better. Okay. Bye.

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Bye.

Natty Bumpercar: Holy cow, Bumper Podcast. I didn't expect that at all. We had a fun guest stop by. Zippy the bug. Love Zippy the bug. I'm sorry that Zippy doesn't feel well. It was also, I was very sad that Zippy doesn't remember the name of his brother and sister. It was very, that worries me. I hope he's alright. I think after I finish recording this podcast that I'm gonna go and check on Zippy and make sure that he's okay. When I was holding onto him, I could tell he has a little temperature and I don't have a bug thermometer or anything, but I could just kind of tell by the way he was, he seemed like he was moving kind of slow, a little bit groggy, and he just evened through the napkin. A little bit warm. A little bit warm. It's that kind of season though, right? It's the time of year where a lot of people are getting sick. There's stomach bugs going around. Oh, a stomach bug. Wait a minute. That's not that kind of bug at all. Then there's like little colds, little fevers, and all this poor, poor people getting feeling, feeling rough by my, we have Oliver who's the younger, and then Emerson who's the older, and last week Emerson had a bit of a stomach problem, and he had to come home from school and there was one night where he didn't feel good, and I ended up, we both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor because it was cool, and he said that made him feel better, and because he wanted to be in there, just in case things happened. I don't need to talk about what things happened, but just in case things happened, and we'll leave it at that. But luckily, knock on wood, he feels better, and his brother Oliver, he's done very fine, but now we got this Zippy the Bug feeling sick, so it's going around. Take care of yourself. Wash your hands. Wash your hands several times a day, and try not to touch your eyes or your nose. Keep your little fingers away from your face because that's how the germs will get in, and I don't want you to get sick. Okay? I want you to feel good because when you feel good, I feel awesome. I don't really know that. I'm assuming that. Yeah, I'm going to say that. If you feel good, then I feel good. Right? That's a good way to be. It's like if you see your friends doing well, if they're succeeding at something, if, you know, maybe if there's a school play and they get on the play, yeah, you gotta build them up because that's what friends do. You build each other up. You make each other feel good about things. I have some friends of mine and they don't always do that. It's more of a you knock your friends down a little bit and it's like, hey, man, that means we're really friends. And I'm like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't seem to make any sense at all. No, no, no, man, we're really good friends because I made you feel bad. That just seems like you're somebody who's who knows a lot about me and then uses that to make me feel rotten. I don't want to feel rotten. I'm not an egg. I don't think eggs want to feel rotten either, though. I don't want to I don't want to pigeonhole eggs into feeling a certain way. You know what, eggs? You do you. You go feel how you want to feel. Anyway, guys, this is the Bumper Podcast. I'm Natty Bumpercar and it's cold outside. I went to take the kids to school today and for some reason I forgot to wear shoes and to go from the front door into the car and then I do a drive-around drop-off and I forgot to wear shoes and I I was so cold. I was like, I wanted to cry. I was like, why wouldn't I wear shoes? I need shoes on my feet. But, you know, mistakes are made. That wasn't how we wanted to start the day, certainly, with cold feet. Have you ever heard the phrase cold feet? It's if, like, it's something that people say where if they're nervous to do something. Like, let's say you wanted to audition for the big school play, right, with your friend, but you didn't do it because you got nervous and so someone could say, oh, hey, why didn't you why didn't you go audition for the big school play? And you could be like, oh, I got cold feet. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm going to research. I'm going to do some research. We're going to learn on the Bumper Podcast. Well, did you guys realize that cold feet, it's kind of like anxiety. It's like you're having second thoughts. It's like you're feeling a little bit timid about something. Like you're almost weak in the knees about something. It's like you have reservations about something. It's, you want to back out of a situation that you're in. These are all various ways of saying you have cold feet. And so I found a definition for it. It's a phrase which refers to a person not going through with an action. You've got cold feet. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. You can have stage fright. That's another way of saying cold feet. And I don't know if I can, if I can find it. Ah, yes. This is my favorite. Here's how you say cold feet in Danish. Kolde fader. So, I think you should start saying that. Bumper Podcast Gatiers, we don't get cold feet. We get kolde fader. Why didn't you go to that big meeting? Kolde fader. Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader. That's so fun. I love that we learned something. We learned that bugs do in fact get sick and have to stay home from school and that they can in fact forget their brothers and sisters' names. And we also learned about cold feet. Kolde fader. And, you know, I think we had a nice time. Things I didn't tell you about. Well, Popcorn the dog continues to eat everything in the world. I took her to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat. And he looked at her and he looked at me and he said, Sir, that's clearly a dog. And I said, I think it's a goat. And he said, Dog. And I said, Goat. And we did that back and forth for a while. And then he said, Okay. Well then, take your dog and go. And the bill is $300. And I went to the front desk to pay and when they showed me that bill, I went to pull my wallet out and I didn't. Can you guess why? Kolde fader. Alright. Keep your feet warm. Go do what you're supposed to do. Don't get sick. Wash your hands. Looking out for you, Bumper Podcast. Looking out for you. You know why? Because you're the best.

Unknown: Thank you.

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February 21, 2020
Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

Pig seems kind of sad about Valentine’s day. So, Natty tries to cheer him up, a bit!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this heartwarming Valentine's Day episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig is feeling down about being the only pig in the house without a valentine. Host Natty Bumpercar helps Pig understand what Valentine's Day is really about, leading to a hilarious debate over whether it's pronounced "valentine" or "valentime." The duo explores the meaning of the holiday, from its origins with St. Valentine to what it means to spread love to everyone around you. Their conversation takes comedic turns through discussions of tree valentines, Danish pastries, and ultimately lands on an important message about self-love. Natty and Pig share laughs while reminding listeners that the most important valentine is yourself.

Memorable Quotes

“Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. You wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. T-I-M-E?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“It sounds like this is not a very exclusive club. Hey, look at that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? I guess you're my valentines now, huh?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #valentine'sday #self-love #friendship #holidays #loneliness #comedy #pronunciation

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: I guess I'm kind of sad, is the thing, and I just don't know what to talk to about it. Hey, Pig, what's up? Hey, Bumps, what's going on?

Natty Bumpercar: I, you just sound really, really sad, and I, why? What's going on, man?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand it, and I ain't got no valentine. Yeah. You know, I'm the only pig in the house, and so it's just always kind of a weird day for me, you know?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's, yeah, that makes sense, but here's the thing, Pig, is Valentine's Day is cool and everything, because it's a day where you can, like, show your love for other people and get little cards and get little candies and gifts. I love candy. I know you do. It's good. I do, too. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: But the thing is… You're going to say that I don't get nothing because… No, wait, what? No, I wasn't going to say that. Because nobody loves me? Pig. Is that what you was going to say? Pig. I'm a guy.

Natty Bumpercar: No, man, stop it. So, no, this is the thing. It doesn't… Valentine's Day is rough because it's, like, one day, and everybody focuses on it, and you're like, oh, I like this person on this day, but you like every… I like you every day. You're my valentine every single day.

Aloysious J. Pig: Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. No. Right? No. T-I-M-E?

Natty Bumpercar: It's not. And I was actually… It's weird because I was trying to say something nice to you, and you're derailing it with this, but valentime, I guess it makes sense because it's, like, time for valentines. Time, yeah. Valentines is what it is.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're on the same page here. No. It's valentimers. No, I said valentines.

Natty Bumpercar: An N, not an M, an N. Okay. Yeah, an N. I don't… Can we just… Okay, listen. Go ahead. So, here's the thing. Valentine's Day, according to my research, it was also called St. Valentine's Day, and it was based… Or the Feast of St. Valentine, so it's been around for many, many, many years, and I guess there was a dude named Valentine, and he got named after him. I don't know. It's one of those holidays. This isn't one of the ones, though. So, where they, like, Christmas, which is based on a solstice, or Easter, which is based on a solstice, this is… And a solstice is, like, some moon and sun stuff up there. This is just St. Valentine, dude. But it's basically… It's a day that's been built around just expressing your love for someone. Even me. Your friendship, your love, your gratitude, your… All these things. So, you can say, Happy Valentine's Day, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, who do I say it to? Because I don't understand who I'm supposed to say it to. Well… Is it gonna be awkward or weird? No. Or something? Are people gonna make fun of me?

Natty Bumpercar: No, Pig. I think people appreciate when you say it to them. I think it's kind of like a nice thing. You can just be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day. I think you can just kind of wander around. Today's one of those days where you can just be like, Hey, you!

Aloysious J. Pig: Happy Valentine's Day.

Natty Bumpercar: And then, here's the fear, though, because once you've opened that door to conversation, you don't know what's gonna come through that door. So, you could be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! And they could be like, Is it? Is it really? And then, you're like, Oh, no! Now, I'm in this conversation! Oh! But, you know what? That's fine. Let them get it off their chest. Don't let it stick to you, but, you know, just… Happy Valentine's… And then, you move on. Happy Valentine's Day! Is it? See you later! That's what you do. You run away from the situation. Which is a completely legitimate thing to do sometimes.

Aloysious J. Pig: So, wait. The other day, when you came in the room, and I was kind of quiet, and you was like, Sup, pig? And I said, Well, and then you turned and skadoot? Yeah. Is that what… Did you do that to me? Yeah. You didn't want to hear my props? Mate, I…

Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I was gonna say I was getting a phone call, but I was not getting a phone call. I just… I had a… Yes, I'm sorry. That's what I did to you, and I apologize. So, anyway. Back to who's gonna be your valentine. Pig, I could be your valentine. I would love to be your valentine.

Aloysious J. Pig: Would you like to be my valentine? Is that socially acceptable? Is this a norm? Can we… Is this okay for a pig and a gentleman such as you to be valentines?

Natty Bumpercar: Can we do that? Absolutely. Of course we can. I mean, that's the thing with Valentine's Day. Popcorn the dog, she's my valentine. My sweet, sweet kids, they're my valentines. All my bumper pod casketeers, you don't know it, but you're my valentines. Because it's just… It's anybody's… Everybody's my valentine. Anybody and everybody. We're all valentines around here.

Aloysious J. Pig: It sounds like this is not a very, um, exclusive club. Like, it's just… It's any… Hey, look at that, uh, that, that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, look at that ball by the curb. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? No. I guess you're my valentines now, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: So, no, that's not fair, because those are all inanimate objects.

Aloysious J. Pig: A leaf is clearly animate, sir. It's on a tree, which is a living being. And I believe that you are incorrect.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. You're starting to sound a lot like Rufus T. Rufus. I think you're hanging out with a lawyer too much there, pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: Actually, I've been doing a lot of research on pig law because I think that there's a niche in the market that a lot of pigs are unrepresented. And, uh, so, just branching out as I do.

Natty Bumpercar: As you do. Well, so, okay, fine. So, no, a ball or a cheese doodle, I guess they could be your valentine if you want. But, uh, I'm not gonna stop you, clearly. The leaf. I mean, a tree would be a great valentine. It's there. You can come and visit it. You can give it a hug. You can tell it nice things. You can tell it secrets. And a tree is gonna hold on to all that. I would love to have a tree as a valentine. But I think, most importantly, so… What? Do you want to be my valentine?

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, uh, so, huh. After you kind of said, like, everything in the whole planet is your valentine, it soured it a little bit for me. But I guess, sure. I don't want to, like, let you down, because I don't want to make you sad or nothing. But I got to ask, is it, like, contractually binding? Like, if I'm your valentine, can I then be somebody else's valentine or whatever?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, yeah, of course. You can have many valentines. That's the cool thing. Because you're just spreading the love out. You're just sending it out to the world. Have a great… It's kind of like saying, have a great day. You're like, happy valentine. But in that second… That's how it works. It's a quick transference project. It's happy valentine. Boom, you're my valentine. And then if you turn, happy valentine. Boom, now you're my valentine. It's like this. It's moving around, right? But you leave a little bit of residual valentine with the people. So it's going everywhere. So…

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, this seems kind of strange.

Natty Bumpercar: Really?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it does. I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, it's because it's like, all right, fine, cool. This is very noncommittal. Like, I didn't want it to get into, like, being, like, a contract. Like, you're my one and only valentine for the rest of forever. But also, this now feels completely opposite. Like, we went the other direction. Where it's just like, ah, for this half a second, sure, you're my valentine. Okay, now that dog over there, that's my valentine. It's like, you know, I need a little bit in the middle. Kind of in the middle there. If we could figure out a way to take your extreme, take that extreme, put them in the middle, and then I think we'll be set. Fine. That makes sense.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But, yes, fine. That makes sense. So, I don't know how we want to do that. Are there going to be rules? Like, will we have to, like, limit how many people we valentine? Or is there, like, a time limit where it's just like, you can't happy valentine people, you have to wait, like, 30 seconds or something like that? Or a minute? Or, I don't know, like, what kind of structure we're going to do to meet the middle, as you were saying.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think that's going to be tough. Maybe we're not going to get it done this year. It seems like kind of a big project. But, I feel, you know, I just think, like, we can work on it. It's another, it's a, we can work on figuring some rules out. Let's just hammer some rules out. And then we memorialize them. We put them in a document. And then we have meetings. Probably some meetings. And maybe rent a room to have a meeting in. There's a lot of meetings

Natty Bumpercar: happening right now, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Well, I do, I love having meetings because usually there's Danish meetings.

Natty Bumpercar: You know how I love a Danish. You do love a Danish. All right, but for now, fine. We'll figure out some sort of structures. Some sort of rules for Valentine's Day. And we can figure out if we have anything in the budget for meetings and Danish. And, but I think for now, for today, I want everybody listening and everybody not listening. Have a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you did the wide net there thing again.

Aloysious J. Pig: And you just did everybody listening. Everybody not listening. Hey, hey, ooh, hi. Everybody in the whole wide world. Like, it's just, let's target focus a little bit.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, so to everyone listening, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day ever. And I hope you feel loved and I hope you feel appreciated. And I hope you feel awesome because listen, every morning when you wake up, if you look around and if you feel sad and you're like, oh, Valentine's Day, this is a rough day. I don't have anybody that loves me. Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. All right, because you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You. You go to bed. You know who's there? You are. So try to be nice to yourself, especially today. It's great to have Valentine, to walk around and say Happy Valentine's Day to people and just to share that love or whatever. But you got to make sure that you give a little bit of that love back. So go to a mirror after you listen to this podcast if you can find one and look at it and just say Happy Valentine's Day and give yourself a big smile because you're the Valentine that's always going to be there for you that knows you're like the tree. You know all your secrets. You know all your wants, all your desires, all your hopes, all your fears. It's all there. And so you got to take care of yourself because otherwise, what do you got? What do you got? You're out there.

Aloysious J. Pig: You got a Danish, maybe?

Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no Danish. Oh, okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: I was hoping for a Danish. Well, you got very, you got very, I don't know what you just got, I don't know what you just got there, but you got very, very, very real, Bumpercar. We went from kind of a silly thing about a pig in Valentine's to, you know, and I agree with you. People aren't nice enough to themselves. And in this world, you know, you got to be nice to yourself because there's a lot of things out there that ain't going to feel good and that ain't going to be nice to you. So on this Valentine's Day, I like what you're doing, Bums. You took it back to another extreme. Instead of loving everybody, just make sure you love yourself, okay? And then when you do that, then other people are going to love you. It's just like a, it's like a thing. I don't know. I ain't got terms for this. I didn't go to no psychology school.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's tough. I, it's, it's, it's, yeah. I was trying to bring it back to the tree because we were talking about the tree earlier with the leaf and like, maybe like the seed, like the acorns or like the seeds or, you know, whatever. And, you know, I don't, but I had a hard time with that.

Aloysious J. Pig: It's like, happy Valentine's. Make like a tree and leaf. That wasn't nice. Hey, like, what's a tree that has acorns? Hey, happy Valentine's Day. You're nuts. Like, that's not nice either. No. Happy Valentine's Day. My, my, my bark is worse. That's for a dog. This is for a dog. My bark is worse than my bite. No, that don't work neither. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, I, uh, I can't think of one with oak. Oak, you sure you want to be my Valentine? I don't know. It just, it's very silly. I don't, I'm trying to, I don't know any other trees is what I just realized. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pining for you. Happy Valentine's Day. Magnolia, be my Valentine's? That's not one either. Happy Valentine's Day. Dogwood trees have flowers. No. Happy Valentine's Day. Ash trees.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Have papery bark. No.

Natty Bumpercar: That's, I think I'll let you go on with that quite long. Enough. Um, happy Valentine's Day. Um. Oh, my love is like deep seeded roots for you. There's, that's one. I, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Listen, Bumper Podcast. Thank you so much for listening as always. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, pig is my current Valentine. But if I see you on the street, I'll certainly say happy Valentine's Day to you. And, uh, have a great day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Love everyone. Please. We need more of that in the world. Please, please, please. And if you can, try to have some chocolate. Chocolate's good. Chocolate's good. If you can't have chocolate, I don't know, draw yourself a nice picture or have a nice water. Have a nice water. Happy Valentine's Day. Have some water.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's a terrible slogan.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's why I don't do the marketing. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Water? I, I think you were better off with the tree thing. Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right.

Natty Bumpercar: We better leave, huh? Okay. We're back to that. All right. Uh, pig, I hope you feel better and thank you for being my Valentine's. I love you. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I love you too, man.

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February 14, 2020
Bumperpodcast #339 – Santa Claus?!

Holy cow! Holy cow! Holy cow!! We have a tremendously awesome guest on the show today. It’s – Santa Claus!!! Hooray!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

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December 12, 2018