Tag: clean podcast

Bumperpodcast #394 – Season 2 – Moondoggie and Monster

The show is taken over by Moondoggie and Monster in the Morning! Wait who in the beans are ‘Moondoggie and Monster’ — and what’s a ‘morning’?!?

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

Show Transcript:

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June 1, 2021
Bumperpodcast #393 – Season 2 – Toe

It has been way too long. Let me explain why – oh – why. ❤️ The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

About This Episode

In this personal episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares stories from his recent whirlwind trip to Georgia. Natty recounts helping his childhood best friend clean out his parents' house in Macon, Georgia, triggering waves of nostalgia from their friendship that began in traumatic swim lessons at age four. The episode features humorous tales of Southern food adventures including barbecue, Brunswick stew, and a leaky fried chicken restaurant, followed by a grueling 25-hour drive to Boulder, Colorado. Between managing his clumsy cone-wearing puppy Banjo, dealing with a broken trampoline, and hosting a virtual drawing session for schoolchildren, Natty ends the episode explaining how he broke his pinky toe by walking into a cabinet.

Memorable Quotes

“They put us at the deep end of the pool… walked up behind us and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we learned to swim… that's a scary way to learn how to swim.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“He's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf… he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet… I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around… Banjo came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #friendship #nostalgia #travel #southernfood #childhoodmemories #pets #injury

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Well now I went down to Georgia for a while for about four days and now I forgot how to talk because sometimes when I go back home I just start talking like I used to talk which was kind of like this. It wasn't exactly like this but it was kind of like this and I wait a minute no that's not did I? I mean I did go to Georgia. I was there for for three days two days. It was I had the craziest trip you guys. I know you probably like bumper car. You can't just put out an episode a month. I understand that. I know that but life has been coming at me crazy fast. So here's what's been going on. Step one I had to fly to Georgia to help my best friend out. We had to clean his pants. We had to clean his parents house out. We had a I flew to Georgia and then we drove to a place called Macon Georgia. Macon Bacon. Macon Trouble. Macon Macon. Yeah I don't know um and and we we got a 20 foot uh tall. No that'd be amazing. Do you do you know that you know the difference between tall and long? Uh probably right? Like your height that's how tall you are. Your arms if you stretch them out that's how long I don't know. Hard to explain but you know when you're driving down the road and you see a big truck and it's really long or a train that's really long that's that's that's long. That's not a good description is it? Huh that's fine too. Anyway it was a 20 foot long truck and I mean come to think of it it was probably like 12 or 13 feet tall. It was pretty tall and we emptied out the entire house and we were straightening and cleaning and going room by room. And and and getting rid of stuff um because his mom moved to where he lives and so they were getting rid of the house and it was there were emotions. I had emotions. There was a lot of nostalgia. We we drove around. I've known this friend since we were four years old. I used to say three years old but he contends that it was four or five years old and so now I'm like what? Oh so I did give a little bit of ground on the three so now I'll say four. We met when we were um in swim lessons and this is how the swim lessons used to go so just get ready kids. They put us at the deep end of the pool and our swim instructor was this woman and I can't remember her name but she walked up behind us in the deep end of the pool. A four year old. Several of us and put her hand on her back our backs and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we we learned to swim and then she had this thing that she would kind of reach out into the pool and pull us back and and that's not that's a scary way to learn how to swim. I'm just gonna tell you. And so it was through that trauma through that trial by fiery water that we we bonded and we became pals and so this house it I spent more time in this house growing up than in any other house and um so there were a lot of emotions involved with that just you know walking room to room and uh they have a a separate little room it's a bonus room is what they call it oh look at this your house has a bonus room and it's above the garage and it was never finished it was kind of like a big storage area and um it has this smell and it's not a bad smell it's just like when I open the door to look in and see how much stuff I have I'm like oh my god I'm so I was hit by this smell now smell is cool for memory um like you can walk into someplace or and you can smell something and and your mind will just get flooded with all these memories where you're like I remember you know this place and you can just close your eyes and you just know where you are and it's it's just so cool and so that's how it was and we uh so we were down there and we were in the pool and we were like oh my god I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so excited we're we're packing stuff we get the truck uh we're going to all these places like to eat like you know oh remember this place let's go get food there or whatever and um one of the places i went by myself well i had a big food day which i do not recommend because my tummy still hurts where we had um barbecue and we had something called brunswick stew which is made in brunswick georgia and it's it's this stewy thing that you get at barbecue places and it's so good and after that i went and i got curly fries seasoned curly fries from this place that i really like and then after that i went to another place a fried chicken place and i didn't get fried chicken but i did get a honey buttered biscuit oh it was so good and uh an order of fried okra which is um magical thing and really one of the only ways i'll eat okra because have you ever had okra it's it can be a little creepy if i'm gonna be completely honest um i do like pickled okra but only on very rare occasions uh stewed okra no thank you too slimy too creepy you keep that over there fried okra every day my friend but i'm standing there and well first when i walk into the uh the fried chicken place you know sometimes when you go to stores people will say something like how are you welcome to my store hello customer hello friend whatever it is uh all she said and she just yelled at she she said um what are you having and i was like ah that's a lot of pressure like i want i didn't get to acclimate i didn't get to get my my feet wet but i did almost get my feet wet because about five feet to the right of the register uh where you're you know where you're going to get your food and get your stuff and she's like oh you're an expert so he's like what just friends i'm like realized that we didn't know what it was and so then we had a sir cramp and i thought to myself that i was going to get my phone bill here you know buying the stuff there's a there was a giant hole in the ceiling um where there's all these exposed uh like air conditioner pipes and there was all this water falling not even just dripping but kind of raining and it wasn't raining outside this was internal raining and there was a giant puddle on the floor so there was a there was a big pan that was full of this sealing water and then there was a big puddle on the floor and the whole time i was i like experiences and to me this is an adventure and an experience i'm getting off so i'll very soon without the trip so i'm going to maybe come back so i'll take me there now if somebody's gonna buy me a little bit and to me this is an adventure and experience and I was just like this this is what I want in the world I want weird stuff like this um and what I ended up with uh not gonna lie again a stomach ache and then that night we went to uh downtown Macon which I mean it existed as a thing but it didn't exist like this and we saw a friend and we had dinner outside and there were lights and it was gorgeous and it was the best thing ever anyway loaded the truck and drove all the way to Boulder Colorado 25 hours so far unloaded the truck returned the truck flew back home so tired but good happy right yeah and then on top of that uh my little puppy dog Banjo who's a pointer he had to go get um a little medical procedure done because he's at that certain puppy dog age he's running around the house with a cone and he's already a pretty clumsy dog right he runs into stuff but now he's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf that's like the bottom back of your leg and it hurts so bad and he's very he's not aggressive about it but he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard I'm gonna continually hit you hey guess what I'm still hitting you and it hurts a lot um but that's okay because he just loves that much right and that's a sweet thing what else is going on well our trampoline broke so that's no good because the kids go on it every single day and our neighbor kids go on it too dun dun dun how did it break well trampolines have these cool poles that go around that have a net somehow they broke one of the poles that's broken cool can we fix that I don't know oh but wait hey look we also somehow managed to put a rip in the actual trampoline okay trampoline is gone then no more trampolines so I have to figure that out and then we're gonna have a yard sale in a couple weeks and then I'm doing all this fun stuff for the school I got to do a virtual it was like an hour long draw along with my kids uh school it was like first graders second graders third graders they were and uh we we drew something for the art teacher and it was really fun and it was really it was a great time and I want to do that more often speaking of that I'm going to show you a little bit of a video of me doing a little bit of a thing more often I want to thank Jessica Sager she is our first Patreon Patreoner Patreonee person who Patreons I don't know how it works but it's fun I didn't say her name last time because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to but then I saw she's at the level I'm supposed to talk about her up and down so Jessica Sager you're the best everybody go to patreon.com slash natty bumper car if you want I'd love it I mean I love you regardless but I would super love that it'd be cool um and then this episode is called toe why because I broke my toe today my little toe my pinky toe on my right foot is that nice no how did I do that I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet and it I I was on the ground I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around like and then you know what happened of course no Rufus T. Rufus didn't show up neither did Pig but Banjo my dog he came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

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May 19, 2021
Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

Memorable Quotes

“Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

Unknown: . . .

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August 4, 2020
Bumperpodcast #291 – Weekend Special

A little weekend special about twitters, and this, and that. Also another special guest pops in at the end!

Do you like weekends? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this special weekend edition of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar apologizes for missing last week's episode and shares his exhausting adventures in solo parenting. While his wife attends a conference, Natty deals with sleepless nights caused by his children's sniffles, including a heart-stopping 11:30 PM wake-up call that left him completely disoriented. He also discusses his experiments with Twitter engagement, a relaxing dentist appointment (complete with cavity concerns), and his attempt at live-tweeting his two-hour bedtime struggle. The episode features a surprise guest appearance from one of Natty's children, who shares stories about rock climbing with an auto belay system and visiting the pool.

Memorable Quotes

“I honestly thought I was having a heart attack because I was so deep asleep and I was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish… and he screamed and I hit the ceiling.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“In my house sniffles are almost like the end of the world. When one of them has sniffles all bets are off—there will be no sleep, no peace, no happiness, no joy.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity, I'm a cavity creep. 2017, can't we do something better about cavities? UV lights? Lasers?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #socialmedia #twitter #dentist #rockclimbing #children #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Natty Bumpercar's child

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and it is a weekend edition a surprise weekend edition because i blacked out and completely missed last week and i don't know what happened but i was just like i've got time i miss i miss i miss my peeps i miss my peeps you guys are my peeps we don't want to be your peeps well too bad you're my peeps hey what up peeps that's a hard p p peeps i uh i i had a weird fun week so i uh one thing i i'm just gonna run through my list of cool things i uh i i tweeted i tweeted a tweet and um it got like all these uh likes and retweets and stuff and i was like interesting and so then a couple days later i uh i tried again i went out and i i i followed the same scenario uh whereby i found a very hot twitter uh twitter tweet that a lot of people were interacting with and liking and retweeting and i put a pithy comment into that and uh this is because it had worked before and uh it got 450 likes and uh 50 retweets and nothing you know no one no followers that doesn't happen that's fine uh but it's neat to see uh how things work or don't work you know depending on your view for me i was just like oh this is cool all these people like stuff my phone is blown up blown up so then last night uh the wife has been away she's been in a conference that's been me and the kids and uh they don't sleep necessarily she left on thursday at uh she she was up at 4 like 15 in the morning it's been i was basically up at 4 15 in the morning uh and then she left at 508 at 5 12 the kids got up that's early that's an early early time to wake up um and then that night uh the kids had a hard time going to bed this is thursday night and then one of them woke up screaming ah at 11 30 at night i had been asleep at that point for 1.5 hours an hour and a half and he screamed so loud and so that i was up i thought i i honestly uh and i don't say this often i thought i was having a heart attack because i was so deep asleep and i was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish we'll say uh and right when something terrible was about to happen so i was already a little bit amped up in my dream and screamed and i was like oh i hit the ceiling i got i ran i was so out of sorts and confused and i was just like what what's going what happened what's the matter he's just like i've got sniffles it's like what sniffles in my house are almost like the end of the world when one of them has sniffles all bets are off uh there will be no sleep there will be no peace there will be no happiness there will be no joy because sniffles are in the house so i had to gather my myself gather my brain and then i went and i found some of the that vapor rub so i sm i slathered that all over him which then causes a freak out because he doesn't like stuff being slathered so like lotion uh you know soap whatever conditioner in his hair that oh it feels weird ah but you know you can't breathe let's put this on you we'll see what happens you're good to go wasn't enough was not enough uh so we're trying to blow nose not experts at blowing noses yet uh so then i run downstairs and i get some uh some medicine now we have a couple of different uh kid medicines they're all homeopathic stuff uh so one of them has melatonin in it it's like dark honey and uh echinacea and melatonin whatever and it's supposed to like soothe the throat and help them sleep but the thing was by that time it was already 12 15 and i didn't want to give him that because if it forced him to sleep he would have to go to sleep and then he's not gonna get up in the morning and he's got to go to school can't miss school for a sniffle uh excuse me mr bumper car why wasn't your son here at school today oh well he had the sniffles oh really bring him in now please so i knew i couldn't do that one and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the dark honey i don't know why everything's dark honey what's dark honey dark honey it's like dark matter it's like the bees no dark honey exists and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the but they can't quite find it well it's in my medicine cabinet so and he's not a huge fan of the of the dark honey to be honest but then there's another one that is more for uh for congestion and for sniffles and so i got that and here you go and then about an hour later he went to sleep that point i'm pretty i'm pretty wide awake all the adrenaline is you know still flowing so from 11 30 12 31 about 132 i get back to sleep good for me uh six o'clock they woke up which was nice that's that six o'clock is late it's perfect i was a little tired though friday was a little bit of a tired day for me luckily uh i had a dentist appointment in the morning so i took them to school came home and uh kind of just sat partially comatose in the corner until it's time to go to the dentist and then i go and i you know what i do i i rest i nap dentist for me so far knock on wood has been a good experience not a horrifying bad scary experience let's keep that up teeth let's keep it up although they did take x-rays and they were like you see this that shadow is the beginning of a cavity i was just like oh no i don't want any more cavities i look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity i'm a cavity creep can't stand them disgusting 2017 can't we do something better about cavities i don't know uv lights lasers i don't know so but the dentist was fine so the kids the kids were good so i tell you that story because then last night uh they went to their their their their uh grandparents house that night uh which left me friday night to have a lot of fun do a lot of things like you know cleaning laundry falling asleep at 9 30 what whoop whoop whoop whoo like that um and then saturday i got up and when i went up to pick them up and uh and last night i could tell we were in for a night we were in for a real night because they were kind of a little tired a little overtired uh but the sniffles were still there the sniffles were there in full effect i'm not gonna lie the sniffles were they were serious business and so i i was just like all right we're gonna do everything now we're gonna we're gonna give you medicine we're gonna slather we're gonna blow some teeth and we started to go to bed at 8 12 i got them upstairs day 12 we brushed teeth we got into pajamas uh laid down i was in the room for two hours trying to soothe everyone trying to calm everyone trying to get everybody to go to sleep one of the kids and so what i started doing i had a fun time with it so that i wouldn't go crazy is i uh i live tweeted it and i was trying to i would read about threading tweets which is where you like write a tweet and then you uh reply to yourself but you cut out the name and you put the your new tweet in so it becomes like this uh a string like a thread and uh i it was fun i did like 16 of them and i it was you should go read it whatever my way uh natty bumper car twitter and um but then i think i read i think i might have done it wrong i wasn't threading properly i improperly threaded uh because i'm new to this i wish i would have known more but i was i was in a bit of a hurried state a harried state as well hey what's going on you want to talk now you don't want to talk uh we got another uh two minutes i was telling the story about last night how you're uh you had the sniffles and how you had you woke up oh and then last night once i got once i got them to bed i was asleep and at 11 30 again the door opens their bedroom door opens and it was you no it wasn't then who was it i don't know oh and you know who was by the door oliver's bear barry he was right by the door do you think he opened the door i don't know it was exciting though oh you want to listen okay we got new uh covers for the earphones don't those feel much better the old ones were like 10 years old and they were they were the old uh foamy foamy things that touch your ears they were yucky they were yucked down well these are the same headphones but these are new pads you'll see that the foamy the foamy are you coming over so i guess we're gonna have a special guest right now oh okay let's not pull everything down though so uh there you go what's out nothing there you go you want to tell a story um no okay well this you have been a great

Natty Bumpercar's child: interview what did you do today you went to the pool what'd you do with the pool and then we uh went rock climbing rock climbing that doesn't make any sense yes it does where'd you were there mountains no was there snow on the ground no how is that possible climbing on rocks it was a big wall and there was this rope thingy to make us go up and if we fall it makes us go

Natty Bumpercar: down all the way kind of like a parachute right yeah so like it uh it's called an auto belay an auto belay doesn't it sound very fancy yes and how far up to the top did you get

Natty Bumpercar's child: all the way you got all the way up to the top yes what was at the top of yours i can't remember

Natty Bumpercar: mine had mine had a monkey thing mine had a fire truck wait really yeah that's cool

Natty Bumpercar's child: did uh ollie do it too no why not why not i don't know uh what are you doing tonight you got any big plans no no big plans

Natty Bumpercar: uh you got a babysitter though right yeah what are you guys you guys gonna have a big party

Natty Bumpercar's child: big fun time yeah probably probably

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March 26, 2017
Bumperpodcast #276 – Ruggy

Bumpercar lays out the trials and tribulations of Ruggy are laid out to the court of public opinion.

Did you know Ruggy? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! We’re trying to stay positive here, people!

About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares a relatable parenting saga about his son Emerson and a beloved rug named Ruggy. After accidentally tracking dog poop onto the boys' bedroom rug, Natty faces days of complaints from Emerson about the soiled carpet. When Natty finally removes the rug, Emerson has an emotional meltdown over losing Ruggy, despite having complained about it for nearly a week. The situation escalates into a 15-minute parenting negotiation involving options, signatures, and the threat of Ruggy going to the curb forever. Natty also reflects on the challenge of telling each child he loves them equally, and reveals the incident may have been triggered by filming a Hershey chocolate eating challenge for their YouTube channel.

Memorable Quotes

“He's given the rug a name, the rug is named Ruggy, which I've never heard this rug have a name before.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I love you more than any Emerson in the whole entire world. That's how I have to get around that, because if I say I love you more than anything, then he immediately takes that as an affront against his brother.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You have two options: rug in the basement, rug gets clean this weekend, happy rug, happy life. Or if you complain about said rug, Ruggy is gonna go away forever.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #familylife #kids #dogs #cleaning #humor #podcasting #brothers

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh well if it isn't the bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and it is a good day you know why because i'm here and i'm talking to you and that's all i want to do really if i could if i had my druthers if uh if the money truck pulled up here to headquarters uh and said hey bumps guess what you can do with anything you want you know what i would be doing boom this talking to you probably other stuff too i'm not gonna lie i have to eat all right leave me alone for just a few minutes i've got tea upstairs it's waiting for me no uh how's how are you i've missed you since last week uh last week we had a special guest that was uh emerson he did a great job like afterwards i was just like that was the best because you actually there was give and take like you talked to me you did little funny bits his little whisper bit i was i loved it loved it so much so what that tells me is i am grooming the next generation of podcasters i apologize for that uh that is that is going to be on me it's my fault i uh speaking of him here's a crazy thing that happened uh his his in in in the boy's room there's a rug it's a white rug it's got circles on it uh they're kind of uh uh a really low uh not tone but color uh not not pastel quite but it's almost like they put colors like they're circles like it's like blue and yellow uh red and purple whatever and then they and then they like put the transparency on so they're there but they're kind of not there but they're it's just a nice simple rug uh and evidently someone uh my wife this is my wife she said someone was outside and tracked in what i can only assume is dog poop and there were two people in the room and they were like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're in the room when she had that conversation and she was looking directly at one of them and that one was me so she's under the assumption that i went out into the yard and uh put i think it's like six little spots of of dog poo on the kid's rug which i didn't mean to do and i was like fine i'll clean it i just hadn't had a chance emerson uh discovered the uh the soiled rug on i mean like seven days ago eight days ago and he's been freaking out ever since every single night get me away from this rug this rug's got dog poop i can't be on this rug i don't want to be near this rug why is there why is this in my room this is horrible this is disgusting and he would like make uh he would walk around like he would have to shimmy against the wall to go around and then in the morning he would scream somebody has to come get me out of this bed because i can't walk across the road and it was just horrible right every single night and every single day it was the saga of the uh of the rug so finally two nights ago uh i think i was putting him to bed no two nights i don't know who was i can't remember but i i i got infuriated i got mad and i said fine and i i balled up the rug which is tough to do because it's like an eight by ten rug but i balled it up and i took it out of the room and he was just like what what what are you and he starts like in that way that kids get when they're like they can't even process what is happening and i threw the rug into uh in the spare bedroom and uh and he was just like what would you do with my rug rug and then he screams ruggy he's given the rug a name the rug is named ruggy which i have i've never heard this rug have a name before and i was just like ruggy and he's just like why did you take ruggy away and i was just like you you're the reason i took ruggy away why i would never and i was just like you've complained about the rug for six at this point it was and for six days straight you have complained about the rug being in your room you have screamed at the rug because it has it is dirty you you you have been anguishing over this rug being in your room and so i have now removed the rug from the equation i have taken the rug out of your room what are you gonna do with it when is it gonna come back i miss ruggy i was just like buddy i am going to vacuum the rug and then i am going to use the uh wet the uh called the the rug vac uh shampooer whatever we have it's one of these things you put water in you put shampoo in you shampoo the rug that's what we have why because we have a dog and what does the dog do he makes horrible messes so what do we have to do shampoo the rugs plus they need them anyway because the house smells terrible let's be honest if you've ever been here i'm sorry the house smells bad it's not that i don't clean all the time every day it's just that the dog smells really bad and two little boys smell there's a lot of smells happening in his house so he uh he was just like you're gonna clean it tonight and i was just like no i'm gonna clean it on saturday saturday that'll take for a long time that's forever from now and i was just like that's in two days two days and he was like well what am i supposed to do if i fall out of my bed and i don't have ruggy to roll around on and i was just like i don't i think you're making problems up at this point i think that you're inventing problems at this point and he was just like like still he was freaking out this is a solid 15 minute freak out to the point where i said okay i will bring the rug back into your room i will put the rug back down so that ruggy is here and he was like okay and i was like however this is my big however however if you complain about ruggy if i hear you say one thing about ruggy being dirty ruggy is going to go to the curb and he's like to the trash and i was just like to the trash my wife is looking at me like what are you doing and i was just like no he has two options he can either i can put it in the basement and clean it this weekend which is in two days or if i bring it back and he loses his mind again it's gone because i just can't i reached the point as a parent where i just couldn't deal with it anymore it was too much he didn't get it all he heard was the rug is in the trash the rug is gone the rug is in the garbage the rug is done and i was just like no so i ran downstairs got a piece of paper got a pen drew like almost like a comic strip i was just like here's step one ruggy's in your room you're happy here's step two ruggy gets dirty you're freaking out here's step three takes the rug away now you have two options and i drew arrows from the options option one then i just laid everything out again rug in the basement rug gets clean this weekend happy rug happy rug happy life or whatever it is and option two and i made sure i had him sign off on option one as in do you understand what option one is sign here yes okay perfect we can now move on to option two option two if daddy brings the rug back into your room the rug which is still dirty i will still clean it this weekend however if you complain about said rug in quotes ruggy then ruggy is gonna go away forever it was bad parenting on my part i think uh because again all he focused on was ruggy's going away ruggy's gone ruggy's out of his life i have effectively taken ruggy away from him and he was just like you're taking ruggy away from me because you hate me and i was just like i love you more than anything and then he goes more than ollie and i was just like i can't play that game right now i love you're my favorite emerson in the whole entire world on the whole planet i love you more than any emerson ever that's how i have to get around that because if i say i love you more than anything then he just immediately he has to take that as an affront against his brother i love you more than anything more than him no like come on i love you guys equally well then you don't love me more than anything ah well then i love you more than any emerson how about that at which point ollie goes but what about me and i'm like well i love you more than any oliver ever and ever in the whole world in the whole planet more than any oliver so basically i got him calmed down ruggy was still in the other room and he woke up in the morning like nothing had ever happened nothing ruggy's in the basement right now awaiting his cleaning which will happen now tomorrow morning and then he'll go back in the room he'll be bright fresh ready for a new day a brand new ruggy for a brand new year uh and my wife was like why did this happen and i was just like i don't know and then we looked back on the events of the evening and for our youtube channel which is still happening we all we do is film stuff for it i have to film it for you i'm still learning how to edit uh we had done the hershey challenge what is that that's where you eat as much chocolate as you can in two minutes so maybe that's what happened huh

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November 18, 2016