Tag: Birthday

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh! Fun music! I like this a lot. Great job, producer. I skip to my loop cause that's what I like to do. I'm up and down and all around. I move over here and I move over there and I do a little dance. Do a little dance. I do a little dance. I'm singing this song. Okay. I'm singing along. No. No. Please stop. It's not good. Come on. You know I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm a lawyer. Well, it's a good thing you're a lawyer because I'm pretty sure somebody's

Rufus T. Rufus: going to sue you for killing this beat. Sorry, everybody. Should I keep recording or should I stop the music? What are we trying to do here? Because we started out pretty good, I thought, but then we didn't. A couple of seconds. This probably wasn't so great. I'm not pointing any fingers because everybody's trying, but…

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, hold on. Can you cut that music? Can you cut it? Is that something? That's what they say. Can you cut it? Cut that music? Because I need to have a question or something. Can you please cut the music?

Rufus T. Rufus: Okay. Here you go. The music has been cut. What do you want to say?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, first of all, I want to say, thank you very much, producer, for doing such great producing, cutting that music. You know, I took your second, but, you know, I understand there's a lot of buttons and knobs you got over there behind the board, but also, I wanted to bring it back to a little something that Aloysius just said. What was it? The up and down and all around dance, whatever thing like that? Nope. That's not it. Actually, I don't go. I don't go up or down. I just kind of stand there and I bob and I weave, but I make it look like I'm going up and down. You know, you're an excellent dancer. Everybody, I think everybody would agree. Now, but what I wanted to actually refer to is there's a point back there where you said that I killed the beat. Now, I don't need that on my record because I don't want to get in trouble, you know, as a lawyer. If I start killing things, I'm not going to be able to be a lawyer no more. This is my career. This is my calling. This is my path in life. And so if I am, you need to tell me if I've done something wrong because I need to abdicate it. All right. Got the music back. Let's see if we can do it this way. One, two, one, two, three. Hello, interest. Hey, Rufus, just listen. If you step on a beat, you don't, you just shoo. I messed it up. I don't know what you're trying to do. This is harder than I thought you were. You should try again. Explain things to a beat. Yeah. But I guess I'll try again. Here we go. You did not kill the beat. The beat is the music. Yeah. Everything is okay. Yeah. You just move it or use it or do it. All of these things rhyme up and down all of the time. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Do you understand what I'm putting down? I do. I'm not actually putting anything down. Okay. I'm just saying words to the back beat. But not all of it is going to make a lot of sense. That's true. For instance. Excuse me. Yeah, I said. Oh, no. What is this? No. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know what that means. This song should be called buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Good. All times I say buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. I'm in the park, it's in the dark, and I am saying buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Hello. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Are you? Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. I didn't even know that I was meant to be in this song. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah. Buh-buh-lah-buh-lah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, I feel like I finally understand. All I gotta do is stand up here and listen to the music and see if I can make things that go with the drums. Okay. Let's see. Ho hum diddly dum. That's all I got. Okay. Down the street. What rhymes with street? Feet. Feet. Feet. My feet. There you go. There we go. I got it. I'm cutting the groove. Okay. But I'm not really cutting the groove. You're not cutting nothing. Because it's a musical term. Yeah. That was, you know, I'm not gonna, that was much better. That was honestly for not much, from where we were. All right, producer, you can go ahead and I think we're gonna drop the beat right here.

Rufus T. Rufus: Go. Okay. So the beat has been dropped, but it's a little bit too quiet for me. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna put it a little back around the music on. There you go. It's a little bit calmer. We can, you know, figure this whole thing out, all right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, that's a good idea, producer. I don't like it when there's no backing music, because I kind of, at that point, I'm just sitting there with my, uh, thoughts. And that's the last thing I want to do, if I'm to be honest. Like, the music, at least let it distracts me a little bit, you know? I feel like people should just have a little, some sort of music that they can just walk around the world with. I don't know how we would accomplish that or how we would manage it, but let's say I'm walking through the flea market or wherever I am, and I'm looking at things, and it's just too much noise. People are talking to me. And maybe I just want to have a little something where I can listen to, you know, I can cut out the rest of the noise, and I can just bop along to this and look at, oh, what do we have here? Is this an old robot? How much you want for it, you know? Oh, hold on. What's this? Is that a, is that a jar full of buttons? All right. All right. What are we doing? What's happening? You know, it's just a much more pleasant experience, in my opinion. Rufus? I am H.O. I, in my humble opinion. I got it. I got it. Um. Oh. What is, what is that noise? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. De Willis. Did someone step on a goose or something? Hold on a second.

Rufus T. Rufus: I think I found, let me look, let me look around here and see, OK. It's Natty. It's Natty. He's seems like he's caught up in the corner, here.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Wait. Natty? Bumper car? I thought. Wait a minute. He wasn't here the whole time? I, I was kind of wondering why everything seemed to be going so smoothly. Like every, everything seemed, everything was, uh, very en bloi.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I'm not going to agree or disagree, but I totally agree that everything seemed They go pretty easily today. Hey, Natty. What? Natty, come on. I don't want it. Come on. I don't want it. Come on, little Nat. Get over here. Let's see what's going on, okay?

Natty Bumpercar: It's my birthday. Okay. And I was hoping to have the podcast equipment back, because I'm sick of this whole not having a podcast thing. And I can't help my queer mood.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, you can stop talking. Just take a few breaths. Quick huddle over here, guys. Yeah, I thought we'd kind of given up on the podcast at this point. I mean, I never saw us getting that equipment back from whatever Sir Reginald, I guess his name was. You know, I thought we were just going to start hanging out and being conversationalists with ourselves and not having to put it out in the world like, oh, listen to us. We have a podcast. Everybody's got a podcast. Come on.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, yeah, well, I kind of do agree with that. I am a producer, and so I kind of, like, I really, like, you're a lawyer. I'm a producer and kind of like to do the podcast, if we could do the podcast, possibly.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, you guys are both making excellent points. Here's what I'm going to do. Really quick, I'm going to call up the private eye, see if I can get any information on this whole thing, okay? All right, let's see here. Why is it not dialing? Does anybody know how to dial? How does anyone know how to use this thing? You've got to dial. I'm going crazy. I'm actually going crazy right now. You have to dial the number. Fix it, fix it, fix it. Dial the number. You're born in a barn. No, you're born in the same hospital as you. Just how do I? Okay. All right. And let's see here. Ahem. Ready to talk. Let's go. Hi, yes, I'm trying to reach the private eye.

Unknown: You have reached the voice message system of the private eye. I'm in a voicemail. If you would like to receive a…

Aloysious J. Pig: I heard somebody answer.

Unknown: …email newsletter, please press 1. This is ridiculous.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'm on speaker. Hey, say, did you say newsletter?

Unknown: If you are trying to pay your bill, please press 2. If you are trying to hide from the private eye, please press 3.

Aloysious J. Pig: You guys. Those are the only options? Yes. So, I mean, like, what about find out the status of my case? No, I've been calling and calling. That should be 1-2, right?

Natty Bumpercar: Yes, but I've been calling this. I've heard that recording so many times. Sometimes it changes a little bit. Sometimes it doesn't. But it never gives you, like, the option to talk to anybody or the option to… Like, find out where… How my case is doing that we've paid a lot of money for. We can't still… Guys, did you not even hear me?

Rufus T. Rufus: It's my birthday. I actually did hear, but I thought kind of that this getting in touch with the private eye for the whole podcast thing, which is the thing that seemed to be making you cry, was going to be a little bit more important. But, you know…

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, Nelly, I also heard, but I also agree. I mean… You're a grown man. And you're celebrating. You're crying about your birthday or something. And it made me feel, like, uncomfortable. You know, you have your emotions. You live in them. But I was just like, all right. I see he's crying. I'm just going to see if I can rectify the situation. Yeah, Nelly, happy birthday. Seriously. Super duper happy birthday. Sorry we didn't even realize that you weren't on the show. But I'm just going to call. I'm just going to call that number again to see if I can… Maybe I didn't do it right. Hold on. Okay. Like I could at this.

Unknown: Hmm.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right. It's ringing.

Unknown: Okay. See? Right to the voicemail. I don't know. Same thing. The box is totally full.

Aloysious J. Pig: No, it's totally full. No, no, that was fishy. That was fishy. Hold on. Private eye. Is this actually you pretending to be a voice service? Uh-huh. You have caught me. Caught me in my own snare.

Unknown: Ha-ha.

Aloysious J. Pig: Always a smart one, Aloysius. Are you kidding me? I have been calling for weeks. And it's my birthday. And where do you… Did you find our stuff? Did you find our equipment? Calm down, Natty. I found your equipment weeks ago. What? It's been in a box in the corner. That's what? I talked to Sir Reginald and he looked through it. Sorry. He said, this is a bunch of junk. He doesn't even want it. You should have called.

Natty Bumpercar: I… I put a… But I did call. I've called several times. And evidently, that was… I was talking to you, but you were doing a silly voice, like an answering machine service. Can you please drop our equipment off or can I come and get it? Because I'm really annoyed and… Here's the thing.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'm really annoyed, too, because you haven't paid your bill. All right. Now, that's going to be my territory, Natty. I will handle this. I will go and I will injuncture this private eye and we will get our equipment back. We are going to go the podcast next week.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it's a birthday miracle. Oh! The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with… Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias. Or leave… A rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at… Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it. Change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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