Tag: behind the scenes

  • Bumperpodcast #455 – Season 3 – Microphone

    Bumperpodcast #455 – Season 3 – Microphone

    In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, we get a new microphone! But then everything goes off the rails. It’s totes banoo!!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar introduces a new microphone that immediately proves to be too intense for the laid-back show. The sophisticated equipment makes recurring character Rufus T. Rufus so uncomfortable that he leaves the studio, only to start calling Producer during the recording because he's hungry and can't remember the code to the refrigerator. Meanwhile, Producer keeps taking phone calls mid-episode, creating complete pandemonium in the studio. What starts as an exciting equipment upgrade quickly devolves into accusations, complaints, and the entire cast turning on the new microphone for causing all the trouble. The episode showcases the show's signature improvised chaos and self-aware humor about its own production mishaps.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I just touched my shirt and I heard it in my ears. This thing is you're a little too intense microphone. I like you very very much but I worry that you're not going to fit in around here because we're not a very intense podcast.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The main problem is that I became I got a little bit of low blood sugar and I got very hungry. And so I was calling you because I didn't remember the code to the refrigerator and you didn't answer.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “This has never happened before. This microphone came in. He's brand new and obviously he's causing a lot of trouble. So microphone, why don't you just hit the road?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #newequipment #podcasting #workplacechaos #hunger #technologyproblems #behindthescenes #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: okay so we have a new microphone and it is testing my patience as far as where i have to sit and where it needs to sit and how i look at it and how it looks at me and i think i just touched my shirt and i heard it in my ears this thing is it's you're a little too intense microphone i like you very very much but i just i worry that you're not going to fit in around here because we're not a very intense podcast we don't we're not you know exact and we don't really know what we're doing and you know if you take us to a level that's too far up it's just gonna cause issues with everybody bad issues scary issues uh probably some fights people you know talking behind other people's backs terrible stuff like that no i'm not interested i'm not even interested

    Aloysious J. Pig: a little bit hey uh maddie uh sorry i didn't mean to interrupt it now you're having a little conversation over here with a new microphone uh so i don't want to you know tell tales at a school i don't want to talk about

    Natty Bumpercar: people behind well back no yeah no i think that's what i was just telling the microphone here is that we don't want to do that that's not something that we normally do yeah like well uh hold on a

    Aloysious J. Pig: second natic now you're saying we don't save that's me of course hello everyone that's me rufus t rufus the the the the lawyer around here and are you saying that we don't talk behind people's backs because we have to say the stuff

    Natty Bumpercar: to their face no well no wait no well no we try to be nice to people just in in front of their face and and behind their face and to the side of their face and any you know if you have a face then we're gonna try to kind of 360 upside down all the way around just be nice to people in general but um what i was saying was rufus i don't have you met have you

    Aloysious J. Pig: met the new mic no i don't believe i made your acquaintance uh i'm saying hello to the little okay oh yeah i can do that hello there uh microphone how do you do not much for conversation i see you'd rather be talked at and i don't got any questions uh bathrooms around the corner you know no i can't talk to this thing now it don't make no sense i don't mean you're just looking at me funny here i don't you mean you seem nice microphone but uh you know i got i got i got lawyer stuff i'm gonna just uh skidoo back over here and you you do your microphone thing make me uncomfortable where you're looking stop looking at me like that please now microphone um i'm just gonna say it you've already proved your worth because normally rufus stays in the podcast studio for the entire podcast and now you all of a sudden you come in and you get you made him uncomfortable and got him to leave i've never seen anything or anyone in his situation uh be able to make that guy uncomfortable so uh uh you get a you get a gold star uh first day knocking it out of the park i gotta tell you yeah i agree um it was weird he

    Natty Bumpercar: was like did you see his eyes were like kind of darting around he looked like a little bit

    Aloysious J. Pig: i don't want to say he was a little bit banu but hey hey hey you know you can't say banu all right because now that's twice if it's said another time then we're gonna get into the totes and then you know that issues for years we've had big issues so please oh please oh please

    Producer: stop it right where we are yeah i tend to agree with aloysius you know we don't we we always try to steer away from all of that stuff because it causes a lot of drama and i know the beginning matter you were saying you don't talk behind people's backs we don't talk in front of you

    Aloysious J. Pig: know the whole thing you were saying but just what is what is happening producer you have you i mean like you have one job is well i mean you have a lot of i know but you don't take a phone call when we're doing a podcast that's why would you why would you put it on mute put it on vibrate yeah put it in your locker

    Natty Bumpercar: like nobody should have their phone yeah i yeah sorry that producer i'm that's the first i said i think that might be the first time that's ever happened that was really loud and and not not

    Producer: awesome so i'm hold on netty i just wanted to say that the phone call was actually from a very

    Aloysious J. Pig: important person in your life so what are we are we doing like riddles now is that the game we're playing you know are you just gonna tell them all right what are we doing yeah i would i mean like

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah sorry i who who who who was it it was very important my life who who just called you instead of i guess calling calling me or did they maybe they did call but i don't have my phone i don't

    Producer: know yeah so they did actually call you and uh you yes you doing the voicemail and so there is a bit of a you know so they did call me because it was a bit of a you know a little bit of a you know a you know he's kind of like a bit of a um bit of an emergency and so um yeah yeah what is this guy

    Aloysious J. Pig: doing okay so it's you don't you're not telling us who called and now you're saying it's an emergency and then you're trail off uh love you to death producer you're wonderful you're great uh get to the point who was it that called natty with an emergency yeah thanks aloysius like what

    Natty Bumpercar: are we doing do you want do we need to stop the podcast and can you tell me or do i need to be worried like what is happening right now

    Producer: well no i'm sorry but you guys geek cutting me off and i give you you know i get a little bit nervous and that's why i don't i don't talk a lot in the microphone because you know there's a podcast and i'm the i'm the yeah go go go yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yeah so okay we know

    Natty Bumpercar: you're a producer you're behind the microphone and so somebody called me and they said it was an emergency and can we just please do we if we can you just tell me yeah or hold on a second i

    Producer: actually funny story they just called me back but i had turned the the ringer off and i had muted my microphone and so you didn't hear the whole thing but the thing is the um the emergency uh is now passed and it was just a small thing that maybe you know it didn't end up being anything at all and so it's not a big deal and and so you don't even have to worry about it you guys just continue on go on with your big podcast you're doing it such a good job always so proud of you uh new microphone looking at you i'm looking at you over there okay i got a little work to do you and me right but we'll figure it out and we'll figure it out and we'll

    Aloysious J. Pig: we're gonna get there we're all gonna get there okay cool great um so now that we're stuck in this and i guess is i hope this isn't the entire podcast i hope bumper car has some silly story to tell or something but i know i invested emotionally and i would also like to know what was the who sorry yes who was the person who called and what was the emergency that has now been settled and is no longer an emergency and now that we have all that information and that you

    Producer: can take a nice deep breath and just no so here's the thing i um who's i actually do a lot of indian food i love uh just you know the spicy it's good a lot of flavor i think he's he's on the phone producer yeah he's on the phone right now knock on the window yeah we're not gonna win producer later in the day you know producer yeah we can hear you sorry sorry sorry shut it off

    Natty Bumpercar: cut it off um i i'm gonna take a deep breath it's all okay we just might have to throw this episode away but that's okay you know we we were excited we had a new microphone and now producer is receiving phone calls and then talking to people in the in the booth you and we still don't even know who it was you or if that was the same person or what the emergency was or anything yeah uh natty i

    Aloysious J. Pig: apologize uh i was on the telephone over there with uh with uh with a producer and uh you know i feel a little bit bad that maybe i was interrupting is what i'm understanding he looks pretty upset in there on the booth yeah uh you would hold on were you the first call or the second call or i think there were three or all it was you were the first call or the second call or figure of what it was that was not what it was in the meanwhile yeah because at the very least you'll have of the first phone call because you took your lead i don't know how many phone calls um well you you know you're well is it all you yeah well now here's the thing i don't know how many phone calls that the producer got uh you're saying three um let me think here because i i did i called and uh natty i called you went to voicemail and then i called a producer and in Yeah, then I called you back to let you know that everything was all right. Yeah, and then I'm the third. Yeah, I was talking about we're going to go eat some food maybe after the show. And then we're going to go get some lunch also. So we got some discussions to discover.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, okay, microphone made you nervous, Rufus. So you left the studio and then you almost immediately within like a couple of minutes start calling producer during the show while you know that we're recording the show. And now you're telling me that there was some sort of emergency and that the emergency went away. Can you now explain what that was? Yes, well, I can mix. Sorry, I don't want to hear. I don't I'm not. I need to talk to Rufus to see what's going on, because. Because, you know, it was supposed to be a big fun day. We got a new microphone. We had I had some silly, funny stories I was going to tell. And and and and now it's, you know, I like sometimes the wheels do come off here at the Bumper podcast. You know, we have our silly fun and everything's all whatever. But this just it this feels different and it's frustrating. I'm not going to lie. So tell me, Rufus, T. Rufus, what was this big emergency that you felt like? You needed to call producer during the show and talk about.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So the main issue, the main problem is that I was I became I got a little bit of low blood sugar and I got very hungry. And so I was calling you because I didn't remember the code to the refrigerator and you didn't answer. And I was getting weak. You know, normally I would never call producer during the show. But I was. I was getting a little bit like I was going to pass out a little bit like I was going to go to, you know, just lay on the floor and, you know, Aloysius. I know he don't carry his phone around. And so then I called producer and I did do that. I apologize. I was right there in the middle of the show.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, OK, so now we know who it was. It was you calling. We know what the emergency was, that you were hungry, I guess. And and then you called back because the emergency was solved. Like everything. Was figured out. Is that that's that's huh. That's where we are now, right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So now what happened with that, what had happened was I did end up laying down on the floor, which was which was nice and cool. You know, the tiles and everything felt nice. I took a nap for about, I don't know, a minute and a half, two minutes, whatever it was. And then out of the clouds, it came to me. It was it was the code for the refrigerator. And and I looked up and I said to myself, Rufus, you're supposed to eat right now. And this is the universe telling you, just telling you. So and so I got up and I went over to the refrigerator, punch in that code. And lo and behold, it opened right up. So just to reiterate, Natty, Rufus was hungry, got the code. He opened the fridge and may have lost producing his job. I still, you know, it's it's what I'm taking in here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, here's the thing, too, is, yeah, this was rough. This is really bad. And producer, I'm sorry, but like this is kind of unacceptable. You know, you can't do this type of thing like this is just it's you're here to produce the show. Rufus, I'm sorry you got hungry. And, you know, while we have the code on the fridge, because. Santa Claus kept coming in and eating all the snacks, you know, not if you're going to say if this is how it's going to be moving forward.

    Producer: I don't know. These conditions are just a little bit unacceptable to me. OK, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if you got the new microphone that you evidently love and you don't even want it. You don't like me and I can't feed people and I don't know what my position is anymore. And I guess we're going to be written up and have a demerit. I don't know.

    Aloysious J. Pig: OK, you know what? This has never happened before. This microphone came in. He's brand new and obviously he's causing a lot of trouble. So microphone, why don't you just hit the road?

    Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters. In Coffee Can Alley, it's recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar dot com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram. Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts.

  • Bumperpodcast #442 – Season 3 – The Future

    Bumperpodcast #442 – Season 3 – The Future

    Get ready for a laughter-packed adventure in Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, the ultimate improvised comedy podcast that promises non-stop hilarity. Join the beloved characters Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, and Aloysius J. Pig as they tackle the daunting task of managing their podcast. In this uproarious episode, the gang finds themselves grappling with the excitement of new equipment that promises to revolutionize their show, only to discover that no one knows how to use it. Chaos ensues as calamity befalls the crew, and just when things couldn’t get any crazier, Robot makes a surprise appearance, adding to the comedic mayhem. Don’t miss out on the fun—tune in for an unforgettable ride filled with laughter, mishaps, and unexpected twists and turns.

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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    Transcription

    Natty Bumpercar 0:00
    I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

    And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

    Outro 12:42
    The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

    NonPro 14:01
    This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to figure out their brand new recording equipment. Producer becomes increasingly flustered as the gang demands he master the shiny new machine on the fly, complete with moving lines, touch screens, and mysterious buttons. Robot makes a surprise return, announcing an upgrade that allows him to charge wirelessly and produce his own power. The conversation spirals into talk about The Court Sandwich Shop and whether they should order lunch during recording. With uneven audio levels, missing pop shields, and everyone getting hungry, this episode captures the hilarious dysfunction of learning new technology while trying to produce a podcast.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It was super crazy quiet. Did you push a button to make that happen? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Is this torturous to the people listening?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. Why do we do this? Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.”

    — Producer

    “I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. I guess you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.”

    — Robot

    Topics: #technology #newequipment #chaos #sandwiches #food #robots #recording #behindthescenes

    Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Robot, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Producer: Oh!

    Aloysious J. Pig: Listen to that! Yeah! We have new music! Finally! Makes me happy. Not much makes me happy these days, but that makes me very happy. And also what makes me happy is that you're here and that I'm here. And I have new equipment! Yeah, just… Oh, you told him about the new equipment. Oh, it's like… It's new, it's shiny, it's got all these colors on it, it's got a touch screen, I don't know what we're doing with it, we don't really deserve it, but it's neat, and it's there, and I'm staring at it, and I can't stop staring at it, because there's lines that are moving, there's lines that are going this way, and that way. I mean, this machine, it's got lines that are going this way and that way. Who knew? I never knew, I never thought we'd ever be quite this advanced, you know? I'm looking at… I'm looking at the machine across the way there, and I don't really, I don't trust it so much, but normally we was recording in sort of, I don't know, it seemed like a shoebox that we would just kind of talk at, and I don't know how it worked either, but, you know, I was more comfortable with the kind of, you know, cardboard look of it all, kind of a wood grain, if you will, and now this thing is all shiny and plastic, and I just, I don't know about it. One thing, I just, I don't… Producer, what do you all think about it?

    Producer: Yeah, well, you know, I really like it a lot, but there's, you know, when we don't… I don't know how to work it entirely, and so I can see that I can hear the voices are coming through, and so that it's good, but then I can… I've been listening back, and I can't really… The levels are different, you know, and so I'm trying to, on the fly, learn a little bit, like, on the job, and I'm also trying to kind of, you know, I don't figure this thing out. Like, there's buttons and everything, and it's just a little bit more than I was ready for, you know? Like, yes, like that, for instance. I was not ready for that even a little bit, but then, you know, sound effects, that's great. It's great for me, okay? Yeah, there it is again. There it is again. Perfect, perfect.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I heard the sound effect, but it was super crazy quiet. Like, it was definitely there. I don't know where it came from. Did you push a button to make that happen, or how did it happen exactly? Natty, it sounds like you're in a shoebox now. Now, I mean, like, I know that we're just trying to learn this thing, but is this torturous to the people listening? Oh, yeah, it's like, oh, cool, we got new equipment, and it's just like, well, this is unlistenable. Yeah, now… Aloysius, I think you can agree with me that unlistenable is a very hurtful term. I think it's, you know, very listenable. I mean, you can put it in your ear, ear pods, ear buds, whatever the ear things are, headphones, I'm gonna guess. But, you know, and you can listen to it. It just maybe not sounds so good, but it's still, by the letter of the law, listenable, I would think. I'm not sure if it is listenable, because it's like, I… I can, in my headphones, when I talk, I can hear myself, and I sound great, and I'm like, whoa, this is gonna sound like the greatest thing ever. But then whenever you guys talk, it sounds like you're in a pipe that's in a tunnel that's under a whale. Like, you're very far away, but… But I can hear myself when I talk, so can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, I can hear me,

    Producer: but everything's just very… You know, guys, this is Producer, by the way. It's a very difficult situation for you to put me into. You come into this studio to record the Bumper Podcast, and then you just sit me down, and there's this new thing. I don't even know what it's gonna do. It's got the cords coming in, it's got the lights going, it's got the little lines going, and it's plugged into the main thing over there, and I see this thing is doing that, and I'm trying to do this thing over there, and it's completely different from anything that I've ever… You know, we don't… This is… Why do we do this? We could have done this so long ago. We could have done it a week ago, two weeks. I don't know. Just let me learn before we record an episode, please.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Listen, yeah, I agree with Producer. I mean, it is kind of fun to see him kind of freak out, because I've never really seen that before. He normally produces over there behind, you know, the buttons and the knobs and everything, and he's, like, making everything do whatever it's supposed to do, and now today, all of a sudden, I think we've finally… We've pushed him over the edge, and I feel a little bit guilty. Not entirely, because, uh, Bumperguy, you were the one who brought this thing in, and, uh, you know, it's kind of your fault, but, uh… Still, I mean, it's got sound effects, so what are we gonna do? Exactly. I think you just made that one work, so good job, Producer. Is there anybody in here that we could ask that would maybe know how this new technology works?

    Robot: Ooh, hi, everybody. It's me, Robot. I heard that there's some new technology. I'm so excited.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, wait. Who? I thought… Hi… Mm, let's see. Hi, Robot. It's nice to see you. You actually sound like yourself again for the first time in a few years, and that's my first thing. My second thing. Hi, Robot. How did you get here? I was told that you were unplugged. Uh, Producer? Is it… Can we have a sidebar conversation? Can you do that with the new equipment, where maybe just you and I are having a conversation? Is that possible? You know, if you're gonna start talking about sidebar conversations, Natty, that's more of a legal roya type of thing. You know, we have sidebars with the judge. We have sidebars with the prosecution or the defense. You know, whoever it is, a bailiff. I've had a sidebar with a bailiff. One time, I actually went to a sandwich shop to get a sandwich, and, uh… I said, Can y'all put some pickles on my sandwich? And they said, That's over there on the sidebar. And I said, Excuse me? And they said, You know, the fixin's bar. And I said, Wait, before you just said sidebar. And then I looked up, and the sandwich place was actually called The Court. And The Court Sandwich Shop, and the people making the sandwiches, you know, sometimes the sandwich artists, well, these… They said, We'll be the judge of that. That's what the little thing said. How's your sandwich? And I said, Oh, I like… And they said, Hold on a second. We'll be the judge of that. You love your sandwich. And I was just like… I object. It was a whole thing. You know, we gotta go back to that. You ever been down to The Court Sandwich Shop? Yeah, no. I've been there. But I think Natty was trying to… Yes, it's good. I agree. It's fun. It's a great concept. But I think Natty was trying to figure out how to… Why robots here? And he was gonna talk to producer. But it's good to see that even with this new equipment, we can still spiral. We can still spiral into nonsense and not making any sense and lunchtime talk. Because, you know, it's lunchtime somewhere in the universe, I'm assuming. And I am definitely here for it. I'm… We should… Can we call in? Is that something we can do? Can we, like, order first? Order online? Is that something… Producer, can you get the website up?

    Producer: No, I can't. No, I actually cannot get the website up because I'm struggling with this new equipment that you have dropped onto me. No, not… Not literally dropped on me, but just, you know, it's on my desk here. And you said, okay, new equipment, now go. And so I can't do the equipment and also do the website for the sandwich place. And, you know, and also nothing to go back to it. I don't know how robot is here, okay? The plug, I don't even know where the plug is. So it can't be plugged in because I lost the plug a long time ago, okay? This is a lot of my blood right now, you guys. You're really pressuring me a lot, okay?

    Robot: Yeah. So there's no power cord anymore because I got an upgrade. And I can actually just be charged from sitting near a charging station. It just cut the power. It just froze into me. And the more that I walk and I move and I talk, it produces more power. So I'm using energy right now, but I'm also producing power. So I guess, you could say that I'm the new producer here at the Bumper Podcast.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, no, no, robot. I get it. You can make power somehow. I don't really actually understand that, but it's great to see you. Maybe producer is the producer. I get it. You're making power. Good for you. I guess we don't have a pop shield anymore because I'm hearing a lot of puh, puh, puh, puh, puh is happening. But I think that's the least of our problems. I think the main problem right now is what we're going to have for lunch. That's always really the top of the problem. And then also, did this episode even record? Like, do you know, producer?

    Producer: I don't know. Not you. Producer, producer. No, he's talking to me, robot. So you are still robot. I am still producer. That is still Natty. That is Aloysius J. Pig over there. And then I think we have Rufus T. Rufus. Rufus, that is Natty. You can't get to our website from that. That's just a newspaper. Oh, my goodness. This is just really all falling apart. I think maybe everyone's getting a little hungry. We should have the food delivered, I think, before the show, but then it would be a distraction, maybe just during or after, because during they would ring the bell and it would be very confusing for everyone. We just have a lot of stuff to figure out, I think.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I agree, because… Well, the problem is I think everybody's a little hungry, so maybe everyone should have a nice little snack before we come into the studio, before we start recording the Bumper Podcast. That should be the first thing. Have a little snack. You know, whatever it is. An apple, that's a great snack. An orange? No, I can't. I don't know if you heard, Robot, but I can't eat oranges anymore, or else I will explode.

    Robot: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you worry that you're going to get scurvy?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Natty, am I allowed to quit this show? Is that something I can do, just walk away? Believe me, Aloysius, I've been trying for years and it's in the contract. We're locked in forever.

    Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

    Unknown: Bye-bye.

  • Bumperpodcast #441 – Season 3 – Better than better

    Bumperpodcast #441 – Season 3 – Better than better

    Natty Bumpercar is finally feeling better. So tune in for an unforgettable comedic experience that will leave you in stitches and craving more. Don’t miss out—hit play and join Natty Bumpercar on his comedic journey through the ups and downs of life in Coffee-Can Alley!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page

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    Transcription

    Natty Bumpercar 0:00
    I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

    And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

    Outro 12:42
    The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

    NonPro 14:01
    This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar addresses listener concerns about his mysterious absence after an episode titled "I Died a Little Bit." Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Producer reveal their original plan for a confusing series of episodes that never quite materialized. The conversation takes a wild turn when Aloysious proposes the concept of an "upside-down dentist," which the gang decides could be their million-dollar idea. Natty shares stories from his recent comedy shows, including a disastrous performance after eating a stack of pancakes and climbing 60 steps, contrasted with other shows where audiences couldn't stop laughing. The episode perfectly captures the improvisational chaos and genuine friendship that makes Bumperpodcast a unique comedy experience.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You listen to this podcast, and you're immediately like, hell, I understand. You know what? I can't be worse than that.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've heard people say that they'd rather go to the upside-down dentist. Then listen to the show, which I didn't even know an upside dentist was a thing.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “Do not eat a giant stack of pancakes before trying to go on stage at a big show and try to entertain people.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #comedy #podcasting #dentistry #pancakes #performancestories #friendship #entrepreneurship #behindthescenes

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer, Robot

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: it was pointed out to me by someone who listens to the show that you're not allowed i'm not allowed to record and put out an episode that said the title was i died a little bit and then not put out another episode for a long long time they were like what are you doing you can't put out there that you died a little bit and then disappear it's not right it's not fair i mean you know like all your silly characters they haven't even been on the show with you and you know who knows how long who knows how many episodes is this is this whole thing just

    Aloysious J. Pig: falling apart or like what is even going on let me tell you what is going on hello everybody it's me aloicious jay pig hey i i missed you it's good to see you and hear you and see you hi yeah hi hi okay here's the thing bumper guy and everybody i'm just gonna pull the curtain back a little bit bump we've seen each other okay you know we had a whole plan with the with the show well you know where's bumper guy you know we've done it a few times i guess but this was a little bit different you know and then uh so me and rufus and producer we got together and we we're talking you know and we're like all right bubble guy you're gonna go over there we're gonna record our own episodes and then you'll come in and you'll do yours and back and forth until it gets closer and closer and more confusing and uh then um you know it would all it would culminate

    Rufus T. Rufus: i believe the word now yeah i believe that's the word that we used uh when we were kind of uh building out a schedule it's kind of a little bit of a skeleton idea of uh a team of people who worked together and everything that was going on at the time you're not talking about race crimes science and the trend of racing you know there was you knowเว isto is there's a template of what we were trying to think about doing is you know uh so little confusion have a little fun where you know he's not his daddy's where's everybody and we're like where's natty and back and forth and you know how we do and then there was something i don't know so we hadn't really figured it out because you know we like to play it off the cuff a little bit but it was gonna be funny that i can guarantee you ま

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, I mean, if not funny, then at least ridiculous. I think that's the one thing that this podcast can always guarantee that it's going to deliver. I was recently at a meeting for a bunch of radio people, and we were talking about the different stuff, and somebody was nervous. They were like, oh, I don't know what to put out. I don't know what to make. What will people think? And I kind of raised my hand, and I was like, hey, I've been doing a podcast for a million years at this point. You should listen to it, and it will immediately assuage any fears that you may have about recording something or doing something or structure or, you know, desire to be good. And, you know, any of these things, you listen to this podcast, and you're immediately like, hell, I understand. You know what? I can't be worse than that.

    Producer: Yes, Natalie, I hope that you're referring to not really the show production, because I am the producer, and it makes me kind of nervous when you're saying, oh, it's a bad show. Oh, it's unlistenable. Oh, everybody doesn't like it. Like, no one has ever made it through an entire episode. You know what I'm saying. But it hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, oh, I got stuck there for a second. I agree, producer. You know, I've heard people say things like, this podcast is unlistenable. It's unattractive. Ungood is a word that I heard. I said, I'm not even sure if that is a word that you're using. I've heard people say it's despicable, which I don't know if I agree with. Uh, one bit. Uh, just, I've heard people say a lot of things.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I, I, hold on, I do. Exactly. Yeah, so I, I, I mean, I listen. I got my ears to the street so that I can hear the beats of what everybody's saying, if it's nice or if it's sweet. If it ain't, that's okay. That's, I'm just, all right. Sometimes I bust into rhymes. I do that. It's what I, that's what I do. But, like, I've heard people say that they'd rather, uh, go to the upside-down dentist. Then, then, then, then listen to the show, which I didn't even know an upside dentist was a thing. But it does, I guess, it might be easier to get to the teeth that are on the top. Like, I never understand when the dentist is in there, and they're cleaning and cleaning. You know, it's gonna be easier to hit the teeth on the bottom. So, why don't they just, like, flip your chair upside down, and then they can clean the top ones as if they were the bottom ones. Yeah. And, and, and, you know, I think it would just be a better situation. I agree.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't agree. Well, hold on. I don't agree with all of the mean things that you were all saying, that other people were saying about the podcast. That, that I do not agree with. But I, I do like your idea about the upside-down dentist. I think the problem being, it might make people uncomfortable or dizzy if they're flipped upside-down. Um, so that's gonna be an issue that we'll have to work through. But I think, you know, just for a basic idea, just for the beginning of an idea, Uh, Rufus, if you could possibly go and file the paperwork, I think that this is probably going to be our bazillion-dollar idea.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, well, Natty, uh, I, you know what, for once, I actually agree with you. Like, I, I didn't agree with the whole shenanigans of disappearing and then, uh, you know, that. Because it, it's been done before and done much better, if I may say so myself. But, but, but, uh, what I do agree with you on. Of course, is the prospect, is the idea, is the inclination of making a little bit of a donation into my wallet. That's a cash donation, if you catch my drift. So I'm just gonna scoot on out of here. It's fun talking with everybody. And I'm gonna make my way, uh, to my office. And, well, I got the papers, and I'm gonna file the papers. And, uh, well, you know, hopefully, we'll, we'll hear, we'll hear the cash register start, uh, jingling. All right. Uh, hold on. All right, then. Oh, okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: You know what's always strange to me? Thanks, thanks, Rufus. Just, if you want to go, you can just, you can stand up and walk out of the room. Now, I don't know if anyone's really even gonna notice. Uh, I, I know, I get it. It's polite to, to tell everybody. But he, he, he, he was, he left the podcast like he was leaving a voicemail. Like, he's just kind of like, all right, I guess I'll be seeing you soon. You know, that kind of thing. I guess that's. Part of his, uh, his hospitality, or whatever it is. Um, anyway, all right, yeah, go file those papers, buddy. We're gonna do this. This is, we haven't done a podcast episode in a long time, and it seems like pretty soon we ain't gonna even need to. We ain't gonna have time to do it, because we're gonna be diving into our pool of upside dentist money. Can't wait. Oh, boy. Money, money, money.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it's just, like. I do think it's a good idea, and I think maybe I did this, too, and I apologize to everyone who's listening. We, we don't do things just for money. Money is not the end-all, be-all. Okay? Like, I think a lot of people might be helped by the upside dentist. I think, you know, it's gonna do some good in the world. And, you know, we're not completely driven by, by money. Like, the other day, I had a show, and I've been having so many shows lately. I figured it out. I've had eight shows in the last two weeks. That's a lot of shows, and it's phenomenal, and I love it, and it's wonderful. And I hope that it continues, because I've been having a really good time. Well, I had a really good time at, let me think. The first four shows were all wonderful. The next two shows, they hurt me. They made, they made me feel pain, because I didn't connect with the crowd. And, uh. So, that's kind of my fault. Also, this, the one of those shows, this, I think it was the first one, I had gone out to eat before, right before the show, and had eaten a stack of pancakes. I really have been loving pancakes lately. Don't know what it is about the pancakes, but they're just so good, and they're everything that my little body wants. But, I learned very quickly, and very real, do not eat a giant stack of pancakes. Before trying to go on stage, uh, at a, at a big show, and try to entertain people. Because, all your body's going to be doing is trying to metabolize, and trying to, um, just absorb the brick of, of batter that you have, uh, put inside yourself. And, not even that, not even just the brick of batter, but there's also all the sugar from the, uh, the syrup. And, uh. Just come on. I, I actually, I started to go into a, um, not a sugar coma, but it, I mean, I, I could feel myself nodding off. I started to fall asleep a little, and I was like, I, I gotta, I gotta go, I gotta go get me a Coke. And, so I had to go down, and when I went down, I found out this venue, this place, there were 60 steps. There were, like, several stairwells for me to get from where the show was, down to the concession bar, and then… Uh, on the way back up, well, on the way down, I noticed, I was just like, this is insane. How many steps is this? And, so on the way up, I, I counted them, and it was 60. And, um, you know, I like to, a lot of times, try to talk about things that are happening right there. Try to talk about things that are in the room. It just, it makes my brain happy. And, uh, so, and it helps me to get into material. And, that night, I tried to do that, and, uh, I think I started my set off, and I was just like, 60 steps? You know? We're gonna have to carry you back down. I don't know. It was silly. It was silly. 60 steps, I kept saying. No one, they didn't care. They were like, why are you counting steps? Who are you? The, the, the head step counter?

    Producer: I, I'm just amazed that you were able to count the steps. This is counter 60. That's more than I ever assumed. I don't know you in math, but it's more than I thought that you'd be able to count.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, me too, Bumper Guy. You just got zinged by a frog named a producer. How does that feel? Well, anyway, but who cares about this story? You were telling us about how you had fun at a show. Why are you telling us about the bad show? Get over the bad show. Talk about the fun show. It makes more sense, right? Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, fine, fine, fine. But, it's a weird thing, because with comedy, I mean, a lot of things in life, I try not to focus on the highs, and I try not to focus on the lows, because I don't have super control over which one is happening wherever. I, well, maybe I do, if I just am funnier and nicer, and people like me more. No, no, no, hold on. So, I did a show the other day, and I just sometimes, I was just walking around the room, and I was just writing down keywords, like weird things that I saw, whatever. And when I got on stage, from the second I started talking, from the get-go, there was just no material. There was just that stuff, bouncing off of this, off of that, talking to these people, going over to those people. And, like, I had people come in, and they were like, I couldn't breathe. I, you know, I was just like, whoa, you, I don't know, I don't want to hurt anybody. You know, and people were like, you made me cry. And I was like, I don't want you to cry, I want you to have a good time. So, I guess that's good, right?

    Unknown: Subtitles by the Amara.org community

    Robot: Subtitles by the Amara.org community The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at http://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar Also, pretty please subscribe. Wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at nattybumpercar.com

  • Bumperpodcast #390 – Season 2 – Patreon

    Bumperpodcast #390 – Season 2 – Patreon

    A bunch of shenanigans. That’s what this is … Natty comes clean about some ridiculousness. Some fibs. And – announces that we have a super-cool Patreon page. Go check it out! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

    About This Episode

    In episode 390 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns after a mysterious absence, revealing that the "Future Bumpercar" from previous episodes was actually an actor named Reginald from a renaissance fair. Aloysius J. Pig and Doodle Poodle are not amused by Natty's elaborate prank, which abandoned the planned Season 2 storyline. Natty announces the launch of a new Patreon page at patreon.com/nattybumpercar, promising exclusive content, merchandise like t-shirts and stickers, and a book in development. Despite the playful anger from his puppet friends about the production hiatus and pulling the rug out from under listeners, Natty remains optimistic about creating more content through the Patreon platform.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You're putting out a carpet so they can step on it, and you're just pulling it out from under them.”

    — Aloysius J. Pig

    “If you don't make stuff, what are you doing? You're languishing. You're laundering? No, you're laying. You're lackadaisical.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I am here for the craft, for the love of the craft, for the love of the art, if you will.”

    — Reginald/Robot

    Topics: #patreon #behindthescenes #pranks #season2 #contentcreation #merchandise #podcastproduction

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: you you should have seen the look on you guys's faces this is hilarious this is wait what natty what yeah yeah no no it's me i'm back this is natty this doesn't make any sense remember there's the whole thing it's been a long time since you record with i don't understand what's happening you're not natty uh i almost i never i'm never confused but right now i'm mighty confused i don't know how to what is happening so so so so okay remember we there was like season two and where's natty and natty's in the future and the future natty came back and it was like all crazy and there was like a really cool song and everything and yeah i remember because i made a

    Doodle Poodle: really nice drawings of you in the cave and it was i made some drawings you know natty so this

    Natty Bumpercar: dog over here he made some drawings for you because we were very worried but concerned you understand and you you would disappear and yeah yeah i don't understand what's happening well so that's the funny thing is we i kind of played a big prank on everybody and uh i uh i got the the oh what is this you called him like old natty or something like that we called him future bumper car because he was supposed to be from the future and he said that you you had gone to the future and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and

    Doodle Poodle: Everything. I'm very, I'm super confused as well.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry, Doodle Poodle. Doodle Poodle, it's weird. You're only coming in through one channel. I can only hear you in my left speaker. Can you fix that? Stop trying to deflect, Bumper Guy. No one's happy right now, okay? You caused an uproar. You caused a hullabaloo. You caused a big what to do is what you did, okay? And so no one's, don't worry, Doodle Poodle, you're okay. Calm, take your deep breaths. Take your deep breaths, okay? The dog is very upset here, Natty. What Aloysius just said is true. Now, there are jokes and there are jokes, but, you know, you've really outdone yourself. You've put out two episodes in like three months now, which is unheard of. I know. People have flocked away. What? Really? Now, can you explain that? Well, yeah, so I've been really busy. Yeah. Busy, seriously? Yeah, I know. But I have. I started, we started a Patreon page. A Patreon, what? Yeah, no, what is this, Bumper Guy? I don't understand. No. Is there something legal involved? Yeah, so it's a place that people can go and they can subscribe to different levels and we can actually start to, you know, like, fund this thing. Hold on a second here. You are speaking my language, my lingua franca, as it were. Now, so you could say we can be raising some, some, some, some sweet, sweet cash on, on, on this Pat, Patrion. Pa, Patrion, yeah, and it's, it's just, it's, it's easy because it's just, I think, I'm trying to think. It's a website and the URL, it's just patrion.com slash nattybumpercar and so people can go there and they can get, like, cool things. Like, we're trying to figure out T-shirts and buttons and stickers and, like, exclusive stuff that only the people who subscribe to the Patreon can see. Which is kind of neat. Like, we're doing silly unboxing videos. We're getting the studio all set up so that we can start to really pump out more content. More content, more content, more content, more content. Man, I can't, what else are we gonna make? We had Snowflake, the webcomic that you did. We do the podcast every so often. I hope it's more often now. We did Piggin' Pals. We did that every day for, like, I don't know, five months. So, I mean, we got so much content. Now, is there a user agreement? Is there some sort of EULA? Is there some sort of thing that I, I feel like I need to read over this paperwork before we go full, full, full bore. Excuse me. Yeah. Good one. Full pig. Full pig. Thank you. With this whole thing. It's not that funny, okay? Full bore is not something we say in, in, in my world, okay? It's not a, it's not a nice thing to say, all right? Yeah, don't say that. So, it's already, it's already launched. It's already there. It's already, like, everything, I, we, I made all sorts of cool images and levels and videos. I've already have, like, a welcome, welcome to the Patreon type thing. And, yeah, so it's just gonna be a fun thing. So, I hope, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll definitely promote it and plug it. And hopefully people will start hopping on. And that would be amazing. Uh, because the thing is, is we love making stuff, obviously. Oh, well, do we really, though? Yes, of course we do. Or else I wouldn't be standing in a freezing cold room, uh, this shed, no insulation, no heat, no power, uh, making this right now, right? I mean, it's just fun to make stuff. If you don't make stuff, what are you doing? You're languishing. You're laundering? No, you're laying. You're lackadaisical. It's a lot of L words. Uh, like, uh, lima beans? Uh, lappa dappa? I'm trying to think. There's not a lot of L words, are there? Uh, excuse me, everyone. I feel like I should step on your toes a bit to ask a question. Am I still required here? Holy guacamole, I forgot he was even still here. Yeah, that's another mystery. Who is this dude, Matty? I don't know, like, who is he? Well, um, my name is… I didn't ask you. Well, finally. Yeah. Matty, not you. Okay, no need to be rude. Uh, he did ask me, though. Um, so, he is… not some random dude that I found at a renaissance fair, uh, who is looking for work. Wait a minute. He's definitely not that. Are we paying him? Because if you're finding just actors on the streets, they don't just act for nothing, do they? If I may… You may not. You may not. Pig. Not nice. No, no, Pig and Lou is on to something important here, I feel. So, if we can just get actors, what are we paying everybody here for? Are we paying you? And that, sir, is a direct question. Do not try to facilitate or obfuscate my answer, please. Okay, I am here for the craft, for the love of the craft, for the love of the art, if you will.

    Robot: Well, um, my actual name is Reginald, and I have been in an acting troupe. My entire life.

    Natty Bumpercar: And, well, I'm just happy to have come here and done the research and all the work. And, of course, I'm going to put a hat out if you would… He's going to throw a hat? Why? Like, to… What do you do? To do what? Throw a couple of coins in. What? No way! This is… You're not going to busk here. This is a studio. What are you talking about? This is like a residence. Kind of bizarre. Keep your hand on your head. Um, yeah, we… Reginald, I'm… I do appreciate… I appreciate all the work you did and, uh, everything, but, you know, we kind of talked about how you didn't want to be paid, and so I think probably throwing a hat out at this point is not a great idea. And, really, uh, not a happy audience. Nope. Not a happy audience here right now. Well, then, I suppose I will be on my way, but not before I give you a final bow and bid you adieu. Okay, uh, thanks, Reginald. We'll see you later.

    Robot: All the world's a stage!

    Natty Bumpercar: He didn't say all the world is a stage. Come on, bumper car, you got to stop bringing random people into the house, okay? It's just… It's just weird, though. Yeah, but… Yeah, but it was kind of funny, right? The whole thing, the future, and, you know, we got two cool episodes out of it, and… Nope. I am seeing through this. I am seeing through this facade. I'm seeing through this ruse. You just didn't want to keep doing all the production. And making the songs. You did two… Because we had a whole script written out. We had a whole thing figured out that we were going to do. There was an outline. Remember season two? We were super excited about it. Well, yeah, and, uh… Shh! That's behind the scenes. You didn't want to do the work! Okay. So that's behind the scenes stuff, pig. Uh, and it was a ton of work, and I wanted to focus on the Patreon, and I'm sure you'll be sure we're going to do episodic content at some point. Right? I assume… You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself there, Natty. Just absolutely beside yourself. Just, what are you doing? Not just to yourself, but to your friends, us, and to your listeners. You're putting out a carpet so they can step on it, and you're just pulling it out from under them. You're putting a carpet over mud… Yeah. …to protect your listeners. And then you're ripping it out underneath them. Oh, now I feel terrible. And you should. I don't know how you sleep at night, but you should feel very rough. Uh, you know what? I'm done for today. Talk about your Patreon thing again. Plug it away. You know, whatevs. But, man, this is really having me, uh, refocus on some of my issues here. I'm really looking at my life, is all I'm saying. Come on, buddy. Okay. Um, well, yeah. Hey, everybody. So, I'm really sorry about the trick. Uh, but it's okay, because we have a Patreon. Patreon.com slash NattyBumperCar. Please go check it out. Uh, there'll be exclusive content. There'll be, like, prizes you can get if you join certain levels. We're… T-shirts, buttons, stickers, and a really cool thing. We're working on a book. All of us. Uh, and it's pretty far along. And so, I hope in the next couple months that I'll have, uh, something for you to check out. Because, you know, we like to make stuff. Make stuff for you. Make stuff for you. That's what we do. Remember the cool song? Uh, that was… That was a lot of fun to make. Maybe there'll be more songs. I don't know. I've never fired a client, but, uh, I'm on the verge of cutting you loose. Yeah, I got your, uh, invoice. Uh, I'm gonna have that paid for you tomorrow, okay? Well, welcome back to the… Oh, my best client. Natty Bumpercar.

    Robot: What, what? If you like what we're doing, please subscribe to our podcast. Like it. Give us a review. Tell your friends to listen. It helps more than you could know. Don't forget to go to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Natty Bumpercar. Every little bit helps. Toodles!

    Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program, and many others like it, on the Non-Productive Network, is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No-Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

    Doodle Poodle: Thanks for watching.

    Unknown: Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

    Podcast: Download | Embed

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  • Bumperpodcast #327 – Is This Podcast Scripted?

    Bumperpodcast #327 – Is This Podcast Scripted?

    Natty Bumpercar and Pig get into a real row over the mailroom, and why people aren’t checking their mail slots. This bickering brings Rufus T. Rufus back to the show – where he lets everyone in on some secret learning that he’s been up to.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 327, Natty Bumpercar makes a shocking revelation that throws the entire show into chaos: the podcast has been scripted all along! Aloysious J. Pig is stunned to discover there's a mail room with scripts he's never checked, leading to a heated debate about unpaid rent and missing cable channels. Rufus T. Rufus arrives as the show's lawyer and newly certified IT overlord, threatening legal action over contract violations. The episode devolves into arguments about lease agreements, allowances, and whether anyone actually listens to the show. Natty shares a heartwarming story about helping a lost stranger, pleading for everyone to just be nice to each other. The chaos concludes with promises of newsletters, wiki pages, and mail chimp subscriptions to finally get the show organized.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It is 100% scripted and if you check your cubby in the mail room that's where all the scripts have been for every single episode and if you're not checking them then I'm assuming there's just a huge pile.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Nobody listens to this show. I mean we've been looking at the numbers, the downloads, all of your analytic metrics. I know a few more words now because I took class at the mall.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “You got to help people, you got to help strangers because you don't know what situation they're in and you don't know if one day you're going to be in a situation where you need help too.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #scriptedvsimprovised #rentdispute #legalcontracts #mailroom #kindness #helpingstrangers #behindthescenes #showbusiness

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: uh so hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is well you know what this is this is the bumper podcast because you can hear me lisping so you obviously automatically are like oh this is the show where the host and every person on it lisps even if they're a robot or a pig cool well i'm a little bit uh i have a kerfuffle i was uh i was going through the uh the script for today

    Aloysious J. Pig: and bro did you just say there's a script hey pig yeah hey it's me aloysius j pig um did you just say that there was a script for this show this is just what what are you talking about there's no

    Natty Bumpercar: way this is scripted bro it is 100 scripted and if you check your cubby uh that's where in the mail room that's where all the scripts have been for every single episode and if you're not checking them then i'm assuming there's just a huge pile i don't know wait is this why you haven't been paying your rent you've never actually even paid your rent this doesn't make any come on dude there's a mail room

    Aloysious J. Pig: you've got a mail slot it goes into a cubby okay first things first no one ever told me that i was gonna have to pay for this and if they did i probably would have lived somewhere else okay because let's be honest the accommodations

    Natty Bumpercar: maybe ain't as up to snuff as you think today is and by the way if i were to pay rent i would expect some things some frivolities if you will i would expect a stocked refrigerator i would expect the bathroom to be caked in mud because you know what pigs like a little bit of a mud bath and uh there's some other things too okay i don't think i get all the channels what do you mean you'll get all the channels we get all the channels we get the big package are you sure yes i'm positive i check seriously all you should you want to go through it right now no not right now well when do you want to do this because if we're going to do this like if we're going to be complaining about everything here at headquarters then i don't maybe that we start there we start with the channels and we work our way from uh zero there ain't no zero that's just okay fine yeah well we start from wherever the channels start and we go all the way through them well if you ain't got zero today at all yeah i see see how it works bumper car you said you got to go through it all the channels and then i caught you in a loophole and now your contract is expired and now not only did i not pay rent but i will be seeing you in a court of law whereby i believe you will owe me some sort of restitution for the pain and suffering that i have experienced since i have been living here so wait just because you don't have the zeros exactly that doesn't come on got the double o channel zero okay no it's not okay and i i don't i'm oh no this is not how i wanted my i hello rufus rufus lawyer to headquarters for all of our legal woes that is exactly correct it is i rufus t rufus and i've jumped into the fray this morning i am uh if i can stand the heat and so i will be staying in the kitchen the pot is on the stove and the burner is on high and there is oil in the pan with a little bit of butter so that it doesn't uh smoke and so you'll get your flavor and i'm gonna hop in to that hot pan in that hot oil on that hot stove in that hot kitchen because again oh rufus t rufus can take the heat and now what i understand first things first stop stop stop how come i never got a script for this show huh what are you talking about if i'm the lawyer i feel like i should be reading and resuscitating the words that are going to be spoken on a weekly basis are you supposed to be checking your uh mail slot evidently have you been to the mail i didn't even know it was a mail room evidently there's some sort of uh money that's to someone i'm not entirely sure okay listen both of you just stop there's no legal issues pig i will go to the mail room we'll go through the scripts we can organize them and then you can actually check them out and look and see what's there and what's kind of what i mean every week i send you guys stuff i always wonder why things go off the rails and now i know ah completely scripted from the first episode the bumper podcast i had it's uh you know it's got everyone's name who's supposed to be on it it's got like the synopsis of the beginning of the episode and you know it ah this is so i put in so much work i type those out manually individual every single one i type out manually on a typewriter because i don't want there to be a digital copy because then that's going to leak out on the internet and everyone's going to know what the episode is all about and you know if you spoilers but if you put that stuff out then people aren't going to listen because they're like why would i bother listening to your episode if i already know exactly what's going on and i'm not going to be able to listen to it what's going to happen give it give it give it give it hold on son now son now son now say listen to me uh nobody listens to this show i mean we've been looking at the numbers we've been looking at the downloads we've been looking at all of your analytic metrics i know a few more words now than i used to know because i took class at the mall where they told me i am now officially certified not only to be your lawyer but also to be your lawyer also to be your information technology overlord so i can what i can do is i can boot up a server for you i can boost your ram i can change the batteries in your mouth i can do all of these things on top of providing with you the best lawyering in this town in this whole place so back to square one when this show started i was under the interpretation that this was an improvised show and that there would be no scripting because you see that requires a completely different contract from the players now that would be mr doodle pooter that would be mr robot that would be whatever that uh that that that that that pirate man was called i believe there was other cat anyway anyone who's been on this show will have to sign this on the dotted line you understand that it's not exactly a dotted line it's a straight line very thin looks a little bit dotted in the right light but you understand i will put a post-it note with an arrow pointing to where they need to sign you understand and if they don't sign my friend every single episode is

    Aloysious J. Pig: gonna have to go ah bah bah now you say now that sounds like a threat like he's gonna take every single episode of the bubba podcast away

    Natty Bumpercar: but to me it sounds like you're doing a service to the community it sounds like you're helping people out you're like i'm gonna there's this flotsam there's this jetsam uh floating around the ocean i'm gonna take it out and we're gonna clean it up so that the whales don't eat uh whatever you're putting out okay so that's environmentally friendly it's environmentally safe and i like it i appreciate it rupes not only are you our it overlord not only are you our employer but evidently you're also our uh environmental wizard so thank you so much for keeping the planet fresh and safe for me and mine no totally in the time okay if you say me and mine that's putting on an assumption that there's more than there's just you there's just you there's you don't go out of the house i mean which is cool it's fine i'm just saying and i don't know why i'm sticking on that it's my sticking point because i'm kind of freaking out rufus you can't keep coming into the show and threatening to take the whole show away that makes you the villain of the show which is fine i guess because people seem to like villains these days why do people like why do people have to be mean to people we don't need villains the world is tough enough i always say that everyone should be nice to each other why just the other day i had to drop my car off at the shop because it had a hole in the tire and i said the guy well how long do you think this will take he said well there's a lot of cars in front of you probably a couple hours and i was like whoa until you can even see it he was like yeah and so i walked two miles home good for me right uphill both ways but on the walk home uh there was a woman who was kind of lost seeming and kind of she was and i was like hey how can i help you and she had ridden the bus and the bus dropped her off at the wrong place and she was like how do i get to and she told me the name of the place and so i found it on the map and i was like see this blue dot here that's you you're i'm a blue dot and i was like i know i'm a blue dot too maybe we're both blue dots i don't know and i was like but see this red dot and she's like yeah and i was like that's where you gotta go and she's like that looks far and i was like it is 2.14 miles and she was like nope but here's the thing i took her back to the bus stop because she had an hour and a half and i said just wait here when the bus comes make sure you get off i told her where to get off and i made her day because why because you got to help people you got to help strangers because you know you don't know what situation they're in and you don't know if one day you're going to be in a situation where you need help too and so then what do you do you're going to look for somebody to help you and hopefully the world's going to be a nice place and it's going to help you out as opposed to somebody coming in and threatening to take away my podcast which is this episode 327 and i haven't even gotten to i'm riled i'm a little bit riled now i haven't even gotten to the whole paying rent thing listen um i was looking through i went back down to the mail room while you was yipping and yapping and i found some papers and i found there was a lease agreement that was never signed i never saw that and so my assumption is and also i thought i was supposed to be getting an allowance to help you out with all these escapades that you put forth see none of that so what i propose is clean slate wipe it clean tabula rasa and then we move forward i don't owe you nothing you don't currently owe me nothing but that will you know it's going to build up the more i talk on the show and then we just go from there now gentlemen i understand i'm listening and it makes sense to me what i've done is i have uh signed up for mail chimp and i'm going to start a newsletter that's going to have a full list of people that are going to be in the i will send it to both of you you will fill out this form and this will act as a contract which i will store in the cloud and my documents in the cloud i will send you the password protected excel spreadsheet file and i believe that that's going to clarify everything and if you check my wiki page and you understand that's going to be all on there for y'all to read now if you need to and then you could move that forward as well i'm very nimble might you understand i gotta be quick and be ready to move i'm actually astounded that you knew all those words those are very technical words you really that mall class really did you right fine all right we're going to figure all this out you're going to send the form i'm going to read your wiki we're going to do all that we're going to push it on get whatever all that stuff is right and um next week though i would very much appreciate it if you guys could check your mail slots because we'll have the script and we'll have in there it's usually there by wednesday or thursday so that you guys can get into character and figure out what you're supposed to be talking about and if you have to research anything i don't know how method you are for your uh podcasting but i feel like we're on the right track now finally and moving forward i'm pretty sure that things are gonna be amazing

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