Bumperpodcast #441 – Season 3 – Better than better
Natty Bumpercar is finally feeling better. So tune in for an unforgettable comedic experience that will leave you in stitches and craving more. Don’t miss out—hit play and join Natty Bumpercar on his comedic journey through the ups and downs of life in Coffee-Can Alley!
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Every week, Natty Bumpercar presents a few ounces of ridiculousness with a dash or two of stupefaction. It's totes banoo!
Transcription
Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.
And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.
Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.
NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com
Full Transcript
Natty Bumpercar: it was pointed out to me by someone who listens to the show that you're not allowed i'm not allowed to record and put out an episode that said the title was i died a little bit and then not put out another episode for a long long time they were like what are you doing you can't put out there that you died a little bit and then disappear it's not right it's not fair i mean you know like all your silly characters they haven't even been on the show with you and you know who knows how long who knows how many episodes is this is this whole thing just
Aloysious J. Pig: falling apart or like what is even going on let me tell you what is going on hello everybody it's me aloicious jay pig hey i i missed you it's good to see you and hear you and see you hi yeah hi hi okay here's the thing bumper guy and everybody i'm just gonna pull the curtain back a little bit bump we've seen each other okay you know we had a whole plan with the with the show well you know where's bumper guy you know we've done it a few times i guess but this was a little bit different you know and then uh so me and rufus and producer we got together and we we're talking you know and we're like all right bubble guy you're gonna go over there we're gonna record our own episodes and then you'll come in and you'll do yours and back and forth until it gets closer and closer and more confusing and uh then um you know it would all it would culminate
Rufus T. Rufus: i believe the word now yeah i believe that's the word that we used uh when we were kind of uh building out a schedule it's kind of a little bit of a skeleton idea of uh a team of people who worked together and everything that was going on at the time you're not talking about race crimes science and the trend of racing you know there was you knowเว isto is there's a template of what we were trying to think about doing is you know uh so little confusion have a little fun where you know he's not his daddy's where's everybody and we're like where's natty and back and forth and you know how we do and then there was something i don't know so we hadn't really figured it out because you know we like to play it off the cuff a little bit but it was gonna be funny that i can guarantee you ま
Natty Bumpercar: Well, I mean, if not funny, then at least ridiculous. I think that's the one thing that this podcast can always guarantee that it's going to deliver. I was recently at a meeting for a bunch of radio people, and we were talking about the different stuff, and somebody was nervous. They were like, oh, I don't know what to put out. I don't know what to make. What will people think? And I kind of raised my hand, and I was like, hey, I've been doing a podcast for a million years at this point. You should listen to it, and it will immediately assuage any fears that you may have about recording something or doing something or structure or, you know, desire to be good. And, you know, any of these things, you listen to this podcast, and you're immediately like, hell, I understand. You know what? I can't be worse than that.
Producer: Yes, Natalie, I hope that you're referring to not really the show production, because I am the producer, and it makes me kind of nervous when you're saying, oh, it's a bad show. Oh, it's unlistenable. Oh, everybody doesn't like it. Like, no one has ever made it through an entire episode. You know what I'm saying. But it hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings.
Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, oh, I got stuck there for a second. I agree, producer. You know, I've heard people say things like, this podcast is unlistenable. It's unattractive. Ungood is a word that I heard. I said, I'm not even sure if that is a word that you're using. I've heard people say it's despicable, which I don't know if I agree with. Uh, one bit. Uh, just, I've heard people say a lot of things.
Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I, I, hold on, I do. Exactly. Yeah, so I, I, I mean, I listen. I got my ears to the street so that I can hear the beats of what everybody's saying, if it's nice or if it's sweet. If it ain't, that's okay. That's, I'm just, all right. Sometimes I bust into rhymes. I do that. It's what I, that's what I do. But, like, I've heard people say that they'd rather, uh, go to the upside-down dentist. Then, then, then, then listen to the show, which I didn't even know an upside dentist was a thing. But it does, I guess, it might be easier to get to the teeth that are on the top. Like, I never understand when the dentist is in there, and they're cleaning and cleaning. You know, it's gonna be easier to hit the teeth on the bottom. So, why don't they just, like, flip your chair upside down, and then they can clean the top ones as if they were the bottom ones. Yeah. And, and, and, you know, I think it would just be a better situation. I agree.
Natty Bumpercar: I don't agree. Well, hold on. I don't agree with all of the mean things that you were all saying, that other people were saying about the podcast. That, that I do not agree with. But I, I do like your idea about the upside-down dentist. I think the problem being, it might make people uncomfortable or dizzy if they're flipped upside-down. Um, so that's gonna be an issue that we'll have to work through. But I think, you know, just for a basic idea, just for the beginning of an idea, Uh, Rufus, if you could possibly go and file the paperwork, I think that this is probably going to be our bazillion-dollar idea.
Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, well, Natty, uh, I, you know what, for once, I actually agree with you. Like, I, I didn't agree with the whole shenanigans of disappearing and then, uh, you know, that. Because it, it's been done before and done much better, if I may say so myself. But, but, but, uh, what I do agree with you on. Of course, is the prospect, is the idea, is the inclination of making a little bit of a donation into my wallet. That's a cash donation, if you catch my drift. So I'm just gonna scoot on out of here. It's fun talking with everybody. And I'm gonna make my way, uh, to my office. And, well, I got the papers, and I'm gonna file the papers. And, uh, well, you know, hopefully, we'll, we'll hear, we'll hear the cash register start, uh, jingling. All right. Uh, hold on. All right, then. Oh, okay.
Aloysious J. Pig: You know what's always strange to me? Thanks, thanks, Rufus. Just, if you want to go, you can just, you can stand up and walk out of the room. Now, I don't know if anyone's really even gonna notice. Uh, I, I know, I get it. It's polite to, to tell everybody. But he, he, he, he was, he left the podcast like he was leaving a voicemail. Like, he's just kind of like, all right, I guess I'll be seeing you soon. You know, that kind of thing. I guess that's. Part of his, uh, his hospitality, or whatever it is. Um, anyway, all right, yeah, go file those papers, buddy. We're gonna do this. This is, we haven't done a podcast episode in a long time, and it seems like pretty soon we ain't gonna even need to. We ain't gonna have time to do it, because we're gonna be diving into our pool of upside dentist money. Can't wait. Oh, boy. Money, money, money.
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it's just, like. I do think it's a good idea, and I think maybe I did this, too, and I apologize to everyone who's listening. We, we don't do things just for money. Money is not the end-all, be-all. Okay? Like, I think a lot of people might be helped by the upside dentist. I think, you know, it's gonna do some good in the world. And, you know, we're not completely driven by, by money. Like, the other day, I had a show, and I've been having so many shows lately. I figured it out. I've had eight shows in the last two weeks. That's a lot of shows, and it's phenomenal, and I love it, and it's wonderful. And I hope that it continues, because I've been having a really good time. Well, I had a really good time at, let me think. The first four shows were all wonderful. The next two shows, they hurt me. They made, they made me feel pain, because I didn't connect with the crowd. And, uh. So, that's kind of my fault. Also, this, the one of those shows, this, I think it was the first one, I had gone out to eat before, right before the show, and had eaten a stack of pancakes. I really have been loving pancakes lately. Don't know what it is about the pancakes, but they're just so good, and they're everything that my little body wants. But, I learned very quickly, and very real, do not eat a giant stack of pancakes. Before trying to go on stage, uh, at a, at a big show, and try to entertain people. Because, all your body's going to be doing is trying to metabolize, and trying to, um, just absorb the brick of, of batter that you have, uh, put inside yourself. And, not even that, not even just the brick of batter, but there's also all the sugar from the, uh, the syrup. And, uh. Just come on. I, I actually, I started to go into a, um, not a sugar coma, but it, I mean, I, I could feel myself nodding off. I started to fall asleep a little, and I was like, I, I gotta, I gotta go, I gotta go get me a Coke. And, so I had to go down, and when I went down, I found out this venue, this place, there were 60 steps. There were, like, several stairwells for me to get from where the show was, down to the concession bar, and then… Uh, on the way back up, well, on the way down, I noticed, I was just like, this is insane. How many steps is this? And, so on the way up, I, I counted them, and it was 60. And, um, you know, I like to, a lot of times, try to talk about things that are happening right there. Try to talk about things that are in the room. It just, it makes my brain happy. And, uh, so, and it helps me to get into material. And, that night, I tried to do that, and, uh, I think I started my set off, and I was just like, 60 steps? You know? We're gonna have to carry you back down. I don't know. It was silly. It was silly. 60 steps, I kept saying. No one, they didn't care. They were like, why are you counting steps? Who are you? The, the, the head step counter?
Producer: I, I'm just amazed that you were able to count the steps. This is counter 60. That's more than I ever assumed. I don't know you in math, but it's more than I thought that you'd be able to count.
Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, me too, Bumper Guy. You just got zinged by a frog named a producer. How does that feel? Well, anyway, but who cares about this story? You were telling us about how you had fun at a show. Why are you telling us about the bad show? Get over the bad show. Talk about the fun show. It makes more sense, right? Okay.
Natty Bumpercar: Yes, fine, fine, fine. But, it's a weird thing, because with comedy, I mean, a lot of things in life, I try not to focus on the highs, and I try not to focus on the lows, because I don't have super control over which one is happening wherever. I, well, maybe I do, if I just am funnier and nicer, and people like me more. No, no, no, hold on. So, I did a show the other day, and I just sometimes, I was just walking around the room, and I was just writing down keywords, like weird things that I saw, whatever. And when I got on stage, from the second I started talking, from the get-go, there was just no material. There was just that stuff, bouncing off of this, off of that, talking to these people, going over to those people. And, like, I had people come in, and they were like, I couldn't breathe. I, you know, I was just like, whoa, you, I don't know, I don't want to hurt anybody. You know, and people were like, you made me cry. And I was like, I don't want you to cry, I want you to have a good time. So, I guess that's good, right?
Unknown: Subtitles by the Amara.org community
Robot: Subtitles by the Amara.org community The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at http://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar Also, pretty please subscribe. Wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at nattybumpercar.com
