Get it?!? Chick + Peas = [awwww shucks – never mind . . .]

There is this nifty phenomenon that I seem to fall into on an occasional basis that I shall (seriously I said that I shall) start to refer to as the “wave through” – which isn’t to be confused in the least bit with the “wave trough” – which is something completely and all together different.

The other day I was walking around one of those big blue (swedish) box stores that I tend to hold so close to my heart – when a (seemingly – I never actually met her) nice lady in her mid-years threw a sparkly smile, eyes that beamed with recognition and one of those waves of over-exuberance that people usually hold for when they really have to pee and they know the answer to the million dollar question and they are being swarmed by mean mean bees my way. I was about ten (10) yards away from her in my own little world drinking a seventy-five (75) cent neon yellow/green fountain beverage when her joy at my presence caught my attention . . . “Hey – that nice lady (who I’m not entirely sure that I have/haven’t met) is really really thrilled to see me . . . perhaps I should make my way over to . . .” And just as I make my move to go and see what in the world she and Steve (and yes – I am now so far into the delusion that I have decided that she is – perhaps – married to some ‘Steve’ – who by the way – I am now guessing is a wiz on the Bar-B-Q – which comes about partially because I have been starving for some ribs the last few days and also because ‘Steve’ is “the man” and how could he not be a wiz at whatever he u his mind too?! – and that is officially too many inconsequential tangents) – blah blah blah – back to me starting to acknowledge my long lost friend when from behind me . . . an actual acknowledgment . . . and from someone that seems to honestly know the woman. And there I am – left trying to pretend that I wasn’t making a beeline into a somehow potentially more awkward (and somewhat hopefully more amusing) situation . . .

Then I scampered away like an injured woodland animal whose injury somehow made him less adorable to the forest around him – and decided to find solace by rushing to another part of the forest – and perhaps that other part of the forest (read: store) would practically give him meatballs and potatoes slathered with gravy and a sweet side of lingonberry sauce – perhaps . . .

Never let it be said that I have any type of memory (really long or short) – I am much like a goose who lets the rain of life experiences slide off of whatever allows water to bead up and then slide off of my . . . uhm – feathers – I guess . . . So it should come as no surprise that not even an hour (1) later as I was perusing the fabrics I fell hard into the same social trap that I had fallen into before . . . (and yes – there are bolts of fabric to peruse – down by the curtains – and sometimes you can find me there . . . making watercolor sketches of things [on a side note – I wish that I made more watercolor sketches. . .]) A swirling vortex of cheer and “Hey great to see you – come check out this crazy bargain that I just stumbled onto . . .” came my way – and like the true blue-blooded moop that I tend to be . . . straight over I went . . . only this time I figured out that I didn’t know the person at all – and pulled my soon to be patented “Smile knowingly at how overwhelming these enormous stores are” and keep on walking to where I was obviously walking before – which wasn’t to you – you “person that I don’t even know a little tiny bit.”

That last little patent thing is still pending – trying to get all of my paperwork together to mail in – until then – here is my bit of advice to avoid the big “wave through” – if anyone ever acknowledges you anywhere (even if it is in your own home) . . . just walk right by – or look intently at a spot above their right shoulder (like there is a spider or a balloon there or something) – and when they go to look at what you are looking at – just disappear . . .

** poof **

Well – well – well . . . for the sake of being lazy – and also for the other sake of actually updating on a semi-normal basis – we here at Bumpercar HQ (which to my mind is short for “Headquarters” – which you really probably already knew) have decided to let the little ants live over here in the Bumperblog.

“Who in the world are these “ants” anyways?” You may very well be asking yourself – and since it is such a fine question – I have have have decided to answer it as perfectly as I possibly can.

The “ants” may or may not have originally been called “Lil’ Man” – with the main ant – the one who is usually on the left being the aforementioned “Lil’ Man” . . . it was a name that he hated and that was just supposed to be just ridiculous enough to work – and then this terrible thing happened – and the name immediately went away – and I just started referring to them as “ants.”

After drawing some of these things in the notebook that lives in my back pocket, I would often say “Hey. I made some more ants today.” Or something like that right before I made somebody read the little buggers. What a blast it all was. A serious ball was had by all . . .

Now a quick explanation – a caveat – these are meant to be silly little bugs that are sometimes miserable with the world around them – so they aren’t always that nice or happy. If you are ridiculously easily offended – and you would like something full of wit and whimsy – may I recommend this comic strip . . . They are done really fast for the most part (sometimes even while driving) – so they look how they look (to my mind – a good way to describe them would be “endearing” – hee).

Anyway – seriously – thanks for looking at stuff – if you keep doing that – then I promise to keep making more stuff – for you to then look at – and then – oh you get the point – on and on we go. Too-de-loo!




Stand-Up Comedy