Don’t talk to me about Buckley’s. As a matter of fact . . . don’t even look in my general direction when the concept of Buckley’s floats through your mind . . . it is all just too terrible – seriously.

Buckley’s is a joke of a cough syrup from our hilarious neighbors to the north (Canada) . . . and taking it is like licking a dollop of Vick’s mentholated rub off of a strip of fly paper that has been steeping in a cup of gasoline(ated) turpentine. It is bad bad bad in ways that I can’t even figure out – so heed my experience as a warning.

I had been sick for a few days and the normal ways of kicking the sickness to the curb weren’t quite working out (you know that I am talking all about you Dayquil/Nyquil knock out combo) . . . and so I took the advice of a fellow coworker and went on a mission to find some of what he called “Some really terrible stuff.”

At first – I couldn’t find it anywhere – but I became more focused when a worker at a store said “Oh – people are buying up all of the Buckley’s . . .” when I asked here where I could find it. What was this magic medicine – that I had never heard of – that people were in such a rush to buy?! I absolutely had to have some of this nasty stuff so that it could make me all kinds of better.

When I finally got my hands on some, I laughed at the slogan on the bottle “It tastes awful. And it works.” I mean come on – it was just some in the aisle medicine – how bad could it be?! Then I took it out of it’s box and marveled at the translucent brown bottle with the pearlecent white liquid with a blue-ish tinge that I was holding in my hand. I then took a one and one-half teaspoon swig from the bottle.

Everything went blank for me at that point as the ferocious swill ate it’s way down my throat – causing me into a fit of jerks and gaggles as it went. All that I can figure is that I was completely destroyed and rebuilt from the ground up when I took a taste . . . lacking only the cold that had been sticking with me . . . I was a whole and better person – albeit with a really bad taste in my mouth that I can still conjure up a week later . . .

And then 4 (four) hours later – when the dosage wore off – the coughing came right back . . . and it was time to take another sip.

So please . . . don’t even talk to me about Buckley’s – whatever you do. . . because it is more than – more than kind of – kind of yucky – blea-uuuuugh – blug – blug – blug – amo-cabo-uch-uch-uch.

8 replies
  1. bumpercar
    bumpercar says:

    Hiya Sir Will!

    I am feeling much better – thanks to your laughter probably . . .laughter always make me feel a little bit – uhm – better . . .

    How is all in the world of you?!?!

    *cough* *cough* *cough*

  2. bumpercar
    bumpercar says:

    Well – and I'm not proud of this – necessarily – but I had to chase it with a thimble of ox blood . . . just one of the crazy tricks that I learned while on one of my walk abouts in the deep brush of the plains . . .

    Or I popped a cherry lozenge in and crossed my fingers that it would mask the ick.

    One or the other.

  3. bumpercar
    bumpercar says:

    Oh . . . gummy ox blood – as in "No real furry oxen were hurt in the process of getting this particular thimble of ox blood" type of oxen . . .

    Really – looking back on the whole situation – 'ox blood' should have been in quotation marks – and one step even further – 'blood' was supposed to be spelled 'blud' – which is just a Bavarian way of saying "Have a sip of tea with a spot of lemon and a twist of Schnapps with us – won't you?!" (which is a lot to put into with just the word 'blud' – believe me – I know – but those Bavarians are really truly crazy that way).

    So in the end – the phrase should have read 'A thimble of gummy ox "Have a sip of tea with a spot of lemon and a twist of Schnapps with us – won't you?!"' – man a lot does get lost in the translation . . .

    If anyone knows a copy editor (that is fluent in the ways of beautiful Bavaria) – please inquire toot-sweet!

  4. mary k
    mary k says:

    ohhh, no!
    I was just repeating the phrase because i liked it so much! It was sort of an under the breath-homer-simpson-esque (in my mind's ear) kinda thing. Like, you funny clever natty bumpercar you kinda thing.
    but your disclaimer/bavarian-british etymology lesson was das bloody goot.

  5. bumpercar
    bumpercar says:

    I get'cha . . .
    I got'cha . . .

    and I'm not entirely sure how to finish the rhyme scheme that I was setting up there – soooooo . . .

    Now I dance a little dance!

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