Well â€“ I do of course!
The other day I went to the dentist â€“ it had been something like 5 (five) years since I had darkened the toothy doorstep of anyone who leaned into the more â€“ ah â€“ dental areas of â€“uhm â€“ practical medicinery-ism â€“ and I was moderately nervous.
The worst part of going into any kind of office is the clip-board full of paperwork that I have to fill out . . . and â€“ honestly â€“ this may be tied to something slightly more broken in my brain â€“ because I just canâ€™t fill in the miserable little blanks on the forms with any coherent thing that makes any sense â€“ this is a pleasant â€œconditionâ€ that also happened all during school . . . put a test in front of me â€“ and I start trying to figure out what the angle is â€“ what exactly question number 10 (ten) is even getting at â€“ and how it applies to the malarkey that question 27 (twenty-seven) is screaming over there anyway â€“ anyway â€“ anyway . . .
Well â€“ some â€“ of those blanks got filled in (I know my name!) â€“ and then the dentistry really got cracking in earnest. There was scraping and polishing and sucking and â€“ most importantly â€“ a dentistâ€™s assistant that decided to (through a plastic shield â€“ and all of the noise of power tools in my head) have a complete conversation. It was all very pleasant.
The best part came when the actual dentist flew into the room, shook my hand (as he was already looking at some charts) and proclaimed that I had perfect teeth â€“ and that I should take extra special care of them. The assistant concurred. They both ran out of the room and I was left â€“ basically â€“ sitting on top of tooth-mountain â€“ the king of all teeth.
Some of the joy evaporated when the assistant came back into the room to give me an old song and dance routine (minus the singing and dancing) called â€œHow to Brush Your Teeth!â€ â€“ which included – for the record â€“ a technique that is much easier to manage when holding a set of plastic teeth out in the air . . . I happen to have gums â€“ and a cheek. Next up â€“ was a demonstration of how to floss where she â€“ no joke â€“ tied a knot in the floss and yanked it (multiple times) through all of my back teeth . . . all while gleefully saying â€œOh! That bleeding will go away soon enough!â€
Then I (old bloody gums) was told that I had more paperwork to fill out . . . and the day was done.