Natty Bumpercar: oh hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and i have a uh guest a friend a guest a compadre somebody who's helping me out with a show today who are you emerson you're emerson and you're here because it's take your kid to work day and so i decided to bring you to work right here at the bumper podcast but that was yesterday well but we're gonna pretend it was today okay because there's a lot of pretending it was yesterday and i was forgot i did not forget i was too busy at work and i was not able to you just told me i know i should have told you there was a there was a lapse in communication i sent a note to your secretary did she not give it to you
Unknown: no what your secretary to me oh come on secretary i actually
Natty Bumpercar: i I did a skywriting. I had an airplane right up in the sky. Did you look in the sky yesterday?
Unknown: No.
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so that's what the note was. The airplane in clouds wrote, dear.
Unknown: It did not.
Natty Bumpercar: And it just said EM because I didn't have enough money to spell out Emerson because that's too long of a name. Is that even your name? Yes. Of course it is. Did you just fall off of a chair?
Unknown: No.
Natty Bumpercar: You're not good at this. Yes, I am. You are not good at sitting, my friend.
Unknown: I'm very good at sitting.
Natty Bumpercar: I think we should get you into some sitting classes.
Unknown: No, I don't want to be. It's so boring. No, you could become a professional sitter. No.
Natty Bumpercar: You could get a college scholarship in sitting. No way. Some of the best schools in the nation, in the country, have sitting teams. All right, fine.
Unknown: Never, never, never, never.
Natty Bumpercar: So you didn't get my note in the clouds yesterday. Yeah, I did not. That's very sad. I feel terrible about that.
Unknown: I was in class already. What time was it at?
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it was at 11.37. And then the airplane.
Unknown: I ate lunch then.
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you were in the lunchroom? See, I messed up. I messed up. See, see. Did, did, wait, did. I also, I also, because just in case you didn't get the skywriting, I sent Socks with a note on his collar. Did he come to school? He was supposed to come to school.
Unknown: He's not. There's no dogs allowed in school.
Natty Bumpercar: They didn't. You didn't let him in?
Unknown: No.
Natty Bumpercar: Well, that's not fair at all. How am I supposed to deal with that?
Unknown: Do you know the sign that says no dogs allowed?
Natty Bumpercar: There is no sign that says no dogs allowed.
Unknown: You better check at school, Daddy.
Natty Bumpercar: You better check at school.
Unknown: I checked it already.
Natty Bumpercar: It said no dogs at school. I don't feel like you checked it. I'm not so sure that you checked it.
Unknown: I did check it.
Natty Bumpercar: And what does the sign say?
Unknown: Don't bring your pet to school.
Natty Bumpercar: That says, there is no way that there is a sign that says it.
Unknown: But you can bring cats or birds or anything else.
Natty Bumpercar: Well, this doesn't make any sense, then.
Unknown: I don't know if they're dogs. People might be allergic to cats or dogs, birds, or snails.
Natty Bumpercar: People are not allergic to snails, I don't think.
Unknown: People are allergic to strawberries.
Natty Bumpercar: Who's allergic to strawberries?
Unknown: Nobody.
Natty Bumpercar: I feel like there's somebody that you're thinking of that is specifically.
Unknown: No, no, no, no, no.
Natty Bumpercar: But is he actually allergic to strawberries, do you think? No. We are speaking about Emerson Smallbrook. His little brother, Oliver, who claims to be allergic to strawberries. And what happens?
Unknown: He froze up, but he's not allergic because he never, ever, ever, ever tried them.
Natty Bumpercar: Emerson.
Unknown: What?
Natty Bumpercar: I feel like there are some foods that have strawberry in them that Oliver eats. And he does not get sick. He does not freak out. Did you know this?
Unknown: Yes, I did know that.
Natty Bumpercar: What foods do you think he eats that actually have strawberries in them?
Unknown: I, um, donuts, strawberries.
Natty Bumpercar: Strawberry donuts? The pink ones?
Unknown: Yeah, and, and, and ice cream.
Natty Bumpercar: Strawberry ice cream? Yeah, uh, I don't know if he's actually had any of that. He has. What's his favorite ice cream flavor?
Unknown: Cookie Monster? What color is it?
Natty Bumpercar: Um, blue.
Unknown: And what's in it?
Natty Bumpercar: Chocolate chips. No, there's cookies in it.
Unknown: What?
Natty Bumpercar: Oh. Oh, maybe chocolate chips. Maybe it's like chocolate chip cookies. And I like chocolate chip mint. That's new.
Unknown: That's a new thing.
Natty Bumpercar: Because I used to not like mint. I know. You used to be like, mint's not good. Mint's no yum. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I was little then. Yeah, but now you're big. Now you're in the big world where you, you eat mints. What just happened? Did it just hurt your leg?
Unknown: Nope.
Natty Bumpercar: Is that, you know what? Is that another sitting issue that we're having? No, no, no. It feels like if you could just sit in your seat, like maybe this would go much better. I don't know. I'm actually kneeling because you took my chair. Oh, sorry.
Unknown: This is kneeling.
Natty Bumpercar: But you're too big for the chair. No, I'm, the chair is perfect size for me. It's my, it's my chair and I fit in it pretty well. It's probably mine.
Unknown: It's my chair too.
Natty Bumpercar: Is it? Well, I, if I share it, it's your chair.
Unknown: We share chairs.
Natty Bumpercar: There's no, I don't think there's any reason to move that. So what do you think we're going to do today when we take, take our Emerson to work?
Unknown: Um, um, daddy's going to do lots of work and then we're going to get lunch and then.
Natty Bumpercar: Nope. No lunch today. Aw. On Fridays, we're not allowed to eat lunch. They don't let us.
Unknown: Yes, they do.
Natty Bumpercar: No. They, you know what they do? What? There's a cart that comes around the hallways. And it's, it's pushed by a cart. It's, it's pushed by this, uh, really tiny old man. And all it has on it is lettuce and we each get one leaf of lettuce.
Unknown: That's bad.
Natty Bumpercar: And they say, enjoy your lettuce. Like that. Well, he's not that good.
Unknown: I think you're lying, daddy. No, but here's what, the sad part is, is they're not going to have enough lettuce for you.
Natty Bumpercar: So you and I are going to have to share a lettuce leaf for lunch.
Unknown: Ew. But what about the dressing on it? There's no dressing on it.
Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no dress, they don't have, there's no, there's no funding for dressing. I'm not going to eat it. I mean, I'm going to, I'm just going to bring, um, um, I'm just going to bring a fruit roll
Unknown: up and eat it. Where, where are you going to get this fruit roll up? Because we don't have any more. No. Okay. I'm just going to get, uh.
Natty Bumpercar: Have you seen your bag? It's full of snacks. I have so.
Unknown: I'm going to eat all my snacks. You're going to snack it up?
Natty Bumpercar: And daddy's going to get lettuce. Yeah.
Unknown: I'm, well, I'm excited for lettuce Fridays. I don't like lettuce Fridays. I like, um. You like gummy sundaes.
Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I like. And taco Tuesdays. And, and taco and, and pizza Thur. Pizza, pizza Fursday?
Unknown: Thursday. Yeah. Pizza, pizza Thursday? And, and, and, um.
Natty Bumpercar: Fish, fish steak Monday?
Unknown: Yeah.
Natty Bumpercar: What about meatball Wednesday?
Unknown: Oh, spaghetti and meatball Monday, um, and. And, and, and? And, and, and?
Natty Bumpercar: And, and, and? And, and.
Unknown: And, and.
Natty Bumpercar: And, and?
Unknown: And, and. Um. And, and.
Natty Bumpercar: And, and. And, and.
Unknown: Yeah.
Natty Bumpercar: And, and. And, and.
Unknown: Yeah, and, and. And, and. you're really thinking about this huh what about peanut butter and jelly no no no peanut butter and jelly is allergic we're just allergic but you're you can have them here but everybody's gonna have them where huh you said it's um peanut butter jay um peanut butter jelly
Natty Bumpercar: we're gonna have to edit that out they do not sponsor this podcast so we are not giving them any money no additional advertising for that for that corporation now it's today so it's gonna be lettuce friday and you know what tomorrow we're gonna start a new thing it's soup saturday but the soup we don't have anything to put in it so it's It's really just warm water. Is that okay? I think it'll be delicious.
Unknown: Hi, Daddy. I have to go pee.
Natty Bumpercar: What?
Unknown: I don't have to go pee. Do you really?
Natty Bumpercar: But you just said that to everyone. That's inappropriate. Sorry, everyone. This is now a not safe for work podcast.
Unknown: Daddy's fine. He didn't say anything about that.
Natty Bumpercar: I didn't say that we have to keep it clean?
Unknown: No, you didn't say any of that to me.
Natty Bumpercar: Wait, it was in the note that I sent you. Did you get the note?
Unknown: No.
Natty Bumpercar: I gave it to your secretary. Did she not give you this note either?
Unknown: She did not. Either? I was at 12.
Natty Bumpercar: It was at 12?
Unknown: No. Wait, what did you say again?
Natty Bumpercar: Which one?
Unknown: Oh, I was in recess. I was at recess.
Natty Bumpercar: They give you recess?
Unknown: Yeah, they give me recess.
Natty Bumpercar: I told them that you're supposed to work during lunch. I want you outside mowing the grass, picking up trash.
Unknown: They don't even have that. There's no trash anywhere.
Natty Bumpercar: There's no trash at your school?
Unknown: Yeah. What about garbage?
Natty Bumpercar: What about garbage?
Unknown: There's no garbage.
Natty Bumpercar: What about recycling?
Unknown: There's no recycling.
Natty Bumpercar: There's none of that?
Unknown: Yeah.
Natty Bumpercar: Okay, well, I don't know if I believe you, but I don't feel like you would fib to me.
Unknown: Uh, but maybe there is garbage.
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, wait a minute. You've been caught. You've been caught in a trap.
Unknown: Maybe. Maybe we do. Only in the schools, not outside. Bye. I thought you were talking about outside.
Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you have it inside? You have garbage inside?
Unknown: Yeah.
Natty Bumpercar: That's the last place that I would expect you to have garbage. Why do you have garbage inside?
Unknown: I don't know.
Natty Bumpercar: Is this your stuff? Are you putting garbage inside? No, I'm not. Well, it's a good thing to bring it back around that we are going to take your kid to work day because you know what my job is?
Unknown: What? Don't, don't make a garbage tool anywhere.
Natty Bumpercar: I'm a garbage man.
Unknown: I never seen a garbage man. I hold on to the back of the truck. I know. I've seen you last year and you never had a garbage truck.
Natty Bumpercar: This is a new job. The only reason we're still at home right now at headquarters is we're waiting for my truck to come around and get us.
Unknown: No, I already saw the truck.
Natty Bumpercar: I'm especially worried that you're not going to be able to hold on to the back of it. Like when it goes around a corner and if you fall off the truck, man, mommy's going to get really mad at me.
Unknown: And what if I have to go to the bathroom?
Natty Bumpercar: No, well, you don't get to. Here's the thing. Sometimes when the lettuce man comes around and gives me lettuce, I do sneak out and I go potty. But that's only once a day that I'm allowed to do that.
Unknown: Daddy, do you want to share food today?
Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Okay, how about I'll take one bite of lettuce and then you can have the rest because you're a growing boy and I want you to have all the nutrients and everything. Okay. Is that a good plan? Yes. Do you think you're going to make it through the whole day? Yes. Are you going to fall asleep? Maybe take a nap? Are you going to? Are you going to hide under my desk?
Unknown: Maybe.
Natty Bumpercar: My desk in the garbage truck?
Unknown: Oh, no.
Natty Bumpercar: No?
Unknown: But you do have a garbage can.
Natty Bumpercar: I do have a garbage can. I actually have two garbage cans in my tiny office.
Unknown: I never… It doesn't make any sense to me. Do you know if you're going to make this into a Star Wars thing?
Natty Bumpercar: The Star Wars thing?
Unknown: Yeah.
Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I do. I don't know if he's going to be there today.
Unknown: Aw.
Natty Bumpercar: That's one of the good reasons that we were actually able to take you to work today is I found out that no one is going to be there.
Unknown: Yay.
Natty Bumpercar: This is going to be me and you. You know why?
Unknown: Why? What about that guy?
Natty Bumpercar: You know why?
Unknown: What about…
Natty Bumpercar: Because today's Saturday.
Unknown: Yeah. Today's not Saturday. Today's Friday. Yesterday was Thursday. Womp womp.
