Here is what is happening in my world as of late . . .

Tag Archive for: Update

Update #28

Today – I went to a Doctor.

Having insurance is nifty – because – evidently – you can go to a Doctor – and isn’t (too) expensive. My only problem would be the amount of papers that have to be filled out – I not too good at filling out papers – unless with jokey answers – for instance – today there was a slot that asked if I had any ongoing illnesses . . . and I wrote “I’m not sure – but would always tired be considered an ongoing illness?!”

Yeah – I know – hilarious.

Anyway – the real fun happened when (and should have mentioned that I was at a dermatologist) I was told that I am full of atypical moles – which isn’t a problem – I guess . . . wait – wait – the real fun was where the Doctor asked if anything was bothering me. I have this mole on the back of my head – right on the hairline that gets attacked every time I get a haircut – and so I asked about that one. He was like “Well it seems okay – but if it bothers you . . . then maybe we’ll take it off . . .” and then he trailed off. Normally that is where I say thanks and exit the room. Today – I said “Yeah – let’s get rid of it.”

What happened next was a shot of novicane (a slight stick and then a little burn) – then a scissor sound (bear in mind that everything was happening behind me – and I couldn’t see anything) – and then finally (what amounted to) a soldering gun on my neck.

The whole event (the trip to the Doctor’s office) lasted about 20 (twenty) minutes – and now I get to go back in a few weeks – after they look at what they cut off. I feel a bit off balance – as the right side of my head is missing something.

Hmmmmm . . . I wonder what they will cut off next time?! Maybe my (left) pinkie – it has really been getting out of sorts lately.

Update #27

A terrible wind has swept through our semi-temporary headquarters. A cute bundle of fuzzy duplicitous(ness – or is it iocity), a deceivingly cute harbinger of things that aren’t so good . . .

Let me ask you a quick question. If you were walking through an alley – by yourself – at night – would you even give a second glance to an 8 inch tall bear? My guess is that you would make the mistake of a fervent glance – or two – while failing to maintain your leisurely pace as you moved in the direction of the lights at the end of the alley. I’m not going to make any bones about it . . . as you sped up – he would notice. He would disappear and then he would be right in front of you. He would toy with you – and that would be your end.

Little Bear 2 is a threat I have been meaning to identify for quite some time – to get the word out – to get more eyes on the street. But I didn’t want any of you fighting my battles – especially not this one. It hits too close to home.

Little Bear 2 has an identical brother. . . His name is Little Bear. Little Bear is a bright chipper charming fellow (bear) – and a real treat to have around . . . it wasn’t until we had known each other for a long while that his secret came out – the secret that he had tried to keep everyone from knowing – which was that not only did he have a twin brother . . . but that he was the exact opposite of a “bright chipper charming fellow” – and that he was out to do Little Bear in – no matter what happened.

Last night when I got back to this (here crib) place – I was struck by something alarming . . . a tiny bear wearing a t-shirt with the letters “AGL GCAL” had been stuffed into a plastic bag – and next to this “bear-in-a-bag” was a note that simply read “Don’t mess wiTH LB II!” with a post script of “yur NECKST.”

I tried to save the t-shirt wearing bear (a bear that I had never met before) . . . but he was too far gone. I decided to focus on the letters – in case they meant anything . . . but then decided that it was far more important to try to get in touch with Little Bear – he needed to know about the nights events – and maybe he could give me some clues. But just as I went to call – I heard a noise in a dark corner of the room . . . I wasn’t alone.

Before I could get to the corner – whoever or whatever was there had vanished. I was left with my thoughts. Who had messed with Little Bear II that would bring him out of hiding in such a spectacular way . . . and who exactly was next? I knew that I (at least) wouldn’t be sleeping well for awhile.

I leave with this cautionary warning . . . if you are ever in that dark alleyway – and you do see an 8″ tall bear – just ask him what his favorite ice cream is . . . if he says pistachio – then you have just made a great friend . . . if not – then run as quickly as you can – or else you may end up as the next t-shirt bear!

Update #26

So – here is a blow by blow account of my “BIG DRIVE” that occurred on Friday May the 25th . . . it should make for a great read . . . since it is broken down into hours and since it is essentially about me being in a car for 19 1/2 hours – alone with my thought(s) – and my dog.

Oh – and at the bottom – there is a “great” camera phone picture . . . of something scary!

I left the house (in New York) at 5:54 am . . . which hurt me deeply.
In New Jersey at 6:30 am – seems like great time is being made.
Dog vomit #1 at 6:50 am – I think that I am going to do away with the “am” now.
7:00 an egg McMuffin and an orange juice – what a treat!
Dog vomit #2 at 7:40 – both vomits were on the side of the road – so there was no real problem.
8:35 medium Chai Latte from one of the (many) Starbucks on the New Jersey turnpike.

In Delaware at 9:17.

In Maryland at 9:35 – did I mention that Delaware is tiny where I cross it?
From North Baltimore – to South Baltimore – there were 12 cops hiding out.

In Virginia at 11:18 – seems like things are progressing nicely.
1:06 stopped for my first tank of gas.
1:42 dropped by a Wendy’s for one of their Buffalo Crispy Chicken Sandwiches – it was terrible.

In North Carolina at 3:30 – this state is really the bear of the trip – it takes forever because for some reason – the road just seems to lolly-gag all about – like I even want to be in North Carolina for all of the time . . .
At 3:43 the only real excitement of the trip happened when – while at a rest stop – Socks and I stumbled upon a ridiculously huge (like about 5-6 feet huge) snake . . . and we were right next to it when we noticed it – yeep!
5:40 was the right time for a sweet 2 piece fried chicken with a biscuit, dirty rice and some fries from a little place that I call Bojangles – oh yes – it was the right time – indeed.

In South Carolina at 8:08 – yes – seriously – North Carolina takes as much time to get through as most states added up . . . North Carolina needs to go on a diet. Or get broken up into North-North Carolina and South-North Carolina so that it will seem like the trip is broken up a bit more.
9:30 got some gas.

In Georgia at 10:00 pm. Normally this means that the trip will be over in about another 1 1/2 hours – so my brain starts winding down . . .
But then at 10:45 – right around Commerce, Georgia – which is about 45 minutes from Headquarters (or so) – there was a wreck . . . and there was a parking lot on the highway – that I got to sit in for 1 1/2 hours. This is the part of the trip that Socks and I agree was the worst . . . one of those so close – but so so far away types of things.
We lost the exact time – but I from comparing notes – we came up with 1:17 as the time of arrival back at the house . . . and then we watched a baby’s room get built – so what do you think of that?!

As promised – Here is the nifty picture . . . it is the snake!!!!!

[update #25]

Have I told you about where I work lately?! I’m not sure that I have . . . so – here is a nice and quick description – before I even get in to the particular particulars of what I really want to tell you – right at this second.

I work in a petting zoo for penguins – where we are forced to wear tuxedos in order to maintain the “classiness” of the joint. It is a ridiculous place where everyone takes themselves waaaaaaay too seriously. I mean – the other day – and I am absolutely not going to give out names (but you know exactly who you are) – this one guy – who happens to have one of the upper-echelon-top-shelf type of managerial jobs started taking his part in the whole pageant a bit too far . . . Oh – I got ahead of myself there – the managers wear polar bear costumes – and chase all of the rest of us around during the big closing show that goes on before each group is escorted back to their busses . . . back to their dismal suburbia – where there are no penguins to pet – and no polar bear managers chasing people around (the brute actually knocked me down and kept his paw on my head – in a puddle – the other day – ugh).

So that is where I work (currently).

Recently we moved the whole show into a new and exciting building – actually pretty close to the old building – and actually actually into a building that isn’t even quite finished . . . but that is neither here – nor – there. The point is that there are all of these odd automated systems that do things for you. The elevator has no buttons on the inside – only on the outside (so don’t even think of changing where you want to go mid-trip), the blinds on the windows open and close all by themselves, toilets flush by themselves and sinks come on by themselves (if they feel like acknowledging that you are there) and for the topper – there isn’t any drinking water. Basically how the whole thing has turned out is that I have penguins that are stuck on elevators – who aren’t washing their flippers after “skipping to the loo” – that are totally worshiping whatever magic penguin deity that they have decided is responsible for the blinds going up and down by themselves – and who I constantly have to make sure have bottles of water to quench their thirst little penguin thirst.It is a big jumble of yarn (not unlike most aspects of my current life) . . . and don’t even get me started on the polar bears . . .

[update #24]

Couple of quick quick quickies . . . that are coming in at the end of the day . . . and that are both center around the loo.

Thing (of the first):

I walked into a bathroom the other day – at a place – and there was a guy standing there. As soon as I walked in – he yelled “Yo! Come on chicken. We got(s) to go . . .” at one of the stalls.I froze in my tracks – obviously not prepared for the situation that I had stumbled into.

Then a squeaky/crackled voice (that of “chicken” I am to presume) came from the stall . . . “Yo . . . man . . . I’ll be there in a minute.”

I pulled an abrupt about face and scampered into the hall – with all my unfinished business.

Thing (of the second):

I had never had this happen to me . . . but there I was in the restroom – in another place – at the urinal that is usually considered the one for the younger gentlemen of the world. For a bit of clarification – this story is in no way creepy – at all – in the men’s lavoratory – there tends to be one urinal that is lower to the ground . . . it is usually the first one in . . . and in this case it was the only one open – and I was there. Anyway – what ended up happening – was that this kid had to wait to get to that urinal – and I thought it was hilarious that there were all of these open urinals that he just had to stare at – because he was too short – or something . . . Okay – evidently – not hilarious “ha-ha” in any sense of the meaning of either word – but most definitely a situation that leans more towards the whole hilarious “weird” end of the spectrum.On another look – I have decided to omit “hilarious” from the above sentence – and just leave the whole thing as a bit of nothing . . . until you read a tad further . . .

To dissect why I thought that hilarious could be there at all . . . goes like this – the kid had a look of pure frustration on his face when I walked by that clearly said “Seriously . . . You had to use that one?! Which was clearly designed for me . . . couldn’t wait for one of the others?? You old and tall people are the total lamertons . . . and I’m sick of this whole too tall world that I live in . . . next time – I bring the moon shoes – chicken.”

Kids (the look on their faces – at least) say the darnedest of things – they are crazy – and and and – so are chickens.

I’ve said too much.