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It has been way too long. Let me explain why – oh – why. ❤️ The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!!

I split my toe – I stubbed my toe – I mangled and bashed and beat up my toe. Socks just stood by and watched . . . I had to hobble around a bit – and the worst part was the cleaning of the wound.

Booooooo cleaning – in all of it’s sundry forms.


My toe has turned into an evil little lump at the end of my foot that points directly to a large portion of the pain in the world.

The other day – I noticed that my toe really hurt – the big toe on my right foot. I promptly got distracted by something shiny – and forgot.

The next day it was hurting again – it is possible that it never really stopped – and all of the memories of pain from the day before came rushing up to the front part of my brain.

I decided that I had endured enough misery – so I grabbed a tiny flat-head screw driver and pressed really hard. That was when goo started oozing out of my toe. Let me repeat that . . . goo started to ooze out of my toe.

How gross have I become that random ick can find its way out of a part of my body that has absolutely no business excreting any sort of anything?! Pretty darn gross.

After days of sore toe and calculated attacks with a screw driver, I gave up and started kicking an old framed canvas that I have laying around. I kicked it super-hard several times. Oddly – not only did the toe still hurt – but a slightly different pain had spread to a couple of other toes – possibly brought on by the blunt trauma of repeatedly kicking something – this – however can not be verified.

When the violent beating of the evil toe didn’t work – I sparked several random toe conversations up at work. “Hey Billy – how are those piggies holding up?!” – “Whoa Sally! Talk to me about your toes.” “Blah – blah – blah – foot fingers – blah – blah.” And I found out two things. The first is that people can get freaked out over a simple toe conversation and the second is that I have evidently been afflicted with a rare and unpleasant condition known as an ingrown toe-nail.

So – my body has turned against itself – and evidently my big toe – which used to be my absolute favorite toe out of all of my toes – is leading the charge.

What’s grosser than gross? Evidently . . . me.

Please excuse me while I screw drive and lemon juice my toe.