Tag: time management

Bumperpodcast #464 – Season 3 – Halloween

The Bumperpodcast episode revolves around the hosts’ reflections on missing Halloween due to busy schedules and the subsequent confusion about the current date. Natty Bumpercar expresses his love for Halloween, while Aloysius J Pig and Rufus T. Rufus discuss the logistics of returning Halloween decorations and candy. They reminisce about a group costume theme and the challenges of dealing with return policies. The discussion also touches on the transient nature of seasonal stores and the idea for a podcast exploring the history and disappearance of such stores.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 464, Natty Bumpercar discovers he's completely missed Halloween after getting too caught up in organizing a comedy festival. Rufus T. Rufus reveals that while Natty was busy, the gang went to a Halloween party as a "country breakfast" costume group—with Rufus as a biscuit, Aloysious as orange juice, and someone as eggs and bacon. They even won the costume contest! Now Natty is left with a room full of Halloween decorations, bobbing-for-apples equipment, and no way to return them since the pop-up Halloween store has mysteriously vanished. The episode features hilarious discussions about the ephemeral nature of seasonal Halloween stores, the stress of return desk interactions, and GPS robots with attitudes. Producer suggests they move on to planning the next holiday: Thanksgiving.

Memorable Quotes

“I was gonna be gravy that's a weird and terrible but amazing thing to be for halloween. I've never been gravy. I've never been a condiment.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“We did a group costume. I was eggs and bacon and Aloysious was orange juice… you were supposed to be gravy but you never showed up to the party.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I went back to the Halloween store and it was gone. Like tumbleweeds in the store. Gone. They just appear out of night.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #halloween #holidays #costumes #timemanagement #shopping #seasonalstores #comedyfestival #thanksgiving

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well happy halloween it is halloween finally man my favorite holiday of the year bar none i i love everything about it i love the candy i love going out and finding pumpkins and and carving up the pumpkins and turning them into jack-o'-lanterns and and what what how what really how did oh come on hold on sorry hold on natty it's uh actually almost middle of november at this point i i know i yeah i know i know i understand i like halloween a lot too but it was weeks ago it was like a long time ago i don't know if you fell asleep i don't know what happened i know you've been really busy because you're always telling everybody just how busy you are but uh yeah i hope i got the receipts for all these costumes and i'm looking around the room here we got uh uh decorations we got is that a bobbin for apples we got we got to return all this stuff we can't sell if we ain't having a uh what is a halloween episode right now then what am i what why did i go to the store and and purchase all this yeah how is it how is it middle of november we should probably could have somewhere in here have any kind of indication as to what day it is i yeah no i see the calendar on the wall over there that's from 1987 so that that's not helping me right now okay that doesn't do anything good at all man two weeks ago i completely missed everything i missed halloween

Rufus T. Rufus: yes yes it was a long time ago i um we actually we did a group costume right and um i was um it was i was eggs and bacon and aloesius was um orange juice it was and then uh the rufus what were you a scone or an oh no yes you were a biscuit that's right that's right and so we were like a we called ourselves a country breakfast you were supposed to be gravy but you you never showed up to the party and so we we missed it and it's yeah but we we it was a lot of fun yeah i think that's right well we can't do a halloween episode now okay we gotta move on to the future there's a lot of other holidays that are coming up that we need to acknowledge and represent and you know do everything for so uh yeah we let's just we have a lot of episodes left so let's just put the halloween on the shelf and sorry i hurt my back there for a second uh and then we can uh move on to maybe the types of giving or something we can invite turkey to come

Natty Bumpercar: and he loves to talk on the podcasts and you hit some story and everything right seven an entire holiday i don't even care that i missed two weeks of life but i did i missed i missed i missed halloween what have i been so busy doing what why have i completely managed to miss and ignore and miss not really ignore but i missed halloween how did that even happen somebody got it in the head that somebody had to have a comedy festival they were like oh look at me out of nowhere i'm just gonna invent it inventicate invent invent them uh invent just invent i think a comedy festival and and and you did that and now it's it's you know coming up really soon and it might have already happened i don't even know because i have completely removed myself from that situation and uh yeah maybe you started to miss a lot of things in life because you're doing such a giant ridiculous thing it's like you know uh hey wait you guys went and played uh putt-putt mini golf without me what where was i you were building a rocket ship you know it's like you got bigger things on your plate right now and we didn't want to bother you so you missed country breakfast halloween kind of amazing won the costume contest that's right everybody high five in the air high five there you go never won it i've never even been like in the rankings of a costume contest and i i was i was gonna be gravy that's a weird and terrible but amazing thing to be for halloween i've never been gravy i've never been a condiment i've just been you know it's whatever i can find but rufus i got i got so wait we have all this stuff around all these like decorations and all this can't like can you i guess if it's if we've missed it and if we're not going to do halloween for this episode if we're going to just move on to something completely different what um can we return the stuff it's like do you have all the stuff is that something that can you yeah i do i do have receipts um however we got

Rufus T. Rufus: everything you know when there's a uh a building it was maybe a business and maybe it was just like um you know uh just like a lean through with some sticks and then people aren't there anymore and then the second you blink and it's um september and then all of a sudden it's a halloween store you know it's like there was a hospital over there oh my goodness the hospital close the halloween store like that you know hey remember when we used to go to the park and there was that fun little ice cream place down the corner that's a halloween store we went to one of those right but the thing is once you go to the halloween store you buy the things if you ever try to go

Natty Bumpercar: i was wondering about that because i put it up in my maps on my telephone here and i said uh halloween store and it was trying to send me to sacramento that's far away and i said uh halloween store uh close to me and it didn't understand what that so i said uh halloween store near my location and then the phone had had the gall the guff to say to me uh would you like me to use your current location i said well of course i do i said i what i said was i was looking near my local of course i want you to use my current location i'm not gonna just inventify some place that i'm gonna be in the next hour and 37 minutes like i want to know right now if i wanted to know then then i would i would be asking you then little little map little little map robot i don't even know what his name is but he needs he's got a little bit of an attitude he's got a little bit of an attitude he's got a little bit of an attitude i don't know if you have been driving around with this this little robot and he's always like turn left and i'm like i'm in the right lane i can't turn left right now little robot and he's like you missed just you missed your chance mister your your your new nickname is mr chance because you missed your chance and now you're gonna recalculate why are we still using 2020 whatever this is using the term recalculate you ain't recalculating nothing you just going back into the map and and fixing my flub why don't you call it uh flub refixing or something like that all right because now i'm getting heated i'm getting angry anyway i tried to go back to that halloween store the one where i bought all this stuff because i i forgot i forgot to get the little wax uh vampire teeth that we were gonna have we're gonna have a little game and then i went back it was gone like tumbleweeds in the store gone i think that maybe not this podcast clearly because we can't we can't do this but some podcast needs to do some research do a deep dive maybe one season is where do all these stores go and then where do they come from you know they just appear out of night it's like oh empty shopping center it's a halloween store yeah and then uh whenever i don't know the strike of midnight on november you know i don't know the day because i don't know if they're open like a day after i don't know but where do all these things go where do the employees go are they sucked back down into like some hole in the ground or do they go to like a warehouse in caucasus something like that that is new jersey uh that sounds like a terrible podcast it sounds like it would be maybe one maybe one episode it would couldn't just consist i guess you could pad it out a little bit you know do the when i was growing up we always read a lot of stories and heard a lot of stories and heard a lot of tales about stuff you know and then like you know when i was you could do the everybody meet everybody in town and how they could talk about when i was here this was a lot of stories and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry skippers store we used to go to skippers all the time whatever it is and then uh you know and then like and then and you know like the first episode is just like the build-up to what the town used to be and you know what now i'm seeing it you can make an entire season out of this that's fine you know and then the halloween store came but no one knew you know it's okay i'm gonna give it that but anyway so uh rufus did you went back to get the wax teeth but they weren't there i think it's my understanding that we do have receipts for a lot of this stuff i don't does anybody who's if we're not going to do a halloween episode who's going to be in charge of of returning all i think as long as you understand it's not going to be me because i'm not comfortable uh going to the return desk because i just feel like i'm being judged you know they've got like several different lines but the lines aren't aren't labeled as anything and so you you get in the wrong line and sometimes maybe there's other people in the lines and you go hey you try to clean up buddy up buddy system hey what are you in here for you know what what are you in for and they're like i have an online order to pick up and you're like oh oh oh i'm trying to return something do you know do you know if it matters if i'm standing and they're like i don't i can't say anything i don't want to get in trouble all right i don't want to lose my spot in line because i'm trying to explain to you something that i don't even know the answer to okay so there's that kind of stress then you get to the front of the line and it doesn't even matter if there's nobody else there they'll say what do you want and you say i have a return and they say you're in the wrong line and you look around there's no other lines there's there's places for lines and they just stare at you until you move out this line you go to that line you walk through the thing and then bing bang boom you're up at the front but look at that somehow there's a it's just 16 people in the line where you just were and now you're back in the back of the line and you're in the front of the back of the back and if you ever even make it to the front you know if you're ever lucky enough to make it to the front then they uh why you know they real they really why are you here huh you know and you're like i gotta return all this stuff okay got a receipt i actually don't have a receipt well do you have an account with us i don't know let's try this phone number that didn't work perfect um what do i have the credit card that i used i don't know what credit card i used i don't know let's try this one that didn't work perfect yeah i've got other credit card you know it's just this ordeal to the point where i just keep the stuff okay then i put it all in the yard sale next year and then it's someone else's problem or gift or whatever you will have i do like to keep receipts because those are legally binding uh documents and uh legally binding uh documents that we got legally binding right and so i keep a record of them i keep boxes of them and then i store the box i put the dates on the box and so i got all these receipts i got all these records but you know i i twisted my toe the other day so i can't i'm not as mobile as i once was so i will uh i will have to i can find the the the the paper trail but i'm gonna have to defer to someone else and i assume aloysius if you ain't going to go in then uh i guess it's all right maybe it's up to you natty maybe oh maybe you producer seems like something you might enjoy going to talking to

Rufus T. Rufus: people and whatnot i'm actually very busy you know uh we're getting ready for the next holiday show's a big holiday coming up uh thanksgiving and everything so yeah i'm gonna give this one over to pass the buck to you natty you can take care of it you're the one who slept through

Natty Bumpercar: halloween anyway right wait no i will not accept the nickname is gravy that is a terrible nickname and that is not fair and i won't take it but i will take the stuff back because we do yeah we do gravy

Producer: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for the money listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

November 11, 2025
Bumperpodcast #451 – Season 3 – Turtles

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar talks about turning over a new leaf and not double and triple booking himself. Also, there are turtles! Don’t miss out — listen, subscribe, and share the laughter today!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this solo episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds himself alone in the studio after accidentally breaking all the recording equipment while fiddling with settings that were working perfectly fine. With Producer and the rest of the gang mysteriously gone, Natty reflects on his tendency to quadruple-book himself and the resulting chaos in his life. He shares hilarious stories about therapy sessions without couches, attempting to organize his time by making endless lists, and his recent adventure caring for two hatchling red-eared slider turtles named by his kids. Through self-deprecating humor and rambling observations, Natty explores themes of self-care, overwhelm, and the simple joy of watching turtles eat their floating food pellets.

Memorable Quotes

“I can do two or three things at the same time and be in different places at the exact same time, I've mastered that, but once you get up into like four it's I really I can't do it.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Self-care? Doc didn't you hear I'm double triple quad booked how could I there's no time for self-care who's got time for self-care?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“That one's a buster. He kind of just like sees you coming and he'll jump into the water and swim around and I used to think he was terrified but I think he expects food.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #self-care #therapy #timemanagement #turtles #pets #parenting #technologytroubles #overwhelm

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: i can't even express how annoyed i am right now i sat down to record the bumper podcast which you're listening to because you're amazing and i super appreciate it and i started fiddling why we started fiddling with the software started fiddling with the knobs which were working before so why fiddle there's no reason to fiddle and then everything broke and i didn't know how to get back there there were there were uh restarts of the computer restarts of the software um there was there were some searches there were some internet searches and uh finally i mean it's not the same as it was before but at least i can see that it's recording something which you know to me is as much of a win as i expected at this point i uh it here's the thing when i was recording i was like oh you know it sounds like there's a little bit of an echo huh oh i wonder how to fix that huh and then i started i was like maybe this will get rid of it oh oh wait what oh what just happened oh no and and so that's what uh that's what i've been doing for the last hour so it's pretty exciting uh i know you're all uh sitting on the edge of your seat saying well where's where's producer is it doesn't he normally handle this stuff doesn't he normally take care of the the the software and the bells and the whistles and whatnot yes but everyone is out right now uh i they i don't know where they don't tell me where they go um they just kind of pig took the car keys and uh they didn't even really say goodbye i the way they say goodbye is kind of sweet though they um you can just hear the door shut behind them and then you're like oh okay bye see you later okay bye i'm just gonna stay here and fiddle um yeah so i i probably should have let producer handle the uh the the the fiddling and the tweaking and the turning of the knobs and the pushing of the buttons because uh what i got myself into was a real calamity at a point i said this is a real calamity to myself out loud because um it was and that was the only way i knew how to express the frustration that i was going through i um speaking of being frustrated have tried to get better at not uh doing as many things as i was doing before so not uh not double booking double booking everyone can handle that not uh triple and quadruple booking uh that's where i seem to get into trouble i i can do uh two or three things at the same time and be in different places at the exact same time time i've i've mastered that uh but once you get up into like four it's i it really i can't do it and uh you know people get frustrated you know oh why do you why do you double triple book why are you quad booking and i'm like i don't know my brain thinks i can do everything all the time for everybody and um uh i was i was told that that's not the case not that's not how it works you know if you're if you're gonna commit to doing something then you should go do that thing and and be there like have your mind present and i was like wait so just having my my body here or just you know while i'm on the call that's in my ear and while i'm also uh walking the dog that's that's uh it's not okay and they're like no you're distracted you're you're in several different places at the same time and i'm like exactly and they're like exactly you see the tone difference there i thought i was i had it that i had figured it out and they were more uh uh frustrated so that you know that happens and that's that's fine you know i uh i don't know if any of you have ever been to a therapist it's super fun uh because they have to listen to you for however long it is and um it's a weird thing all the television shows cartoons they uh they make it seem like oh there's a couch there's there's no couch in mine at least i don't know i assume some must have a couch depending on how much space they have mine has a chair there's like two different kinds of chairs and you know sometimes you know when i'm going in and i'm chatting uh they're like well how are you feeling and i'm like i'd feel a lot better if there was a couch in here you know just because it would give me the sense uh that this was this was real that what we were doing you know i was like doc if you can't even commit to you know the proper piece of furniture then what what are we even doing here right what what do we what am i are we wasting our time i hope not but the funny thing is at the end you know after you've discussed things and talked about billing or whatever you do uh yeah they say uh so what do you uh before we you know see each other again what do you plan to do for yourself what do you you know plan to do for self-care self-care and the first time i heard that i uh actually i actually fell on the floor i you know i i couldn't catch my breath i was laughing so hard catch self-care doc didn't you hear i'm double triple quad booked how could i there's no time for self-care who's got time for self-care i gotta keep that boat afloat over there i've got to keep uh that that fire over there at bay uh and i have to keep you know i've got to keep that boat afloat over there i've got to keep that that fire over there you know the roof from leaking and i have to keep uh all the the chickens fed and uh you know on and on and on so so self-care for me is um just waking up the next day to start it all again which um evidently not sustainable not something you can just keep doing forever um you uh you get tired you get cranky you uh you might get some uh really i think wonderful bags under your eyes little dark circles right uh and might get sick more often so that's you know that's something that's going to probably happen and then you might run into the situation that i did where people get frustrated with you because you've double you've triple and you've quadruple booked yourself so i'm working on not doing more but the way my brain approached not doing more was by taking on a few different tasks uh like one being you know organizing myself in my time it's like if i organize myself in my time then i can prioritize and if i can prioritize and i won't be double and triple booked and uh i um now i spend a lot of time making notes making lists and uh prioritizing on top of everything else that i was so people were like hey you didn't make it to the meeting where were you and i'm like oh yeah yeah and that's okay i was i was organizing my time all right i was prioritizing and they're like well you you don't seem like you you know you're committed to this and i'm like but that's exactly what i'm doing i'm you know i had i had like i had to make a note with a to-do list that was broken out with different times and different days different goals right otherwise i'm not going to just flying by the seat of my pants and they're like well you maybe you should have done that when you're not supposed to be meeting with us i'm like whoa whoa whoa baby steps all right baby steps you everybody just take a deep breath and uh understand what's what's happening here and they took a deep breath and they said i well what is happening here and i said i really don't know i just i was hoping that was going to end the conversation hoping by kind of leaving that out there that that was going to be the end of it and um you know i wasn't i wasn't expecting you to keep going so honestly this is kind of on you right read the room um i was throwing up facades and i was throwing up uh you know fake fronts and i was throwing up uh all kinds of subterfuge and smoke and mirrors and and you just kind of kept on walking down the street and uh and tagged me so now i'm it and i i didn't even want to be playing tag i um yesterday i was in a reptile store i know that's hold on i hope you didn't get whiplash from that but i was in i was in a reptile store with my kids because um someone gave us uh two what are they called hatchling red-eared slider turtles and they're i don't know how big they are like i'm trying to show you but i know this is audio but they're about that big no um hmm trying to give a a good uh a racquetball they're about the the size of a racquetball around not tall because that would be weird to have a circular turtle but they're you know round and flat like turtles are supposed to be and uh the kids have named them we have spent all the money buying a new habitat and setting all of that up with filters and heaters and uh you know all the things little lights for the turtles um little uh dock that they can rest on really they're living their best little turtle lives but one of them is has been a little bit um lethargic which is a funny way to describe a turtle but it's it's true he's he's kind of just like he's there he's hanging out but he's not moving around as much and you're probably like yeah that sounds like what a turtle's supposed to do that's what i used to think too but the other turtle who i keep saying that one's a buster like that i think i've said that almost every day since we've had the turtles oh that one that one there that's a buster and what i mean by that is he kind of just like he's he seems like he's gotten a little bit bigger and he will see you coming and he'll jump into the water and swim around and uh and i used to think he was terrified but i don't feel like he's got a little bit bigger he is i feel like he's uh kind of playing with with i don't know i mean he's he's looking out of the tank sees you coming jumps and then i think what it is is he expects when i come for there to be food and so maybe he's like all right i gotta get into my eating position i gotta get into my my eating you know spot and and it's so fun because the uh the food they're these little tiny pebbles and they float and not not pebbles not rocks but uh because that's that's not something anyone could eat um but little pellets of uh pellets of turtle food that float and so he'll like he's swimming underneath it he can see his little head he's looking around and then he zooms up and he does this like his little head pops out further and his mouth just grabs on to it and it's kind of amazing to watch it's much more fun than you than what i'm describing it's uh a shockingly good time like i've found myself on multiple occasions just sitting and watching the turtles like oh look what they're look at that look what he's doing look at that one he's oh you know you know he's over there but then one of the turtles was being lethargic and and and i was just like oh no i i don't want my turtles to get hurt the children have become attached so we went to a um a reptile shop and uh we're looking around and this tiny kid comes up to my kids and he's like oh no i don't want my turtles to get hurt and he's like oh no i don't want my turtles to get hurt and she's probably like three i'll say and she goes hey hey you want to play tag and my kid's like uh no and i was like good good on you all right that's a good decision child oh mine

Unknown: you it's just sometimes like it's funny how you can do something a little wrong to your kids if you've been with them a very long time they will kind of blame you and say oh well you're about to be merciva and they're like you know uh yourself i'm gonna blame you it's fine i'm gonna blame every single one of you but then you'd kind of get a bit of nerve by being produced by them and i know that translate a little bit 날스 процент

March 6, 2025
Bumperpodcast #450 – Season 3 – Okay

In this episode of the Natty Bumpercar Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar addresses the long delay between episodes, sharing insights with Producer, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, and Aloysious. Don’t miss out — listen, subscribe, and share the laughter today!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

After a long hiatus following episode 449 titled 'The End,' Natty Bumpercar returns to explain why the Bumperpodcast went dark for months. Joined by Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Producer, Natty candidly discusses getting overwhelmed by ambitions to add theme music and new features, ultimately flying too close to the sun like Icarus. The gang debates the who-what-when-where-why-how of proper questioning, discovers their listener numbers have plummeted to zero, and hilariously contemplates pivoting to a 'how-to-fail' podcast. This self-aware episode captures the struggles of podcast burnout while maintaining the show's signature improvisational comedy style.

Memorable Quotes

“I flew too close to the sun… it was a metaphorical fall, an allegorical fall.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“We used to be like, oh, wow, look at all these people. And now it's like, oh, okay, some guy named Bob listened to it last Thursday… Nope. No, that's another zero.”
— Producer

“Is there a podcast that's specifically how to fail at everything? Because I think, number one, we'd go right there.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #podcasting #burnout #comeback #failure #overwhelm #comedy #meta-humor #timemanagement

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: okay okay okay so i apologize i am sorry and i apologize and the reason that i am apologizing is i put out an episode it was number what is it 449 and i titled it the end and then i proceeded to not make any more episodes for a long long time wait so are we back to doing this

Aloysious J. Pig: because i i was enjoying the break i was enjoying not having to talk to you every week i was enjoying you know just living my life just being me yeah it's just j pig over here okay yeah

Natty Bumpercar: well i get that and i totally agree i kind of enjoyed the time off as well but what tends to happen is if i'm not doing the bumper project if i'm not making drawings if i'm

Unknown: no and not to be impolite but no i i need to focus today because it's been a long time

Natty Bumpercar: and i have to explain what's going on and and why you know yeah well uh excuse me

Rufus T. Rufus: you i just want to jump in here because i got some some question as to the when the where the what and the why you understand yes so you don't have any questions about about the who i don't i don't think i understand what you're getting out there aloysius i said uh let me think here i said the what the where the when and the why um i think i said everything there no i'm pretty sure you did

Natty Bumpercar: you skip you skipped who who what when where how why i don't even know if you did how

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so what he said traditionally you start with a who who who where all right when yep what how and why who when where what yeah who where when what how and when why that's all the bases

Rufus T. Rufus: yeah well i'm just i feel like i did say all of those things we're not recording this are we because I don't want anyone to go back and listen to tell me if I said something incorrect or incomplete or incoherent because I don't I got kind of used to not being recorded every time I talk and yeah Aloysius I got to say something to you as well it seems like you're used to not talking too you weren't on mic I couldn't hear you there for a second gotta talk into the mic there son come on

Natty Bumpercar: I hate to be on his side but Rufus is right you kind of looked over to the side there for a second and we kind of I don't know producer are you able to hear him when he looked over to the side yes I did

Producer: deep down a little bit but I think I was able to fix everything and if not I can fix it in post and I can go in and I can sweeten it and I can add a little bit of this and a little bit of that and it's going to be perfect and you'll just see you'll see but with all of that being said it is easier if you just talk right into the microphone and then my job is a little bit easier

Natty Bumpercar: if I'm to be honest well I guess that's what it's all about making everybody's jobs easier I um forgot why I said that why i was apologizing oh yeah made an episode months ago the end then no episodes after why why why no i think you're the who the what the why you can't just say why why why you gotta

Rufus T. Rufus: have some how maybe some win yeah definitely uh where okay no so i was just kind of emphasizing

Natty Bumpercar: you know the why because i feel like we we owe an explanation people deserve an explanation we were pumping out episodes once a week new cover art we were doing all kinds of stuff and we were getting to this magical 450th episode and we were talking about getting uh theme music and pig interviews is going to start up and all kinds of cool fun stuff and then i mean it broke me is what happened i got overwhelmed i flew too close to the sun

Aloysious J. Pig: oh you pulled an icarus is that what you're saying you have your icarus you know the wax the wax and your wings uh melted from the sun and then you you fell really far yep i don't know how

Natty Bumpercar: far it was probably really far it was it was it was really far but it was a metaphorical fall an allegorical fall we always have this problem how many episodes have there been when i can't remember the difference between yeah homily and the simile and a metaphor and an allegory and a pastry and a baguette

Rufus T. Rufus: yeah i'm hoping that you didn't break us out of the you know the the storage shed over there just to uh go into this tired old uh adage again uh by the way i i did hear that you fell now when you fail do you feel like it was anyone else's fault did you feel like maybe there was a step that was a little bit off maybe uh the curb had been uprooted or something like that maybe somebody no deliberately uh maybe your shoe exploded and then you kind of fell from anything i mean anything i'm just trying to figure out if we have a case here yeah

Natty Bumpercar: no there's there's there's no case um but here's the thing here's the thing the thing of the thing is i like to try to have a philosophy where if there's a big project like i always use a wedding cake if i have to make a wedding cake and i tell my brain make a wedding cake then my brain is going to shut down it's going to it's just going to freeze up and uh you know if i keep pressing it then the whole engine up there might just break and it's because i'm approaching this monumental thing and it's it's overwhelming and it's too much and so what i like to try to do is to break it down into digestible bits like um okay i need to find a recipe okay i need to find the ingredients okay i need to find the equipment okay what's the temperature like things that are easily achievable and then just kind of go from there now that's how i normally do things and things happen and things work out but a lot of times when there's abstract things like i'm gonna make a new theme song my brain is just like i'm gonna make a like there's no there's no recipe there's no you know ingredients and so i just kind of stare at the computer and um and i'm like okay go do something yeah you do it and and then i get overwhelmed and then i stop and i it's really frustrating and um it does a fun thing where when i get overwhelmed and then i stop working on one thing then it starts to cascade it starts to flow over to other things and after a little while it's it seems so insurmountable that i can't even conceive of how to start over again of how to like okay i'm gonna go do the uh podcast great here we go uh i'm gonna set aside a little bit of time to do you know this project here we go and it's all about time management and trying to figure out a structure and i i just i don't do well with that i just start to uh i start to clam up i start to pull into my uh turtle shell i start you know i hide under a rock and uh then i put on noise canceling headphones and uh that's it i'm gone so that's it

Aloysious J. Pig: that's what happened that is what happened so there was there was no fall uh who the whole icarus thing that's that's nothing is what i'm reading into this and you're telling me we had a podcast that was like ranking it was actually people people were listening we were getting numbers remember we almost got i think it was a hundred thousand listens or something crazy and then you saw that and you were like i've got to meet the moment i've got to do all this stuff i gotta get a theme song you're always wanting to get a theme song and and then you that's why we stopped and and how many listens have we been getting lately i'm just curious to see if two months of non-activity is going to

Natty Bumpercar: affect the bottom line of listens so yeah producer i think you probably have all those numbers in front of you can you i guess read them out or whatever yes so

Producer: um here's the thing we were doing very well and we were growing up the mountain up the mountain here we go here we go and uh so now um we don't it's like is this what's like the lowest number

Rufus T. Rufus: that you can even think of now hold on is this like a riddle or something are we gonna i need i need a scantron i need a number two pencil and i i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't and I'm going to need probably a lot of erases. I like to erase a lot as I write out my notes.

Producer: Nope, nope. It's not a math equation. It's just a zero was the answer. It's a pretty simple, you know, it's like we used to be like, oh, wow, look at all these people. They're listening. Oh, on Monday, they liked it. On Tuesday, oh, my goodness. And now it's like, oh, okay, some guy named Bob listened to it last Thursday, and Tuesday, Wednesday, not so much. Okay. Oh, Friday. Friday looks like one person. Nope. No, no, that's another zero. Another zero.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. So, zero. That's a lot of zeros. That's okay. And it's okay. It's okay. You know, it's going to, we just, I got to rein it all in, get back into the flow. I love doing this. I'm hoping that you like listening to it, maybe. And if not, then I'm hoping that you're listening to it and getting something out of it, like how not to do a podcast, you know, how to almost get moderately successful and then stop doing your podcast. Like, these are things that I feel like I could speak on.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, hold on. Hold on a second. We were supposed to be like, I think we were in the comedy section, but are we going to be a how-to section now? Like how to fail at everything?

Aloysious J. Pig: That's actually not a terrible idea. We should look into that. Is there a podcast that's specifically how to fail at everything? Because I think, number one, we'd go right there.

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar, We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Hugs and hearts. See you soon. Bye.

February 12, 2025
Bumperpodcast #196: More Halloween styles

Natty Bumpercar talks Halloween – Halloween – Halloween! Costumes, being a tracker, webs, candy, pumpkins, jack-o-lanterns … And, resumes!

Do you Halloween? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

About This Episode

In this Halloween-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a costume crisis just two days before Halloween. The costumes he ordered online for his family—including a blue monster with googly eyes and a bunny rabbit inspired by Richard Scarry's Nicholas—are stuck in transit. Natty humorously discusses his failed attempts at tracking the shipment and jokes about his qualifications as a post-apocalyptic tracker. He also shares the chaos of decorating Bumperpodcast headquarters with spiderwebs, his struggle to find time for pumpkin carving in a busy parent schedule, and his desperate need to roast pumpkin seeds before the season ends.

Memorable Quotes

“If the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man. I will well I mean I'm not doing such a good job at it.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I've tied knives to the dog and I've pointed him towards the pumpkins so I suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Pumpkin seeds are delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat salt.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #halloween #costumes #parenting #pumpkincarving #holidays #onlineshopping #timemanagement

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes what's going on everybody it's me natty bumper car and it's the bumper podcast and it's one of the best days of the year why because we're so close to halloween yeah oh boy oh boy oh boy that was real excitement but the thing is i don't have a costume uh the baby bumper car's costume is still in transit so we're two days away now and no one has a costume we're supposed to wander all around town in what nothing we don't have anything this is a real situation that we have i i i live in the future you all know that and so i went online and i i ordered the uh the the costumes we picked stuff out everyone was signed off on it yes i want to be a blue monster with googly eyes and i forget what the rest of the costume is and a beard is what one of them is going to be and the other one's going to be a bunny rabbit because okay richard scary uh what's his name nicholas the bunny those are fine costumes when they get to your house but now they're not here they're in transit i don't know where transit is and i i get numbers tracking numbers and i'm trying like a tracker i'm like a hunter gatherer who has gone out into the wild and is tracking the costumes so if if the world ever ends if the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man i i will well i mean i'm not doing such a good job at it i want to i don't know if that should be part of my uh resume or part of the interview process i think just the fact that i have the title of tracker is probably good enough i i think that you know that maybe i don't do such a good job maybe you know if you ask me i'm gonna say yeah of course i know how to track and i would rather you not talk to uh any of the people that i'm gonna give you their names for any uh of of my uh or whatever those people are called when you have uh your what are those people called i've been those people before you know hey can you vouch for me vouchers it's not a voucher it's a uh resume people man all right well you know what we're gonna forget that because i have no idea what i'm trying to say anyway tracker bumper car that's me if you need something found i'm your man what are you guys gonna do for halloween what are you gonna be anything are you gonna you're gonna wear costumes are you gonna you're gonna go out and get some candy is your house all decorated we uh we decorated headquarters like pretty well like i got a lot of those webs and i put them on bushes and i put them on the house and i made like you actually have to walk under the webs to get into the house which uh people are not happy with anyone who comes to the house is just like dude why are all the webs everywhere i'm like well it's halloween time this is halloween everybody make a scream halloween halloween halloween time we got three pumpkins that we have not carved yet because who has time to carve pumpkins no one you get up you drop people off at school you go to work you go pick people up from school you can get home you've got homework you've got dinner you've got bath time you've got to read some books sing some songs and then everybody's asleep there's no pumpkin time and then did you hear even a gap a minute a minute um no you did not hear a minute because there's none ah so what i've done is i've i've tied knives i've tied knives to the dog and i've pointed him towards the pumpkins so i suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done hopefully it's got a scary spooky face and a jack-o'-lantern smile or frown or whatever they have no i don't know i don't know maybe we're just gonna have pumpkins this year maybe we'll paint them i could paint a lot faster than i can cut but if i do that you know what i'm not gonna get pumpkin seeds and i need pumpkin seeds this for the rest the entire year i don't have pumpkin seeds and this is the season of year where i get my my pumpkin seed quota gets filled right now we're in the red i would like to get to the black with pumpkin seeds because they're delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat so let's do this halloween now

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October 29, 2014
Bumperpodcast #174: Extended Awesome

Hold onto your awsome little shoes – because – by popular demand, we have finally caved in and extended the Bumperpodcast – to almost double! That’s right – 5 minutes of splended aural pleasure for your ears … The possibilities are endless!

Do you think you can stand the awesomel? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Extended awesome for you!

About This Episode

In this extended episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar kicks things off by explaining why the show is a day late, spinning an elaborate fib about cats and clocks that quickly falls apart. He reflects on the perils of lying and the disgusting reality of wet cat food. Natty announces an exciting expansion of the show, aiming to double the usual runtime from three to five minutes. However, his grand plans for a "bigger, better" Bumperpodcast are hilariously derailed when he's overcome by an uncontrollable urge to sneeze mid-recording, leading to an unplanned pause and apologies for his unprofessional moment.

Memorable Quotes

“I'm not gonna lie to you see that's what happens you start fibbing you start telling lies and then everything falls apart i got too convoluted with my fib there.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“This is the worst day of my life i have to pause for a second and just like that through the wonders of radio technology and informational awesomeness i'm back.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I came to be professional i came to be more awesome i came to be the bigger better bumper podcast.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #lying #timemanagement #cats #showexpansion #sneezing #professionalism #comedy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: good day to you bumper podcast how are you doing today we're a day late what i don't know my clock is broken i forgot to put batteries into my my clock the normally the cat is supposed to tell me we don't have a cat all right i'm not gonna lie to you see that's what happens you start fibbing you start telling lies and then everything falls apart i got too convoluted with my fib there and uh and so you know like oh wait now i've got a cat it's just like so then i'm thinking all right i've got to get a litter box i've got to get uh some kibble for the kitty cat maybe some some wet food in the cans you know the stuff that's so phenomenal phenomenally disgusting that when you open it up uh it's impossible not to get a little bit on you and then that's on you for the rest of the day you wash your hands it doesn't matter it's there you're gonna smell like uh ocean fresh fish which no one wants to smell like like if you go to the big department store and there's that line of people who are spraying stuff on you oh you know try this why don't you try mine why don't you try this whatever like none of them smell like ocean fresh fish because nobody that's again that's not a scent that people want to smell like oh well i apologize for starting this show off with such uh a lie a fib uh a faux pas it's my faux pas um to to try to mislead you like that this is the bumper podcast i am natty bumper car and we are a day late and a dollar short who said that who said that i did okay uh so if anyone has a dollar we would really appreciate it if you could send it our way via the podcast um we were going to talk today about it's a six it's an exciting week today is an exciting day in the bumper podcast because we're gonna we're gonna kick out the jams we're gonna put the pedal to the metal we're going to we're in uh what is it called uh manifest destiny we're expanding this thing we're going bigger how much bigger i don't know how long do you want to sit there and listen i don't know because you're not sitting here next to me writing numbers on a notepad you know like uh eight maybe i'd like to listen to eight maybe six six seven six seventeen i don't think i could go six seventeen i think that's going to be too much bumper podcast but i think i could do i think i could do you know what i think we could do we could double it so if normally we do three minutes you know what we're going to do today we're going to hit five minutes that's right it's not quite double but it's a good number i feel like i feel like five is a number that people can really uh appreciate it's it's enough your teeth into uh to wet your palate and maybe uh you know you listen to five a few times and all of a sudden you're thinking i do want that eight i do want that 16 seven what is it six seventeen i do want that six seventeen of the bumper podcast i gotta tell you guys i'm having a great day but i'm also having a really hard time right now because ever since i hit record on the bumper podcast today i've had to sneeze like it is right there read it and now i'm talking about it it oh i'm so sorry i'm so unprofessional it's so it's so yucky it's oh i didn't i didn't know that by talking about the sneeze that it was going to happen this is the worst day of my life i have to pause for a second and just like that through the wonders of radio technology and informational awesomeness i'm back my um my nose you heard that right that's we weren't i wasn't on the sheet like i have a sheet of the things that i wanted to do today on the bumper podcast on the brand new extended all more awesome bumper podcast and it nowhere on there does it say sneeze hey bumper car could you make sure to sneeze into the microphone no producers of the show i won't do that because that's not what that's not the kind of thing that these people are here for that's not the entertainment they want i can't do that i can't do that i can't do that i can't do that i can't do that i came to be professional i came to be more awesome i came to be the bigger better bumper podcast

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August 15, 2013