Tag: thanksgiving

Bumperpodcast #387 – Got a Benefit Haircut

On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty talks about getting his haircut, and spills some tea on some super-exciting news!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar broadcasts from a freezing cold car in a chaotic parking lot where cars drive over curbs and babies escape carts. Natty reflects on a successful charity livestream event where his family cut his long hair and beard with guidance from comedian friend Donna V, raising money for good causes. The episode takes an awkward turn when Natty's Zoom username 'Natty Bumpercar' confuses his coworkers, and gets exciting when he announces he's illustrating a children's book about a Christmas tree named Douglas. Between parking lot mayhem and major life updates, Natty reminds listeners why doing comedy for charity feels so rewarding.

Memorable Quotes

“I was on a work call yesterday and someone goes 'hey what's a natty bumper car' and I just didn't know what to do, just threw my computer out the window.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity, it was just like get the dog away from the hair!”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did I just bury the lead?”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #charity #haircut #workfromhome #children'sbooks #illustration #parkinglot #comedy #thanksgiving

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yay bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and i am hanging out doing the thing doing stuff life is difficult life is rough oh no i'm in a parking lot and i just watched a uh a car drive over a uh a curb it wasn't intentional i hope they're okay oh they seem to be all right you okay you okay bud worried about you don't you don't drive over the curb that's what it's there for it's to curb your progress as it were uh so yeah i am still in the car that's where i that's where i am that's where i be that's where i is mbs yeah and the fun thing is is that it's getting chilly out and so it's it's it's cold it's 37 degrees outside right now uh and that also means it's probably 37 degrees inside the car right now um pretty happy with that pretty thrilled that i'm essentially in a freezer and i have a jacket on and i got a little hat i've got little gloves i've got little shoesies and uh not helping no because here's the thing even if you kind of bundle up and you sit outside in the cold you're still gonna get cold yeah and i'm out here for a few hours and so um the cold the cold gets to me anyway here's another thing that gets to me we had a big week last week i don't know if you knew this but my hair and my beard were incredibly long like bananas long nine months or so i guess that it all grew out and uh curly hair came back i had a nice like big poof curls just locks locks and locks of lots wait lots and lots of locks locks of locks of locks of not no i don't know there's a lot of hair a lot of hair a lot of hair beard and uh so we set it up with a friend of mine who's a comedian her name is donna donna v she has a uh a hair haircut in place they call those salons and we we decided okay here's what we're gonna do we're gonna live stream my family cutting my hair while you donna is on the other side giving them advice and trying to uh to help them along so that they don't injure me and they didn't they didn't there's no injury it was it was it was wonderful and not just the show but we actually were able to raise money for uh for for charities that needed it which is amazing and we were talking about it when a lot of of the shows that we used to do were uh benefit shows and so like probably a couple a month at least and so that was for kitty cat rescues and just animal rescues in general and and families in need and clothing drives and food drives and and just all kinds of stuff and it always made doing comedy even more fun because not only am i getting to go out and bibble babble with my words but i'm also not just me obviously but everyone in the shows is is actually raising money and helping people and what i always noticed uh were the crowds who were there at benefit shows they were happy to be there because they were getting a night out and they were getting to laugh and they were able to help people and so it was like a trifecta of of good feeling good vibes it were so it was very nice to be able to organize and set this up with donna to uh you know be able to help be able to help help help help and um so it was fun because initially it was supposed to be my kids and they were going to be doing the hair cutting and they had scissors eep and they had buzzers and okay i guess i had a brush some sort of spray stuff they didn't really touch that stuff and we were going to do it outside and because i wanted to keep the mess to a minimum but it was so cold and so windy that we had to move it inside but that's fine because it was probably better for audio and lighting and all that jazz and we donna and i kind of started and we were setting the table and here's why we're here here's what we're doing and you know you know what we thought was going to play this raial or vape on and i thought oh this was a realult and we're gonna jump in and i don't know what's going on with the dealt today actually on the day of her ingains visit to the beet shed exciting elsius doing it he was trying to do it backwards and i was like no you have to do it like this and you know it was it was cute and it was fun and then eventually my wife stepped in and i think she was really sick of the uh of the hair and she took over the clippers and she she was not messing around she was just you know all gone and it was we had for a little bit we had a little mohawk type action which is which is fun uh and a big like we shaved the side of the beard so we had a big whatever the is it i don't know if it's a goatee type thing i don't know what this thing is in the front i had some uh so it looked amazing and then we got rid of the uh the the thing at the top the mohawk and and and just had like this column of hair above my head and it made me very happy and it i was actually i was hard pressed to uh to get rid of that i was very much thinking i was just like we we could stop here this this might be the new hair but uh no it was not meant to be so but we raised money and uh did a lot of sweeping in the house and the most horrific thing the most disgusting thing uh so there's all this hair on the floor and oliver was doing a great job of sweeping it up and into a nice pile and out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room oh and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity it was just like get the dog away from the hair it's disgusting ah yeah dogs man they they just eat stuff oh oh i still get the shivers just thinking about it it's just oh anyway uh so yeah that was a big exciting thing this week and i finally i have shorter hair and i uh there's it's you know it's still pretty messy so i'm fine with that uh but it looks better so now i'm not terrified if uh if i if i'm on a work call and people are like we have to turn on the cameras which they never really do because nobody wants to see anybody uh i was on a work call yesterday and i logged in to like i had like a long hair that's just kinda partly because i was auration for him so he turned on one and we had like a long hair and he was like uh i need to do this and he actually did you know start them first and then they're like you know i'm sick of me so i defined me by reviewed my hair and i'm about to get the damn é job and i'm going to do some and and i guess it had retained my name and someone on the work call goes uh hey what's a natty bumper car and i just didn't know what to do just threw my computer out the window just like no and the most embarrassing part was that i had to go out and then gather up and get the computer and it had not hung up so yeah most of their discussion evidently had been about my reaction and throwing the computer and still what is a natty bumper car so that was unpleasant i think to say the least but that's okay you know you live you learn i um do have some other ferociously exciting news so i've been working on a book for like a year year and a half with a friend of mine another comedian his name is joe carney and he wrote a book about a little christmas tree and the little christmas tree is called douglas and like a douglas fur ah and it we finally he finally he finished writing it he got it edited and i drew the illustrations for it and that's all cool and exciting but the real exciting part is that just today i sent over i think it was like the third revisions so they had a couple of little edits like oh that thing is weird fix that thing whatever so i i sent it over and i i don't know when but before thanksgiving which is next week i think we're gonna have a book i think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did i just bury the lead did i talk about a haircut for a long time and i could have been talking about this wow i don't want to jinx myself but it is it's very far along and so now we're just trying to figure out the right format to get because right now it's a digital book and then we're gonna turn it into uh i guess hard soft cover um and i think the guy who's doing the uploading was having some some problems problems as it were with the uh with that process but we're gonna figure it out because the goal is to to have it before thanksgiving so you better cross your fingers and wish me good luck because this is this is a milestone this is a oh somebody's lost there's a baby baby baby the baby in the cart go get the baby get the baby got him well there's a lot of excitement in this parking lot guys normally the parking lot that i sit in is uh boring nothing exciting happening but this parking lot got people driving over curbs you got loose babies going everywhere yeah um so anyway i'll keep you posted um douglas the book doing benefit shows and i think we're gonna do more benefit shows and it's just there's a lot going on i told you did you even believe me you should i'm doing this on this new crazy microphone and i have to admit there's a weird delay from when i talk and when i hear it so i hope it comes out okay and i hope you come out okay and i hope that you're safe and i hope that you're awesome and i know that you are because you are mine bumper podcast

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank hablaui this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

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November 18, 2020
Bumperpodcast #364 – Left out

Oh no. Natty left someone out, again. Who is it – and what will the fallout be? Listen to find out!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this Thanksgiving-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces the wrath of Turkey, who's upset about being excluded from his traditional holiday interview. The situation escalates when it's revealed Natty came down with a mysterious case of "the loop de loo" that caused him to forget everything. Meanwhile, Producer the Frog reveals he's been sleeping in the backyard because no one invited him inside, leading to an emotional workplace revelation. Aloysious J. Pig threatens legal action while everyone learns an important grammar lesson about possessive apostrophes. The chaos concludes with Natty promising a holiday party to make amends with everyone.

Memorable Quotes

“Have you looked around this place? It's a virtual pigsty. That's why I like to come in here as much as I do.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I was never invited to stay in here and so everybody else seems to go sleep whatever they want and I have to go sleep in the backyard. It's very cold out there in the snow.”
— Producer

“It's not turkey soup, it's turkey's soup. The Z is very important because that lets us know it's his soup not soup of him.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #thanksgiving #workplacedynamics #friendship #apologies #holidays #miscommunication #inclusion

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Producer, Turkey

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well good morning afternoon evening midday brunch lunch dinner night time midnight to you bumper podcast listeners it's me natty bumper car and i

Aloysious J. Pig: hey natty hey pig what's going on you forgot somebody who ah turkey come here

Natty Bumpercar: oh no oh no i'm hi turkey how are you

Doodle Poodle: wow wow he's really heated yeah he's really angry why wow i've never seen such a mad bird i haven't either i want what's the matter turkey why are you so mad i've never seen you get angry before okay oh yeah but but no i'm sorry okay

Natty Bumpercar: that makes sense okay so everybody if you don't speak turkey geese then you don't know what he's saying but turkeys very upset because every single year that we've been doing the bumper podcast around thanksgiving we have him on and we have big interviews we have a big show and evidently this year he got his whole turkey family together all ready for his big bumper podcast interview and then the call never came yes hi natty it's i betty sir and i'm

Producer: very sorry but we have put together a schedule and we are determined that we weren't going to be having the turkey on the show this year i have uh some emails from you which say exactly to the point i don't want that bird in my studio he makes everything very feathery

Aloysious J. Pig: turkey um listen i gotta i might have to take this bird out of studio because you he's getting really angry and i don't blame him did you really say that natty did you really get upset at the turkey because of the feathers in your studio have you looked around this place no it's a virtual pigsty that's why i like to come in here as much as i do okay um it's funny

Natty Bumpercar: um wow uh yee um so turkey i'm really sorry we went through a weird thing this year where i came down with a bad case of some weird thing i don't even remember what it was called was it like banu was that banu no bro

Aloysious J. Pig: you're always totes banu we all know that you equal totes banu however yes i believe if i'm

Producer: looking back through my notes that you buy you came down with a case of the loop de loo and you said the loop de loo and you forgot everything and who you were and everything and whatnot so without being sir

Turkey: yeah i did really

Natty Bumpercar: oh thank you so much turkey it was it was loop de loo and guys turkey has offered to bring me he says it's a magic cure for the loop de loo

Aloysious J. Pig: some of his turkey soup whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wait a minute you ain't gonna eat no turkey soup turkey's my friend you ain't allowed to eat my friend's bumper car uh now excuse me point of representation point of fact point of uh uh attention uh uh rufus t rufus have heard the term loop de loo uh dis distributed and disinfactuated here in the studio today and i was wondering who exactly was making that referential preferential

Turkey: yeah hey so thank you uh so thank you for clearing that up

Natty Bumpercar: uh turkey so rufus for you uh we were talking about a long time ago with the loop de loo so you don't have to be here you don't have to jump in everything is fine uh pig it's not turkey it's not soup made of turkey which no because he's sitting here and ew right no uh it is soup that turkey has made it's like a special family recipe uh that i will try to be having and i will try to to be enjoying as soon as he brings it and i'm sure it will be delicious and delectable there's no soup like turkeys soup see the z is very important there because that lets us know that it's his soup not soup of him it's not turkey soup it's turkeys soup turkeys right yeah turkeys

Aloysious J. Pig: so if i say uh on the end of something then that means it's mine so let's see here i'm gonna look around the room ah hey if i gotta go to the store i'm gonna take the keys to your cars does that was that work does that make is that what we're doing now i don't understand hey who's chocolaties uh bars uh is this like that i don't know i this is very confusing to me i don't do a lot of gram not a grandma pig if you understand no i i i myself did go to many schools and many times and many variations that's how you achieve the level of latitude that i have now uh let's see here i believe what you're on the path of correctness and the path of righteousness aloysius so without being said t rufus will like the uh the to take all the monies uh out of the the bankers and put it into my wallet like is that what i think is as proper as well i will be taking the dee desires to this houses like that i don't think that's how it works

Turkey: oh

Natty Bumpercar: so awesome i'm glad you guys are all having fun and this is all wonderful

Producer: i am not i don't usually get to participate in these types of things but i feel like it's fun and hard to get involved as well i'm usually just in my producer booth so i'm going to try one for me i would like you to sleep inside the house tonight like that oh ease yeah like that i would like to have to eat take a shower easy and not sleep in the backyard is uh please uh if it pleases you it's very cold out there in the snow it's not again i don't know even know if you knew this snarving everywhere okay i'm a frog but i'd like to sleep inside okay they wanted

Natty Bumpercar: to get that out there so they're all clearing things off of our chests did you said producer this is i'm glad we're bringing this up because i had no idea you were why do you sleep outside we

Producer: have so many rooms here well i was never invited to stay in here and so everybody else seems to go sleep whatever they want and eat whatever they want to do in an hour or more i have to go have myilsty okay but I want, and that's just not who I am, okay?

Aloysious J. Pig: Nanny, it's just not who he is, okay? You ain't gotta frog-secute the guy just because he's got a good spirit and a good heart, okay? Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, uh, Pig, thank you. You got very emotional for that. That was very sweet of you. Uh, but Frog… My name is Producer. I'm Producer. Yes, Producer. I'm sorry. Thank you. I… Every night when you leave, when you like, wrap up and you're heading home, or what I thought was, like, you say goodbye, and you're like, alright, see everybody later, and you get your stuff and you go out the front door. And so we all thought that you had a house, or maybe you even had a family. We don't know anything about you, so…

Aloysious J. Pig: No, this, no, it seems like it is moving into my purview. Uh, Mr. Producer, would you say that, uh, the Nanny Bumpercon is a affiliate affiliates have, uh, been disregarding you in any way? Because ipso facto, if they have, then that becomes a legal issue that I believe I could represent you properly for. And you know what? At some point, this house is uh, might become your house is uh, my friend, is uh,

Natty Bumpercar: Thank you, Turkey. Yes. So, exactly. So what Turkey just said is the truth and the, and, yes. We just thought that Producer was going somewhere else. Should we have known? Maybe, but he was going out the front door. We never, why would we think he was going to the backyard? That doesn't make any sense. And, you know, I don't know a lot about him, and I feel bad about that, but that's just, uh, you know, we just haven't had, like, personal conversations. He's very professional. He goes into his booth, he does his job, and he's wonderful at it, for the most part, and he, he, that's, that's it, you know? I think we should make time, we're in the holiday season, so maybe we should get together with everyone and have a nice holiday party, and, and we can all get to know each other a little bit better. Wouldn't that be nice? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, of course you're going to be invited, Turkey. I think after this whole debacle that we've, yes, don't worry about it. You're going to be here. What I got to say, Turkey, you're kind of feathering up the joint a little bit. There's a lot of feathers everywhere, okay? So just, if you're going to molt, don't molt here, okay? Uh, I will be awaiting my invitation for this soiree, and, uh, please do run it by my calendar. To make sure I am

Producer: available. I would like to be there, too, if you could please. I would really appreciate just being included, you know, this one time.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, everyone's going to be included, and I'm sorry if anyone felt like they were left out, and you're all awesome. All of you.

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December 11, 2019
Bumperpodcast #363 – Tips and Tricks

Natty shares some golden parenting advice with the world. Hopefully it isn’t fools gold!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar tackles winter weather woes and parenting challenges in this cozy episode of Bumperpodcast. After shoveling 6.6 inches of snow at 10 PM, Natty reflects on hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 17 people and shares the elaborate menu prepared for guests. The episode takes a heartfelt turn as Natty discusses the importance of verbalizing gratitude at the holiday table and introduces clever parenting techniques for dealing with childhood anxiety and dismissive responses. From sledding preferences to goat impressions, Natty delivers signature humor while exploring the universal struggles of parenting and holiday hosting.

Memorable Quotes

“I love to sit in front of a fireplace in a warm toasty cabin and watch as the beautiful snowflakes flitter and flutter… but then what I do not enjoy is walking in it, touching it, falling in it, getting it thrown at me, shoveling it.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I think it's very important to verbalize what you're thankful for. Maybe just saying it makes it more real in my world.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“My kid eats like a goat. He'll eat trash. Wait a minute. My kid is a kid. I was so happy because I never thought of that.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #winter #snow #thanksgiving #parenting #gratitude #family #cooking #mentalhealth

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh the weather outside is frightful but the wait that seems like a song I should know oh the weather outside is frightful but the something is so delightful so delightful hey guys it's me natty bumper car and it's it's snowed it's it's snowed why did it snow I uh don't know if you know this about me not a fan of snow I love to look at it I think it's beautiful I love to sit in front of a fireplace in a warm toasty cabin and watch as the beautiful snowflakes flitter and flutter all around the world and then they land and they look so pretty and they they uh they make the whole uh the world just look like a like a crystal castle no they make the world look like a fluffy powdered donut and better better uh but then what I do not enjoy is uh walking in it touching it falling in it getting it thrown at me shoveling it none of that stuff do I enjoy I kind of like sledding if I'm to be honest uh I uh do not like tubing tubing is where you go to a mountain you pay people money to uh go to the top slide down go to the top slide down go to the top slide down and you're like wait a minute natty that sounds like a lot like sledding and I'm like yeah there's so much more you have to pay money and then you have to wait in line and I don't know I like finding a hill finding a pizza box and just sitting on it and slide down here's the thing pizza boxes don't work I don't I've seen people like I use a cardboard to bog it I'm like nope nope that's just gonna get soggy and wet and fall apart what about if you uh hey I use a uh the lid for my trash can do you okay that sounds like a great idea you want to sit in trash can lid ah no thank you what about uh oh you know what here's my favorite actually as uh when mice sit on spoons and they can uh hold the uh the handle of the spoon and slide down that's that's my favorite that's my favorite right there I uh so we we did get we got 6.6 inches of snow I was just told which is a lot of snow and it uh it's one of those things where because we have to shovel the driveway and you have to shovel the walkway and you don't want to do it while it's still snowing because then it's just gonna snow on it again and then you're gonna do it all again no thank you so I waited I didn't shovel last night until 10 o'clock that's late and then I was trying to be a conscientious shoveler and not be loud about it so it's like I don't want this scraping noise to keep the neighbors up and so I tried to to not do that and then I woke up this morning there's more snow are you kidding me let's get on the schedule let's get on the same page all right okay man I listened to the last episode of the bumper podcast which I apologize was like last year and uh my voice was pretty amazing I even I was trying to figure out how to do it and I it's not I think I must have been sick I guess I don't know something something was going on something was in the air something was in the water I'll have what she's having I um so I have to uh the kitties or the kitties were home yesterday oh guys happy Thanksgiving did you did you give thanks can I tell you my menu I made so much food what did you make all the food all the food yes all the food ginger orange honey glazed carrots yeah I made those truffle oil uh caper lemon uh what are they called cauliflower with Parmesan oh yeah I did that Brussels sprouts with bacon and balsamic vinegar yeah I did that too there's a lot of food a lot of food delicious food we had a 17 people over and I was it was just a wonderful day it was a wonderful day y'all here's the thing that I like to do because we we host Thanksgiving every year and once the meal is out and everyone is is you know making their plates I'm the one who uh goes around the table and I force people to uh to say what they're thankful for what they're grateful for and people really get a poo-poo it they're like oh I don't want to do this but here's the thing I think it's very important I think it's it's it's very important to verbalize what you're thankful for you can you can say oh in my head I'm thankful for these things I'm thankful for the person next to you and maybe they don't get to hear it enough right maybe maybe just saying it makes it more real in my world that's what I think so we go around the table and I say you know uh what are you thankful for and then I may may I may even pepper with a couple of follow-up questions I think that's a good thing to do too I think the art of conversation is is dwindling which makes me sad but that's okay we just have to keep working at it um speaking of conversation here's a cool thing that we started doing in my house uh one of my children who shall remain nameless uh if if you say for instance uh hey buddy uh don't hit your brother because that does happen I'm not gonna lie to you hey buddy don't hit your brother the response is fine it's an angry fine you know what that means nothing fine it's a dismissive it's a knee-jerk reaction it's the first thing there fine and you're like oh no and so for years we've lived with fine and we uh and I would get really frustrated with fine and I would say don't say fine to me that doesn't mean anything that means you're just you're not even listening to what I'm asking you to do and so then I finally I came upon a really cool way of dealing with fine and that is if I say hey buddy stop hitting your brother and he says fine I say no I need you to repeat to me what I just said to you so it's kind of the same way as the thankful stuff where it's forcing him to stop and verbalize what I just asked him to do which in theory this is a theory I don't know if it's real uh make it stick a little bit better. Hey, buddy, don't do that thing. I'm not going to do that thing. Awesome, buddy. Thank you so much as you were. We've only had it for like two days, but it's so far. Fingers are crossed. It's working out. Here's another cool trick. Sometimes in my house, there's a lot of dysregulation, a lot of anxiety that goes on, which sometimes leads to unhappiness, explosions as they were. And so one of the ways that we figured out how to help with those moments of anxiety was to get the kid and you say, hey, buddy, I need you to look around the room and find five things that are orange. And he will do that, but he will go that, that, that, that, that. And you're like, nope, nope, nope. I need specifics. That orange ball, the orange dot on the clock, the orange handle of that spoon, whatever it is. Actually, orange is tough. We don't have a lot of orange things in my house, to be honest. I should have gone with red. We have a lot of red things. But it's cool because, in theory, it helps him to get out of whatever's going on in his mind and look around and focus on other things. And so it's kind of two cool techniques that we've started trying to use in the house to help things along a little bit. Now, if only we could find a way to help the puppy dog, because she won't look at anything. Hey, popcorn. Stop eating those socks. Fine. Don't say fine to me. Woof. Don't say woof to me. Say I'm not going to eat the socks. Popcorn, calm down. I need you to find three things that are blue. Woof. No, be more specific. Woof, woof. All right. Good job. I had a show the other week, and I was talking about my kids, and I was talking about how, their poor diet and how they kind of eat garbage. And I was like, ah, they're trying to get my kid to eat good food, and he just wants to eat chips. Chips all the time. He got really upset. He says, hey, I have the worst life ever because you won't let me eat chips. And I was like, that's not, that is not grounds for having the worst life ever. You have a great life. And so I was on stage, and I was talking about, I was relaying this story, and I said, ah, my kid eats like a goat. He'll eat trash. He eats garbage. Wait a minute. My kid is a kid. I was so happy because I never thought of that. And then I was just like, ah, my kid is a kid. And I went, like that, like a goat. And then I was like, ah, don't talk to your mom like that. Ah. Ah. Ah. Weird goat noises I'm making. I usually do better goat.

Unknown: Ah. Ah. Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: There we go. Ah.

Unknown: Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: Ah. Ah. Clean up your room. Ah. Ah. Put away your iPad. Ah. Ah. Find, find three things in the room that are yellow.

Unknown: Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: Ah. Man. What's tougher to raise? Human children or goat kids? I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to go think about it. Maybe come up with another weird solution. Hey, Bumper Podcast, I love you guys. I'm glad I have my voice back. I'm glad I'm feeling top notch. You're amazing. So amazing.

Unknown: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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December 3, 2019
Bumperpodcast #338 – Turkey! Turkey!

Hey – better late than never, right?! Turkey shows up, and some of the gang chime in to talk about what they’re thankful for. It’s a splendid little get together for all of your ears!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 338 of Bumperpodcast, Turkey arrives upset that he wasn't invited for his usual annual Thanksgiving appearances. Host Natty Bumpercar apologizes for the radio silence, explaining he's been overwhelmed with making endless to-do lists. Rufus T. Rufus emerges from a nap to share what he's thankful for, including the judicial system and his career path. Aloysious J. Pig attempts to lighten the mood with dancing and singing, while Natty reflects on a tough year including car troubles and a flooded basement. Despite the challenges, the gang discusses perspective, gratitude, and finding positivity in difficult situations, all while Natty prepares to head to a library for a kids' show.

Memorable Quotes

“I have to make lists to make lists. And you know what's on those lists? More lists. That's right. I have to break down my lists.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Rough patches, you know what they do? They float away. They're like little ice cubes. They're out in the ocean. They float away. They melt.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“I'm also thankful for chocolates and clouds and rainbows and whatnot.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #thanksgiving #gratitude #perspective #cartroubles #challenges #comedy #friendship

Featuring: Turkey, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Turkey: Hey, Turkey, what's going on? Okay. I know, I know, I know. Well, that's not fair. Come on.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, so what Turkey was just saying was he's upset because every single year for the past few years, we've done a fun string of episodes on the Bumper Podcast where he has come in and done his guest spots and he had it on his calendar for this year because I guess we booked him last year, and then we didn't do the episodes.

Turkey: I know.

Natty Bumpercar: There's just been a lot going on. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you? How are you doing anyway, Turkey? What's going on?

Turkey: What? Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Really? So you've had a really busy year. So I'm surprised you even noticed that we didn't call you or book you or anything. I'm really sorry about that. It's just. We haven't been doing a lot of episodes and it's all my fault, really, but it's because I'm triple, quadruple, octuple booked. Like, I'm just booked. I'm so booked. I'm booked, booked, so booked. And I'm behind on a lot of things.

Turkey: Hey, Bumper Guy.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, get the turkey off the show. I'm sorry, Turk. Your time is done. We didn't have no show, so you didn't come in or nothing, and that's fine. But listen, the thing is, you know. You gotta scoot, because you're really monopolizing a lot of time. And since we're not recording a ton of episodes these days, I need you just to kind of understand who the stories are to show. Thanks, Pig. Thanks, I appreciate that. No, not you, Bumper Guy. It's me. Come on. Oh, come on. Well, anyway. Hi, Pig. Turkey, are you going to stick around? You don't have to. You don't got to listen to Pig. Okay.

Turkey: Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, well, thanks for stopping by. It was good to see you.

Aloysious J. Pig: Bye-bye.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Woo!

Natty Bumpercar: Talk to you later. Hey, everyone. It's me, Natty Bumper Guy. That was Turkey, and obviously he was upset. And I don't blame him. Usually, he's on every single year. But this year, we didn't even have a Thanksgiving episode. I don't know why. I can't tell you why. I can tell you we've been very busy here, though. Busy doing what? No idea. Have you ever been so busy that you… You do a lot of stuff, but then you're so busy that you don't even know that you did this stuff, so you don't even… Your brain doesn't recognize it? Like, I've started having to make lists. And on my lists are prompts that make me have to make more lists. Like, I have to make lists to make lists. And you know what's on those lists? More lists. That's right. I have to break down my lists. Don't forget to make a list. Hey, on Tuesday, you know what it is? List day. Really? Well, what's Monday and Wednesday and all the other days? Oh, those are different list days. To-do, lists. What are you going to do? Lists. Stuff to do, lists. Lists, lists, lists. It's really all I do is make lists. I don't even get the stuff done that's on the list, except for making the lists. Besides that… Holy cow. I'm Bumpercar. What are you doing? Oh. Hi, pig. Yeah. So anyway, evidently while Bumpercar was away from doing a Bumperpodcast, has any of my episodes been going out on the air? Because I know I've been down here. We've been recording some stuff here in the lab. You know, we've been mixing some tricks. We've been putting some stuff together. And I didn't know if… Really? No, none of them. What am I paying you for? I don't… Okay, well… You don't pay me. I didn't mean to bring that up again. Well, you did, though. So, yeah, you haven't been recording episodes because I… No one's been recording episodes because I've had the computer. And without a computer, you cannot record anything. And so… So, there's been nothing. Radio silence is what's been happening. We should tell everyone what we're thankful for. I ain't thankful for nothing. Nothing. You're not thankful for anything? Not one bit. No. All right. Well, then I'll tell everyone what I'm thankful for. Oh, this is going to be a humdinger of an episode. He's going to be like, I'm thankful for chocolate. I'm thankful for rainbows and clouds. And scene. There's the end of the episode.

Rufus T. Rufus: Excuse me one second here. It's Rufus. T. Rufus. I was napping back by the closet here. And I heard some people come in. And I believe I heard a turkey bird gobbling, gobbling. And if we're going to be recording an episode as to what we are, in fact, appreciative of, then I think I should hop onto that list as well and tell everyone what I'm thankful for, which is, of course, the judicial system, which has given me a career path and which has given me a goal and which is getting me on a straight. Straight and narrow, straight to the top, all the way we go, hippity hoppity, just don't stop it. I'm also thankful for all of you, of course, as well. And I'm also thankful for chocolates and clouds and rainbows and whatnot.

Natty Bumpercar: OK. Hey, Rufus, it's good to see you. That's a nice list. I appreciate your list. And I appreciate you waking up and coming and spending some time with us here on the Bumper Podcast. If we're going to do a list, I'm thankful for a lot of things. It's been a tough year. I'm not going to lie about that. What with our car broke, our basement flooded, poor Irving Brown socks went away. Just a lot of stuff on top of stuff on top of stuff. But, you know, we try to take deep breaths and try to keep moving forward and just try to keep maintaining and try to find the positive in things. And so I'm thankful for perspective, I think, is what I'm thankful for. And what that means, if anyone who's listening doesn't know, is the ability to look at situations and look at them from different angles and don't just accept the negative in things. Try to find a little bit of positivity if you can. Try to just take deep breaths and look at things and, you know, hope that you find some good in them. Because it's hard sometimes. Sometimes it feels like there's a lot of bad everywhere. Right. All right. And listen. Okay. Yeah. You're not doing good. All right. Okay. I was trying to. No, you're not. You're trying to give a little lesson, a little life lesson, which is fine. But this is the Bumper Podcast. This is where people come. They tune in on the Teletubes or the Ruby Slippers, wherever you listen to this show. You're coming in here. You're like, how am I going to have fun this week? Oh, yeah. I'm going to listen to the Bumper Podcast. How am I going to have a good time and feel good about the Bumper Podcast? Do you understand? What in the world? A fan just kicked on. Hello. So, it's good teaching little lessons. But let's have some fun, too. Like me, what am I thankful for? I'm thankful for truffles. They're kind of like things you find down next to the trees. And I sound like I'm in an airplane all of a sudden. What's happening to me? I'm also thankful for singing and dancing. Because I have fun when I sing and I dance and I do a little prance and I move around and I shake my little toe. I'll tail around and I do a little bit of this and I do a little bit of that. And, of course, yeah, whatever. We had some rough patches. But rough patches, you know what they do? They float away. All right? They're like little ice cubes. They're out in the ocean. They float away. They melt. And then they're just part of the ocean. Wait. That actually sounded kind of sad. It sounds like those little ice cubes are just going to disappear. I don't like that one bit at all. I don't know what just happened. But I guess I brought it down a peg or two. A peg or two? A peg or two? I'm going to bring this down. I'm going to bring this down a peg or two. All right? All right. You're okay. It's okay. Wow. That was really loud, that fan. How does he have a fan in there? We're not supposed to plug anything into these different places. No, I was going to put a heater in here, but we're not allowed. It does something to the circuits or whatever. Well, listen, everybody. We hope that you're doing great. We're doing pretty okay. We have to figure out how to get our car to move again because the exhaust system fell out. Do you know what that is? Do you know what a muffler is? It's the thing that's under a car that takes the bad air from the engine and it goes through these pipes and it shoots out the back of the car. Well, we recently had a snowstorm a few weeks ago and the muffler hit something and it cracked and broke. And so it's no longer attached to the engine. And so our little car, if you drive it, what happens is all the bad air from the engine goes right into the cabin of the car, which is presumably where you're going to be. It's sitting if you're driving a car. So what does that mean? That means we can't drive that car. Yay. And it caused the repair cost to fix this thing costs more than the car is worth. So there's a little bit of debating going on, right? A little bit of a should we? Shouldn't we? And by should we? Shouldn't we? I don't know what I mean. Should we walk everywhere from now on? Should we get on bicycles? Who knows? It's an exciting adventure. That's what we like to look at. It is that we hope you guys are having exciting adventures and we hope you're there and you're happy to hear from Turkey and you hope that you're happy to hear from us and we hope that you're going to do whatever pig did and do a little dance and shake your little tail and all that jazz. Anyway, this is the bumper podcast and I'm happier now having recorded this than I was before I recorded that and that means that everything is working out well so you have an awesome day me. I'm going to go to a library. I'm going to go to a library and do a kid's show. I have to leave here in about 45 minutes so cross your fingers and wish me luck because by the time you listen to this, it will have already have happened. What? Time travel. The future. Magic.

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December 5, 2018
Bumperpodcast #310 – Turkey is back

Turkey is back – and he is bananas.

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 310 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a Thanksgiving crisis when Turkey shows up at headquarters in a state of panic. Joined by Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus (acting as Turkey's lawyer), and Robot with his universal Turkey decoder, the gang attempts to calm the anxious bird who fears he'll end up as dinner. Through a chaotic series of misunderstandings and Turkey's rapid-fire gobbling, the team works to communicate and reassure their feathered friend. The episode wraps with a heartfelt message from Natty about gratitude and making it through tough times, while Turkey finally settles down for a nap.

Memorable Quotes

“Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

“He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You should wake up every day and look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for making it through the day.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #thanksgiving #turkey #anxiety #friendship #gratitude #communication #holidaystress #kindness

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast and it's me it's natty bumper car and it's that time of year it's that time of year where it's almost thanksgiving and i oh no look who it is

Producer: hey buddy how are you you're freaking out you're freaking me out there's a lot of freaking out

Natty Bumpercar: okay you talk

Aloysious J. Pig: i don't i don't i don't know what i don't know what you're seeing i'm very sorry i'm very i'm

Natty Bumpercar: very sorry hey hey that's me uh allosius jay pig so anyway so i think what the tardy doodle is trying to say is that he's nervous because you're talking about Thanksgiving. Yeah. And always around this time of year, you know, the turkey comes in, and you're like, gobble, gobble, and you're like, who's this? And turkey, turkey, and blah, blah, blah. I think he just wants to make sure that everything is on the up and up. Oh. That everything is copacetic. Of course. You know what I'm talking about. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. Exactly. Turkey, calm it down. He's freaking out. Take it down two notches. He's freaking out. Turkey, turkey, turkey. You need to settle. Settle. Settle. Turkey. Settle. Somebody got to settle the turkey, I guess. Do we have any turkey whispers in the house? No, there's no turkey whispers in the house.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, just kidding. Oh. Uh-huh.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you seem so sad, turkey. Listen, it's going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. We're just going to hang out. We're here at headquarters. It's me, you, and Pig, and we, I, he does, I guess, he kind of, Pig, do you speak turkey? It seems like a little bit. I mean, I, I do dabble a bit. Okay, but not really. No, no, no. Okay, so we, I think that we maybe just need to find somebody who does speak a good turkey, and then we can kind of, kind of go from there. Maybe, does that make sense? I don't know what to do. You still freak it out. Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, turkey. Settle down. Stop it. You're on a, you're on a hot microphone, turkey. Don't say anything you'll regret in the future. Okay, well, calm down. I, uh,

Aloysious J. Pig: oh. I see. I understand exactly. That's exactly what the turkey is trying to

Natty Bumpercar: say to everybody.

Doodle Poodle: Hi, everybody. It's me. It's

Aloysious J. Pig: a little poodle.

Doodle Poodle: And I think that I can solve this case. Okay, it's not a case. Perhaps, perchance, probably.

Natty Bumpercar: He's trying to figure out what he's saying.

Doodle Poodle: Um, what I'm gonna do is get out some paper. Okay. And make some doodles of what the turkey who is trying to say so that you guys can get a visual representation of exactly what the turkey is trying to tell us. Is that the best idea ever?

Natty Bumpercar: I'm gonna weigh in on this and say that no, it's actually not the best idea ever. It's not, it's not the worst idea ever. Uh, but, I mean, I guess maybe we could give it a shot. But the thing is, this turkey talks very quickly. And, um, I don't know that you're gonna be able to draw what he's saying fast enough that we'll be able to convey exactly what he's trying to say.

Doodle Poodle: Oh, look, I drew this unicorn right here. That fast unicorn.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. I stand corrected. We are gonna give it a shot. We're gonna give it a shot. Okay. That's kind of amazing that you drew that that fast. Okay. I'm very fast

Doodle Poodle: doodler. I can draw very quickly if I want to. Sometimes I draw slow. But sometimes I draw really fast, too. This is just how it depends. Oh, what the, you know, this is tough. Oh, he's saddled.

Aloysious J. Pig: Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled.

Rufus T. Rufus: Turkey lawyer T. Rufus. Wait a minute, I did that wrong. Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion on exactly what he wants to do and what he deserves to do and the life that all Turkies in this great country, in this great world, are allowed to pursue and enjoy. If you do get my drift, and I believe you do by the look on your eye, on your face, above your nose, you see what I'm saying? Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, coming in, swooping in, just like I do, to protect you. To protect you, okay? Okay. Call me up. We're going to settle this out of court, lawyer style.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. All right. Are you being paid by the minute? Because that was quite the soliloquy, I think that was, the monologue. That was a monologue. That was definitely a more monologue than we needed to have at this moment.

Rufus T. Rufus: It was more of a soliloquy, I believe. It was more of a, you know. Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: But we're just trying to figure out what the Turkey is doing. What the Turkey wants, and what the Turkey needs, and what will make the Turkey happy. So, I appreciate everyone being here, but I don't appreciate you.

Robot: Hey, but I think you should appreciate me, because I think that I have a solution. I have a universal Turkey decoder inside of my programming.

Producer: Wait, do you really? That might help. Yeah. Yeah. See? Okay.

Robot: I am good for something, and so, if the Turkey would just come here and wait, where's the Turkey going? I don't understand.

Natty Bumpercar: All right. So, what do we… Bro, the robot's completely freaking the Turkey out. Okay. He's afraid of the robot. He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in. Yeah. So, we're going to get the Turkey out of the robot's oven, and then we're going to get the Turkey back in. And, of course, we're going to get the Turkey in the robot oven, and then Turkey dinner, which I have told him is not true. We're not doing that. No. He's a rusty bucket of bolts. He's not a cooking utensil item. So, just go on down. All right. Talk to the, you know, the bones. The robot. No, the bones. The bolts over there. Yeah. And, we can get to the bottom. We can settle. Turkey, settle down. Settle down. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey bro. Seriously. Why is he freaking… I can't even imagine the Turkey. He's still freaking out. I was having a nice relaxing day. You're ruining my day. I don't want to say he's ruining it. Hey, turkey. There he goes. He finally went to sleep, everybody. I think all the activity might have worked him up and got him super anxious. Oh, he's so sleepy. I've never seen a sleeping turkey before.

Producer: He's so cute when he sleeps.

Natty Bumpercar: Is he purring? I didn't know turkeys purred. This is very strange. Wow, all right. Well, now that the crisis is averted with turkey, I wanted to say thank you so much to everybody for listening to the Bumper Podcast and for being so awesome. And sometimes the world is a big, mean, scary place, but hopefully you listen here and you feel a little bit better. Or you see how crazy my world is and it makes you feel like your world isn't, you know, all that crazy. You're pretty cool. You're pretty nice. You're pretty fun. Definitely pretty funny. And thank you. And thank you and thank you and thank you. And you should wake up every day and you should look in the mirror and you should brush your teeth and then you should wash your face and then you should look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for, you know, making it through the day, making it through the night, because it's not always that easy. And the world's a big, scary place and there's a lot of big, scary things happening. I mean, as turkey evidences. So, hooray for you. Hooray for me. Hooray for every single body. Right? Right. Anybody else want to say anything? Anybody else on the podcast want to say thank you for anything? Or…

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November 22, 2017