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Well – evidently – according to the customer service representative that I just called . . . my name is Mack. I guess that I could have have stopped or corrected her – but I was really just enjoying being called ‘Mack’ over and over and over again – I mean – who wouldn’t?!

An example: “Thank you for your time today Mack – has your experience with [company name redacted] customer service been helpful.”

Why yes – yes indeed it has.

Howdy campers!

Best news ever – eh – eh – isn’t it?! Best news ever – huh?! My little Bumperstore – which has been in a dormant state for far too long is finally awake – and ready for you to drop some dimes.

There are basically four designs that are in the shapes of Men’s and Women’s shirts, Kid’s shirts and Baby onesies. The Everything is made on American Apparel goods . . . which makes them – pretty – uhm – good. And the designs – don’t even get me started on the designs . . . there are a couple of Bumpercars (one on red and one on blue), a cloud and also a tiny owl.

I am pretty thrilled about the whole thing – so – why don’t you go and check it out?!

Remember this morning – when I said that I had a dream about a “Cat & Mouse” story – and then was all like “I’ll totally tell you the cat story later?” Well – I don’t remember the cat story – sooooooooo . . . here is this quicky.

Usually when I call someone – like a business – or a doctor’s office – or whatever – they will answer the phone saying “Name of Business” – to which I normally reply “Hiya (or Howdy – or some other silly derivative) ‘Name of Business’. How are you doing today?”

Seven times out of ten there is just dead silence followed by aggravation. The voice that comes over the phone is filled with annoyance because they can’t believe that I have just dared to push the bubble to ask how they are doing. I mean who am I anyway?! Just some guy on the phone – thats who.

Well – today the scenario went down with the silence and then the angst and the lady on the other side of the phone said something to the effect of “Why are you calling?” – which – in turn – annoyed me . . . it is such a simple and human question “How are you doing?” – and even though I do it mostly out of habit, I also lean towards wondering how the person that I am talking to is doing – because it basically lays out how the entire conversation is going to go – and whatnot.

I replied with this quick shot “Well – two things – I was just trying to be polite and also – I was trying to set up an appointment for my car to come in – because it is leaking.”

She murmured some sort of apology and then went to setting up the appointment . . . but never said how she was doing . . . how will I ever sleep through the night tonight with such an unanswered question floating around the ether?

Oh well – hopefully – I will make it through – and also more hopefully I didn’t annoy her so much that the wheels fall of of the car on the way home (“Ask me how I’m doing . . . will he?!?”).

By the by . . . how are you chickens – out there – doing . . . just curious . . .

Since going away for a week – and not having “teh internets” to guide my typing hand . . . them gosh darn wheels have popped right off of this – here – blog. I have been catching up – with the catching up – and looking hard into the future – and all I have seen is the nose to the grindstone – only to have my nose ground.

With all of that – lack of excuse – I bring you a tiny nugget of a story – in which no one is either hurt – or yelled at – with the hope being that more stories will flow smoother in the coming days.

My little yellow car – Oscar – has been dutifully sitting under his rigged and ragged house – just waiting for me to return – and rock around town. So when I got to town – and discovered that his key had been left in the temporary headquarters – I was sad . . . and so was he.

Then the key came in the mail – they nice mail person hid the “overnight” package inside of the “security” door by the kitchen – where it escaped my notice for a few hours. When the key was found – I ran to the back yard – where I remembered that a little bird had told me that Oscar was all but out of gas. I opened the shed – and grabbed the gas can that says “lawn mower” on it – and remembered that it has an oil and gas mixture in it – for smaller engines – like edgers and weed whackers and what not . . . so I put it back and grabbed the unmarked gas can.

After I dumped the whole gallon into the car – I realized that the unmarked can was the one with the oil and gas mixture – and that I had potentially killed my poor car. I hopped in and accidentally pumped the gas – which I forgot I wasn’t supposed to do – because it floods the engine and then turned the key. The engine kept going rrr-rrr-rrrr-rrrr . . . rrrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrr around and around and around. Fear was welling in my stomach. I even went to the lengths of pulling off the hose that leads to the carburetor to pour a thimble full of the life-giving-to-car-fluid (that is gas – in case you needed to know) – but still nothing happened . . .
Next – I grabbed the other (unmarked) can – and dumped all of it’s un-oiled contents into the tank. After waiting a couple of minutes . . . I tried the key again. The engine turned over a couple of times and then roared to life with a thick plume of blue smoke.

Due to the looming potential for rain – I couldn’t really leave the yard – but – boy did I enjoy driving around that 40 (forty) by 40 (forty) foot slab of mud for the rest of the afternoon!

The moral of the story is to always pour a tiny bit of the gas into the top – to see if it is blue-ish (that means oil) – or gas colored . . . and that way – you (probably) won’t injure your loved car.

I am totally back in the building – after a grueling trek down and then back up the Eastern Sea-board – with only the light of Irving B. Socks’ heart to guide me.

I am trying to pick through my frazzled sick-of-being-sick brain to figure out what ti let you know all about – because all kinds of shenanigans happened while I was away – including he best thing to hit this particular website – since bread – bread – sliced – sliced – bread . . .

Until the fog lifts – today is Tuesday . . . and as you know – that means that you are going to have to sit through a little taste of those insufferable ants . . .

Enjoy.