Tag: Socks

  • Bumperpodcast 55 – Post Pardon

    Bumperpodcast 55 – Post Pardon

    It has been a week – and – everyone around Headquarters has been on pins and needles wondering what the fate of Turkey may be . . . Did Robot find the proper forms that were needed to set the pardon?!

    Listen and you just might find out – maybe – possibly.

    These are some of the things that I babble about today – on the Bumperpodcast!

    Don’t forget to email me your questions, musings and whatnot at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Hooray!

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    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar battles a cold while walking his dog Socks in the rain in this short and silly episode of Bumperpodcast. Despite promises to update listeners on Turkey's fate, Natty admits the headquarters is like an infirmary with Aloysious J. Pig bedridden for two days. Armed with rain gear but lacking rain pants, a drippy-nosed Natty philosophizes about wet pants and dry pants while questioning whether it's him or the cold medicine doing the talking. Meanwhile, Socks the dog remains unbothered by the weather, leading Natty to wonder if maybe the dog should be in charge.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You know what you don't want when you're sickly? Wet pants. I mean, there's a specific reason that all pants are sold dry. They're sold dry. Don't sell them wet.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It's hard to say if it's cough medicine, cold medicine speaking to you today, or if it's me. I don't know.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He doesn't seem to mind anything. Maybe socks should be in charge. Yeah!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #sickday #rain #walkingthedog #coldmedicine #weather #pets

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hello bumper podcast how is it going today today i know you all came back because you wanted to hear how turkey is doing or isn't doing whether the case may be but i don't i can't tell you that today because today is a rainy episode today is a sick day episode today is an episode where socks and i are walking around in the rain and i don't know if he has the sniffles but i certainly have the sniffles and not only the sniffles but um my eyes are watering too so i figured what's more interesting talking about turkey's fate we're talking about the rain then i'm walking around in while i'm sick and the dog i clearly turkey is more interesting i understand that i understand that i understand that you think i don't realize but we just can't do it the house is like an infirmary at this point headquarters it's full of pigs he can't he hasn't got out of bed in like two days uh cinnamon needs the horse he's up he can just tell he gets a long stare to the doom you will not take my umbrella no you will not do not even try ah all for pie cash seriously this is where we're at today i have i have my… rain jacket on have my… rain hat on i have my umbrella i have my rain boots but i dont have rain pants i don't even know if such thing exists so from my random jacket down and my shoes wet

    Unknown: wet

    Natty Bumpercar: wet you know what you don't want when you're sickly? Wet pants. I mean, there's a specific reason that all pants are sold dry. They're sold dry. Don't sell them wet. It's hard to say if it's cough medicine, cold medicine speaking to you today, or if it's me. I don't know. I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Somebody's talking on the Bumper Podcast, and if it's this cough medicine, or if it's this drippy-eyed, drippy-nosed coffee bumper car, then it's, you know, six and one half and a dozen. I feel like I'm fading, Bumper Podcast. I feel like I'm fading away. All right, maybe I'm being blown away by the wind. Socks doesn't seem to mind anything. He's just walking around. He's just walking around, checking out all these trees, fence posts, these bushes. He doesn't seem to mind anything. Maybe socks should be in charge. Yeah!

  • small people doing things that small people seem to enjoy doing

    Then the saddest thing happened . . . Well – to be completely honest – it isn’t really the saddest thing ever . . . but it is a real distinction of a passage of time that seems to be moving ahead at a rocket’s pace. Our tiniest of crew members has started being shipped off four days a week to the dreaded land knows only as daycare. And even with all of the deepest pits in my tiny bird-like stomach getting deeper and deeper the closer that the initial drop-off came – I have to say that the boy seems to really be enjoying the process . . . a lot.

    Almost 11 months – or so – ago, a bunch of applications were filled out and contact numbers were called. While the situation of getting to hang out with the tiny all of the time was an appealing prospect, the super amount of stress of not being able to work or sleep or work or make money or take business calls or have a tenth of a brain to be able to make things made the whole thing daunting.

    A quick side-note. What a grand world it would be if we could just hang out at home with the wifey and the doggie and the baby – in our headquarters that was more than a handful of rooms big . . . where there was an ounce of extra inches to have a work space and a fun space – instead of having it all jumbled on top of each other. Wow! That was kind of close to griping – really though – it was just a Bumpercar having a dream – and is that really such a bad thing at all?! I didn’t think so.

    Back to the boy.

    Now – how could this happen? Why couldn’t Socks step up – or maybe Robot could have done something? Why in the world – with a Headquarters full of helpers couldn’t someone have stepped up to keep this from happening?!

    Jeez. Relax. It is a great thing. He loves it a lot. A whole lot. And, it is so good for him to be around other small people – picking up their tricks and their germs and whatnot – but that is a story for a different day. Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself? Maybe a little bit . . . I miss having the screams and the giggles around the house – but – it is good. Look at me – getting to write something again – how fun is that!?

    On with the story.

    The place is nice enough. There are rooms with other small people doing things that small people seem to enjoy doing. My boss took a trip out and gave the place a stern once over, reviews were read online and things seemed to be all in order. I then went in to meet people and take my own look around – under the guise of dropping off some papers – and a registration check – yeouch – money – money – money! It passed my tests as well – and so – things were set into motion. The boy would be joining the fold of the small people who do things that other small people seem to enjoy doing . . . and he would be the best at that activity that there ever was (unless you have ever had a tiny – and then from your perspective – the judges will accept that we came in second best – – not third, though. If you have multiple children – then we are going to have to give you first place and then third and up from there. We get second – or – we take our ball and leave the court.).

    The first day, we got there 1/2 hour late because packing and rushing and trying to get someplace at a designated time is next to impossible at this point. We were only there for an hour – and it was snack time. There was a tiny table and each child got a cracker. Maybe it was a Ritz. I had to go to the office to fill out a bunch more paperwork. If you know me at all – then you know how much I absolutely love filling out paperwork – except not really. In the office, there was a video camera where I could sit and watch everything that was going on . . . that mostly consisted of what I have already mentioned – – small people doing things that small people seem to enjoy doing. I should mention that there was nary a whimper or even a glance over his shoulder when I left the room. That was bittersweet. While I didn’t want him to cry – and he hasn’t figured out how to wave yet – maybe he could have blinked once to acknowledge what was going on – or something . . . The hour was up. We got into our jalopy and zipped back to Headquarters.

    The next day was the hour where I was to drop him off and go about my merry way . . . for an hour. I did my part with the dropping, he did his part with the not looking back and off I went to get a pedicure – again – that is a story for another day. I went and picked him up from his playing and we headed home. The initial two days had been a swimming success!

    The rest of the week went well. We got better at mobilizing and getting all of everything that is needed on a daily basis all packed up. And things around the house slowly started to get less undone and moderately more done. The drop-offs weren’t difficult at all – as there was still no recognition that a drop-off was even occurring. The world was shaping up to be a nice little place. All of the fears were for naught – right?! Well – maybe . . . I’m only taking you up to the end of week number 1 at this point . . . who knows what monsters lie in wait in week number 2?! Only the Jabberwocky . . . Only the Jabberwocky knows.

  • Bumperpodcast 46 – Blue skies and big trucks

    Bumperpodcast 46 – Blue skies and big trucks

    Blue skies and big trucks!
    We bolt out of headquarters to go and experience nature . . . it’s just so darn natural!
    Enjoy listening to me huff and sniffle as I walk – enjoy Socks rolling on the ground and birds tweeting in the trees.
    It’s the best that we can do.
    It’s the best that we can possibly do.
    Enjoy it!

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 46, host Natty Bumpercar takes listeners on an outdoor adventure with his companion Irving Brown Socks. Originally planning to record inside headquarters, Natty is so captivated by the perfect weather—blue skies, green grass, and chirping birds—that he decides to record while walking instead. The episode captures the spontaneous and improvisational nature of the show as Natty navigates passing trucks, observes a cloud, and shares his thoughts on sidewalk sprinklers. Despite the beautiful day providing plenty of distractions, Natty humorously acknowledges that he got sidetracked and didn't really say much of substance, promising to flip-flop back home and try again.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I'm looking for a cloud I'm looking for a cloud looking looking left looking right doing a little spin okay there's a cloud I found a cloud I did find one cloud”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “What if I had the baby what am I supposed to do put the baby out in the street because you want to water your sidewalk I don't think so nothing grows on sidewalks”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #nature #walking #weather #outdoorrecording #sprinklers #sidewalks #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: holy cows bumper podcast holy beans bumper podcast holy cows and beans bumper podcast it is a ridiculously day outside okay that was a dumb truck you were supposed to be hearing all the birds let's listen to them can you hear the birds they're all tweeting up in the tree in the sun blue skies i was going to record this inside of headquarters but then i stepped out with my man irving brown socks to take a little walk because that's what we do and i was like no i have to pee a picture for the bumper podcast I have to tell them you know the grass right now as green as it's ever been I told you about the skies I'm looking I'm looking for a cloud I'm looking for a cloud looking looking left looking right doing a little spin okay there's a cloud I found a cloud I did find one cloud huh thanks oh here's another another truck another truck that's fine you know what it's nature and sometimes in nature there are trucks sometimes in nature there are really big trucks oh and sometimes socks stops walking and starts rolling around on the ground these are things that happen on perfect days like today are you having a perfect day I hope so bumper podcast did you know here's a little fact check toyed for you then here's another truck and then there's another I have to get away from these these trucks all right here's this sprinkler I supposed to give you a fact there's some flowers that's not a fact how do you guys feel about it when people have sprinklers and they're those big fan sprinklers and then they put them so that they're going over the sidewalk me myself normally I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I can't do that I'm really not a fan softly normal normally I guess I normally am a fan but when I have you know my magic phone and it can't get wet then I'm not a fan anymore because what if I had what if I had the baby what am I supposed to do put the baby out in the street because you want to water your sidewalk I don't think so nothing grows on sidewalks it's a proven fact at least nothing is supposed to grow there's another big truck I think we're gonna title this nutrition podcast or something like that. I'm not sure. Huh. I think I was so distracted by how gorgeous the day was that I didn't really say anything. I apologize. I'm just going to flip flop back home and try again.

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  • Bumperpodcast 44 – Stub

    Bumperpodcast 44 – Stub

    I split my toe – I stubbed my toe – I mangled and bashed and beat up my toe. Socks just stood by and watched . . . I had to hobble around a bit – and the worst part was the cleaning of the wound.

    Booooooo cleaning – in all of it’s sundry forms.

    About This Episode

    In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares a painful and humorous tale of stubbing his toe during an evening walk with his dog Socks. What starts as a simple mishap quickly escalates when Natty discovers blood everywhere after his big toe takes on the sidewalk in a brutal TKO. He vividly describes the shock of pain, the confusion of his dog, and the awkward four-block journey home hobbling on his left heel. The episode captures Natty's signature storytelling style as he recounts the worst part of all: cleaning the wound at home only to discover he's out of band-aids.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It was just like you know like when you have so much pain where your body doesn't even know how to react and it's just like pain and you can see things that aren't there necessarily.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If we were scoring the fight between the sidewalk and my toe the sidewalk definitely won tko technical knockout cannot continue fight because of too much blood in the ring.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I have to walk uh what is it right foot left heel right foot left heel right foot left heel came home.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #injuries #dogs #walking #pain #humor #everydaylife #storytelling

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast what's going on it's me natty bumper car or as i like to be called these days natty bumper wait natty bumper stubbed toe natty stubbed toe i stubbed my toe last night yesterday it was a rough day it was a bad day yep i was walking socks it was pitch dark outside and out of nowhere i was wearing flip flops too i should let you know that out of nowhere boom like the whole world went bright like a flash of light mostly in my head but it was just like you know like when you have so much pain where your body doesn't even know how to react and it's just like pain and it's you like you can hear things you can see things you can see things you can see things you can see things that aren't there necessarily and i had to stop i had to pause took a deep breath all right everything's all right stubbed my toe kind of hurts gonna keep walking oh so he kept walking socks you know he didn't know what was going on you know he always gets confused when stuff happens like he just looks back at me like i thought we were on a walk not on a hang out here so i uh so i keep walking maybe i mean i maybe got another 20 feet or so and i was just like well this is this does it hurts it doesn't feel good this doesn't feel right so i took my uh phone my flashlight phone thing and i held it down by my uh by my foot and uh ooh ooh yuck ooh yuck gross there was blood everywhere there i mean there was blood blood everywhere my big toe had been demolished it had i mean if if we were scoring the fight between the sidewalk and my toe the sidewalk definitely won tko technical knockout cannot continue fight because of too much blood in in in the ring so then i'm four blocks from home i have to walk uh what is it right foot left heel right foot left heel right foot left heel came home and then that's the worst part of it all because you gotta clean it out you gotta put some water on it which hurts you gotta put some peroxide on it which hurts you gotta put some neosporin on it which doesn't really hurt kind of makes it feel better and then what you're out of band-aids well you're out of luck

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  • Chased by a bird

    Today – while walking Socks, I noticed a bird that was hanging out on a fence. He gave me the eye. I reciprocated. (more…)