Tag: podcast

Bumperpodcast #390 – Season 2 – Patreon

A bunch of shenanigans. That’s what this is … Natty comes clean about some ridiculousness. Some fibs. And – announces that we have a super-cool Patreon page. Go check it out! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

About This Episode

In episode 390 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns after a mysterious absence, revealing that the "Future Bumpercar" from previous episodes was actually an actor named Reginald from a renaissance fair. Aloysius J. Pig and Doodle Poodle are not amused by Natty's elaborate prank, which abandoned the planned Season 2 storyline. Natty announces the launch of a new Patreon page at patreon.com/nattybumpercar, promising exclusive content, merchandise like t-shirts and stickers, and a book in development. Despite the playful anger from his puppet friends about the production hiatus and pulling the rug out from under listeners, Natty remains optimistic about creating more content through the Patreon platform.

Memorable Quotes

“You're putting out a carpet so they can step on it, and you're just pulling it out from under them.”
— Aloysius J. Pig

“If you don't make stuff, what are you doing? You're languishing. You're laundering? No, you're laying. You're lackadaisical.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I am here for the craft, for the love of the craft, for the love of the art, if you will.”
— Reginald/Robot

Topics: #patreon #behindthescenes #pranks #season2 #contentcreation #merchandise #podcastproduction

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: you you should have seen the look on you guys's faces this is hilarious this is wait what natty what yeah yeah no no it's me i'm back this is natty this doesn't make any sense remember there's the whole thing it's been a long time since you record with i don't understand what's happening you're not natty uh i almost i never i'm never confused but right now i'm mighty confused i don't know how to what is happening so so so so okay remember we there was like season two and where's natty and natty's in the future and the future natty came back and it was like all crazy and there was like a really cool song and everything and yeah i remember because i made a

Doodle Poodle: really nice drawings of you in the cave and it was i made some drawings you know natty so this

Natty Bumpercar: dog over here he made some drawings for you because we were very worried but concerned you understand and you you would disappear and yeah yeah i don't understand what's happening well so that's the funny thing is we i kind of played a big prank on everybody and uh i uh i got the the oh what is this you called him like old natty or something like that we called him future bumper car because he was supposed to be from the future and he said that you you had gone to the future and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and we were here and

Doodle Poodle: Everything. I'm very, I'm super confused as well.

Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry, Doodle Poodle. Doodle Poodle, it's weird. You're only coming in through one channel. I can only hear you in my left speaker. Can you fix that? Stop trying to deflect, Bumper Guy. No one's happy right now, okay? You caused an uproar. You caused a hullabaloo. You caused a big what to do is what you did, okay? And so no one's, don't worry, Doodle Poodle, you're okay. Calm, take your deep breaths. Take your deep breaths, okay? The dog is very upset here, Natty. What Aloysius just said is true. Now, there are jokes and there are jokes, but, you know, you've really outdone yourself. You've put out two episodes in like three months now, which is unheard of. I know. People have flocked away. What? Really? Now, can you explain that? Well, yeah, so I've been really busy. Yeah. Busy, seriously? Yeah, I know. But I have. I started, we started a Patreon page. A Patreon, what? Yeah, no, what is this, Bumper Guy? I don't understand. No. Is there something legal involved? Yeah, so it's a place that people can go and they can subscribe to different levels and we can actually start to, you know, like, fund this thing. Hold on a second here. You are speaking my language, my lingua franca, as it were. Now, so you could say we can be raising some, some, some, some sweet, sweet cash on, on, on this Pat, Patrion. Pa, Patrion, yeah, and it's, it's just, it's, it's easy because it's just, I think, I'm trying to think. It's a website and the URL, it's just patrion.com slash nattybumpercar and so people can go there and they can get, like, cool things. Like, we're trying to figure out T-shirts and buttons and stickers and, like, exclusive stuff that only the people who subscribe to the Patreon can see. Which is kind of neat. Like, we're doing silly unboxing videos. We're getting the studio all set up so that we can start to really pump out more content. More content, more content, more content, more content. Man, I can't, what else are we gonna make? We had Snowflake, the webcomic that you did. We do the podcast every so often. I hope it's more often now. We did Piggin' Pals. We did that every day for, like, I don't know, five months. So, I mean, we got so much content. Now, is there a user agreement? Is there some sort of EULA? Is there some sort of thing that I, I feel like I need to read over this paperwork before we go full, full, full bore. Excuse me. Yeah. Good one. Full pig. Full pig. Thank you. With this whole thing. It's not that funny, okay? Full bore is not something we say in, in, in my world, okay? It's not a, it's not a nice thing to say, all right? Yeah, don't say that. So, it's already, it's already launched. It's already there. It's already, like, everything, I, we, I made all sorts of cool images and levels and videos. I've already have, like, a welcome, welcome to the Patreon type thing. And, yeah, so it's just gonna be a fun thing. So, I hope, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll definitely promote it and plug it. And hopefully people will start hopping on. And that would be amazing. Uh, because the thing is, is we love making stuff, obviously. Oh, well, do we really, though? Yes, of course we do. Or else I wouldn't be standing in a freezing cold room, uh, this shed, no insulation, no heat, no power, uh, making this right now, right? I mean, it's just fun to make stuff. If you don't make stuff, what are you doing? You're languishing. You're laundering? No, you're laying. You're lackadaisical. It's a lot of L words. Uh, like, uh, lima beans? Uh, lappa dappa? I'm trying to think. There's not a lot of L words, are there? Uh, excuse me, everyone. I feel like I should step on your toes a bit to ask a question. Am I still required here? Holy guacamole, I forgot he was even still here. Yeah, that's another mystery. Who is this dude, Matty? I don't know, like, who is he? Well, um, my name is… I didn't ask you. Well, finally. Yeah. Matty, not you. Okay, no need to be rude. Uh, he did ask me, though. Um, so, he is… not some random dude that I found at a renaissance fair, uh, who is looking for work. Wait a minute. He's definitely not that. Are we paying him? Because if you're finding just actors on the streets, they don't just act for nothing, do they? If I may… You may not. You may not. Pig. Not nice. No, no, Pig and Lou is on to something important here, I feel. So, if we can just get actors, what are we paying everybody here for? Are we paying you? And that, sir, is a direct question. Do not try to facilitate or obfuscate my answer, please. Okay, I am here for the craft, for the love of the craft, for the love of the art, if you will.

Robot: Well, um, my actual name is Reginald, and I have been in an acting troupe. My entire life.

Natty Bumpercar: And, well, I'm just happy to have come here and done the research and all the work. And, of course, I'm going to put a hat out if you would… He's going to throw a hat? Why? Like, to… What do you do? To do what? Throw a couple of coins in. What? No way! This is… You're not going to busk here. This is a studio. What are you talking about? This is like a residence. Kind of bizarre. Keep your hand on your head. Um, yeah, we… Reginald, I'm… I do appreciate… I appreciate all the work you did and, uh, everything, but, you know, we kind of talked about how you didn't want to be paid, and so I think probably throwing a hat out at this point is not a great idea. And, really, uh, not a happy audience. Nope. Not a happy audience here right now. Well, then, I suppose I will be on my way, but not before I give you a final bow and bid you adieu. Okay, uh, thanks, Reginald. We'll see you later.

Robot: All the world's a stage!

Natty Bumpercar: He didn't say all the world is a stage. Come on, bumper car, you got to stop bringing random people into the house, okay? It's just… It's just weird, though. Yeah, but… Yeah, but it was kind of funny, right? The whole thing, the future, and, you know, we got two cool episodes out of it, and… Nope. I am seeing through this. I am seeing through this facade. I'm seeing through this ruse. You just didn't want to keep doing all the production. And making the songs. You did two… Because we had a whole script written out. We had a whole thing figured out that we were going to do. There was an outline. Remember season two? We were super excited about it. Well, yeah, and, uh… Shh! That's behind the scenes. You didn't want to do the work! Okay. So that's behind the scenes stuff, pig. Uh, and it was a ton of work, and I wanted to focus on the Patreon, and I'm sure you'll be sure we're going to do episodic content at some point. Right? I assume… You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself there, Natty. Just absolutely beside yourself. Just, what are you doing? Not just to yourself, but to your friends, us, and to your listeners. You're putting out a carpet so they can step on it, and you're just pulling it out from under them. You're putting a carpet over mud… Yeah. …to protect your listeners. And then you're ripping it out underneath them. Oh, now I feel terrible. And you should. I don't know how you sleep at night, but you should feel very rough. Uh, you know what? I'm done for today. Talk about your Patreon thing again. Plug it away. You know, whatevs. But, man, this is really having me, uh, refocus on some of my issues here. I'm really looking at my life, is all I'm saying. Come on, buddy. Okay. Um, well, yeah. Hey, everybody. So, I'm really sorry about the trick. Uh, but it's okay, because we have a Patreon. Patreon.com slash NattyBumperCar. Please go check it out. Uh, there'll be exclusive content. There'll be, like, prizes you can get if you join certain levels. We're… T-shirts, buttons, stickers, and a really cool thing. We're working on a book. All of us. Uh, and it's pretty far along. And so, I hope in the next couple months that I'll have, uh, something for you to check out. Because, you know, we like to make stuff. Make stuff for you. Make stuff for you. That's what we do. Remember the cool song? Uh, that was… That was a lot of fun to make. Maybe there'll be more songs. I don't know. I've never fired a client, but, uh, I'm on the verge of cutting you loose. Yeah, I got your, uh, invoice. Uh, I'm gonna have that paid for you tomorrow, okay? Well, welcome back to the… Oh, my best client. Natty Bumpercar.

Robot: What, what? If you like what we're doing, please subscribe to our podcast. Like it. Give us a review. Tell your friends to listen. It helps more than you could know. Don't forget to go to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Natty Bumpercar. Every little bit helps. Toodles!

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive producer, Frank Hablawi. This program, and many others like it, on the Non-Productive Network, is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No-Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

Doodle Poodle: Thanks for watching.

Unknown: Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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March 17, 2021
Bumperpodcast #389 – Season 2 – What Happened?

Natty wakes up and is very confused. Then, he offends a ‘not a rock’, then a little dude plays a song. It’s all so confusing. He doesn’t even have a toothbrush …

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this surreal episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds himself mysteriously transported to a strange, post-apocalyptic world with red skies, no familiar landmarks, and dust everywhere. He encounters a cryptic character named Houdet (Doodle Poodle) who warns him to run while singing a catchy but incomprehensible song. Natty also meets Rocky, a sentient being he mistakenly picks up thinking it's a rock, leading to an awkward conversation about identity and survival. As warnings about the ominous "Mr. Mayonnaise" grow more urgent and people apparently hide underground, Natty must decide whether to stay put or search for safety in this bizarre new reality.

Memorable Quotes

“I don't have a jacket I don't have a toothbrush which is very important dental hygiene is very important I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I ain't no rock I'm a living being a living creature you on the other hand are a mythical beast”
— Rocky

“I know less now than I did earlier when I didn't know anything. I know less than anything right now.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #sciencefiction #paralleluniverse #survival #mystery #confusion #post-apocalyptic #mr.mayonnaise

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: I don't even where am I what is happening what year is it why is nothing look familiar I hey everybody I mean I'm talking to myself here this is Natty bumper car and I I don't know where I am this is very weird there's dust everywhere a lot of broken stuff I was going to record a podcast but there's no studio there's no headquarters there's no pig there's no Aloysius oh that's that's a pig there's no Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle there's nobody hello hello all right man I was gonna have a podcast and catch everybody up on on on everything that's been going on but there's no everybody so there's no everything going on like who are you

Doodle Poodle: everybody gotta run before the moon pops before the night comes and if you ever

Natty Bumpercar: um I don't I don't know what just happened um I know I just over modulated which freaks me out um I was here confused and then this little dude thing I don't know creature ran up and then that music started and I'm trying to think what he was saying I heard him say run everybody everybody's got a run I don't know what if there's something I should be afraid of I'm looking around he also trying to remember it's something something story to tell and then things didn't go well and I don't know what the middle words were mysterious turn tyrannical like a terrain tyrannicus tyrannical sores wrecked no okay and then run and then get away and then he ran so I don't even I don't I don't know what's happening hi everybody we're three minutes or so into me being very confused there was a big blue light and now I'm here and there's nobody else except for that little guy I think I don't even I don't even know if it was a guy it was like a kind of robot ish I don't know I guess there's still no comedy shows in the in wherever I am doesn't look like there's any food ha no shelter huh very strange I've got a lot of strange things happening on the bumper podcast and I have to say this is one of the stranger ones looking up at the sky it's kind of red not blue looking around not seeing any real plant life this is not good not good at all I don't have a jacket I don't have a toothbrush which is very important dental hygiene is very important I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today or I was gonna record a podcast and then I was gonna have a dentist appointment but I'm assuming that I missed that because there's no dentist around here a little guy had a really catchy beat like I loved it I hope that I can hear that song again at some point said something about the moon moon pops when the moon pops when Sun I don't know anyway I I'm just standing here talking into a rock at this point hey mister yes hey hey mister can you put me down I'm sorry talking rock that I picked you up because I thought you were a rock I ain't no rock I'm a living being a living creature you on the other hand are a mythical beast what a beast a beast I tell you okay stop saying beast I'm just a person I'm just a bumper car a natty bumper car no maybe you've heard of have not you haven't heard of me heard of you at all but I know that you can't just walk around and pick people up sorry okay true well very rude sorry I guess I am being kind of rude what what is your people call me lucky that's hardly fair people call you Rocky I thought you were a rock my name does not determine what or who I am that's valid okay I mean I'm not a bumper car so you're not a rock rocky cool but you said that people call you Rocky where are these people and there's other people are hiding they're hiding everything that is everything happened and they had to go underground as it work they might come back come back like here like they might come back here like something Sal�� here i i don't think i belong here i think i'm from somewhere else and i don't know how i got here but there was this other little dude who was here who sang a song and something about he said to run i mean he he was who did something something do who day you met who day his name is who day and his name is who day you gotta be listening to him because he knows things that are happening well everywhere that's good to know uh i'll definitely listen to him if he ever comes back his uh song was very catchy uh the words were kind of hard to hear if i'm to be completely honest i'm not being a critic here um but you know maybe easier ways to deliver information write me a note stick a sticky whatever an email that doesn't exist probably uh none just talk you could just talk to me like you're doing we're having a conversation you're having a conversation i'm still mad because you picked me up and you call me a rot but not a rot okay i'm sorry again and i did apologize quite profusely i'm i don't know where i am i don't know anything that's happening the sky is red there's no buildings there's no grass there's no again toothbrush i missed a dentist appointment which means i'm gonna have to pay because i didn't cancel it so they still right they're gonna make me pay which i don't like to pay extra and i don't know where i am and i'm scared i'm honestly i'm pretty scared here comes who day oh oh he's back he's getting closer okay i'm gonna try to figure out what he's saying who's mr mayonnaise oh please mr mayonnaise okay you're saying his name oh story okay he's scared

Doodle Poodle: oh okay

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I heard him say Mr. Mayonnaise. Like, oh, please, oh, please. Okay, so now I'm even more scared, and we should, can we hide? Do you know of a place we can hide? You said there were other people somewhere underground. I'm gone. I'm leaving. Zip. Rocky? He just ran away. He just zipped, and then he was gone. Oh, boy. Okay, so Rocky, Houdet. Mr. Mayonnaise. People underground. Um, I'm, I don't, I know less, I feel, now than I did earlier when I didn't know anything. I know less than anything right now. Huh. Um, what are you supposed to do when you're lost? What are you supposed to, oh, I'm going to sit down right here because I've always been told, that if you get lost somewhere, that you're supposed to just sit in that spot. Like, and maybe the people that you got lost from are going to come and find you in that spot. I guess. Or, you know, I could also walk around and look for someplace safe and someplace where I can hide, and maybe that's a good idea, too, because I don't really want to meet someone named Mr. Mayonnaise. Not today. Not today! Not today!

Producer: Please, share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com. Thanks for listening. If you're interested in learning more, visit us at www.nondashproductive.com. Thank you so much for listening.

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February 11, 2021
Bumperpodcast #388 – Season 2

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A future version of Natty appears and sends the crew into a real mystery. What is the ‘everything that happened before everything happened’? Is Doodle Poodle a seer of the future? And – what is that odd smell?? Stay tuned as we dig in to the what not!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

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Bumperpodcast #388 Season 2

Well we would. What year is this place. What decade. I don’t i don’t. I’m very confused right now. Don’t understand what’s happening very leery. Everything is going very blurry who hi. I’m Aloysius j. pig who you haven’t seen you in a lifetime. It’s been so very very long. Wait a minute. I you Natty bubbas. It’s me. I don osteen yelich show show old in your voice. Sounds on your friend and you kind of smell ovid funding and what. I always just. I was sitting in a cave. The bright lad flashed. I was here. i don’t recognize this place. I recognized you. Of course. But i don’t know when i am old. Okay so when you is is twenty. Twenty twenty twenty one twenty. What twenty twenty one. Twenty two hundred twenty one years you. You’re we’re still in age or accounting the us in one by one. Yeah ervin’s of course we were gonna count the as i don’t mean no same. Come from we count. The is based on quadra dramatic equation variable relations still understand with that we sell a bunch of gibberish and it sounded like you took the biggest words pop the squish them altogether to nine. Now you count us one by one. It’s like twenty twenty twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three tetra. I twenty five twenty four. I don’t know but you know what i’m saying. Like one zero one two one two one. That’s one two one two one two. Guess you talking in code now. Have we every crossed that rubicon talking in code. Now now i ain’t never cross no rubicon that is I always just counted awaited. I count one two one toe. One two set a fine foods. Twenty twenty one. Do you want some water. You have water stills his grasp we got one oh tweet from to sink from the test refrigerator still refrigeration and water in this time wonderful wonderful. I think i’ve i’ve made it back to where. I’m supposed to be back to where i can fix everything before. Everything happens. everything everything happened in. I ain’t understand skew them everybody. It’s myself and myself and myself. Mr rufus t rufus in charge and large and in the room. And say hello to you real soon. So i’m wondering Aloysius j. pig lou. Who just man is right over here. Who is he and why is he in here. What is he talking about fixing any way in any who and how rufus it’s me it’s not a bumper the future. I suppose i’ve been told. I was in a cave cave. There was a very bright light. And i can’t breathe just talking to me. You have your own lawyer representation. Your lawyer from the future of hasn’t were because he can’t just come in here and start spouting and giving me words and spinning yong’s and tell them stories because all of this can be used as a court of law. You understand sir after understand that you all my lawyer you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. you understand. You guided me up until you’re very very end. What are you saying. Rufus rufus t rufus went to someway. I heard that as well. And i’m back in a way little bit here because i sounded a little bit like a threat that sounded a little bit aggressive. If you will. And i of course don’t appreciate a man such a jew telling me anything about all as it were and i think it’s all rufus you know. It’s it’s wonderful to hear your jibber-jabber. It’s been so long it’s been so lonely. I’ve been by myself for a long time with nothing. No one to speak to know under speak of.

It’s been very difficult like it was very difficult. So when you say no one does that. Include like no peixe. What are we talking about. Pig pig to be found neria pig to be heard. It was the worst times now does sound pretty to church it. I’m getting a little uncomfortable. Telling me a little bit more about this cave in which you were was. It’s a regulated caves. Should you have been with. A handrails. Was at slipper. It’s all was the any kind of batson thing and vermins. When i’m asking any kind of dangerous issue because we might be able to build this up into aches against the caves it’d be not a bumper gop Guided by rufus st rufus versus caves. A cave. money goes real sand could be a real windfall for us. My friend rufus i understand and i appreciate your trying to toe the line in and find your loyally lawyer loyally in this as you do. You’re an expert at all of these things i declared. The players is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened. And then everything that food house on a confusion. A lot of talk about kiva. If maybe i could make some drawings piece of your shins and then we could figure out exactly what happened. Maybe some hampshire’s nice okay. yes. I don’t know how to pursue i’m flummoxed i i’m fading i need some rest. I haven’t talked many many many times. Okay so i mean we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out of course but i think you’re gonna wanna take a shower because you also it’s i’m this is coming from a pig. I am pig aloe issues. Of course i’m going to say it’s it smells like you. Also having bathed in many a time time at times as potentially possible. We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink rehab at all. So there’s the only way we are able to bay this much like a baby where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder all cells down with it and so if just hopes to keep the flies off. There’s a lot of flies or i come from. And it helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there now. This is a lot of vagaries. You’re putting out the everything that happened with everything. The things that out there. That has a cave blue line. We don’t know anything about anything. Big wiz Natty Bumpercar again. My friend alex com name. I have not heard in a long time spoken allow. Yeah we understand. Grandpa the whatever we’re gonna say future bumper car or whatever dystopia in bumper car bumper car from the in time i dunno Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That’s we got it. I think roe v is asking way than Natty familiar with is is currently aims precisely correct alloway says thank you sir for stepping in good clarifying and quantifying and explaining what i was trying to think if we can get natty over here maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does and can we can introduce track to can bring him on understand. The space time continuum willocks for in the same room together. We can’t see we can’t be near each other. It’s just a possible. Can you talk on the phone to send a letter what we’re trying to. We’re playing this by all right. Adorable little pig is and we’re trying to figure it out and you’re not super helping on if i’m to be honest from the be real. I saw harry.

Why you’re talking. Nice look looks like you did an excellent. this is a wonderful i. i wasn’t bad but to me. I expert as it. Tears looked like a cave to me. Blue light right. That’s one of this dog drool. This out wasn’t there. He’s he’s captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a into the future. I’ve come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out. We have to solve this mystery and ladies and gentlemen. I think that’s why it makes sense to call this. The official start of season to- of the bumper pod cased three hundred eighty eight episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened. After everything happened what is future pump whereas regular bumper doro portal into the future and win. Am i going to get some lunch very very hunger right now. I would also like some lingerie. I haven’t eaten and yeah in a time. That’s what time we get it. We understand it’s a rough place. Came from someone is going gonna stay here and to pick me up an you know i’d love. This has been a nonproductive presentation executive producer. Frank qablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial notary but its license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit. Non dash productive dot com.
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About This Episode

In episode 388, the Bumperpodcast launches Season 2 with a mysterious twist as a confused, older version of Natty Bumpercar emerges from a cave claiming to be from the future. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig struggle to understand this disheveled time traveler who speaks of 'everything that happened' and warns that the space-time continuum will explode if he meets his present-day self. Doodle Poodle mysteriously draws an accurate picture of the cave despite never having been there, suggesting he might be a seer. The episode ends with our heroes deciding to solve this mystery while the dystopian Bumpercar desperately needs a shower and lunch.

Memorable Quotes

“We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations.”
— Rufus T. Rufus (Future Natty)

“It smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. And this is coming from a pig. I am a pig.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Cave money goes deep. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #timetravel #sciencefiction #mystery #seasonpremiere #alternatetimeline #caves #friendship #comedy

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't understand. Where are we? What year is it? Where is this place? What decade? I don't understand. I'm very confused right now. I don't understand what's happening. It's very bleary. Everything has gone very bleary.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey there. Who? Hi. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. Who are you?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, Aloysius J. Pig. I haven't seen you in a lifetime. It's been so very, very long.

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute. Are you Natty Bubbica? Yes. It is me. I don't understand. You look so old, and your voice sounds all different, and you kind of smell a little bit funny.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know what's going on. Aloysius, I was sitting in a cave, and then a bright light flashed, and then all of a sudden I was here. I don't recognize this place. I recognize… You, of course, but I don't know when I am or where I am.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, when you is, is it 2020, 2021, 2021, 2021?

Rufus T. Rufus: 2021. So we're still in an age where we're counting the years one by one.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Of course we are. How else are we going to count the years? I don't mean no sense.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I come from… We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations. I do understand what that means.

Aloysious J. Pig: That was all a bunch of gibberish. It sounded like you took the biggest words that popped into your head, and you squished them all together. No, no. You count years one by one. It's like 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, etc. That's just 25. 25. 24. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying. No. It's just like one-two, one-two, one-two, one-two.

Rufus T. Rufus: It's one-two, one-two, one-two, and you're talking in code now. Have we crossed that Rubicon, and we're all talking in code now?

Aloysious J. Pig: No. No. I ain't never crossed no Rubicon. I don't know what that is, even. I was just counting the way that I count. One-two, one-two, one-two, etc.

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, okay. Oh, fine, fine. So it's 2021.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Do you want some, uh, water? Oh! What? You have water still in this time. You sounded raspy. I was… I'm very… Yeah, of course we got water. No! We got it from the sink, from the tap. The sink?

Rufus T. Rufus: Or from the refrigerator. You still have refrigeration and water in this time. Wonderful. Wonderful. I think I've made it back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I was. Back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I can fix everything before… What do you mean?

Aloysious J. Pig: Everything happens. What is everything and everything happening? I… I ain't understand.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, excuse me, everybody. Uh, it's, uh, myself and myself and myself, Mr. Rufus T. Rufus in charge and large and in the room and saying hello to you real soon. Hello. So, I'm wondering, Aloysius J. Pigaloo, who this man is right over here. Rufus. Who is he and why is he in here and what is he talking about fixing anyway and any who and any how? Rufus, it's, it's, it's, it's me. It's Natty Bumpercar from the future, I suppose, is what I've been told. I was in a cave. You see, I was in a cave and there was a very bright light and I… He can't be just talking to me. Do you have your own lawyer representation? Your lawyer from the future, as it were? Because he can't just come in here and start… Spouting off and giving me words and spinning yarns and telling stories because all of this can be used in a court of law, you understand, sir? You have to understand that you are my lawyer. You, you, you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. You understand? You guided me up until your very end.

Aloysious J. Pig: His very end? What are you saying? Rufus. Rufus, Rufus T. Rufus went away somewhere?

Rufus T. Rufus: No, I heard that as well, Aloysius, and I'm backing away a little bit here because I sounded a little bit like a threat. It sounded a little bit aggressive, if you will, and I, of course, don't appreciate a man such as you telling me anything about anything or, as it were, anything at all. Rufus, you, you don't know, it's, it's wonderful to hear your jibber-jerk. It's been so long. I've been so lonely. I've been by myself for a long time with nothing, no one to speak to, no one to speak of. It's been very difficult.

Aloysious J. Pig: Sounds like it was very difficult. So when you say no one, does that include, like, no pigs? No. What are we talking about here?

Rufus T. Rufus: Nary a pig to be seen. Nary a pig to be found. Nary a pig to be heard. It was the worst of times. Now, it does sound pretty tragic, and I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable, so tell me a little bit more about this cave in which you were. Was it a regulated cave? Should you have been with the handrails? Was it slippery at all? Was there any kind of bats or anything, any vermin is what I'm asking, any kind of dangerous issue? Because we might be able to build this up into a cave. We might be able to build this up into a case against the caves. It'd be Natty Bumper Cop, guided by Rufus T. Rufus, versus caves. No. Cave money goes deep. Rufus. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend. Rufus, I understand and I appreciate you trying to toe the line and find your loyally, loyally, loyally angle in this as you do. You're an expert at all of these things. I declare, I do declare. Of course. This is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened and then everything that happened.

Doodle Poodle: Um, hey everybody, it's me, Doodle Poodle. Hello. I was hearing a lot of confusion and a lot of talk about caves. And I was wondering if maybe I could make some drawings based off of your descriptions. And then we could figure out exactly what happened. And then maybe that could give us some answers.

Rufus T. Rufus: And then I… Doodle Poodle, you're still here?

Doodle Poodle: Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: Okay. Yes. I don't know how to proceed. I'm flummoxed. I'm fading. I need some rest. I haven't slept in many, many, many times. Okay. So, I mean, we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out, of course. But I think first you're going to want to take a shower because you also, it's, and I'm, this is coming from a pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: I am a pig. Aloysius, of course. I'm going to say it's, it's, it smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. Is this, is this potentially possible? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is this possibly possible?

Rufus T. Rufus: We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink. We have no water at all. So there is the only way we are able to bathe is much like a baby bird where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder ourselves down with it. And so it just helps to keep the flies off. There's a lot of flies where I come from. And it helps. It helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there. Now this is a lot of vagaries that you're putting out. Everything that happened with the everything, the things that are out there. There's a cave. There's a blue light. We don't know anything about anything. Pig, where's Natty Bumpercar? Again, my friend, I am Natty Bumpercar. It's a name I have not heard before. I have not heard in a long time spoken aloud, though.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, we understand, Grandpa, that you're whatever. We're going to say future Bumpercar or whatever, dystopian Bumpercar, Bumpercar from the end time. I don't know. Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That's, we got it. I think Rufus is asking where the Natty that we're more familiar with is currently at.

Rufus T. Rufus: Precisely correct, Aloysius. Thank you, sir, for stepping in. Thank you. And clarifying and quantifying and, you know, explaining what I was trying to do. I think if we could get Natty over here, maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does. And Natty can, we can introduce him. No. And we can try to. You can't bring him here. Don't you understand? The space time continuum will explode if we're in the same room together. We can't see each other. We can't be near each other. But. It's just impossible.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Can you talk on the phone or send a letter? I don't know. I mean, we're trying to figure, we're playing this by ear. All right. Adorable little pig ears. And we're trying to figure it out. And you're not super helping on, if I'm to be honest, if I'm to be real. So. Hey, everybody.

Doodle Poodle: While you're all talking, I drew this nice little doodle of what maybe the cave looks like. And I don't know. Did I do a good job?

Rufus T. Rufus: You did an excellent, this is a wonderful cave drawing. I mean, I wasn't there, but to me, to my eye, expert as it tears, it looked like a cave to me. So with the blue, I see the blue light right there. That's wonderful. How did this dog draw this? It's, he wasn't there. He's, he's captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a seer into the future where I've come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out.

Aloysious J. Pig: We have to solve this mystery. And ladies and gentlemen, I think that's why it makes sense to call this the official start of season two of the bumper podcast, 388 episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened after everything happened? What is future bumper car? And where's our regular bumper car?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is doodle poodle really a seer into the future? And when am I going to get some lunch? I'm very, very hungry right now.

Aloysious J. Pig: I would also like some lunch. I haven't eaten in. Yeah. In a time that for a time that we get it. We understand. It's a rough place where you came from. We'll get you some lunch.

Doodle Poodle: I'm just going to stay here and doodle. But if you're going to pick me up a banana, you know, I'd love one.

Unknown: Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

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January 21, 2021
Bumperpodcast #387 – Got a Benefit Haircut

On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty talks about getting his haircut, and spills some tea on some super-exciting news!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar broadcasts from a freezing cold car in a chaotic parking lot where cars drive over curbs and babies escape carts. Natty reflects on a successful charity livestream event where his family cut his long hair and beard with guidance from comedian friend Donna V, raising money for good causes. The episode takes an awkward turn when Natty's Zoom username 'Natty Bumpercar' confuses his coworkers, and gets exciting when he announces he's illustrating a children's book about a Christmas tree named Douglas. Between parking lot mayhem and major life updates, Natty reminds listeners why doing comedy for charity feels so rewarding.

Memorable Quotes

“I was on a work call yesterday and someone goes 'hey what's a natty bumper car' and I just didn't know what to do, just threw my computer out the window.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity, it was just like get the dog away from the hair!”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did I just bury the lead?”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #charity #haircut #workfromhome #children'sbooks #illustration #parkinglot #comedy #thanksgiving

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yay bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and i am hanging out doing the thing doing stuff life is difficult life is rough oh no i'm in a parking lot and i just watched a uh a car drive over a uh a curb it wasn't intentional i hope they're okay oh they seem to be all right you okay you okay bud worried about you don't you don't drive over the curb that's what it's there for it's to curb your progress as it were uh so yeah i am still in the car that's where i that's where i am that's where i be that's where i is mbs yeah and the fun thing is is that it's getting chilly out and so it's it's it's cold it's 37 degrees outside right now uh and that also means it's probably 37 degrees inside the car right now um pretty happy with that pretty thrilled that i'm essentially in a freezer and i have a jacket on and i got a little hat i've got little gloves i've got little shoesies and uh not helping no because here's the thing even if you kind of bundle up and you sit outside in the cold you're still gonna get cold yeah and i'm out here for a few hours and so um the cold the cold gets to me anyway here's another thing that gets to me we had a big week last week i don't know if you knew this but my hair and my beard were incredibly long like bananas long nine months or so i guess that it all grew out and uh curly hair came back i had a nice like big poof curls just locks locks and locks of lots wait lots and lots of locks locks of locks of locks of not no i don't know there's a lot of hair a lot of hair a lot of hair beard and uh so we set it up with a friend of mine who's a comedian her name is donna donna v she has a uh a hair haircut in place they call those salons and we we decided okay here's what we're gonna do we're gonna live stream my family cutting my hair while you donna is on the other side giving them advice and trying to uh to help them along so that they don't injure me and they didn't they didn't there's no injury it was it was it was wonderful and not just the show but we actually were able to raise money for uh for for charities that needed it which is amazing and we were talking about it when a lot of of the shows that we used to do were uh benefit shows and so like probably a couple a month at least and so that was for kitty cat rescues and just animal rescues in general and and families in need and clothing drives and food drives and and just all kinds of stuff and it always made doing comedy even more fun because not only am i getting to go out and bibble babble with my words but i'm also not just me obviously but everyone in the shows is is actually raising money and helping people and what i always noticed uh were the crowds who were there at benefit shows they were happy to be there because they were getting a night out and they were getting to laugh and they were able to help people and so it was like a trifecta of of good feeling good vibes it were so it was very nice to be able to organize and set this up with donna to uh you know be able to help be able to help help help help and um so it was fun because initially it was supposed to be my kids and they were going to be doing the hair cutting and they had scissors eep and they had buzzers and okay i guess i had a brush some sort of spray stuff they didn't really touch that stuff and we were going to do it outside and because i wanted to keep the mess to a minimum but it was so cold and so windy that we had to move it inside but that's fine because it was probably better for audio and lighting and all that jazz and we donna and i kind of started and we were setting the table and here's why we're here here's what we're doing and you know you know what we thought was going to play this raial or vape on and i thought oh this was a realult and we're gonna jump in and i don't know what's going on with the dealt today actually on the day of her ingains visit to the beet shed exciting elsius doing it he was trying to do it backwards and i was like no you have to do it like this and you know it was it was cute and it was fun and then eventually my wife stepped in and i think she was really sick of the uh of the hair and she took over the clippers and she she was not messing around she was just you know all gone and it was we had for a little bit we had a little mohawk type action which is which is fun uh and a big like we shaved the side of the beard so we had a big whatever the is it i don't know if it's a goatee type thing i don't know what this thing is in the front i had some uh so it looked amazing and then we got rid of the uh the the thing at the top the mohawk and and and just had like this column of hair above my head and it made me very happy and it i was actually i was hard pressed to uh to get rid of that i was very much thinking i was just like we we could stop here this this might be the new hair but uh no it was not meant to be so but we raised money and uh did a lot of sweeping in the house and the most horrific thing the most disgusting thing uh so there's all this hair on the floor and oliver was doing a great job of sweeping it up and into a nice pile and out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room oh and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity it was just like get the dog away from the hair it's disgusting ah yeah dogs man they they just eat stuff oh oh i still get the shivers just thinking about it it's just oh anyway uh so yeah that was a big exciting thing this week and i finally i have shorter hair and i uh there's it's you know it's still pretty messy so i'm fine with that uh but it looks better so now i'm not terrified if uh if i if i'm on a work call and people are like we have to turn on the cameras which they never really do because nobody wants to see anybody uh i was on a work call yesterday and i logged in to like i had like a long hair that's just kinda partly because i was auration for him so he turned on one and we had like a long hair and he was like uh i need to do this and he actually did you know start them first and then they're like you know i'm sick of me so i defined me by reviewed my hair and i'm about to get the damn é job and i'm going to do some and and i guess it had retained my name and someone on the work call goes uh hey what's a natty bumper car and i just didn't know what to do just threw my computer out the window just like no and the most embarrassing part was that i had to go out and then gather up and get the computer and it had not hung up so yeah most of their discussion evidently had been about my reaction and throwing the computer and still what is a natty bumper car so that was unpleasant i think to say the least but that's okay you know you live you learn i um do have some other ferociously exciting news so i've been working on a book for like a year year and a half with a friend of mine another comedian his name is joe carney and he wrote a book about a little christmas tree and the little christmas tree is called douglas and like a douglas fur ah and it we finally he finally he finished writing it he got it edited and i drew the illustrations for it and that's all cool and exciting but the real exciting part is that just today i sent over i think it was like the third revisions so they had a couple of little edits like oh that thing is weird fix that thing whatever so i i sent it over and i i don't know when but before thanksgiving which is next week i think we're gonna have a book i think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did i just bury the lead did i talk about a haircut for a long time and i could have been talking about this wow i don't want to jinx myself but it is it's very far along and so now we're just trying to figure out the right format to get because right now it's a digital book and then we're gonna turn it into uh i guess hard soft cover um and i think the guy who's doing the uploading was having some some problems problems as it were with the uh with that process but we're gonna figure it out because the goal is to to have it before thanksgiving so you better cross your fingers and wish me good luck because this is this is a milestone this is a oh somebody's lost there's a baby baby baby the baby in the cart go get the baby get the baby got him well there's a lot of excitement in this parking lot guys normally the parking lot that i sit in is uh boring nothing exciting happening but this parking lot got people driving over curbs you got loose babies going everywhere yeah um so anyway i'll keep you posted um douglas the book doing benefit shows and i think we're gonna do more benefit shows and it's just there's a lot going on i told you did you even believe me you should i'm doing this on this new crazy microphone and i have to admit there's a weird delay from when i talk and when i hear it so i hope it comes out okay and i hope you come out okay and i hope that you're safe and i hope that you're awesome and i know that you are because you are mine bumper podcast

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank hablaui this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

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November 18, 2020
Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

Memorable Quotes

“Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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August 4, 2020