Tag: podcast

  • Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Oh no. After a successful appearance, the kids are back – and so is the chaos. Pig stops by to help as well!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by his two young sons for an unpredictable conversation that ranges from cutting down a backyard tree to imaginary dog treat pizza. The boys discuss their father's tree-cutting adventures, their recent trip to the city for a comedy show, and their excitement about joining a pool. The episode features plenty of sibling banter, microphone mishaps, and Oliver's increasingly wild stories about driving dogs and bone guns. Natty struggles to keep the conversation on track while his sons create elaborate fictional scenarios involving their dog Socks eating special pizza and breaking health codes.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.”

    — Unknown (child)

    “So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #family #kids #parenting #comedyshow #summeractivities #pool #pets #chaos

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have some exciting news the tree is gone i'm not i'm not even gonna bury the lead i'm just gonna come right out and i'm gonna tell you the tree is gone i hear feet above me which means that there are people running to be on the show which is very exciting because oh there's two people coming i can't do a podcast without you guys that's right oh boy ladies and gentlemen we have two special guests here today three i was not oh we have three because the dog came in too that is this morning very exciting i was asleep and uh the dog got away he did and i had to go save him come back the dog's now okay all right so all right the dog's gone the dog is no longer

    Unknown: on the show so the dog is scared what's the dog scared of i don't know maybe this

    Natty Bumpercar: hey why don't you put your butt right here there you go my dog what are you talking about hey is that what you're gonna talk is that what you're gonna say what he's

    Unknown: gone

    Natty Bumpercar: what are you gonna talk about were you guys so surprised yesterday when you came home went out and why were you surprised because i was here or were you just surprised that i brought

    Unknown: you home come on bo i didn't i wasn't surprised nothing happened no nothing nothing happened

    Natty Bumpercar: no or did something big happen um the backyard is not different at all oh the backyard's different daddy daddy cut the tree down no he did done done done why is that ollie why did i cut the

    Unknown: tree down why did i cut the tree down cosズ he's the cutting man, wat is the cutting man and all of her cuddys

    Natty Bumpercar: daddy is the cutting 162 00rj what does a cutting man do

    Unknown: he cuts down the tree

    Natty Bumpercar: chops down trees like a boss

    Unknown: whut, that doesn't make no sense

    Natty Bumpercar: does that mean anything to you

    Unknown: all of the cutting man no he's not no i'm

    Natty Bumpercar: he's the chopping boy

    Unknown: chopping boy and i have a little tweezer that baby snaps those branches up its my tree

    Natty Bumpercar: no you don't have a tree

    Unknown: a tree. They don't make no sense. Daddy, do you remember? When I showed you that tree, you said, be careful. No. He's going to break you. Watch out.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to switch over to here, but you can still keep talking to Emerson.

    Unknown: So, anyway. So, Emerson,

    Natty Bumpercar: if Oliver was the shopping boy, what were you?

    Unknown: I know his name. I don't want to tell.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't want to tell everybody? The dreamy. Oh, good job. That's why he broke the microphone. I told you he was going to do it. That's why we don't touch things all the time, guys.

    Unknown: Now he broke it forever? Yes, forever.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's no need to yell, because the microphone's right there. And you've got headphones on, so you can hear yourself talk.

    Unknown: Yeah, that's creepy.

    Natty Bumpercar: Remember how he just broke it by touching it?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. I remember how he broke it. So, you're still touching it. It's amazing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why does he keep touching it? Whose children are these? So, you were surprised by the tree being gone? Yeah, a little bit. I didn't show you guys the photos and videos of it, did I? Yeah, you did. Oh, I showed you at school. That's right. Here, here's what you guys can do. You didn't show Oliver. Did you show the little one? I'm going this ear. Because he didn't see the tree. There, does that work? I guess you're not talking about the tree anymore. I don't know what's happening. This is a weird episode. See, isn't it weird how you can hear yourself talk anyway? Well, it's headphones. It's not that weird. So, what else did Daddy do yesterday?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. Imagine he took a nap or something. He's making me so hurting. He's hurting. Fix the boy. You definitely didn't touch it. Take a shower. I can tell that. Oliver, I'm not going to wear the microphone. All right, take them off. I wish I could tell my story. Why are you touching the microphone? I just get excited. I don't know. I love animals really much like that. I like animals, too.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you have animals on your shirt? Why are you trying to climb?

    Unknown: Because I want to get to the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you want to stand, too? Wow, you guys are

    Unknown: out of control. They're out of control. Daddy just hit the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.

    Unknown: Daddy's distracted. Stop spitting.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you spit?

    Unknown: No, Oliver keeps on making the breath on me. What's he doing? Stop making the breath on me. It smells bad, I guess.

    Natty Bumpercar: Does it pig breath? It's just talking to the microphone.

    Unknown: Don't yell.

    Natty Bumpercar: What did Daddy do yesterday besides a tree? Something you're both excited about.

    Unknown: Is it food?

    Natty Bumpercar: Man, you guys are good at answering questions today. I'm trying. You know what? After your last appearance, everyone's excited about you being on the show. I mean, I was.

    Unknown: Stop putting your breath on me. I see the backyard. That's the front yard. Yeah, it's the front. So anyway, I want to tell us…

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver keeps on putting his breath on you. Hey, Ollie, can you stop putting your breath on people? It's so much cleaning. It smells like… Come on. He just woke up. He just ate some food. Can a dog smell a little bit?

    Unknown: It smells like rotten teeth breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ollie, do you have rotten teeth breath? Oh, no. Done, done.

    Unknown: He's going to have to go to the doctor.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now I have rotting teeth breath. Wait, is it catching?

    Unknown: Somebody smell my breath. Smell my breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to have to go to the dentist and get all of our teeth pulled. Oh, yeah, the dentist. I said doctor. No, I don't want to do that. Golly gee. Golly, golly gee. Good voice you're doing. You're so heavy. I can't hold you like this. Daddy? Yes, sir. Oliver.

    Unknown: What are you… Wait, on Sunday… Oliver. On Sunday, are we having a babysitter? Babysitter?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, on Sunday, we're having the whole family over. Who? No, come on.

    Unknown: Not all of them. It's Mother's Day.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mother is a pig. That's on Sunday, again. What's Saturday? I've said that a few times. Do we have a babysitter on Sunday? No, we do not. I just said… On Saturday? We don't have a babysitter this weekend. There's no babysitter this weekend.

    Unknown: But you said… Can I babysit?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, what day do we have a babysitter?

    Unknown: I don't know. It's like a mystery now. Oh, June 10th.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I know. June 10th. June 10th is the worst. I can't believe it.

    Unknown: I can't believe it.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. That would be the worst thing ever.

    Unknown: The worst?

    Natty Bumpercar: Why would you say that? Oh, my goodness.

    Unknown: Then Mommy would never see you again. That'd be so sad.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Mommy would cry.

    Unknown: Could I have his bed? I'm joking. That was a hilarious joke.

    Natty Bumpercar: Never mind. Guys, where did we go last weekend? We went to the city. And what did we do?

    Unknown: I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.

    Natty Bumpercar: I did jokes and you guys came? You went to a show? Did you have fun?

    Unknown: Comedy show? Maybe.

    Natty Bumpercar: Maybe.

    Unknown: Socks came too. No, he did not. Yes, we did.

    Natty Bumpercar: Was Socks in the back seat of the car?

    Unknown: Yeah, probably. No, he wasn't. No. Oliver ate… Socks ate pizza. Oliver ate pizza. Why did he eat pizza? Because he was sneaking in.

    Natty Bumpercar: You ate pizza because you were sneaking in?

    Unknown: This is ridiculous. Socks ate pizza with me.

    Natty Bumpercar: You guys went to a pizza parlor together?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: What kind of pizza did you get?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Cheese pizza. What kind of pizza did Socks get? Dog treat pizza.

    Unknown: There's no such thing as dog treat pizza. Dog treat pizza. That sounds yummy.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's only for dogs. It's my favorite kind though.

    Unknown: That smells yucky. Dog treat pizza? Depends on what they're on. It's only for dogs. So if I went into a pizza place and I ordered a dog treat pizza, they wouldn't give it to me? No way. Only for Socks.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, man. What if… So I'd have to have Socks next to me. Or maybe I'd have to pay Socks to buy the dog treat pizza so that I could go outside

    Unknown: and eat it. How are you going to pay the dog?

    Natty Bumpercar: He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. It tastes like poop dogs. Ew. Dogs don't eat that. That sounds disgusting.

    Unknown: There's no way. It tastes for people. It's only for dog treats for only dogs.

    Natty Bumpercar: There is no way that the health code is not being violated by him selling dog poop.

    Unknown: There's no way that they're going to let him do that.

    Natty Bumpercar: They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog.

    Unknown: They didn't even let me in restaurants.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you sit next to him while he ate that pizza?

    Unknown: And I ate mine cheese.

    Natty Bumpercar: So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?

    Unknown: It doesn't make sense. No. It's the dog treat pizza. Then I'll try it. I drove Socks back here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you drove the dog back here? That doesn't make any sense at all. You can't even reach the pedals.

    Unknown: That kid's going straight to jail.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're so tiny. you said door to open the door how did you get out of the car like a delinquent uh-oh i had a gun

    Unknown: he had a what what in the world what are you teaching these kids

    Natty Bumpercar: i don't even believe what i'm hearing right now this is not my ollie this is not who you are you do not move out drive dogs around with guns that you shoot to the pizza place that's too much no

    Unknown: i got out how i got out i got a gun and he got out come on did you break our car do you think mommy's gonna like you talking no she ain't like no not even a little bit if you if you push you down there what are you gonna push people down what what now what are you talking

    Natty Bumpercar: about that's the second time even on the show and you've done uh an infringement of copyright that we cannot you can't afford

    Unknown: it's batman i see batman little one's leaving i see batman everybody what is he talking about batman the bobblehead oh he's over there and i have and i have and i have a star wars guy what is it's like a real divergence that's a good transition i'm glad that we went from the and he has a bone gun a what he has a bone what is a bone gun i don't even know what words i mean

    Natty Bumpercar: it's like a bone gun does it shoot bones so did you emerson did you go to the city as well yeah and what was your favorite part

    Unknown: we go with everything i don't know well i mean did you like the show the whole experience i like the show and i liked everything were you embarrassed no i would be embarrassed scared no did you like

    Natty Bumpercar: that they put daddy up first yeah i wish i would have put me up first that's okay um and then we came home right and we played a little bit we've been playing we've been scootering right

    Unknown: we were scootering yes you guys been going outside all the time in the front driveway

    Natty Bumpercar: well that is true thanks thanks thanks for backing me up on that one that one's true

    Unknown: but uh the pool i wish i could have told a story oh yeah the pool but it makes so much more sense we joined the pool yeah yeah yeah which means

    Natty Bumpercar: but you're not gonna bring me what is he saying ollie that is not polite what is this kid on we're gonna go as soon as we can oliver not polite sir uh whenever whenever the pool joins then we i mean whenever uh words words are you gonna bring socks to the pool

    Unknown: you know there's no dogs allowed i i trust you but there's a german shepherd one no it wasn't at the pool no no that was at the mystery icon

    Natty Bumpercar: whose friend who's whose dog was that who's friend of yours um me it was michelle's dog and his name is name is michelle's dog and his name is michelle's dog and his name is Dog and his name is name zoo name and name

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #296 – Laser Lightning Trees

    Bumperpodcast #296 – Laser Lightning Trees

    Lasers – Lightning – Explosions – Trees! It’s a hyperactive and hyper-short edition of the Bumperpodcast!

    Do you like trees? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    This is a ‘Laser Lightning’ version of the Bumperpodcast – which is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this laser lightning episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares the exciting (or "inciting") news that a dying oak tree in his backyard is about to be removed. The giant three-story tree has been dropping branches and threatening to fall on his house, so professionals are coming to take it down. Natty reflects on the tree's long history and how it's been there much longer than his three years at the house. He recounts his children's hilarious reactions to the news, with one son spiraling through various concerns about the house, the swing set, and even their dog Socks potentially being traumatized by the tree removal. This charming episode captures the comedy of everyday family life and childhood anxieties.

    Memorable Quotes

    “i got so excited that i actually said inciting so this is so inciting that i can't even stand it”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “he was like change i don't like change and i was like bro relax and he was just like but they're gonna drop it on our house”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “his next one was like what about socks that's our dog obviously and i was just like what why are we worried about him”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #trees #family #homemaintenance #children #pets #anxiety #change

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: okay bumper podcast this is another laser lightning episode of the bumper podcast and today i gotta tell you it's something it's inciting inciting that's not the word i wanted to say i was trying to say exciting but i got so excited that i actually said inciting so this is so inciting that i can't even stand it in fact oh it's inciting excitement that's where we are right now uh so today the excitement that has been incited is that there is a tree in our backyard is a giant tree it is an oak tree it has a sickness it is dying it is dropping branches everywhere it thinks that it wants to sleep on my house i do not want it to sleep on my house the man is going to come with his tools maybe several men i don't know maybe a truck i don't know maybe a robot i don't know and uh the tree is going to be removed now it's kind of sad to me because this is a tree that is big it's probably uh three stories tall about 35 feet or whatever uh but i and so it's been there a long time it's been it's been here a lot longer than i've been here i've only been in this in this place uh three years or so and uh this tree it's been there all right it was it was maybe it was a little acorn is that what oaks would what oaks come from oak nut maybe it was you're gonna granola i don't know maybe it was but maybe it was here maybe it like a bird ate something a seed flew over and then deposited the seed and then the little sapling came up and then the people said oh that would look nice in 30 years or 40 years or however i don't know how old 100 years i don't know how old the tree is it won't tell me it's not polite for me to ask how old the tree is but uh the tree is going to go away and i told my children this and they freaked out not because the tree was going although one of them did because he was like change i don't like change and i was like bro relax and he was just like but they're gonna drop it on our house and i was like well we're hoping they don't do that okay that's kind of the goal is to not drop the tree on the house and then he was just like but what about art and he starts looking around the yard for things to freak out swing set and i was like the swing sets on the other side of the yard it's not gonna not gonna hit that and then he his next one was like what about socks that's our dog obviously and i was just like what why are we worried about him and i don't he couldn't really articulate what he was trying he was worried about but he was kind of freaked out that the dog is gonna be upset about it maybe you know like oh that's the dog's tree that's his best friend he hangs out with well no he's a dog he's a dog he's a smelly smelly dog the uh the uh we were we were putting some clothes away i mean my wife and i this little transition and uh i couldn't figure out whose clothes were whose whose clothes belonged to who and she i was just like which one is which one does this go to

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #295 – Bring your kid to work

    Bumperpodcast #295 – Bring your kid to work

    It’s ‘Bring Your Kid to Work’ day on the Bumperpodcast – and – if he keeps it up, he’ll be a regular. It’s the best appearance yet by one of the smaller Bumpercars!

    Have you everbrought your kid? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

     

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar attempts to celebrate Take Your Kid to Work Day with his son Emerson, albeit a day late. The duo discusses the mishaps of missed communication involving skywriting, a dog delivery service, and secretaries that don't exist. They debate Oliver's alleged strawberry allergy, the absurdity of "Lettuce Fridays" at work, and Natty's new job as a garbage man. Emerson struggles with sitting still while Natty spins increasingly ridiculous tales about workplace lunches, from soup that's just warm water to sharing a single lettuce leaf. The episode showcases the playful father-son dynamic and improvisational comedy that makes Bumperpodcast so entertaining.

    Memorable Quotes

    “There's a cart that comes around the hallways pushed by this really tiny old man. And all it has on it is lettuce and we each get one leaf of lettuce.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm very good at sitting.”

    — Emerson

    “I'm a garbage man. I hold on to the back of the truck.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #takeyourkidtoworkday #father-sonrelationship #foodallergies #worklife #garbagecollection #schoolrules #lunch #childhood

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and i have a uh guest a friend a guest a compadre somebody who's helping me out with a show today who are you emerson you're emerson and you're here because it's take your kid to work day and so i decided to bring you to work right here at the bumper podcast but that was yesterday well but we're gonna pretend it was today okay because there's a lot of pretending it was yesterday and i was forgot i did not forget i was too busy at work and i was not able to you just told me i know i should have told you there was a there was a lapse in communication i sent a note to your secretary did she not give it to you

    Unknown: no what your secretary to me oh come on secretary i actually

    Natty Bumpercar: i I did a skywriting. I had an airplane right up in the sky. Did you look in the sky yesterday?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so that's what the note was. The airplane in clouds wrote, dear.

    Unknown: It did not.

    Natty Bumpercar: And it just said EM because I didn't have enough money to spell out Emerson because that's too long of a name. Is that even your name? Yes. Of course it is. Did you just fall off of a chair?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're not good at this. Yes, I am. You are not good at sitting, my friend.

    Unknown: I'm very good at sitting.

    Natty Bumpercar: I think we should get you into some sitting classes.

    Unknown: No, I don't want to be. It's so boring. No, you could become a professional sitter. No.

    Natty Bumpercar: You could get a college scholarship in sitting. No way. Some of the best schools in the nation, in the country, have sitting teams. All right, fine.

    Unknown: Never, never, never, never.

    Natty Bumpercar: So you didn't get my note in the clouds yesterday. Yeah, I did not. That's very sad. I feel terrible about that.

    Unknown: I was in class already. What time was it at?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it was at 11.37. And then the airplane.

    Unknown: I ate lunch then.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you were in the lunchroom? See, I messed up. I messed up. See, see. Did, did, wait, did. I also, I also, because just in case you didn't get the skywriting, I sent Socks with a note on his collar. Did he come to school? He was supposed to come to school.

    Unknown: He's not. There's no dogs allowed in school.

    Natty Bumpercar: They didn't. You didn't let him in?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, that's not fair at all. How am I supposed to deal with that?

    Unknown: Do you know the sign that says no dogs allowed?

    Natty Bumpercar: There is no sign that says no dogs allowed.

    Unknown: You better check at school, Daddy.

    Natty Bumpercar: You better check at school.

    Unknown: I checked it already.

    Natty Bumpercar: It said no dogs at school. I don't feel like you checked it. I'm not so sure that you checked it.

    Unknown: I did check it.

    Natty Bumpercar: And what does the sign say?

    Unknown: Don't bring your pet to school.

    Natty Bumpercar: That says, there is no way that there is a sign that says it.

    Unknown: But you can bring cats or birds or anything else.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, this doesn't make any sense, then.

    Unknown: I don't know if they're dogs. People might be allergic to cats or dogs, birds, or snails.

    Natty Bumpercar: People are not allergic to snails, I don't think.

    Unknown: People are allergic to strawberries.

    Natty Bumpercar: Who's allergic to strawberries?

    Unknown: Nobody.

    Natty Bumpercar: I feel like there's somebody that you're thinking of that is specifically.

    Unknown: No, no, no, no, no.

    Natty Bumpercar: But is he actually allergic to strawberries, do you think? No. We are speaking about Emerson Smallbrook. His little brother, Oliver, who claims to be allergic to strawberries. And what happens?

    Unknown: He froze up, but he's not allergic because he never, ever, ever, ever tried them.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emerson.

    Unknown: What?

    Natty Bumpercar: I feel like there are some foods that have strawberry in them that Oliver eats. And he does not get sick. He does not freak out. Did you know this?

    Unknown: Yes, I did know that.

    Natty Bumpercar: What foods do you think he eats that actually have strawberries in them?

    Unknown: I, um, donuts, strawberries.

    Natty Bumpercar: Strawberry donuts? The pink ones?

    Unknown: Yeah, and, and, and ice cream.

    Natty Bumpercar: Strawberry ice cream? Yeah, uh, I don't know if he's actually had any of that. He has. What's his favorite ice cream flavor?

    Unknown: Cookie Monster? What color is it?

    Natty Bumpercar: Um, blue.

    Unknown: And what's in it?

    Natty Bumpercar: Chocolate chips. No, there's cookies in it.

    Unknown: What?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh. Oh, maybe chocolate chips. Maybe it's like chocolate chip cookies. And I like chocolate chip mint. That's new.

    Unknown: That's a new thing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Because I used to not like mint. I know. You used to be like, mint's not good. Mint's no yum. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I don't like mint. I was little then. Yeah, but now you're big. Now you're in the big world where you, you eat mints. What just happened? Did it just hurt your leg?

    Unknown: Nope.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is that, you know what? Is that another sitting issue that we're having? No, no, no. It feels like if you could just sit in your seat, like maybe this would go much better. I don't know. I'm actually kneeling because you took my chair. Oh, sorry.

    Unknown: This is kneeling.

    Natty Bumpercar: But you're too big for the chair. No, I'm, the chair is perfect size for me. It's my, it's my chair and I fit in it pretty well. It's probably mine.

    Unknown: It's my chair too.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is it? Well, I, if I share it, it's your chair.

    Unknown: We share chairs.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's no, I don't think there's any reason to move that. So what do you think we're going to do today when we take, take our Emerson to work?

    Unknown: Um, um, daddy's going to do lots of work and then we're going to get lunch and then.

    Natty Bumpercar: Nope. No lunch today. Aw. On Fridays, we're not allowed to eat lunch. They don't let us.

    Unknown: Yes, they do.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. They, you know what they do? What? There's a cart that comes around the hallways. And it's, it's pushed by a cart. It's, it's pushed by this, uh, really tiny old man. And all it has on it is lettuce and we each get one leaf of lettuce.

    Unknown: That's bad.

    Natty Bumpercar: And they say, enjoy your lettuce. Like that. Well, he's not that good.

    Unknown: I think you're lying, daddy. No, but here's what, the sad part is, is they're not going to have enough lettuce for you.

    Natty Bumpercar: So you and I are going to have to share a lettuce leaf for lunch.

    Unknown: Ew. But what about the dressing on it? There's no dressing on it.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no dress, they don't have, there's no, there's no funding for dressing. I'm not going to eat it. I mean, I'm going to, I'm just going to bring, um, um, I'm just going to bring a fruit roll

    Unknown: up and eat it. Where, where are you going to get this fruit roll up? Because we don't have any more. No. Okay. I'm just going to get, uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Have you seen your bag? It's full of snacks. I have so.

    Unknown: I'm going to eat all my snacks. You're going to snack it up?

    Natty Bumpercar: And daddy's going to get lettuce. Yeah.

    Unknown: I'm, well, I'm excited for lettuce Fridays. I don't like lettuce Fridays. I like, um. You like gummy sundaes.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I like. And taco Tuesdays. And, and taco and, and pizza Thur. Pizza, pizza Fursday?

    Unknown: Thursday. Yeah. Pizza, pizza Thursday? And, and, and, um.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fish, fish steak Monday?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about meatball Wednesday?

    Unknown: Oh, spaghetti and meatball Monday, um, and. And, and, and? And, and, and?

    Natty Bumpercar: And, and, and? And, and.

    Unknown: And, and.

    Natty Bumpercar: And, and?

    Unknown: And, and. Um. And, and.

    Natty Bumpercar: And, and. And, and.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And, and. And, and.

    Unknown: Yeah, and, and. And, and. you're really thinking about this huh what about peanut butter and jelly no no no peanut butter and jelly is allergic we're just allergic but you're you can have them here but everybody's gonna have them where huh you said it's um peanut butter jay um peanut butter jelly

    Natty Bumpercar: we're gonna have to edit that out they do not sponsor this podcast so we are not giving them any money no additional advertising for that for that corporation now it's today so it's gonna be lettuce friday and you know what tomorrow we're gonna start a new thing it's soup saturday but the soup we don't have anything to put in it so it's It's really just warm water. Is that okay? I think it'll be delicious.

    Unknown: Hi, Daddy. I have to go pee.

    Natty Bumpercar: What?

    Unknown: I don't have to go pee. Do you really?

    Natty Bumpercar: But you just said that to everyone. That's inappropriate. Sorry, everyone. This is now a not safe for work podcast.

    Unknown: Daddy's fine. He didn't say anything about that.

    Natty Bumpercar: I didn't say that we have to keep it clean?

    Unknown: No, you didn't say any of that to me.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, it was in the note that I sent you. Did you get the note?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: I gave it to your secretary. Did she not give you this note either?

    Unknown: She did not. Either? I was at 12.

    Natty Bumpercar: It was at 12?

    Unknown: No. Wait, what did you say again?

    Natty Bumpercar: Which one?

    Unknown: Oh, I was in recess. I was at recess.

    Natty Bumpercar: They give you recess?

    Unknown: Yeah, they give me recess.

    Natty Bumpercar: I told them that you're supposed to work during lunch. I want you outside mowing the grass, picking up trash.

    Unknown: They don't even have that. There's no trash anywhere.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's no trash at your school?

    Unknown: Yeah. What about garbage?

    Natty Bumpercar: What about garbage?

    Unknown: There's no garbage.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about recycling?

    Unknown: There's no recycling.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's none of that?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, well, I don't know if I believe you, but I don't feel like you would fib to me.

    Unknown: Uh, but maybe there is garbage.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, wait a minute. You've been caught. You've been caught in a trap.

    Unknown: Maybe. Maybe we do. Only in the schools, not outside. Bye. I thought you were talking about outside.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you have it inside? You have garbage inside?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's the last place that I would expect you to have garbage. Why do you have garbage inside?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is this your stuff? Are you putting garbage inside? No, I'm not. Well, it's a good thing to bring it back around that we are going to take your kid to work day because you know what my job is?

    Unknown: What? Don't, don't make a garbage tool anywhere.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm a garbage man.

    Unknown: I never seen a garbage man. I hold on to the back of the truck. I know. I've seen you last year and you never had a garbage truck.

    Natty Bumpercar: This is a new job. The only reason we're still at home right now at headquarters is we're waiting for my truck to come around and get us.

    Unknown: No, I already saw the truck.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm especially worried that you're not going to be able to hold on to the back of it. Like when it goes around a corner and if you fall off the truck, man, mommy's going to get really mad at me.

    Unknown: And what if I have to go to the bathroom?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, well, you don't get to. Here's the thing. Sometimes when the lettuce man comes around and gives me lettuce, I do sneak out and I go potty. But that's only once a day that I'm allowed to do that.

    Unknown: Daddy, do you want to share food today?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Okay, how about I'll take one bite of lettuce and then you can have the rest because you're a growing boy and I want you to have all the nutrients and everything. Okay. Is that a good plan? Yes. Do you think you're going to make it through the whole day? Yes. Are you going to fall asleep? Maybe take a nap? Are you going to? Are you going to hide under my desk?

    Unknown: Maybe.

    Natty Bumpercar: My desk in the garbage truck?

    Unknown: Oh, no.

    Natty Bumpercar: No?

    Unknown: But you do have a garbage can.

    Natty Bumpercar: I do have a garbage can. I actually have two garbage cans in my tiny office.

    Unknown: I never… It doesn't make any sense to me. Do you know if you're going to make this into a Star Wars thing?

    Natty Bumpercar: The Star Wars thing?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I do. I don't know if he's going to be there today.

    Unknown: Aw.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's one of the good reasons that we were actually able to take you to work today is I found out that no one is going to be there.

    Unknown: Yay.

    Natty Bumpercar: This is going to be me and you. You know why?

    Unknown: Why? What about that guy?

    Natty Bumpercar: You know why?

    Unknown: What about…

    Natty Bumpercar: Because today's Saturday.

    Unknown: Yeah. Today's not Saturday. Today's Friday. Yesterday was Thursday. Womp womp.

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #293 – Turkeys and Rabbits

    Bumperpodcast #293 – Turkeys and Rabbits

    We talk about rabbits, and other things that come into your house and leave things. We also meet Rolly T. Rufus – Rufus’ brother!

    Have you ever met a rabbit? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic spring episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig brings Turkey into the studio to deliver an urgent warning about an impending bunny situation. Host Natty Bumpercar struggles to understand what's happening as Rufus T. Rufus arrives with his older brother Raleigh T. Rufus, creating unexpected family drama. The conversation veers wildly from Easter bunny warnings to sibling rivalry, with Pig attempting to keep everyone focused on the mysterious rabbit threat. Natty reflects on the strange tradition of mythical creatures breaking into homes during holidays, from Santa to the Easter Bunny to leprechauns. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational chaos as multiple characters talk over each other and the narrative spirals delightfully out of control.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It's this weird infatuation when you have kids at holidays of these creatures these magical mythical creatures that break into your house and do stuff.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine. That's my new song.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I'm Rufus T. Rufus I don't listen to nobody never not once.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #easter #family #holidays #chaos #siblingrivalry #mythicalcreatures #turkey #bunnies

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Turkey, Rufus T. Rufus, Raleigh T. Rufus

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: oh hey turkey turkey turkey turkey okay uh okay so here's the thing hey turkey hey all right everybody that's me aloesha's jay pig and i got turkeys in here too which is weird because it ain't really your holiday season you know proud and you just cock a little dough you're a turkey first off it's spring second off

    Natty Bumpercar: turkeys don't cock a total dough what are we doing hey guys it's me uh natty bumper guard what's up son you're the bumper podcast what's turkey doing here yeah you

    Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so i don't know is the answer i don't speak turkey so well but from my understanding he's upset about something so i decided to come in ruffle his feathers a little bit use the airwaves a little bit on the schedule you know embrace the platform that is the bumper podcast and get his word out on the streets on the main streets of turkey town well that's fine it's fine but normally

    Natty Bumpercar: you know uh i don't mind dropping a little bit of air on the streets of turkey town i've been guests from time to time but uh it's usually a reason that people are stopping by and uh turkey can you i don't speak turkey very well either i apologize but can you maybe just let us

    Aloysious J. Pig: know why you're here i guess okay i see what he is okay okay okay okay i'm getting it i'm not seeing anything what are you doing

    Natty Bumpercar: oh okay so you're here because in theory later this week at some point a bunny rabbit is going to come to my house with a basket of goodies for the children and so you're warning me that to keep an eye out for this bunny is is that was i i think that's what i got from what you were just saying is that right okay all right

    Aloysious J. Pig: on its way i think what turkey has brought to the table right now is i think we got ourselves a bunny situation a bit of a bunny situation a bit of a rabbit bunny situation situation so yeah betting down the hatches people what are you talking about

    Natty Bumpercar: what is about to happen what i don't understand what do you mean what is about to happen is something bad about to happen oh okay bye turkey thanks for the warning

    Turkey: hey who are you did y'all see that turkey just walking in the room that was just here

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah i did he's the biggest turkey out ever turkey but who are you huh who are you me yes

    Aloysious J. Pig: you my name is is Raleigh T. Rufus Raleigh T. Rufus and I you might make my acquaintance with my friend

    Rufus T. Rufus: well well well there he is there he is this is a time when family gets together bumper cars you met the acquaintance of my brother there he is he's a little bit littler but he's a lot bit older Mr. Raleigh T. Rufus there he is I'll buy that right now give it to him one time Raleigh

    Raleigh T. Rufus: this is gonna talk to y'all and then I saw that turkey and I was saying to myself what's a turkey like that turkey doing over here is this turkey town

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't know what's happening Rufus hi I haven't seen you in a while Raleigh you're really great I think you need to get closer to the microphone if you're gonna be on the podcast though cause you this is a recording booth and we're actually recording a podcast right now you know you wouldn't believe it I barely believe it based on what's happening hey Bumps

    Aloysious J. Pig: uh who is this dude what's up Ruf I got some paperwork I need you to fill out and sign and everything okay sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine that's my new song I'm really rich but I said witch sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine it's harder to do I think I'm just gonna stick with witch that's fine right

    Raleigh T. Rufus: what else do I say in here

    Natty Bumpercar: oh gosh

    Raleigh T. Rufus: Rufus is that a talking pig

    Aloysious J. Pig: that I'm looking at over there

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah it's a talking pig

    Aloysious J. Pig: what is this planet that you have broughted me to what is this I don't even understand this is what mama said she didn't want you to hang out with wait really you should go back home I ain't going back home you should go back home Rufus don't you Rufus don't you Rufus you need to come along with me right now

    Rufus T. Rufus: these are my business associates and they come we record I manage I am their manager I am their lawyer emeritus I do all of their paperwork I take care of everything I am the magician behind the scenes really that's what you're calling yourself I will be staying here and you go home and you can tell mom that's what the deal is I'm Rufus T. Rufus I don't listen to nobody never not once

    Natty Bumpercar: you know what my new wow I guess we're stuck in weird family drama now between Rufus and me and Raleigh my new favorite thing in the bumper podcast that I'm just now noticing is how every time somebody talks into the mic they say who they are because that's I feel like a really good sign of character development is when people have to be like hi my name is Natty Bumpercar I'm saying these words now oh and I am Pig I'm going to say these words my name is whatever Raleigh I mean there's a lot of names I guess that makes sense nobody

    Aloysious J. Pig: they can't see his brow so that makes sense

    Natty Bumpercar: so it makes sense that we're saying names yeah totally okay you know what carry on as you were you guys are doing a great job

    Aloysious J. Pig: so anyway I'm Aloysius J. Pig I'm just messing with you guys everybody knows who I am who I am I'm stuck down here with all these these these these backwards dudes it's just weird for me because where I come from is the big city the big mean dirty streets not a turkey town no no I come from the big mean streets of you know like over by Brooklyn Coffee Can Alley or Brown you know wherever I live I don't know where I live I live where I stay people come up to me all the time and they say hey Pig where do you stay and I say where do I stay and they said nice one where do you stay and they say I stay down here up the hill you know you know what I'm talking about

    Natty Bumpercar: no I don't think anybody knows what you're talking about yeah it was a lot of it made more sense when Turkey was here this is kind of definitely off the rails when Turkey was here at least we had it felt like we had a name narrative a through line narrative for the episode but then to be honest and I feel bad I'm not going to point any fingers but when Raleigh showed up excuse me I don't know what happened don't they stop making sense

    Aloysious J. Pig: a little bit you stop making you can't handle the truth you know what Rufus we need to go find us that turkey we need to go have ourselves a bit of a conversation with him about a few things for instance what kind of stuffing is better you know

    Rufus T. Rufus: oh now there he goes he's falling asleep falling asleep at the wheel as he does that's why he can't drive at night anymore you know what bumper car I had something I wanted to talk to you about but I'm not going to but I agree this whole ship has gone off of the rails that's fine I mixed my analogies up but y'all all have fun with your bunny talk or whatever you was going to talk about and I'm going to take my brother Raleigh T. Rufus on home tomorrow and we're going to have ourselves a final time going to go talk to that turkey that was inappropriate when he was going to have us a turkey but I think it's going to be just fine just fine pig you all go ahead and mail me your paperwork make sure to get it annotated notated and Rufus-tated Rufus-tated if you know what I'm saying and we will return

    Natty Bumpercar: okay wow well thanks for stopping by Rufus's brothers of Rufus brothers Rufus the brothers Rufus that's your name that's a good name your podcast it's never going to happen

    Aloysious J. Pig: so we should talk about we should talk about about the bunny we should talk about the bunny before people forget about the bunny

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah so

    Aloysious J. Pig: go ahead you go you do it you do it

    Natty Bumpercar: so it's this weird infatuation when you have kids at holidays of these creatures these magical mythical creatures that break into your house and do stuff we've got the elf on the shelf that comes around Christmas obviously there's Santa Claus that comes around Christmas now we have the leprechauns that we try to capture at St. Patrick's Day and then there's the and then there's this Easter bunny that comes and distributes eggs all around the house I don't think there's any other ones that I'm forgetting no there's nothing on Halloween there's not like thank goodness because that would that would not work out because the kids are already terrified enough but like get out of my house

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #292 – Stye in my eye

    Bumperpodcast #292 – Stye in my eye

    Bumpercar has a stye on his eye – and a lot of his pals stop by to help. It’s a real humdinger of an episode!

    Have you ever had a stye? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar is suffering from a painful eye stye and seeks help from his puppet friends in this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast. Aloysious J. Pig offers unhelpful pig-related stye advice, while Robot suggests remedies he should have already known about. Producer attempts to cheer Bumpercar up with his singing voice, though Pig quickly shuts down his backstory. Through the pain and frustration, Bumpercar shares his misadventures with magical microwave eye pillows, including one that arrived pre-broken and gooey. The episode culminates with a surprise visit from a pirate character offering seafaring wisdom about eye patches and ship microwaves.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Maybe I could produce some sort of salve. Or perhaps some sort of bomb. Or something. Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.”

    — Producer

    Topics: #health #eyestye #medicalremedies #misadventures #friendship #comedy #pirates

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Robot, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Oh, I'm injured, I have a boo-boo, I'm not happy.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Hey, what in the world? Hey, Bumpercar, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig. Hey, Bumpercar, what's going on? Why do you feel like, what's going on? You got a boo-boo, huh?

    Natty Bumpercar: What happened to you, anyway, huh? It's my eye, it's my eye, I've got a stye in my eye. You've got a stye? It hurts, and it gives me a headache, and it itches, and I'm not supposed to touch it, and all I can do is put a little warm pillow on it, and it doesn't do any good. What, what? I just don't feel good.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, first off, Bumpercar, I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye. I actually sleep in a stye. I eat a lot of food in a stye. Pig, it's not that kind of stye, would you just stop it?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's because it hurts, and you're not helping, and you're making me feel worse. I don't want to feel worse, I want to feel better.

    Robot: Hey, it's me, Robot. I haven't been on the Bumpercar. I've casted a whole long time. There's a reason for that. Maybe I can help you.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, Robot. Thanks for coming by. I'm glad you're here. Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Please. That's a really good rhyme, bro. I know you don't feel good, but that was pretty, that was tight. That was really, that was on point. I like it.

    Robot: He was talking to me, Pig. So, let's see. Have you tried using a little warm pillow? Are you serious? A lot of people use little warm pillows to make their stye.

    Natty Bumpercar: I said I, that's the first thing that I did. That's the only thing I did. Okay. And it didn't help. I didn't know that.

    Robot: Well, I- Well, I wasn't in the room. I wasn't here yet. I did say- So, how could I have possibly-

    Aloysious J. Pig: Because you have a robot. You've got robot ears. I understand. You're not helping. No, you should be listening. You should be helping. Right. Or something. You know what? Listen. If you're not going to help- Okay.

    Robot: This is good out. I'll be going now. Yes. I'm going. Okay. This has been Robots. Hasta mañana. Wait, the robot speaks Spanish now? Yeah, I guess. I didn't know.

    Aloysious J. Pig: That's a new thing to me, too. So, he picked up another language, but he can't pick up listening when the conversation is over. When the conversation is happening on the podcast that he's going to interrupt?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I don't understand this, though, man.

    Aloysious J. Pig: He was outside the room. What the heck?

    Natty Bumpercar: That made no sense to me. Okay. But I don't like defending robot, clearly, but he was outside the room, and I do feel bad that he was kind of thrust into this- I mean, he thrust himself into this situation and was immediately expected to perform, and he's not exactly what I would call a performer,

    Producer: so- Well, speaking of performers, hi, robot. Hi. It's me, Producer. Hi, Producer. What's going on? I'm here to help you produce your show, because it's a bumper podcast. You have to do my show, too. And I haven't been around. He doesn't very long. Producer, I don't want to do my show right now. He's still got your pipes. Yeah, he's got his pipes. I don't feel good. I wasn't aware. Yeah, I've got a sty, so I'm injured. Maybe I could produce some sort of- What? Saf. Huh? Or perhaps some sort of bomb. A bomb? Or something. A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm not going to lie, Producer. Just having you in the room with your singing voices made me feel a teeny tiny bit better. How do you sing better? Oh, no. Better. You shouldn't do that. Better. Oh, no. How do you sing so well? You're like a little ray of sunshine coming out. Oh, no. You're a little ray of sunshine in here.

    Producer: Well, I took a lot of training in school and I went to all these different singing camps that I know.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I tell ya, nobody really cares. Nobody wants to hear about it.

    Producer: Okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah.

    Producer: All right. Yeah, so just go on. That's fine with me, I suppose. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I'm going to go now. All right, so you have- I'll see you soon. Okay. So here's the thing. You're a producer, so that means you're supposed to produce. Ain't really mean you're supposed to be on air talent. Ain't really mean- You know, you guys- I mean, here's the thing. You might have a story to tell. to tell i'm sure you do you're a great dude right however we gotta have people behind the boards people behind you know the switches and the knobs doing the things and making the magic happen here's the thing i'm a magician you're like my owl okay you're my uh i don't know he's funny rabbit no i know you're a frog you're a frog all right okay back to bumper car okay i'm going now

    Natty Bumpercar: all right thanks for stopping by producer wow we're really getting a lot of fun visitors here today on i mean when i started the show i was basically in tears uh splitting headache so here's the thing a stye i've never had styes in my entire life that i know of no documented styes uh and then last month out of nowhere out of the blue in my right eye there was this bump on the eyelid and it hurt and it scratched and i was like what what so i went to the pharmacist and i pointed at it and i was like what is this fix it and they were just like whoa you got a stye and i was like oh no i've got a stye it's the end of the world they were like relax it's a stye people get styes and i was like i don't want to die they were like well we've got this cool little pillow that you put into the microwave and so it's it's like these little uh beads that get either really hot or really cold and if you put them in the microwave it's in like a little plastic pouch and then that goes into this little um little sweater little pillow sweater like a pillowcase but i'm calling it a sweater for some reason and uh you can only it says you have to do it in 10 second intervals 10 second the microwave doesn't do a lot but once you you know get up but then you have to watch it right because it expands so i used it the first day and it was great and it made my i feel better but i kind of burnt my eyelid which is not a pleasant thing to do they even told me be careful your eyelid is one of the most sensitive areas on your whole body and i was just like sure sure there's a sty it's gotta go burnt eyelid ow so then i had to deal with that fine uh oh and you know this is when i was doing commercials uh a couple months ago or last month whatever and it was like i had a big audition thing and and of course four days before the audition sty so then i had sty eye going into the audition dun dun dun is that why i didn't get it sure we'll blame it on that not my lack of talent uh and uh then on the second day with the little pillow i was so desperate for to to heal to fix that i i put it in for 10 and then another 10 and i would i take it out after each time and i feel this little pillow and i can shake it to feel the little beads moving around and if it's not warm then i still stick it back in uh 10 9 8 7 the little pillow broke this is a 12 item this is not something that i'm just gonna go out and buy all willy nil all the time and so then i didn't have it i was done and and luckily that time the sty just went away i think i whatever i did to it i scared it away and it was fine flash forward this week woke up the other eye another sty so now i'm asking people now that i've had this is this something is this my life it's not this isn't this isn't what i signed up for that's for sure so i went back to the place and they'd moved all the little pillows so i had to get them i was like where's the pillow i need a pillow for my eye i have a sty but she took me to the sty eye pillow aisle and uh it's not an aisle it's just one place there's only one left i got it home went to put in the microwave it's a pillow i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty it's all gooey it's all gooey why is this all gooey somebody had bought it popped it sent it back and then i bought it no sir no way so then on the way to work i had to go to a different one because it was more on the way to work and i was i was kind of preoccupied by it and uh driving a little bit quicker than i should have pulled over pulled over by the police here's what and here's how slow i was going though uh i was going like 35 or 25 which is too fast fine but i was going slow enough that the police officer who was standing like he was like leaning on his car he pointed at me and then he pointed in front of his car and i was able i was going slow enough that i was just like oh okay okay this is happening so it was a good morning is what i'm saying it was a good way it was on a monday morning it was the perfect way to start the week to start the day uh but it was it worked out fine don't let's not worry about me everything worked out fine so then i went to the other place i got the pillow and i've been using it ever since i've been using it a few days now uh stye still there stye getting worse uh stye uncomfortable but luckily we have the bumper podcast we have all my helpful friends here

    Aloysious J. Pig: i'm here too oh my friend i didn't even know you were still here well you because you were yammering you start yammering sometimes at the show and i just like let you go i'm like just keep rolling bro keep rolling you ain't figuring out your stye but this you know who's gonna figure it out hold on a second

    Unknown: oh hello there bumper car it's me i'm the parrot and we get styes quite constantly styes along with rickets and along with shingles and along with all kinds of sea legs as you understand so here's what we do on the boat is we take a patch and we draw a skull and crossbones on it and we put the patch over the eye of course we warm it up in our shippy microwave and it heals the eye perfecto mundo well you speak spanish too all right well then i'm gonna go

    Natty Bumpercar: get a patch and it's gonna make me better

    Unknown: hopefully i think we have time so let me show you thank you any unless you want to get ready and really uh but it's not like i'm so self-evident is gonna link you not this video really um like teach you all stuff and you i mean mean anything to me you're all going to figure this stuff out if you want fuck no it is wellomme man oh mandy dog

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe