Tag: pets

Bumperpodcast #451 – Season 3 – Turtles

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar talks about turning over a new leaf and not double and triple booking himself. Also, there are turtles! Don’t miss out — listen, subscribe, and share the laughter today!

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About This Episode

In this solo episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds himself alone in the studio after accidentally breaking all the recording equipment while fiddling with settings that were working perfectly fine. With Producer and the rest of the gang mysteriously gone, Natty reflects on his tendency to quadruple-book himself and the resulting chaos in his life. He shares hilarious stories about therapy sessions without couches, attempting to organize his time by making endless lists, and his recent adventure caring for two hatchling red-eared slider turtles named by his kids. Through self-deprecating humor and rambling observations, Natty explores themes of self-care, overwhelm, and the simple joy of watching turtles eat their floating food pellets.

Memorable Quotes

“I can do two or three things at the same time and be in different places at the exact same time, I've mastered that, but once you get up into like four it's I really I can't do it.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Self-care? Doc didn't you hear I'm double triple quad booked how could I there's no time for self-care who's got time for self-care?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“That one's a buster. He kind of just like sees you coming and he'll jump into the water and swim around and I used to think he was terrified but I think he expects food.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #self-care #therapy #timemanagement #turtles #pets #parenting #technologytroubles #overwhelm

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: i can't even express how annoyed i am right now i sat down to record the bumper podcast which you're listening to because you're amazing and i super appreciate it and i started fiddling why we started fiddling with the software started fiddling with the knobs which were working before so why fiddle there's no reason to fiddle and then everything broke and i didn't know how to get back there there were there were uh restarts of the computer restarts of the software um there was there were some searches there were some internet searches and uh finally i mean it's not the same as it was before but at least i can see that it's recording something which you know to me is as much of a win as i expected at this point i uh it here's the thing when i was recording i was like oh you know it sounds like there's a little bit of an echo huh oh i wonder how to fix that huh and then i started i was like maybe this will get rid of it oh oh wait what oh what just happened oh no and and so that's what uh that's what i've been doing for the last hour so it's pretty exciting uh i know you're all uh sitting on the edge of your seat saying well where's where's producer is it doesn't he normally handle this stuff doesn't he normally take care of the the the software and the bells and the whistles and whatnot yes but everyone is out right now uh i they i don't know where they don't tell me where they go um they just kind of pig took the car keys and uh they didn't even really say goodbye i the way they say goodbye is kind of sweet though they um you can just hear the door shut behind them and then you're like oh okay bye see you later okay bye i'm just gonna stay here and fiddle um yeah so i i probably should have let producer handle the uh the the the fiddling and the tweaking and the turning of the knobs and the pushing of the buttons because uh what i got myself into was a real calamity at a point i said this is a real calamity to myself out loud because um it was and that was the only way i knew how to express the frustration that i was going through i um speaking of being frustrated have tried to get better at not uh doing as many things as i was doing before so not uh not double booking double booking everyone can handle that not uh triple and quadruple booking uh that's where i seem to get into trouble i i can do uh two or three things at the same time and be in different places at the exact same time time i've i've mastered that uh but once you get up into like four it's i it really i can't do it and uh you know people get frustrated you know oh why do you why do you double triple book why are you quad booking and i'm like i don't know my brain thinks i can do everything all the time for everybody and um uh i was i was told that that's not the case not that's not how it works you know if you're if you're gonna commit to doing something then you should go do that thing and and be there like have your mind present and i was like wait so just having my my body here or just you know while i'm on the call that's in my ear and while i'm also uh walking the dog that's that's uh it's not okay and they're like no you're distracted you're you're in several different places at the same time and i'm like exactly and they're like exactly you see the tone difference there i thought i was i had it that i had figured it out and they were more uh uh frustrated so that you know that happens and that's that's fine you know i uh i don't know if any of you have ever been to a therapist it's super fun uh because they have to listen to you for however long it is and um it's a weird thing all the television shows cartoons they uh they make it seem like oh there's a couch there's there's no couch in mine at least i don't know i assume some must have a couch depending on how much space they have mine has a chair there's like two different kinds of chairs and you know sometimes you know when i'm going in and i'm chatting uh they're like well how are you feeling and i'm like i'd feel a lot better if there was a couch in here you know just because it would give me the sense uh that this was this was real that what we were doing you know i was like doc if you can't even commit to you know the proper piece of furniture then what what are we even doing here right what what do we what am i are we wasting our time i hope not but the funny thing is at the end you know after you've discussed things and talked about billing or whatever you do uh yeah they say uh so what do you uh before we you know see each other again what do you plan to do for yourself what do you you know plan to do for self-care self-care and the first time i heard that i uh actually i actually fell on the floor i you know i i couldn't catch my breath i was laughing so hard catch self-care doc didn't you hear i'm double triple quad booked how could i there's no time for self-care who's got time for self-care i gotta keep that boat afloat over there i've got to keep uh that that fire over there at bay uh and i have to keep you know i've got to keep that boat afloat over there i've got to keep that that fire over there you know the roof from leaking and i have to keep uh all the the chickens fed and uh you know on and on and on so so self-care for me is um just waking up the next day to start it all again which um evidently not sustainable not something you can just keep doing forever um you uh you get tired you get cranky you uh you might get some uh really i think wonderful bags under your eyes little dark circles right uh and might get sick more often so that's you know that's something that's going to probably happen and then you might run into the situation that i did where people get frustrated with you because you've double you've triple and you've quadruple booked yourself so i'm working on not doing more but the way my brain approached not doing more was by taking on a few different tasks uh like one being you know organizing myself in my time it's like if i organize myself in my time then i can prioritize and if i can prioritize and i won't be double and triple booked and uh i um now i spend a lot of time making notes making lists and uh prioritizing on top of everything else that i was so people were like hey you didn't make it to the meeting where were you and i'm like oh yeah yeah and that's okay i was i was organizing my time all right i was prioritizing and they're like well you you don't seem like you you know you're committed to this and i'm like but that's exactly what i'm doing i'm you know i had i had like i had to make a note with a to-do list that was broken out with different times and different days different goals right otherwise i'm not going to just flying by the seat of my pants and they're like well you maybe you should have done that when you're not supposed to be meeting with us i'm like whoa whoa whoa baby steps all right baby steps you everybody just take a deep breath and uh understand what's what's happening here and they took a deep breath and they said i well what is happening here and i said i really don't know i just i was hoping that was going to end the conversation hoping by kind of leaving that out there that that was going to be the end of it and um you know i wasn't i wasn't expecting you to keep going so honestly this is kind of on you right read the room um i was throwing up facades and i was throwing up uh you know fake fronts and i was throwing up uh all kinds of subterfuge and smoke and mirrors and and you just kind of kept on walking down the street and uh and tagged me so now i'm it and i i didn't even want to be playing tag i um yesterday i was in a reptile store i know that's hold on i hope you didn't get whiplash from that but i was in i was in a reptile store with my kids because um someone gave us uh two what are they called hatchling red-eared slider turtles and they're i don't know how big they are like i'm trying to show you but i know this is audio but they're about that big no um hmm trying to give a a good uh a racquetball they're about the the size of a racquetball around not tall because that would be weird to have a circular turtle but they're you know round and flat like turtles are supposed to be and uh the kids have named them we have spent all the money buying a new habitat and setting all of that up with filters and heaters and uh you know all the things little lights for the turtles um little uh dock that they can rest on really they're living their best little turtle lives but one of them is has been a little bit um lethargic which is a funny way to describe a turtle but it's it's true he's he's kind of just like he's there he's hanging out but he's not moving around as much and you're probably like yeah that sounds like what a turtle's supposed to do that's what i used to think too but the other turtle who i keep saying that one's a buster like that i think i've said that almost every day since we've had the turtles oh that one that one there that's a buster and what i mean by that is he kind of just like he's he seems like he's gotten a little bit bigger and he will see you coming and he'll jump into the water and swim around and uh and i used to think he was terrified but i don't feel like he's got a little bit bigger he is i feel like he's uh kind of playing with with i don't know i mean he's he's looking out of the tank sees you coming jumps and then i think what it is is he expects when i come for there to be food and so maybe he's like all right i gotta get into my eating position i gotta get into my my eating you know spot and and it's so fun because the uh the food they're these little tiny pebbles and they float and not not pebbles not rocks but uh because that's that's not something anyone could eat um but little pellets of uh pellets of turtle food that float and so he'll like he's swimming underneath it he can see his little head he's looking around and then he zooms up and he does this like his little head pops out further and his mouth just grabs on to it and it's kind of amazing to watch it's much more fun than you than what i'm describing it's uh a shockingly good time like i've found myself on multiple occasions just sitting and watching the turtles like oh look what they're look at that look what he's doing look at that one he's oh you know you know he's over there but then one of the turtles was being lethargic and and and i was just like oh no i i don't want my turtles to get hurt the children have become attached so we went to a um a reptile shop and uh we're looking around and this tiny kid comes up to my kids and he's like oh no i don't want my turtles to get hurt and he's like oh no i don't want my turtles to get hurt and she's probably like three i'll say and she goes hey hey you want to play tag and my kid's like uh no and i was like good good on you all right that's a good decision child oh mine

Unknown: you it's just sometimes like it's funny how you can do something a little wrong to your kids if you've been with them a very long time they will kind of blame you and say oh well you're about to be merciva and they're like you know uh yourself i'm gonna blame you it's fine i'm gonna blame every single one of you but then you'd kind of get a bit of nerve by being produced by them and i know that translate a little bit 날스 процент

March 6, 2025
Bumperpodcast #393 – Season 2 – Toe

It has been way too long. Let me explain why – oh – why. ❤️ The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

About This Episode

In this personal episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares stories from his recent whirlwind trip to Georgia. Natty recounts helping his childhood best friend clean out his parents' house in Macon, Georgia, triggering waves of nostalgia from their friendship that began in traumatic swim lessons at age four. The episode features humorous tales of Southern food adventures including barbecue, Brunswick stew, and a leaky fried chicken restaurant, followed by a grueling 25-hour drive to Boulder, Colorado. Between managing his clumsy cone-wearing puppy Banjo, dealing with a broken trampoline, and hosting a virtual drawing session for schoolchildren, Natty ends the episode explaining how he broke his pinky toe by walking into a cabinet.

Memorable Quotes

“They put us at the deep end of the pool… walked up behind us and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we learned to swim… that's a scary way to learn how to swim.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“He's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf… he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet… I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around… Banjo came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #friendship #nostalgia #travel #southernfood #childhoodmemories #pets #injury

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Well now I went down to Georgia for a while for about four days and now I forgot how to talk because sometimes when I go back home I just start talking like I used to talk which was kind of like this. It wasn't exactly like this but it was kind of like this and I wait a minute no that's not did I? I mean I did go to Georgia. I was there for for three days two days. It was I had the craziest trip you guys. I know you probably like bumper car. You can't just put out an episode a month. I understand that. I know that but life has been coming at me crazy fast. So here's what's been going on. Step one I had to fly to Georgia to help my best friend out. We had to clean his pants. We had to clean his parents house out. We had a I flew to Georgia and then we drove to a place called Macon Georgia. Macon Bacon. Macon Trouble. Macon Macon. Yeah I don't know um and and we we got a 20 foot uh tall. No that'd be amazing. Do you do you know that you know the difference between tall and long? Uh probably right? Like your height that's how tall you are. Your arms if you stretch them out that's how long I don't know. Hard to explain but you know when you're driving down the road and you see a big truck and it's really long or a train that's really long that's that's that's long. That's not a good description is it? Huh that's fine too. Anyway it was a 20 foot long truck and I mean come to think of it it was probably like 12 or 13 feet tall. It was pretty tall and we emptied out the entire house and we were straightening and cleaning and going room by room. And and and getting rid of stuff um because his mom moved to where he lives and so they were getting rid of the house and it was there were emotions. I had emotions. There was a lot of nostalgia. We we drove around. I've known this friend since we were four years old. I used to say three years old but he contends that it was four or five years old and so now I'm like what? Oh so I did give a little bit of ground on the three so now I'll say four. We met when we were um in swim lessons and this is how the swim lessons used to go so just get ready kids. They put us at the deep end of the pool and our swim instructor was this woman and I can't remember her name but she walked up behind us in the deep end of the pool. A four year old. Several of us and put her hand on her back our backs and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we we learned to swim and then she had this thing that she would kind of reach out into the pool and pull us back and and that's not that's a scary way to learn how to swim. I'm just gonna tell you. And so it was through that trauma through that trial by fiery water that we we bonded and we became pals and so this house it I spent more time in this house growing up than in any other house and um so there were a lot of emotions involved with that just you know walking room to room and uh they have a a separate little room it's a bonus room is what they call it oh look at this your house has a bonus room and it's above the garage and it was never finished it was kind of like a big storage area and um it has this smell and it's not a bad smell it's just like when I open the door to look in and see how much stuff I have I'm like oh my god I'm so I was hit by this smell now smell is cool for memory um like you can walk into someplace or and you can smell something and and your mind will just get flooded with all these memories where you're like I remember you know this place and you can just close your eyes and you just know where you are and it's it's just so cool and so that's how it was and we uh so we were down there and we were in the pool and we were like oh my god I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so excited we're we're packing stuff we get the truck uh we're going to all these places like to eat like you know oh remember this place let's go get food there or whatever and um one of the places i went by myself well i had a big food day which i do not recommend because my tummy still hurts where we had um barbecue and we had something called brunswick stew which is made in brunswick georgia and it's it's this stewy thing that you get at barbecue places and it's so good and after that i went and i got curly fries seasoned curly fries from this place that i really like and then after that i went to another place a fried chicken place and i didn't get fried chicken but i did get a honey buttered biscuit oh it was so good and uh an order of fried okra which is um magical thing and really one of the only ways i'll eat okra because have you ever had okra it's it can be a little creepy if i'm gonna be completely honest um i do like pickled okra but only on very rare occasions uh stewed okra no thank you too slimy too creepy you keep that over there fried okra every day my friend but i'm standing there and well first when i walk into the uh the fried chicken place you know sometimes when you go to stores people will say something like how are you welcome to my store hello customer hello friend whatever it is uh all she said and she just yelled at she she said um what are you having and i was like ah that's a lot of pressure like i want i didn't get to acclimate i didn't get to get my my feet wet but i did almost get my feet wet because about five feet to the right of the register uh where you're you know where you're going to get your food and get your stuff and she's like oh you're an expert so he's like what just friends i'm like realized that we didn't know what it was and so then we had a sir cramp and i thought to myself that i was going to get my phone bill here you know buying the stuff there's a there was a giant hole in the ceiling um where there's all these exposed uh like air conditioner pipes and there was all this water falling not even just dripping but kind of raining and it wasn't raining outside this was internal raining and there was a giant puddle on the floor so there was a there was a big pan that was full of this sealing water and then there was a big puddle on the floor and the whole time i was i like experiences and to me this is an adventure and an experience i'm getting off so i'll very soon without the trip so i'm going to maybe come back so i'll take me there now if somebody's gonna buy me a little bit and to me this is an adventure and experience and I was just like this this is what I want in the world I want weird stuff like this um and what I ended up with uh not gonna lie again a stomach ache and then that night we went to uh downtown Macon which I mean it existed as a thing but it didn't exist like this and we saw a friend and we had dinner outside and there were lights and it was gorgeous and it was the best thing ever anyway loaded the truck and drove all the way to Boulder Colorado 25 hours so far unloaded the truck returned the truck flew back home so tired but good happy right yeah and then on top of that uh my little puppy dog Banjo who's a pointer he had to go get um a little medical procedure done because he's at that certain puppy dog age he's running around the house with a cone and he's already a pretty clumsy dog right he runs into stuff but now he's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf that's like the bottom back of your leg and it hurts so bad and he's very he's not aggressive about it but he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard I'm gonna continually hit you hey guess what I'm still hitting you and it hurts a lot um but that's okay because he just loves that much right and that's a sweet thing what else is going on well our trampoline broke so that's no good because the kids go on it every single day and our neighbor kids go on it too dun dun dun how did it break well trampolines have these cool poles that go around that have a net somehow they broke one of the poles that's broken cool can we fix that I don't know oh but wait hey look we also somehow managed to put a rip in the actual trampoline okay trampoline is gone then no more trampolines so I have to figure that out and then we're gonna have a yard sale in a couple weeks and then I'm doing all this fun stuff for the school I got to do a virtual it was like an hour long draw along with my kids uh school it was like first graders second graders third graders they were and uh we we drew something for the art teacher and it was really fun and it was really it was a great time and I want to do that more often speaking of that I'm going to show you a little bit of a video of me doing a little bit of a thing more often I want to thank Jessica Sager she is our first Patreon Patreoner Patreonee person who Patreons I don't know how it works but it's fun I didn't say her name last time because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to but then I saw she's at the level I'm supposed to talk about her up and down so Jessica Sager you're the best everybody go to patreon.com slash natty bumper car if you want I'd love it I mean I love you regardless but I would super love that it'd be cool um and then this episode is called toe why because I broke my toe today my little toe my pinky toe on my right foot is that nice no how did I do that I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet and it I I was on the ground I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around like and then you know what happened of course no Rufus T. Rufus didn't show up neither did Pig but Banjo my dog he came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

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May 19, 2021
Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

Today, we get a visit from a sick little bug. I love it when we have guests – but, now I’m off to clean my equipment!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this charming episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers a sick bug in his home and decides to help rather than squish it. He has a delightful conversation with Zippy the Bug, a young bed bug who stayed home from bug school due to illness from staying up too late at bug parties. Zippy reveals he can't fly but can climb walls, and has mysteriously forgotten his siblings' names after just two days. After safely releasing Zippy outside, Natty reflects on the season of sickness, shares a story about his son sleeping on the bathroom floor, and teaches listeners about the phrase "cold feet" (or "kolde fader" in Danish). The episode wraps with Natty's ongoing saga of Popcorn the dog eating everything and an expensive vet visit.

Memorable Quotes

“We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't make any sense. We're really good friends because I made you feel bad.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I went to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #bugs #friendship #compassion #idioms #parenting #pets #health

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Zippy the Bug (Guest)

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um what's um hi uh everybody there's a little bug next to me and i don't i don't know if i should squish it or if i should take it outside what do you what do you think little bug you don't know um well what would you rather would you rather be squished or would you rather go outside and live a life on a bush or a tree outside you'd rather go outside what now why is that are you afraid to be squished yes oh well that makes me kind of sad okay well then little bug i'm gonna pick you up uh with this napkin because i don't really want to touch you and i'm gonna just gently take you all the way outside okay now what are you gonna do when you're outside you don't know are you gonna go find your friends maybe yeah what do bugs do with their

Zippy the Bug (Guest): friends i don't really know do you go to like bug parties i don't know i don't guess i don't think

Natty Bumpercar: so do you play bug games yeah i guess wait why are you you seem like a young bug why are you at home today and not at bug school because i'm sick you're sick that's so sad how did you get sick

Zippy the Bug (Guest): i think from like staying up really late

Natty Bumpercar: oh so you were out at a big bug party last night doing bug dances and doing bug prances and doing all the things that all the bugs want to do is that what you're doing yeah i guess oh well i'm sorry you don't feel good did you take some medicine yeah that's good what what is bug medicine like what does it taste like i don't really know kind of yucky yeah i guess are you gonna have to go to the bug doctor no the bug is the bug ambulance gonna come pick you up and take you to the bug hospital no whew thank goodness because i don't think we have bug insurance um so tell me a little bit about your bug life do you how is bug school

Zippy the Bug (Guest): it's good it's good what do you study in bug school

Natty Bumpercar: i don't really know you don't remember yeah oh okay i understand how is your bug teacher she's she's fine well that's nice do you have any bug friends that fly yeah i guess and do you can you fly no do you just kind of can you hop or do you just kind of scurry around i just kind of like scurry around um do you stick to walls or anything or like are your feet sticky can you like climb things yeah whoa that's good you don't bite do you no oh thank goodness oh i didn't even i don't know why i didn't ask that first i don't want to get bit by a bug wait a minute you don't ever go into a bed do you yeah i go in my bed so wait if you're in your bed are you a bed bug yeah no i don't like bed bugs they're the worst oh you're not the worst though are you yeah i'm not the worst you seem like a pretty cool bug to me mm-hmm yeah well thank goodness well listen bug uh i'm just gonna pick you up with this napkin okay so be careful don't don't move around too fast i don't want to hurt you okay all right ready one two all right i scooped you up and we're gonna walk you out side and okay bug we'll see you later okay okay bye feel better all right

Zippy the Bug (Guest): okay

Natty Bumpercar: take your bug medicine and listen to your bug parents right yeah wait real quick before you go do you have any bug brothers or sisters yeah all right what what do you have uh like a brother and sister oh really oh that's nice what are their names

Zippy the Bug (Guest): um well i really remember because like they were i was like super for like two days and

Natty Bumpercar: Two whole days? Yeah. Oh, no. And you forgot your brother and sister's name already?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. What is your name? I just realized I didn't even ask you that. Zippy. Oh, Zippy the bug. That's a great name for a bug. Oh, okay. Well, if I let you out here, do you think you can find your family? Yeah. Okay. Because I don't want you to get lost or anything. Hey, listen. If you ever need anything, you can come back and just ring the doorbell and I'll come and answer, okay?

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Okay. Alright.

Natty Bumpercar: Alright. We'll see you later, Zippy the bug. Feel better. Okay. Bye.

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Bye.

Natty Bumpercar: Holy cow, Bumper Podcast. I didn't expect that at all. We had a fun guest stop by. Zippy the bug. Love Zippy the bug. I'm sorry that Zippy doesn't feel well. It was also, I was very sad that Zippy doesn't remember the name of his brother and sister. It was very, that worries me. I hope he's alright. I think after I finish recording this podcast that I'm gonna go and check on Zippy and make sure that he's okay. When I was holding onto him, I could tell he has a little temperature and I don't have a bug thermometer or anything, but I could just kind of tell by the way he was, he seemed like he was moving kind of slow, a little bit groggy, and he just evened through the napkin. A little bit warm. A little bit warm. It's that kind of season though, right? It's the time of year where a lot of people are getting sick. There's stomach bugs going around. Oh, a stomach bug. Wait a minute. That's not that kind of bug at all. Then there's like little colds, little fevers, and all this poor, poor people getting feeling, feeling rough by my, we have Oliver who's the younger, and then Emerson who's the older, and last week Emerson had a bit of a stomach problem, and he had to come home from school and there was one night where he didn't feel good, and I ended up, we both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor because it was cool, and he said that made him feel better, and because he wanted to be in there, just in case things happened. I don't need to talk about what things happened, but just in case things happened, and we'll leave it at that. But luckily, knock on wood, he feels better, and his brother Oliver, he's done very fine, but now we got this Zippy the Bug feeling sick, so it's going around. Take care of yourself. Wash your hands. Wash your hands several times a day, and try not to touch your eyes or your nose. Keep your little fingers away from your face because that's how the germs will get in, and I don't want you to get sick. Okay? I want you to feel good because when you feel good, I feel awesome. I don't really know that. I'm assuming that. Yeah, I'm going to say that. If you feel good, then I feel good. Right? That's a good way to be. It's like if you see your friends doing well, if they're succeeding at something, if, you know, maybe if there's a school play and they get on the play, yeah, you gotta build them up because that's what friends do. You build each other up. You make each other feel good about things. I have some friends of mine and they don't always do that. It's more of a you knock your friends down a little bit and it's like, hey, man, that means we're really friends. And I'm like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't seem to make any sense at all. No, no, no, man, we're really good friends because I made you feel bad. That just seems like you're somebody who's who knows a lot about me and then uses that to make me feel rotten. I don't want to feel rotten. I'm not an egg. I don't think eggs want to feel rotten either, though. I don't want to I don't want to pigeonhole eggs into feeling a certain way. You know what, eggs? You do you. You go feel how you want to feel. Anyway, guys, this is the Bumper Podcast. I'm Natty Bumpercar and it's cold outside. I went to take the kids to school today and for some reason I forgot to wear shoes and to go from the front door into the car and then I do a drive-around drop-off and I forgot to wear shoes and I I was so cold. I was like, I wanted to cry. I was like, why wouldn't I wear shoes? I need shoes on my feet. But, you know, mistakes are made. That wasn't how we wanted to start the day, certainly, with cold feet. Have you ever heard the phrase cold feet? It's if, like, it's something that people say where if they're nervous to do something. Like, let's say you wanted to audition for the big school play, right, with your friend, but you didn't do it because you got nervous and so someone could say, oh, hey, why didn't you why didn't you go audition for the big school play? And you could be like, oh, I got cold feet. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm going to research. I'm going to do some research. We're going to learn on the Bumper Podcast. Well, did you guys realize that cold feet, it's kind of like anxiety. It's like you're having second thoughts. It's like you're feeling a little bit timid about something. Like you're almost weak in the knees about something. It's like you have reservations about something. It's, you want to back out of a situation that you're in. These are all various ways of saying you have cold feet. And so I found a definition for it. It's a phrase which refers to a person not going through with an action. You've got cold feet. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. You can have stage fright. That's another way of saying cold feet. And I don't know if I can, if I can find it. Ah, yes. This is my favorite. Here's how you say cold feet in Danish. Kolde fader. So, I think you should start saying that. Bumper Podcast Gatiers, we don't get cold feet. We get kolde fader. Why didn't you go to that big meeting? Kolde fader. Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader. That's so fun. I love that we learned something. We learned that bugs do in fact get sick and have to stay home from school and that they can in fact forget their brothers and sisters' names. And we also learned about cold feet. Kolde fader. And, you know, I think we had a nice time. Things I didn't tell you about. Well, Popcorn the dog continues to eat everything in the world. I took her to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat. And he looked at her and he looked at me and he said, Sir, that's clearly a dog. And I said, I think it's a goat. And he said, Dog. And I said, Goat. And we did that back and forth for a while. And then he said, Okay. Well then, take your dog and go. And the bill is $300. And I went to the front desk to pay and when they showed me that bill, I went to pull my wallet out and I didn't. Can you guess why? Kolde fader. Alright. Keep your feet warm. Go do what you're supposed to do. Don't get sick. Wash your hands. Looking out for you, Bumper Podcast. Looking out for you. You know why? Because you're the best.

Unknown: Thank you.

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February 21, 2020
Bumperpodcast #368 – Spicy Socks

Popcorn the dog has been feasting on socks – which leads to a bit of a kerfuffle, and to a potential business opportunity!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 368 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis when his dog Popcorn develops an insatiable appetite for socks. Aloysious J. Pig breaks the news that the puppy has destroyed every sock in the house, leading to a chaotic discussion about puppy behavior and responsibility. The situation escalates when a mysterious new lawyer named Frenchie appears on the scene, creating confusion and competition with the show's resident lawyer Rufus T. Rufus. With Producer possibly masquerading as the French attorney, the episode spirals into comedic chaos. Despite the sock-eating mayhem and legal shenanigans, Natty shares exciting news about new Bumperpodcast business cards and stickers for 2020.

Memorable Quotes

“The weirdest part was I went into her little dog house and found a stack of papers. She had actually written up a business plan for a kiosk in the mall called Spicy Socks.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Oh, hello. It's I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law.”
— Producer/Frenchie

“Don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #dogs #puppies #lawyers #comedy #pets #businessplans #competition #chaos

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Frenchie (Producer), Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: good good good good good morning good afternoon good evening whatever time it is that you're listening to the bumper podcast we greatly appreciate you being here and why well because there's 18 bazillion other things that you could be doing with your time but you're choosing to spend it with me and i appreciate that because i miss you guys i miss you guys a lot every day that i don't record i end up missing you did you miss me too hi pig hey what's going on bumpsy so here's the thing uh uh your dog uh popcorn was uh down in the basement need a laundry room and i'd like for you just to take a guess at what she was doing down the uh the basement is where the laundry is where the laundry room where the laundry baskets where the laundry chute is it's also where things are folded please tell me that she did not get into the socks she got she got into the socks you told yeah well so here's the thing uh nobody has socks anymore we are now officially a sock free house i don't know what it is she i never seen they eat no paints i never seen they eat no shirts but uh socks she's all about them socks don't matter if it's uh pig socks if it's bumper car socks uh old socks new socks red socks blue socks you see what i'm doing there huh so all gone i mean the sock is mostly still there but the uh the foot part gone the toe part gone okay but it is tubes you have fabric tubes all right excuse me uh this is really annoying like guys have you ever had a puppy and uh when they eat stuff all the time i think i've mentioned it before when we first got popcorn uh she's a little beagle black lab kind of cute kind of smallish about 33 pounds uh um she people were like watch out she's gonna eat everything and i was like i've had a dog at irving brown socks he didn't eat anything he was wonderful oh no no no no no no it could not have been more off the mark this dog eats everything uh the sofa she ate that a sofa couch how does a dog do that remote controls two of them shoes one two three four pairs of shoes two pairs of flip-flops i mean the list is never ending the socks after socks after socks after socks it's it's just too much um hmm so how do i handle this oh now excuse me i do believe that we have a predicament here why some sort of liturgy liturgist liturgitude lawyer talk speak if you if you catch my drift if you understand what i'm saying okay so i do i hmm hey rufus i do understand what you're saying but i don't think we need a lawyer right now at this point for the dog who ate some socks that's exactly what someone who would say who in fact very much did require having the services of someone who is scholastically trained in such situations as sock eating hey bump akari didn't wait rufus you actually went to school for sock eating law i didn't even know that was a thing well hold on a second maybe we do need them bump I know he can be a bit much, but in this situation, maybe he's going to be able to guide us. Maybe they'll actually be worth something for once finally, right? I don't know. Well, no. I think the answer is no. She's a dog. She's a puppy. We have to be better about putting our things away and making sure she doesn't get into places where she can eat things. I know it's hard to believe, but she's just a puppy, and we're responsible for her. And so we have to help her to make better decisions and not be in situations where bad stuff can happen. Now, as I was flipping through my law books here, I did come across a precedent-setting case of SOC law in which… The perpetrator did actually have to re-encompensate the affiliated members of the action in which the perpetration was, in fact, perpetrated. So what I'm saying is, son, now what I'm saying is, the law has spoken. Safe bump? It's that easy? The law has spoken. The law has spoken. I mean, case closed? No. I don't know. No. So here's the thing. When people… We got the puppy, and people said, oh, she's going to eat things. She's going to eat things. And then she started eating things. I started doing some internet research, and it was one of those situations where it was just like, how to get your puppy to stop eating things it's not supposed to. And it said to actually add… There was like this, a powder, right? A little spray. And it was a spray, but it was kind of dry when it came out, like a powder. And it was like some sort of hot cayenne, like pepper. And I was like, ooh, is that going to hurt the puppy? And so I got it, and I tried it. And just on a couple of pairs of socks. And she ran over like a bolt of lightning and ate… Like almost the whole sock before I could get it away from her. And the look in her eye, she was just like, yes. Yes, I do like spicy socks. And the weirdest part of that was I went into her little dog house, into her little area, and I found a stack of papers. And she had actually written up a business plan for like a kiosk in the mall, like those little… If you're in a mall and have little restaurants or little things in the middle, like, oh, you can get a pretzel, you can get a drink, whatever. She made a business plan, and it was really well written for a place, a little restaurant called Spicy Socks. So I don't know if I should… I mean, if this is her passion, then maybe I should just let it happen. Maybe I'm the problem here. I don't know. Now, of course, you are the problem, Mr. Bumpercar, as you always tend to be. Now, as far as these documents that you discovered, who exactly was the person who put them together? Because I do not understand, according to my log, that I was ever approached for such things. Oh, yeah. Rufus, you ain't heard? There's a new lawyer dude in town setting up shop. I don't know what his name is. It's like… I forget what his name is. It's like Frenchie or… I don't know. Something like that. But he seems like really good, and his rates are really good. And maybe he took over? I don't know. There's just been a lot… I'm just saying there's a little competition up in your area right now. I should ask Popcorn about this.

Frenchie (Producer): Who's… What? Oh, hello. It's… I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law. I went through all the schools, and I did all of the things. And believe me, you are in good hands with Frenchie, me lawyer. And I will protect you. And I understood the stock law. And I can do all of the things that is… Oh, hello. This is absolute.

Natty Bumpercar: My name is Rufus T. Rufus. And I have a lot of letters after my name because I have so many degrees, and they had to make them into letters. And I am the lawyer, imperate, in trans…

Producer: In trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Yes, in trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Don't you try to help me now. Well, I'm just trying to help.

Natty Bumpercar: You ain't. You're hop-stepping on my lily pad here. I'm the lawyer. I am. I am the lawyer, sir.

Producer: Now, sir, there are plenty of rooms everywhere around here for lawyers. And I am another lawyer, and I will be the helping man to the peoples. All of these peoples everywhere.

Natty Bumpercar: Pig, do you notice anything about this lawyer? Yeah. He sounds a lot like producer does.

Producer: Actually, I don't think that he sounds… …anything like me, even a little bit at all, and I bet he doesn't even seem… I would agree totally with this frog man that I don't sound anything like him. He clearly has his own accent, I clearly have my own accent, and they're very far apart. I am a lawyer, he is a frog. And I am a frog, and he is a lawyer, so he's very different. I don't think that it's happening here.

Natty Bumpercar: You know, Bumpercar, I didn't want to get back into the fray, as it were, but I do feel like I hear similarities in the voice of patterns, if you will. Maybe something I can look into as a copyright infringement. I'm going to shut this new lawyer down. Too sweet. Oh, man. All right, so what do we talk about today? There's a dog eating socks, going to open up a stand called Spicy Socks, there's a new lawyer called Frenchie, this show is off the rails. Yeah, I agree. But, here's a cool thing. We're going to figure all this lawyer-y stuff out in the back room, but neat things are happening in 2020. It's 2020, y'all. 2020. And I, we got business cards made with the podcast, and they're really cool. I'll probably post those when I post this episode. We also were getting stickers made of the podcast, and my goal for those is, is if people will listen to the show, and will subscribe to it, and will write a little review, then, you know, like give it a little rating, then that's awesome. That helps us out so much. Because as much as we… We all love getting down here and making this for you, we want other people to hear it, too. And so that's the ultimate goal. So I will let people know how they can get these stickers as soon as I kind of figure it all out and put it onto the internet webs. But anyway, I want you to know, Popcorn's a good dog. She's just a hungry dog. And sometimes puppies are going to make business plans about eating. So… That's just something that's going to happen. But what I would say is, don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans. She's… My puppy is smart. She knows what she's doing. She goes down to the local library. She does her research. And I'm… I'm here for her. Whatever she needs, I'm here for. Bumps, have you tried the spicy sauce? They are, uh, not so good. Yeah, I actually did try these things and was in the hospital for several days. I do not want to be involved with this business unless it's people suing, litigating against it. This place is going to fold like a deck of cards.

Producer: Haha, you have fallen into my trap. And that is, officially you have said bad things about my client's business. That you should not have said on the podcast. I will be suing you, Rufus T. Rufus. Get your papers ready because I'll be coming for you and taking you downtown.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, now I'm officially confused. Was that the Frenchie lawyer or was that producer? I honestly can't tell anymore. It's officially the mystery of the week.

Unknown: Okay, well, I don't like that. You're still young and you can still lose to the送 XX. Fine, I'll give you another chance. This can't be working. When has Mia been straightforwarded on? Now I have asked Maria over time. To confirm, you now personally have made a request for your son, but you still do not yet. Have you received a copy of the contract? What do we do? Yes, Music Video Coding program. We are the same agency as Rufus. And we love agenda cool. Where'sinas? This is Chris. This is Alex.

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January 24, 2020
Bumperpodcast #354 – Sleepy

Everyone is so amazingly tired in this episode. Luckily, Producer is here to help things along!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this exhausted episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and the entire crew are completely worn out from taking care of Popcorn, their new 14-week-old puppy. Producer attempts to host the show while everyone keeps falling asleep, including Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysious J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle. The episode features a hilarious succession of characters trying and failing to stay awake as they discuss the challenges of puppy ownership, from middle-of-the-night wake-ups to accidents and teething destruction. Natty ends with helpful advice about considering older shelter dogs for adoption, since puppies like Popcorn wake up as early as 4:45 AM and eat everything in sight.

Memorable Quotes

“Did you know that if you get a puppy, you don't sleep anymore? Popcorn the puppy is awesome, but she does not sleep.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I require between fourteen to sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep per day as well as three to four naps. Not a minute over not a minute under.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“The latest she's woken up is 5.19. That's too early! I'm not a farmer. I'm a sleeper.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #puppies #pets #sleepdeprivation #dogadoption #animalrescue #exhaustion #puppytraining

Featuring: Producer, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Producer: So I think that everybody is asleep right now. It's me, Producer, and I'm here to do a podcast. It's going to be a very froggy podcast because everybody's very tired and you'll see because it's the puppy dog. The puppy dog is not asleep and so everybody's super super super tired. Me, I'm a frog and so I'm used to sleeping in awkward positions and situations and so I'm very fine. I'm very springy. I'm very wide awake. Oh, hello. You all are wet. I'm so tired. I can't believe I'm tired.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, Hi Pupper Podcast. Oh man. Have you ever thought about getting a puppy? Did you know that if you get a puppy, you don't sleep anymore? You're, I, man. Popcorn the puppy is awesome, but she does not sleep. She, she, we put her in her little crate at night and then she wakes, she, in the middle of the night, she, yep, yep, you know, and then she,

Producer: um, nothing. Natty, you okay? You need to take over. Okay, you seem very groggy right now. I think probably best idea you don't do the podcast because, you know, go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Natty. Natty. Natty.

Aloysious J. Pig: Natty. Pat Pat Pat. Oh, oh, está bien. Hi, it's, me, sleepy Aloysius J. Pat. Well, I don't know whose idea it was to bring a baby puppy into headquarters here. But, I require my beauty sleep, all right? I require between fourteen to sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep. sleep per day as well as three to four naps they can be 20 minute naps or they can be 45 minute naps not a minute over not a minute under I don't get my sleep I get very very grumpy what's what's bumper got doing on the floor anyway

Producer: I believe that he is doing a little bit of snoring I'll turn his microphone off because we are trying to do a podcast right now so I don't want to bother the people okay you guys are both very tired I am not tired I am not tired no I'm not not tired okay you're tired

Aloysious J. Pig: okay

Unknown: yeah you know because I I just I'm not okay you're okay

Producer: oh no you're snoring as well I'm gonna have to turn your microphone off go to sleep okay the pig is asleep the bumper car is asleep it seems like every oh no

Doodle Poodle: this baby dog is running me wild I'm the most

Producer: tired puppy on the whole planet um yes everyone's very sleepy and the puppy probably really likes you because you're so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired you're a dog as well and so you um but you're so very tired maybe do you remember when you were a puppy and you would run around and you would probably bite everything and I don't know pee on the couch and you know the funny thing that puppies do lose toys eat a shoe um you know all these things did you do it else

Doodle Poodle: I don't think I really did any of that stuff I was pretty cool I don't think I really did any of that stuff I was pretty cool and calm puppy and I aaaaaaaaah I'm just really tired and stuff I don't even think I have the energy in me to doodle hmmmm I think I'm just gonna take a little nap and go to sleep if you don't mind alright

Producer: alright even you are going to sleep too tired to doodle I don't even know what's happening. Everybody's going to sleep. It's just me now. No one else could possibly show up. I mean, who else even is in the house, you know, who could potentially show up? There's nobody. Just my show. Here we go. Oh, you, huh?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yes, but it's our Rufus. T-Rufus. And listen, this is, as a lawyer, I gotta say, it's just incorrigible, unconceptible that you, uh, oh, man, that dog that is in the house, what's his name, Popcorn, is making me very tired, and these are not acceptable working conditions, you understand? These are not working conditions that I can work around, that I can work within, that I can be with all, that I can be with, you understand? It's just too much. I can't even practice law right now. I can't do, I can't even crack open a law book and legislate or regulate or, you know, indoctrinate. I can't do none of it. I'm just too tired. And, uh, you know what? Everybody seems, look, there's Natty over there. There's Aloysius all curled up, Big Spoon, Little Spoon. Who's that? Doodle Poodle. Now, if he's tired, you understand, everybody's gotta be super tired. I, huh, I'm gonna take myself a little nap-a-doodle as well, you understand?

Producer: Okay, so, you gonna sleep? Oh, you're coughing? Yep. You do that? Okay. Okay. I'm gonna turn, definitely gonna turn your microphone off. Okay, you're, okay, you're off. Okay. Now, we have the Doodle Poodle, Rufus the Rufus, the, uh, the, uh, Aloysius the Jet Pig, uh, Natty Bumper Cars over there, tired. You know, I'm not gonna lie, all these people sleeping and snoring over there, they're gonna be, meh, meh, meh, tired as well. Ugh, I just wanted to do a podcast, but it's very taxing. It's very taxing, it's very exhausting, and I just, oh, I'm tired as well. Ugh. You know, I think I'm, I'm not going to sleep, because I want to finish the podcast, but I just want to close my eyes for just a second and close my eyes and close… Ugh.

Natty Bumpercar: Ugh. Ugh. Hey, hey, hey, whoa, look at, would you look at this? Everybody's in the studio, and everybody's asleep. There's Producer, and there's, there's Rufus, Aloysius, Doodle Poodle, everybody. Man, I, I think I must have fallen asleep for a couple of minutes, too. Hey, everybody, it's me, Natty Bumper Car. Welcome to the Bumper Podcast. Um, I don't know what happened this podcast, because I was sleeping most of it, but I do know… I do know that having a puppy is wonderful, but it's also a lot of work. So, if you're ever going to rescue a dog, maybe consider rescuing an older dog. Um, not only because they need your love, I mean, puppies need your love, too, let's be honest, but sometimes older dogs in, uh, shelters, they get left behind because people are like, I want a new dog. Well, that old dog is probably going to sleep through the night. It's probably not going to eat everything in sight. I'm talking power cords, shoes, toys, blankets, uh, couches, chairs, cushions, stuffed animals, like flip-flops, everything, sunglasses, uh, there was a knife handle that was eaten, like everything gets eaten, which is fine, because she's teething. She's a baby. But then also, there's a lot of accidents that happen in the house, because she's not potty-trained, and we're trying to potty-train her, but it's tough, so we have little, little puddles everywhere and other stuff, too, and, you know, that's a lot to deal with, and then on top of that, she, she has a hard time sleeping through the night. She's getting better, so she's only 14 weeks old, so we're, uh, we're counting, we're counting our eggs before they're hatched? No, we're counting on her getting better and better, and we're training her to do right and to be a good dog. She's going to be a good puppy, and, uh, I love her tremendously. Popcorn's a great dog, but, uh, I mean, as you can see by everybody around here, we are broken. Tired, tired, broken. She wakes up 4.45 some mornings. The latest she's woken up is 5.19. That's too early! I'm not a farmer. I'm a sleeper. Y'all, Mumper Podcast!

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June 28, 2019