Tag: parenting

  • Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Pig sings a Christmas song, Bumpercar complains, and then a magical story is shared!

    Did you like magic? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    And now, we’re featured on the http://www.laughable.com/ app. Go get it (laughable.com/download)!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 278 of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to turn over a new leaf by singing a gentle song to the Christmas tree instead of knocking it over. Natty Bumpercar interrupts with an epic tale of Christmas tree shopping woes, involving tiny overpriced trees, pushy salespeople, and hidden fees for basic services. The episode takes a turn when Natty shares a stomach-turning dinner story about his son Oliver nearly choking on broccoli, only to continue eating mid-throw-up while his brother Emerson flees the scene. This hilarious holiday episode combines festive chaos with parenting adventures.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and I was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what I normally do”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “If I'm at a restaurant and I'm sitting there and what would you like some water I just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He wasn't even done throwing up. I don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #parenting #shopping #holiday #family #food #christmastrees #kids

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your lights are really glowing hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your ornaments are showing the presents and the stockings too i really want to repent to you oh christmas tree oh hey hey bumper car how are you

    Natty Bumpercar: doing i'm doing doing anyway huh wow i'm doing great i i liked i heard your song i was over in the corner listening and uh it's pretty creepy huh no not creepy at all come on all right if

    Aloysious J. Pig: you say so i suppose anyway yeah i made up a nice song it's my little holiday songs christmas song whatever song i'm singing to the uh i was singing it to the christmas tree so it's nice you know i was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and i was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what i normally do you know huh yeah uh so that's super awesome

    Natty Bumpercar: and i appreciate that you're trying to take a new tact with the christmas tree this year because it it's brutal having a tree here um this year was especially crazy because we uh we went to one store no and the christmas trees they were all like four feet tall they were tiny and they were trying to tell me that they were between six and seven feet and i was i'm six feet and so i was looking at the tree and i was just like am i a giant did i grow and my my wife is like oh this one it's fine and i was like it's tiny we can't have tiny tree what are you doing and the prices were more and more and more and more and more expensive too so we had to pack the kids back up which when you tell your kids that they're going to get a christmas tree and then you don't get said christmas tree because the store has tiny christmas trees and they're more expensive the kids don't understand any of that stuff and so what do the kids do they freak out what do you mean we're not getting christmas tree we were supposed to get a christmas tree we want a christmas tree like that it's it's bananas it's bedlam so the car we go back to the other place there's three places that we can potentially go there's probably a hundred but really there's three because i can't keep going after that i don't have it in me so we went to place number two last year place number two man you know we get nice pictures of the kids walking around the christmas trees it's nighttime there's little lights it's this beautiful it was kind of during the day there weren't a lot of trees because the kid was like there was just a really big rush sorry there's not a lot left a big rush all right well show me what you got show me show me what you got there's what is there's like a few kinds of christmas trees there's douglas fir there's ball balsam or something i don't know and there's see i don't know the names of the christmas trees oh man hold on what are the kinds of clouds cumulonimbus serious i don't know all the names of the clouds what's happened to my brain what are the names of the different kinds of rocks ah stalactite no i don't know anything oh no i can't remember things rain where did you go so all right anyway we get a specific kind of tree i don't know what kind it's called but i know it when i see it right and uh so we go we go to one tree and the kid's right on us too he's quote unquote helping us but he's right on us it was just like right when you walk into a store and you see a shirt you like or something and you walk over and you're just like oh look at that shirt do you want it do you want that shirt and he's like taking it out and like draping it over you you're like i no i don't know i just met this shirt all right i have no idea okay okay well and then he does this thing where he picks it up and he knocks it on the ground so that it's supposed to make it look better boom and then all the fronds and then he's like oh my god i don't know bro i don't just relax i just walk i just walk in i'm trying to make this an experience all right i'm trying to get in here walk around a bit with my sweet family look at some trees you know debate which kind we like better whatever learn the different types of this is why i don't know the types of trees because you go in and they kick you right out now i know all right the rocks and the clouds i can't explain that as much anyway last year we got a tree right it's like 40 bucks we'll say i don't really know it's kind of pricey and uh at the end they managed they managed to upsell me because i was in such a tizzy because the kids are so crazy do you want your christmas tree package and i was like yeah okay i don't know what is that and they told me they don't even know what it was like a bag and some stuff you put in the water and something i don't remember what else it was 15 what your tree has now gone up exponentially the price of it frustration but you're at that car already your family's there you've and you've already said yes to this thing and you're just like oh well now i'm stuck so this year i was i went in knowing when 10 that was weird how i said that i went in knowing that uh i was not going to be taken in such a way i was not going to be taken by the christmas tree guys so i waited for the christmas tree package thing to happen and i was like no no i'm good and then the guy goes to ring me up and uh it was i think 10 bucks more than price quoted and i was like what what happened and he's like oh yeah well you got the end lopped off and you got it uh you got it wrapped up and i was like what in my head i didn't know because i'm at a christmas tree place you can't really yell at a christmas tree place but i was like what those are things that you just do those are part of the service like if i'm at a restaurant and and i and i'm sitting there and what would you like some water i just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water or or even better oh you you what's this extra charge you're seven dollars well you used the napkin that was on the table but the napkin was there the napkin is something that you use you lop off and you put it in the the stuff the net if you're they didn't even they would have charged me to put it on my car or something or i mean i would have figured it out but like you gotta tell a guy christmas is expensive there's expenses everywhere you can't just go adding stuff in terrible so and then i had to tip the kid because he's like you guys like yeah i'm from shader cove and he was like oh yeah i'm too and then i was i was gonna tip him anyway but i felt obligated because then he knows my town he knows me he knows where i live uh yeah

    Aloysious J. Pig: bubba car crazy uh i just think it's pretty amazing that i was sitting here by myself singing a nice song about the christmas tree and uh hello christmas tree and then all of a sudden you burst in with all your vim and vigor and start yelling about christmas tree buying and uh ruining my holiday my day here i was gonna i had a beautiful story about snowflakes i was gonna talk about penguins probably i was gonna talk about uh hot chocolate like regular chocolate chocolate versus white hot chocolate i don't know if you've even experienced that but they'll put marshmallows in it sometimes and your mind is just like blown what did i just drink is this sugar milk because it's delicious i'll be having two more cups of the sugar milk please especially if you got snowflake shaped marshmallows boom give it to me give it to me now give it to me give it to me wow give it to me give it to me uh-uh give it to me one time who said what oh sorry i don't know i'm just liking this thing song today i ain't complaining like you right well fine yeah i understand yeah i got oh yeah no no no okay tell the story tell that story that's a good story all right that's a crazy story do it do it do it so uh last night we're

    Natty Bumpercar: dinner and we're eating uh the kids are eating pizza bagels like mini pizza bagels uh one's got cheese on it one's got pepperoni on it and then uh ollie had uh little uh broccoli florets florets and uh some ranch dip to dip those in dip dip and uh i don't know applesauce or something anyway so i was helping to feed him and he's cramming the pizza bagels in in in in in in and then uh he was taking care of that so it's really my job to handle the broccoli because he's not gonna put he's not gonna eat that by himself he ain't gonna do it so i thought he had sufficiently uh eaten his pizza bagel but i guess he still had some in there and so i dipped a broccoli floret into some ranch dressing and uh i kind of popped into his mouth pop and knowing full well that maybe it was a little bit too big of a broccoli floret it wasn't huge i'm not gonna it wasn't enormous ginormous but it was maybe just a little too big and so chewing and uh and my wife goes ollie you okay and he's just looking at her she's like just keep chewing and he chews and he chews and uh then like oh we're gonna say 20 seconds later he gets this look at his face and she's like do you need to are you gonna throw up and he just kind of nods his head and then he leans over his plate and just kind of spits out the broccoli oh crisis averted everything is okay right no because then everything that he had just eaten oh onto the plate it was horrifying to see emerson lost his mind ran out of the room screaming right without even taking a break with his right hand oliver reaches around to the other side of the plate and this is a small plate people to the pizza bagel that was still intact that he had not lost yet and he grabs it and goes to pick it up and goes to start eating it he wasn't even done throwing up i don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #277 – Thanks

    Bumperpodcast #277 – Thanks

    So much to catch up on. Thanksgiving, Elfie’s arrival, fear of death – and a need for love. On this weeks Bumperpodcast!

    Did you like to play catch? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    And now, we’re featured on the http://www.laughable.com/ app. Go get it (laughable.com/download)!

    About This Episode

    In this episode, Natty Bumpercar catches up after a two-week hiatus, sharing exciting updates about his painting for an ACLU benefit art show. He reflects on his evolving artistic process, from layered paintings to more distilled works with vibrant colors and textures. Natty recounts hosting Thanksgiving for 16 people at headquarters, detailing his extensive meal prep and cooking adventures, including a 21-pound turkey and homemade stock. The episode takes a touching turn as Natty describes a heartfelt conversation with his son Emerson about mortality and making the most of every day. The episode also announces Bumperpodcast's acceptance to the Laughable podcast platform.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I wanted to impress on him… you have every single day of your life to be the best you that you can be, to be the nicest, to be the most inclusive.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “There's no relax. I don't know when this ends and I want to make sure that I do everything that I can to make the world even a half of a one-tenth better.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Orange honey ginger carrots. Oh god they're so good. I'm not even joking they're so good.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #art #painting #thanksgiving #cooking #parenting #mortality #creativity

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so here's the thing bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and there's been so much going on that i haven't told you about because i haven't been here in a couple of weeks because there was there was a holiday and i got busy and i don't know so i gotta jam pack a lot into this episode i apologize for the weird laugh the very beginning i understand that was weird um man i uh i i'm in an art show uh it's a benefit for the aclu which is nice i made a painting it's got it's it's it's nice i like it it made me happy because i uh i uh i was getting down to the deadline where i wasn't you know i was like i gotta get this thing made i gotta get this thing made and so what i did was i i did the design in my head and i even made revisions in my head where i was just like oh i think this should be good i think this should be good i think this should be good i think this should happen no i think this should happen i think this this and then like i i just haven't done that in a while uh because what i used to do when i was painting especially is i would do a lot of layers uh and so like i would make a painting and then i would essentially paint over that painting and it would just be uh with transparencies and stuff it would be like a window to a window to a window into this deeper thing so you could like stare at the painting and be like i'm seeing a lot of different things uh and that's awesome and i do love that and i do kind of miss that um it was also a really good idea to do a painting of a painting of a painting of a painting of a painting also a heartbreaking and treacherous way to make paintings because sometimes i would make stuff that i really liked and it would get obliterated and i would be like but i think that's also kind of what gave those paintings uh a little bit more gravitas at least to me because there was substance behind them there was kind of not whatever but there was like destruction like because there was this nice thing like oh let's say there was a bunny right and then uh half the bunny's going away and now there's an octopus and now the octopus has kind of gone away or different colors come in uh and i would keep working and reworking the uh the structure and the layout of of the painting and until it became what it whatever it was supposed to be i guess and um and that's and that's not how i get to do it these days because i don't have as much time to spend on paintings uh and so i kind of hit a a fork in the path and i and i have gone over to where i'm making uh uh i like to say that they're distilled versions of the old paintings and what that means is i i'll take one of the layers and then uh put it on a painting like on a board or on a piece of paper whatever and a canvas and um and so instead of doing layer on layer on layer then i just kind of split the layers into different um which you're like oh but isn't that making it miss out on something well a long time ago i really thought it did but then i got to start adding stuff like patterns and i got to really start working on um where things were in the paintings and how they interact with each other and how the different colors interact with each other and um texture and stuff like that and so it's it's different but i this on this one especially i was really happy with how it turned out because like in my brain i would be like all right this is gonna go here and this is gonna go here this is gonna go okay and then it worked out and i took enough time where i i did the drawing is on a board and then i uh i was able to actually prime it so that means you put down some white uh gesso which is white paint kind of it's a base and then uh and i did that so that when i put the uh the bright colors on it wouldn't get soaked up into the wood and because sometimes if you paint on wood uh it's got you know the wood has holes where like it it's a tree and so it it sucks up the uh the the liquid and the pigment and sometimes it makes things a little bit more dull but the gesso causes the paint to be on top of the board so it's like color oh and then after i got all the color on i went through and i uh i got colored pencils and so i was able to go through and do little texture and do little lines and little you know marks or whatever to kind of give a little bit more depth so yay painting yay being in an art show very happy yay to being in a benefit i like that that's what i liked i like doing benefits uh when i do the comedy i like doing benefits when i you know it's it's nice to know that the stuff that i make is maybe helping people that makes me feel good um and then we had thanksgiving we had 16 people here at headquarters and i cooked for everybody and i i started cooking on tuesday so i was doing prep like i uh i would have i did a bag of carrots bag of onions some uh celery like anything that i could do in advance i did the cranberry sauce i did um i forget what else one or two other things but i had a lot of stuff ready oh i had uh i made like a sausage stuffing and so there was half i did half sweet sausage and then i had to break the casings for the spicy sausage and i cooked all that down uh and i put some uh white wine into it and i put it in the in the fridge so that it wouldn't dry out and then i did the other stuff and i did the other stuff out and um then wednesday came around and i worked from home and so it was like i do this thing i do uh carrots with citrus honey and wait what is it orange honey ginger orange honey ginger carrots oh god they're so good i'm not even joking they're so good and then i started working on some cornbread stuffing and then i started working on the uh the other stuffing which is like just regular bread stuffing and then i started i made some uh green beans and i blanched because those are going to go in the green bean casserole and then i cooked a whole thing of bacon uh and did some uh brussels sprouts in in the bacon grease and then uh then thursday came around and it was um the 21 pound turkey and i put butter and thyme and sage and um what else was it not parsley thyme sage rosemary uh i cut all that stuff really fine and some garlic and i put that all under the skin salt and pepper and then uh in the cavity there was uh lemons and oranges and then in the pan there was uh white wine so that it would cook up through god was so good and sad today's actually the last day for of leftovers like uh i've eaten everything else i still have uh some turkey left but and then we also so uh thursday so saturday i uh i took the rest of the turkey and i made i had this huge huge pot and i made uh i made stock which i'd never made before so here's what you do with stock which i didn't know it's a lot of water and then you throw the uh the turkey in there and i had celery i had onions i had carrots i had uh other stuff probably oh uh peppercorns black peppercorns and some salt and i let all that for a long time and uh boil and i guess it's you know soaked up all the yummy stuff and then ran it through a cool ran it through a strainer and now i've got like i would say a solid two gallons of uh of stock and i tasted it and it tastes insane so good so i'm happy about these things these are things that i'm happy about um elfie elfie has shown up at our house that officially happened this morning so hooray for that shenanigans who knows that elfie's gonna get into every year the advent calendar is up which you know means i gotta go get stuff for the advent calendar and start putting stuff in there and threatening the children that if they're not good that maybe the advent calendar won't be full maybe elfie's not gonna come he's gonna go back to santa claus and he's gonna tell him what you did what did we do you were naughty no yes the other night i was sitting in emerson's room and i was putting him in the bathroom and i was like oh my god i'm gonna put him to bed and um he he was having a rough day i guess and uh he says to me he goes i mean no i got him into bed he was he was done right and and and he was laying there and then he starts sobbing and i was just like buddy what is what's going on with you and he goes uh hey i just don't want to die and my little my heart my heart it broke right it i was just like buddy he's like and i don't want you to die and i was just like emerson listen everybody dies right as a parent i had to i wanted to immediately say you know get that out of the way this is a thing that happens this is reality this is life um but then you know once i kind of lay out this thing i said but you know you have every single day of your life you have every single day of your life that you are here on this planet that you are around your family that you are around your friends everyone who loves you so much to to be the best emerson that you can be to be the nicest to be the most inclusive to not push anyone out to not uh denigrate anyone or be mean to anyone or bully anyone you have this time that you've been given to be the best you that you can be and it was a real it was one of those moments where i i was just like i am parenting so good right now and all the words that were coming out of my mouth i could tell that he was listening to and and i just really wanted to impress on him and i think it's super important for everyone and this is where i kind of bring you know what i'm talking about because you don't have unlimited time you don't have all the time in the world um sometimes i get made fun of not me know what i've poked fun at because i go constantly i make constantly i do constantly right i'm either doing comedy or doing the podcast or painting or anything i make as much stuff as i can and they're like just relax i'm like there's no relax i don't know when this ends and i want to make sure that i do everything that i can and everything that i'm supposed to to make the world even a half of of a one-time 10 better because that's all we have hey and real quick this is natty bumper car back again first time we've ever done this a little after the scratch uh we are thrilled that the bumper podcast has been accepted on the laughable podcast platform and thank you so much we're super excited and if you have an iphone there's a great new app it's called laughable and you should go get it and look for bumper podcast look for natty bumper car uh and it's it's a good curated way to find cool uh podcasts that you'll enjoy um there's thousands of them all right so you can search for your favorite comedians on the laughable thing and it's shows that they're either on like their shows or shows that they've been guests on so do it right hooray thank you laughable let's do this oh my washer's singing a song to us thanks washer

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #276 – Ruggy

    Bumperpodcast #276 – Ruggy

    Bumpercar lays out the trials and tribulations of Ruggy are laid out to the court of public opinion.

    Did you know Ruggy? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! We’re trying to stay positive here, people!

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares a relatable parenting saga about his son Emerson and a beloved rug named Ruggy. After accidentally tracking dog poop onto the boys' bedroom rug, Natty faces days of complaints from Emerson about the soiled carpet. When Natty finally removes the rug, Emerson has an emotional meltdown over losing Ruggy, despite having complained about it for nearly a week. The situation escalates into a 15-minute parenting negotiation involving options, signatures, and the threat of Ruggy going to the curb forever. Natty also reflects on the challenge of telling each child he loves them equally, and reveals the incident may have been triggered by filming a Hershey chocolate eating challenge for their YouTube channel.

    Memorable Quotes

    “He's given the rug a name, the rug is named Ruggy, which I've never heard this rug have a name before.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I love you more than any Emerson in the whole entire world. That's how I have to get around that, because if I say I love you more than anything, then he immediately takes that as an affront against his brother.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You have two options: rug in the basement, rug gets clean this weekend, happy rug, happy life. Or if you complain about said rug, Ruggy is gonna go away forever.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #familylife #kids #dogs #cleaning #humor #podcasting #brothers

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh well if it isn't the bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and it is a good day you know why because i'm here and i'm talking to you and that's all i want to do really if i could if i had my druthers if uh if the money truck pulled up here to headquarters uh and said hey bumps guess what you can do with anything you want you know what i would be doing boom this talking to you probably other stuff too i'm not gonna lie i have to eat all right leave me alone for just a few minutes i've got tea upstairs it's waiting for me no uh how's how are you i've missed you since last week uh last week we had a special guest that was uh emerson he did a great job like afterwards i was just like that was the best because you actually there was give and take like you talked to me you did little funny bits his little whisper bit i was i loved it loved it so much so what that tells me is i am grooming the next generation of podcasters i apologize for that uh that is that is going to be on me it's my fault i uh speaking of him here's a crazy thing that happened uh his his in in in the boy's room there's a rug it's a white rug it's got circles on it uh they're kind of uh uh a really low uh not tone but color uh not not pastel quite but it's almost like they put colors like they're circles like it's like blue and yellow uh red and purple whatever and then they and then they like put the transparency on so they're there but they're kind of not there but they're it's just a nice simple rug uh and evidently someone uh my wife this is my wife she said someone was outside and tracked in what i can only assume is dog poop and there were two people in the room and they were like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're in the room when she had that conversation and she was looking directly at one of them and that one was me so she's under the assumption that i went out into the yard and uh put i think it's like six little spots of of dog poo on the kid's rug which i didn't mean to do and i was like fine i'll clean it i just hadn't had a chance emerson uh discovered the uh the soiled rug on i mean like seven days ago eight days ago and he's been freaking out ever since every single night get me away from this rug this rug's got dog poop i can't be on this rug i don't want to be near this rug why is there why is this in my room this is horrible this is disgusting and he would like make uh he would walk around like he would have to shimmy against the wall to go around and then in the morning he would scream somebody has to come get me out of this bed because i can't walk across the road and it was just horrible right every single night and every single day it was the saga of the uh of the rug so finally two nights ago uh i think i was putting him to bed no two nights i don't know who was i can't remember but i i i got infuriated i got mad and i said fine and i i balled up the rug which is tough to do because it's like an eight by ten rug but i balled it up and i took it out of the room and he was just like what what what are you and he starts like in that way that kids get when they're like they can't even process what is happening and i threw the rug into uh in the spare bedroom and uh and he was just like what would you do with my rug rug and then he screams ruggy he's given the rug a name the rug is named ruggy which i have i've never heard this rug have a name before and i was just like ruggy and he's just like why did you take ruggy away and i was just like you you're the reason i took ruggy away why i would never and i was just like you've complained about the rug for six at this point it was and for six days straight you have complained about the rug being in your room you have screamed at the rug because it has it is dirty you you you have been anguishing over this rug being in your room and so i have now removed the rug from the equation i have taken the rug out of your room what are you gonna do with it when is it gonna come back i miss ruggy i was just like buddy i am going to vacuum the rug and then i am going to use the uh wet the uh called the the rug vac uh shampooer whatever we have it's one of these things you put water in you put shampoo in you shampoo the rug that's what we have why because we have a dog and what does the dog do he makes horrible messes so what do we have to do shampoo the rugs plus they need them anyway because the house smells terrible let's be honest if you've ever been here i'm sorry the house smells bad it's not that i don't clean all the time every day it's just that the dog smells really bad and two little boys smell there's a lot of smells happening in his house so he uh he was just like you're gonna clean it tonight and i was just like no i'm gonna clean it on saturday saturday that'll take for a long time that's forever from now and i was just like that's in two days two days and he was like well what am i supposed to do if i fall out of my bed and i don't have ruggy to roll around on and i was just like i don't i think you're making problems up at this point i think that you're inventing problems at this point and he was just like like still he was freaking out this is a solid 15 minute freak out to the point where i said okay i will bring the rug back into your room i will put the rug back down so that ruggy is here and he was like okay and i was like however this is my big however however if you complain about ruggy if i hear you say one thing about ruggy being dirty ruggy is going to go to the curb and he's like to the trash and i was just like to the trash my wife is looking at me like what are you doing and i was just like no he has two options he can either i can put it in the basement and clean it this weekend which is in two days or if i bring it back and he loses his mind again it's gone because i just can't i reached the point as a parent where i just couldn't deal with it anymore it was too much he didn't get it all he heard was the rug is in the trash the rug is gone the rug is in the garbage the rug is done and i was just like no so i ran downstairs got a piece of paper got a pen drew like almost like a comic strip i was just like here's step one ruggy's in your room you're happy here's step two ruggy gets dirty you're freaking out here's step three takes the rug away now you have two options and i drew arrows from the options option one then i just laid everything out again rug in the basement rug gets clean this weekend happy rug happy rug happy life or whatever it is and option two and i made sure i had him sign off on option one as in do you understand what option one is sign here yes okay perfect we can now move on to option two option two if daddy brings the rug back into your room the rug which is still dirty i will still clean it this weekend however if you complain about said rug in quotes ruggy then ruggy is gonna go away forever it was bad parenting on my part i think uh because again all he focused on was ruggy's going away ruggy's gone ruggy's out of his life i have effectively taken ruggy away from him and he was just like you're taking ruggy away from me because you hate me and i was just like i love you more than anything and then he goes more than ollie and i was just like i can't play that game right now i love you're my favorite emerson in the whole entire world on the whole planet i love you more than any emerson ever that's how i have to get around that because if i say i love you more than anything then he just immediately he has to take that as an affront against his brother i love you more than anything more than him no like come on i love you guys equally well then you don't love me more than anything ah well then i love you more than any emerson how about that at which point ollie goes but what about me and i'm like well i love you more than any oliver ever and ever in the whole world in the whole planet more than any oliver so basically i got him calmed down ruggy was still in the other room and he woke up in the morning like nothing had ever happened nothing ruggy's in the basement right now awaiting his cleaning which will happen now tomorrow morning and then he'll go back in the room he'll be bright fresh ready for a new day a brand new ruggy for a brand new year uh and my wife was like why did this happen and i was just like i don't know and then we looked back on the events of the evening and for our youtube channel which is still happening we all we do is film stuff for it i have to film it for you i'm still learning how to edit uh we had done the hershey challenge what is that that's where you eat as much chocolate as you can in two minutes so maybe that's what happened huh

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast 271 – Off my chest

    Bumperpodcast 271 – Off my chest

    Bumpercar gets a few things off of his chest. Maybe some secrets. Maybe not!

    Do you do the secrets? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    About This Episode

    In this introspective episode, Natty Bumpercar takes three attempts to start the podcast before finding his groove. He shares a memorable story about pitching a cartoon show to Cartoon Network in LA, working with Craig McCracken, and making it to the second round of pitches. The episode takes an emotional turn as Natty recalls learning his wife was pregnant while eating Panda Express right after his show didn't get picked up. He also discusses his struggles learning musical instruments, including a ukulele that stares at him during recordings and a $30 yard sale keyboard that may have brought the flu into his house. Throughout the rambling monologue, Natty reflects on lost opportunities, family life, and a mysterious secret project he's working on with his kids.

    Memorable Quotes

    “In my mind I was just like go big or go home like you flew to LA on my dime to do this… I was rolling on the floor and I was like on the table”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “My kids made me sign an NDA. They were like listen we know you like to go on your little podcast and jibber jabber well don't you give away this idea”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “In my brain I'm like oh no I've brought the sick keyboard into my house and it's the tune of flu”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #cartoonpitching #cartoonnetwork #losangeles #pregnancyannouncement #musicalinstruments #parenting #creativeprocess #personalstories

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so here's a weird thing bumper podcast something that i've never really done i have this is the third try of starting the podcast uh the first time i started i uh i was talking about my my eldest kid who didn't want to go to school today and it was a little too depressing because he just is not liking school and so i started talking about that for a while and then i was just like this is just too depressing i don't want to talk about it and then so i stopped and i restarted and then i uh i was talking about uh the hurricane that's happening right now hurricane matthew i think it's called and uh how it's affecting the the southeast and then i went off on some tangent about this island that i used to go to as a kid uh called saint simon's island it's down uh on the georgia coast near jacksonville near savannah but then i i didn't like that either and so i actually restarted now this is the third time weird never do that i never do that uh but now i feel a little bit better so that's good i had to shake off the copper webs i suppose um so here's a today i got a notification from the old facebook and it was one of those you know on this day back in this year whatever and it was uh it was about this time when i was in la and i was in la to pitch uh cartoon to cartoon network and um and i got a call from uh craig mccracken who uh does a bunch of stuff and a bunch of other people and it was it was uh it was an amazing opportunity and i'd never pitched a show before and i didn't know how it went and there was this big pool of people that were pitching shows and um so i wrote everything up and it was completely uh unprofessional and uh it was me in in a smallish room with two guys and i was like oh my god i'm gonna pitch a show and i'm gonna pitch a show and doing the pitch to the point and so like i was acting out all the characters and i was like and then this guy says this and then this guy says this and this happens and i was rolling on the floor and i was like on the table because i was in my mind i was just like go big or go home like you flew to la on my dime to to do this you know i'd been putting all this work into this thing and i was just like this is my chance and uh so then i get an email while later and uh i made it to the second round and the second round is storyboarding and they give you uh a tiny amount of money to uh to actually storyboard the uh the project and um i'd never storyboarded them so i was just like desperate to my friends who worked out there i was just like tell me what to do how do i storyboard and uh you know so i basically i put the storyboard together and i had to fly back out to la and uh pinned it on the wall and um there were probably i would say 20 25 people in the room at that point so that this is the whole the production crew i guess the animators all people who would be invested in this and then the two main guys uh were there as well and so i started doing the same thing and you know it was like this happens and then this happens you have any questions whatever and it seemed like it went well again and um then uh i think the next day i got a call and and and i didn't i didn't get it which is you know this happens it's fine uh and it was it was depressing though because the meetings they were just like or the the call he was just like you know man it's you know it's a great idea and it seems like you know i wish you could follow up on it and i wish you lived out here and make it a lot easier to pitch this type of stuff and i was just like oh man yeah i wish i lived out here too if i because if i had if i had contacts and inroads at that point like it feels like something could have happened um so then i went to a panda express and i was eating uh some sort of delicious food they were in some sort of a garlic fest at that point which is my one of my favorites and uh my my wife calls me on the cell phone and i was pretty i was i i was pretty sad i honestly um you know i felt like i'd made it to the big game and then i didn't win the big game and uh i didn't even know if i was gonna be able to play next year and uh but she calls and i'm expressing all this and she kind of cuts me off and she goes okay guess what and i was like what she's like i'm pregnant and i was just like wait what and it was it was the weirdest way to find out that she was pregnant because i was in such a raw emotional place uh from not getting this the show and you know banding about in my head like ah do i need to move to la i live in new york now i think i live in new york then and um i it was so then i was excited about you know potential baby and uh but i was man it was just weird and so my brain was just uh splintered because it's like you know you can't just vest yourself from the emotions that you're in right now you can't just be like i'm just gonna shut this doll down and then we're gonna we're gonna just focus on this new cool thing that's that's not at least my brain doesn't work like that like it's all still there oh i'm sad oh but i'm eating panda express oh i didn't get my show oh i'm having a baby i'm in la oh what am i doing with my life it's you know it's all this weirdness oh why aren't there any clouds here ever why is the sun always out why is it so beautiful why is everyone so beautiful i have to get on a plane now and then i turned into eeyore a little bit um but it you know so then you know i moved back i'm back out here had children and uh so that kind of took away any of the time that i had to uh to pitch shows which again is fine uh but and i feel like i lost the contacts out there but i still got all still have those memories right and you know i figure eventually uh i'll have time to uh you know obviously to do the podcast and to do the comedy and to do all the other stuff that i do uh we're working on something big here at headquarters i can't even talk about it because i don't want to jinx it but uh me and the kids are actually working on something big and um it's taking pretty much forever it's so much work but that's all i can say about it without my kids made me sign an nda they were like listen we know you like to go on your little podcast and jibber jabber well don't you give away this idea because it's ours and you're barely even a producer on it so um as soon as they let me tell you about it i will tell you about it and it'll be very exciting i uh i have a ukulele that sits and this is a weird tangent i understand but it's a ukulele that sits and it's staring at it uh a ukulele that's right here and it's always right here by where i record and i got it because i was hoping because i never learned how to play the guitar that i would learn because it has fewer uh strings and stuff and i was like oh i'll get a ukulele and then i can learn how to play that and then i can learn how to play the guitar from there which i'm sure very few people go from uh ukulele to guitar but i never i'm not i just can't i never know what to do with my fingers and i re i do the instructional videos and i do i uh i think i took a class at one point that was for guitar uh but i don't i don't seem to have the the roads in my brain the uh open to to pick up on how to remember where to put your people like you put your put it on the e i'm like where's the e and then i have to look at a picture and then i have to hold the picture upside down to uh to to match my fingers and then i get confused because it's upside down and backwards and i'm like i i don't have my thumbs not on that side of my hand and uh it's depressing because i've just always wanted to be able to play the guitar or the ukulele uh and i just never picked up on it and i also i wanted to learn how to play the uh the piano and we got did i tell you got a piano we got uh at a yard sale for 30 bucks 33 a uh a piano thing and um here's the thing i brought it home it has a stand it's a you know electric keyboard uh and i downloaded the uh the manual so i can learn how to actually mess around with this thing and uh i in my brain i was just like all right let's spray this thing and i'm like okay let's down with lysol let's wipe it down let's clean it and i i forgot to do that and then the kids are all over it and then the kids get really sick and so in my brain i'm like oh no i've brought the sick uh keyboard into my house and it's it's it's the to the tune of flu so now it's down in the basement where no one can touch it until i can clean it and then i don't know where it's gonna go it's gonna go upstairs it was really fun the kids would come home every day they would play with it it was kind of nice but it was also really loud and it could get a bit annoying so maybe we'll leave it in the basement i don't know but i want to learn how to play it because it just seems like i make so many little songs uh that would be fun to uh play man this is a bit disjointed bumper podcast and here's the thing you would think that on the third try that i would pull something together that i would figure it out to be fair this is my second podcast of the week to be also fair uh i didn't do one last week so let's i'm not trying to you know blow my own balloon here uh but it's fine it's fine getting things off our chest bumper podcast we're getting to know each other a little bit better you know that i can't play the ukulele you know i used to go to saint simon's you know that my kid doesn't want to go to school uh and you know so many things about me so many secrets please don't you're not going to share them are you you're not going to wander to be like you know what i heard on the bumper podcast i heard a lot of things for instance did you know that bumper car once

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #215 – April Fools …

    Bumperpodcast #215 – April Fools …

    It’s April Fool’s Day – and Bumpercar realizes that the only person that he really tricked was himself. Is this the best day of the year or the worst day of the year? Who cares?!

    Do you like muffins or cupcakes? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this April Fool's Day episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his anxiety-filled experience planning an elaborate prank that he ultimately couldn't go through with. After spending a week preparing an April Fool's joke and scheduling it to post automatically, Natty wakes up at 1 AM in a panic and spends 40 minutes frantically undoing everything. He reflects on pranking his kids with breakfast muffins disguised as cupcakes and dresses, which doesn't go over well. The episode explores why April Fool's Day might be the worst holiday ever, though Natty does find joy in putting googly eyes on items in his refrigerator, inspired by Pee-wee Herman.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I apologize because I pranked myself basically. Hey bubba got you really did a good joke there who'd you trick me that's who”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I put googly eyes on the stuff in the fridge because Peewee Herman told me to and now every day when I open my fridge my ketchup is staring at me which is great”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I don't want this to turn into another cupcake muffin situation like I dealt with this morning you're better than that I'm better than that let's live for April 2nd”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #aprilfoolsday #pranks #anxiety #parenting #holidays #regret

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: what's going on everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and today is the first of april it's april fool's day and i had such a big thing planned and i mean like i spent pretty much a week on it got everything set up and i uh i it was it was gonna go out i had it set to automatically post in a few different places and then last night i woke up and like i well i couldn't go to sleep because my mind was kind of racing and then i uh i woke up at like one o'clock in the morning and i was just like i can't i can't go through it i just it's not worth it it's too much you gotta stop it and i had to like write it go stop the press we can't you don't do it the repercussions are too much it's just gonna be too much to deal with people's feelings can be hurt babies can cry dogs can run around in circles and chase their tails for reasons other than the fact that dogs love running around that was my lewis black i apologize uh so i got up and i was totally totally freaked out and um i had to come i came downstairs to the office here and and i just had to undo everything and then i got weird and ocd about it and when you schedule things to post in places and even if you move it over to you say i want you to be a draft now then it still says scheduled for this time scheduled for 5 38 in the morning was where one of them was scheduled and and and so i i i set it on to be a draft and then i was like i walked away and i walked back and i saw the scheduled thing i was like i'm still scheduled and and i mean it was like 40 minutes last night in the middle of the night of me undoing of practical joking myself basically hey bubba got you really did a good joke there who'd you trick me that's who the one person in world who really loves to sleep and really loves to not be awake in the middle of the night to undo something that we put a few days into doing ah so and then i'm driving around this morning and i'm like well maybe i'll put it up i'll just put a disclaimer like hey this is an april fool's trip that's stupid it's not how it works it's not it's it's just i don't know and so like then what do i do with it i just throw it away it's so frustrating so then i i started pranking here so then we we amped it down a bit and i started pranking my kids i was just like hey here's your dress to go to school today son and my kid was like what why do i have a dress i was like i don't know april fool's and he was just like that's not funny dad and then i took a picture of him and i walked into the room with uh these little mini muffins for breakfast and i was like hey kids who wants cupcakes for breakfast they freak out get super excited see that they're actually muffins and then lose their minds at me which i deserve because kids they don't they don't need that i don't need that i think april fool's might be the worst day ever i don't think it's a very nice day i mean i put googly eyes on the stuff in the fridge because peewee herman told me to and i was like that's a cute idea and here's the thing it's gonna be it's a gift that keeps giving because now every day when i open my fridge my ketchup is staring at me which is great don't know why i haven't done that before don't know why i waited till april fool's because that's more like christmas that's more like hey look the world is an amazing place anthropomorphic butter 10 butter 10 it's not 10 butter tub butter tub hey you guys want to come down to the club and see my band we're called butter tub we play funk rock fusion with a little bit of style butter tub i um all right i apologize because now i mean i've been through this entire podcast all i did was complain about april fool's don't april fool's people don't do it it's not worth it it's you're just gonna make people angry or sad or confused or whatever uh and i'm not and i didn't even tell you what i did and you know what i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it because it's not worth it because then I'll have to explain it to you and I feel like I've been explaining for the last five minutes I don't want this to turn into another cupcake muffin situation like I dealt with this morning you're better than that I'm better than that let's live for April 2nd all right you

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe