Tag: parenting

  • Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Oh no. After a successful appearance, the kids are back – and so is the chaos. Pig stops by to help as well!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by his two young sons for an unpredictable conversation that ranges from cutting down a backyard tree to imaginary dog treat pizza. The boys discuss their father's tree-cutting adventures, their recent trip to the city for a comedy show, and their excitement about joining a pool. The episode features plenty of sibling banter, microphone mishaps, and Oliver's increasingly wild stories about driving dogs and bone guns. Natty struggles to keep the conversation on track while his sons create elaborate fictional scenarios involving their dog Socks eating special pizza and breaking health codes.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.”

    — Unknown (child)

    “So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #family #kids #parenting #comedyshow #summeractivities #pool #pets #chaos

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have some exciting news the tree is gone i'm not i'm not even gonna bury the lead i'm just gonna come right out and i'm gonna tell you the tree is gone i hear feet above me which means that there are people running to be on the show which is very exciting because oh there's two people coming i can't do a podcast without you guys that's right oh boy ladies and gentlemen we have two special guests here today three i was not oh we have three because the dog came in too that is this morning very exciting i was asleep and uh the dog got away he did and i had to go save him come back the dog's now okay all right so all right the dog's gone the dog is no longer

    Unknown: on the show so the dog is scared what's the dog scared of i don't know maybe this

    Natty Bumpercar: hey why don't you put your butt right here there you go my dog what are you talking about hey is that what you're gonna talk is that what you're gonna say what he's

    Unknown: gone

    Natty Bumpercar: what are you gonna talk about were you guys so surprised yesterday when you came home went out and why were you surprised because i was here or were you just surprised that i brought

    Unknown: you home come on bo i didn't i wasn't surprised nothing happened no nothing nothing happened

    Natty Bumpercar: no or did something big happen um the backyard is not different at all oh the backyard's different daddy daddy cut the tree down no he did done done done why is that ollie why did i cut the

    Unknown: tree down why did i cut the tree down cosズ he's the cutting man, wat is the cutting man and all of her cuddys

    Natty Bumpercar: daddy is the cutting 162 00rj what does a cutting man do

    Unknown: he cuts down the tree

    Natty Bumpercar: chops down trees like a boss

    Unknown: whut, that doesn't make no sense

    Natty Bumpercar: does that mean anything to you

    Unknown: all of the cutting man no he's not no i'm

    Natty Bumpercar: he's the chopping boy

    Unknown: chopping boy and i have a little tweezer that baby snaps those branches up its my tree

    Natty Bumpercar: no you don't have a tree

    Unknown: a tree. They don't make no sense. Daddy, do you remember? When I showed you that tree, you said, be careful. No. He's going to break you. Watch out.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to switch over to here, but you can still keep talking to Emerson.

    Unknown: So, anyway. So, Emerson,

    Natty Bumpercar: if Oliver was the shopping boy, what were you?

    Unknown: I know his name. I don't want to tell.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't want to tell everybody? The dreamy. Oh, good job. That's why he broke the microphone. I told you he was going to do it. That's why we don't touch things all the time, guys.

    Unknown: Now he broke it forever? Yes, forever.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's no need to yell, because the microphone's right there. And you've got headphones on, so you can hear yourself talk.

    Unknown: Yeah, that's creepy.

    Natty Bumpercar: Remember how he just broke it by touching it?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. I remember how he broke it. So, you're still touching it. It's amazing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why does he keep touching it? Whose children are these? So, you were surprised by the tree being gone? Yeah, a little bit. I didn't show you guys the photos and videos of it, did I? Yeah, you did. Oh, I showed you at school. That's right. Here, here's what you guys can do. You didn't show Oliver. Did you show the little one? I'm going this ear. Because he didn't see the tree. There, does that work? I guess you're not talking about the tree anymore. I don't know what's happening. This is a weird episode. See, isn't it weird how you can hear yourself talk anyway? Well, it's headphones. It's not that weird. So, what else did Daddy do yesterday?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. Imagine he took a nap or something. He's making me so hurting. He's hurting. Fix the boy. You definitely didn't touch it. Take a shower. I can tell that. Oliver, I'm not going to wear the microphone. All right, take them off. I wish I could tell my story. Why are you touching the microphone? I just get excited. I don't know. I love animals really much like that. I like animals, too.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you have animals on your shirt? Why are you trying to climb?

    Unknown: Because I want to get to the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you want to stand, too? Wow, you guys are

    Unknown: out of control. They're out of control. Daddy just hit the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.

    Unknown: Daddy's distracted. Stop spitting.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you spit?

    Unknown: No, Oliver keeps on making the breath on me. What's he doing? Stop making the breath on me. It smells bad, I guess.

    Natty Bumpercar: Does it pig breath? It's just talking to the microphone.

    Unknown: Don't yell.

    Natty Bumpercar: What did Daddy do yesterday besides a tree? Something you're both excited about.

    Unknown: Is it food?

    Natty Bumpercar: Man, you guys are good at answering questions today. I'm trying. You know what? After your last appearance, everyone's excited about you being on the show. I mean, I was.

    Unknown: Stop putting your breath on me. I see the backyard. That's the front yard. Yeah, it's the front. So anyway, I want to tell us…

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver keeps on putting his breath on you. Hey, Ollie, can you stop putting your breath on people? It's so much cleaning. It smells like… Come on. He just woke up. He just ate some food. Can a dog smell a little bit?

    Unknown: It smells like rotten teeth breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ollie, do you have rotten teeth breath? Oh, no. Done, done.

    Unknown: He's going to have to go to the doctor.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now I have rotting teeth breath. Wait, is it catching?

    Unknown: Somebody smell my breath. Smell my breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to have to go to the dentist and get all of our teeth pulled. Oh, yeah, the dentist. I said doctor. No, I don't want to do that. Golly gee. Golly, golly gee. Good voice you're doing. You're so heavy. I can't hold you like this. Daddy? Yes, sir. Oliver.

    Unknown: What are you… Wait, on Sunday… Oliver. On Sunday, are we having a babysitter? Babysitter?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, on Sunday, we're having the whole family over. Who? No, come on.

    Unknown: Not all of them. It's Mother's Day.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mother is a pig. That's on Sunday, again. What's Saturday? I've said that a few times. Do we have a babysitter on Sunday? No, we do not. I just said… On Saturday? We don't have a babysitter this weekend. There's no babysitter this weekend.

    Unknown: But you said… Can I babysit?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, what day do we have a babysitter?

    Unknown: I don't know. It's like a mystery now. Oh, June 10th.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I know. June 10th. June 10th is the worst. I can't believe it.

    Unknown: I can't believe it.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. That would be the worst thing ever.

    Unknown: The worst?

    Natty Bumpercar: Why would you say that? Oh, my goodness.

    Unknown: Then Mommy would never see you again. That'd be so sad.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Mommy would cry.

    Unknown: Could I have his bed? I'm joking. That was a hilarious joke.

    Natty Bumpercar: Never mind. Guys, where did we go last weekend? We went to the city. And what did we do?

    Unknown: I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.

    Natty Bumpercar: I did jokes and you guys came? You went to a show? Did you have fun?

    Unknown: Comedy show? Maybe.

    Natty Bumpercar: Maybe.

    Unknown: Socks came too. No, he did not. Yes, we did.

    Natty Bumpercar: Was Socks in the back seat of the car?

    Unknown: Yeah, probably. No, he wasn't. No. Oliver ate… Socks ate pizza. Oliver ate pizza. Why did he eat pizza? Because he was sneaking in.

    Natty Bumpercar: You ate pizza because you were sneaking in?

    Unknown: This is ridiculous. Socks ate pizza with me.

    Natty Bumpercar: You guys went to a pizza parlor together?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: What kind of pizza did you get?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Cheese pizza. What kind of pizza did Socks get? Dog treat pizza.

    Unknown: There's no such thing as dog treat pizza. Dog treat pizza. That sounds yummy.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's only for dogs. It's my favorite kind though.

    Unknown: That smells yucky. Dog treat pizza? Depends on what they're on. It's only for dogs. So if I went into a pizza place and I ordered a dog treat pizza, they wouldn't give it to me? No way. Only for Socks.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, man. What if… So I'd have to have Socks next to me. Or maybe I'd have to pay Socks to buy the dog treat pizza so that I could go outside

    Unknown: and eat it. How are you going to pay the dog?

    Natty Bumpercar: He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. It tastes like poop dogs. Ew. Dogs don't eat that. That sounds disgusting.

    Unknown: There's no way. It tastes for people. It's only for dog treats for only dogs.

    Natty Bumpercar: There is no way that the health code is not being violated by him selling dog poop.

    Unknown: There's no way that they're going to let him do that.

    Natty Bumpercar: They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog.

    Unknown: They didn't even let me in restaurants.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you sit next to him while he ate that pizza?

    Unknown: And I ate mine cheese.

    Natty Bumpercar: So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?

    Unknown: It doesn't make sense. No. It's the dog treat pizza. Then I'll try it. I drove Socks back here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you drove the dog back here? That doesn't make any sense at all. You can't even reach the pedals.

    Unknown: That kid's going straight to jail.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're so tiny. you said door to open the door how did you get out of the car like a delinquent uh-oh i had a gun

    Unknown: he had a what what in the world what are you teaching these kids

    Natty Bumpercar: i don't even believe what i'm hearing right now this is not my ollie this is not who you are you do not move out drive dogs around with guns that you shoot to the pizza place that's too much no

    Unknown: i got out how i got out i got a gun and he got out come on did you break our car do you think mommy's gonna like you talking no she ain't like no not even a little bit if you if you push you down there what are you gonna push people down what what now what are you talking

    Natty Bumpercar: about that's the second time even on the show and you've done uh an infringement of copyright that we cannot you can't afford

    Unknown: it's batman i see batman little one's leaving i see batman everybody what is he talking about batman the bobblehead oh he's over there and i have and i have and i have a star wars guy what is it's like a real divergence that's a good transition i'm glad that we went from the and he has a bone gun a what he has a bone what is a bone gun i don't even know what words i mean

    Natty Bumpercar: it's like a bone gun does it shoot bones so did you emerson did you go to the city as well yeah and what was your favorite part

    Unknown: we go with everything i don't know well i mean did you like the show the whole experience i like the show and i liked everything were you embarrassed no i would be embarrassed scared no did you like

    Natty Bumpercar: that they put daddy up first yeah i wish i would have put me up first that's okay um and then we came home right and we played a little bit we've been playing we've been scootering right

    Unknown: we were scootering yes you guys been going outside all the time in the front driveway

    Natty Bumpercar: well that is true thanks thanks thanks for backing me up on that one that one's true

    Unknown: but uh the pool i wish i could have told a story oh yeah the pool but it makes so much more sense we joined the pool yeah yeah yeah which means

    Natty Bumpercar: but you're not gonna bring me what is he saying ollie that is not polite what is this kid on we're gonna go as soon as we can oliver not polite sir uh whenever whenever the pool joins then we i mean whenever uh words words are you gonna bring socks to the pool

    Unknown: you know there's no dogs allowed i i trust you but there's a german shepherd one no it wasn't at the pool no no that was at the mystery icon

    Natty Bumpercar: whose friend who's whose dog was that who's friend of yours um me it was michelle's dog and his name is name is michelle's dog and his name is michelle's dog and his name is Dog and his name is name zoo name and name

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #294 – Laser Lightning Pancakes

    Bumperpodcast #294 – Laser Lightning Pancakes

    Lasers – Lightning – Explosions – Pancakes! It’s a hyperactive and hyper-short edition of the Bumperpodcast!

    Do you eat breakfast? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    This is a ‘Laser Lightning’ version of the Bumperpodcast – which is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this lightning-fast episode of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar attempts to deliver what he calls a "laser episode" – promising explosive speed and brevity. After getting tangled up in his own time measurements involving eye blinks, hiccups, and heartbeats, Natty settles on a three-minute runtime, harking back to the podcast's earliest days. The episode takes a chaotic turn as he shares a morning breakfast struggle with his kids, who torment him by jokingly suggesting they eat the dog, then bacon (much to the distress of his friend Pig), before finally settling on pancakes. It's classic Bumperpodcast mayhem packed into a bite-sized format.

    Memorable Quotes

    “this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #time #breakfast #parenting #sleep #shortepisodes #chaos #kids #food

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: this is what i like to call a laser episode of the bumper podcast it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers lasers lightning lightning lasers lasers explosions like that like what i'm saying is this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes i don't know how often you blink your eyes because i've never hung out with you maybe but i'm guessing that you blink your eyes wait did i say it's gonna be i forgot okay i got excited i can't remember if i said that it was going to be shorter than an eye blink or longer than in between it let me think because if you do that logically i mean i blink my eyes i another time there i blink my eyes a lot okay so it's not gonna be as uh short as as as quick punch as in between eye blinks because that's it would be over already and that'd be done and that episode wouldn't even make any sense to put that wouldn't even be like a promo that wouldn't even be like a teaser so it's not i think i need a new uh system of time uh counting that sounded very scientific uh let's see uh so eye blinks are out what other uh hiccups how often do you hiccup no that's going to be too long because you if you go like a week without hiccup i can't do a week-long episode they're they're not gonna let me upload that uh so heartbeats again no uh how about this this episode this laser lightning laser lightning laser lightning explosion episode of the bumper podcast is going to be about three minutes long that's right we're taking it back to how long the episodes were when we first started doing the bumper podcast not for all the episodes but just for this one because it's an episode how are we supposed to deal with that how are we supposed to live with that when there's only 30 seconds left fine i'll tell you something this morning i got up my kids didn't know what they wanted to eat for breakfast it was the first night in a week that they have let me sleep through the night which is amazing i feel like a million bucks and i said what do you want for breakfast i don't know well what do you want do you want this that this that this that this that they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me by saying they wanted to eat the dog i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend and then we decided you know what they were gonna eat pancakes

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #291 – Weekend Special

    Bumperpodcast #291 – Weekend Special

    A little weekend special about twitters, and this, and that. Also another special guest pops in at the end!

    Do you like weekends? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this special weekend edition of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar apologizes for missing last week's episode and shares his exhausting adventures in solo parenting. While his wife attends a conference, Natty deals with sleepless nights caused by his children's sniffles, including a heart-stopping 11:30 PM wake-up call that left him completely disoriented. He also discusses his experiments with Twitter engagement, a relaxing dentist appointment (complete with cavity concerns), and his attempt at live-tweeting his two-hour bedtime struggle. The episode features a surprise guest appearance from one of Natty's children, who shares stories about rock climbing with an auto belay system and visiting the pool.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I honestly thought I was having a heart attack because I was so deep asleep and I was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish… and he screamed and I hit the ceiling.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “In my house sniffles are almost like the end of the world. When one of them has sniffles all bets are off—there will be no sleep, no peace, no happiness, no joy.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity, I'm a cavity creep. 2017, can't we do something better about cavities? UV lights? Lasers?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #socialmedia #twitter #dentist #rockclimbing #children #familylife

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Natty Bumpercar's child

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and it is a weekend edition a surprise weekend edition because i blacked out and completely missed last week and i don't know what happened but i was just like i've got time i miss i miss i miss my peeps i miss my peeps you guys are my peeps we don't want to be your peeps well too bad you're my peeps hey what up peeps that's a hard p p peeps i uh i i had a weird fun week so i uh one thing i i'm just gonna run through my list of cool things i uh i i tweeted i tweeted a tweet and um it got like all these uh likes and retweets and stuff and i was like interesting and so then a couple days later i uh i tried again i went out and i i i followed the same scenario uh whereby i found a very hot twitter uh twitter tweet that a lot of people were interacting with and liking and retweeting and i put a pithy comment into that and uh this is because it had worked before and uh it got 450 likes and uh 50 retweets and nothing you know no one no followers that doesn't happen that's fine uh but it's neat to see uh how things work or don't work you know depending on your view for me i was just like oh this is cool all these people like stuff my phone is blown up blown up so then last night uh the wife has been away she's been in a conference that's been me and the kids and uh they don't sleep necessarily she left on thursday at uh she she was up at 4 like 15 in the morning it's been i was basically up at 4 15 in the morning uh and then she left at 508 at 5 12 the kids got up that's early that's an early early time to wake up um and then that night uh the kids had a hard time going to bed this is thursday night and then one of them woke up screaming ah at 11 30 at night i had been asleep at that point for 1.5 hours an hour and a half and he screamed so loud and so that i was up i thought i i honestly uh and i don't say this often i thought i was having a heart attack because i was so deep asleep and i was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish we'll say uh and right when something terrible was about to happen so i was already a little bit amped up in my dream and screamed and i was like oh i hit the ceiling i got i ran i was so out of sorts and confused and i was just like what what's going what happened what's the matter he's just like i've got sniffles it's like what sniffles in my house are almost like the end of the world when one of them has sniffles all bets are off uh there will be no sleep there will be no peace there will be no happiness there will be no joy because sniffles are in the house so i had to gather my myself gather my brain and then i went and i found some of the that vapor rub so i sm i slathered that all over him which then causes a freak out because he doesn't like stuff being slathered so like lotion uh you know soap whatever conditioner in his hair that oh it feels weird ah but you know you can't breathe let's put this on you we'll see what happens you're good to go wasn't enough was not enough uh so we're trying to blow nose not experts at blowing noses yet uh so then i run downstairs and i get some uh some medicine now we have a couple of different uh kid medicines they're all homeopathic stuff uh so one of them has melatonin in it it's like dark honey and uh echinacea and melatonin whatever and it's supposed to like soothe the throat and help them sleep but the thing was by that time it was already 12 15 and i didn't want to give him that because if it forced him to sleep he would have to go to sleep and then he's not gonna get up in the morning and he's got to go to school can't miss school for a sniffle uh excuse me mr bumper car why wasn't your son here at school today oh well he had the sniffles oh really bring him in now please so i knew i couldn't do that one and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the dark honey i don't know why everything's dark honey what's dark honey dark honey it's like dark matter it's like the bees no dark honey exists and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the but they can't quite find it well it's in my medicine cabinet so and he's not a huge fan of the of the dark honey to be honest but then there's another one that is more for uh for congestion and for sniffles and so i got that and here you go and then about an hour later he went to sleep that point i'm pretty i'm pretty wide awake all the adrenaline is you know still flowing so from 11 30 12 31 about 132 i get back to sleep good for me uh six o'clock they woke up which was nice that's that six o'clock is late it's perfect i was a little tired though friday was a little bit of a tired day for me luckily uh i had a dentist appointment in the morning so i took them to school came home and uh kind of just sat partially comatose in the corner until it's time to go to the dentist and then i go and i you know what i do i i rest i nap dentist for me so far knock on wood has been a good experience not a horrifying bad scary experience let's keep that up teeth let's keep it up although they did take x-rays and they were like you see this that shadow is the beginning of a cavity i was just like oh no i don't want any more cavities i look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity i'm a cavity creep can't stand them disgusting 2017 can't we do something better about cavities i don't know uv lights lasers i don't know so but the dentist was fine so the kids the kids were good so i tell you that story because then last night uh they went to their their their their uh grandparents house that night uh which left me friday night to have a lot of fun do a lot of things like you know cleaning laundry falling asleep at 9 30 what whoop whoop whoop whoo like that um and then saturday i got up and when i went up to pick them up and uh and last night i could tell we were in for a night we were in for a real night because they were kind of a little tired a little overtired uh but the sniffles were still there the sniffles were there in full effect i'm not gonna lie the sniffles were they were serious business and so i i was just like all right we're gonna do everything now we're gonna we're gonna give you medicine we're gonna slather we're gonna blow some teeth and we started to go to bed at 8 12 i got them upstairs day 12 we brushed teeth we got into pajamas uh laid down i was in the room for two hours trying to soothe everyone trying to calm everyone trying to get everybody to go to sleep one of the kids and so what i started doing i had a fun time with it so that i wouldn't go crazy is i uh i live tweeted it and i was trying to i would read about threading tweets which is where you like write a tweet and then you uh reply to yourself but you cut out the name and you put the your new tweet in so it becomes like this uh a string like a thread and uh i it was fun i did like 16 of them and i it was you should go read it whatever my way uh natty bumper car twitter and um but then i think i read i think i might have done it wrong i wasn't threading properly i improperly threaded uh because i'm new to this i wish i would have known more but i was i was in a bit of a hurried state a harried state as well hey what's going on you want to talk now you don't want to talk uh we got another uh two minutes i was telling the story about last night how you're uh you had the sniffles and how you had you woke up oh and then last night once i got once i got them to bed i was asleep and at 11 30 again the door opens their bedroom door opens and it was you no it wasn't then who was it i don't know oh and you know who was by the door oliver's bear barry he was right by the door do you think he opened the door i don't know it was exciting though oh you want to listen okay we got new uh covers for the earphones don't those feel much better the old ones were like 10 years old and they were they were the old uh foamy foamy things that touch your ears they were yucky they were yucked down well these are the same headphones but these are new pads you'll see that the foamy the foamy are you coming over so i guess we're gonna have a special guest right now oh okay let's not pull everything down though so uh there you go what's out nothing there you go you want to tell a story um no okay well this you have been a great

    Natty Bumpercar's child: interview what did you do today you went to the pool what'd you do with the pool and then we uh went rock climbing rock climbing that doesn't make any sense yes it does where'd you were there mountains no was there snow on the ground no how is that possible climbing on rocks it was a big wall and there was this rope thingy to make us go up and if we fall it makes us go

    Natty Bumpercar: down all the way kind of like a parachute right yeah so like it uh it's called an auto belay an auto belay doesn't it sound very fancy yes and how far up to the top did you get

    Natty Bumpercar's child: all the way you got all the way up to the top yes what was at the top of yours i can't remember

    Natty Bumpercar: mine had mine had a monkey thing mine had a fire truck wait really yeah that's cool

    Natty Bumpercar's child: did uh ollie do it too no why not why not i don't know uh what are you doing tonight you got any big plans no no big plans

    Natty Bumpercar: uh you got a babysitter though right yeah what are you guys you guys gonna have a big party

    Natty Bumpercar's child: big fun time yeah probably probably

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #290 – Yeti

    Bumperpodcast #290 – Yeti

    Yeti stops by to talk about all of the snow, Bumpercar offends him – and then catches you up on all kinds of fun stuff!

    Do you like snow? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this winter-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar receives a visit from a mostly silent Yeti who delivers bad news about more snow coming. Natty vents about dealing with blizzards, snow days, and cabin fever with his kids, who lasted only 15 minutes playing outside before retreating indoors. He shares the family's preparations for catching a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day using an elaborate cookie-baited trap, revealing his son Emerson's newfound obsession with getting rich from leprechaun gold. Natty also discusses his painful journey learning guitar for an upcoming kids' show, culminating in a mixed reception from his children when he attempted to perform "If You're Happy and You Know It."

    Memorable Quotes

    “Children see snow and then they're like I want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like maybe this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that I loved more than anything because it was a mistake but I wasn't gonna correct him on it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Emerson has become obsessed with being rich and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work, is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #winter #snowday #parenting #stpatricksday #leprechaun #music #learningguitar #familylife

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and today in studio we have a very special guest i think that's it's it's yeti a very talkative yeti hey yeti how are you doing what are you doing today what are you doing in your eye i just ran out of breath okay yeah yeah okay i get it yeah well so uh yeti is here because we had a giant snow blizzard a thing last week and or two days ago i guess and the ground is still covered in snow and i'm guessing that you're you're here to tell me that this is the last snow of the season right we're not getting any more snow please is that what you're please please please telling me oh come on really when this this weekend okay so evidently this weekend we're gonna get more snow i'm so sick of snow i'm so sick of winter i don't like it i don't like it i don't like it at all i don't like it one bit no i'm not talking about you i'm just saying winter i'm just saying winter in general yeti i love it when you come around i just can't deal with all the winter just come on buddy all right you know what i think what would make you feel better is if you went outside and played in the snow does that sound like a good idea does that sound like something you want to do does that sound like something like maybe you think you would like to do okay well that sounds okay yes exactly okay bye yeti thanks for stopping by wow that was exciting guys because he said that this weekend is going to actually be the last bit of snow and it's not going to be that much snow it's going to be like an inch or two so that's going to add on to what we have already there will be snow drifts there will be children crying going outside because they see snow children see snow and then they're like i want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like baby this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face and my hands oh now i'm wet well then i'm really gonna cry because not only am i am wet but i'm also freezing cold that's the reaction that my children had uh two days ago um let's go outside let's go outside it was like we can't go outside it's a blizzard you don't go outside in a blizzard like you don't we do you see you can't see out the window because it's all snow it's a whiteout you don't go outside in that uh which leads to pretty quickly leads to cabin fever which means your kids are just really just running into each other and running into things and falling over and freaking out all day um you know i understand the schools need to close every so often but why oh why and then so we did we went outside i don't know maybe uh 10 30 and uh played for a little bit and uh i think they lasted 15 minutes and it was good running around for 15 minutes and then the little one was like i don't want to do this i was like go back inside i'll shovel but in the big one he kept on grabbing chunks of snow and throwing it back to where i just shoveled and i was just like stop stop doing that stop daddy just i just i just and he was like i know and i was like no then why are you come on so it was good fun i um and then the next day delayed opening the bane of all parents in the world delayed opening so wait that means you're still going to school which means you're going to freak out about going to school but it also means that you're hanging out here with me and freaking out for longer abu abu but that doesn't matter snow day good time we actually had fun we played games we played chess uh pieces were thrown we uh had we had treats sweet treats like cookies and we uh built a box so here's a cool thing this week is uh saint patrick's day week i guess that's maybe i don't know when it is this week and uh i guess it's it's a relatively new thing where they try to capture the leprechaun and it's become a whole ordeal so we had we built a box and we decorated the box and it's it's a trap for the leprechaun and um that's terrible i understand that i haven't you haven't really changed your voice at all for this character okay and so this is very difficult fourth wall uh however i knew that you have a trip for me and i will not be coming to your trip so the leprechaun out okay well so i guess that was a leprechaun that just stuck his head into the studio that's what we're gonna assume that's we're gonna we're gonna pretend that i guess it's difficult to do uh accents and funny voices at the same time perfect that's fine but we did we we built a uh a leprechaun trap and um this year was actually sad because this was the first year that emerson he used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that i loved more than anything because it was a mistake but i wasn't gonna correct it on i wasn't gonna correct him on it and so it was just um he's like we're gonna catch the clover this is last year we're gonna catch the clover where's the clover gonna be is the clover gonna come the clover does shenanigans and i was just like the clover does shenanigans that's i make me that makes me happy um but now we're catching leprechauns and that's fine because it's still fun so we built the uh we built the box and the way the it works is we have it's it's a classic trap it's a box it's going to be up on one on one side it's got two sticks coming down on the front so it's kind of you know holding it or maybe one sec i think we'll do one stick so it's kind of uh positioned it's just balancing there inside the trap there's going to be a plate on the plate there's going to be a cookie uh probably a green like a shamrock cookie we're going to tie string to the uh to the shamrock cookie and we're going to tie that string to the little post that's holding the box standing up theory being that when the leprechaun grabs the cookie to eat it because how can he not so it's a shamrock cookie right there he's gonna pull box is gonna fall boom we got the leprechaun and the goal being when we capture this leprechaun he's gonna take us to his pot of gold emerson has become obsessed with being rich uh and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work is not doing well in school and and moving on in life no no no my friends the best way to get rich is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins so i will update you next week on what happens i'm very excited i'm very nervous about what could possibly happen in my house this morning he when he was going to school this morning he was just like saint patrick's day is tomorrow and i was like i know that means we have to set up our trap he's like yeah the trap like he was really into it he was really excited so that's that's big news other big news around headquarters i uh i think last week i was telling you that people are having me asking me asking me to work on uh doing a kid show and so i i part of a kid show that i'm doing is to do a couple of songs so i wrote one song so far and i got the idea for another one um and but i need a guitar i need to learn to play the guitar i've been trying to do it for 20 years and i couldn't do it and so over the last few days like 20 minutes a day sometimes even more uh i've been trying to learn guitar and oh my fingers hurt so bad on my uh what is this left hand my pointer finger my ring finger and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my left hand and my right hand finger the tips of them they hurt i didn't know that i'd heard oh it's gonna hurt a little bit no it hurts a lot bit and now every time i touch anything my fingers are like oh i hope he's not making us play the guitar but i'm not i'm just standing i just put my fingers down it just hurts but it's cool man this is the first time so i figured out all these chords there's like uh wait well first let's see it's e d g b i forgot how the strings go well here's the chords i learned and i learned an e chord an a chord an e minor an a minor a g a d a c a d7 a d7 what so i've started to figure all these chords out and the more i do them the more my fingers seem to kind of know what they're supposed to do um and then so last night what i did was i was like all right let's try to take all these things that i'm starting to figure out and then let's put them into a song and so what song did i figure out um i went i went and i went i went and i went and i found the chords for oh if you're happy and you know it so it's like a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum like that and um so i practiced that a lot last night and then this morning i got up and i practiced it a few times and i was like kids gather round and uh which for them means that they have to they pretend they're their jackets like they actually get on me and they hold on like their coats like i've made like i'm cruella deville making coats of my children for me and i was just like no no no back away back away dada has something amazing to show you and they were like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and they were like no and i was like the strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum actually it wasn't like that it was like strum string string string and ollie got excited emmer was just like no no no and i was like please emmer was just like no no no and i was like please

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

  • Bumperpodcast #289

    Bumperpodcast #289

    Bumpercar talks about shows and opportunities and stretching thin and stuff on this week’s episode …

    Do you stretch? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 289 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns solo after the popular Ollie episode to share tales from a wild comedy weekend. After accidentally putting flour in his tea instead of sugar, Natty recounts performing three shows in three days, including hosting at Pennsylvania's oldest operating movie theater and bombing at a show with only three people in the audience. He celebrates finally connecting jokes that have been in his act for years and discusses exciting opportunities to develop kids' shows, though he's struggling to learn guitar for the performances. Natty hilariously wrestles with balancing family life, show business, and whether his multiple creative pursuits are spreading him too thin.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Let me be the tester, let me take the heat, let me take the bad stuff and you stay away from it. You don't need that flour tea at all.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “There were three people in the crowd and I'm like, is it a good dream? And I'm like, I don't know. Yes it is a good dream, you know why? Because I get to talk and make people giggle giggle giggle.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've been trying to figure out how to play guitar for decades. I can't even say the word 'guitar' – that's how bad off I am.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #comedy #stand-upcomedy #performing #kidsshows #guitar #work-lifebalance #parenting #theater

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: good morning bumper podcast that was so fresh and happy and energetic good morning it might not be morning where you're listening i don't know hey good day to you bump good evening to you this is hard this is harder than i expected it was gonna be good good good good times do you bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and it's the bumper podcast and hooray for that unfortunately there's no ollie here today because everybody loved the ollie episode episode they're like oh give me more of that ollie give me why isn't he there every week i wish it was the ollie podcast well it's not it's still the bumper podcast and i'm natty bumper car and today today i was making some tea some lovely tea and uh the containers were switched and i accidentally put two scoops of uh of flour uh all-purpose flour ap flour they call it into my tea two scoops and uh instead of sugar and no no no no nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope not good i mean i didn't taste it i mean i knew immediately like the second i was like and i looked at i was just like like for a tenth of a second in my brain i was just like maybe it's powdered sugar maybe i've maybe i've invented some sort of powdered sugar tea thing because it's weird powdered sugar to me does taste different than sugar sugar how can sugar taste different it's all the same thing how can potato chips taste so different from mashed potatoes i don't understand oh what's that potatoes on grass oh that tastes totally different than my french fries my friend what about those pierogies or those latkes huh potato pancakes oh well those taste totally different than my uh my uh hischbruns i couldn't think of any other potatoes no but so uh yeah it it it just tastes like flour tea it's just it's not it's bad don't do it don't make that mistake let me make bumper podcast here's the thing i feel like we've been friends for a long time and i feel like i share and i feel like you know you listen which i appreciate and uh here's the thing let me be the uh the tester let me you know take take the heat let me take you know the bad stuff and you you stay away from it you don't need that you don't need it at all just let me you know do it and then complain about it and then it's a shared experience and you can go and you can talk to your friends and you can be like bro i totally blur blur blur like that um and then you don't have to worry about it so good good made your life easier that's what i'm doing that's what we're here for to do for do that's what we're here for do we're here to make your life for easier i um i had such a great weekend man i had man i did uh i had i had show friday and uh it was at a hotel like in a room and like 70 people it was just it was good it was fun and then the very next night um i opened i was uh but i was hosting at a theater in pennsylvania and it was like this old theater uh someone told me it was the oldest operating movie theater in the country it's called the new town theater and there's like i don't know the seats 320 and i think we had around 270 to 300 something like that i don't really know um and i mean it was it was great i don't get to do a lot of theaters and so it's a totally different experience like you go on stage and you're i don't know 10 12 whatever feet away from the crowd and you're elevated and the lighting is different and the sound is different and sometimes it's it's hard to hear them uh the the laughs come in if there are any which unfortunately yes fortunately uh there were there were laughs thanks for laughing uh and then um you know it was just it was a great night the rough part it was about an hour and a half away uh so to get there was i was just like oh tired and then you got to go up and do a show and then you got to drive home and it's late like i pretty i think i got home at around two and then uh i think i slept until like six so that's a big four hours of sleep for you and the night before uh i think the kids had gotten up at like 5 20 or something like that why uh and then sunday night had another show so it's three in a row boom bam boom and uh sunday night no it didn't work out so well there were three people in the crowd three people there was talks of uh the show but that's hard to do because all the comedians have come out you know and those three people are there um and so we kind of just turned into a loosey-goosey open mic-y type thing and had fun with it and then two people showed up like halfway through the show and watched um but you know you have good things you have bad things you know things happen it's it's all good fun it's all good times and you know everybody needs a stage time everybody looking at me needs the stage time so it's good to uh to get up there and bibble babble oh and this so uh at the uh the saturday show uh i had done a bit so so i was doing i was hosting so i was up front and then i was in between the comics and so and in between a lot of people got up to go use the restroom or whatever and so i had to um kind of stall for time a little bit to make sure they could all get back and sit down before the headliners start right makes sense so i did some stuff up front and then when i hit the middle i found connective tissue between what i was doing in the middle and the stuff that i had done up front so i could call back to it and i was so happy because i've been doing these jokes for a long time and it's just weird like for they just had never connected and then on this night it was like boom so then sunday uh i think i did i only did like four minutes because i wanted to get up and see if if it worked together and i wish i could i wish i could remember what it was uh but you know so i just quick ran through the setup and then uh the initial part and then went to the second secondary part and then did the little connection and i was like oh i'm so happy it works of course the three people in the crowd were like does it work though and i'm like i don't know they're like this is your dream and i'm like sure this is my dream they're like is it a good dream and i'm like i don't know yes it is a good dream you know why because i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to make people giggle i make them giggle i make them giggle giggle what i make them giggle like it i giggle giggle and the cool thing is lately i've had several people come to me and talk to me about doing kid shows hey maybe you want to do a kid show here hey do you want to do a kid show here and i've done a few kid shows and um in the past but they're talking about like hey it's going to be your show you're going to be the main guy you're going to be the headline or whatever which i don't know if there's a headliner in kids shows i'll take it sure i don't know if it is uh and and so what i gotta do now is develop specific material for a kid show because i i tried some of my normal stuff and it doesn't always work and so i've been trying to learn how to play the guitar i have my guitar and i've been pulling it out and trying to and it's hard i'm not i don't know why ever since college i've had guitars and i've tried to figure them out and i think it's not a figuring out thing it's just a matter of um actually working on it and i've been trying to figure out how to play the guitar and i've been working with it a lot and i've got like i think my fingers are too big or my guitar is too small like i've got it's it's kind of a tiny guitar i can't oh it's upstairs i was gonna tell you what it was and i love how it looks and it's so fun and cute but i think it might be too tiny for me and all the guitar lessons that i look at online the uh there's like a little circle thing that they're using as a uh visual point to a reference point and it's just mine's in a different place and i don't know what to do i don't know i feel like if i uh sat down with somebody who can play and they showed me things then maybe i could figure it out but it's not true i mean i've really for a long time decades been trying to figure out how to play good car good car i can't even say the word that's how bad off i am good car um but i want to so i want to have songs and i want to have visual stuff and like figure out little games because with kids you can't just tell jokes because they're going to be like nope sucker so i need to figure out how to play guitar and i've been trying to figure out how to play guitar now we're doing this now we're doing this and still have it be quick and moving and keep them engaged and here we go over here and now we're over here and now this thing is happening now that thing is happening oh now there's pig and everything oh and now we're singing a song um and i think it'll be great and i think it'll be great fun the only downside the thing that freaks me out is the kid shows are going to be during the day during the day on weekends um i'm pretty busy on weekends you know why because i've got kids okay i've got two kids i don't know if we have them before if i've ever mentioned them but i do i have kids and um so that'll be a bit more juggling um but then i was thinking about it and i was like oh well maybe you know they're getting a little bit older maybe they can come and help out or something and i can quote them a couple bucks but then i was just like oh i don't want them to get involved with show business ah so it's kind of a up and down debate so what i've decided to do Come back after a 10-year hiatus. The cartoonist, animator, that guy's going to be here. The writer, that one's going to be there as well. And, you know, probably the one who goes to the gym so he can look fit, so he can look good. You know what I'm saying? And then there's the one who cooks a lot, like a good cook, cooker. And there's the baker. There's a lot of bumper cars is what I'm saying. That's a lot of stuff. I don't even know if that's a lot. I mean, it feels like a lot of stuff. Is that too much stuff? Am I stretching myself too thin? Is that the whole point of everything?

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe