Tag: parenting

Bumperpodcast #352 – Whispering

There is a LOT of whispering on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast – and, why is that? Well – you’ll have to listen to find out. It’s quite the story!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode #352 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar explains why everyone needs to be quiet at headquarters – there's a new puppy! Natty recounts the emotional story of how the Bumpercar family spontaneously adopted a beagle-black lab mix puppy after an eventful Saturday that included buying a basketball goal, renting a truck, and visiting a pet store. The episode details the heartwarming moment when young Oliver broke down crying at the thought of not getting the puppy, leading to family interviews and the ultimate decision to bring her home. Natty hilariously compares puppy ownership to having a newborn baby, complete with sleepless nights, bathroom accidents, and the puppy trying to eat everything in sight – including Natty's nose.

Memorable Quotes

“If she keeps growing every ten days, doubling up on her puppyhood, then I would say we maybe have eight months until she's as big as the house.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“The mommy dog stuck her nose onto the cage. And baby puppy stuck her nose onto her mommy's nose. And she let out a whimper. It was the saddest, cutest, saddest, saddest thing I've ever seen.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“She goes to the bathroom in the house constantly. Human babies did that, too. But they had diapers. She doesn't.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #puppies #petadoption #family #parenting #sleepdeprivation #dogs #petstore

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Everybody has to be super duper quiet on the bumper podcast today. Hi everybody, it's me, Maddie Bumpercar, and I'm sure you're wondering, why are we having to be so quiet? Are we playing a game of hide and seek? No. Did we just put a cake in the oven and we don't want to scare it and have it fall? No. I wish we would have done that, now that I think about it. I would love to have some cake right now. Does anybody have any cake out there? No? Alright. Alright. Well, listen. Here's the reason why we have to be super duper quiet right now. There's a new baby at headquarters. There's a new baby! Okay, it's not really a baby, if I'm to be completely honest. But it's very small. And it's kind of like a baby. It's a puppy! We got a new puppy! I'm so excited. I can't even tell you. I don't think she can hear me. But maybe she can. She's got really good ears. She's a beagle, black lab, and we got her when she was eight weeks old. She was so tiny, and we've already had her for ten days, and she's already doubled in size. What that means is where there was one puppy. There are now two. And if she keeps growing every ten days, doubling up on her puppyhood, then I would say we maybe have eight months until she's as big as the house. So, I'm kind of hoping that doesn't happen. She was the runt of her litter, which means she was the smallest one. I'll tell you the whole story, okay? So, we had a big Saturday. I had purchased a basketball goal. It was already put together. But there was no way for me to get it home. My original plan was to walk the basketball goal the one and a half miles back to my house. But everyone said that's the worst idea ever. And I wasn't allowed to do it, which is fine, because it probably would have been the end of me. So, I said, okay, I'll come back tomorrow with a truck. I don't have a truck. But I went to the tool store, and I got a truck, and I loaded it up with all kinds of topsoil and peat moss and cow manure and raised bed soil. And I got a truck. And I loaded it up with all kinds of topsoil and peat moss and cow manure and raised bed soil. And two raised beds and all kinds of stuff. I loaded the whole truck up, and then I drove to the basketball goal. And the man who had sold it to me said, hey, I hurt my back. I can't help you put this in there. So then I had to lift the entire basketball goal all by myself into the truck. So what's going on, muscle bumper car? And then I drove it home, and I unloaded the truck. And I picked the basketball goal. And I put it over our fence, and I set it up. And then I cleaned the truck out, and I said, okay, bumper family, we're all getting into this truck, and we're taking a trip. And the kids got very excited, because they'd never ridden in a truck before. This was a huge day. We got a basketball goal. We're riding in a truck. And then after that, we went and got Mexican food. And they love Mexican food. They eat guacamole more than anyone I've ever seen. I love guacamole. They're probably, if they did a DNA test, they would come back at least 28% avocado. So we went, and they were just having the best day. And then we went to a little store that they didn't really want to go to. And then Ollie said, hey, let's go to the pet store and look at dogs. And I said, okay, because that's something we do. We treat the pet store like the free zoo, where we go. And we look at all the fish, and the iguanas, and the chinchillas, and the birds. And they were having cat adoption day. So there was a whole section of kitty cats. And we went, and we talked to the kitty cats. And there was one named Bowman, who was super cute, and who I wanted a lot. But Ollie's very allergic to cats. But he likes cats. So he was touching them, and touching them, and then touching his eyes. And then his eyes got all big and puffy. So then we had to go wash his face and his hands. Fine. And then we turned the corner, and there were more kitty cats to adopt. And so we looked at them for a second. And then way down at the end of the hall, there was a little cage. And in that cage was a little puppy, a little black puppy. And so we went all the way over to it, and she was so adorably cute. So we sat down, and we're talking to her, and we're playing with her. And this man was talking about her. And you know, there were two pregnant moms. Mom dogs that we found. And these are the puppies of one of the moms. Her two brothers got adopted already today. And oh, hey, look. Here comes mom. And so this family comes out with this mommy dog. And the mommy dog, it was the saddest thing I've ever seen. It was so nice that she was being adopted. But as they were leaving, the family said, oh, we should let you say goodbye to your baby. And so the mommy went over to the cage. And stuck her nose onto the cage. And baby puppy stuck her nose onto her mommy's nose. And she let out a whimper. She went like that. It was the saddest, cutest, saddest, saddest thing I've ever seen. At that point, I was like, oh, no. We might be in trouble now. So then I said, well, hey, can we walk around with this puppy? Can we play with it a little bit? Just to kind of see, you know? And they were like, yeah, you just got to fill out this paperwork. And I was like, OK. And they were like, even if you don't get it, you know, it's in our records. So you're good to go if you ever want to adopt. And I was like, OK. That works. And so I fill everything out. You have to put down phone numbers of friends who will say nice things about you. I didn't think anything of it. So but we were in the corner playing. And I even told them, hey, we just want to play with the puppy. Not sure if we're getting the puppy. Just looking. Just looking at the puppy. And then we were in the corner. And we're playing with a puppy. And someone came over. And they said, hey, your references. The phone numbers. The phone numbers that you put down. The people aren't answering. And I was like, oh, I didn't know you were actually calling them. I thought that we were just kind of looking. But here, I'll text everyone and just let them know what's going on. OK, thanks, she said. Now Ollie heard me say, we're just looking at the puppy. And we might not get it. And he got sadder than I've ever seen him get in my life. He went over into a corner. And he had his knees towards the corner, all tucked up. And his arms were over his knees. And his head was on his arms. And he started crying so hard that he was doing little hyperventilation. So little, like that. Very, very, very sad. So I went and talked to him. And I said, what's the matter, buddy? And he said, you said we were getting the puppy. And now we're not getting the puppy. And I want the puppy. And just, oh, it was heartbreaking. So I said to my wife, we might be getting a dog. Today, you know? And so then we had a little conversation about it. And then what we did is we each took one of the kids. I took Oliver. She took Emerson. And we interviewed them. And I said, what are you most excited about with this puppy? And, you know, I got his answers. And he was excited just to have the puppy because it would be fun. And it would be sweet. And it would be cute. And he was worried that it would make messes, basically. And then I switched. And I took Emerson. And she took Oliver. And Emerson was also, he was worried that the puppy might bite people and that it might make messes in the house. And he was just excited because he really liked the puppy, basically. So then we all got together as a family. And we compared notes. And we kind of just decided. We had been at the pet store for over an hour, like an hour and a half, making this decision. And we went back over. And we said, we'll take the puppy. And so now we have a puppy. And here's what they didn't tell me, which I didn't know because I don't think I've ever had a puppy. Maybe. Maybe I have. I don't remember. But they don't sleep. She doesn't. It's like having a newborn baby in the house. That's why I stopped whispering. And now I'm talking because I realized she doesn't let me sleep. Maybe I shouldn't let her sleep, right? She goes to bed at around 8.30. And then wakes up at around 11, which is when I tend to go to bed. So I take her out. And then 11. Then like 1, then like 3. And then she's finally up at 5, 5.30. This is for the last 9, 10 days that I've been doing this. And I have never been, well, I was going to say never been more tired. But I waited. I've actually had human babies. And they do very similar things. She's also, she goes to the bathroom in the house constantly. Human babies did that, too. But they had diapers. She doesn't. The other thing she does, she eats everything, cords, papers. She gets into it all. And she even tried to eat me. That's right. She tried to eat my sweet little nose. And what's her name? Oh, we made a video about that. You should watch it. Or I guess I could just tell you, right? Her name is…

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June 6, 2019
Bumperpodcast #335 – Hold tight

The Bumperkids are growing up, and on a momentous day, Natty tries to talk to them about some of the transitions that are happening – like the end of daycare, and riding a giant roller-coaster. And what’s he get in return? A bunch of heartache, and toys getting thrown. Hope you enjoy listening to the ridiculousness!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this emotional episode, host Natty Bumpercar marks a bittersweet milestone as his son Oliver completes his last day of pre-K at a school the family has attended for eight years. Joined by his sons Emerson and Oliver, Natty reflects on the joys and challenges of parenting while sharing stories about their recent Six Flags adventure, including a terrifying ride on the El Toro wooden roller coaster. The boys discuss their imaginative daily routine of hunting dragons in the graveyard behind the school, and Natty opens up about the emotional impact of watching his children grow up. This heartfelt episode blends humor with genuine parental emotion as the Bumpercar family prepares for kindergarten and a new chapter ahead.

Memorable Quotes

“We've been with this pre-k for seven years… in total we've been there for eight years. Last night I woke up at four o'clock in the morning and I was crying.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“We went on a big roller coaster that was the stupidest roller coaster in the world… we thought we were gonna die, we thought we were gonna pass out.”

— Emerson

“When you're a parent you're uber present in the moment… but then you don't realize that there's all this really important stuff happening in their lives.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #preschool #milestones #sixflags #rollercoasters #childhoodimagination #dragons #family #growingup

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Emerson (Natty's child)

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey guys it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and this is a brutally sadly excitingly rough but fun but sad day and i don't think i can do it myself so who do i have here with me oh you guys gonna be crazy huh do you know why it's a sad day oliver why why it's an exciting day why why it's a big day why today is oliver's last day at pre-k hooray why is it hooray it's the same pre-k that you went to we've been with this pre-k for seven years i yeah ever since you were like one just before you were one years old you started going to this school and you were there for what four years and that's where you met all your first friends and then ollie went there when did you start all yeah ollie was there for about five years so in total we've been there for eight years so last night i woke up at four o'clock in the morning and i was crying because i was sad because here's a weird thing when you have kids you get it's a little bit not you're gonna you're gonna go to kindergarten next year

Emerson (Natty's child): that's right you're gonna have some of your pals are gonna be in your new school

Natty Bumpercar: so that's exciting right um emerson what did we do yesterday we so we got a crayon no so you're gonna have a crayon and you're gonna have a crayon and you're gonna have a crayon

Emerson (Natty's child): yesterday he got me um a bat bear a bat bear no we did though i call him bat bear we uh

Natty Bumpercar: so emerson and i for the past three years we've been going to six flags and yesterday we went

Emerson (Natty's child): and what did we do a big roll we went on a big roller coaster that was the stupidest roller coaster in the world and and we couldn't and we barely and that and we could barely walk after it we i thought we we thought we were gonna die we thought we're gonna pass out right yeah so

Natty Bumpercar: remember the microphone is right up here so that's what we want to talk to okay um hey um and um i said they almost died it's true we did it was called el toro and it was uh this wooden roller coaster and emerson was like i want to go on that and i was like i don't know if i want to go on that and he's like i want to go on that and a couple of times we walked up to the line we're like no and it was the third thing that we went on so the first thing we went on was this big safari ride and we got to see what kind of animals do we see like crazy animals um oliver they can't oliver keeps putting his bear up to the microphone and having him say hi hi hi but it was another it was another day where you're like you see your kids growing hey guys we can't do that at all you're telling me to shush yeah well we're recording a podcast and you can't fight oliver the bears are going to leave if you don't stop okay look at that i'm having to be parenting right now no we're fine we're good buddy this is this is oh we lost you okay all right we lost emerson he uh he couldn't take the bears talking into the microphone so ollie what is your favorite thing that we do when we go to school how do we go there but in the car that's right we go the secret way to school there's no way we're going to tell anybody there's no way because it's the secret way

Emerson (Natty's child): yeah and it's ours and it's nobody else's

Natty Bumpercar: oh no emerson told us hey uh don't throw anything else buddy and so then uh at the end of school what do we do we go out in the back into the what broom gray what's the what is it it started with emerson remember out back behind the school yes what's back there you have to cross over that bit of grass emerson you used to do that you challenged different schools this is this is so fun we got hats we got infertility we got virtually everything and he was so crusty he goes I've got to go to a big ridingiking range and make a stop for about a while leben I am coming over to my dog look like this is my dog they're taking their limited drag with you used to do this too used to love yeah to the graveyard and what do we love what do we hunt for

Emerson (Natty's child): we hunt for dragons and the dragons kind of have you ever seen a dragon ever since the dragons

Natty Bumpercar: usually hunt for us well once we get to the back of it yeah they come looking for us and then we just run for our lives we totally run for our lives because it's terrifying to have dragons

Emerson (Natty's child): chasing you through a graveyard yeah and there's some i usually grab a rock and then when i throw a

Natty Bumpercar: rock nothing's there because do you think the dragons are scared of your rocks and your rock

Emerson (Natty's child): throwing skills so the dragon kind of ship out like like a visible dragon he shares his visibleness with all the other dragons and all of the dragons share with the other dragons then they have the same powers all of them

Natty Bumpercar: have the same powers is that something they can do they can share powers yeah and they all have the same powers so wait if they're all sharing the powers what's going on here where in our house

Emerson (Natty's child): yeah there's no dragons in our house they only live in the graveyard yeah dragons in the graveyard

Natty Bumpercar: in the natural history museum the person that um

Emerson (Natty's child): the person that had the grave uh-huh persons that were on the deep and was the grave uh-huh had the

Natty Bumpercar: grave over them person the dragons ate the people who were in the graves in the graveyard yeah i didn't know that i've never known that why didn't you ever tell me that i told you a long time ago what we used to so hold on a second i'm taking my kids into a graveyard that's full of graves full

Emerson (Natty's child): that the dragons ate that's terrible parenting yeah you're too yeah but i like it i do too i hope

Natty Bumpercar: that we get to do it today because this is our last day right give me that yankee hat right up there oh it's not for you kiddo cat who's it it's daddy's and it's really old um one of these kids wants to be on a podcast one of these kids wants to disrupt a podcast and that's fine um what are the stories you have to go i don't know did i show you the pictures from the safari yesterday from the animal ride that emerson and i went on no i didn't show you yes you did not show me i'm so sorry i'll show you later i promise so what do you think you're going to do today um school stuff yeah yeah and then what about next week so next week you're starting kindergarten

Emerson (Natty's child): which we talked about a little bit before um i want to be there saturday sunday monday

Natty Bumpercar: that's right monday's a vacation and tuesday's a holiday too i think and so school starts on wednesday tuesday's um oh that's right it's a gg and pop-up day um emery emery emerson has a ruler that he's patting in his hand uh kind of aggressively um i think he's gonna hit my own head i don't think he should do that i think he'll be in big trouble your body

Emerson (Natty's child): what basic who's bardy basics really and he will try to get you with a ruler on your head yeah no no

Natty Bumpercar: jump scares are not my favorite kind of scares yeah i hate him hey wait emerson so you you like jump scares right what do you not like roller coaster scares do you remember yesterday ollie yes i can't i know but do you remember so we got on the roller coaster we waited in line and then we got up to the top and i got we got to the top and i started going i don't want to do this i don't want to be here i don't want to be on this roller coaster i don't want to do this i don't want to do this and i didn't know what to do with emerson and so i said just close your eyes it's gonna be okay you're gonna be okay and it was

Emerson (Natty's child): so high and then when we were about to fall down i looked up and then and then and then and then and then we flew up in the air and then we almost and then it was turning so hard i almost fell off my roller i i almost let go of the thing you're like floating in your seat right

Natty Bumpercar: and then you said when i said don't look you open your eyes and you could see the whole park right yeah like the entire thing yeah but i didn't get scared that part didn't scare you it was the down part and this roller coaster it didn't stop like you went down a giant hill and then down a giant hill and then you went like to the side and it was throwing me around and you said does your neck hurt still it was brutal my neck still hurts i highly recommend that no one ever ride a roller coaster again i think we've done it for everyone no one else we no one no one else needs to do a roller coaster right um wait well wait what do you want to do a roller coaster yeah but not the

Emerson (Natty's child): not the wooden one not the wooden one not the scariest one you guys almost died off i don't

Natty Bumpercar: know if we really almost died off almost died but it was certainly terrifying yeah yeah yeah well you ever need you you're gonna head out yeah okay say goodbye bye say bye-bye last day of pre-k bye-bye last day of pre-k okay you're going over so that's uh that's the thing guys uh having kids is weird i've really i've been up since 4 a.m crying today because um this this daycare huh why don't you take these bears up to mommy she needs to talk to them okay and um man they they they grow up these kids and they do it really fast and when you're not even in if you're not in the moment you do oh good job you sure do my child has an infinity gem i hope it's what oh you let's put that down there's a lot of things happening right now bumper podcast i'm trying to have an emotional moment right now i'm trying to have an emotional moment with you and my children are refusing which is fine it's that's their job um i know it's only three he found a three pound weight so uh it's weird so i think i already said that but like when you're a parent you're uber present in the moment you're always there they're always there you come home they're there you you take them places whatever and then like a lot of it is just the rush and the grind to get from thing to thing and place to place but then like you don't realize that there's all this really important stuff happening in their lives and there's these major milestones that are happening and last night was one of the first times where it like really hit me and hit me hard that this place that i've been going to forever i talk to these people every single day and i wouldn't have kids without them essentially and and what i mean by that is like they've been my community they've been my family they've been my family they've been my family they've been my family they've been my advocates they've been the people who give me advice who give me a shoulder to cry on parenting is rough and i'm gonna miss it desperately but we're in a new chapter we're in a new exciting world and i'm super thrilled for it and i hope that ollie has a good time with it next week and you know it's gonna be a transition and um i'm gonna start crying again but you know what we're all gonna get there together

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August 31, 2018
Bumperpodcast #328 – The Kids

Natty woke up in the middle of the night, sad about the state of the world, and emotional that his kids are growing up in record time. There aren’t a lot of laughs in this episode, just a lot of talky-talk. Be nice to one another.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this introspective episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his emotional reflections as his youngest son Ollie prepares for pre-K graduation after eight years at the same daycare. Natty discusses the importance of celebrating children's achievements, defending participation trophies and letting kids feel special during milestone moments. He recounts a touching moment with his older son Emerson on his last day of school, emphasizing how crucial it is to tell loved ones they're appreciated. While grappling with difficult world events, Natty advocates for kindness, compassion, and remembering that everyone deserves respect—even when perspectives differ. This rare solo episode showcases a more vulnerable side of the usually comedic puppet host.

Memorable Quotes

“People get trophies for participating that's cool that's awesome you guess what you did something you participated and now you get to feel good about it.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I need you to look at me… buddy, I want you to know how proud we are of you, that you made it through this year and you did such an amazing job.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“When you do nice things, it'll make you feel better, too. You're doing the nice thing because it'll make you feel better.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #graduation #parenting #childhoodmilestones #kindness #compassion #perspective #family #growingup

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and I am in a bit of a mood today I guess a lot of there's a lot of things happening right there's a lot of stuff going on in the world this could be i'm super excited about that and i'm giving a speech at the graduation and when i gave i gave a little talk at emerson's graduation a few years ago and and i cried like i've never cried before in my life in front of a an auditorium full of people i was on the microphone and i was hyperventilating and uh i was it was it was quite the scene and and now for ollie's this is my last little kid and this is i've been at this this pre-k this daycare for eight years and and and i'm giving a little talk i've got it all nice and written out i have to i still have to print it and i i like to go what i do is i type it and then i print it and then i go through and i kind of mark it up and then i retype it with those uh the markup edits and um and then that's my final copy and uh so i got a tiny bit of work to do and um today i went in and uh and they've started like they took the uh by the hooks where you hang the bags every morning uh they took down the little name plates they took down a little the little stickers and uh so it's just wild wild west there's bags everywhere it's it's crazy um and it's it's it's it's an interesting hard thing uh where you know people like oh pre-k graduation why are we even celebrating this why does everybody get a trophy and it's just it's like stop just stop it like we don't have we're better than you're better than that i would assume like people get trophies for participating that's cool that's awesome you guess what you did something you participated and now you get to feel good about it we don't have to be like uh you know A seven-year-old's like, hey, you didn't win the tournament, so you don't get a trophy. What's the point of that? Oh, yeah, okay, I guess you could say, oh, well, it's going to make them stronger people. It's going to make them strive to do better next time. They're kids. Just let them have fun and let them get their trophy and let them go home feeling great. Right? Because there's going to be a lot of points in their life when they don't feel great. So let's let them feel great as much as they can whenever they can is my way of thinking. And so a pre-K graduation, you know, the kids don't really know what's going on, but they know that it's exciting. And they know the spotlight is on them. They know that it's their special day, that they're turning a chapter in their lives, in the little book of their lives. They're very short lives at this point. And but this is like a momentous thing where from when they're babies, they're with these people. And then after this day, they're going to go off to new schools and they're not all going to be together. And the ramifications, they don't know about all that stuff. They don't care about that. Like, oh, I might I might not see you, you know, whatever. But they they know, like, hey, this is a big deal. Like we did it. And in it, what did we do? We turned five and we became the legal age to go to kindergarten. But that was good for you. You got to a point where now you're going to move on to the next step. And that's great. And so hurray for kids, hurray for for them. And so we're going through all this stuff with with Ali. You know, there's field trips. There's like I think there were three field trips, which is a lot of field trips. There's his graduation. And then Emerson, you know, he's getting bigger, too. Like I took a picture of today. It's his last day of school and he's at the top of the stairs. And he's such a big guy. And I'm just like, who who are you people in my house, in my life? You're like my little pals, my little buddies. Like, I can go see movies with Emerson. I can go see The Incredibles, whatever. I can I can hang out. Neither of us can have popcorn because I've got my Invisalign and he's got his orthodontist. Sure. So, you know. We're going through that at the same time, too. It's nice. And then you look around at the rest of the world. Right. And what's going on? And I'm not going to get into things because that's not what this show is. And I don't know if there's kids listening. Hey, kids, are you out there? Are you listening? You're awesome. Good for you. I had to go back for a second. Today was Emerson's last day of school and we were late because I was putting together. I made these pictures. For in frames for his teachers. We were wrapping them. So we got there a couple of minutes late, but he was he was desperate to run in the school. He wanted to get in the school. He wanted to be there for morning care so that he could hang out with his friends for the last day of the school year. But we were late, which he was kind of upset about. You wanted to run in and I had to grab him before he ran in. And I got this right into his little face and I said, I need you to look at me. And he was like, OK, and he doesn't like he gets rude. He's really embarrassed with this kind of stuff because we're out in public. But I looked at him, I was holding his little face and I said, buddy, I want you to know how proud we are of you, that you you made it through this year and you did such an amazing job. You're such a wonderful kid and everyone loves you and everyone's so, so amazed at how well you're doing and and we're all excited for everything that you're going to do. Now, get in there and have a great day. Have a great day. And his little eyes like blinked, like blink, blink, blink. And he said, OK, dad. And he ran in. And I don't think people tell kids this type of stuff often enough. Like you go through your day to day. You're you got to. Oh, I got to go get gas. Oh, then I got to go return this box and then I got to go get this other box. And then, you know, I got to take this thing out of this box. I got to put this thing together. Oh, then I got to do this. There's just so much. There's so much stuff like minutiae in life, especially these days from when you wake up until when you go to bed. You can even pretend that like, oh, I got to put up, you know, five tweets today and I got to make sure that my social media metrics are good, whatever that is. Or, you know, you're staring at your phone and that you feel like you're almost accomplishing something because you're staring at your phone. On top of all, like, oh, I've actually got to go to the grocery store. I've got to make this food. I've got whatever. I've got to feed the dog. I've got. But there's so much minutiae that you can mask the rest of your life with that. I think it's important to people used to say, hey, stop and smell the roses. Yes, stop to stop and, you know, grab people that are important to you and tell them that they're important to you and tell them why they're important to you and say something to make them feel better. I am. On a daily basis, an embarrassment to my family because I like to talk to people. I talk to people in line at checkout. I talk to people at the restaurant, people I don't know, strangers. And I try to say nice things to them. Right. Just to make this random nice thing to say to people. Right. Because what you'll see is when you say nice things to people, if you do nice things for people. A lot of times they'll recognize it. They'll internalize it and they feel better. And then that's great. Sometimes they don't acknowledge it. They just kind of go about their life because they're in their own headspace. And that's fine, too, because it's not it's not about you're not doing the thing, the nice thing to get recognition for it. You're doing the nice thing because when you do nice things, it'll make you feel better, too. And. I don't want to. I'm not going to get into again because there's I think there's there's probably kids listening, but there's scary, bad things happening in the world around us. And when I look at my kids and I look at the privilege that they have and how lucky they are with their lives and where they are right now. And then I think about where other people are in the world. And it's it's heartbreaking and it's it's it's soul wrenching and it's just I don't know what to do. And I don't I don't feel sometimes I don't feel good about feeling good because there's these other people that are going through really bad stuff. And this is a comedy podcast. Right. Yeah. Pigs usually here. Rufus T. Rufus. Robot. Everybody. But I we had an episode a while ago about when I was sad. It was for different stuff. It was for different reasons. But I think it's important to realize that there's other people in different positions in life and it's all your perspective and how you see them. But you got to understand that every single person is a person and they deserve rights. They deserve respect. They deserve compassion and love. And, you know, if their political bent doesn't rhyme with yours or their religious affiliation or whatever their views are. They're still people. And. I think for the world to continue to work. We have to help people. And it's like I'm I'm I'm kind of I'm stammering. I'm laboring because I don't know the answers. I don't know how to make this better, but I just know that I don't feel good about what's happening in the world right now. And I don't know how you could feel good about what's happening in the world right now. And I made a comment the other day on some post and someone's like, oh, Natty Bumpergar is getting political. And it's like all I can do these days not to climb to the highest mountain and just scream like anguish scream because I don't understand how we are, where we are right now, how we got to this place.

Unknown: And.

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June 20, 2018
Bumperpodcast #326 – Palette Expander

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Natty went to voice training class – did it work? More importantly, what’s going on with Emerson?!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares his ongoing struggles with Invisalign after spending $1,700 on voice training classes that didn't help his speech. He recounts a carnival mishap involving cotton candy that turned his aligners neon yellow, forcing him to wear them for two weeks. The episode takes a heartfelt turn as Natty describes his son's dental emergency from years ago and the recent ordeal of getting a palate expander installed. Through humorous storytelling, Natty captures the parenting challenge of managing a child's dental anxiety while dealing with his own orthodontic issues. The episode ends with a comical McDonald's visit gone wrong when food gets stuck in his son's new appliance.

Memorable Quotes

“If anyone ever asks you if you want cotton candy the answer is gonna be yes it should be yes”

— Natty Bumpercar

“We heard a scream and it was unlike any scream that we had heard before. You get this pit of doom in your stomach, this shock of cold through your veins.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I didn't want them to look at me and be like, oh, you're the one who caused me all this misery. That's stuff that's going to send them into therapy later.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #invisalign #parenting #dentalhealth #orthodontics #cottoncandy #childhoodinjuries #medicalprocedures #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh hi bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and as you can tell i can talk a little bit better you probably can't even tell that i have it okay you can tell still man i took last week off and i went to some voice training classes and i was like hey i've got this new thing in my mouth this new doodad and it makes me talk kind of funny and uh they were like we can fix you and i gave them seventeen hundred seven teen dollars and they they spent it was a week course a crash course to make it sound better and now you're telling me it didn't work ah well i guess this is just how i'm gonna sound then um here's some excitement with the invisalign did i already tell you this i can't remember i went to a carnival with these things in and my kid got cotton candy and it was like a mixed bag so it was like oh look at me i'm blue which i think is blue raspberry oh look at me i'm pink which is pink flavor and then oh look at me i'm yellow which is not banana i know it's not which makes me happy it might be lemon probably lemon so there was blue raspberry lemon and then whatever pink is raspberry no because you have raspberry blue raspberry strawberry who knows i don't know i don't know why i'm saying fruits because there's nothing about these things that have anything to do with fruit at all so we uh we went and he was just like hey dad do you want some cotton candy i was like yeah i want some cotton candy because if anyone ever asks you and like it if you want cotton candy the answer is gonna be yes it should be yes and i'm just eating it and i'm eating it and i'm like we're having a good time we're at the carnival and i got home and i was like i should brush my teeth because i don't want all that sugar stuck in these little trays of tooth doom i took them out and the cotton candy was yellow like not like i'm an old man i have yucky yellow teeth but like i'm from space i have robot teeth like that kind of and uh yeah so now i have yellow teeth for two weeks yellow teeth uh and i was even i wasn't even supposed to i was in my second little trays i have three sets of them they're supposed to last me for six weeks uh i had already moved into the second set five days early because my first set decided just to crack like they just ripped in my mouth like i was trying to pop them off pop them off hey well you know you don't make sure before you eat you gotta pop them off oh okay how do i do that and then pop yeah fine that's great but mine were i gotta pop them off i gotta eat some food oh look it's the whole this half just came off so that's not doing anything so i made the executive decision to move up to tray number two so good for me but now they're neon yellow uh in other news around the house uh my simpatico young boy uh also this week had to go to the orthodontist uh a few years ago he was running around a table with his brother he slipped he fell his two front teeth took the brunt of the impact against the corner of a table i was upstairs my wife was upstairs we heard the noise we heard a scream and it was unlike any scream that we had heard before and uh nothing for a parent when you hear a noise that you know is not a natural noise and is not going to be good you get this pit of doom in your stomach you you feel this uh shock of cold through your veins through your nerves and you're just like all right let's get downstairs as quickly as we can without breaking our necks and there he was standing in a pool of blood it was disgusting and it was pouring from his little mouth and i had to wrap him up in a towel and take him to the er uh and it was a big ordeal he had folded his two front teeth they were baby teeth backwards oh it was disgusting uh the uh the emergency room couldn't do anything there's nothing for them to do they said just take him to the dentist uh asap took him the next morning the dentist was kind of looking at it and he uh the plan was once the swelling went down he uh drilled little holes in the back of the teeth took out the dead tissue or whatever the dead yucky stuff that's inside of a tooth and uh he said yeah it's gonna kind of it's gonna settle itself kid kid mouths are very resilient it'll fix itself all right i said so he's one of the teeth did they went right back but the other one kind of stayed a little bit uh hanging out in the looking backwards so he's like all right we gotta go to the orthodontist and we gotta get this figured out because this is gonna mess up his other teeth okay so he finally did that and he got something called a palate expander now what does a palate expander do i have no idea but i think it does exactly what it says it does it expands the child's palate the palate is like the roof of your mouth and it's like the roof of your mouth and it's like the roof of your mouth so he um on tuesday had to get little rubber bands they were blue and they looked adorable and he thought it was fun until they put the little rubber band spacers they're called in between his back molars just to add some get this space for the next day they were going to be in for he went in at 5 45 until 2 45 so about 21 hours is how long it took him to get this and he was like okay this is no big he was like this is no big deal and they were like he's doing so well he's doing amazing who is this child he's doing so great and i was just like i don't know by the time i got into the car he was like that that that that that these things have got to get out of my mouth and i was just like no we just got him in dad i don't know i don't know i don't dad dad dad let's go back inside dad let's go back inside dad hey dad hey dad dad hey dad let's go back inside and i was like buddy it's 24 hours it's not a big deal you're doing great you're gonna we're gonna knock this out and then you're gonna move on to the next step that and like it was like that constant and to the point where it was it was we got home and it was man the wheels came off the bus and he was it was like he was like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know it was horrible because he was begging he was begging me dad dad dad dad just saying dad over and over again pleading begging dad i'll do anything you gotta get these things out of my mouth dad but please dad dad and i was just like buddy buddy hey buddy buddy buddy buddy he's like i can't eat i can't drink i'm not gonna be able to sleep and it was like it was a big deal so we you know we gave him some some pain medication we gave him some ice packs we we did everything that we could and and finally we got him to sleep but the next and like over the course of the night he's like i'm taking these out i'm ripping these out i'm gonna take these out and he's like i'm gonna get a fork i'm gonna take them out i was just like what with a fork what are you doing relax like just it's it's i think it's not comfortable i was like but look daddy has these things in his mouth they're not super comfortable but you know you just kind of learn to deal with it you just kind of move on and it was it was it was not a pleasant time evening here around headquarters but we got through it he finally passed out he went to sleep and he woke up the next morning he was like these aren't it's not as bad as i thought i was like i knew it i knew it you were tired or something last night i mean i knew it might have been rough but it wasn't as bad as he was making it so we uh you know he goes to school and i pick him up and he was kind of a nervous wreck and he's just like i couldn't eat all day i couldn't talk all day and i was like these are just the rubber band these are the rubber bands i don't even like the rubber band you can see them in the jewellery doors and with this car know somebody's fucking guard look at this. You get to take home this cool mold of your mouth. But she really tried to sell it like it was a big deal. Like, look, this is the inside of your mouth and you get to take it home. And he was like, I could care less. I could not care less about that if I tried. In no way, no fashion, no form could I care less about what you're showing me right now. Get these rubber bands out of my mouth. So she popped those out, bing, bang, boom. And she takes the metal doodad and she puts it in. And then the orthodontist comes over and he has this little brown plastic bar that he helps kind of wedge the doodads in. He was like, all right, see, this is what we're doing. It's in there. No problem. How's that feel? Good, good. Didn't give him time to answer, right? He was just running through his script. He's like, hey, I've got 18 kids to touch right now. I'm going to make $50,000 today. How's that feel? Good. Fine. Boom. We're moving on. And then he took it out. He had to put some glue on it. He's like, hey, we're going to put some glue on it. And then after this, she's going to explain to you what you can eat, how you're going to take care of these, what you're going to do, bada, bada, bada. And I was like, okay, okay. I got to keep, I got to, okay, I can do this. And so he puts it in, and it's like epoxy glue. And they have this like laser beam thing that they put in his mouth that makes the epoxy harden so it sticks to your teeth. And then there's actually, there's a screw inside of this thing that I have to turn every two days. He gave me, there's a tool that I have to use, and I have to turn it once every two days. So it's like, hey, are you getting used to this? Does this feel a little bit better? All right, bam. How does it feel now? Miserable again, right? Awesome. And who did it to you? Me. Hooray. I, uh, anytime, like even with a vet, or if there's ever a procedure that would have to be done, I tried to make sure that the vet did it, or the doctor did it to my, the doctor did it to my kids, the vet did it to my dog, because I didn't want them to look at me and be like, oh, you're the one who caused me all this misery. This is your fault that I feel this way. Because that's lasting. That's, that's stuff that's going to send them into therapy later. And I, I don't know if my insurance is going to cover it, because it doesn't cover my therapy. So, um, I'm going to try to avoid that. But we actually haven't done that yet. Today's the first day that I get to turn the screws on the boy. And we'll see how that goes. Now, since he had made it through the first day, we got the pallet expander in. Uh, we went, we got Ollie. And I was like, all right, guys, we're, we're going to go out. We got to go out. Emerson's going to get a prize. And, you know, we're going to go and we're going to, oh, no, this is the next day. I'm sorry. I apologize. So, we got everybody together. And we, we went, we were, I was like, what do you guys want to eat? We'll eat anything at all. We'll eat whatever you want. So, they went, oh, we want McDonald's. I was like, perfect. So, we'll get some McDonald's. And I was like, then we can go wherever, whatever store you want. We can buy you a thing. This is what I do. I have to not bribe the children, but you have to buy them treats. You know, if they go through trauma, then I buy treats to alleviate some of the stress, some of the trauma. So, we went to McDonald's. And he got a big mac with no onions and no cheese. And, no, a quarter pound or whatever. And he got a large fry and all this food. And he took one bite and a piece of apple. He had apple from his brother's thing. Got caught in the roof of his mouth. And he tried to flip the table at McDonald's. He's like, I ain't going to eat this. I can't eat nothing. What is this, my life?

Unknown: So, that was a way to learn a lot about peace. Thank you so much for his rad digits. Do I get anything? No. All right, anyway, dee dee dee, we gotta get out of here. So, thank you so much.

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June 8, 2018
Bumperpodcast #324 – Physiology

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

It’s a very loud episode of the Bumperpodcast as we fight with the raucous party in the washing machine, the dryer, and the dehumidifier to tell you stories about spoiled children and how they are potentially wrecking me – bit-by-bit. Please listen. Please enjoy!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this hilariously chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records amidst washing machines, dryers, and dehumidifiers while sipping sweet tea. He shares a wild story about his son's elaborate school trading scheme involving smelly markers, a pencil case, and ten dollars that goes completely sideways. Natty also dives into waves of nostalgia while sorting through old boxes of baseball cards and photos from his art school days. Between dodging health concerns (including a mysteriously tingly face) and preparing for a rare double date at an Ethiopian restaurant, Natty reflects on parenting chaos, stress, and why his kids are basically plotting his departure. It's vintage Bumperpodcast: rambling, relatable, and ridiculously entertaining.

Memorable Quotes

“He traded it to a kid for ten dollars and I was like wait what is this none of this makes sense. That's some serious gumption to be able to turn that deal around.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“They're like, wait, you're not gonna be here? Perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone. That's all we want in life too!”

— Natty Bumpercar

“If I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #nostalgia #health #trading #kids #stress #dating #baseballcards

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: right off the bat i'm going to apologize for the audio quality of this episode i'm holding a glass of sweet tea that i made so that's kind of loud and then to my left there is a dryer that's drying clothes and then to its left there is a washer that is doing a deep wash deep clean of some bedding some bedding that i found in a box and then on the other side over there there's a uh there's a dehumidifier that's running now most of the time this stuff isn't running when i'm doing the podcast because i have some sort of you know idea on how to make decent sound recordings but today uh i can't avoid it because i was supposed to record yesterday but i didn't get a chance because there was a spring concert so now we're in full-on weekend mode which means crazy noisy very sorry but i didn't want to miss out on a week i didn't want to miss you i mean i miss you every day that i'm not recording so i didn't want to miss you even more if you get my drift if you catch what i'm saying if you know what i know what i know um so wait the bedding that's an important story in the garage we have boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff that was in a storage facility in georgia this is where my comic books were this is where my baseball cards were and but more importantly there's boxes of ephemera there's boxes of stuff what kind of stuff like old photo albums old newspaper clippings of me old art show stuff like stuff from a million years ago that i didn't even know i still had but uh one of my kids is obsessed because he can see baseball cards i don't care about baseball cards i just worked in the store and they would sometimes pay me with baseball cards but he sees these cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he just wants to be able to take them to school to trade them here's a tangent last week he was at school a girl gave him a uh a pencil case like a zip up pencil bag it was green clear full of stuff he then took that pencil bag and i and he traded it to a kid for ten dollars and then i was like wait what is this none of this makes sense how did you get the pencil case and he was like well i gave her two smelly markers one watermelon one licorice and i was like okay so the impetus is two smelly markers for which you then got pencil case full of stuff no no no i then put my stuff in there okay so you you took a pencil case that you would swap for two markers put your stuff in it and then sold that to a kid for ten dollars all right i mean like in my head i'm like that's amazing like that's some serious something gumption i guess to to be able to turn that deal around but then you know i was like i can't let you keep this kid's ten dollars like this i i can't what what do we know and it's like a kid a friend of his and i'm like it's kind of taking advantage of because i'm what do you take so i had to go to the parent and i was like hey explain the story and she's like i'm not going to okay i was asking him about that ten dollars because that was his change from the plant sale and i was like okay gave her the ten dollars back and i was like hey while we're at it maybe you can give me the pencil case back so that i can give it back to person number one oh we don't know where the pencil case is what what what what are we doing so now my kid's losing his mind because he had brokered this deal and i swoop in take his ten bucks and he doesn't get the pencil case back so he's he's out he doesn't have anything he's like that was all my stuff in the pencil case and i was just like ah ah and then i had to find the kid's dad with the pencil case and i was like hey situation here's what it is and he was like oh weird the way i heard it was there was an elephant pencil holder that uh your kid gave to my kid i didn't know about any pencil case i was just like this is this bonkers this makes no sense at all anyway so he likes to take stuff to school and trade it or at least show it off look what i got yeah well i got this now and he's been obsessed with these he doesn't the boxes of baseball cards i don't even know what's in there their things are 20 30 years old i don't care i just know i don't want him messing with them just in case you know they're gonna pay for his college that's not gonna happen i understand that they're worthless pieces of paper but who knows there's no it's whatever so i was like all right because he's been on me on me on me baseball cards baseball cards baseball cards so we went to the garage this week and i took some boxes of baseball cards out and i'm like here you can look through this stuff and as he's looking through that stuff i'm going through old pictures and then i i mean i haven't even fully recovered from the nostalgia the wave of nostalgia that that overwhelmed me and it was just like oh my god look at all these people that i used to know look at you know like look at these people look at that guy i used to you know hang out with all these people and like pictures of my uh graduating my art show that was i i can't remember the name of it but i just saw it but it made me so happy and all the art the paintings and the drawings and i look so different so at some point uh i'm gonna i had to put everything back because he kind of lost his mind because i wasn't just letting him have every single thing in the box uh but i'm gonna go through and i'm gonna post them around so you'll get to see what i looked like 100 years ago which is very exciting for everyone um on a side note so nostalgia right recovering from that uh i i have had this weird thing that's been happening to me and um i don't i don't want hey i can see how you're looking at me i don't want you to be worried i want you to calm down it's okay it's gonna be okay so you know i do it happens that's fine uh you know especially the weird weather changes if it's raining outside there's mold if there's pollen whatever you know i get i get uh allergies and then allergies turn into a little cold and a little cold turns into bronchitis what's up asthma so good for me so this week has been that but on a side note i've been getting this other weird thing this is physiology physiology not virology that is different this is physiology the left side of my face so from nose over to the left uh not all the way to the ear it's just uh cheek and into mouth and in the jaw it gets tingly fuzzy and i can't feel it what i know scary a little bit don't go on the internet and ask why your face is tingly you don't want to know what things could be happening and you don't want to know what's going on and i've had a lot of situations where i've had a lot of your physiological progression, I don't even know if I'm saying the right word, I'm gonna feel like I am, and when I went to the doctor the other day, because I couldn't breathe, like I just couldn't breathe, and she gave me this doodad that I had to breathe into, and so you put your mouth on it, and she's like, all right, take a deep breath, and blow, and I was like, I can't take a deep breath, I can barely stand without passing out, but I scored a 300, and she was like, okay, and then she made me do it three times, second time I got a 340, and she's like, oh, wait a minute, 340, that's not bad, meanwhile, I'm gonna hold on to the wall, because this is now a competition, and I want to give it my best blow, third time, back right under 300, because I had spent myself, I had, so all I had, I had given to get that 340, and she's like, all right, so normal people, normally, you're gonna be up in the like 500, 550 range, maybe even 600, and I was just like, so on. I'm half of normal, breathe-wise, and she's like, basically, basically, and then I start going over all this, this litany of other things that are going on, weird stuff with the old body, and I was like, my face, can't feel it, the left side, tingling, should I be worried, but I don't even know if she took a note on it, because she was so overwhelmed by all the other ridiculousness, and so now I'm like, all right, body, I'm gonna draw a line in the sand, and, and, and, um, if, if not better by this date, then I have to go back to the doctor, which I don't want to do, I don't want to be like a, you know, every time I walk in the doctor's office, they're like, bumper car, and I'm like, hey, everybody, I'm broken, I don't want that, I don't need that, I've got friends in other places, like sandwich shops, and donut parlors, and whatnot, all right, I'll keep you posted, because it's weird, it's a weird thing, it's not a comfortable thing, I'm not, happy about it, uh, I've been told that there's too much stress in the life, too much stress with a kid, too much stress with a job, slow it down, calm down, I'm not good at that, in fact, when you tell me to slow it down, to calm it down, you know what I do, I double down, I do more, it's a bad way to do, if people say slow down, you know what you should do, maybe slow down, maybe just slow down, I don't know, so that's what's going on with me, tonight though, uh, Mrs. Bumper Car, is it Ms. Bumper Car, Mrs. Bumper Car, I don't know what her name is, um, we'll call her Mrs. Bumper Car, and I, uh, we're going out, we're going out on a, on a, on a double date, on a hot double date, we're gonna get Ethiopian food, and, and, and it's very exciting, because you know what we don't do, and we're going out with people we've never gone out with before, people who might, in fact, be listening to this podcast, I don't even know, very exciting times, and one of them is a comedian, so this is, this is weird, I don't go out with people, I don't, we don't go out, we don't go out, you know, we don't see people, we don't do things, so this is a big evening for us, who knows how it's going to turn out, it's close to the house though, so, you know, if we need to, we're gonna, we have a sign, we'll throw the sign, and then if we have to split up, then we know we can meet back at the house, so, you know, and the kids, the kids are gonna have a babysitter, that's all they care about, they're like, wait, you're not gonna be here, no, they're like, perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone, and we're like, weird, that's all we want in life too, is for you to leave us alone, but they won't do it, I, today, it's, so it's a rainy day, we've had a lot of rainy days around, and we decided, we were like, what are we gonna do with these kids, we can't just sit at home, because they go crazy if you just sit at home, so we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we're like, all right, guys, you hang out in the play area, run around, we'll grab some lunch, boom, you're eating out, you'll love to do that, and then after that, I was like, hey, maybe we'll go get ice cream, I don't want, one of them said, I don't think I want any sugar right now, I was like, what, okay, so we went to some junk store, gave each of them five bucks, I'll go buy some junk, you know, and you're like, oh, man, your kids are spoiled, and I'm like, yes, they are, but 10 bucks is not a lot to pay. To hang out with you, like, if you go to a movie, you're talking $800, if you go to a, whatever, arcade place, you're talking $400, everything costs so much money, so $10, nothing, nothing, and meanwhile, you know, we get back to the car, and then they're, like, haggling with each other, like, oh, I wish you would have gotten me $8 worth of stuff, I'm like, you didn't have to get anything, and then, and then the other one was like, you know what, I think I want some sugar now, and I'm like, come on, all you guys just do is take and take and take and take, can't leave me alone, you guys are stressing me out, can't even feel the left side of my face, what's going to happen next, I'm going to lose the right side of my face, that's my favorite side of my face, guys, don't worry, though, if I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?

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May 19, 2018