Tag: parenting

  • Bumperpodcast 101

    Bumperpodcast 101

    Sorry that this is so late … But – there is a lot of whispering going on – because Baby Bumpercar officially has a stomach virus … a yucky-icky-nasty little stomach virus. Poor little guy.

    We shall defeat this sickness – today – on the Bumperpodcast!

     

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    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 101, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record quietly while Baby Bumpercar battles a stomach virus at headquarters. The episode begins with whispered warnings about keeping quiet, but Natty soon realizes he's in a soundproof booth and can speak normally. He shares the messy, disgusting details of dealing with a sick baby who goes from playing adorably with trains to exploding goo everywhere. Natty laments the arrival of sickly season at headquarters, which apparently lasts eight months out of the year, and declares his disdain for the unwelcome stomach virus invader.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It's like you've got this adorable little baby child, running around, playing with trains, talking, bibble babble, and then boom. Goo. Smelly, icky, yucky, nasty, goo.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Stomach virus, I'm not a fan. I don't like you. I want you out of headquarters. You're not paying rent. I'm sick of you.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #illness #winter #babybumpercar #headquarters #comedy #stomachvirus

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Please make sure and be as quiet as you can, because Baby Bumper Car has got a virus, a stomach virus, and he's trying to sleep, so we can't wake him up, because if we do, he's liable to do the things that stomach viruses make you do, which are disgusting, and which shan't be discussed here. Disgust, disgusting. You see what I'm saying? So be very quiet. I don't want to wake him up, and you don't want me to wake him up, because if I do, it's all over.

    Natty Bumpercar: It, it's all over. It's, here's the thing, Bumper Podcast. By the way, I'm Natty Bumper Car. This is Bumper Podcast number 101. 101. And here we are, back in the sickly season, uh, winter. Which, around headquarters, is roughly eight months out of the year. Uh, we're just starting it off, but we're starting it off with a bang. That's a stomach virus. Uh, it has not migrated to anyone outside of its host carrier, and that's Baby Bumper Car. Um, I'm talking normal now, uh, normal-ish, as normal as I can, because I realized I'm in a soundproof booth, and while it's fun to whisper, I don't really have to. I'm gonna be honest with you, because he can't hear me, and I can't hear him. Huh. I wonder what he's doing out there. I mean, I wonder if he's even sleeping. I mean, if, I wonder if he's doing what stomach viruses make him do. I wasn't gonna tell you about this. It makes him explode. It makes him explode goo from, from, it's, from everywhere, on everywhere, everywhere. It's horrible. It's the worst. It's like you've got this adorable little, uh, baby child, what, running around, playing with trains, talking, bibble babble, bibble babble, look at me, bibble babble, bibble babble, what's that, what's that, and then boom. Goo. Smelly, icky, yucky, nasty, goo. Stomach virus, I'm not a fan. I don't like you. I want you out of headquarters. I want you out of Baby Bumper Car. I mean, you're leaving, you're going out already in all of this. I mean, directions, but I mean, I want you, you're not, you're done. You're not paying rent. I'm sick of you. I love the baby, though. Love Baby Bumper Car. Stomach virus, not so much.

  • Bumperpodcast 47 – Sniffles

    Bumperpodcast 47 – Sniffles

    WE ARE IN AN ABSOLUTE TAILSPIN OF SICKNESS.

    Oops! Caps lock was on . . .

    BUT – WE ARE IN AN ABSOLUTE TAILSPIN OF SICKNESS!! WITH SNIFFLES AND COLDS AND RUNNY NOSES AND SNEEZES AND BLECH!

    Stand back . . . We may be catching.

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 47, host Natty Bumpercar hilariously laments his miserable state after catching a cold from his son, who recently started daycare. Natty rambles deliriously about his declining health, admitting he doesn't exercise, rarely leaves his chair, and only flosses before dentist appointments. After two weeks of being sick, he's finally going to the doctor—something he never does. Between jokes about feeling worse than garbage and requesting "chicken snoodle soup" (with a chicken and a poodle), Natty delivers a fever-fueled, self-deprecating monologue that showcases his comedic timing even while under the weather.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I would say that I feel like garbage but that would be giving garbage a bad name.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Somebody bring me a chicken and a poodle with some soup. I think it's the only way I'm gonna get out of this tail bed.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #parenting #daycare #health #self-deprecatinghumor #doctorvisit

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh it's my nose it's my nose and it's my head and it's my eyes and it's my aches and it's my tired and it's my sneezing oh bumper podcast it's so early in the season and already the sickness has taken over the house yeah that's right the boy the tidiest one among us has been shipped off to daycare he came back a different person he came back someone who gives out sickness he's patient zero yeah that's right but here's the thing i had heard that the baby was gonna get sick i was well aware this was gonna happen and i had heard the baby was gonna get sick and i had heard that i was gonna get sick but so soon how could it possibly happen so soon i'm a strapping young man i'm the pinnacle of health i mean i don't exercise i don't particularly eat right i don't get out of my chair for probably 14 hours of the day but i like to think of myself you know i have a little sparkle in my eye there's orange juice in the fridge uh so i i mean i in theory i'm close to it i floss my teeth when i you know a week before i go to the dentist and what's not healthy about that i walk the dog i don't know i don't know what i'm trying to tell you about for podcast i think i think i might be uh delirious with fever i think i might you know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i actually have to i'm going to the doctor today guess what i don't do guess what natty bumper guard don't do he don't go to the doctor when he's sick but this has been two weeks of sick i'm sick of being sick i said to someone the other day i would say that i feel like garbage but that would be giving garbage a bad name and then i was i didn't want to laugh at my own little joke i thought it was a cute little joke because it's just like i'm worse off i'm worse off than garbage oh oh i don't feel good bumper podcast somebody bring me some chicken chicken snoodle soup somebody bring me a chicken and a poodle with some soup i think it's the only way i'm gonna get out of this tail bed i don't i don't even know

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  • Bumperpodcast #28 – The Sickness

    Bumperpodcast #28 – The Sickness

    Sooooooo sickly . . . Everyone had been hobbled by the funk. Now figers are being pointed. Fingers are being waggled.
    It is a rough scene.

    **cough** **cough** **cough**

    [Click the title to get to the episode!]

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    About This Episode

    In episode 28 of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar records while battling a terrible cold that has infected the entire household. Between labored breathing and cold medicine-induced confusion, Natty rambles about the mysterious origins of the illness and whether the baby brought it home. The episode features Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness style as he struggles through foggy thinking, missed trains of thought, and the universal truth that when the baby is sick, nobody sleeps. This deliriously funny episode captures what it's like to parent while feeling completely miserable.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I have to breathe to stay alive. It's one of my little defects. A lot of you guys out there don't have to breathe to stay alive but I do.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I am on the platform at the train station at the train of thoughts train station and I just saw the train roll off. I have my ticket and I missed it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “When the baby's sick nobody sleeps. Nobody. No one. Know how. No sleep bumper podcast.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #parenting #coldmedicine #sleepdeprivation #babies #rambling #sickness

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh the sickness has gotten this bumper podcast it's it's in the house we couldn't stop it we had the windows open we had the windows shut we had doors and then i don't go outside i don't talk to people i don't even i don't even talk to people the first one was i don't see people the second one was i don't talk to people how do i get sick do you hear my nose it's i can't breathe i have to breathe to stay alive it's a known fact natty bumper car has to breathe to stay alive it's one of my little defects a lot of you guys out there don't have to breathe to stay alive but i do and now when this is done i'm not the only one who's sick is sick and now there's finger pointing there's finger waggling people are waggling their fingers at each other because they're saying what did did the baby get us all sick well he's a baby he doesn't go outside was it the mommy who got us sick we don't really use the term mommy and daddy at this point we're just like hey you yes you pick up that baby we're very general around the house we don't want to put labels on anything we don't want to put labels on anything we don't want to you know start saying you're you're the mom you're the dad because you know bumper podcast let's be frank we're not really sure about any of it not well hold on we're sure about who's what and who's who i should point that out oh i've gotten confused bumper podcast i have to say cold medicine is deliriously delir silly if i stuff it not it knocks you on your mental tuchus which is where i am and now i've completely lost my train of thought i am on the platform at the train station at the train of thoughts train station and i just saw the train roll off i have my ticket i paid for a ticket i have my ticket and i and i missed it i missed the train did i mention that i'm sick i don't do well when i'm sick bumper podcast i i wallow in sickness i fail in sickness i want to go to sleep so bad but the baby's sick and when the baby's sick nobody sleeps nobody no one know how no sleep bumper podcast

  • Bumperpodcast #22 – Talk like a sailor

    Bumperpodcast #22 – Talk like a sailor

    Talking like a sailor.
    **or**
    Someone put some salt in my speech!

    [Click the title to get to the episode!]

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    About This Episode

    In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar hilariously explores his concerns about using pirate and sailing terminology around his baby. Natty worries that his salty sailor talk – including phrases about swabbing the deck, keelhauling, and walking the plank – might be inappropriate for his young child. He shares funny moments of doing his Popeye impression and contemplates whether teaching his son about nautical knots and maritime language will cause problems at school. The episode delivers Natty's signature improvisational comedy as he navigates the challenges of parenthood while maintaining his colorful vocabulary.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Excuse me teacher but i'm going to have to ask you to walk the plank i don't want him to do that”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'll look to my wife and i'll say avast you squabbies get that baby out of the room before i keelhaul him”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Don't worry bumper podcast i would never keelhaul you you're my best friend”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #pirates #parenting #sailing #baby #popeye #nauticalterminology #familylife

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast remember last week that i promised you that we were gonna have some talk about pirates well here we go as you know i have a baby and let's just say that sometimes i talk a little bit salty and you know i try not to but sometimes it just slips out sometimes i'll walk around the house and i talk a little bit like a sailor i'm all like somebody forgot to squab the deck or i'll say something like who's gonna heel toe the witches which are devices that bring rope up onto the boat i say these things in front of my i used to in front of my baby or i would skip around the house and i go you oh who's the funniest little sailor around he has a tattoo of an anchor that was my popeye i was just being i was just being popeye whoa did you just hear my voice it went like that and that's not how pirates talk but now that i have a teeny tiny baby i just don't feel like it's appropriate to talk about rudders and aft and and um sails and stuff because he doesn't want i don't want him to go to school and start talking about people walking the plank excuse me teacher but i'm going to have to ask you to walk the plank i don't want him to do that i don't want him to show how many knots that he knows how to tie or maybe i do i don't know there's i'm still working all this out in my head it's a fluid situation because i'm talking of course about sailing fluid situation pirates you know all this stuff yes so sometimes if i'm in traffic or if i am nailing something and i hit my thumb with a hammer then i'll start to turn a bit red and my beard will get a little bit beardier and i'll look to my wife and i'll say avast you squabbies get that baby out of the room before i keelhaul him don't worry bumper podcast i would never keelhaul you you're my best friend

  • Bumperpodcast #11 – Off the Rails

    Bumperpodcast #11 – Off the Rails

    Not only were we off the rails in this episode – but – to my knowledge – I’m honestly not even sure if rails were even seen at any point.

    Better luck next time?!

    [Click the title to get to the episode!]

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    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is completely exhausted from life with his new "roommate" – his code word for his new baby. Natty struggles through the episode, rambling about accidentally having a metronome on during recording and trying to stay coherent despite severe sleep deprivation. He mentions he had planned to talk about world-changing inventions, but his bone-deep exhaustion derails those plans. Between references to dust having dust and his bone marrow being tired, Natty delivers a relatable and funny take on new parenthood while trying to maintain his hosting duties.

    Memorable Quotes

    “My bone marrow was tired, the crust on my eyes has crust, the dust on my dust has dust. I don't know what that even means, I just know I'm so sleepy all the time.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I have a code word for my baby, it's that he's my roommate and I didn't know if I was being explicit enough.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #newbaby #exhaustion #podcasthosting #improvisation

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: can i can i tell you guys wait i think i was normally when you can i you say like can i get a witness wait i have the metronome on man i'm dying here one second please all right i'm back now for you that was no time at all but for me there was i had to find metronome and turn it off because what i was hearing in my my ear was my babbling the music and so i was keeping i was i was i was babbling to a four four time and well we are off the rails today uh and i and i have to tell you why and i'm not blaming it on anyone but it's my new roommate you and he uh he i talked about him last week it's very exciting it was it still is it's tremendously exciting stuff uh he doesn't like i mean he doesn't like to sleep and uh i i can't sleep because i'm constantly um is the new roommate breathing what's the new roommate doing over there at 4 a.m when he he's gurgling he's making some funny noises let's go see what he's doing sleep no who needs to sleep sleep is for the week and for the people who don't have uh roommates i have a code word for my baby it's that he's my roommate and i didn't know if i was being explicit enough but i needed you to know i was supposed to this week talk about things i had topics i i i'd been i've been inventing things that i think are going to change the world that we live in today to make it a better place not one of those inventions that uh a slippery slope that takes us to badville bad time bad bad hold on bad sylvania that's what i was trying to say but my my uh my my lips kind of went oh i I gotta let you guys know the baby we had a code word my roommate he's awesome he's great i just have to figure out how to sleep again because my i was my bone marrow was tired the crust on my eyes has crust the dust on my dust has dust i don't know what that even means i just know i'm so sleepy all the time and i don't want to bring that to the bumper podcast so i shan't well maybe i shan i don't know we're gonna try to shan not but we might shan yes so it could shan either way and i just need to know i just need to make sure that you kids are with me solidarity

    Unknown: i'll keep on to the Wolverine see my childhood hi oh hi hi hey hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi