Tag: parenting

  • Bumperpodcast #186: There are no rails.

    Bumperpodcast #186: There are no rails.

    Natty Bumpercar talks about roller coasters, life, kittens, clouds in the sky, ice cream, apologies, and about a hundred other non-related things …

    If you are never on the track, is it possible for the train to go off the rails!? Let us know if you missed us by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Peep! Peep!

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 186, host Natty Bumpercar takes listeners on a stream-of-consciousness journey through his surprisingly good mood and the anxiety that comes with feeling happy. Natty uses a roller coaster metaphor to explore his emotions, worrying that what goes up must come down. The episode meanders through topics including kittens with needle-like claws, funny accents he's collected from strangers, and a sweet moment cloud-watching with Baby Bumpercar. True to form, Natty reflects on how many times he's apologized across 186 episodes and whether he can just issue one blanket apology instead. It's a charmingly scattered episode showcasing Natty's trademark improvisational humor and self-aware rambling.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was having a really good day I was pretty happy right when the show started and now that I'm talking about it I'm realizing that maybe there's terrible things on the horizon. God, and now wait here's what I just did to myself is wow who's being really manic today this guy.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I wonder how many times in this show I've apologized. There's like 186 episodes now and I wonder out of those 186 episodes how many times in those I have apologized.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It was one of those days where there were clouds everywhere and he was like 'where the shapes' and I was like I've got a decent imagination but I couldn't there was just nothing to work with.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #anxiety #happiness #kittens #accents #parenting #rollercoasters #cloudwatching #self-reflection

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: what's going on bumper podcast how you doing it's me natty bumper car and i gotta say i don't know what's going on maybe something in the air maybe it's something in the water maybe it's something in my food but i'm feeling pretty fantastic these days and the scary part of that is like now i've ridden the mine cart all the way to the top of the hill and i can see the whole world and i can see the sun is shining and i can see the birds are chirping and where do i have to go from here i hope it's not down but the thing is with a roller coaster is it really doesn't go you know just laterally or laterally straight for very long like you don't go click click click click click click click click click click click up the hill and then all of a sudden it's just sit at the top of the hill like that's not how it works you go up the hill then down the hill and maybe go around the corner then you do a loopy loop and then maybe go up a hill again and then you're done um so now i just made myself nervous huh i was having a really good day i was pretty happy right when the show started and now that i'm talking about a little bit and i'm realizing that maybe there's terrible things on the horizon god and now wait here's what i just did to myself is um wow who's being really manic today this guy uh so just by saying oh maybe something bad is gonna happen have i then invited something bad into to happen i hope not i i think i'd rather talk about kittens do you guys have any kittens i used to have kittens kittens are fun and adorable and cute and cuddly and their little claws are just like little needles they climb up your pants like when kittens are fun and adorable and cute and cuddly and their little they're first born and they can't even really walk i'm having some real uh uh dry throat thing happening i don't know if you heard that when i'm gulping uh to talk to talk uh i was at a show the other night and i guess this is non-tangental as if they ever aren't uh and uh this woman i was at a show and for some reason i got into the subject of uh dogs and cats and i said are you a dog person or a cat person and the one was like dog and said it in the most like i have an accent that you can't even believe dog and i was so thrilled by that because i love it when i hear people with like crazy thick accents because then i can put i try to remember what they are and i put them in my brain so that i can use them but the fun thing is is like if you're talking and you like want to put on an accent or whatever to talk to people you know i'm going to put on a funny voice to talk to you all right uh you know if i wanted to speak in a different manner such as this for instance um then i guess i could um but i like to go for the really extreme ones and then people are like oh people don't talk like that and it's just like no i really met a person and they talk crazy town like this and they're like all right all right all right um i don't feel like we've really talked about much today i feel like we've talked about well let me rephrase that a lot of things that didn't really make sense or relate to each other and i apologize i wonder how many times in this show i've apologized there's like 186 episodes now and i wonder out of those 186 episodes how many times in those i have apologized where i'm just like oh i'm sorry the mic wasn't working i'm sorry music didn't work or i'm sorry it's been four months since my last episode or whatever like um can i just do a general apology and then we'll go back and scrub all those other ones out god that just sounds like so much work i can barely manage to put up a new episode and all of a sudden i'm talking about scrubbing old episodes it's not going to happen bumper podcast cateers it just isn't how's your summer how's your kitten i mean i'm just asking these are questions that people ask people is it cloudy there the other day i was in the back porch with baby bumper car and we were looking up in the sky and we were looking at the clouds and we were trying to find different shapes but it was one of those days where there were clouds everywhere and he was like that where the shapes and i was like i and like i've got a decent imagination but i couldn't there was just nothing to work with and i was just like i i don't know that maybe looks like an ice cream cone and he was like what where ice cream man and i was like no ice cream cone in the sky and he's like i want

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  • Bumperpodcast #182: Snow

    Bumperpodcast #182: Snow

    Natty Bumpercar doesn’t love snow, and he’s afraid of alligators.

    Do you like snow? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Alligators are dinosaurs!

    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar returns to headquarters for a special recording session in episode 182 of Bumperpodcast. After setting up his equipment at home, Natty shares his strong opinions about snow and the exhausting process of getting children ready to play outside in winter weather. He humorously describes the irony of spending thirty minutes bundling up kids who only last a minute and a half in the snow. The episode takes an unexpected turn when Natty recounts a harrowing childhood encounter with an alligator while riding his bicycle through Florida marshlands, adding his characteristic comedic storytelling to the tale.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I love watching it on tv maybe getting some sort of status update from the snow. It's like hey I'm falling, I'm like cool good for you.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Really we just spent the last half hour getting you ready to come out here and play in the snow and now you're done really?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You're going downhill you see this thing you can't stop you can't turn around so you just gotta gun it and I did and I'm still here to tell the tale.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #winter #snow #parenting #childhoodmemories #florida #alligators #weather

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: after many moons and many stars and many far away things i'm back in headquarters and i'm recording on my actual recording equipment which is the best news ever for me and the best news for you but don't get used to it because it's probably for just this week i forgot something at home and i had to come all the way back to headquarters and then i looked at the time and i was like oh i've got time and i was like do i have time and i was like oh i have got some time and so i fired up the old equipment and then nothing worked and so then i used all the time that i thought i was gonna have to uh set everything back up and get everything working and it was so exciting and so thrilling that i was like i can't not record i have to record how could i not i'm here everything's set up and if i leave then everything's gonna get unset up and then it's all gonna vicious cycle i you know what i had to do wipe the slate clean and so here we are bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car coming to you as live as i get from headquarters on a very snowy day outside uh the uh the snow is deep and cold and icy and not pleasant not a fan of snow uh i love watching it on tv maybe getting uh you know some sort of status update about from the snow it's like hey i'm falling i'm like cool good for you good falling hey look at me i'm adrift now oh you're adrift that's great good for you love to hear it love to hear your update you know or maybe like get my end of the year kind of like here's what happened with the family this year oh great oh cool snow that sounds like so much fun but to actually be around it not so much no to walk through it to drive through it to uh have uh uh the tiny bumper cars that are like look at the snow and then you all right let's go out in the snow and then you got to get them all dressed up and here's your boots and here's your jacket i don't want to wear my jacket you put your jacket on i don't want to put my jacket on if you want to go outside you're gonna put your jacket on i don't want to put my jacket on i want to play in the snow what so you want to play in the snow naked because that's not allowed like i will go to jail if i allow my children to play in the snow naked and i you know what i'm not even uh boycotting that or saying that's a bad thing i think it's good that parents who send their kids out in the snow naked go to jail kids gotta have clothes on it's cold you can get frostbite you can lose tiny fingers tiny baby fingers and i don't want that to happen so then you go through the whole process getting them dressed and then they like burst out of the the front door like little cannonballs and then like they slip fall face first into the snow inside i want to go in so really we just spent the last half hour getting you ready to come out here and play in the snow and now you're done really all right let's go back inside nope can't go in the house yet let's stand here in the foyer and uh start uh unlayering and brushing the snow off and you know then the only one who's covered in snow at the end of the whole thing is daddy that's me meanwhile the they get to luxuriate they get to hang out in a nice warm bathtub uh that i i've filled for them and i also uh if i'm feeling really nice i'm gonna make them hot chocolate for what for being out in the snow for a minute and a half it's silliness god do you have snow where you are is it snowing there now just move we should all move i don't know where does cal does california have snow i know they like to party but i don't know if they have snow florida a little muggy little too many alligators can't do that i'm afraid of alligators did i tell you by the time when i was riding my bicycle this was a long time ago and i was like probably 12 14 through some woodland trails like in some marshes down near florida and uh and then i see up on the trail what is it i don't know i don't know oh a crocodile or an alligator it's an alligator and i was just like but he was probably like uh you know 15 18 whatever he was a little ways away from me and i was riding a bicycle as fast as i possibly could you know but it was a situation where you're going downhill you see this thing you can't stop you can't turn around so you just gotta gun it and i did and i'm still here to tell the tale he didn't even move i don't even know if he blinked he probably was just some sort of a uh statue

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  • Bumperpodcast #180: Feeling Moderate

    Bumperpodcast #180: Feeling Moderate

    Natty Bumpercar is feeling a might bit better – and is thrilled with modern medical technology. Is it magic – or – is it science? He has no idea!

    How do you feel? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Feeling better is better than felling not better!

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 180, host Natty Bumpercar shares a humorous update on his battle with bronchitis while juggling single-dad duties. Fresh from a trip to the x-ray store with his four-year-old son in tow, Natty reflects on the simple joy of breathing and navigating medical appointments with a goldfish-eating, iPad-toting toddler. Between bouts of coughing and wheezing, he delivers a lighthearted monologue about rediscovering modern medicine, evolving from a single-cell organism, and the awkward comedy of being a contagious patient. This episode showcases Natty's signature conversational style and self-deprecating humor while dealing with everyday parenting challenges.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You don't realize how much you love to breathe until there's an elephant sitting on your chest and you can't do it anymore.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I devolved into a single cell organism and now I'm evolving again. I'm re-evolving into whatever I was before.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I get it, you don't want me to breathe on you, and she just chuckled like oh that's right sicky.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #parenting #breathing #bronchitis #x-ray #modernmedicine #familylife #health

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well well well is it the bumper podcast and am i feeling a little bit better yes and yes double yes yes yes hooray hooray yippy skippy i gotta tell you guys modern medicine kind of amazing uh i mean i'm still sick my throat still hurts i'm still tired i'm still stuffy uh but i still have goop coming out of my eyes uh but with all that i no longer feel um like there's an elephant sitting on my chest which is great because you don't realize how much you love to breathe until uh there's an elephant sitting on your chest and you can't do it anymore i think at that point you're like you know what i miss uh that breathing that breathing was great why i can't i hope i get to breathe again because everybody else in the world seems to be enjoying breathing and i'm looking at them over there and over there doing all their breathing rubbing into my face a little bit that they're just like look at me take a breath oh uh last night i've got so i've got bronchitis that's what i have uh but last night i uh i got to go to the uh x-ray place the x-ray store where you go and get your x-rays and uh and uh first thing that happened it was kind of funny to me because i walked in and i had a four-year-old baby bumper car with me he was toting the ipad and eating goldfish and uh drinking a juice box because that's how we roll but so i get to the front desk and the lady i sign in and everything and and she looks at me and looks down at him and says uh so um did you bring somebody to watch him and i was like oh oh oh i didn't i didn't bring anybody to watch him because the wife was at home with the baby who has all sorts of ear infections happening this is too much so then i was like oh yeah i'm getting an x-ray so he probably can't hang out in the room with me and get exposed to doses of x-ray radiation or whatever it is that they use to take the pictures i'm assuming it's it right is it radiation yes oh so um luckily you know it worked out because uh there was a changing room he sat in there he didn't move more than a half an inch and the lady from the front desk uh just kind of watched him and she was very nice and you know it was it was it was fine it was good but then i go in and the girl says so i had to take two i think two different pictures and she she said all right you gotta put your chest against this thing and she's like pushing contorting my shoulders and neck and chin and moving hands and arms and moving me all around and uh all right take a deep breath hold it hold it i did that and then as soon as it was time to let the breath out because again i'm still getting used to this whole how people breathe thing oh it hurt so bad i was coughing everywhere and uh i tried to get away from her but she had to come over and reconfigure me for a different picture and she said look that way and i said through the wheezing and gasping and coughing i was like i get it you don't want me to breathe on you and she just chuckled like oh that's right sicky i don't want you to breathe on me perfect so then she took the other picture breathe in hold it and that time a little bit better i'm telling you i'm really figuring this whole breathing thing out pretty soon uh i might be able to breathe through my nose which is going to be crazy i mean crazy crazy i'm evolving is what i'm telling you i devolved into a single cell organism and now i'm evolving again i'm re-evolving re-evolving into whatever whatever i was before awesome yeah of course so then i finished the thing go out he's still sitting there grab him we go get some dinner me and a kid it was a great night all the way around um so thanks for sticking in with me glad that you're glad that i'm so much better how are you feeling i realize i've spent this whole time talking about me that's not acceptable

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  • Bumperpodcast #179: Airport

    Bumperpodcast #179: Airport

    Natty Bumpercar is at an airport and wants to tell you all about his day … He is also coming off the flu – so – it might not make much sense.

    Do you ever make sense? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Sense is for sensible folk!

    About This Episode

    In episode #179 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records from a terrible airport restaurant while waiting for his flight. Dealing with the flu, last-minute travel packing, and a particularly difficult parenting moment, Natty shares the story of missing his four-year-old's field trip and the heartbreaking conversation that followed. Between navigating distant airport parking lots, fire alarms in the bathroom, and questionable shrimp decisions, Natty reflects on the chaos of modern travel and the guilt that comes with work-life balance. This candid, solo episode captures the humor in everyday disasters and the universal experience of feeling like everything is falling apart at once.

    Memorable Quotes

    “He looked more hurt and let down and sad than I think he ever has with me before and so it was one of those parenting moments you know it was just like daddy has to go to work.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The thing is is I got a flu shot so you know what I shouldn't have the flu but I do and I'm getting on an airplane so I'm guessing I'm gonna be sick for about another year.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm gonna eat some shrimp because why not get food poisoning before going on a business trip I think it's probably my best move.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #travel #parenting #airports #guilt #illness #work-lifebalance #comedy

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i am coming to you a little bit quiet today and that is because i am sitting in an airport but not just at an airport at a terrible restaurant in an airport because i forgot to eat food and my flight leaves in an hour and oh here comes the waitress hold on thank you very much and um so i figured now it's a good time to say hello to you because it is wednesday it's the day of bumper podcast here is me opening my straw oh yeah this is a big day so let me tell you a little about my day i got up early i uh missed a field trip uh the first time i've had to do that for my uh for baby bumper car now four-year-old bumper car and it was a terrible time around headquarters last night it was one of the most depressing times i've had in a while he looked uh more hurt and uh and let down and sad than i think he ever has with me before and so it was one of those parenting moments you know it was just like daddy has to go to work and i even like threw in i was just like daddy you know to get the food we have and to have the house that we have i did that to him he's four it didn't mean anything to him and so then i uh capitulated i was beaten down and what i went and did ended up doing was uh i was like do you want do you want me to get you a prize from wherever it is that i'm going because i can do that i can get you a surprise which he immediately goes to well what is it i don't know it's a surprise you know well what is it where are you getting it the place i'm going is i'll get it from there you know that general area that town and what it is i haven't seen it i'm not there i'm here so i don't know well what is it okay and this was about a half an hour back and forth so then but today everything was pretty fine he calmed down a little bit i calmed down a little bit uh i also have the flu because why wouldn't i be sick uh i'm at the tail end of it saturday i couldn't move it was one of those things i was laying down just waves washing over me with pains have you ever and but the thing is is i got a flu shot so you know what i shouldn't have the flu but i do um and i'm getting on an airplane so i'm guessing i'm gonna be sick for about another year um so then today drop him off at school uh drop the tiny one off at school i had to slather his face with uh uh neosporin because he's all sick and his face is all bloody yucky it's all raw it's so sad when babies aren't happy it's so sad but he's he's all right he's fine and so then i i went home and i i packed haven't been on an airplane in a couple years so it's kind of exciting but i'm also uh constantly thinking i'm forgetting stuff um but so far so good i got to the airport i went to the uh the overnight parking and found out that it was gonna cost me fifty dollars and i said no no i want your cheapest i'll have your cheapest parking good sir and so then off i drove about four miles away like down roads that weren't even roads and every so often a sign would come up and say um yeah sure there's a parking lot down here and i'm a believing fellow a chap so all i went and i got there got on the bus came to the proper airline and um and i got in everything's great and then i went i went had to go potty because i went to the bathroom and i was in there and the fire alarm went off and i mean the most painful thing ever like ears popping painful and uh it was me and there were three other guys in there and uh they all we all looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders because that's what you do in social situations for instance i had two tables down from me but this kid just looked over at me because i'm recording something so i'm talking to myself and uh he shrugged again because again the shrug is the universal hey what's going on i don't know i don't do you know what's going on i have no idea so now i'm in a terrible restaurant i got an hour and 25 minutes before my flight i'm gonna eat some shrimp because why not get food poisoning before going on a business trip i think it's probably my best move and um i've been caught up you know my day better than i do so i hope you have a good day and that you're not at an airport bye

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  • Bumperpodcast #178: Baby sleep

    Bumperpodcast #178: Baby sleep

    Natty Bumpercar is so tired. He thinks that the baby is out to get him … In fact, he knows it!

    Do you sleep? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Sleep is fun!

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar delivers a sleep-deprived monologue about the trials of parenting a baby who refuses to sleep. Exhausted and confused, Natty hilariously describes the contradictory advice from everyone about teething, feeding schedules, and mysterious gas bubbles. From teething rings to apple parsnip cinnamon surprise, Natty has tried everything to help the baby sleep. The episode culminates in Natty's realization that the baby has made a democratic decision to revolt against sleep itself, declaring himself Captain Baby who will take everyone down with the ship. This relatable comedy will resonate with any parent who has survived the baby years.

    Memorable Quotes

    “The weird thing is he's siding with the teeth. He's like mama dada why you mean to my teeth. Wait what? I don't know. There's no logic, we're all tired.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He's the type of captain who's not the only one who's going down with the ship. Captain baby has decided that there'll be no sleep and no sleep there will be.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #babies #sleepdeprivation #teething #fatherhood #advice #exhaustion

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: good evening bumper podcast hey what it's not the evening it's the morning here's the thing i don't even know anymore i don't know hair from wait head heads from tails yeah all right hair i was like i don't know hair some snails like i don't i'm so tired i'm so tired here's what happens you have you have a baby a sweet cute little baby and he's adorable and he goes goo goo and gaga and he crawls a little bit he needs some food whatever you're changing diapers uh and then he doesn't sleep and people are then everyone's got an opinion as to why he's not sleeping and what you could be doing better to get him to sleep so they say things like oh hey well he's teething you know he's always teething you're like all right you know i so he's okay look at those gums are you giving him uh teething re yeah we're giving him teething rings we're giving him you know the the whatever the baby medicine that you give babies for the teething you we uh we we've pleaded with the teeth the teeth at this point are holding the baby captive if you're if you're to believe what everyone else is saying like the teeth are essentially this uh evil force that has moved into the baby and is is and the weird thing is is he now uh is he's siding with the teeth you know and we're the like why he's we're the enemy like he's like mama dada why you mean to my teeth you know it's like wait what i don't know oh come on dude there's no logic we're all tired the uh then people say well you're not feeding that baby enough at night so that's why he's staying away no i i mean like every night he gets fed uh once at his school and then he comes home and i continue to shovel food down down the baby's uh gullet i'm like here's some what is this oh look at this apple parsnip cinnamon surprise yum let's eat it there's one down right hey let's have a bottle let's have some you know little puffs let's have some yogurt bits you know like these are all things the child eats and uh so what i'm telling you is before he's put to bed he's essentially been eating for you know several hours uh so there's you know wow oh well then you're feeding him too much what you just told me i wasn't feeding him enough and now he's getting gas he's getting gas bubbles there's no gas bubbles i give him pats i do the little burp hold them up on my chest pata pata pata pata pata pata pata burp right so there's that oh well no then it's not that kind of gas it's the other kind of gas it's it's all gas that keeps the baby awake you know it's i can't get to the point where i'm gonna pinpoint exactly exactly what what's kind of uh you know gas it could be but i'm i'm ruling out gas i all i'm saying that the child has made a he's voted within himself and he has made a democratic decision to uh revolt wait now hold on if you do a democratic decision can you still revolt i don't know how that works because you voted on it so maybe it's just within the legal hmm he's done a democratic i don't know what he's done i'm not good at politics hey you know one of the things we don't talk about around the dinner table is politics uh he's made a decision that he doesn't want to sleep he won't sleep and he's the type of captain who he's not the only one who's going to go down with the ship he's going to take everyone down with him there'll be no doubt about it he's going to go down with the ship he's going to take dinghies there'll be no lifeboats captain baby has decided that there'll be no sleep and no sleep there will be

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