Tag: parenting

  • Bumperpodcast #197: Bumpercar Blithering

    Bumperpodcast #197: Bumpercar Blithering

    Natty Bumpercar blithers on about a lot of tangents in this weeks episode of the Bumperpodcast. A lot of rocks are kicked – and a lot of bugs came out.

    Do you blither? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In episode 197 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar records while battling a November cold, creating a delightfully rambling episode about post-Halloween recovery. Natty muses about the absurdity of greeting people in song, shares a hilarious story about accidentally leaving Donkey Kong sound effects playing during recording, and confesses to being "patient zero" while trick-or-treating with his kids. The episode takes unexpected turns discussing carbon consumption, failed attempts at making cheesy bread, and the horrors of using a new neti pot. With his signature stream-of-consciousness style amplified by congestion, Natty delivers a relatable and funny meditation on parenting, sickness, and surviving the holiday season.

    Memorable Quotes

    “what i went as is patient zero…when i take your candy i'm also giving you the gift of congestion and uh stuffy noses”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “he looked at my eyes and he said you're not eating enough carbon and i said i am not sure that that's true”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “now i'm a race car driver with a tail boom take that”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #halloween #parenting #sickness #donkeykong #trick-or-treating #nutrition #healthremedies #cooking

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh no bumper podcast i have got the sickness i made it all the way to november that was very sing-songy how i just did the introduction did you hear that it was like i was uh singing a song about saying hi we should do that how much more fun would the world be if people whenever they saw each other they were just like hey bob how you doing i like your new shoes hey sue what how are you i guess it would be terrible is what would end up happening uh so you know what we should not i guess we can't you can't if you want i'm not gonna be the the arbiter i'm not gonna be the rule maker if you feel like making songs uh whenever you see people then you should do that i have to pause for a second because something crazy is happening all right we're back and i don't know if you guys are hearing it but what i was hearing somewhere in my browser uh there were like a hundred tabs open and um i i set up on a friend of mine's website uh so that you could play donkey kong uh if you go to a certain page and and because it was broken and i fixed it and blah blah blah anyway it was still open and so randomly every so often i would hear like or the uh donkey kong doing his which actually it works out well that i'm kind of sick because i don't think i would be able to make that noise as effectively as i just did if i wasn't um a little under the weather uh so tell me about yourself bumper podcast did you make it through halloween in one piece are you uh diabetic now because i hope you're not because that doesn't feel like a good way to be are you healthy is what i want to know are you balancing your uh sugary snacks with other snacks like pretzels for instance uh hunks of bread can i tell you what i made myself for food for today uh cheesy bread and i burnt it so the cheese is black on top which is perfect because i need to eat more carbon i think that's exactly i we went to a dietician and he said he looked at my eyes and he said you're not eating enough carbon and i said i am not sure that that's true i don't know a lot about physical science uh but i think and you can correct me if i'm wrong bumper podcast kateers uh but everything is made of carbon and so yes i'm eating carbon is everything made of carbon i don't really know that is everything made of atoms is everything made of molecules yes i mean these things i think are definitely possibly true probably matter antimatter i had no idea we were going to talk about this i would have done my homework uh dark matter dark energy all right all right i'm just saying words at this point let's not talk about science anymore it makes me feel kind of dumb when i because it's one of those things where it was in my brain and you know you start talking about it and you just hear yourself saying the words and you're like no those words don't go together the way that you're saying the bumper car as a matter of fact and then you're like oh my god i don't know what to do with this now i'm officially just talking to myself as opposed to you bumper podcast what was your halloween costume this year mine was uh pretty much anything that my children threw off themselves as we were on the trick-or-treating path dada don't want this hat you wear it all right well now i'm a race car driver dada uh my tail falls off you take all right now i'm a race car driver with a tail boom take that now i'm a race car driver with a tail boom take that now i'm a race car driver i bet you didn't see that coming that kind of monster up on your on your track course driving car i uh so i didn't go as any and i felt bad but i also you know don't care i went as a really tired looking dad is what i went as a tired looking dad who was probably contagious because i was at the very beginning of my sickness and so what i went as is patient zero uh the unknowing un un unbeknownst to everyone else that when i take your candy i'm also giving you the gift of congestion and uh stuffy noses i um do you guys have you ever used a neti pot i just got it's one of those things you put your nose and you squeeze and salt water goes up and it's weird but it makes your brain feel better i got a new one yesterday but it's a different shape and it's horrible it's the worst thing in the world worse even than this

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  • Bumperpodcast #196: More Halloween styles

    Bumperpodcast #196: More Halloween styles

    Natty Bumpercar talks Halloween – Halloween – Halloween! Costumes, being a tracker, webs, candy, pumpkins, jack-o-lanterns … And, resumes!

    Do you Halloween? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this Halloween-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a costume crisis just two days before Halloween. The costumes he ordered online for his family—including a blue monster with googly eyes and a bunny rabbit inspired by Richard Scarry's Nicholas—are stuck in transit. Natty humorously discusses his failed attempts at tracking the shipment and jokes about his qualifications as a post-apocalyptic tracker. He also shares the chaos of decorating Bumperpodcast headquarters with spiderwebs, his struggle to find time for pumpkin carving in a busy parent schedule, and his desperate need to roast pumpkin seeds before the season ends.

    Memorable Quotes

    “If the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man. I will well I mean I'm not doing such a good job at it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've tied knives to the dog and I've pointed him towards the pumpkins so I suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Pumpkin seeds are delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat salt.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #halloween #costumes #parenting #pumpkincarving #holidays #onlineshopping #timemanagement

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes what's going on everybody it's me natty bumper car and it's the bumper podcast and it's one of the best days of the year why because we're so close to halloween yeah oh boy oh boy oh boy that was real excitement but the thing is i don't have a costume uh the baby bumper car's costume is still in transit so we're two days away now and no one has a costume we're supposed to wander all around town in what nothing we don't have anything this is a real situation that we have i i i live in the future you all know that and so i went online and i i ordered the uh the the costumes we picked stuff out everyone was signed off on it yes i want to be a blue monster with googly eyes and i forget what the rest of the costume is and a beard is what one of them is going to be and the other one's going to be a bunny rabbit because okay richard scary uh what's his name nicholas the bunny those are fine costumes when they get to your house but now they're not here they're in transit i don't know where transit is and i i get numbers tracking numbers and i'm trying like a tracker i'm like a hunter gatherer who has gone out into the wild and is tracking the costumes so if if the world ever ends if the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man i i will well i mean i'm not doing such a good job at it i want to i don't know if that should be part of my uh resume or part of the interview process i think just the fact that i have the title of tracker is probably good enough i i think that you know that maybe i don't do such a good job maybe you know if you ask me i'm gonna say yeah of course i know how to track and i would rather you not talk to uh any of the people that i'm gonna give you their names for any uh of of my uh or whatever those people are called when you have uh your what are those people called i've been those people before you know hey can you vouch for me vouchers it's not a voucher it's a uh resume people man all right well you know what we're gonna forget that because i have no idea what i'm trying to say anyway tracker bumper car that's me if you need something found i'm your man what are you guys gonna do for halloween what are you gonna be anything are you gonna you're gonna wear costumes are you gonna you're gonna go out and get some candy is your house all decorated we uh we decorated headquarters like pretty well like i got a lot of those webs and i put them on bushes and i put them on the house and i made like you actually have to walk under the webs to get into the house which uh people are not happy with anyone who comes to the house is just like dude why are all the webs everywhere i'm like well it's halloween time this is halloween everybody make a scream halloween halloween halloween time we got three pumpkins that we have not carved yet because who has time to carve pumpkins no one you get up you drop people off at school you go to work you go pick people up from school you can get home you've got homework you've got dinner you've got bath time you've got to read some books sing some songs and then everybody's asleep there's no pumpkin time and then did you hear even a gap a minute a minute um no you did not hear a minute because there's none ah so what i've done is i've i've tied knives i've tied knives to the dog and i've pointed him towards the pumpkins so i suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done hopefully it's got a scary spooky face and a jack-o'-lantern smile or frown or whatever they have no i don't know i don't know maybe we're just gonna have pumpkins this year maybe we'll paint them i could paint a lot faster than i can cut but if i do that you know what i'm not gonna get pumpkin seeds and i need pumpkin seeds this for the rest the entire year i don't have pumpkin seeds and this is the season of year where i get my my pumpkin seed quota gets filled right now we're in the red i would like to get to the black with pumpkin seeds because they're delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat so let's do this halloween now

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  • Bumperpodcast #191: King of tired mountain

    Bumperpodcast #191: King of tired mountain

    Natty Bumpercar is the King, Prince, Queen, and Knave of tired mountain – because the children are tag-team beating him up, down, left, and right.

    Do you sleep? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar proclaims himself the king of Tired Mountain as he hilariously vents about parental exhaustion. Between philosophical musings about whether other children even exist in the world and complaints about mismatched sleep schedules, Natty delivers a relatable comedy routine about life with two young kids. Rufus T. Rufus makes a brief appearance to agree that children are "little beasts." The episode captures the universal struggle of parents dealing with tag-team nighttime wakings, comparing it to being a scrub in a wrestling match getting their hat handed to them. This is a must-listen for tired parents everywhere or anyone who enjoys Natty's sleep-deprived rambling.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I am the king of Tired Mountain. I am really the entire lineage of Tired Mountain. I'm the prince, I'm the king, I'm the queen, and the princess, and the duke, and the knave.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “No! Children don't have reasonable thoughts! They're little beasts! They're little monsters!”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “It's basically like a tag team match where I'm just a scrub in the ring, getting my hat handed to me, all day, every day!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #children #exhaustion #familylife #fatherhood

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Hi Bumper Podcast, it's me Natty Bumpercar. And what were those noises you were just hearing? Those are the only noises that are keeping me awake right now, because I am the king of Tired Mountain. I am really the entire lineage of Tired Mountain. I'm the prince, I'm the king, I'm the queen, and the princess, and the duke, and the knave. I'm every aspect of Tired Mountain right now. And why, you may be asking, are you complaining about this Natty Bumpercar? People have… Lives, where they go and do things, and maybe they're tired too, and that's fine! And I am happy to talk to you about that at some point, about how tired you are, because I'm interested in what you're doing, and your life, and how you feel, and what you do, but right now, it's very, very important that we talk about me and how tired I am. I'm phenomenal, I mean like, here's the thing, I've got children, and I don't know if anyone else on this show has children. I don't know if anyone else on this show has children. I don't know if anyone else on the planet has children. My reports are inconclusive. I do, I go to libraries, and I try to read books to see it, and there are children in books. I have seen children on TV shows, children in movies, I've read stories about children, but I don't really know if they're true, if they exist, or if they're just figments of people's imaginations. Like, I've read stories where people have gnomes, where people have… Gryffins? I haven't really read many stories about Gryffins, and I feel like I went too far with that one. I've read stories about baby elephants that wear crowns. I have definitely read those, but here's what I'm saying, when you see all these things and you read all these things, are they true at all? Like, I don't know. What am I supposed to believe? I'm supposed to believe the thing that is in my life that is… Keeping me up every single night of my life. Like, why can't you just sleep? And these children of mine… Here's the thing, Bumper Podcast, how are you, by the way? I've missed you. Here's the thing, you have one children, child, one children, children? You have one children, yeah, that's right. And he gets a little bit older, and he starts to sleep through the night, and you're like, we made it, we did it, we are finally here. We're there. High five. What? Another children into the picture? That's two childrens. And now what happens? The new one's schedule is all wackadoo crazy time. Sorry, I saw myself slipping a little bit there, and I felt like I needed to sound the alarm to wake myself back up. So, then you have two different kids. Uh, with different schedules, and they don't match up, it's not like one's gonna be like, I'm gonna go to sleep now, and the other one's gonna be like, you know what, I'm gonna go to sleep too, because that's a reasonable thought.

    Rufus T. Rufus: No! Children don't have reasonable thoughts! They're little beasts! They're little monsters!

    Natty Bumpercar: I love them, I mean, I love them to pieces, and I feel, I'm gonna retract the last statement about them being monsters, I will keep beasts in, because, let's be honest, children are beasts. Um, but here's the thing, so the schedules, do I say here's the thing a lot? I feel like I've heard myself, uh, say that several times. I need like a, here's the thing bell. Maybe that's my new catchphrase. Hey, here's Natty Bumpergar, wait, no, it's Natty Bumpergar with here's the thing! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Their schedules don't match up. So then, when I go to sleep, and they wake up, they wake up right after I go to sleep! It's, it's, it's cruel torture! My eye, my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut, and then I hear, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da! And I'm like, oh, I gotta go see what's going on in this kid. And then I go and I fix that kid, takes a while, go back to bed, and then as soon as my head hits the pillow, the other one! Da-da, da-da, da! Oh, I got a do-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, I got a do-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ah. And, so it's basically like a tag team match. Where I'm just a scrub, in the ring, getting my hat handed to me, all day, every day!

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  • Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    The guests have been booted away from the Bumperpodcast – and given satchels of food for their travels. Natty Bumpercar doesn’t like eating – or – running.

    Do you like to get to the bottom of things? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 190, Natty Bumpercar kicks the children out of headquarters after receiving feedback from listeners. Flying solo, Natty rambles about his complicated relationship with food, from his brief obsession with superfood smoothies to his current dilemma of eating making him feel sluggish. He muses about running marathons, the logistics of exercise, and the unfortunate fact that Bumpercar headquarters sits in a valley where every direction is uphill. The episode showcases Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy as he flip-flops between liking and disliking food, accidentally creates a song about getting up to get down, and admits he'll never be a politician due to his wishy-washy stance on eating.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down you clown.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why I'll never be a politician because I flip-flop back and forth.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #food #eating #health #exercise #running #smoothies #parenting

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car it's the bumper podcast it's whatever day today is and hey look at this no children on this week's episode why natty bumper car oh well because we actually got mail email uh messages where the people were just like no no no no more of that that was not no we can't no no so we kicked the children out and not even just out of the studio out of out of the house out of headquarters they are wandering around i gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and uh some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p they eat persimmons they eat peanuts and of course they will occasionally eat you know uh plum that's another thing that they eat really there's a lot of foods that begin with the letter p and speaking of foods i feel like i'm at a point in my life right now where i don't i don't like food i don't like to eat it doesn't make me feel good it makes me feel sluggish and tired and not so good well maybe that's the kind of food you're eating natty maybe it is i don't know i was on a kick for a few months where i was making these smoothie things with like oh look i'm just gonna throw some kale in here and some carrots and some uh apples and some berries and some yogurt and some uh oatmeal like i'm just making spirulina bee pollen like all this stuff was going into my uh my smoothie thing and i am depressed to admit that i actually felt that way when i was doing this and i don't know why i've stopped all of a sudden um i think my brain was just like got sick of i think i started missing chewing or something like that where i was just like i remember chewing that was fun but then here's the thing i chew i go and i eat that kind of food and uh guess what i don't feel so good like i just want to take a nap i eat and then i want to take a nap that's not how you want to feel you want to eat and feel better and then go run a marathon or whatever it is people do do people do that can you eat and then run a marathon or is it like swimming where you can't run a marathon for like an hour after you eat because you'll get cramps i don't know i don't run marathons i barely run at all because running to me is just it just sounds like so much work like what i'm supposed to do i i gotta put i gotta find my shoes i don't gotta put them on i gotta find my shoes i gotta find some socks i you know i gotta some basically i gotta get dressed if i gotta tie my shoes probably gotta tie them properly there's probably a way that you have to tie your shoes that enables you to run more better i don't know and the thing is everywhere around headquarters is uphill we're in a gully we're in a gulch we're in a valley so if i'm gonna run anywhere it's gonna be running straight up no thanks thank you and you could think to yourself well the run back is gonna be easier you're just gonna you know you could just lay down and roll back to roll back to the headquarters and i'm like well yeah but i gotta get up before i can get down hold on a second did you hear what just happened because i did because you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you clown is not the song i don't know why i said clown at the end there i mean it rhymed sure but i think if you look at linearly at the whole conversation it doesn't make a ton of sense so what have we talked about today no children uh they do eat foods that came with the letter p which turned this into a weird sesame street episode all of a sudden uh i myself natty bumper guard do not like to eat you know i would i might go on a hunger strike i did just have some cereal though it was pretty delicious oh maybe i do like to eat i'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why i'll never be a politician because i flip-flop back and forth so what is it bumper guard do you like to eat do you not like to eat why don't you tell me why don't you make a stand and i'm like i don't know i guess when i'm hungry i like to eat you know i do like to do i like to drink tea but that's not food it's not sustenance it's just caffeine really which is there anything better in the world than caffeine there is why won't you tell me what it is please

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  • Bumperpodcast #188: Vacation is hard

    Bumperpodcast #188: Vacation is hard

    Natty Bumpercar talks about his vacation and the new friend that he met while on vacation.

    Do you vacation? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar shares a hilarious tale from his recent family beach vacation. What should have been a relaxing getaway turns into comedy gold when a giant bat invades their tiny cabin in the middle of the night. Natty recounts the chaos of dealing with disrupted children's sleep schedules, missing toys, and pillows, only to have everything escalate when his mother-in-law discovers the unwelcome flying visitor. Listen as he describes the madcap attempts to remove the bat using beach towels, the creature's terrifying sonar-guided flights directly at people's heads, and the horrifying moment when the bat disappears into the walls. This energetic episode perfectly captures the exhausting reality of family vacations.

    Memorable Quotes

    “We need to invent some sort of bat muffler like a little jacket or a vest that bats can wear so they don't sound so disgustingly horribly grossy yuck when they're flying around.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It was a giant giant bat like take your children away type of bat and when I opened the door he flew at the door because his little sonar was just like oh there's food over there.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The bat is in the walls now people the bat is in the walls so everybody now baby wife me kid all in the same tiny room not enough room to move not enough room to breathe. Vacations are stressful.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #vacation #family #beach #bats #parenting #comedystorytelling #travelmishaps

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well this is a hoot nanny is what this is hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast oh i actually i recorded 27 seconds a few seconds minutes ago and i listened to it and i was so low energy and i was so depressed and like i was just like i can't even put this out on the internets i don't want these people to have to listen to this garbage garbage no what i want them to listen to is happy bumper car right yes of course my goodness bumper car you're running the bumper podcast the best ship in the seas of all podcasts you should be happy so let me do this i will tell you that last week i went on vacation with the family we went to the beach and um it was it was it was nice if you've ever vacationed with children you know how exhausting it is because everything is disrupted where am i sleeping what am i eating what am i doing why can't i watch my shows you know like what i don't know where my sis toy is well that toy is back at home i want to go back home why would you we're at the beach you should stay here at the beach and play it's much more fun i want my pillow do you have this pillow now for you know it's like it's fun and then so you add on to the uh madcap bedlam uh of the kitties and their broken sleep patterns and and whatnot and uh and we throw in there into the mix ladies and gentlemen the monkey wrench that was a bat a bat a bat in our cabin in our tiny teeny little cabin that had one two three four five six people in it uh it's eight square feet i don't really know how square feet work but i know it's tiny and um one night middle of the night uh there's uh someone's in my room and it was my mother-in-law and she said there's a bat there's a bat in here and i was like what where's her bat i don't see a bat she's like it's out there in the living room kitchen area oh and then you hear now i can hear him flying around flapping his wings and it was terrifying bat sounds terrible when they're flying like they're i they're we need to invent some sort of bat muffler like a uh maybe some felt or something like a little jacket or a little uh a vest that bats can wear so they don't sound so disgustingly horribly grossy yuck when they're flying around because when they're flying it's just like i don't want to hear that so i open the door to assess the situation you know it's just like in my head is this like a little bat or what no it was a giant giant bat like take your children away type of bat and he when i opened the door he flew at the door because i guess his little sonar was just like oh there's food over there i'm gonna go and eat i know so i slammed the door the bat went some other place so then i had to crawl to the window to all the doors and say don't leave your door there's a bat in there he's on you to go in there because there's a bat he's flying around you'll even be right and uh open the back door open the screen doors to the bat you know oh maybe he's gonna do what he did to me and just fly right out this door no he keeps flying father-in-law has a a towel a beach towel big beach towel that's just flopping in the air hits the bat bat falls on the ground does not fly he's flying around able to uh put the towel on top of the bat to get him out so the bat gets back up he's flying around some more circles right at your head like i was i was it was very comical it was very like i'm in a movie and this is what people look like in movies when they're trying to get away from a bat it was me uh trying not to yell out any horrible words uh because the bat and then the bat disappears into the wall there's a heating vent no one believes me that i see the bat going to the heating vent they're all like no he escaped you didn't see him i saw him we leave a towel on top of the heating vent a few days later wife screams in the middle of the night wife screams i run into the room scratch scratch scratch scratch the bat is in the walls now people the bat is in the walls so everybody now baby wife me kid all the same tiny room not enough room to move not enough room to breathe vacations are stressful

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