Is Headquarters under attack? No … well, kind of. It is under attack from inside of it’s very own walls. Natty Bumpercar, Pig and Robot end up trapped in the Bumperpodcast booth as they try to escape from the rampaging Baby Bumpercar.
Listen to find out if anyone makes it out in one piece – on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast!
There I was, on the couch, enjoying a three and a quarter minute respite. When all of a sudden, from out of the blue, I felt a tumultuous little beast approach. In a blur, in a flash, he had scampered up the couch – and I made the mistake of not paying attention.
The boy was angered (but, really, not so much). I had turned the other cheek. I had pushed him aside for sleep. I had not given him his proper due.
So, while standing at my knees, he turned and looked away, and then, he stood and started to bounce. He thought about the rest of his day and then he probably started to smile – before he, with a healthy dose of abandon, blindly threw himself backwards.
The back of his head is made of rock – but – the bridge of my nose is totally not. A lightning of pain and stars exploded in my head.
I fell off of the couch, rolling around and yowling like a seriously injured cat – and Ma Bumpercar ran into the room to see what all of the commotion was about. I was still on the floor, and my hands were over my face and I said “I tink he brode my node … I tink he brode my node …” I heard her rush over and say “No, Baby Bumpercar … No.” Evidently – he saw his opportunity to finish me off and had perched himself on the edge of the couch – where he was getting ready to pounce on me.
After some internet research and some staring in the mirror, I took some Tylenol and put an ice pack into the boo-boo bear and sat on the couch. Baby Bumpercar got excited that I was using his boo-boo bear and started dancing around and running up to me to snatch him away while fanatically yelling the word “Bear” over and over.
I went to a show that night with a puffy face looking moderately like a raccoon and terribly joked that I could either be called Natty Bump-on-nose – or – Puff Natty – both of which actually hurt to type out – because they are that unfunny. I was told over and over that I needed to go to a doctor – that it was so-so broken (or at least fractured) … I was undecided as to what to do. I figured that I would sleep on it.
I was, honestly, kind of excited about the prospect of having a broken nose … I’ve never broken anything other than an errant toe or two … and think of the story! My 22 month old breaks my nose … how tremendous is that?! Imagine what he’s going to be doing to me when he is 4 … Imagine how great that pain is going to be!
The next morning, I was super-puffy and the nose still hurt – so I went to the doctor and spent the entire day hanging out, getting looked at and eventually getting x-rayed. My doctor said that he “would be shocked if it wash’t broken” and that he “had a guy” who could fix me right up … He “had a guy”?! How exciting was that? I love it when people have specific people who can do specific situational jobs/things … it reminded me of when I had a truck and lived in Brooklyn … People would be talking about having to move some stuff and, I’m guessing, they would be hit with the phrase “You’re moving? Well – I have got a guy that can definitely help you with that …” – – and then I wondered – – what kind of situation is there that comes up where am I still “the guy” – – and then I got sad.
When I missed the nurse calling back with the results – they couldn’t have been more underwhelming … “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.” What?! Seriously, what did that even mean? I had to call her back to find out – which seemed to make her angry … as she said, almost verbatim, “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.”
And that, my friends, is how you end a story with a whimper … The nose wasn’t broken … Just bruised really bad. So – it looks like this round went to my nose, Baby Bumpercar … Better luck next time!
On a quick side-note … I hope that there isn’t a ‘next time’ … because if not breaking my nose hurt as bad ad it did – then – I can’t even moderately comprehend how much the real deal would hurt. Maybe I’ll just invest in a lot of bubble wrap – or – a face mask – or – a marshmallow nose guard – or – something?!
I was at the big store walking around the other day – and found myself mulling around the tissue aisle. Needless to say – I was pretty put out by how terrible the box designs were – but one thing did manage to tweak my interest in a moderately positive way. It was a box – sligtly unlike the other boxes . . .Â it was almost like there was a slight glow – the glow of health and supremacy – coming from the box. I had to stop and investigate.
It was a box of Puffs plus . . . with Vicks. “They have gone too far!” I yelled in my head. “How many more things can they possibly add to a tissue?” I needled at myself. I then – while holding a box – looked at a lady – arched my eyebrow and said with measured incredulity “This is simply too much!” as I tossed the box back onto the shelf and went on my merry way. I am pretty sure that she agreed with me.
The only problem was that the gears, cogs and wheels in my head started spinning – as they often do with new products – and then I came to the conclusion that I needed to try them. So – on my way to the pencil factory – where we make the best pencils in the business – I picked up a box. My world has changed – yet again – this time for the better.
I love them so much. I just wave them around in the air – smelling the Vicks smell feeling my breathing get a tiny bit less constricted and getting slightly nauseous. Then – when it is actually time to use them – it is confusing bliss. The need to blow my nose gets all twisted up with the desire to breath in deep the aroma of health – and things get goopy. I am still working on the goopy part. I will overcome.
Next up will be tissues that have all of this stuff – but that are also connected to social networking sites – and that alert your doctor as to if you are sick and how sick you are – and that will call you a car service to go to the airport to get to the drier climates out west – where there are good prospects for hard working folk – and stuff like that. The future is coming – and ain’t she a beaut?!
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