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Bumperpodcast #341 – New Year, New Car?!

It’s the beginning of the year as I know it, and I feel fine. This episode is told in 3 acts – and, it’s all about getting a new car. Whaaat?!? Listen and learn!

Also – before we forget, we’re thrilled to have been picked up by the Shining Wizards Network of podcasts. Double-hooray!!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

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Bumperpodcast #320 – Tests

Bumperpodcast

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

The world is being tested my the universe – which is being tested by the multiverse – which is on the head of a needle being used to crochet a macrame owl – and for the moment, Bumpercar is ready to ride the storm. Hang on, kittens!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 320 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar reflects on surviving life's tests, particularly a rough week at headquarters. After a water sensor alerts him to flooding, Natty rushes home to discover two inches of water in his basement—triggering traumatic memories of a much worse flood from four years ago. The episode takes a comedic turn as Natty recounts his heartbreaking battle with an REI employee over a beloved torn jacket that fell just outside warranty coverage. He also shares college-era stories of creative problem-solving at a Wendy's salad bar and announces his upcoming stand-up comedy show where he'll perform a full hour of material. Throughout the episode, Natty's storytelling blends vulnerability with humor as he navigates basement disasters, retail disappointments, and the challenges of parenthood.

Memorable Quotes

“He put his hand on my shoulder and he said ma what's wrong with that what's wrong with that that's how he used to talk to me”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I'm not a missy elliott video from the aughts i'm not okay i want my jacket”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Daddy is kind of like peter rabbit but without the vest”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #flooding #homedisasters #parenting #retailexperiences #stand-upcomedy #collegestories #lifechallenges

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so this is a test this is a test i feel from the universe from everything around me from everything around you what am i talking about well do you feel like every so often uh something bad happens right and then inexplicably another bad thing happens and then another bad thing and then another bad thing to the point where they're all piling up on top of each other and you're like why is all this bad stuff happening at the same time and then you're like ah if you're self-aware enough that is you go ah this is a test i'm being tested for what i don't know how do you pass you muddle through for me here's what my week was this week we had a lot of rain up here at headquarters and uh i got an alert because i had installed a doodad in my basement a water sniffing doodad and i got an alert at 11 17 in the morning water water water water water in the basement so i ran home i got here at 11 44 so that's a difference of oh i don't know i don't know like 30 30 minutes 28 minutes i don't know i can't count 27 minutes i'm just guessing at this point but i got home as quick as i could two inches of water in the basement now anyone who's listening to the bumper podcast for years and years and years knows that we love our house but three weeks after we moved into our house we got two feet two feet of water in our basement which is insane that's a banana's amount of water that was four years ago still traumatized by it lost a lot of stuff my art studio was down here and um i still remember i was i was cleaning and cleaning and cleaning but then there was a point where i was so exhausted that i was sitting on on the stairs leading down to the basement head and hands and uh emerson who at that point would have been like four and that means that ollie would have been like one oh babies uh emerson came down and put his hand on my shoulder and he said ma what's wrong with that what's wrong with that's how he used to talk to me ma what's wrong with that what's wrong with that these you call me dad which is a sweet thing to call if you ever have hey if you're ever a kid and you want to go up to talk to your father call him dad it's a nice thing hey dad hey dad what are we doing dad i love you dad i can't stand you dad get out of my room dad uh and he put his hand and he said what's what's wrong dad are you sad and i just i was i was actually i was sobbing because i was so so so overwhelmed and so sad and i i just kind of put my hand on his hand and i said yeah buddy daddy is sad um but this time you know we got two inches away and we threw away so much stuff but this time uh you know you live you learn we had most stuff pretty higher up uh he lost a basket of clothes and by the time i got home i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die lost i mean i had to rewash them um and then there were some uh a lot of stuff is in those those those plastic bins uh but there were you know there were a few things got thrown away the issue is and i don't know how it didn't happen last time because we had so much more water um like it was so deep last time that when i was i was down here working in it it was it was almost to my knee like it's it's that's it's it was insane how much water there was um but this time you know you're walking around and you're walking around and you're walking around and you're walking around in it and using the wet back and everything and uh uh but it's now we did not have this last time have it this time the smell oh the smell which is bad because that it's a moldy smell and i do not want mold in my house because i have asthma and my kid has asthma and mold is bad so because especially i mean we have a the humidifier going dehumidifier i'm glad it's not a humidifier where um and we have some fans going but oh the smell it's brutal so yeah so that happened and then like uh maybe i'm gonna say a day or two after that i have a jacket it's from from a store called rei that i go to and i never buy anything because i can't afford it but i always look at the stuff and i'm like oh this stuff is neat look at all this neat stuff that they have and at some point someone uh gave me a membership to rei uh which i guess means you get special sales and deals and i don't really understand what it means but they always say are you a member and it's like a an exclusive club and so i feel like i'm like yeah i'm a member i'm a member i don't know what that means but i love being a member and and i got a jacket like a uh well it turns out it was one year and 17 days ago how do i know this because their uh warranty policy lasts for one year of course it doesn't last for one year and 17 days how do i know this well i went to zip my jacket up last week and the zipper caught the inside of the jacket and ripped the whole jacket and i was just like oh no no no no no no no no no my jacket i love my jacket my favorite little jacket and it was blue i love it and it was orange on the inside it was the best oh oh jacket and so i called the the phone number and i explained my situation and the the woman was just like oh well that's just not right that's just not right at all you need to take that check is there an rei near you and i was like yeah there's an rei dear me and she's like well you need to just take it over and tell them what you told me and it's gonna work it is gonna work out and i was like okay so i went to the store waited in line got to the front and i i made sure i didn't want to wear my jacket into the store because i wanted them to understand that this jacket was unwearable at this point and uh so i got to the front and i was just like hey blah blah blah here's my story here's the rip and they were like oh well do you are you a member and i was like yeah yeah yeah i'm a member and so then she looked me up and then she's like i found the purchase and i was like i knew you would and uh and and then she was like all right well let's uh figure out uh how to get you a replacement and i was like okay i need a replacement and so she uh starts looking through the computer and uh no they don't have my size they don't make it anymore all they have is 2xl and 6xl or something crazy like that and i was like i guess i could try the 2xl and she was like you can't and i was like please i want my jacket i want my jacket so i was like all right so she put you know the money back on my credit card but then i don't have a jacket and then i uh i'm wandering around the store and they don't have jackets because it's not jacket season anymore they've gotten rid of all their jackets and here's the thing i don't have a jacket i don't have a jacket i don't have anything with rei jackets most of them are like these poofy puffy things i don't like poofy puffy most of them also are shiny i don't want a shiny jacket i'm not a missy elliott video from the the aughts i'm not okay i want my jacket the reason i liked it because it wasn't shiny and it wasn't poofy puffy and and i went back to the register and i was like oh i don't i don't see anything right you know and my jacket was still there and she was like okay well you know you got your money back so you can just uh you know keep looking and maybe you'll find something soon i was like okay and then my hand landed i put my hand on my jacket and she and she starts she pulled it away she was like and you know it's like it's it's time it's gone he's he he didn't make it your jacket let me have your jacket and i was like no and she's like let me have i was like no so i wish that i uh you know what i should have done i should have camped out by the the garbage can and uh and been like i bet they're gonna throw my jacket away because then i could have gotten the money back and and worn a garbage jacket as well i would have done that i have no problem no problem at all i uh one time here's an old story that you know you've never heard before i was in college and um i'd gone spelunking which is i'd gone caving you go into a cave i'll tell you that story another day because it's terrifying and i'm don't want you to do it because it's a bad idea but i was in i think it was in north carolina or tennessee or south carolina or alabama or virginia i don't know where i was let's just i think that we should establish that i was somewhere in the south and i'm gonna say south carolina actually and uh and and and we we did this the caving spelunking and then we went to uh wendy's and at that time wendy's the restaurant had a salad bar it was all you can eat salad bar uh but i was not a man of means i had no money and i had some mud on me because i had been in the cave and um so we get there and i was just like ah i don't know what to do don't know what to do i looked over and their garbage can had kind of filled up uh a bit and on top of the garbage can so they had special trays that you would use or plates for the uh for the all you can eat salad bar and somebody had um they just put their tray and it had two plates uh from the salad bar right on top so it wasn't in the garbage but it was you know part of the garbage because it was on top of the garbage uh and they both plates were relatively clean so my friend and i who i was with at the time we looked at each other and we kind of shrugged and we're like yeah yeah should we should we yeah we should do this we should definitely do this we got some uh some napkins cleaned them up and then uh i think you know because we didn't want to be complete scalawags we went we bought some biggie drinks or something like that i wanted i would like a beverage please probably some tea because i do love tea and uh and then we proceeded to uh to eat from the uh all you can eat uh salad bar so those were different times in my life uh these are stories that i don't necessarily want my kids to hear or maybe i do i don't know i don't i do i not i don't i don't know because it's kind of like a hey you can make it if you try type of story but it's also like a ah daddy kind of swiped some salad so ah but then they saw that peter rabbit movie that recently came out and peter rabbit was all about swiping that salad so i guess if they ever called me on it i could be like daddy is kind of like peter rabbit but without the vest and they'd be like i see where you're i like what you're screaming here i like what you're saying so what else is going on i have a show this weekend this very weekend and i am doing an hour an hour of stand-up comedy that means i get to stand in front of people and talk to them for an hour and hopefully they will laugh for some portion of that uh it's by far the longest i've ever done i'm super excited i don't have any details on this show somebody was like where's it at and i was like i don't know what time you have to be there i don't know all i know is that it's saturday and uh i have i've been paid already which is nice and um and i do keep i keep emailing the people hey hey can you send me some details some deets i call them deets on this thing and they're like sure deets are coming i'm like cool it's it's it'd be great if they would be here now just so i can buy all that stuff away in my brain so i don't have to freak out about it quite as much uh and so that's this weekend i'm sure i'll tell you all about it next week and then uh last night i went to a show and i wasn't supposed to be on it i was supposed to help somebody with web stuff but two comedians didn't show up and so i got thrown up uh the second comic and it was a blast and it was in a bar and there were tvs on but it was still fun but not as fun as you

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Bumperpodcast #317 – Saddy Bumpercar

Bumperpodcast

Natty is quite sad today, and can’t quite put a finger on what has him down. Luckily, Pig steps in to offer some nice advice, and to pick Natty’s spirits up a bit – all on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast!

If you’re ever sad, or need a pig’s shoulder to sniffle on, don’t hesitate to send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here to help, and stuff.

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this heartfelt episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar opens up about feeling overwhelmed and sad, departing from the show's typical comedic tone. Aloysious J. Pig offers compassionate advice, discussing the importance of perspective, breathing exercises, and reaching out to friends when struggling. Natty shares his "balloon" analogy for emotional states, while Pig emphasizes how talking through feelings can lighten emotional burdens. The episode concludes with both characters encouraging listeners to be kind to others and seek support when needed. This touching conversation demonstrates that even comedy podcasts can address mental health and emotional wellbeing with warmth and sincerity.

Memorable Quotes

“Most days I feel like a balloon that's full of helium and I can float around the world. Some days the helium wears out and I feel deflated and I'm getting trampled on and kicked around.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You can't let it just sit inside of you. You got to reach out to people and talk. Talking, talking, talking, get it out of you.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“The nicer you are to people, the better you're going to feel. You put that in your nice bank and you carry it around.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #mentalhealth #sadness #friendship #perspective #kindness #emotionalsupport #copingstrategies #positivity

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um i'm i'm sad i'm i'm really sad uh hey hey bumsy what's good what's going on you sound pretty down yeah i'm i don't know i'm just kind of sad today i woke up and i think there's just a lot going on in the world and just a lot going on and i think sometimes i get overwhelmed and sometimes i get kind of sad and it's not a good feeling and and i i don't i don't like it very much i like being happy i think i wish i was happy right now but but right now i just i'm pretty sad yeah well you know it's okay buddy i think people you get sad sometimes you know maybe you you you slept kind of wrong or well you know was there anything in particular that happened that made you sad or was it just kind of a a general uh general malaise i don't i don't think it's any one thing in particular um i think it's just uh everything on top of everything on top of everything you know yes everything is what you're saying yeah yeah it's fine buddy you're okay i don't know it's it's everything yeah i i feel i wish i i wish people were nice to each other and i wish that people were nice to each other all the time even though i understand they can't be nice to each other all the time and i wish that people helped each other and worked with each other and it would make the world a better place i think yeah well i mean of course it would listen my my philosophy as a pig is that the world's a very difficult place you wake up in the morning maybe you're you're you you got sore bones from how you slept you so you're starting your day off it's kind of rough then you're rushing from here today maybe you're going to a job you don't necessarily love all that much maybe you know for your instance maybe one of your kids did something kind of crazy i don't know maybe uh yeah maybe irving brown socks decided to go to a job and i'm like oh my god i don't know if i'm going to be able to use the basement for uh for a bathroom which it's not it's a basement there ain't no bathroom down there yeah uh you know there's i don't know it's just uh there's a lot of things that's what you're saying right you keep saying a lot of things everything everything it's it's understandable the world it there's a lot going on the world yeah and you know you you you just get sad it's tough to navigate yeah and some days you just ain't got the you ain't the hotspot to put to put into it you know yeah i feel like a um okay most days i feel like a balloon that's full of helium right that's the stuff that makes it float and i can uh i can float around the world and i can you know have fun and i'll let the wind i let the wind take me to wherever it wants to go and i kind of roll with that and i go with that within the structure of normal everyday life then some days i guess either the helium wears out or the air in me it leaves me and i feel deflated uh and then i'm kind of closer to the ground and i'm getting trampled on and kicked around and pushed around and then some days it's even worse where you know there's prickly things and you float into a prickly thing it's a prickly thing and um it actually pokes you and then it lets your air out and life's i don't know it's this i feel like i've come up with a pretty good analogy i'm like a little balloon and right now i feel like all my all my helium is gone and and i'm stuck on a prickly plant and then there's also uh darts being thrown at me there's just dots from every angle um yeah well it's a lot and you know don't get me wrong i i have a great life you do i have a wonderful life you do it's it's just sometimes it's just too much when things are out of your control and you you you wanna you i want the best for everything yeah yeah and uh of course you do because you're a good guy right you know i don't know oh buddy listen when i when i when i get sad When I get a case of the Seds, when I'm carrying around in my luggage a suitcase full of Seds stuff, what I like to do is either I open my eyes and I look at the skies and I think of all the wonderful things in the world. And I think of people and I think of my friends like you. And I think of relationships I have with all kinds of people. And I think, you know, you go out, you make people happy. You tell jokes and people laugh and they feel a little bit better, right? Not all the time, but sometimes, yeah. Yeah, well, sometimes. Sometimes it don't work out. That's understandable. But here's the thing. You got to look around the world, right? You can't pull into yourself. No, no, I know. Although sometimes I do. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath. Okay. And I do that, you know, a few times and I just… Like deep breathing? You're just breathing? Kind of center myself. Oh, okay. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's not that bad. Yeah. Right? You know, right when things are happening, they feel worse. But if you get a little perspective… Perspective? If you're able to like, just again, you take a deep breath. Yeah. And you just let it flow off of you. The bad stuff? And you take a step away and you look over at it and you think, man, that don't feel good, that thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, what can I do to make it not feel as bad? You know, what can I do to that thing that's over there that's affecting me, that's making me not feel great? Yeah. To make it make me feel less bad. Okay. And here's the thing. Yeah. Sometimes it's out of your control. And so what you got to do is you got to… You got to be like, all right, I'm going to help it as much as I can, but I'm not going to negatively impact myself, right? Yeah, that makes sense. Right? Yeah. And I'm going to just have to step away. Yeah. And I'm going to have to like, just let go a little bit. Let go. Because you can't get too invested in things. No. Even if you are, even if you have to be. But sometimes you have to be, yeah. To the point where you're hurting yourself by making yourself feel bad, right? Yeah. It's like I'm speaking some real knowledge here. You really are. And Pig, I got to say, and listen, Bumper Podcast, I apologize. This isn't a super funny episode. It's not a fun episode. But, you know, people see me and they're like, oh, Natty Bumpercar, you're always happy. You're always so chipper. And it's, you know, for the most part I am. But sometimes I do, I do get sad. And most of the times what I like to say is I like to be like a goose. And I like to let things, bad things hit me. And then just roll off of my feathers. Just like the rain rolls off of a goose. But sometimes things stick. And the problem is, is when things do stick, then the more stuck, the more bad stuff that is stuck on your feathers, the easier it is for bad stuff to get stuck on your feathers. So the second that you let something just get on you, then more stuff is going to pile on and pile on and pile on. So if you ever feel sad. You know, I think Pig had great advice. You have to just either go within yourself and take a deep breath and just realize that you're a good person. And, you know, you don't have control of everything in the world. And you just breathe and you just push that stuff out. Or you open your eyes and then you take a look around the world and you think of all the good things in the world. And then maybe that won't make you feel sad anymore. Yeah. You know, like I think you said. I said perspective. You got to have perspective. And perspective, what that means, if there's any kids listening, is it's just how you look at things. And how you look at things and the way you look at things will sometimes change how you view things, how you see things, how you interact with things. Right? And so that's a good thing. So it helps you if you're having trouble. To look at things from a different angle because then maybe you'll figure a way to solve it or at least figure out a way to feel a little bit better about it. I feel like even I mean so and just talk to people talk like me talking to pig right now has made me feel so much better. Like we I don't even have to talk about specific things that are bothering me. Just talking just it gets it off your chest. It gets takes the weight off of your shoulders. It just it because it again. It that helps you to remove yourself from it and and sometimes that's all it takes and and so thanks pig and thank you bumper podcast and if you're ever sad, please let me know reach out to me reach out to somebody who can help you because there's people in the world who want to help you and who want to make you feel better and hopefully I'm one of those people and this show does that for you because you do it for me and high fives hugs and hearts. You're the best and thank you guys so much. Yeah, right. I mean, here's the thing talking what he just said. It's the best thing ever. He's got to reach out to people people. You ain't talked to in a long time and maybe if you have guilt about something you talk to somebody about it. It helps you just talking talking talking get it out of you. You can't let it just sit inside of you. I mean bumps. We didn't talk about me today, but I know I'm actually pretty happy today. You are pretty pretty happy. Can I tell you why? Yeah, please. Because that's the other thing is me talking to you and you being happy makes me happy because you're happy. So you see how that works out. You're taking me out of my sadness so that you can talk about what makes you happy. Tell me tell me tell me pig. Why in the world are you happy? Because I want to know well, I'm happy because I happen to come by the studio today and I found my friend Natty bumper car who is very upset and you sounded like he was going to cry. And you're not going to cry now. I don't think maybe you are and I was able to talk to you and say some words and make you feel better. So it's that's why I'm having such a good day because I had a positive impact on my friend today. And right now I'm having a positive impact on you and you and you and you and you everybody on the bumper podcast get tears. So again, that's what you do. You get yourself a friend you talk to that friend. You feel a little bit better and your friend feels better and then it grows and it grows and it grows and it grows and it grows until everyone in the world feels better. So go go smile at somebody today. Go go say thank you to somebody go do something nice because the nicer you are to people the better you're going to feel. That's what I'm saying. Well, I think you're right and I think you cover a lot of ground today pig and I can't thank you enough. Yeah, go be nice to people the nicer you are to people the better you're going to feel. Even if they're not nice in return don't matter because you were nice to them. And so you put that in your nice Bank and you carry it around and then your nice Bank gets more and more full of nice and then you feel a little bit better. And then sometimes you feel sad and that's fine because then you go and talk about it and then you feel better go feel better bumper podcast because here the best.

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Bumperpodcast #299 – Look who’s back!

Bumperpodcast

Pig comes back after a long disappearance – and spills the beans on where he has been. It’s convoluted!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

About This Episode

Aloysious J. Pig returns to Bumperpodcast after a mysterious absence, spinning an increasingly absurd tale about his whereabouts. While Natty Bumpercar tries to share updates about his chaotic few weeks involving company buyouts, tree cutting, and stump grinding, Pig insists on telling a wild story involving corn fields, desert jail, a camel cellmate, and a frozen yogurt escape plot. Rufus T. Rufus appears to corroborate Pig's tale with his own unlikely story about yachts and Learjets. The episode devolves into comedic chaos as Natty struggles to determine what's real and what's fiction, with Pig eventually admitting the whole adventure might have just been about eating frozen yogurt all summer.

Memorable Quotes

“If I walk by your office in the hallway, does it say, Chief of Fun Ruiner? Because, you know, if that's your gig, then you should get a raise, my friend.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“I can't believe you preempted my big adventure. I can't believe you preempted my big conversation to talk about stumps.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I've been gone, engorging myself, because I want to get my summer body on fleek, on point, if you will.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #pigreturns #storytelling #frozenyogurt #prisonescape #summeradventures #talltales #friendship

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so here's the thing bumper podcast you've been wondering where i've been and i've been wondering

Aloysious J. Pig: where you've been well more importantly we've all been waiting for where hey here i am you're just gonna cut me yeah okay i'm gonna talk now okay yes i'm gonna talk where pig has been yeah well he's back i'm back and everyone has been like hey where's pig we've been getting all this mail and all these you know uh phone calls and uh sky writing and and letters and and you know and

Natty Bumpercar: and and mail you said mail like two or three times i yeah i know okay well so i just wanted to make sure because it's you can't really if you're trying to build something up you can't be like ah we got mail and we got postcards and we got envelopes should i leave i don't want to

Aloysious J. Pig: do this okay yeah you proceed okay thank you so as i was saying i was on everyone was asking and i'm I was on an adventure, an adventure of epic proportions, if you know what I'm doing here.

Natty Bumpercar: Did you just do a pun? Yeah, it was a pun. I do a lot of puns, okay? Because it was kind of terrible.

Aloysious J. Pig: Just leave me alone, all right?

Natty Bumpercar: Is that going to be your new thing?

Aloysious J. Pig: That's what I always do.

Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Aloysious J. Pig: This is why people leave the show, Bumper Guy. I didn't want to get into it on the podcast because it was supposed to be a big, warm welcome back. But all of a sudden, you've got to sit there and you've got to pick and pick and pick at the pig. And me, I'm just here to have fun, and I'm just here to tell a story. And you, you know, I guess you're here to what? Ruin the fun? Is that your job? Is that your title? If I walk by your office in the hallway, does it say, Chief of Fun Ruiner? Because, you know, if that's your gig, then you should get a raise, my friend. Your bonus should be a bountiful, you know?

Natty Bumpercar: I do like the, I am sorry, Pig. I, you know, it's been a couple of weeks. It's been a crazy couple of weeks around here.

Aloysious J. Pig: Are you going to talk about yourself now? Is that what we're doing, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I'm actually going to, if you don't, I'll just real quick. Okay. It's been crazy. It's been bananas crazy. Let me tell you what happened to me, and then you can hear from Pig. The company that I worked for was bought by an international company. No one knew if we were going to have jobs. This was two weeks ago. My wife was away at a conference. Big conference in Las Vegas. Ho, ho, ho. There was a carnival that was a block and a half from my house that my kids lose their minds to go to. The carnival's here.

Aloysious J. Pig: The carnival's here. We have to go to the carnival. Carnival, carnival.

Natty Bumpercar: We have to spend thousands of dollars. Not really. We don't have to spend that much money. What else do we have? There was, we watched the Captain Underpants movie. I was in a commercial that was, I was on set for 12 hours. The company. We ended up transitioning, so that did happen into the new company, and that's been a nightmare. We have the biggest client ever at my company that we're trying to land, and everyone's been losing their minds about that. We've also had a few shows. Yeah. We also, we might get a bathroom, a new bathroom here at headquarters. Really, we're talking about bathroom.

Aloysious J. Pig: It's just been crazy. Sounds crazy.

Natty Bumpercar: I don't need to tell you. Okay. But I'm telling you. Okay. Something else happened, too. What? Oh, I cut down two trees in my backyard. Oh, boy. I did, with a chainsaw. I cut down four bushes. Lots of things are happening. Why are you cutting things down? I'm getting a stump grinder this weekend to grind stumps, because we're having a big family reunion of my wife's family in a couple of weeks, and I need the house to be spick and span and ready. It's not going to be. It's going to be in the middle of a thousand different projects, and people are going to deal with it. This is unlistenable. Okay, back to you. I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you.

Aloysious J. Pig: No one is. I can't believe you preempted my big adventure. I can't believe you preempted my big conversation to talk about stumps. You're like, oh, I'm going to grind some stumps. This is my podcast now. Is that what's happened since I left?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's not how I talk, A and B. Honestly, we haven't. I don't even know if we've recorded in the last two weeks, so I don't want to say you're the lynch pig of the whole thing, but really, we haven't been putting out a lot of content. No premium content, that's for sure. Everyone can agree to that. Everyone can attest to that. Anyway, so, done talking. I want to hear what happened to you, where you have been, where you went. So, without further ado, go.

Aloysious J. Pig: So, there's some weird tension here, but we'll deal with that another time, I suppose. So, there I was, ladies and gentlemen. I woke up. I found myself in a field, a field of corn. It was like a dream come true for a pig like me. I looked left. I looked right. I look in front of me. I look behind. To me, there was corn everywhere. Here's the thing, though. When corn grows, it ain't too convenient for a little pig like me. So, I'm looking. I can't reach none of it. All I can do is smell the corn. Oh, hello, beautiful corn. Won't you lean down and let me know? Okay. And so, then I had to go to the farm to see if they had some sort of a ladder that I could drag back to the corn field. So that I could climb up tippity-top to the top of the stairs and eat the corn. Well, I went to the farm, and they arrested me for trespassing. Can you believe this? I'm a pig on a farm. Can't you just give me a slap on the hoof or something and say, hey, pig, move on. You ain't supposed to be here. No. They took me into the police car, into town. There was a judge. There was a gavel. Off I went. They sent me to… To jail in the desert. I was in the desert. A pig in the desert. I can't tell you how much I was sweating. I was, like, profuse. They were… Actually, they got me my own row of paper towels, because they were always, like, they were embarrassed at how much I was sweating. They were like, bro, just dab a little bit of that sweat off, okay? You're a little bit extreme right now. I'm an extreme pig. People tell me that all the time. And they look at me, and they're like, bro, you seem pretty extreme. And I'm like, hey, you know what? For a pig, I guess I am. Anyway, in this jail, there was a camel, right? I don't know what he was in for. He wouldn't talk to me. But we, you know, we made eye contact, and we could tell we was on the same page. So what we did one night was there was a jackrabbit. No, excuse me. A jackalope. Who had… Who had squirreled away some spoons. And me and the camel and the jackalope and I guess the squirrel, I don't remember, started digging and digging and digging and…

Natty Bumpercar: Are you telling me that you broke out of jail? You were in a prison for trespassing? You went to the desert? That doesn't make any sense at all. This story doesn't make any sense.

Aloysious J. Pig: No, you don't make any sense, all right? I don't believe you. Well, I've got proof. Hold on one second. Let me bring my proof in. Get in here, proof. Well, if it isn't Mr. Rufus T. Rufus, I am here to defend the honor of Mr. Piggy Lou himself. Rude. It's Aloysius. Get with it. Exactly. So there I was on the Riviera on my yacht, and all of a sudden the phone starts to ringing, and it is… Emergency, emergency, emergency. And I said, hold on a second. I need to put my drink down. I don't want it to spill because that itself would be an emergency.

Natty Bumpercar: You don't have a yacht. You don't… What are you talking about?

Aloysious J. Pig: What does he keep interrupting me for?

Natty Bumpercar: Because you don't… You're… I don't believe you either. I've met you before. You've never been to the Riviera. This is no joke. You don't have a yacht. You didn't even… You said yucked.

Aloysious J. Pig: No, he said yacht. Bro, is this what you're going to do now? You're going to make fun of how people talk? You're going to make fun of accents just because you ain't got no accent? Because you was born in rural Georgia, and all of a sudden you don't sound like nothing? And so is that what this is? No. No. Just stop attacking. I'm sorry. Let the story happen.

Natty Bumpercar: Go ahead, Rufus. Tell the story.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, of course I will. So I got the phone call, and it was from Aloysius here, who was calling me. He was calling me from dessert, and he was with a camel, and he was with a rabbit with horns. No, he said jackalope. He was a jackalope. Jackalope, exactly. Let's get it right. And there was a… I believe there might have been a squirrel. I'm not sure. And there was something about spoons, and so I quickly pulled my yacht up into the dock, and I parked it as you do. And granny… And got on my lead jet, and we flew over my crew and my team of experts, and we rescued this crew of malcontents.

Natty Bumpercar: So my head is… This is… I'm glad I took a break. I missed doing the podcast, but I did not miss this. So you're telling me that you were on a yacht in the Riviera, you had a drink, the phone rang, and on the phone was Pig. Camel, something, a jackalope, and a squirrel that you're not even sure of. No one seems to be sure about this squirrel. The squirrel thing is kind of freaking me out. And then you got on a Learjet, is what you're saying, with your team, never met your team, and you flew over, and you rescued them. Is that something that a lawyer… Is that a normal thing that a lawyer would do? Because that doesn't sound very lawyerly to me. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's how… That's essentially what you just… Said was essentially what kind of happened. I think that… Rufus might have let something slip in there when he said dessert in the spoons. Here's the thing, Bumper Cop. I was in jail at a soft yogurt place, and me and this camel dude, we dug out of the yogurt with some spoons. There was no squirrel, if you didn't pick up on that. There was a jackalope. But she was working behind a counter. This whole time, I've been gone, engorging myself, because I want to get my summer body on fleek, on point, if you will. Wait. And that's where I've been. So none of it's true? And then Rufus had some ice cream, though. I don't… None of it's true? I don't… What? None of it, or maybe all of it.

Unknown: I don't know.

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