Natty Bumpercar: Honeybees, honeybees, everyone loves honeybees, or at least you should. Look around. Honeybees give us flowers, they give us plants, they pollinate everything. They also give us honey, because they're honeybees. So the next time you see a honeybee on the street, don't go give them a high five, because they are not fans of that. Just give them a point and a wink and say, Hey Mr. Bee, Mrs. Bee, you're doing awesome. Thank you so much, honeybee. Yo, it's spring here on Bumper Podcasts, on Bumper Podcasts, on the Bumper Podcasts. And by spring, I mean it's late summer. And by late summer, I mean really there's not much summer left. But it's spring because I've been cleaning. I've been throwing stuff away, left and right. It's insane. Just like bags and bags and bags of stuff. We moved into the house a few years ago. But I'm still going through boxes. I'm like, oh, what's in this box? It's a mystery box. This is a fun box. I found a box the other day. It had penguins in it. Cute little penguins. Why were those not out waving at me every day when I come in? I don't know. There was another little box. It had a kitty cat mom and a little baby kitty cat. And it was like a planter. And it was just, I mean, it was the cutest thing. There was a wiener dog planter that we found. I mean, there's stuff down here that we don't even know we're missing. And then you open it. And it's just like, oh, look at this joy. Look at this joy. We're getting some work done in the house at some point. And by the way, I am not a good general contractor is what I am learning. The plumber, he was just like, how about you be the general contractor? You save yourself some money that way. And now I'm two months into my general contractor tenure. And the work has not started. It's not begun. The permits have not even been done. So lining up an electrician, a plumber, and a carpenter, I guess, difficult. It's a very difficult thing because, hey, I'm on this schedule. I'm on this schedule. Hell, I'm on this schedule. Oh, perfect. Good. Because I didn't actually want any of the work to be done. I just wanted to continuously email you and text you and call you and beg you to get the work started. Oh, wait. You would like for me to pay you a deposit? Great. No, that sounds like a lot of fun, especially considering I don't see any future when the work actually starts. So here, take my money. But whatever. Something's going to happen at some point, I assume. Right? If not, then I've just given them all my money. But another thing that I've had to do is so that the work, I have to move all sorts of stuff, shelves and whatnot. And so that sparked. Kind of a big, a big push to start just getting rid of stuff where I got a big bin and I'm throwing stuff in there for a yard sale. We hope to have an October yard sale, a rocktober yard sale. Get rid of some of this kid stuff, some crib and a changing table and a whatever the doodad is. You put the kids in, you push them around. I don't know what it's called. I can't even remember. I know what it was. I was expensive. I know that. What is it called? A buggy? A baby buggy? Hey, look at your baby. He's in a buggy. Okay. What's up with that? We have an awesome interview today also. I want to point that out. Pig is really tearing it up. I'm trying to think what else we have. We have a bed. I'm just telling you all this so that you can show up here on the second weekend of October. I don't know if that's when it's going to be. And take my stuff away. Take my stuff away, please. We have a pair of old. Marble lamps. Oh, how fancy of you. So maybe they can use that in the Addams Family revival that they are filming. But the thing is, I don't know if you do, but I accumulate so much stuff. I've got like four old computers that I want to go through, make sure everything is pulled off of them, and then I can get rid of those. Old broken printers. An old broken scanner. All this stuff that I just want gone. Just go away. Because I feel like if I get rid of stuff, then my house is going to feel lighter somehow, if that's possible. I don't know if it is, but I think it's just a mental thing where it's just like, oh, I've got all this stuff and it's dragging me down. I don't want to be dragged down. I don't want to be dragged down. I want to be set free, man, like a bumblebee. I heard that commercial at the beginning. I love the commercials. If you ever need a commercial for anything, please just send me an email. BumperPodcast at NattyBumperCar.com and I will make you a commercial for my podcast. But right now, let's listen to Pig's interview because I'm super excited. Hey there, ladies and gentlemen. It's me, Aloysius J. Pig, and this is another one of my interviews. It's like we're just knocking them out of the park. Left, right, left, right, boom, bang, boom. You've got no idea, but it's me talking to all these people. Fun people? I think so. And from what I heard from you, you seem to like them too. Well, this next dude, he's a great dude. He lives here in New Jersey with me. He does a stand-up comedy with me. And from what I've heard from BumperCar, there's a real love of donuts between this dude and that dude. So, with nothing more being said, I want to bring on the show. Welcome, my pal. Hey, Mr. Darren Patterson. How you doing?

Unknown: Hey, Aloysius. What's shaking?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, bacon. What's shaking? Bacon. That's what I said.

Unknown: Yeah. Is that hack? Am I the first? Have you heard that before?

Natty Bumpercar: That's how I wake up in the mirror. It's like my mantra.

Unknown: Oh, you look in the mirror and say, what's shaking? Bacon?

Natty Bumpercar: I grab in the bathroom. I grab each side of the mirror, and I go, what's shaking? Bacon. What's shaking? Bacon. That's how I wake up every morning. I do it like 100 times.

Unknown: 100 times?

Natty Bumpercar: That's a lot. And then behind that, I got the Eye of the Tiger playing. So, I'll say it to the beat of that. Oh, wow. It's really a cacophony. The kids can't stand it.

Unknown: Wow, that's intense. I didn't know you were such an intense pig.

Natty Bumpercar: You know what? You don't wake up like this, right? You got to work into it. Right. And once I do that, I go do my exercises. Oh, what do you do? I strap myself to a yoke, and I plow the fields. You know, I do that a little bit.

Unknown: This sounds vaguely like Rocky IV. Are you confusing?

Natty Bumpercar: No, I don't know what you're talking about. I do CrossFit as well, so I'm just trying to. You know, Blur, you're really close to what I was doing there. So, I flip tires. I volunteer firemen. That's the thing I do.

Unknown: Volunteer firemen? That sounds like a good job. No, it's an exercise.

Natty Bumpercar: Is it? Yeah. What I do is I have a scanner so that I can hear whenever there's a fire in the neighborhood. And then I just show up, and I feel like I'm exercising.

Unknown: So, you're like a vigilante firefighter. Basically, you just kind of show up with a bucket of water and help out however you can.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, I don't even got no bucket, but I do have a cool hat. It's not even really a fire hat. It's just, I don't think it's a cool hat.

Unknown: It's kind of, yeah. Okay. But you don't go, do you go into the fire? Like, what do you do? You just stand around?

Natty Bumpercar: No, no, no, man. I just hang out. But the weird thing is this dude from the newspaper, he's been taking my picture with all the different fires, right? Okay. Okay. From what I heard. He's got a theory that I am, in fact, the one who is starting the fires just so I can come and hang out with the firemen. Not true.

Unknown: Oh, really? No. It sounds like, are you committing to, are you admitting a crime here? Did you indeed start the fire via Billy Joel or no?

Natty Bumpercar: Here's what happened is we just got Lifetime on the television, and I've been watching a lot of Lifetime movies, and I feel like I'm conflating a little bit, you know? Conflating? Okay. Not igniting, but conflating. So what I'm doing is I'm watching things on TV, and I'm folding them into the real events of my life. Maybe they're not true. I'm going to say they're not here just for the sake of the court case that is pending.

Unknown: Gotcha. Just keep the legal eagles out of it.

Natty Bumpercar: Have you, enough about, I mean, we could talk about me all night, all day. You know, everybody loves to talk about pig, of course. But tell me about you.

Unknown: Who are you, anyway? Oh. Oh, my. I'm a comic. I do shows in New York, New Jersey. Yeah, I try to make people laugh whenever I can. Uh-huh. I'm trying to make people laugh with jokes. Jokes? Whenever I can. Okay. Yeah, like funny talk. Funny stuff.

Natty Bumpercar: Now, I heard you say you're a comedian, right? Yes, indeed. Do you ever, in conversation, do you ever mix it up? Are you like, I'm a comedian, I'm a comic, I'm a stand-up comedian. Do you mix it around a little bit?

Unknown: What do you mean? Like the three different titles?

Natty Bumpercar: I think it's all the same thing in my mind. I don't know if there's a difference.

Unknown: Yeah. I mean, you could say I'm a comic. I usually say comic around other comics. Oh, wait. What did you say to me? What? No?

Natty Bumpercar: What? What's going on? What did you say? Originally, did you say you were a comic? What did you say?

Unknown: I said I was a comic. Oh, what did I say?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't know. Because if you said comic before, and now you're saying that you usually say comic in front of other comedians, then I feel like you think I'm a comedian. I feel like you think I'm a comedian. I feel like you think I'm a comic, which makes me happy.

Unknown: Oh, well, of course you're a comedian, right? Like, you just said in the intro, we do comedy shows together. Like, I mean, I haven't really seen your act, but like you said, we must have done it together sometime, so yeah, you're a comic.

Natty Bumpercar: We're on the scene together. You know, I ain't done no roast battles with you or nothing, so I don't know how happy that we are.

Unknown: Yeah, I can't do roast battles. I don't have the heart to be all mean to people.

Natty Bumpercar: I went and I watched, I go watch that. That guy, KP, Burke, you know. KP Burke, yeah. I go to the city, and I've seen him do it a couple, two or three times, I guess, and it hurts. I don't, I'm not even in it, but I'm just like, this seems like a good way to get exposure. It's hot now. People seem to be into it, but I ain't got it. I ain't got it at all.

Unknown: I know. I listen to, because they have that one at the stand, they have it on the podcast, too, and I listen to KP on the podcast, and it was like, wow. I mean, I appreciate it, how you can do it. It's definitely like an art to it, but I'm sensitive. I can't take all that ribbing.

Natty Bumpercar: No, I don't need, I get enough from my friends, you know. I'm just hanging out with them, and they're like, That was them poking mean at me.

Unknown: That sounds just like random noises.

Natty Bumpercar: They don't even say any actual words. Those are just the noises they're making at me. But even,

Unknown: They just, Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Just that, as a group of people doing that at me, like, you got to imagine, you got four or five people going, and it hurts. It don't feel good.

Unknown: Yeah. You need a tough shell, a tough hide in order to do stuff like that. I just ain't got it, man.

Natty Bumpercar: I like the thing. I got a thick skin, but I think to do that, I need like a tortoise. Like you said, I need a tortoise shell.

Unknown: A tortoise. Yeah. I could see that. I mean, people, they wouldn't be able to poke you if you had a tortoise shell. They wouldn't be able to ping-pang, pitty-pang on you.

Natty Bumpercar: It'd bounce right off of me. It'd be like, pitty-pang, pang. Did you, when you, growing up, did you ever play, I don't remember if it was like war or whatever, and people would be like, pew-pew, I got you. And you'd be like, bro, I got my deflector shield on. And you'd be like.

Unknown: Yeah, yeah, we used to do that. And they'd be like, oh, no, you didn't get me with your gun because I, it bounced off my shield. And then you'd like immediately have a shield. Yeah. Like out of nowhere.

Natty Bumpercar: And they're looking around. They're like, we're playing with shields now. Nobody told me. Where did you get a shield?

Unknown: Like I had. Well, you don't have a gun, but, you know, so why can't I have a shield? And then they up it and up it to like, you know, oh, well, I destroy your shield with my rocket launcher. And then you say, oh, I destroy your rocket launcher with my, you know, nuclear bomb. And then that's how war starts.

Natty Bumpercar: I always, yeah, see, it's like an arms race. Yeah. I always feel like the kid who's got the best imagination should win that game because he can think up anything, right? He's not some basic, you know, but, but then there's, I think a lot of times a kid to the big imaginations, the society beats them down a lot. So they don't have as much confidence. So they can't, they can't. I'm getting deep here. That's what I do, bro. That's what I, you know, I like to, I, what I'd like to do is I like to see the scab and then I just rip it right off. And then we're in there. We're talking. We're talking. I mean, well, I just sound a little bit grosser than I meant for it to sound. I'm going to put a band. I'm going to put some, some, uh, near spawn on there and I'm just going to put that bandaid back on. Now we're safe. Okay. Uh, beautiful. But I think, I mean, like, honestly, that was, was that, that was a legit point, right? Uh, sure.

Unknown: I mean, I don't feel like you're going with me. No, I, I, I'm not, I'm just trying to follow you. I'm trying to figure out where you're going. Okay. You're talking about kids getting beaten down.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, so like you got, you got your, your, your kids. You got a kid with a lot of imagination, right? Like he's an arty kid. He likes to do art, right? Right. And then there's the kids who, who maybe have less of an imagination, but more muscles we'll say. And so they like to put the little arty kid under the thumb, right? And push him down, which wrecks arty kids, uh, uh, confidence a little bit. Right. Right. So then you're playing this war thing where the arty kid with the imagination should be winning because he can make up anything, but he can't because the big kid's got him under his thumb.

Unknown: And so, uh, I see what you're saying.

Natty Bumpercar: And then it gets, you know, I don't know, man, you grow up and then the whole world's against you. And it is like, I just want to be imagination pig. And they're like, you can't.

Unknown: I, oh, wow. I didn't, I didn't know we'd hit a nerve here. Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, I think I'm going to be, I think I'm just going to take a second, but while I, while I do that. So you do comedy. Tell me a little bit about, about yourself, Darren.

Unknown: Uh, well, I do comedy in New York, New Jersey, wherever, wherever we'll have me. Uh, I also do a podcast. What? Uh, much like yourself. Yeah. I do a podcast.

Natty Bumpercar: Now that's fun. What do you do in your podcast?

Unknown: Uh, well, the podcast I do with my buddy, Evan Morgenstern, uh, it's called the Virgin Chronicles and it's basically about, you know, people coming on our show, comics, you know, uh, writers, performers, whoever. And they talk about their first time doing stuff. Like, you know, first time, uh, yeah. So it's like your first job, first time you got your heart broke, first kiss, first trip. Wow. First time you got, uh, you know, first time you got, uh, drunk, any, any first time thing.

Natty Bumpercar: The first time I went skydiving.

Unknown: Yeah. If it's a good story behind that, we'd love to hear it for a time. You've been skydiving?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, let me, so I haven't done it yet, but I'm saying like, maybe it's going to be a great story and then I'll, and then I'll give you a call is what I'm saying.

Unknown: I see. Okay. So it's, it's. It hasn't happened yet. Well, we kind of want to have first time stuff that you've already done. Oh. Not, not going to do. Do you. It's a little caveat we have.

Natty Bumpercar: Do you ever do a thing like where you, um, you could do like, uh, when I, it's not, this is your life, but where you have to guess where you have like, uh, I was a cook in France. I was, I, I was a volcanic, uh, inspector or I, uh, worked at Panera and you have to guess which one it is. And then they tell the story.

Unknown: Um, that, that sounds like, uh, to tell the truth or you bet your life or something.

Natty Bumpercar: That's what it was to tell the truth. That's what I was trying to remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown: Yeah. That's, we don't, that's nothing like the pot. That's we don't, we don't do that at all.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Okay. Maybe. I don't know. We could start. I'm just giving you terrible ideas for your podcast. Maybe you, um, you have a wheel, right. And you have different, uh, subjects on the, do you ever do, you could do it live and it's on stage. And you go clickety clack, like, like, like, like the whole wheel spinning. Right. And then it lands on clowns. We'll say, right. And then you say to the audience, who's got a story about clown. Now this is terrible. Don't listen to any of this.

Unknown: I say that sounds like wheel of fortune or maybe even the big wheel in price is right. It sounds like one of those.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh man. I love that big wheel in price is right. Cause it's it to the wheel of fortune. It's, it's, it's a laying down wheel. That's just, you know, going around. Yeah. But that price is right. Wheel. It's like, if it came off of it's it's axle, it's coming right at you.

Unknown: Yeah. That thing is just like a, like a Indiana Jones, that bold or just ready to take out the first row. I don't know. I'm surprised there. You keep that, uh, so that, that thing of death in there.

Natty Bumpercar: I can't remember, like, I think if you hit a dollar, you get a thousand dollars or something like that. Right.

Unknown: Or something like that. I mean, I remember this from like all the times I was like home sick from school. So yes. That's what everybody wants to get.

Natty Bumpercar: Cause like, that's the perfect one is a thousand dollars the most you can get from the wheel.

Unknown: Uh, I, I believe so.

Natty Bumpercar: I haven't seen it in a while, but here's the, so here's my plan, right? I'm going to work out a little bit. My, my delts, you know, mostly, and my, uh, my, some, some, some glutes, some quads and then I'm going to go on to price is right. I'm going to win. Of course, I'm gonna get to the wheel, but I'm going to pull it so hard. That I actually rip it over. Now the wheel is going to roll over me, right? Crush me a little bit. I'm going to get hurt. This is not going to be pretty.

Unknown: Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: I guarantee I'm going to get more than that thousand dollars. What this is. I'm looking for an angle here. I'm looking for a loophole, right?

Unknown: Uh, so this is, you're trying to like scam, uh, scan the prices, right?

Natty Bumpercar: People. Hey, you know what? Your wheel broke, bro. What are you doing to me?

Unknown: I don't know if you should. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you should be saying all this on a podcast. Like this is. This is like admissible evidence. I mean, I mean, I'm no lawyer, but like this, it sounds like a good, nobody listens to this

Natty Bumpercar: show from what I understand. I don't know. I mean, bumper car is basically like Netflix. He ain't giving me none of the numbers or whatever. I'm just like, Hey bro, how many people listen to this? And he's just winks at me and I'm just like, I don't know what that means. And I, I look at my paycheck, right? And the, the contract, we have a thing where once we hit certain, uh, levels of listenership, there's a multiplier in there. And I'm always looking at my check and I'm like, bro, it looks the same as last week. You know? What are we doing?

Unknown: You're getting paid for this? You're making money.

Natty Bumpercar: We roll. We rolled deep here. Okay. I don't know. I don't know how you get down on your, on your, on your show. You know what? You should, you should do a podcast with your host, right? But the first time you got paid to do a podcast, oh, that I still waiting on that. Okay. We'll see. That's like my skydiving story. It seems like it's all working out.

Unknown: Very well. Yeah, I guess so. Wow. Right. I guess we will. Yeah. We will have you on then about your skydiving.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. God. I'm just, I'm just messing with it. So let me talk. Okay. You do call me, do a podcast. Uh, I do podcast and you, you move, you move around the, the New York, New Jersey area.

Unknown: Do you ever go far afield far, like, like farther out somewhere?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Like, like Pennsylvania. I don't know how far, uh, Connecticut.

Unknown: That's pretty far. Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. I did a couple of shows in, uh, Yonkers once I just, oh, I just came back from doing a show. Uh, I did one in Buffalo and I did one in Toronto just like a week ago. Wait, really?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I was in Toronto twice. You've been like, oh, you know, I do New York, New Jersey, but like you went to Toronto, another country, bro.

Unknown: I know. But I mean, I mainly do New York and New Jersey, like, but like that, that whole, the Buffalo, Toronto, that's like a kind of a one-off thing. Oh. And I did, I was in, uh, Lexington, Kentucky once I did some standup. See?

Natty Bumpercar: And do you, okay. So do you find, uh, a different crowd response? Like I feel, you know, New York, New Jersey, it's weird. New York's audiences are pretty specific depending on the club you're at, I feel. Um, and then New Jersey audiences are pretty, I mean, you can pretty much, when you go into a room, you can look around and you can be like, okay, this is going to be this kind of room. This is going to be a VFW room. It's maybe going to be a little bit skew, a little bit older, whatever. Right? Right.

Unknown: Right. Yeah. Like, I mean, I had to learn that the hard way. There was one time I did a show in central Jersey and like the, I, I'm, I mean, I'm like in my, I guess I just turned 40. So I guess I did, I turned 40, but I went in there and like, I was like the youngest person in the room. Like everybody was like in their fifties and stuff. And, uh, but all the jokes I had were kind of, I guess, towards young folks. Yeah. Uh, yeah, they did not get anything. It was, it was, I died a horrible death that night.

Natty Bumpercar: But I feel like your stuff is accessible. I don't, I mean, I don't, you don't talk about the Twitter tweets and none of that stuff.

Unknown: I don't, I don't do the Twitter tweets, but I mean, a lot of this stuff, I mean, I do like a whole chunk about, you know, being broke and having no money, but it seems like people in their fifties, they, you know, they're, they're just swimming in it. All types of cash and the gold doubloons and whatnot. So like, they don't relate to my brokenness.

Natty Bumpercar: Gold doubloons. Was Scrooge McDuck there?

Unknown: Uh, that's what I imagine. I imagine. I imagine. Well, Scrooge, he's an older man, so he has gold doubloons. So I figure all older people have a gold doubloons. Right.

Natty Bumpercar: Are you? Oh, of course. I mean, bumper cars got a whole closet full of them. He says he won't even let me look in there. I don't know what's going on. I knew it. Yeah. He's loaded. He's Mr. Moneybags, Mr. Bumpercar Moneybags. That's his name.

Unknown: He's burning, just burning cigars with dollar bills. I know what he's up to.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. He's the fireplace. It's just got stacks of hundreds and I'm just like, man, and like we ordered a pizza the other day and I was like, bro, because he was out, he was out, he was out on the town and I was just like, bro, how am I going to pay for this pizza you ordered? And he's just like, pull one from the stack in a fireplace. And I was like, very classy bumper car. Very, very classy. Oh man.

Unknown: That podcast must be paying you some coins.

Natty Bumpercar: Stacks and stacks and stacks. Stacks upon stacks upon stacks is what I'm at. Gee willikers.

Unknown: All right. You know, you had it like that. You're like a rapper or something.

Natty Bumpercar: I, I mean, I, I got a lot of mad chains. I don't know if I had mad chains.

Unknown: Oh wow. Now you're from the street. I loved it.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh yeah. Yeah. I, you know, the dirty, dirty. That's I, I went to, I went to school. I did get a degree from the school of hot dogs. It was pretty good. It was a rough, rough education.

Unknown: Got a doctorate in stone cold rocking it.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh wow. That's an old one.

Unknown: That's an old one. That's an old phrase. I heard it back in the day.

Natty Bumpercar: I got a doctorate in stone cold rocket. I liked that. That's got a good pentameter.

Unknown: Yeah. Wow. You, you know, all these big words, you're, you're so scholarly. I'm, I'm shocked.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, Bubba Kai got a master's degree in art. Don't ever do that. But so I guess he's got a lot of big words in his head, but he wanders around the house just basically mumbling to himself. And sometimes I'll pick up on words. That's what happens.

Unknown: That's yeah. That sounds like Maddie.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Usually I don't even know a lot of times what he's even talking about, but I'm just like, okay, bro. And sometimes I'll, I'll pick up the words and then I say I'm wrong. So, you know? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's all right today. I went, I got a, uh, oh, you're going to like, I got a trace late chase donut from the Montclair bread company. Dude.

Unknown: No, no, no fooling. No. I just, I just had a trail H a not just, but I did get a trail H a donut from the Montclair bakery and a Nutella.

Natty Bumpercar: Wait. Oh really? Yeah. I got a Nutella. Wait. Oh, the, the trade led J's. It makes me cry a little bit when I get it.

Unknown: It's divine. Like it's one of my favorite, I mean, I just like trail H a cake in general. Oh yeah. And, uh, yeah, my wife, uh, that's me. We just drove by there this morning and we got like a bunch of donuts and she knows I love trail H a cake that she got me a trail H a donut and she knows I love them to tell us. So I got in this whole donut season today.

Natty Bumpercar: You did this.

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: This morning. Darren, I had one today, today on this very day.

Unknown: On this, on this very, on this beautiful Eve.

Natty Bumpercar: And I even, I, I sat in the restaurant and ate it so that I could, cause I didn't want to, I called my wife and I was just like, bro, I'm going to get a donut. Do I need to bring anything home for them? For the monsters? And she was just like, I don't think that's a good idea. And I was like me either. So I stayed there and I ate it.

Unknown: Right.

Natty Bumpercar: Amazing. It was such a good, relaxing experience. I had breakfast. It was delicious.

Unknown: Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: I mean, I love, I love donuts, but that donut is, there's just something about it. It's just so good.

Unknown: It is divine. I, I, you know, I mean, I know I'm, now I'm getting old. I'm trying to be healthier, but this is like the little fat kid in me that just loves donuts and cakes and pies and cheeseburgers and all that stuff. I just can't help myself.

Natty Bumpercar: You can't help yourself. So I was staying in there at the counter and for everybody, don't want it. I don't know. There's a place called the Montclair Bread Company and they make donuts and they're phenomenal. They want some competition, whatever. Yeah. I think they were like Food Network and stuff.

Unknown: Weren't they? They might.

Natty Bumpercar: I think so. They had like a big banner outside today and I just, all I, it just, I just saw it say winner. And I was like, yes you are. Yes. Yeah. Yes you are. But so the donuts are all out there on display, the breads and whatever. And I love the, the Tres Leches the most, but they had one today. It was a s'mores. That caught my eye. Right. So I'm looking at it, but then I always want to go back to my, my number one because I only get like one a month because the same me, I'm trying to be healthy. Right. And the girl, she's like looking at me and I'm looking at the donuts and she's like, you're looking at all the donuts. And I was like, yeah, I'm relaxed. Like they're calling me, you know, like the Fruity Pebbles donut wants me to eat it. And she started laughing because I guess I'm a pig in a donut shop and I'm getting one donut. And she said, I says to her, how do you even work in this place? Like how do you handle it? And then the other girl jumps in. She's like, it's not easy. You know, after the first few, you know, a couple of weeks, so you get a little bit sick of the donuts. And I was just like, that's blasphemy. It's not even possible.

Unknown: It might be. I mean, you're probably best if you're somebody who doesn't, who's like lactose intolerant or doesn't like donuts and sweets, if you work there, that way you can keep yourself at bay. Yeah. Other than that. I don't know those. I mean, do you, do you get like a discount? Maybe?

Natty Bumpercar: No. So that's the thing she said. She's like, here's the thing. Well, maybe you get discount, but she was just like, the best part is they make us pay for everything. So in my mind I was, yeah, I was just like, man, they even get a discount at the Apple store. How are you not getting a discount here, girl?

Unknown: Yeah. People that work at the gap get like a half off of like sweaters or whatever.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Yeah. So if you're going to be around the merchandise, you got to get a discount so that you can push the merchandise. Is what I'm thinking.

Unknown: Absolutely. Like back in the day, I want to date myself. I worked at the Virgin mega store in Manhattan and I got discounts from that.

Natty Bumpercar: Wait, wait. The one down on 14th or wait, is that what it was? Yeah. No, no. There was. Wait. Yeah.

Unknown: 14th right by the park. Not Washington square, but. Union. Yeah. Union. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: You worked there? Yeah. Yeah. I did. From 99 to 01 back in my college days. Wait, really? Yeah.

Unknown: Wow. How bohemian of you.

Natty Bumpercar: I had no idea. Well, it's sort of, yeah, it was random. I think I may have talked about it before. So real quick, I moved from Georgia to New York to go to grade school. Okay. Financial aid fell through and I was homeless for a few months. Oh wow. It was wonderful. I do not recommend it.

Unknown: Homelessness, I do not recommend.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I would say if you can stay away from it, you might want to consider it. Right?

Unknown: Eventually. If you can get yourself some shelter, go for it.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Even if it's under a bridge. Seriously. So what I would do every so often, there was a couch in the East Village on like, what was it? Ninth? I can't even remember. Ninth? Between first and second. And I'd stay there every so often. But I would stay in the studio at school behind paintings because it was an art school. Ooh. And I would make like a lean-to of giant canvases and I would just sleep behind the canvases.

Unknown: Oh wow. How inventive. Well, with desperate times, my friend.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Call for desperate. Yeah, you got to do what you got to do. I didn't have all these stacks of cash like I do now.

Unknown: Bro, I got to tell you, I ain't got no stacks of cash. I just got to be honest.

Natty Bumpercar: That sounds- You just said you had, so you don't, there is no cash. There's nothing. I mean, like we, I didn't know this could happen, but I went to my online banking account the other day and it had an animated GIF of moths in my online banking account. I was like, that's a good thing. That's a good thing.

Unknown: That's a good thing. That's a good thing.

Natty Bumpercar: That's a good thing. That's a good thing. I don't know why would they do that. I think it's because like the bank saying, hey, this guy or gal, they don't have any money. Let's not show them how much money they don't have. Let's show them this little moth gift to, you know, make them smile a little bit before they realize that of their own poverty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the last time I did it It did the That noise That happens when Pac-Man loses the life You know I like that

Natty Bumpercar: That's so fun That when The last When a couple times ago When Trumbo was on I He was talking about Q-Bit And we were trying to figure out Q-Bit noises Like when he Oh yeah And now you're doing Well Let's see I guess this is my new thing How does Q-Bit sound When he Passes away

Unknown: I don't I don't know I know he makes that noise Like when he gets hit with something Where like a little Speak bubbles come down And it's all like You know the symbol That's supposed to be A person And it goes like And it's like Something like that

Natty Bumpercar: I like that Because all we got We Okay you had a lot more Because all we had was just like But I think yours might be more But we both remember the bubbles But we couldn't remember nothing It was just like And I was supposed to look it up And actually We left a blank spot In the interview For Bumpercar To do producing And put the noise in there But he never did it So

Unknown: Too busy walking around Mumbling to himself In his robe Yes He got no time for that You know What's he gonna do I gotta walk around and mumble I got time to work On your podcast now Yeah he's like

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah I gotta go You know Research No thank you Thank you

Unknown: Yeah I remember I remember Q-Bert From my old Arcade days I remember that I remember There was another video game We used to play a lot Burger Time Oh yeah You're stepping on pickles And there was one Tapper Where you're like a bartender And you had to like You had to like serve All these People in the bar Beer Before they like Picked you up And threw you out

Natty Bumpercar: Yep You had to run From like Counter to counter To counter Yeah exactly Make the beer Throw the beer down And if you don't hold The button down long enough Then it doesn't fill up enough And you lose that one And then they're getting closer And they're getting closer And sometimes they're like There's a bachelorette party Coming down And you're like I can't keep up with this Like how am I supposed to And then sometimes There's like a group of police And they drink You know So it's just like There's a lot There's a lot

Unknown: It was Yeah In hindsight now I don't know if like A Budweiser video game You know In place of all these children Was maybe the wisest thing to do But

Natty Bumpercar: I don't know Whatever Yeah you know It was just teaching us Life skills That's what it was doing

Unknown: It was the 80s It was a different time

Natty Bumpercar: It was a crazy time Yeah I remember

Unknown: I remember Dragon's Lair too That was an insane video game

Natty Bumpercar: Did you watch What was that show It was on Netflix With the kids Stranger Things

Unknown: Stranger Things Yeah new season Coming in October I can't wait

Natty Bumpercar: So the new season Has a trailer And they're in an arcade And they're playing Dragon's Lair

Unknown: I know I remember that I remember that being Like the toughest video game ever Like I don't think I knew anybody That even came close To beating it

Natty Bumpercar: No It was a CD-ROM game It was like It was on a giant disc Yeah Right right And it was made by Hold on Don Bluth I feel like

Unknown: Don Bluth Yeah no He ran the 80s I remember like He did like All Dogs Go to Heaven Secret of Nim Like he was The American Tail He was like The animator in the 80s He was like He was running it

Natty Bumpercar: But where did he go He just disappeared He's got too much money I guess

Unknown: I guess so It's just you know He got stacked By the fireplace And mumbling to himself In his mansion I guess or something

Natty Bumpercar: He and Bumper Cushion Started a group Crazy Crazy people who make stuff But Bumper You know Bumper Cushion He's not gonna Nobody's gonna want to Hang out with that dude He's a little off To be honest

Unknown: He's a nice guy What are you talking about You know

Natty Bumpercar: I got my problems I don't want to bring him up here Because I mean I know he's never gonna listen here So I think it's okay Right But you know Let's just say Maybe things aren't all perfect All the time You know

Unknown: Oh wow Alright I don't want to get involved I don't want to get in the middle Of this Lover's quarrel Or whatever it is

Natty Bumpercar: Bro you are You're not even in the middle At this point You're like You're at 60-40 Okay You're under 60 You're past the middle Okay I feel like You know You know some things So the next time you see him Maybe it's not gonna be As sweet and sour No I don't know I got hungry I literally I got hungry In the middle of that sentence It was such a long sentence That I started thinking About Chinese food

Unknown: You think about Dipping sauces While I'm talking to you Yeah

Natty Bumpercar: I'm trying that loud pig Come on I trailed off Into dipping sauces It's like I'm like Hey Darren You know Tell me about your hopes And dreams And ranch And you're like What? What? What are you talking about ranch? What is he talking about?

Unknown: And spicy chipotle Wait what?

Natty Bumpercar: What did you say? Man you know what I love Is a I like to do some cooking Is a Chili Chili peppers Chipotle peppers In an adobo sauce Yeah right Because But then you just take That adobo sauce And you mix it in with stuff And it gives you this Deep smoky heat That just makes everything

Unknown: Pop Oh Mama mia That sounds delicious

Natty Bumpercar: I'm actually drooling I didn't know This was going to happen tonight I'm drooling

Unknown: Yeah no We talked a lot A lot of food talk here Like chipotle And donuts Dipping sauces

Natty Bumpercar: Dipping sauces Wow

Unknown: It's like a cooking channel Thing over here

Natty Bumpercar: It really is It feels like It's moving in that direction I um You know I gotta tell you I gotta I gotta go pass it out here Pretty soon But I wanna hear So let's see You got your podcast You do your comedy You live in Jersey You've been All the way up to Toronto Where are you I mean I got so many questions But I feel like I gotta I gotta wrap up Um Do you think you ever Want to come back We could come back You're coming back on the show One day right?

Unknown: I absolutely will come back Whenever you'll have me Just give me Give me a shout A holler And whatever you Whatever you want

Natty Bumpercar: Okay so here's what We're gonna do though Uh We're switching The format up I think a little bit After this episode So when you come back on You're gonna tell me About something And it's the first time That you've done something And this is just Off the top of my head I'm just spitballing here Blue sky Go for it So yeah When you The first time You've done something And that you have A good story about Then you can come on this show And you can talk about it Is that I mean does that make sense Is that a good podcast

Unknown: Uh wait yeah Wait are you asking me To do my podcast On your podcast Is that what's Happening here

Natty Bumpercar: Now wait a minute Now I feel like yours Is a little bit Different maybe I can't remember Exactly what we was Talking about But this is More like The first time I mean I'm not Explaining it I'm like you know I get excited It's the first time You've done something Right

Unknown: That No that sounds like Uh Don't make me call My lawyers And get the legalese In here

Natty Bumpercar: Papa God This dude's got lawyers What are you doing To get me right

Unknown: I feel like I'm

Natty Bumpercar: Entangled right now I feel like I'm Entrapped

Unknown: Well I Maybe not lawyers Just I know one I know one guy That's a paralegal Okay That's about it You met a lawyer once That's fine I know one guy That saw an episode Of Night Court So I feel like He's got the Gist of it

Natty Bumpercar: I feel like that's Airtight I feel like that's An open and shut case Is what I feel like That he

Unknown: That's right That's right You better You better lawyer up Alright well Mr.

Natty Bumpercar: Mr. Darren Patterson Tell me where Can people find you

Unknown: Uh if you can find me On Twitter and Instagram At Darren Credible And my website is DarrenCredible.com D-A-R-I-N Credible

Natty Bumpercar: Darren Credible So Bumper Guy's Gonna put all those links On the post Whenever this comes out Which who knows Because he's probably In Barbados Walking around Mumbling to himself But soon We will send you the links When things get up We promise Um Thank you so much again For coming on It was It was really fun Talking to you Hope you had a good time

Unknown: I had a great time Thank you so much

Natty Bumpercar: Awesome Alright well Cuuu Lick He's a good dude And he makes me hungry Cause now I want donuts Like I feel like I hope you listen to this At a time and a place Where you can get Where you can access donuts Because I Man Did you hear how Pig was saying Tres leches Like he was doing it wrong And Darren just went He was just like Tres leches Like bro This is That's not how you say the words It's tres leches Tres leches And he's like Okay Okay Fine Don't care As long as it's in my belly I um Those donuts are so good And they're so far away Like if I wanted to get one I'd have to leave right now And I'd have to wait in line And I'd have to get a donut And I'd have to be late to work And then I would get there And they would all be like Oh you didn't bring us any donuts And I'd be like No they're four bucks a piece Back off Relax Give me a Give me a raise And maybe we'll see About some donut action I uh We had to fill in uh The uh Our uh Our goals for next year We found out yesterday Like by Two days Tomorrow I think I have to fill in What are your goals? And uh It was amazing There was this one dude Who was just like I don't have any goals Like in a meeting Like you're in a meeting And uh They were just like We'll make some up And he was just like But I don't have goals Like he stood his ground He was just like This is This is the hill I'm gonna stand on I don't have goals And so somebody was just like Dude just kinda You know Maybe here And then they Rattled off Three or four things Like here Use this Use that Use this Use that And the guy was just like I don't know And I was just like He He's telling you What to put Into the thing Just write Just Take notes right now Go back to your computer Put these things in there And you're done You've done it You've fulfilled The thing That the company Is asking you to do My goal is gonna be Eat more donuts I think And uh Oh You know what my other goal Is gonna be Is uh To get more calls On the podcast I feel like Nobody's calling Uh It's sad I thought I love the calls The calls are really One of my favorite things And also to review More products I considered For a half a second I have a shop vac Here sitting next to me That I could've Been like Oh I don't know It's orange It's It You know It's a vacuum It does vacuum And stuff But I didn't feel like Doing that I wanna give you guys Real reviews I'm surprised I haven't reviewed That iPad Pro yet I've been messing With that thing Oh boy Oh boy I really I can't wait For the new iOS 11 Or whatever It's number is Because it's It's gonna change The world It's not It's not gonna change The world I uh I'm trying to get used To the uh The drawing mechanic Of the whole thing Um I like it a lot Um But I don't know If I love it But it's all You know It's kind of A learning curve And I'm also Trying to figure out I don't know What the proper size To draw stuff on is Uh As far as pixels And DPI And everything And um The vector programs I don't like as much As the sketchy programs Just in terms of Um I don't know I'm just trying to figure it out I don't know what the best one To use is Either But I'm excited to have it I'm very Excited to have it So I can play around I want to make some stuff I want to make some books I've got all these books written I want to make drawings for them Why can't I do that? Why can't I just Do that? Why can't I Follow through? I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I feel like Pig's Following through on his interviews And I'm I'm the one I'm the laggard I'm the one Falling behind here It's fine You know what? It's totally fine Anyway Hey Bumper Podcast Uh Next week I'm going to be at the beach But I have a Cool episode Already lined up So hopefully The internet will actually work And it will post by itself Because I'm not going to have I'm not going to have Wifi I'm not going to have None of it No internet So I could I guess I could Maybe I could I don't know I could figure it out I'm going to figure it out It's going to be awesome Uh Special thanks to Darren Patterson For coming on our show He's top notch And uh Please come back And listen some more And please Call in I don't know the number I'm joking The phone number is 646-847-7976 So please 646-847-7976 There's a lot of sixes There's a lot of sevens There's a couple of fours There's a nine Let's just call it It'll be awesome Leave me a message I'll reply I miss you Alright I'm going to the beach everybody Time to get this thing Moo